April 19, 1977 (Letter from Renee)

Many thanks for the reply to my last letter -- even though it wasn't much of a letter.  I was plenty tired when I wrote it and ran out of umph to finish it.  Tonight is a different story, since I am relatively fresh and exuberant (sp?).

First, I want to respond to a few of the questions you had asked me.  1.  Yes, I am still planing and looking forward to the 4th of July weekend -- but I need HELP in writing to and/or locating some of the "old" crowd.  If I give you an idea of who perhaps you can help me in getting in touch with them.  Dodie, Joan, Mike, Mardi, Barb, Tina, Leslie Stein?, Mark V.  And anyone else that pops into your fantastic head.  I also need to know which day to plan this for over the 4th weekend.  If you will write to some of these folks, I'll help out with the postage.  Please let me know as soon as possible what ideas you have for getting in touch with these folks, and also any ideas you might have for a "theme" or plan for a successful get together.  Obviously, I cannot bear the expenses so we will also have to tell people that they'll have to "chip in" for beer and food or whatever pleases their pallets (sp?)  Morrey and I plan to go to the cottage very weekend this summer since it will constitute our vacation -- and we thoroughly enjoy the atmosphere.  To answer another ? -- I am still trying to take off the last 30 lbs. I need in order to qualify for the bikini but it is a long, hard struggle.  I joined an exercise club to tone, strengthen, and firm up the necessary parts of my anatomy -- but I haven't had a great deal of success in paring off the weight any further -- I haven't gained -- but I haven't lost.  I am trying to get my "act" and my "head" in gear for the last lap home on the o9ld road of weight reduction.  Wish me luck -- I need it.

April was sort of a bad month for me.  I have been very unhappy at work.  One of the guys on my team is going through a "nervous breakdown" (he's had one before) and it is really putting the pressure on the rest of us and giving me a lot of unnecessary headaches and undue frustrations which I sometimes deeply resent cause I'm carrying a hell of a load as it is.  Coupled with that, Morrey's work is not setting the world on fire with huge commission checks and he has been discouraged for the first time since I've known him.  He is a little leary of my decision that this has to be my last year teaching -- but on the other hand he acknowledges that fact that he can't stand to see me miserable any longer.  Added to all of that we've had a friend of our staying with us during the week for the last 2 1/2 months.  Larry's a super great guy and a perfect house guest, but I have been frustrated and "bottled up inside" since Morrey and I couldn't take the opportunity to have open discussion at hours that weren't the most opportune.  I felt really frustrated and depressed while Larry was here -- which really wasn't anyone's fault.  That's what we get for being so nice to everyone sometimes cause we end up screwing up our own lives.   To be truthful though, I don't think we'll ever change our hospitality policies -- even if they are at times inconvenient.  Larry's gone now and Morrey and I are trying hard to really communicate and catch up on lost time.  I guess one has to go through some "hard" times to appreciate the good in life.  I have had several talks with myself lately and I am pleased to say that I've reached some important decisions.  1.  I wrote my resume last night.  2.  I intend to start "knocking on doors" the month of May and after school is out in June.  3.  I am optimistic about what I have to offer to an employer and I am not at all afraid of being interviewed or "examined".  4.  I am really looking forward to a change in my life career-wise and I think that the time is right for me and that the change -- whatever it brings -- will be a healthy one for me, and for Morrey and me.  My parents (conservative) keep saying don't leave teaching until you have another job -- but my parents always did bank on doing the "safe" thing and although I love them very much, I sometimes feel I know myself better than they, and the only way to achieve what one wants is to stock one's head out once in a while.  Really, Paul, now that I've made a firm and committed decision for myself and have discussed it with Morrey I feel 100% better about the future.  As I said, the month of April was shitty for me for many reasons -- but the only way out if UP and that's where I intend to go. Sometimes one gains a great deal of insight and perspective from experiencing displeasure, depression, and discomfort, so it might have been a shitty month, but it was necessary and I needed it in order to begin sorting out my future and making some definite decisions.  Will let you know what happens.

I couldn't begin to tell you how rotten things are at my school and I am firm in my belief that the problems are not self-created.  They're there -- but so few of the people I work with won't admit to it and won't make a commitment and pressure in the right places for changes that are necessary.  I have lost respect for the majority of people I work with because they have no guts, no gumption, no self-directed goals.  If they ever were honest enough to assess the situation for what it really is, I doubt if they'd make a move toward trying to improve it.  At this point I want to move into a job where at least I can control the successes and failure and I can assess and expedite necessary changes.  As it is now I have no where to turn with my ideas and suggestions because they really fall on deaf (and I sometimes think, dumb) ears.  Finis.

I have gotten involved in working with a 14 year old girl from a children's home and I am really enjoying it.  I see her twice a month and we try to do things with her that are fun and interesting to her.  I enjoy investing my time in someone who really needs it, and I find that I reap many rewards in return.

Well, Paul, I've sort of filled you in on my life for the past month and I have housework to attend to so I'll close for now and hope that I hear from you soon about 4th of July plans.  I was pleased to hear that you are staying where you are for a while and that there is "order and purpose" in your life at the moment.  Write soon.  Be well, and take care.