October 2, 1977 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.  How are you?

Mom wrote me and said that in January you were going to have a roommate.  Sounds like it is a good idea to help you live a bit easier.   Do you plan to move into a bigger apartment or stay at the same location?  I'm wondering if you still think it's a good idea to visit with you in January.  Will this move cause a lot of rearranging, etc. and would I be in the way.  I am looking forward to visiting you.  So if you can put up with me, I certainly am very flexible; especially after adjusting to work over these past two years.

I had two wisdom teeth pulled out last Wednesday.  By the morning of the 30th my mouth was the size of a golf ball.  It wouldn't' have been too bad if I didn't have to work two mid watches.  I have a hard enough time staying awake all night without trying to recover from oral surgery.  Tomorrow I go back to the dentist to get my stitches out.

I've been dreaming quite feverently for the past month.  I try to write my dreams on paper but a lot of time I wait until a later period and then I never remember details.  I have been experiencing a flow of emotions now that my security is slowing tearing away.  I don't want to make any added changes in my life as of yet.  I have been looking at my dreams and what they mean and at incidents with people in my life and I am trying to look at myself in the light.  For the moment I feel that I should stay alert.  I read a very good book recently on reaching people.  I want to reread the book because I feel I need to retain more thoughts from this book.

I have a lot of thoughts going through my head now.  I am trying to stay neutral to any activity these last few weeks.  Once I leave here and travel through Europe I am going to piece together these thoughts.  Maybe I can even envision a path for my life.  But I won't force it.

I bought a Marantz receive amp, 2250B for $300.00  I decided to get music for myself.  I want Dale to make me a pair of speakers.  I might buy myself a turntable over here before I leave but that depends on my finances.

I sold my car for $700.00  It only took me from the time I put the sign on the bulletin board until the time I turned around.  I was real pleased to get a buyer that quick.  He told me the day before yesterday that the loan came through and he had an appointment set up to transfer ownership.

Now all I have to do is finish sewing my sleeping bag.  I am 95% down with this project.  I will be on my three days off starting tonight so I will finish this project before I go back to work on Thursday.  It has turned out to my approval.

I'm reading an interesting book by Kathryn Watterson Urkhart called "Women in Prison".  It is a very good book depicting the lifestyle of women inmates.  Prison reminds me of boot camp.

Not much else to say.

Hope life is pleasant for you.

July 19, 1977 (Letter from Barb N)

I don't really know who to write to now.  I have to write to someone about the way I feel now.

It concerns Leroy and I.  After living together for four months, I decided in order to solve problems for our future it would be best for him to move out now.  I really feel the hurt now.  He is moving out of the apartment today and I know we both don't want to be separated.

But now I feel a release inside.  It's not that I'm losing him because I feel there is no need to doubt our love.  I feel that we both need to be separated in order to evaluate our relationship.

At times I felt that Leroy has a lack of inner strength.  His will is too free.  He is a strong partier, too, too strong for my needs.  Even tho he is almost 3 years younger he is more mature.  He left home at 14 and lived by his own means.  So in some respects he has a good hold on his life and in others he still needs time to find his path in life.  I told him that I want him to come to a choice on his own accord.  If he is happy with his free life style then by all means he should live it free.  I hope our separation will mean a lot to him and it will help him to come to a conclusion about his present life style.

I very much want to be with him.  He really has a lot to offer.  He can help me overcome my shyness in my personality and I can help to motivate him in a positive direction, but not yet.  My senses feel very alert today and it is only the first day of our separation.  Maybe this period will help me also.

I guess I am playing a game of risk, but it is the results of the game I am after.  If I can get these problems resolved now then hopefully we will be able to live a happy life together.  I hope so.

Other than that I don't have much to say.  I am looking towards the calendar for the pages to turn to October 15.  I heard from Larry & he is almost set to come to Europe.

Mom & Dad should be at the lake.  I wish I was there, too.  Maybe next year.

I am doing fine knowing I"ll be back in good company soon.

July 14, 1977 (Letter from Barb N)

Ciao, come eta?  Bene?  That is the extent of my Neapolitan?  Life is going well for me and the thought of 30 days left leaves me with a good feeling.  I am ever looking forward to leaving here.

Leroy and I are getting along fine.  He wants to go back to the States in August so he can get involved in a tech school.  He says it's about time he starts making plans for the future for training in his field.  He is employed by the Texas Bell Telephone Company and he usually works on lines. I would like him to stay here through October because once he leaves it will be almost unbearable here.  Most of the people know are transferring now.  But we have to sit down and decide what will be best.

We are on a somewhat decent watchbill.  We work eight hour watches with double backs. Between watches we get 80 hours off.  I like the 7 hour watches and the time off.  We only have two 8 hours double-backs so It' snot too bad of a deal.

I should add that if Leroy goes home in August he will definitely up to to Pa at Xmas.  In a way I would like him to be in Warren at Xmas time.

I was sick a few weeks ago.  My stomach was full of gas and I couldn't keep any food down.  It could be because I have changed back to eating a lot of meat plus I have probably had my share of vino.  So I am settling down and I have started to do my yoga again.  I have a lot more time now. But we are going to be short people the end of the month so we might get "screwed" again real soon unless we get new people in real soon.

Leroy has helped me a lot in the past few months.  I feel that I have made a lot of progress and I am opening up with people.  I also feel I am able to relax when I could not before.  I think you'll find Leroy an interesting person even if he is still pretty rambunctious.  But Leroy is a few years younger than me but he looks older.  I find that age does not make that much of a difference.  I am sure that I will enjoy spending my life with Leroy.

It sounds good getting a ride with you back to Mass.  I hope to spend a month with you.  I don't know where I will go afterwards.  I will have to wait and see.

Not much else is going on.

Take care of yourself.

May 29, 1977 (Letter from Barb N)

Modern Farm and Suburban Homes (booklet)

Hello, how are you doing?  I am doing fine considering that I am basically still in the same situation I have been in for quite some time now.  I won't try to suppress my dissatisfaction for my job or the Navy in this letter to you.  It would be too apparent to hide my feelings from you.

At work we have lost two watchstanders so they had to put us into three sections.  We are back working twelve hour watches, four days on and two days off.  It is a very shitty schedule.  But when you don't have any people to replace the other watchstanders you have no choice but to make the other watchstanders work longer hours with the same pay.  The Navy system is very unfair pay wise.  This command is short of people so times are hard.  Other commands who have too many people are on easy street with the same pay and bennies.  I feel like all I do is work and sleep.  I will be so happy when I leave here.  We will have a good celebration when we meet back in the States.

I am not sure when I last wrote to you so if I rehash some old stories please bear through with me.

I have been partying a lot but hardly drinking.  I never recovered from the night I got so sick on vino and now I can't seem to drink more than a few glasses at a meal.  At least my head isn't as fuzzy. I still enjoy sitting down and smoking a bowl.  I would prefer grass but I guess I will have to stock with hash until I get back to the States.  I am going to bring some back to the States with me when I get out of the Navy.  I will carve the inside of a candle out and melt wax back into the candle.  This will make the candle and hash inside airtight.  This seems like the best idea I have heard of so far.

Want to hear a shocker.  I am going to be getting married in a year and a half.  I don't like to use the word married, it always has given me a trapped feeling.  But I think that Leroy and I will be able to enjoy life together.  I have told him that I will still go through with my plans to travel after I get out of the Navy.  We would prefer to marry right away but I think it will be better to wait.  I want to kick back and take off my shell that I have worn since I have been in the Navy.  It will also give me time to think if I really want to marry right away.  I might have a different feeling along the road.  I don't think so but who knows.  If and when I do I will be living in Texas for awhile.  I wrote to Mom and Dad and told them that I might marry.  I wonder what they are thinking.

Leroy and I took a ferry to Ishica last Thursday.  An old man who was driving the ferry had me steer the helm for a good while.  Since I had my new OM-1 Olympus Leroy was able to get a picture of me at the helm.  We went swimming at the beach and laid out in the sun.  There were a lot of German tourists on the island.  We found a path that led up to a beautiful villa.  We took a devious path and smoked a bowl.  I think if everything went all right with my camera we should have some nice slides.

The Exchange finally got my camera last week.  I bought my camera right away.  I am so pleased with my camera even tho I haven't seen any prints yet.  I know that it will bring a lot of enjoyment in the years to come.  It is well worth the investment.  Now I have to make sure that I don't get it ripped off my some Italian (or American or anyone for that matter).

I bought a backpack at the sports store yesterday.  It is a good pack for $45.00.  I also bought a pair of good hiking boots for $25.00 which is a very good price.  He started off at $50.00 and came down when we told him we only had twenty mille.  I am ready for my trip to northern Europe in October.  All I have to do is make arrangements for Larry's flight over.

The Italians who work on base have been on strike during the past week.  They were out in the streets throwing glass and burning junk cars right by the base.  NSA is a dead end and so there is only one way in and out so it is easy to cut off the road.  They had the National Guard out trying to keep the traffic flowing and the Italians from causing too much damage.  I worked mids when they were out causing hate and discontent so it really didn't affect me.

They turned off the water in the section where the base is located at for 24 hours a few nights ago. I had a mid watch and I didn't know about it until I got to watch.  I hope it is not an indication of what the summer will be like.  It's a drag when you dont' have any water in the afternoon.  It also means that the electricity will be going out this summer, too.

I am planning on visiting you for a month in Springfield.  I am not sure when will be the best time to visit you.  Maybe after the Christmas holidays if that is all right with you.  I will probably stay in Warren for a month or so just to relax.

Not much else to say at the moment.  I hope you are happy in Mass.  If I think of any other bit of info I will add a note later.

February 19, 1977 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.

Thanks for your last letter.  I really enjoyed hearing from you.

I have the blues at the moment.  It's only a temporary depression phase that stems from my Navy life.  I am very unhappy about my course of life.  I feel that these last few months are a total waste for me. I know that unless I make a drastic move on my part my life will remain the same.  I do not intend to do anything foolish.  I do know that I have to conquer my feelings of discontent and strive to gain an inner peace.

Today I made two dives out of the five dives I have to make in order to be certified for scuba.  I made a snorkel dive then a scuba dive.  I was under water for 25 minutes at the depth of 30 ft.  Tuesday I will make two of my last three dives and my last one when I find the time in my schedule next month.  I am finally going to get my certification after nine months.

Next month's watchbill is going to be a bad schedule.  I work five days for eight hours then get a day and a half off then I go back on the watchbill working four-day twelve hour watches then I get two days off and work my four days again etc. until the end of the month.  I will be working 250 hours in March.  They can kiss my ass, too.  If I had any sense I would have been long gone.  I won't discuss it further because it won't do me a bit of good.

The weather has been beautiful lately.  The skies are clear with temps in the upper fifties.  Today I rode in Art's car with the top down.  Spring should be here soon.  (Hopefully.) 

Art, Eve, & I went to the Pinte Mare pool yesterday and we were the only people in the pool for two hours.  Eve & I were in & out of the sauna for awhile.  It was real nice to have a pool to yourselves.

I am going to quit smoking for a week or so.  I haven't been feeling so good.  I want to see if it will make any difference on my system.  I have also been a good space cadet.  (I mailed two letters without stamps.)

I have been using my blender to make smoothies.  I used orange juice or tangerine juice and add a banana, orange, apple, yogurt or whatever else comes to mind.  So far I have had total success.  My bread is still delicious.  I made rolls last time & of course they came out perfect. I'm getting to be a good cook.

I will give you my guitar when I buy myself a new one.  I have to get to Spain.  But I won't be able to give it to you until I get back to the states.  I will send it back with either me or my household goods.

Not much else to say.  I could get into a long discussion about the future events of this planet.  It's really hard to say what the reason for the change is but I do believe that mankind is going to be placed in a position where it will be the "survival of the fittest".  I would like to do some reading on predictions in the next twenty years or so.

January 13, 1977 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.  How are you?  I'm fine.  Not exactly feeling comfort inside but I am pleased with my progress since I have been back to Naples.

My flight back wasn't too bad but I found it uncomfortable sitting up and trying to sleep.  None the less I managed to get some sleep. Nobody mete me at the airport but I guess it was expected.  I never wrote to tell them that I was coming back the same flight as I had originally planned.

I went out & partied the first few nights that I got back but I found myself to be sliding back into the same rut as when I left.  Darrell was the one who make me think that I better change now before I find it too hard.  He only played his game on me too soon.

I set up my bedroom so I will be able to get at my sewing, knitting, cloths, etc easier and leave the room in order.  I bought a card table and I have my sewing machine all set to be used.  I also plan to have my macrame work handy.  So now is the time to be creative.

I am doing yoga 2-3 times a day.  I do the three exercises you showed me in the morning.  After work I do leg stretching and in the evening back stretching.  My middle back hurts and I found it difficult to sit in one position and type for more than five minutes.  Tonight I will soak in the bathtub.

I'm making my dinner which consists of carrots, onions, green peppers, rice, spinach, and tomatoes sauteed in olive oil.  After my dinner or during I have a glass of wine to aid in digestion.

I'm glad to be back but I'm not all that happy.  I'm going to find a new direction.  I hope to meet some different people who offer a little more in life.  I'm not counting on it tho.  I will just let it be.
I might go skiing this weekend with some girls at work.  I have to do errands so I'm not sure if I'll go.  I think we'd have a lot of fun tho.  I'll see how it goes tomorrow.

It was great being home with the family at Xmas.  It really warmed my spirits.  Now I know in my mind that my life is lacking a part to make me more at peace but I can't say what it is.  I will just have to keep my feet on the ground trying to keep a direction that is my own path.  I'm set to leave to start out to better roads but the time is not right for now.  (But we both feel the same I'm sure.)

Take care brother Paul.

I hope to see you soon.

I didn't go skiing this weekend.  I didn't make it up in time to go.  But I had a good day with somewhat.  Richard came over (he is a guy I've know by face but not personally) to look for hash with me.  First off he hit a car almost the same time that I just missed clamming into his car.  A few seconds later I was trying to get around a double parked car & I hit it.  Fortunately, I did not do any damage but the driver wanted my name etc.  While we were exchanging autographs I caused a traffic jam.  By this time my friend finally came back to see what I was doing.  His car wouldn't start so we had to tell his roommate.  After leaving his house I was turning my car around when my car fell into a ditch.  (Only my front right wheel.)  This was no ordinary ditch.  It was about 20 inches deep.  Our day was pretty much that way but I had a good day.  I managed to buy my hash.  The first smoke I've botten since I've been over here.  In fact I'm going to smoke a bowl now.

I had a good time with Rich yesterday.  So I hope that I will meet some of his friends.  We had some homemade vino that his landlord gave to him.

I might go to Munchen to see Pink Floyd in concert next month.  It should be interesting.

That's all from me.

November 24, 1976 (Letter from Barb N)

Again I enjoyed your letter thoroughly.  I was so excited last nite when I found out the whole family would be in Warren at X-mas.  Now I haven't any 2nd thoughts of the money I will spend to get home.

I will check into my flight no. and arrival time today.  I still have to write a check.  I told Mom to put $400.00 in my checking account but I haven't heard a reply so I'm uneasy about writing a check.  I will give Mom a few more days.

If I get a hop into Philly I am debating if I should fly to Springfield.  Pete is going to drive to Norfolk and I would like to go down there with him. Send me your phone no. so I can call you to tell you my plans..  If I have to call collect I will reimburse you.  (I will call collect from the States.)

Have I remembered all there is concerning my trip home.  I hope so.

We are very much alike in our personalities even tho I have not matured as far as you have.  I mean in thee sense of how real we are to ourselves.  I still feel like a child of the world retreating into myself when I encounter situations in life.  I am aware at this point.  I know that I must solve these problems through proper thought then follow through with the correct actions.

For so long I have shut myself off in thought.  I have been thinking only of the problems and I never took the time to understand why there was a problem, how it came to be etc.  I purposely stopped myself from progressing in a straight path.

I too feel that a lot of mysteries of our subconscious can be opened through smoking.  A few days ago I smoked by myself and was listening to King Crimson's "I Talk to the Wind".  I was aware of minutest sounds that I have never listened to when I was straight.  I too have sat down and looked at myself as a third person.  I can come to find answers but I'm such a fool at times.  I won't apply the knowledge that I contain.  I don't understand why I am such a weak person.  I am not aware of myself at all time.  It's like I am two persons that don't get along.  That is why I talk to people of what I am.  One of me is fake the other is real.

Instead of getting involved in a long letter I'm sure we can talk when I get back home.

November 8, 1976 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.

I want to write to you right away and ask you a favor.  I want to fly into Boston from Rome and I was wondering if you still have your car if you could pick me up at the airport.  If not I could probably take a bus.  I think that I will be going to the states 10 December & I should get to Boston on the 11th which is a Saturday.

A friend of mine is going to New Hampshire and I want to ride with him.  We will go back to Norfolk and he will take me to Warren.

I'm trying to get the general arrangements together.  I will stay at your house a few days, I think.

Everybody is moving out of the house soon.  I will have to find a place somewhere.  It's a hassle over here.  Damn I need to get back over to the States.   I was thinking tonight that I don't have one friend in Naples, but I just remembered that I do have one friend and that's Charlie Brown.

Paul I was thinking in a frantic way but I still have my senses.  I have to look ahead now when life is scattered over here.  Maybe we can talk when I et back home.  A good talk.

I am going to dinner at Mariano's house tonight.  I met him one night when I was walking.  His mother is cooking a meal for me so I'm going to feast on good Italian food.

Write me soon.

November 4, 1976 (Letter from Barb N)

I must say that I always enjoy your letters.  I don't feel that you are looking at life wrong because I see the same picture and I also disagree.  Let me tell you that I have felt frozen for the past months but now I feel a relief slowly oozing through me.

How should I start to tell you the events that have led up to now.  I should tell you that our household is going their separates ways in January.  Darrel and Laura share the same room only they are distant friends most of the time.  They don't relate to each other as two people who sleep together should.  Laura has deep religious convictions and Darrel loves to party.  God knows why Laura loves Darrel so much.  Laura can not live here because she has lost herself a long time ago. It would only hurt her more to stay.

Darrel and I could share the apartment together but I don't want to.  My feelings which I now realize are I feel that Laura is a mother image and Darrel would be my brother.  I feel that because Laura is against drinking and smoking totally, I have to hide so I don't hurt her.  But I feel like when I was at home in Warren.  So I am caught up in what I am and what I am in Laura's eyes.

What irritated our household and brought forth the hidden disease is Sten.  Laura and Darrel met him in Amsterdam and he is now here for a two week visit.  I don't know why his presence caused such a disturbance but it seems as if a black cloud lingers over our lives.  Sten has totally disrooted my life, thrown me down to the ground, and spit on my forehead.  I say it is good for me.

Paul, I have this problem of constantly telling my life to others which is wrong.  I get caught up in myself so many times.  I play the part of the fool but I never seem to change my role.  It is easy to speak as I have confessed to the "priest" so many times before but to be honest and change leaves me too weak inside.

I am caught up in religion.  I don't believe that man has to say that I believe in Christ and have eternal life.  Man has been granted a life of God when each entity has the will to live in his favor. We have to break all the bonds and get down to the basics of life.  If we were to understand more we would have to be more attuned to nature.  Yes, man is building a synthetic society, straying far from the course of God.  Even the churches are to blame.

If I could only think of myself and stop trying to reach favor in other's eyes.  This is my fault.  Only I need people like you and Larry who value life.  Who understand more than most people.  I believe most people are committing the greatest sin by conforming to the perverse world.  It makes me want to hate.

It has been raining continuously now for the past few weeks.  One of the main roads out to where a lot of Americans live has been blocked off.  The road fell through.  Farther down the road by the Olivetti factory 1/2 of the roadside avalanched down the hillside and half the road is closed for repairs.  Most of this area is built on lava and with the abundant rainfall this year it is loosening the soil  Destruction is at a rampage in Italy.  I don't fear for my life because I will survive and be a very strong woman.  I do believe I have a powerful destiny.

I bought a stereo for $100 so I have a Garrard turntable, a Sound Design amp (which I plan to sell), and TEK speakers.  I'm satisfied with the set but I plan to buy a receiver.  I also am buying albums.  I have been cheap for so long.  I have 3000.00 in the bank and no debts plus my G.I. bill so I feel justified in my spending.

I am going to come home during X-mas for 3 weeks.  I want to get back home.  I am not sure if I will go to the lake next summer.  I will discuss it when I come home.  There are people I want to see back home.  I am looking forward to the change.

I am going to become a connoisseur of wine.  I am indulging in a few glasses of Ischia Blanco which is excellent.  The wine in Italy is natural without preservatives.  In most trattorias (restaurants) they have their own home-made wine not to mention the excellent pasta they serve.

Paul I get a big kick out of playing the guitar.  I really do enjoy myself.  I am not good but I still try to practice as much as possible.  I have found it very worthwhile.

I thought your beard was attractive on you.  I do have a preference to masculine features and I think facial hair well=trimmed adds to a man's appearance.  I will tell you that I was going to let the hair on my legs and underarms grow out but I felt that I lost my femininity.  I am conforming to our society's standards only I choose to conform.

I will end here now.

September 25, 1976 (Letter from Barb N.)

Hello.  I thought I would only write to Larry, but I enjoyed your letter (which I just finished reading) so much I had to reply while your thoughts are still fresh in my mind.

I got back from the Oktoberfest this morning & I am happy to be home for now.  I am going to try and tell you of my highlights of my journey to Munchen.

Doobie, Dean, and Frank, and I left Naples last Friday and caught our train to Rome which left at 2330.  We slept in a couchette which is a compartment with six pull down-or-up beds.  We met Nola and Eric on the train who seemed to have their problems with finding a bed.  They were all "fucked up" both verbally and otherwise.  Finally they got a bed and Eric had a bowl before he went to sleep. That was the beginning of our party.

In the morning we were abruptly awoken and told to get off the train.  Nola found out that there was a strike at Trento.  So we loaded up our belonging into a bus and headed for the Austrian border.  It was well worth the bus trip and two hour delay from our schedule just to see the scenery. Southern Italy is so old and rugged looking while northern Italy through Austria and Germany is filled with green pastures and soaring mountains.  I really got off on the view and fresh, chilly air.

The first nite at the fest we took it easy and only had two beers.  (each beer is a liter mug.)  We were feeling fine by the end of the nite.

The second nite we went to see Graham Nash and David Crosby in concert.  I will never regret going to that concert in all my life!  They plays all their goodies including songs from CSNY.  But the end of the concert put me on a cloud for a good 15 minutes.  They left before their encore and the crowed went wild for them.  They came back to sing "Chicago" and "Teach Your Children". When you get to the part "Don't you ever ask them why if they told you you would cry so just look at them and sign and know they love you"  the band stopped singing and the audience took over and did an outstanding job.  I was singing my heart out.  I know my soul was tingling.  God -- it was great!

The next two nites at the "O" fest were really wild.  We liked the Haufbrau tent the best since most of the people were our age.  All the happy drunks were singing and tasting while the band played polkas, etc.  I managed to drink four liters of good German beer.  Beer like you'll never taste in the states.  I enjoyed myself so much.

The last nite Doobie and I went to Innsbruck Austria for the day.  Basically we went shopping through the town.  I took slides of Germany and Austria so I will show them up at the lake next summer.

Munchen's transportation system was very impressive.  I can say they have their shit together.  It's all so new and immaculate.

Munchen is my favorite city for many reasons.  I love the German people there.  The city is very flat and good for a bike.  In the squares with the shops you see a lot of one-two-three man acts trying to get money.  One guy was playing bagpipes and had his quit-sneaker outfit.  I also saw some good guitar acts.  One guy was playing the bongos.  But the German people took a delight in watching these people.  It was all so refreshing.

I want to get involved in yoga.  I have been doing it on and off for a year now not accomplishing too much for myself.  I find breathing properly is very relaxing.  But I'm still an upright person with too many worries.  (I worry over what people think of me and that is the worst way to be but I find myself thinking of the other persons nasty remarks and I get scared -- stupid!)   Now I am going to try and calm myself for my own well being.

I'm going to bed so I'll finish this letter in the morning.

Good morning.

Continuing with yoga, I am going to sign up for a class next month.  It might help me more to speak with people who know yoga better than myself.

Now that I am back I am going to be better to myself.  I hope to relax and take in my surroundings at a restful pace.  Yoga should be the key to my well-being.  I hope it will stimulate me in all aspects.  So I hope to be on the right path now.

I would like a good camera also.  I might buy a friend's camera.  It's a Canon but I don't know the model.  Mike is into photography and he prefers another model where he can do more of his own setting with the camera.

I plan to sell my guitar and buy another model.  I am getting pretty involved in playing.  I enjoy it so much.  Hopefully next summer I will be able to play a few times at the lake.

Paul I want to put in for an early out for school.  I'd like to go to school for one or two semesters then go to Sweden with Larry.  But I'm not sure what direction is best for me.  I feel I need some education because I want to learn but I would like to go to a vocational for a skill.  I am still considering nursing.  If I can go for two years I would have some training that I could use if I didn't go all the way.  I could always work at a head start program.  Do you have an opinion or suggestions of schools?

I'm glad Dale is finally going to school.  I'm sure he will do well.  This is the beginning of Dale's own life.  Another steps towards his own being.

I had a good talk with Laura, my roommate, last nite.  We both look toward living as bounded by God's glory.  I am trying to understand the philosophy of his love but when I reach him I will find my peace.  Laura was predicting part of the future she sees for me.  I felt clouded as if in a vision when she spoke.  But today I must remain myself striving to live life with feelings that change like the wind.

I will end here for now.

September 10, 1976 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.

So how are you?

I'm getting ready to go home from my mid watch.  Twelve hours is a long time to be cooped in a room without windows.  I'm standing watches with my roommate Darrel.  He is no problem whatsoever to get along with.  When Darrel was on leave I stood watches with Sharon who never stops complaining.  he could really get me uptight.

Before work I made your lasagna recipe and it came out pretty good.  I decided to feat on watch.  Laura, Darrel, and I sat down at the platters dish for a dinner. (Laura is my other roommate.)

Here comes Carrel now and I have to sort the message traffic.  I can't wait until they install the computers so we don't have to hassle with sorting traffic.  The computers will be here on the 15th.

I'm getting set to go to the Oktoberfest in Munich.  It should be an enjoyable time.  There will be four of us in the group.  Crosby and Nash are doing a concert at the festival.

I am anxious to get back to the states next summer.  I really want to go to the lake.  I have been dropping hints.  I will put in a chit next April.  The glamour of life overseas has faded fast.  I enjoy being here but not in the Navy living in Naples.  I feel too restricted.  It really doesn't matter where I go now because I still have a year and two months in the Navy.  I can't wait to get out of this outfit! I feel that I am losing too much "freedom".  I find working with officers too absurd.

Enough of that.

I broke down and bought an album by Firefall.  I really enjoy their music.  My guitar playing is doing fair to bad.  I plan to buy a better guitar and sell mine.  I really enjoy playing the guitar.

I went to Florence a few weeks ago and had a marvelous time.  I really enjoy getting away.  I want to see Venice before it falls in the water.

I was talking to a guy tonite and he was saying he has been a Christian now for 5 months.  He is selling all his belongings and moving back into the barracks.  I don't agree that the way to "heaven" is only through accepting Christ.  Man is put on earth to cultivate and nurture its growth.  I'm not saying we have done a good job but I believe if people weren't so lazy and selfish the world would be a "heaven on earth".  I believe in God and I cannot deny him.  I'm searching for a direction in life. But I believe fervently that we should strive to enjoy the beauty we are blessed with.  It's no sin to own luxuries if they are used constructively and not for impressions.  I don't believe we were put here to be persecuted and if Jesus died on the cross an innocent man it wasn't to shame us but to show us that he served a godly life full of good virtue.  If Jesus died of old age it wouldn't have had any impact on civilization.  I don't want to be frightened into believing I will perish in hell just to accept Jesus as my saviour.  I would rather live a good life full of positive deeds than to run and shout meaningless words to listeners who grow deaf.  Maybe time will change my views.  I am still very young.

Better end here.

July 3, 1976 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.

I just got your letter today.  I was wondering when I would hear from you, but I knew I would get a letter eventually.  Before I go into a lengthy account of my feelings concerning your letter, I will tell you of the general happenings here in Naples.

We took the Admiral's barge out last Thursday and spent the day at Capri.  I was invited along with the DP's and a few others who went along.  The boat we went on was "plush" since it's supposed to be used only for transporting admirals back and forth.  Our Admiral lets each command use the boat for a day in the summer.  It was so beautiful weather-wise and the Mediterranean was a aqua marine around the coast.  We ate lunch overlooking the swimmers with a vibe that puts you in a fairy tale existence.

After lunch we decided to swim back to the barge.  I was feeling risky so I took off my dress and swam back topless.  We proceeded to a cave and started to go snorkeling when the next thing I knew everybody was skinny-dipping.  I would have preferred to swim with my bathing suit on to save more talk but I indulged and went topless.  Word got out after our trip that everyone was skinny dipping.  If the Admiral hears of t his he is going to flip his bars.  I don't mind the naked body but I feel that discrimination should be used for many reasons.  I will learn a lesson.

I must say I have had many problems lately and my attitude has turned sour.  There is so much happening to me that really hurts deep inside of me.  I don't know why I was supposed to come to Naples but at this moment I feel it is a curse.  A lot of my feelings will remain inside of my now. This I will resolve on my own.  I feel I am racing to a peak and it will soon explode.  I am trying to save all my energy for this day.

I have been warned that someone is out to bust me.  I haven't smoked in a good while and have no intention over here.  In fact I quit drinking which I probably told you.  Started for 10 days and quit.  I have too many reasons not to drink over here.  It's a scary feeling  when I know there's a person out there who wants to harm me and tear my life apart.  All the times I have felt for people and never wanting to harm anyone.  I know from past experience I have a tendency to impress strangers that I don't like them.  It's the way I am and I won't change.  I am locking my car door all the time.  I don't know if they are going to plant it in my car or what, but I got the impression they want to bust me that bad.  I might seek legal advice but I'm not really sure what to do.  That person may or may not be serious.  I don't really know.  But it's a terrible feeling and it makes me want to understand the hate they have inside.  What kind of person are they anyways?

So as you can surmise my senses have been slapped, punched, played with, and stepped on.  I feel the pain of everyday existence and it's such an awakening nightmare for me.  I have intentions of taking leave soon. I find that if I leave this environment just for awhile it will help to live through the period in Naples.  Naples has an appropriate motto.  "See Naples and die."  Heaven forbid.

I'm sure your independent life is just what you need but I prefer to take the apron any day.  It's not as easy as all that though.  To find a compatible mate is my hardest feat in life.  Sometimes I dwell upon him wishing he were here.  I can not deny that I need him. When you don't have anyone to love leaves life very empty.  My friends can not and will not compensate for him. I could be a great mother and wife but I won't advertise.  He may never come to me but I don't think so.  It just gets lonely at times.  Right now he would do me good.  Again, this is the feel I am and I won't change.  (At least for the moment.)

I have been writing to Gordon who is in Bermuda.  I am going to take leave and visit him there.  I will probably come back to the states also.  I will decide at the end of the month.  I plan to visit Sweden in the spring.

Larry sent me a belated birthday package which included tea, shampoo, sun lotion, sunflower seeds, etc.  I needed it, too!

Moses came in tonight and gave me two red carnations.  He has a crush on me but Moses falls in and out of love each day.  He's a nice person, though.

I was showing a guy my car a few minutes ago and he asked me where the fist dent came from. So I can't be certain but someone might have put a fist to the hood of my car tonight.  Have you ever had a feeling of bad to come that you couldn't erase inside.

I don't want to sound ridiculous but maybe you can help me in some way, even to say don't worry. I am all right and I'm not scared of what awaits me.  I'm just fed up with the Navy and I'm going nuts waiting to get out of this outfit.  I mean, Paul, I've had it up to the bum with the Navy's shit.  It stinks too bad.  I'm a little unsure of myself at this moment.  I'm caught in a cyclone now.)

Enough of my foolish worries.

Paul, you got into a heavy topic which most people like to avoid because they don't want to face up to the realities of the world now!  I agree that we can not turn back and we are on a direct course for self-destruction.  I was talking with Lt. Pond who just finished reading The Ascent of Man which was on Times best seller list for the past six months.  I have not read this book but Mr. Pond told me that is goes up through time to where man is and where he went wrong.  Supposedly the book gives you a choice of where we can go.  I say wishful dreaming.  Man, just as long as one man is greedy, this world will never be "heaven on earth".  I don't know the purpose of life and the significance of death.  My beliefs stay with man on earth not upon outer space, the core, the sun etc.  Man is a very unneeding creature who has built his life to an apex where he cannot survive on basics.  He has forgotten all his knowledge of the beginning.

Man and nature should be one in the sense they are able to help each other.  More so nature helps man because nature feeds, clothes, and shelters man.  I don't want to be unrealistic and put man back into a "caveman" style of life because we have progressed way beyond that point.  But man cannot abuse nature as he has been and expect nature to survive.  We have finally aroused nature with all our polluting, stripping, unnatural building that weigh the earth, etc.  It's like a cancer that slowly grows.  She will be getting the chills first and then comes the aches and pains.  Or course, most of mankind doesn't realize that we will fell her "disease" (dis-ease) just as great.

You could give me all the scientific explanations in the world but it won't change my mind about all the catastrophes that are going on now.  I believe it will happen in our lifetime since we are at the end of the plateau.  Man has no room to move.  We cannot explore because all the land is "private" property owned by a named country.  After that I believe of what my future.  I still hope to have a family and enjoy my life.  I want to be near the people I love here.  I feel that I'm so lucky because I have three beautiful brothers and two outstanding dedicated parents.  I love mom and dad not for what they stand for but for who they are and how I see and know them.  I can't compare my family to other because you are like the hills.  It's embedded in my mind.

Paul if you ever get a chance buy an album by Dan Fogelburg because you won't regret it at all. Sit down and listen to the words.

I'm trying to remember a song of his by heart and I'll close with it.

Part of the Plan

I have these moments
All steady and strong
Feeling so holy and humble
Next thing I know I'll all
worried and weak
I feel myself starting to crumble
The meanings get lost
The teachings get tossed
And you don't know what your
going to do next
You wait for the sun but it
never quite comes
And some kind of messages
come through to you
And it says

Chorus
Love when you can
Cry when you have to
Be who you must it's
A part of the plan
Await your arrival
With simple survival
And one day we'll understand
Someday we'll understand

I had a woman who gave me
her soul
But I wasn't ready to take it
Her heart was so fragile and
heavy to hold
And I was afraid I might break it
Your conscience awakes
And you see your mistakes
You wish someone would buy your confession
The days miss their marks
The nights get so dark
And some kind of message
comes through to you
Some kind of message shoots through

Chorus

There is no Eden or heavenly gates
That you're going to make it through one day
But all of the answer will be found
In dreams that you dream on the way.

May 24, 1976 (Letter from Barb N.)

Hello.  How are you?

I'm trying to get a few letters off to friends and family.  I feel I should have a ditto machine.

I was told the legend of Saint Gemano (?) when I first got here.  On the way to work I pass by the spot where he was beheaded.  It goes that he was beheaded on a hill on where his head stopped rolling they built a church.  I don't know when he lived but they must have kept his blood and somehow the legend of the blood liquefying got started.  I was told the last time his blood didn't liquefy was three years ago they had a cholera epidemic.  The time before was World War II.  The blood is taken from a vault twice a y ear for a week and within that time if the blood liquefies Naples is safe.  Supposedly the worst tragedy happens when the blood does not liquefy in May.  Now for my opinion of this legend   It's hard to say yes or no to the tale.  I do believe there is a great possibility of bad tragedy for Naples judging from the bad times in Italy.   It seems in order to awaken people and get them back on their feet a shattering experience revives people to their senses.  I pray for good because I don't want to see a tragedy while I'm here.  But the course of the world isn't leading mankind through a period of joy at this moment.  Man has abused nature to the max and she is fighting back now.  I have to blame all of mankind for the sate of the world.  It's not just the leaders who have lead us stray.  What about the individuals who let it happen?  Anyone who believes we have easy times ahead is living with their head in the ground.  I don't want to look ahead with a pessimistic attitude but I've read too many signs that have come about now.  I'd like to deny it and say what I know is wrong but I don't  think so.  It could be another cycle in history but mankind is spread out to all corners of the earth.  Mankind has to live in harmony with nature!  He cannot control nature's forces.

Now someone predicted that Naples will be destroyed 29 May.  I don't know who this person is but it seems to me it would have to be some great prophet in order to predict this fate.  I will be in France that weekend but I had plans to go three for a month.  I have fears about living here now but I can't live in fear of living.

I am buying an Opel Rekord for 950.00 from a Chief.  I think I'm getting a good deal, too.  It's a 1970. The tires are good and it purrs like a cat.  He's a good person and I've known him for awhile now.  He knocked off $45.00 for me so I can check it over. I don't' feel that I'm being ripped off.

I don't regret my smoking especially when I started.  I too was ready to handle it and I don't feel that it harmed me.  I feel it opened many doors in my mind.  But now I don't need that kind of high. It's been over a month now since I've partied.  I feel so good, too.

I've been keeping to the guitar.  My fingers are starting to get raw now.  I enjoy playing teh guitar so much.

I have decided against taking anymore courses after evaluating my last class.  I feel I'm trying to do steps just to look good when it may not be my direction.  I don't like the way the educational system is set up by learning through your ass.  Maybe it's because my interest lies with the arts and children.  But sometimes I am too foolish.  I'm trying to get on a steady path.  I'm having a little trouble now.

I will end here.

May 7, 1976 (Letter from Barb N)

I found the rest of the camera goods amongst some papers so I will enclose a short note along.

Today I went snorkeling a few miles up the coast from where I lie.   I was so cold and colder yet because I did not have a wet suit on.  We stayed in the water about an hour or so and right now I fell very invigorated.  Basically we did surface dives and practiced our kicks under the water. I kept on swallowing the water and a few times I thought I'd choke.  One time I was laughing so hard that I couldn't blow air in my vest.

The weather is turning warm and soon the tourists will flow into Naples.  I welcome the warm weather but not the tourists.

I'm thinking about selling my car and buying a VW van.  I'm sure you have opened your eyes on the news.  I will call home tomorrow to get some money out of the bank for it.  I have various reasons which add up.  I will ship it back to the States when I'm out of the Navy.  I'm sure I'll need transportation when I get out and this way I'll have it paid for.  The Fiat I have won't make it out of town and back.  It's such an antique!

I got a tape from home.  Mom sent me a few recipes.

I'll end here to get the camera goods off.

When I'm in the mood I'll write a long letter.

May 1, 1976 (Letter from Barb N)

I had to tear up part of yesterday's note.  It was poorly written.

I'm back on my four days on.  I work days this string of watches.  It has been a relatively quiet morning.

Laura, m y other roommate, comes back from the states this week.  I'm looking forward to her return. I miss talking to her.  She has a pretty stable disposition and quite "together" for her inexperience   She comes from Minnesota and has led a sheltered, "strict-Catholic" life.

I went to a party last night and I came back with a "natural high".  I made a resolution on my birthday that I was not going to smoke or drink for a year.  (Just to see how my body and mind take to it.)  I know that I am strong enough to go through this time and I feel very good inside.

I have been writing my dreams down now and then for the past couple of years.  (I keep a notebook by my bed now.)  I find that most of my dreams are my true emotions coming out in a particular situation.  But then there are always some abstract part in my dream that takes deep thought to figure out.  I feel that realizing what's behind my dreams it will help me with some of my emotional decisions.

I'm hoping to go to Switzerland, Germany, and Austria over Memorial Day weekend.  I have to talk to Frank and see how much time he will be getting of. I definitely need a change of scenery.

That's all that's new from me.

April 24, 1976 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.

This letter should offset the last letter I sent to you in the states.  It was rather bleak and hardly worth anything but a quick disposal in a garbage can.

Mom has been conveying the good news about your homecoming to Springfield.  It seems that the months of waiting has been worthwhile and "Lady Luck" has finally come your way.  There is no bright future in Warren for your direction in life as your stile is a little bit more progressive than what Warren offers.  No matter how good it would be to ave money I would much prefer to "save my soul."  It seems that you have so much at your hands.  The ocean, Boston, the mountains -- skiing, Canada, and all the cultural history of New England.

How do you feel towards your job?  Are you cramped to one facet or are there other realms to get involved in?  I'm interested to hear what you exactly do and how well you have adapted to your job.

Mom said that you are eating with Edna quite a bit.  It sounds like the relatives have been good to you and I real asset for you well being.  I did enjoy the brief visit to Springfield last summer and I found the area itself quite comforting.

I will say I'm quite anxious to leave this navy life all behind and get out into the world.  I feel so sheltered at times by the Navy's programs that leave so much to be desired.  I understand it's basic goals only they do restrict any individual who wants to expand himself through means of his/her own. But I guess it holds for the outside.  At least you have a choice whereas I am virtually helpless at times.  I'm not complaining, tho.

I'm still very uncertain of my future.  I have not formulated any plans of what to do once I leave.  I was considering nursing school, but I am put down by the process of learning through my "rear" (buttocks).  My anthropology course has disillusioned me to an extend in that the knowledge I thought I needed from an instructor I can gain just as well from a book.  I'm not defeated from returning to school.  It is not a priority for me at this moment.

I am sending you a catalog of cameras that you can dream through.  You should be able to judge the prices overseas and in the states.  I don't know that much of cameras but leafing through the booklet I'm sure it will satisfy your fancy.

I bought a guitar and I have been playing or trying to practice every day.  I hope to be writing some music next year or sooner if I progress at a rapid rate.  I met this one guy who plays the guitar beautifully.  I was surprised when he played from Shawn Phillips' "Second Contribution" album, "The Ballad of Casey Jones (?)  Not too many people know of him unless they are farther into rock.  I'm hoping Don will give me lessons.

Have you an album by Dan Fogelberg?  At the moment he is my favorite!  I want to find his first album only I don't know the name.  I have his second and third ("Souvenirs" and "Captured Angel").  I'm sure these last two albums are making him "big".

I heard from Julie in Sweden.  She will make arrangements for my journey to Sweden.  Also was told I would have a warm reception by the relatives.  I still haven't set a date.  I want to wait to travel after the fall when tourist season has faded.

Dale finally has done or served his time.  I'm sure he learned a lesson from the time spent in confinement.  I hope he will use his time to make his life not so haphazard.  It's quite sad that he had to spend a part of his life locked up.  My only apprehension is he will stay stagnant but I am being foolish.  I have a tendency to be overbearing with my feelings towards Dale, especially when it takes so much to reach him.  Did you get a chance to talk with him when you were at home?

I bought Dale a tapestry for his birthday.  It is of two arabs on horses escaping from a palace with a kidnapped female on their horse.  Charlie Brown gave me the same tapestry to me on my birthday only it was in a smaller size than Dale's.

I want to go off someplace over Memorial weekend.  I will have to get some people together and take off.  I went to Sorrento a few weekends ago and up the Almalfi Drive with Doobie (he's 6'8"j). We had a crowd of Italians around us trying to find out about us.  The Italians do quite a bit of staring.  They are very liberal in their love making also.  They are very unique people.

I will end here and add comments tomorrow.

It's a beautiful day and I have a clear view of the Med.  I can look out my front porch and to the right there is a harbor.  It is interesting to watch the ships pass by.  I lie a block from the Med and I get the most glorious feeling looking at the see.

I will end here for now.

Hello again.

You should see the Med today.  Gorgeous.  In fact I should be sitting outside.  (I will after I finish this letter to you.)

February 1, 1976 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.  Well, it's been four months since I've last seen you.  I imagine it has been a long period of time for you.  Has any good news arrived concerning a job?  I'm hoping for the best for you.

As for me, I'm rather discouraged with the Navy.  I can't agree with their war games.  There is so much that goes on here which most people are ignorant of.  I don't know half what's really going on, but I do know enough.  Sometimes you want to laugh at them other times you want to cry because you can't do anything.  There is no way you can reason with them either.

My chief at work had me carrying boxes that weighed 45 pounds each.  I had to carry 30 boxes into the back room of our office because I am of seaman.  I'm not a man and I haven't any intentions of competing with a man.  Here some people who have been living the Navy way are totally unrealistic at times.  But I must comply while I'm in.

It seems the Navy has progressed slowly downhill for me.  I can't name any advantages dealing with the work.  The security of the Navy is fine.  I imagine a corporation is just as bad.

Enough of the Navy for now.

I've been buying a lot of nice adds and ends for my future home.  I see so much that I want.  I'll have to really budget these next few months.  My federal income tax should help me immensely.  I want to get a rocking chair sometime soon.  I saw a beautiful coat rack.

Hello again.

I'm trying to figure out a budget if I decide to buy a van.  I will have to find out how much a new van would cost me.  It might be easier to buy a van and convent it to a camper.

I think I will take a course at the Univ. of Maryland next semester.  I'd like to take a philosophy or psychology course.  If I go to college I'd like to go back as a sophomore.  You probably heard I'm thinking about going to Penn State.  I want to go to school in Pennsylvania my first year. Hopefully it will be cheaper.  I'm interested at the moment in art or agricultural .  I'd appreciate any advice form you.

I haven't been doing that much.  I'm waiting to get settled in an apartment.  Laura and I plan to go looking this Wednesday   I'd like to get a villa but you have to travel farther to get to any cheap villas.  That would mean I'd have to get up at 5:00 a.m. to make it to work on time.  (I'd be up with the roosters.)

Not much more to say.  I just wanted to write you so you didn't think I forgot about you.

July 29, 1975 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.  I am in Warren sitting in the living room and listening to George Harrison's "All Things Must Pass" album.    It's nice to be away from the Navy.

We had a real nice time in Mass.  Most of the time was spent in Johnny's pool or playing jarts and chess.  I finally found a chess set for only $3.69.  It was on sale.  It is magnetic board.  I'd say it's the size of a regular checker board.  We saw all Mom's close relative.  It was interesting.

Johnny is turning out pretty good in spite of his overbearing parents.  We got along with with him. Johnny's grandmother showed us a few pictures of Sweden.  She is a real fine lady.

I started doing my yoga exercises last week. I think it will benefit a lot.  I am trying to get my physically and mentally in good shape.  I want to change myself to a better person.

I was going to call my detailer today, but I misplaced his number.  I will have to call him when I get back from leave.  I hope to get overseas by October.

I am now in the process of giving my clothes to the Salvation Army.  I have so many needless clothes that are never worn.  I certainly won't be able to take a lot with me overseas.  I will have to be practical.

I bought some shoes in Mass and they are the most comfortable shoes I've worn in a long time.  I'm throwing away all the ridiculous shoes I've bought for pure style.  I see no need to follow fashion when my health is endangered.  I can't see how I could wear some of my shoes, after stepping in the pair I have now.

I bought 5 shirts from India.  They have them in the Penney's store at the Enfield Mall in Conn.  The rest of my new wardrobe will be hand made byt myself in the near future.  I have a few ideas in mind.

I am going bike riding this afternoon with Pam Bonace.  She got a teaching

July 9, 1975 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello how are you?  I hope your job is going better for you.  Is it still tense in the prison?

I am taking leave starting the 20th of July and ending the 11th of August.  Now that I decided to go home I am anxious to get home.  Mom said we will go to Mass on Monday the 21st.  I haven't seen the relatives in such a long time that it will e good to visit them again.  I think we are going to visit Cape Cod also.

I have decided to go overseas.  My career counselor went to D. C. and he talked to my OS detailer.  I had a choice of going to Damnek, which is a small base 20 miles from Norfolk.  If I stayed in this area I would move off base and since I don't have a car it would be harder to rely on another person for a rid.e  I also would not be able to go overseas if I transferred to Damnek.  So I called my detailer and he told me they had 1 billet for Italy, and a few for Iceland, Puerto Rico, and Cuba.

McZiemba changed my mind about Iceland.  He told me to pick Italy.  I would be able to tour Europe more easily.  I don't know if I will get Italy.  I will probably find out after I get back off of leave.

Have you read the book "A World Beyond" by Ruth Montgomery?  It talks of life after death.  I now believe in reincarnation.  I have also gotten any books I can find concerning Edgar Cayce.  I don't know how Mom and Dad will react.  I want them to read this book and think about what it does say.

Paul I wish I would see you again.  I am almost positive that I will be going overseas.  It will mean that I won't see you for another year and a half.  But I am thinking what I will do once I get back. Wherever you are at I will take leave and fly out to see you.  I don't like to lose contact with friends I care for.  Even though you are my brother I also consider you a friend.  I believe that you love from not seeing a person.  Of course, you can always get reacquainted with each other.

I feel at this point in my life I need to get out and receive experience from daily living.  I am happy about the position I am in.  I look at others I know and I'm so glad I didn't get into a rut of being married.  (I guess the Nelson's are hard to get a hold of at the altar.)  But there is so much that I have to learn through patience and experience.  That is another reason I choose to go overseas. To travel was one of my reasons in joining the Navy.

I feel an inner calm that I am acquiring.  I know how I stand with God now.  It was hard to find him with the background we had.  We could follow him as a religious philosophy and never come to peace with him or truly open our hearts and minds to what he is.  To me denying there is a God is denying the existence of yourself.  I believe the church wants you to be afraid of him like a shadow. He lurks and knows all you do.  The only person who knows all you do and will judge justly is your soul.  I never understood but now I do.  It's part of my inner peace.

I couldn't accept Christians who lived to save their necks by trying to "save their souls".  For me I couldn't accept my feelings of a God, but I could not deny them. I want to be a better person to mankind and not to fool people throughout my life.  This is what I have to do next.  I have to accept people as they are.

I was told by some English sailors never to trust anybody and they meant it.  I don't believe that because trust means a lot to me.  Sure you can't have someone to totally rely on if you can live by your own means, but you need trust between each other.

People can fool me by lying to me, but I will never fool a person by lying especially if I would harm a person.  There are too many people being lied to and one more lie does make a difference.

From reading the prophecies to Edgar Cayce, there is going to be a lot of changes from now until 1998. I think daily living matters more.  You have to find peace within yourself.

I am almost done with another working day so I'll close now.  I want to write more to you.

10 July -- Good morning.  It's another day.  What else can I say about it?  So far it doesn't look too promising, but I'll have to change that.  (I don't seem to be functioning this morning.)

Did I tell you I am considering going to school after I get out of the Navy?  That is after Larry and I go to Sweden.  I can't really say what I will do.  I would like to travel a bit when I get out.

I have a lot of friends who want to live in Australia.  I don't see what the big kick is about living there.

We went camping last weekend in Nags Head, North Carolina.  I slept in the car with the windows down and the mosquitoes got me for a feast.  Nothing I put on the bites have discouraged the itching.  I want to sick call and they gave me Benadril.  Just what I need.  If you were a pill freak you could keep a good supply from sick call.

We did have a good time in Nags Head.  We had a raft and rode it on the waves.  (You could fit four bodies side by side.)  When the waves would break we'd get thrown over.  The waves were pretty decent on Friday.  The only thing that would bother me was at night I would close my eyes and see the waves breaking.  I like water and I'm not afraid of it, but I have to respect the ocean.

Have you been hiking?  Do you like Montana, now that it is summertime?

I better go to work now.

May 30, 1975 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.  I got your letter now.  I'm perfectly content at the moment and I am really enjoying myself for the first time in a long time.

I bought a ten speed at the Marine Exchange on base for $76.  I couldn't see paying over $100 for a bike that would do just as good.  Some friends paid $150 for their bikes.  They are real good bikes, but I saved $70 so I'm happy.

I plan to move off base soon.  I want to start pricing places and find the most reasonable place for $100, give or take a few bucks.  I will move in with Sue, a friend that I have recently gotten to know better.  It seems funny sometimes when we hit it right on the nail to what we both like.  A couple of times we just cracked up because of what one said.  She used to like Ringo when the Beatles first came out and so did I.  I don't know how we got on the subject.  Anyways I think I could get along better with her than any of my other friends.  I certainly don't want to live with a chick who is a bitch and I don't want to live with a guy when I am just starting to really enjoy myself.

Sue and I are going to drive to Warren for the weekend in two weeks.  I cannot wait to get back and look at the hills.  I sure miss the beauty of Warren.  I'll take and show Sue the dam.  Tim is in a band and I want to see him play the drums.

I saw the Eagles in concert last Sat night.  The acoustics were terrible but they put on a good show.  I want to see Pink Floyd in D.C. but I don't know if I will make it to the concert.

I am still planning to take 3 weeks this summer.  Larry wrote to say that they plan to go to New England when I am home.  I hope so.  I'm looking forward to seeing the relatives.  (I might even wear my Navy uniform to church.)

Tonight I am going fishing aboard a cabin cruiser.  I'm not sure how big the boat is, but I'm looking forward to going.  We are going to have a small party abroad the ship.  I'm really excited about going.

Mom told me that you weren't selling your car.  It was just a thought.  It would be better if you did keep your car.  I want to buy a car for a couple hundred dollars.  I want a convertible, though.

Well I'm going to leave now.

4 June.  Hello.  I'll add a few lines to this letter.

I got a flat tire on my bike last night.  I'll get Gordon to fix it for me.

I am going to drop my rate and strike for yeoman.  I don't have to attend school.  I'd rather just work at a job until I get out.  My job now isn't too rewarding.  Sometimes I have to push myself in what I have to do.

I plan to move off base by the end of June.  Sue and I found a place seven blocks from the base.  It has 2 bedrooms, tv, washer and dryer, all utilities paid for $170.  It is the downstairs part of a house.  For the prices they ask around here that is a good deal.  Plus we are allowed to have pets.

That's about all here.

I called home and asked Mom and Dad if we are going to Mass.  I guess it all boils down to what Dale will do.  It's a shame we can't trust him.  He's 18 and maturing into a man, but he sure has a lot to improve   I don't like to get down in him, but I've pampered him much too long.

Write back soon.