October 2, 1977 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.  How are you?

Mom wrote me and said that in January you were going to have a roommate.  Sounds like it is a good idea to help you live a bit easier.   Do you plan to move into a bigger apartment or stay at the same location?  I'm wondering if you still think it's a good idea to visit with you in January.  Will this move cause a lot of rearranging, etc. and would I be in the way.  I am looking forward to visiting you.  So if you can put up with me, I certainly am very flexible; especially after adjusting to work over these past two years.

I had two wisdom teeth pulled out last Wednesday.  By the morning of the 30th my mouth was the size of a golf ball.  It wouldn't' have been too bad if I didn't have to work two mid watches.  I have a hard enough time staying awake all night without trying to recover from oral surgery.  Tomorrow I go back to the dentist to get my stitches out.

I've been dreaming quite feverently for the past month.  I try to write my dreams on paper but a lot of time I wait until a later period and then I never remember details.  I have been experiencing a flow of emotions now that my security is slowing tearing away.  I don't want to make any added changes in my life as of yet.  I have been looking at my dreams and what they mean and at incidents with people in my life and I am trying to look at myself in the light.  For the moment I feel that I should stay alert.  I read a very good book recently on reaching people.  I want to reread the book because I feel I need to retain more thoughts from this book.

I have a lot of thoughts going through my head now.  I am trying to stay neutral to any activity these last few weeks.  Once I leave here and travel through Europe I am going to piece together these thoughts.  Maybe I can even envision a path for my life.  But I won't force it.

I bought a Marantz receive amp, 2250B for $300.00  I decided to get music for myself.  I want Dale to make me a pair of speakers.  I might buy myself a turntable over here before I leave but that depends on my finances.

I sold my car for $700.00  It only took me from the time I put the sign on the bulletin board until the time I turned around.  I was real pleased to get a buyer that quick.  He told me the day before yesterday that the loan came through and he had an appointment set up to transfer ownership.

Now all I have to do is finish sewing my sleeping bag.  I am 95% down with this project.  I will be on my three days off starting tonight so I will finish this project before I go back to work on Thursday.  It has turned out to my approval.

I'm reading an interesting book by Kathryn Watterson Urkhart called "Women in Prison".  It is a very good book depicting the lifestyle of women inmates.  Prison reminds me of boot camp.

Not much else to say.

Hope life is pleasant for you.

July 30, 1977 (Letter from Barb N.)

Hello.  So how goes it back in New England?  Are you enjoying your summer?

Leroy and I broke up for good.  He told me that because I hurt him so bad when I kicked him out of the apartment that he would never go back to me.  He built up a wall that is not going to come down for a long time.  I didn't think that he would react that way to the break up.  I took our split up as a temporary lapse in our relationship but obviously he took it as an insult.  He could not even listen to the way I saw our relationship and he did not even consider to rectify our love in any way. I was very hurt for the first week.  It was a very deep wound that left me very desolate inside.  I had to think over our entire relationship and all the people involved indirectly.  This included talks with friends and with Leroy's mother.  I had come to an understanding of why it ended as it did.  After accepting the fate of our love affair I have decided that it is for the best.  Leroy and I were doomed from the beginning.  We would have destroyed each other eventually.  He was good for me for the few months that we had lived together.  I needed to experience a deeper relationship which I had avoided for 22 years of my life.  Now I am able to make a fresh start in my life in a better direction. I feel free inside again.  I was getting to the point in our relationship where I felt that I was leaning too heavy on Leroy.  I don't want to doubt myself in a relationship with a man.  Lesson learned, chapter 1.

After I knew that it was over I needed a change in my life so I cut my hair short.  I dont' feel that I was doing it for any other reason than I wanted it short.  I don't particularly like the haircut.  It is a bit shaggy, but I will wait until ti stats growing out and find a style that I like that will be easy to take care of.  My hair is as short as it was in 72.  I like it very much even it if is a bit short now.

I went on a shopping spree today and I spent $65.00 on clothes.  Now that I am single again and I have only me to support, I have a big more money in my pocket.  I also got a raise for going over four years in the service.  (I took my first oath for the Navy in July of 73,)  I want to get Christmas presents.  Do you have any idea of what you want?  I am going to buy Dad a painting and Lar a tea set.  I do not know what I will buy Mom, Dale, and you.  So if you have any suggestions please offer them.  I will give you my guitar.  It is not a good guitar but it will be adequate for starting you off.

I am looking for a new guitar.  I am not sure what to buy.  So I am going to get the advice of an expert.  I plan to take some guitar lessons form someone who will teach me what I want to know.  I don't want to get stuck with some old fogey who goes strictly by a lesson plan.  I am also going to buy a halfway decent receiver amp since prices are really cheap over here for members in the service.  I don't want to buy the largest model and have so much power I could blast the neighbors. I am going to see if Dale will make some speakers and later I'll find a turntable later on in the States.

I sent away to a company that deals in kits for down goose feather jackets, sleeping bags, etc.  I ordered a down jacket for $28.00 and a sleeping bag for $45.00.  The bag is not down feathers.  I will have to sew the jacket and the bag together but I feel that is worth the trouble for the price.  I put your name down for a catalog so you should be getting the catalog in the mail shortly.  Doobie made a jacket which is the same one I ordered and I feel it would be ideal for backpacking this winter.  It should keep me very warm.

I have been going to Carney Park pool every chance I can get.  I have been swimming widths of the pool and today I was up to 18 widths nonstop.  I plan to go every chance that I get throughout all of August.  I need to get into shape before I put a backpack on for 30 days.  I am doing yoga sporadically but I attribute my lack of success to the watch hours I stand.  I want to get into a routine when I get back to the States.  I also have cut down on my alcohol consumption 95% and the same with smoking.  I am trying to abstain from any dope until I get back to the States.  I want to clean myself out for a four month period then when I get back to the States I will most likely take a few hits or so.

That's all that has been going on in my life at the moment.  I am fine, trying to stay cool, and looking to the calendar date of 25 October.

I am going to get a European discharge from the Navy instead of going back to Philly and getting discharged there. So I won't be going on leave until the 25th of October.  But once I leave here in Naples I will never have to go back to a military station for duty.  What a relief!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See you at Christmas.

July 19, 1977 (Letter from Barb N)

I don't really know who to write to now.  I have to write to someone about the way I feel now.

It concerns Leroy and I.  After living together for four months, I decided in order to solve problems for our future it would be best for him to move out now.  I really feel the hurt now.  He is moving out of the apartment today and I know we both don't want to be separated.

But now I feel a release inside.  It's not that I'm losing him because I feel there is no need to doubt our love.  I feel that we both need to be separated in order to evaluate our relationship.

At times I felt that Leroy has a lack of inner strength.  His will is too free.  He is a strong partier, too, too strong for my needs.  Even tho he is almost 3 years younger he is more mature.  He left home at 14 and lived by his own means.  So in some respects he has a good hold on his life and in others he still needs time to find his path in life.  I told him that I want him to come to a choice on his own accord.  If he is happy with his free life style then by all means he should live it free.  I hope our separation will mean a lot to him and it will help him to come to a conclusion about his present life style.

I very much want to be with him.  He really has a lot to offer.  He can help me overcome my shyness in my personality and I can help to motivate him in a positive direction, but not yet.  My senses feel very alert today and it is only the first day of our separation.  Maybe this period will help me also.

I guess I am playing a game of risk, but it is the results of the game I am after.  If I can get these problems resolved now then hopefully we will be able to live a happy life together.  I hope so.

Other than that I don't have much to say.  I am looking towards the calendar for the pages to turn to October 15.  I heard from Larry & he is almost set to come to Europe.

Mom & Dad should be at the lake.  I wish I was there, too.  Maybe next year.

I am doing fine knowing I"ll be back in good company soon.

May 29, 1977 (Letter from Barb N)

Modern Farm and Suburban Homes (booklet)

Hello, how are you doing?  I am doing fine considering that I am basically still in the same situation I have been in for quite some time now.  I won't try to suppress my dissatisfaction for my job or the Navy in this letter to you.  It would be too apparent to hide my feelings from you.

At work we have lost two watchstanders so they had to put us into three sections.  We are back working twelve hour watches, four days on and two days off.  It is a very shitty schedule.  But when you don't have any people to replace the other watchstanders you have no choice but to make the other watchstanders work longer hours with the same pay.  The Navy system is very unfair pay wise.  This command is short of people so times are hard.  Other commands who have too many people are on easy street with the same pay and bennies.  I feel like all I do is work and sleep.  I will be so happy when I leave here.  We will have a good celebration when we meet back in the States.

I am not sure when I last wrote to you so if I rehash some old stories please bear through with me.

I have been partying a lot but hardly drinking.  I never recovered from the night I got so sick on vino and now I can't seem to drink more than a few glasses at a meal.  At least my head isn't as fuzzy. I still enjoy sitting down and smoking a bowl.  I would prefer grass but I guess I will have to stock with hash until I get back to the States.  I am going to bring some back to the States with me when I get out of the Navy.  I will carve the inside of a candle out and melt wax back into the candle.  This will make the candle and hash inside airtight.  This seems like the best idea I have heard of so far.

Want to hear a shocker.  I am going to be getting married in a year and a half.  I don't like to use the word married, it always has given me a trapped feeling.  But I think that Leroy and I will be able to enjoy life together.  I have told him that I will still go through with my plans to travel after I get out of the Navy.  We would prefer to marry right away but I think it will be better to wait.  I want to kick back and take off my shell that I have worn since I have been in the Navy.  It will also give me time to think if I really want to marry right away.  I might have a different feeling along the road.  I don't think so but who knows.  If and when I do I will be living in Texas for awhile.  I wrote to Mom and Dad and told them that I might marry.  I wonder what they are thinking.

Leroy and I took a ferry to Ishica last Thursday.  An old man who was driving the ferry had me steer the helm for a good while.  Since I had my new OM-1 Olympus Leroy was able to get a picture of me at the helm.  We went swimming at the beach and laid out in the sun.  There were a lot of German tourists on the island.  We found a path that led up to a beautiful villa.  We took a devious path and smoked a bowl.  I think if everything went all right with my camera we should have some nice slides.

The Exchange finally got my camera last week.  I bought my camera right away.  I am so pleased with my camera even tho I haven't seen any prints yet.  I know that it will bring a lot of enjoyment in the years to come.  It is well worth the investment.  Now I have to make sure that I don't get it ripped off my some Italian (or American or anyone for that matter).

I bought a backpack at the sports store yesterday.  It is a good pack for $45.00.  I also bought a pair of good hiking boots for $25.00 which is a very good price.  He started off at $50.00 and came down when we told him we only had twenty mille.  I am ready for my trip to northern Europe in October.  All I have to do is make arrangements for Larry's flight over.

The Italians who work on base have been on strike during the past week.  They were out in the streets throwing glass and burning junk cars right by the base.  NSA is a dead end and so there is only one way in and out so it is easy to cut off the road.  They had the National Guard out trying to keep the traffic flowing and the Italians from causing too much damage.  I worked mids when they were out causing hate and discontent so it really didn't affect me.

They turned off the water in the section where the base is located at for 24 hours a few nights ago. I had a mid watch and I didn't know about it until I got to watch.  I hope it is not an indication of what the summer will be like.  It's a drag when you dont' have any water in the afternoon.  It also means that the electricity will be going out this summer, too.

I am planning on visiting you for a month in Springfield.  I am not sure when will be the best time to visit you.  Maybe after the Christmas holidays if that is all right with you.  I will probably stay in Warren for a month or so just to relax.

Not much else to say at the moment.  I hope you are happy in Mass.  If I think of any other bit of info I will add a note later.

March 21, 1977 (Letter from Barb N)

...a total disaster. Bad acting, atrocious screenplay, uninspired photography, terrible direction.


Hello.

I'm finally getting time to write between my stages of depression and spurts of constructive work and play.  At least I'm to the point where I understand myself and my bodily needs.  Now I need to learn self-control through self-restraint.  It isn't all that easy for me because I always get such a low feeling inside.  Today I was talking to Evelyn and the feeling of despair became very intense so I knew that I could only overcome the feeling my altering my state of mind.  So the rest of the afternoon and the evening are spent baking break, sewing, writing letters, and cleaning out my junk.

I almost got myself into a friendship that would have led me astray.  Fortunately she has been very blunt to me and I have found that her insults have directed me back on my own path.  I can take a few put downs if there are helpful but Sam is a pain in the ass.  I fell relieved that I'm not around her except there are two problems.  I work with her and she is Darrel & my houseguest for the moment.  I'm sure the situation will improve shortly.

I have only eight months left in the Navy and I feel that it is still too long for me.  I am so happy that I only have two seasons left.

Max is in Ventura, California by herself.  Jeff went back to Warren to get a motorcycle and some money.  Max said she didn't have a job from her last letter but that was a week or so ago.

I should go do some more yoga.

Not much news in Italy.  I will write more when I am in a better state of mind and have more time.

January 13, 1977 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.  How are you?  I'm fine.  Not exactly feeling comfort inside but I am pleased with my progress since I have been back to Naples.

My flight back wasn't too bad but I found it uncomfortable sitting up and trying to sleep.  None the less I managed to get some sleep. Nobody mete me at the airport but I guess it was expected.  I never wrote to tell them that I was coming back the same flight as I had originally planned.

I went out & partied the first few nights that I got back but I found myself to be sliding back into the same rut as when I left.  Darrell was the one who make me think that I better change now before I find it too hard.  He only played his game on me too soon.

I set up my bedroom so I will be able to get at my sewing, knitting, cloths, etc easier and leave the room in order.  I bought a card table and I have my sewing machine all set to be used.  I also plan to have my macrame work handy.  So now is the time to be creative.

I am doing yoga 2-3 times a day.  I do the three exercises you showed me in the morning.  After work I do leg stretching and in the evening back stretching.  My middle back hurts and I found it difficult to sit in one position and type for more than five minutes.  Tonight I will soak in the bathtub.

I'm making my dinner which consists of carrots, onions, green peppers, rice, spinach, and tomatoes sauteed in olive oil.  After my dinner or during I have a glass of wine to aid in digestion.

I'm glad to be back but I'm not all that happy.  I'm going to find a new direction.  I hope to meet some different people who offer a little more in life.  I'm not counting on it tho.  I will just let it be.
I might go skiing this weekend with some girls at work.  I have to do errands so I'm not sure if I'll go.  I think we'd have a lot of fun tho.  I'll see how it goes tomorrow.

It was great being home with the family at Xmas.  It really warmed my spirits.  Now I know in my mind that my life is lacking a part to make me more at peace but I can't say what it is.  I will just have to keep my feet on the ground trying to keep a direction that is my own path.  I'm set to leave to start out to better roads but the time is not right for now.  (But we both feel the same I'm sure.)

Take care brother Paul.

I hope to see you soon.

I didn't go skiing this weekend.  I didn't make it up in time to go.  But I had a good day with somewhat.  Richard came over (he is a guy I've know by face but not personally) to look for hash with me.  First off he hit a car almost the same time that I just missed clamming into his car.  A few seconds later I was trying to get around a double parked car & I hit it.  Fortunately, I did not do any damage but the driver wanted my name etc.  While we were exchanging autographs I caused a traffic jam.  By this time my friend finally came back to see what I was doing.  His car wouldn't start so we had to tell his roommate.  After leaving his house I was turning my car around when my car fell into a ditch.  (Only my front right wheel.)  This was no ordinary ditch.  It was about 20 inches deep.  Our day was pretty much that way but I had a good day.  I managed to buy my hash.  The first smoke I've botten since I've been over here.  In fact I'm going to smoke a bowl now.

I had a good time with Rich yesterday.  So I hope that I will meet some of his friends.  We had some homemade vino that his landlord gave to him.

I might go to Munchen to see Pink Floyd in concert next month.  It should be interesting.

That's all from me.

November 8, 1976 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.

I want to write to you right away and ask you a favor.  I want to fly into Boston from Rome and I was wondering if you still have your car if you could pick me up at the airport.  If not I could probably take a bus.  I think that I will be going to the states 10 December & I should get to Boston on the 11th which is a Saturday.

A friend of mine is going to New Hampshire and I want to ride with him.  We will go back to Norfolk and he will take me to Warren.

I'm trying to get the general arrangements together.  I will stay at your house a few days, I think.

Everybody is moving out of the house soon.  I will have to find a place somewhere.  It's a hassle over here.  Damn I need to get back over to the States.   I was thinking tonight that I don't have one friend in Naples, but I just remembered that I do have one friend and that's Charlie Brown.

Paul I was thinking in a frantic way but I still have my senses.  I have to look ahead now when life is scattered over here.  Maybe we can talk when I et back home.  A good talk.

I am going to dinner at Mariano's house tonight.  I met him one night when I was walking.  His mother is cooking a meal for me so I'm going to feast on good Italian food.

Write me soon.

November 4, 1976 (Letter from Barb N)

I must say that I always enjoy your letters.  I don't feel that you are looking at life wrong because I see the same picture and I also disagree.  Let me tell you that I have felt frozen for the past months but now I feel a relief slowly oozing through me.

How should I start to tell you the events that have led up to now.  I should tell you that our household is going their separates ways in January.  Darrel and Laura share the same room only they are distant friends most of the time.  They don't relate to each other as two people who sleep together should.  Laura has deep religious convictions and Darrel loves to party.  God knows why Laura loves Darrel so much.  Laura can not live here because she has lost herself a long time ago. It would only hurt her more to stay.

Darrel and I could share the apartment together but I don't want to.  My feelings which I now realize are I feel that Laura is a mother image and Darrel would be my brother.  I feel that because Laura is against drinking and smoking totally, I have to hide so I don't hurt her.  But I feel like when I was at home in Warren.  So I am caught up in what I am and what I am in Laura's eyes.

What irritated our household and brought forth the hidden disease is Sten.  Laura and Darrel met him in Amsterdam and he is now here for a two week visit.  I don't know why his presence caused such a disturbance but it seems as if a black cloud lingers over our lives.  Sten has totally disrooted my life, thrown me down to the ground, and spit on my forehead.  I say it is good for me.

Paul, I have this problem of constantly telling my life to others which is wrong.  I get caught up in myself so many times.  I play the part of the fool but I never seem to change my role.  It is easy to speak as I have confessed to the "priest" so many times before but to be honest and change leaves me too weak inside.

I am caught up in religion.  I don't believe that man has to say that I believe in Christ and have eternal life.  Man has been granted a life of God when each entity has the will to live in his favor. We have to break all the bonds and get down to the basics of life.  If we were to understand more we would have to be more attuned to nature.  Yes, man is building a synthetic society, straying far from the course of God.  Even the churches are to blame.

If I could only think of myself and stop trying to reach favor in other's eyes.  This is my fault.  Only I need people like you and Larry who value life.  Who understand more than most people.  I believe most people are committing the greatest sin by conforming to the perverse world.  It makes me want to hate.

It has been raining continuously now for the past few weeks.  One of the main roads out to where a lot of Americans live has been blocked off.  The road fell through.  Farther down the road by the Olivetti factory 1/2 of the roadside avalanched down the hillside and half the road is closed for repairs.  Most of this area is built on lava and with the abundant rainfall this year it is loosening the soil  Destruction is at a rampage in Italy.  I don't fear for my life because I will survive and be a very strong woman.  I do believe I have a powerful destiny.

I bought a stereo for $100 so I have a Garrard turntable, a Sound Design amp (which I plan to sell), and TEK speakers.  I'm satisfied with the set but I plan to buy a receiver.  I also am buying albums.  I have been cheap for so long.  I have 3000.00 in the bank and no debts plus my G.I. bill so I feel justified in my spending.

I am going to come home during X-mas for 3 weeks.  I want to get back home.  I am not sure if I will go to the lake next summer.  I will discuss it when I come home.  There are people I want to see back home.  I am looking forward to the change.

I am going to become a connoisseur of wine.  I am indulging in a few glasses of Ischia Blanco which is excellent.  The wine in Italy is natural without preservatives.  In most trattorias (restaurants) they have their own home-made wine not to mention the excellent pasta they serve.

Paul I get a big kick out of playing the guitar.  I really do enjoy myself.  I am not good but I still try to practice as much as possible.  I have found it very worthwhile.

I thought your beard was attractive on you.  I do have a preference to masculine features and I think facial hair well=trimmed adds to a man's appearance.  I will tell you that I was going to let the hair on my legs and underarms grow out but I felt that I lost my femininity.  I am conforming to our society's standards only I choose to conform.

I will end here now.

September 25, 1976 (Letter from Barb N.)

Hello.  I thought I would only write to Larry, but I enjoyed your letter (which I just finished reading) so much I had to reply while your thoughts are still fresh in my mind.

I got back from the Oktoberfest this morning & I am happy to be home for now.  I am going to try and tell you of my highlights of my journey to Munchen.

Doobie, Dean, and Frank, and I left Naples last Friday and caught our train to Rome which left at 2330.  We slept in a couchette which is a compartment with six pull down-or-up beds.  We met Nola and Eric on the train who seemed to have their problems with finding a bed.  They were all "fucked up" both verbally and otherwise.  Finally they got a bed and Eric had a bowl before he went to sleep. That was the beginning of our party.

In the morning we were abruptly awoken and told to get off the train.  Nola found out that there was a strike at Trento.  So we loaded up our belonging into a bus and headed for the Austrian border.  It was well worth the bus trip and two hour delay from our schedule just to see the scenery. Southern Italy is so old and rugged looking while northern Italy through Austria and Germany is filled with green pastures and soaring mountains.  I really got off on the view and fresh, chilly air.

The first nite at the fest we took it easy and only had two beers.  (each beer is a liter mug.)  We were feeling fine by the end of the nite.

The second nite we went to see Graham Nash and David Crosby in concert.  I will never regret going to that concert in all my life!  They plays all their goodies including songs from CSNY.  But the end of the concert put me on a cloud for a good 15 minutes.  They left before their encore and the crowed went wild for them.  They came back to sing "Chicago" and "Teach Your Children". When you get to the part "Don't you ever ask them why if they told you you would cry so just look at them and sign and know they love you"  the band stopped singing and the audience took over and did an outstanding job.  I was singing my heart out.  I know my soul was tingling.  God -- it was great!

The next two nites at the "O" fest were really wild.  We liked the Haufbrau tent the best since most of the people were our age.  All the happy drunks were singing and tasting while the band played polkas, etc.  I managed to drink four liters of good German beer.  Beer like you'll never taste in the states.  I enjoyed myself so much.

The last nite Doobie and I went to Innsbruck Austria for the day.  Basically we went shopping through the town.  I took slides of Germany and Austria so I will show them up at the lake next summer.

Munchen's transportation system was very impressive.  I can say they have their shit together.  It's all so new and immaculate.

Munchen is my favorite city for many reasons.  I love the German people there.  The city is very flat and good for a bike.  In the squares with the shops you see a lot of one-two-three man acts trying to get money.  One guy was playing bagpipes and had his quit-sneaker outfit.  I also saw some good guitar acts.  One guy was playing the bongos.  But the German people took a delight in watching these people.  It was all so refreshing.

I want to get involved in yoga.  I have been doing it on and off for a year now not accomplishing too much for myself.  I find breathing properly is very relaxing.  But I'm still an upright person with too many worries.  (I worry over what people think of me and that is the worst way to be but I find myself thinking of the other persons nasty remarks and I get scared -- stupid!)   Now I am going to try and calm myself for my own well being.

I'm going to bed so I'll finish this letter in the morning.

Good morning.

Continuing with yoga, I am going to sign up for a class next month.  It might help me more to speak with people who know yoga better than myself.

Now that I am back I am going to be better to myself.  I hope to relax and take in my surroundings at a restful pace.  Yoga should be the key to my well-being.  I hope it will stimulate me in all aspects.  So I hope to be on the right path now.

I would like a good camera also.  I might buy a friend's camera.  It's a Canon but I don't know the model.  Mike is into photography and he prefers another model where he can do more of his own setting with the camera.

I plan to sell my guitar and buy another model.  I am getting pretty involved in playing.  I enjoy it so much.  Hopefully next summer I will be able to play a few times at the lake.

Paul I want to put in for an early out for school.  I'd like to go to school for one or two semesters then go to Sweden with Larry.  But I'm not sure what direction is best for me.  I feel I need some education because I want to learn but I would like to go to a vocational for a skill.  I am still considering nursing.  If I can go for two years I would have some training that I could use if I didn't go all the way.  I could always work at a head start program.  Do you have an opinion or suggestions of schools?

I'm glad Dale is finally going to school.  I'm sure he will do well.  This is the beginning of Dale's own life.  Another steps towards his own being.

I had a good talk with Laura, my roommate, last nite.  We both look toward living as bounded by God's glory.  I am trying to understand the philosophy of his love but when I reach him I will find my peace.  Laura was predicting part of the future she sees for me.  I felt clouded as if in a vision when she spoke.  But today I must remain myself striving to live life with feelings that change like the wind.

I will end here for now.

July 3, 1976 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.

I just got your letter today.  I was wondering when I would hear from you, but I knew I would get a letter eventually.  Before I go into a lengthy account of my feelings concerning your letter, I will tell you of the general happenings here in Naples.

We took the Admiral's barge out last Thursday and spent the day at Capri.  I was invited along with the DP's and a few others who went along.  The boat we went on was "plush" since it's supposed to be used only for transporting admirals back and forth.  Our Admiral lets each command use the boat for a day in the summer.  It was so beautiful weather-wise and the Mediterranean was a aqua marine around the coast.  We ate lunch overlooking the swimmers with a vibe that puts you in a fairy tale existence.

After lunch we decided to swim back to the barge.  I was feeling risky so I took off my dress and swam back topless.  We proceeded to a cave and started to go snorkeling when the next thing I knew everybody was skinny-dipping.  I would have preferred to swim with my bathing suit on to save more talk but I indulged and went topless.  Word got out after our trip that everyone was skinny dipping.  If the Admiral hears of t his he is going to flip his bars.  I don't mind the naked body but I feel that discrimination should be used for many reasons.  I will learn a lesson.

I must say I have had many problems lately and my attitude has turned sour.  There is so much happening to me that really hurts deep inside of me.  I don't know why I was supposed to come to Naples but at this moment I feel it is a curse.  A lot of my feelings will remain inside of my now. This I will resolve on my own.  I feel I am racing to a peak and it will soon explode.  I am trying to save all my energy for this day.

I have been warned that someone is out to bust me.  I haven't smoked in a good while and have no intention over here.  In fact I quit drinking which I probably told you.  Started for 10 days and quit.  I have too many reasons not to drink over here.  It's a scary feeling  when I know there's a person out there who wants to harm me and tear my life apart.  All the times I have felt for people and never wanting to harm anyone.  I know from past experience I have a tendency to impress strangers that I don't like them.  It's the way I am and I won't change.  I am locking my car door all the time.  I don't know if they are going to plant it in my car or what, but I got the impression they want to bust me that bad.  I might seek legal advice but I'm not really sure what to do.  That person may or may not be serious.  I don't really know.  But it's a terrible feeling and it makes me want to understand the hate they have inside.  What kind of person are they anyways?

So as you can surmise my senses have been slapped, punched, played with, and stepped on.  I feel the pain of everyday existence and it's such an awakening nightmare for me.  I have intentions of taking leave soon. I find that if I leave this environment just for awhile it will help to live through the period in Naples.  Naples has an appropriate motto.  "See Naples and die."  Heaven forbid.

I'm sure your independent life is just what you need but I prefer to take the apron any day.  It's not as easy as all that though.  To find a compatible mate is my hardest feat in life.  Sometimes I dwell upon him wishing he were here.  I can not deny that I need him. When you don't have anyone to love leaves life very empty.  My friends can not and will not compensate for him. I could be a great mother and wife but I won't advertise.  He may never come to me but I don't think so.  It just gets lonely at times.  Right now he would do me good.  Again, this is the feel I am and I won't change.  (At least for the moment.)

I have been writing to Gordon who is in Bermuda.  I am going to take leave and visit him there.  I will probably come back to the states also.  I will decide at the end of the month.  I plan to visit Sweden in the spring.

Larry sent me a belated birthday package which included tea, shampoo, sun lotion, sunflower seeds, etc.  I needed it, too!

Moses came in tonight and gave me two red carnations.  He has a crush on me but Moses falls in and out of love each day.  He's a nice person, though.

I was showing a guy my car a few minutes ago and he asked me where the fist dent came from. So I can't be certain but someone might have put a fist to the hood of my car tonight.  Have you ever had a feeling of bad to come that you couldn't erase inside.

I don't want to sound ridiculous but maybe you can help me in some way, even to say don't worry. I am all right and I'm not scared of what awaits me.  I'm just fed up with the Navy and I'm going nuts waiting to get out of this outfit.  I mean, Paul, I've had it up to the bum with the Navy's shit.  It stinks too bad.  I'm a little unsure of myself at this moment.  I'm caught in a cyclone now.)

Enough of my foolish worries.

Paul, you got into a heavy topic which most people like to avoid because they don't want to face up to the realities of the world now!  I agree that we can not turn back and we are on a direct course for self-destruction.  I was talking with Lt. Pond who just finished reading The Ascent of Man which was on Times best seller list for the past six months.  I have not read this book but Mr. Pond told me that is goes up through time to where man is and where he went wrong.  Supposedly the book gives you a choice of where we can go.  I say wishful dreaming.  Man, just as long as one man is greedy, this world will never be "heaven on earth".  I don't know the purpose of life and the significance of death.  My beliefs stay with man on earth not upon outer space, the core, the sun etc.  Man is a very unneeding creature who has built his life to an apex where he cannot survive on basics.  He has forgotten all his knowledge of the beginning.

Man and nature should be one in the sense they are able to help each other.  More so nature helps man because nature feeds, clothes, and shelters man.  I don't want to be unrealistic and put man back into a "caveman" style of life because we have progressed way beyond that point.  But man cannot abuse nature as he has been and expect nature to survive.  We have finally aroused nature with all our polluting, stripping, unnatural building that weigh the earth, etc.  It's like a cancer that slowly grows.  She will be getting the chills first and then comes the aches and pains.  Or course, most of mankind doesn't realize that we will fell her "disease" (dis-ease) just as great.

You could give me all the scientific explanations in the world but it won't change my mind about all the catastrophes that are going on now.  I believe it will happen in our lifetime since we are at the end of the plateau.  Man has no room to move.  We cannot explore because all the land is "private" property owned by a named country.  After that I believe of what my future.  I still hope to have a family and enjoy my life.  I want to be near the people I love here.  I feel that I'm so lucky because I have three beautiful brothers and two outstanding dedicated parents.  I love mom and dad not for what they stand for but for who they are and how I see and know them.  I can't compare my family to other because you are like the hills.  It's embedded in my mind.

Paul if you ever get a chance buy an album by Dan Fogelburg because you won't regret it at all. Sit down and listen to the words.

I'm trying to remember a song of his by heart and I'll close with it.

Part of the Plan

I have these moments
All steady and strong
Feeling so holy and humble
Next thing I know I'll all
worried and weak
I feel myself starting to crumble
The meanings get lost
The teachings get tossed
And you don't know what your
going to do next
You wait for the sun but it
never quite comes
And some kind of messages
come through to you
And it says

Chorus
Love when you can
Cry when you have to
Be who you must it's
A part of the plan
Await your arrival
With simple survival
And one day we'll understand
Someday we'll understand

I had a woman who gave me
her soul
But I wasn't ready to take it
Her heart was so fragile and
heavy to hold
And I was afraid I might break it
Your conscience awakes
And you see your mistakes
You wish someone would buy your confession
The days miss their marks
The nights get so dark
And some kind of message
comes through to you
Some kind of message shoots through

Chorus

There is no Eden or heavenly gates
That you're going to make it through one day
But all of the answer will be found
In dreams that you dream on the way.

May 24, 1976 (Letter from Barb N.)

Hello.  How are you?

I'm trying to get a few letters off to friends and family.  I feel I should have a ditto machine.

I was told the legend of Saint Gemano (?) when I first got here.  On the way to work I pass by the spot where he was beheaded.  It goes that he was beheaded on a hill on where his head stopped rolling they built a church.  I don't know when he lived but they must have kept his blood and somehow the legend of the blood liquefying got started.  I was told the last time his blood didn't liquefy was three years ago they had a cholera epidemic.  The time before was World War II.  The blood is taken from a vault twice a y ear for a week and within that time if the blood liquefies Naples is safe.  Supposedly the worst tragedy happens when the blood does not liquefy in May.  Now for my opinion of this legend   It's hard to say yes or no to the tale.  I do believe there is a great possibility of bad tragedy for Naples judging from the bad times in Italy.   It seems in order to awaken people and get them back on their feet a shattering experience revives people to their senses.  I pray for good because I don't want to see a tragedy while I'm here.  But the course of the world isn't leading mankind through a period of joy at this moment.  Man has abused nature to the max and she is fighting back now.  I have to blame all of mankind for the sate of the world.  It's not just the leaders who have lead us stray.  What about the individuals who let it happen?  Anyone who believes we have easy times ahead is living with their head in the ground.  I don't want to look ahead with a pessimistic attitude but I've read too many signs that have come about now.  I'd like to deny it and say what I know is wrong but I don't  think so.  It could be another cycle in history but mankind is spread out to all corners of the earth.  Mankind has to live in harmony with nature!  He cannot control nature's forces.

Now someone predicted that Naples will be destroyed 29 May.  I don't know who this person is but it seems to me it would have to be some great prophet in order to predict this fate.  I will be in France that weekend but I had plans to go three for a month.  I have fears about living here now but I can't live in fear of living.

I am buying an Opel Rekord for 950.00 from a Chief.  I think I'm getting a good deal, too.  It's a 1970. The tires are good and it purrs like a cat.  He's a good person and I've known him for awhile now.  He knocked off $45.00 for me so I can check it over. I don't' feel that I'm being ripped off.

I don't regret my smoking especially when I started.  I too was ready to handle it and I don't feel that it harmed me.  I feel it opened many doors in my mind.  But now I don't need that kind of high. It's been over a month now since I've partied.  I feel so good, too.

I've been keeping to the guitar.  My fingers are starting to get raw now.  I enjoy playing teh guitar so much.

I have decided against taking anymore courses after evaluating my last class.  I feel I'm trying to do steps just to look good when it may not be my direction.  I don't like the way the educational system is set up by learning through your ass.  Maybe it's because my interest lies with the arts and children.  But sometimes I am too foolish.  I'm trying to get on a steady path.  I'm having a little trouble now.

I will end here.

May 1, 1976 (Letter from Barb N)

I had to tear up part of yesterday's note.  It was poorly written.

I'm back on my four days on.  I work days this string of watches.  It has been a relatively quiet morning.

Laura, m y other roommate, comes back from the states this week.  I'm looking forward to her return. I miss talking to her.  She has a pretty stable disposition and quite "together" for her inexperience   She comes from Minnesota and has led a sheltered, "strict-Catholic" life.

I went to a party last night and I came back with a "natural high".  I made a resolution on my birthday that I was not going to smoke or drink for a year.  (Just to see how my body and mind take to it.)  I know that I am strong enough to go through this time and I feel very good inside.

I have been writing my dreams down now and then for the past couple of years.  (I keep a notebook by my bed now.)  I find that most of my dreams are my true emotions coming out in a particular situation.  But then there are always some abstract part in my dream that takes deep thought to figure out.  I feel that realizing what's behind my dreams it will help me with some of my emotional decisions.

I'm hoping to go to Switzerland, Germany, and Austria over Memorial Day weekend.  I have to talk to Frank and see how much time he will be getting of. I definitely need a change of scenery.

That's all that's new from me.

February 1, 1976 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.  Well, it's been four months since I've last seen you.  I imagine it has been a long period of time for you.  Has any good news arrived concerning a job?  I'm hoping for the best for you.

As for me, I'm rather discouraged with the Navy.  I can't agree with their war games.  There is so much that goes on here which most people are ignorant of.  I don't know half what's really going on, but I do know enough.  Sometimes you want to laugh at them other times you want to cry because you can't do anything.  There is no way you can reason with them either.

My chief at work had me carrying boxes that weighed 45 pounds each.  I had to carry 30 boxes into the back room of our office because I am of seaman.  I'm not a man and I haven't any intentions of competing with a man.  Here some people who have been living the Navy way are totally unrealistic at times.  But I must comply while I'm in.

It seems the Navy has progressed slowly downhill for me.  I can't name any advantages dealing with the work.  The security of the Navy is fine.  I imagine a corporation is just as bad.

Enough of the Navy for now.

I've been buying a lot of nice adds and ends for my future home.  I see so much that I want.  I'll have to really budget these next few months.  My federal income tax should help me immensely.  I want to get a rocking chair sometime soon.  I saw a beautiful coat rack.

Hello again.

I'm trying to figure out a budget if I decide to buy a van.  I will have to find out how much a new van would cost me.  It might be easier to buy a van and convent it to a camper.

I think I will take a course at the Univ. of Maryland next semester.  I'd like to take a philosophy or psychology course.  If I go to college I'd like to go back as a sophomore.  You probably heard I'm thinking about going to Penn State.  I want to go to school in Pennsylvania my first year. Hopefully it will be cheaper.  I'm interested at the moment in art or agricultural .  I'd appreciate any advice form you.

I haven't been doing that much.  I'm waiting to get settled in an apartment.  Laura and I plan to go looking this Wednesday   I'd like to get a villa but you have to travel farther to get to any cheap villas.  That would mean I'd have to get up at 5:00 a.m. to make it to work on time.  (I'd be up with the roosters.)

Not much more to say.  I just wanted to write you so you didn't think I forgot about you.

July 9, 1975 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello how are you?  I hope your job is going better for you.  Is it still tense in the prison?

I am taking leave starting the 20th of July and ending the 11th of August.  Now that I decided to go home I am anxious to get home.  Mom said we will go to Mass on Monday the 21st.  I haven't seen the relatives in such a long time that it will e good to visit them again.  I think we are going to visit Cape Cod also.

I have decided to go overseas.  My career counselor went to D. C. and he talked to my OS detailer.  I had a choice of going to Damnek, which is a small base 20 miles from Norfolk.  If I stayed in this area I would move off base and since I don't have a car it would be harder to rely on another person for a rid.e  I also would not be able to go overseas if I transferred to Damnek.  So I called my detailer and he told me they had 1 billet for Italy, and a few for Iceland, Puerto Rico, and Cuba.

McZiemba changed my mind about Iceland.  He told me to pick Italy.  I would be able to tour Europe more easily.  I don't know if I will get Italy.  I will probably find out after I get back off of leave.

Have you read the book "A World Beyond" by Ruth Montgomery?  It talks of life after death.  I now believe in reincarnation.  I have also gotten any books I can find concerning Edgar Cayce.  I don't know how Mom and Dad will react.  I want them to read this book and think about what it does say.

Paul I wish I would see you again.  I am almost positive that I will be going overseas.  It will mean that I won't see you for another year and a half.  But I am thinking what I will do once I get back. Wherever you are at I will take leave and fly out to see you.  I don't like to lose contact with friends I care for.  Even though you are my brother I also consider you a friend.  I believe that you love from not seeing a person.  Of course, you can always get reacquainted with each other.

I feel at this point in my life I need to get out and receive experience from daily living.  I am happy about the position I am in.  I look at others I know and I'm so glad I didn't get into a rut of being married.  (I guess the Nelson's are hard to get a hold of at the altar.)  But there is so much that I have to learn through patience and experience.  That is another reason I choose to go overseas. To travel was one of my reasons in joining the Navy.

I feel an inner calm that I am acquiring.  I know how I stand with God now.  It was hard to find him with the background we had.  We could follow him as a religious philosophy and never come to peace with him or truly open our hearts and minds to what he is.  To me denying there is a God is denying the existence of yourself.  I believe the church wants you to be afraid of him like a shadow. He lurks and knows all you do.  The only person who knows all you do and will judge justly is your soul.  I never understood but now I do.  It's part of my inner peace.

I couldn't accept Christians who lived to save their necks by trying to "save their souls".  For me I couldn't accept my feelings of a God, but I could not deny them. I want to be a better person to mankind and not to fool people throughout my life.  This is what I have to do next.  I have to accept people as they are.

I was told by some English sailors never to trust anybody and they meant it.  I don't believe that because trust means a lot to me.  Sure you can't have someone to totally rely on if you can live by your own means, but you need trust between each other.

People can fool me by lying to me, but I will never fool a person by lying especially if I would harm a person.  There are too many people being lied to and one more lie does make a difference.

From reading the prophecies to Edgar Cayce, there is going to be a lot of changes from now until 1998. I think daily living matters more.  You have to find peace within yourself.

I am almost done with another working day so I'll close now.  I want to write more to you.

10 July -- Good morning.  It's another day.  What else can I say about it?  So far it doesn't look too promising, but I'll have to change that.  (I don't seem to be functioning this morning.)

Did I tell you I am considering going to school after I get out of the Navy?  That is after Larry and I go to Sweden.  I can't really say what I will do.  I would like to travel a bit when I get out.

I have a lot of friends who want to live in Australia.  I don't see what the big kick is about living there.

We went camping last weekend in Nags Head, North Carolina.  I slept in the car with the windows down and the mosquitoes got me for a feast.  Nothing I put on the bites have discouraged the itching.  I want to sick call and they gave me Benadril.  Just what I need.  If you were a pill freak you could keep a good supply from sick call.

We did have a good time in Nags Head.  We had a raft and rode it on the waves.  (You could fit four bodies side by side.)  When the waves would break we'd get thrown over.  The waves were pretty decent on Friday.  The only thing that would bother me was at night I would close my eyes and see the waves breaking.  I like water and I'm not afraid of it, but I have to respect the ocean.

Have you been hiking?  Do you like Montana, now that it is summertime?

I better go to work now.

May 30, 1975 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.  I got your letter now.  I'm perfectly content at the moment and I am really enjoying myself for the first time in a long time.

I bought a ten speed at the Marine Exchange on base for $76.  I couldn't see paying over $100 for a bike that would do just as good.  Some friends paid $150 for their bikes.  They are real good bikes, but I saved $70 so I'm happy.

I plan to move off base soon.  I want to start pricing places and find the most reasonable place for $100, give or take a few bucks.  I will move in with Sue, a friend that I have recently gotten to know better.  It seems funny sometimes when we hit it right on the nail to what we both like.  A couple of times we just cracked up because of what one said.  She used to like Ringo when the Beatles first came out and so did I.  I don't know how we got on the subject.  Anyways I think I could get along better with her than any of my other friends.  I certainly don't want to live with a chick who is a bitch and I don't want to live with a guy when I am just starting to really enjoy myself.

Sue and I are going to drive to Warren for the weekend in two weeks.  I cannot wait to get back and look at the hills.  I sure miss the beauty of Warren.  I'll take and show Sue the dam.  Tim is in a band and I want to see him play the drums.

I saw the Eagles in concert last Sat night.  The acoustics were terrible but they put on a good show.  I want to see Pink Floyd in D.C. but I don't know if I will make it to the concert.

I am still planning to take 3 weeks this summer.  Larry wrote to say that they plan to go to New England when I am home.  I hope so.  I'm looking forward to seeing the relatives.  (I might even wear my Navy uniform to church.)

Tonight I am going fishing aboard a cabin cruiser.  I'm not sure how big the boat is, but I'm looking forward to going.  We are going to have a small party abroad the ship.  I'm really excited about going.

Mom told me that you weren't selling your car.  It was just a thought.  It would be better if you did keep your car.  I want to buy a car for a couple hundred dollars.  I want a convertible, though.

Well I'm going to leave now.

4 June.  Hello.  I'll add a few lines to this letter.

I got a flat tire on my bike last night.  I'll get Gordon to fix it for me.

I am going to drop my rate and strike for yeoman.  I don't have to attend school.  I'd rather just work at a job until I get out.  My job now isn't too rewarding.  Sometimes I have to push myself in what I have to do.

I plan to move off base by the end of June.  Sue and I found a place seven blocks from the base.  It has 2 bedrooms, tv, washer and dryer, all utilities paid for $170.  It is the downstairs part of a house.  For the prices they ask around here that is a good deal.  Plus we are allowed to have pets.

That's about all here.

I called home and asked Mom and Dad if we are going to Mass.  I guess it all boils down to what Dale will do.  It's a shame we can't trust him.  He's 18 and maturing into a man, but he sure has a lot to improve   I don't like to get down in him, but I've pampered him much too long.

Write back soon.

May 15, 1975 (Letter from Barb)

Montana 1975

Hello.  I got back from my vacation to Atlanta.  Carla and I had a good time.  We took an eleven hour side trip down to Venice, Fla.  I got a little bit of sun.

My next trip will be home for the summer.  I plan to make it home the last part of July and the beginning of August.  I don't want to go home when Dad will be gone.  I'd like to make it to Warren sometime before, but I can't afford going home for such a short period of time.

Mom and Dad were talking of what we were to do.  They mentioned driving to New England.  So I hope to have an enjoyable time with the folks.

I bought a 10-speed bicycle today at the Marine Exchange for $76.  It is an AMF and it looks like a decent bike.  M.D. and Melody paid $150 for their bikes.  I can't see spending that much money on a bike.  Now I hope to get my rebate check so I'll be able to eat.

I got $6.00 more this paycheck.  I guess the govt is feeling quite guilty.  I will start getting my two year pay on the 11th of July.  I didn't even consider that money in my budget.  My goal is to save $1800  by September 30.

When do you plan to sell your car or purchase a new car?  What sort of condition is your car in?  If you want to buy a newer car and your car is still in some sort of condition would you consider selling it to me?  I don't want a car at the moment.  My bike will do fine, but I would like something in the fall.  I don't want to get anything fantastic.  Just something that will run.  I plan to live off base within next spring.  I'd like to get transferred somewhere away from Norfolk.

I want to start to get into a routine where I will be able to get involved in working with the land. (gardening, etc.)  At the moment I am at a standstill living in the barracks.  I would like to start feeling like I have a home of my own.  It's nice to save money for the future, but I don't want to by-pass my life now.

I heard your comment about the North Pole.  I guess we all get frustrated in some ways, but it's nice to be able to get made and really enjoy what we have with all that is going on in this crazy world now.  I'm just glad to be me.

I finally got to see Carla and I hope to see Max in the fall.  There isn't too many others I care to see.  But when is the last time I saw you?  It's been so long.  I'll have to visit you sometime, but I don't think I'll be able for awhile.  Are you going to take a vacation this summer?

February 3, 1975 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.  I just got your letter today and I thought I would write back to you.

Mary has been making some wall hangings that have turned out real nice.  She has found pieces of driftwood and varnished them, then she macrames with rope.  She takes a piece of driftwood about three feet long and as large round as she desires.  Then she puts a few coats of varnish for gloss and protection.  She buys regular rope (it has the texture of straw).  Her first wall-hanging was more bulky because she macramed without separating the rope whereas she separated the rope and made a smaller design on her second wall hanging   You would tie the rope in a cesure knot all the way across of each individual rope.  Then you start macramaing with a pattern you desire to use.  She adds beads or you can come up with almost any idea.  It's really simple to learn how to do and fast depending on how long you want your wallhanging.  You cold even dye the rope in different colors.  They would make a nice gift or you could sell them. I want to try to make a wallhanging but I have been busy knitting.  I should start sewing soon.    I have the materials but lack the ambition.

I put in a request (  ) for duty in Iceland.  I was going to wait until this summer to go to Iceland, but I want to see if I can get it in a few months.  I have talked to a few people who are and have been stationed in Iceland.  They really enjoy it there.  Harry (I met him here.  He is going to school but goes back to Iceland Thursday) has told me a lot about it there.  He is a really funny person.  So I'm sure he will show me around.  I want to go so bad!  I'm really excited about getting transferred there.  Maybe them I'll get a chance to go to Sweden.

The time in the Navy has gone by pretty fast.  I wouldn't want to get out of the Navy yet.  I figure once I get to Iceland and out I'll have a y ear and a half left and that will go real fast.  I'll be able to save a lot more money up in Iceland than in Norfolk.  It would be a good experience for me.

Don't have much more to say at t his moment.  Just thought I'd write and give you a suggestion of a hobby.

January 21, 1975 (Letter from Barb N.)

Hello.  How are you?  I am doing fine?

Today is a miserable day.  We have a pretty fierce rain storm now.  It sounds like the winds are very wicked today.  At least I'm safe at work in the office.

Speaking for work I got transferred to a new job.  I work for the master chief of the station.  Most of the time he's not in the office which is nice for me.  I turn the radio to my station and do what I want to do.  The main work in my job is to attend a monthly Human Relations Council meeting, take notes, and type up the minutes.  As you can surmise the job does not require too much of an effort.  I usually try to break up the routine by reading, typing and writing letters.

Thank you for your Xmas gifts.  I would like to macrame myself a belt but I want to start with another belt first.  My girlfriend is macramaing a wall hanging from rope   It looks pretty good.  She would be a good influence on me and I on her.  I'm lazy and she's not whereas she has some problems that I have more insight than she dose.  I would like to get in the same room so we can hep each other on projects.  We'll have to see how everything develops in the future weeks.

22 Jan. 1975 - I don't feel like reading now so I'll finish your letter.

Right now I feel like I need a vacation of some sort.  I have to get away from this base.  If I had only signed up for two years I would be out in Nov.  I don't see how I will make it through the rest of my enlistment.  I guess I'm in my down moods over the Navy, but I feel like I'm wasting so much time. I know the employment situation is bad outside now.  It doesn't seem like it will improve.  Most people believe we are on the verge of WWIII.  Damn.  That's all I need.  If there was a war and then they ratified the amendment which would put women aboard combat ships, I would go UA.  I would be gone faraway.

Mom probably wrote and told you that I sold my car.  Now all I have to do is pay off my college loan and I will be out of debt.  I will have to start saving money for when I do get out.  I'll need something to fall back on.

What have you been doing in Montana?  What is the weather like?  Have you been sightseeing?  I wish I could travel all over.  I hate sitting idle.  I'm too restless at this moment.  I'll have to calm myself down.

Of course, you have heard about the trouble Dale has been getting into.  I can't understand him.  I wish I knew how his mind works.  He's not a bad person.  I hope he knows what he is doing.

I think my main problem is that I'm lonely for a male.  The sailors only upset me.  I hate sailors, (generalizing them in a group).  I haven't really dated anyone I have liked in over a y ear.  It's too long of a time period for me.

Well Paul I'll end here.  I'll write more soon, after I get out of this mood.

November 12, 1974 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello!  I received your letter today so I will answer your letter right away.

Yes, my opinion of the Navy itself has definitely soured in the past five months at Norfolk.   At the moment I work in cleaning which is a "skate" job.  I want to find a job that is more challenging, but I don't know which way to turn. First of all, I'm on OS (radarman), and it's a critical rating without a BIG fight.  Next, I am not able to work in my rate because females are not allowed to be ported on combat ships.  So my hands are tied at the moment.  I don't want to get involved with any such work that directly involved maintenance (etc) of air craft which is what the Naval Air Station is concerned with.  ( really dont' know what I can get involved with that I would enjoy.  I have to make some sort of decision in the next month or so I'll have to put a lot of thought into what I should do.

I'm meeting a lot of new people.  The guys I have dated can go hang themselves somewhere for all I care.  I haven't met anyone who impresses me in the slightest way.  This girl I met in chow today, Sue.  She and I made some plans to go to some of the naval clubs this weekend.  She's looking to have a good time like I am.

I haven't sold my car yet.  I don't know if I will right away.  I might wait a little bit longer.  I don't want to rely on others for transportation everywhere.  I'll have to get on a budget like Larry and account for what I spend.

It would be fantastic if we could get some property up in New England.  We'd be near the ocean, near Boston and New York, near the hills, etc.  I can't see visiting Mom and Dad on holidays only. I love them too much just to see them once in awhile.  Like Mom wrote to me in a letter.  She said that she feels we have a relationship as friends besides mother and daughter.  I know she has ha lot she could still teach me, especially her cooking and sewing.

Did you see Dale's senior picture?  Doesn't he look good?  He has a good head on his shoulders. He was in the rebellious stage last year, but he has settled down quite a bit.  He skipped school once this year but he told Mom which was good.

I heard from Mom and Dad and they're having a nice time in Washington.  They are on the run visiting friends and meeting people.  I'm glad they got to go and everything went all right for them. It probably brings back a lot of good memories.

It's raining out at the moment.  I should start walking a lot more now.  I walked back to the barracks in the rain and it was enjoyable to feel the somewhat fresh rain upon my face.

I'm glad to hear that you are doing well with your writing.  I would enjoy writing, but at this moment I don't have all my thoughts together.  I need more time and experience.

Carla is getting married to Frank this Saturday, but I won't be able to attend her wedding.  I was going to try to make it down, but I'll visit her some other time.  She told me that Frank and her were going to take a honeymoon later on if I came down.  She wanted me to stay overnite with them.  I'm probably one of her closest friends and I'm going to keep it that way as long as I can.  I will not be such a fool as to consider staying with them on their honeymoon.  Otherwise they will take a suite somewhere in Atlanta for the weekend.  Frank just got a job in Atlanta and he doesn't want to chance it by taking a vacation so soon.

Max is enjoying herself in Korea.  She works in Pediatrics.  I guess she does the basic procedures.  The people are all in the fields because it is harvest time.  Max said all the people walk hand in hand to show their love for each other.  She lives in a barracks with 50 other girls, but she has her own room. For $34.00 a month, she can have a mama (Korean woman) do all her cleaning, washing, etc.  It must be nice to have a maid. 

I am going to chow now so I'll close here.  I am better in my mind now and I feel that my mind is functioning a lot better.  I hope you are well.

October 25, 1974 (Letter from Barb Nelson)

Central Avenue, Great Falls Montana

Photo taken September 1974

Hello.  How have you been?  What's the weather like in Montana?

I did write you a letter a few weeks ago, but I never mailed it to you for some reason   Sorry about that Paul.  Then I went home and didn't have too much time to do anything but relax.

Now that you have been in Montana for a month or so what are you impressions?  What have you been doing in your spare time.   Sightseeing?  Mom and Larry told me you planned to do some writing in the near future.  What particular type of writing do you plan to do?  They said short stories but in what form?  It should be interesting to read some of your stories. I hope you have enough patience to be able to accomplish what you start to write.  I work under a second class photographer who just got booted out of the photo lab because of his behavior.  They said his work was excellent but his attitude was very immature for a 22 year old man.  He gets all excited over an incident and acts irrationally before he has a chance to think matters through.  He could try to understand why he is in the situation he's in.  It's hi own fault.

I had a nice visit at home.  It took me 11 hours to get home and by the time I got there my head was all in knots.  I did decide to move back on base and stay there, after I had a talk with the family.  Larry and I got to talking about saving our money and then going in on some land together. I will sell my car in the near future and pay off my college loan.  Then I will put away more money for the future.  With a goal in mind I'll be able to withstand the Navy for three more years.  Then Larry and I talked about going to Sweden, after I get out of the Navy, if we weren't married by that time.

So I'm doing fine at Norfolk.  I work in cleaning, but it is my choice.  I scrub the stairs every morning and usually run officers around base.  It's not too bad of a job for the moment.  I'll have to see what opportunity arises in the future.

I will start handywork.  I have three orders for sweaters already.  I want to learn to crochet because I have found some cute patterns.

I already know what I'm making for you, Larry, and Dale for Xmas.  I will have to find the right material.

Well, that's about it for now.  Take care and have a happy birthday.