The night is cool -- the air soft, and it has begun to rain as I sit here listening to a new Johnny Rivers albums, "Touches of Gold". I'm too restless to sleep, a restlessness brought about by doubt, depression, and need. There's really too much time on my hands which causes me to think, reflect, to ponder; and this, for me, is bad. At times such as these, I become quite frustrated; but to think that I can write to you and express my thoughts is very reassuring. No, confusion plays little part in my life, although I do tend to be extremely pessimistic. My vivid imagination versus my self-confidence -- I tend to over-dramatize a real-life situation and persist to set myself as its main character -- the one who is most affect, and yet most effective. I am much too aware of the people, and over-emphasize the impression they'll have on me. I wish that I were anywhere but Warren -- somewhere there is atmosphere, activity, and a place where people are interested sincerely in the individual. But that, now, is far away. Very little can be found "just around the corner". Personal identify, satisfaction, and true understanding can be gained only through a difficult and sometimes disappointing search.
Am I confusing you Paul? I doubt that very much. We all have to cope with plasticity, insincerity, ignorance, and selfishness; but can you cope with my inability, at the moment, to express myself, lacking cohesive thought? Paul, I just never realized that you could dwell so deeply on your friendships -- that they've played such an important part in your future. We all need to analyze our past relationships because they reflect what and who we are and, possibly, what we will become. Few of us rarely do this, and discover the very lonely individual we've become. Friends are not merely companions -- they are your voice, your heart, your sadness, your joy; they are a reflection, a mirror of you. May that mirror of affection and understanding between you and I never shatter.
In setting one's material goals in life, m any individuals fail to attain peace of mind and heart within themselves; and force themselves to never discover what living, what life itself, really is. To have faith in one's self is not enough -- one must have faith in God and in mankind. "To be at peace with one's self is ito be a peace with God" -- I've heard that somewhere.
We all need to reach out for something -- for someone -- and I hope that when that day comes there will be someone who will reach out and take my hand and look deeply into my soul...
You're a fine young man with an excellent mind -- may all of life's best comes to you. "STILL WATERS RUN DEEP"
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