October 5, 1972 (Letter from Renee)

Although I am sitting here at my desk with 150 test papers and an additional 150 essay papers to grade I just can't bring myself to sit here and dive into my work.  So here I am, writing a long overdue letter to a very dear friend -- which is something I would much rather do anyhow!

Everything is just super great with me.  I've never been happier teaching and I am very excited and motivated about my work.  As it turned out last year was like night as opposed to the day I am having teaching this year.  My kids are wonderful -- we get along just fine -- in fact, I don't even have one kid I can say I even slightly dislike.  I have learned to be myself in the classroom and it really is a pleasure to work with the kids.  I sort of have an honest policy with them -- I don't bullshit them and likewise they don't bullshit me.  For the first time ever I am excited about what materials I am teaching.  I am motivated to spend those extra hours at night to insure an interesting and productive class period(s) the next day.  I guess to sum it up I feel that at last I have a sense of direction.  I know where I am going, what I am doing, and what to expect from the kids.  If the teacher feels confident then half the battle is won.  Also, I can come home at night and be "ME" instead of the bitch grouch I was last year -- and Morrey  has really noticed the change for the better.  I keep wondering when this honeymoon with the kids will be over -- but so far all has gone well and I think I've got the kids on my side!

As for other things -- we've been quite busy -- attending parties, going to football games, shopping, going to classes at night (Morrey is), etc.  Right now Morrey is on his way to Warren with two of his friends for a three day fishing soiree.  I doubt very much if they catch any fish -- I think they are more interested in getting away from it all and having a good time with the "guys".  I really don't mind that Morrey goes cause it gives me a chance to be alone with myself which is quite a unique experience after being married for 3 years and hardly ever being apart.  It makes me feel sort of independent and responsible for myself and sometimes it is just nice to be by one's self and hold private conversations with yourself that you rarely ever do at any other time.  I guess I feel this way cause I have never ever been alone -- I always lived with somebody and had people around me -- so it is a unique and independent feeling.

Morrey and I just recently purchased a 1973 VW Superbeetle as our second car.  We now own two VW's -- one is cherry red and the other is kind of fiery orange.  They look cute next to each other in the parking lot -- they are cheap to run, and they run very well.  At any rate, we are very happy about having two cars since we were sharing one car until now and it made life quite inconvenient at times since we both work in different areas of the city and live quite a ways from where we work.  It is an added expense but a necessary evil.  That's another reason why I'm feeling so independent these days -- I have my own car and can move around to where I have to go without scheduling "my turn for the car" this week syndrome.

I am also tutoring a little 8th grade girl this year who has a learning disability.  She is just slightly brain damaged -- enough to make it difficult for her to grasp concepts, organize thoughts, take the part from the whole and put it back together again.  She really is a delight and very cooperative.  I make ten dollars a week tutoring and that's enough to pay for my gas back and forth to school each week.  Actually Morrey and I agreed that I could save the $50 a month that I make by tutoring since I would like to take some kind of pleasure trip during Xmas vacation and since Morrey cannot get away it would be unfair of me to take the money from either of our salaries to pay for it.  Right now we're pretty much in the hold again with the new car, $500 worth of crown work on my teeth, and bills for back to school clothes.  Oh well -- what's life without a few bills!  I never really worried about them before and I don't suppose I'll start right now.  We're both working so why should we skimp so that we can sit home and count our money for the day we retire.  The time to enjoy it is now while we are both young and healthy.  I guess our motto is "Broke, but happy!"

I am starting to get involved in a few more activities at school, and I am finding that the busier I am the more I like it and the more efficient I am at getting my work done.  I can be quite a procrastinator when I have nothing to do.

I am glad to hear that you are back at school finishing that last long stretch before you get the little piece of paper in your hot little hands that says "you're' OK".  I am also glad to hear that you enjoyed your experiences in California.  Sounds like you had a chance to find yourself out there and make some pretty important decision about the direction of your life.  In a way I regret never having to be on my own cause I fell that sometimes I lean to heavily upon Morrey for making decisions and taking responsibility.  I've always been very secure and more or less "protected" and I kind of wonder what the experience of "fending for myself" and being on my own would have added to my personality.   Oh well -- I'm me and I guess I'm not going to change a whole lot.

Believe it or not Paul I sometimes still feel like a "kid" -- like I'm still learning what "growing up and maturing are all about".  I guess that when I was a kid I thought everyone was automatically a "grownup" when they were 21 --- well --- some of us take a little longer and I don't feel in any way that I have completely finished that "Growing up" stage just yet.  I'm still basically insecure about myself -- still searching to find out about me and why I do what I do and why I act like I act.  Funny, Morrey knows me better than I know me -- and it is a disquieting feeling at times.  I am so easily swayed by other people's ideas and opinions, I feel that I am not creative enough, sometimes I actually feel really stupid -- like how did I ever manage to get a college degree?  I'm really not attempting to put myself down in any way Paul -- I guess I'm just stating some of the anxieties I am feeling about myself.  There is so much to do in life -- so many things to be accomplished, I'm just so afraid that I will become comfortable with the "me" here and now that I'll quite trying to become a better person -- a more intelligent, wise, thoughtful, and creative one.  I feel like I have lots to give yet I am afraid to becoming static, satisfied with my pleasant surroundings and the status-quo. I guess to sum it up a psychiatrist would probably say that I'm still growing up!  (My conclusion precisely my dear Watson!)

Well, I've gone on and on about me and you'll probably think I'm a real self-centered egomaniac.  I do enjoy our correspondence so very much.  I really treasure the letters I receive from you and I don't feel that I have to write back out of politeness -- but because I really want to.  I know typing, spelling and punctuation are atrocious -- especially from an English teacher, but I kind of write what I feel and to hell with the formalities of English composition!!  (Mrs. Coe will you ever forgive me?)

Must get back to those nasty compositions I have to grade.

Be well Paul!  Take care and write soon.  Also, when can you get out here to visit us?  I can't write as much as I can talk!  (how true -- how true!)