March 26, 1974 (Letter from Tony)

These past few weeks I've felt very much like I'm running on a treadmill, and I have to keep running faster and faster just to keep in place.  But I have finally gained control again and am in the process of consolidation.

Law school, and I'm talking in broad terms - -including my entire existence at this time, has been a very strange experience but one that I'm appreciating more and more as time goes by.  I guess I'm like a guy learning how to sail, and I could manage pretty well in the port of Buffalo, but now I'm out on an ocean and I've never done much long distance navigating.  I have to learn how to follow the stars, picking out the ones that are important for me.  That I must make all the daily decisions, and that these have such an impact on my future are not new ideas, but I never realized as clearly as I do now what my responsibilities are.  Coasting along heedlessly  moving where the wind will take me, was an art to be developed at Buffalo.  Now I'm trying to marshall my skills so that I can assume my own direction, even if it means moving into the teeth of a gale.

I get somewhat confused between short-term, daily events, and long-term lifetime pursuits.  That life ins a seres of conflicts to be resolved or avoided is not a very enticing characterization, but perhaps it's true, at least in our Western society.  It's become apparent to me that Freud preached nothing but a new religion, to be accepted one faith, or rejected.  There is no psychology in Asia except that forced on them by Europeans.  They have only a philosophy or religion, and they emphasize harmony and oneness. Only in a culture based on strife could Freud postulate that our minds work "as if" there were three parts, ego, id, and superego.  And countless others could form theories emphasizing insecurity over sex or territoriality.  Pick whichever one you desire, believe in it, act on it, but never become convinced that  it's the "right" path, the vanity of evangelists is so astounding to me.  I saw "Elmer Gantry" on TV a while ago, I enjoyed it despite the contempt I felt for their beliefs or righteousness.

It's a beautiful rainy, drizzly day here in the Oakland hills.  I've moved to this new address 6843 Broadway Terrace, Oakland Calif, 94611.  Chris and Ed, my old roommates, moved to Concord, 30 miles from here because Ed works there.  The room I'm in here was occupied by a young man who got his M.A. in engineering in December and is now touring Europe.  This place is a very comfortable house.  My housemates are all 2nd year law students who lived in Manville, as I did for the 1st semester of our 1st year.  3 of the 4 are very relaxed and congenial as we all get along very well.  The 4th is loud, obnoxious and has the maturity of a 7 year old.  Getting along with him takes a major effort.

We are currently on our spring break.  I had some wild dreams about going to Mexico on the Grand Canyon but financial reasons, and the charm of staying here, in my house, with the fireplace, without the obnoxious roommate, all combined to influence my decision, so I stayed here.  I did go to Mt. Tamalpais and Muir Woods (redwood preserve) for a short camping trip but since then I've left this property only 3 times in 4 days.  Once I went to the store, another time I went to play basketball, and third time was to get some books from school.

I'm into one of my "knowledgeable" moods.  I am excited about reading fiction, history, psychology  anthropology, etc.  I get somewhat frustrated at the slowness of absorbing everything I wish I could, an din time this will temper my enthusiasm.  That seems to be the sort of process most of my feelings go through.  I guess it's pretty basic.

I hope you're doing OK.  When does spring come to Pittsburgh?

Have you seen American Graffiti?  I thought it was tremendous.  The actions of the people in Colden-Springville were somewhat different than those shown in the movie, but the characters themselves were very much the same as people I grew up with.

I just read Miss Lonelyhearts and Day of the Locust.  I enjoyed the first very much, perhaps it raised my expectations too much because although I liked Locust I was a bit disappointed with it. Any more recommendations on what I should read?