I don't really know who to write to now. I have to write to someone about the way I feel now.
It concerns Leroy and I. After living together for four months, I decided in order to solve problems for our future it would be best for him to move out now. I really feel the hurt now. He is moving out of the apartment today and I know we both don't want to be separated.
But now I feel a release inside. It's not that I'm losing him because I feel there is no need to doubt our love. I feel that we both need to be separated in order to evaluate our relationship.
At times I felt that Leroy has a lack of inner strength. His will is too free. He is a strong partier, too, too strong for my needs. Even tho he is almost 3 years younger he is more mature. He left home at 14 and lived by his own means. So in some respects he has a good hold on his life and in others he still needs time to find his path in life. I told him that I want him to come to a choice on his own accord. If he is happy with his free life style then by all means he should live it free. I hope our separation will mean a lot to him and it will help him to come to a conclusion about his present life style.
I very much want to be with him. He really has a lot to offer. He can help me overcome my shyness in my personality and I can help to motivate him in a positive direction, but not yet. My senses feel very alert today and it is only the first day of our separation. Maybe this period will help me also.
I guess I am playing a game of risk, but it is the results of the game I am after. If I can get these problems resolved now then hopefully we will be able to live a happy life together. I hope so.
Other than that I don't have much to say. I am looking towards the calendar for the pages to turn to October 15. I heard from Larry & he is almost set to come to Europe.
Mom & Dad should be at the lake. I wish I was there, too. Maybe next year.
I am doing fine knowing I"ll be back in good company soon.
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