Am sitting here listening to WRPI and the music they are playing is wiping me out. "Countdown to Ecstasy" continues to fascinate me with Joni Mitchell's "Court and Spark" carrying on at a parallel level. Good musicianship is soothing to my ear. I think you are one of the possible few who have the same feelings about music that I do and I really miss listening to it with you. I missed having your presence in touch with me and I am glad to begin again.
Today classes started again, strange to be in school again and yet the feel of fall approaching and classes starting is quite ingrained especially scenes from Buffalo. At fall old memories are recalled with clarity and passion.
By the end of the month I had to have my car inspected so I called yesterday and made arrangements to have it don today. I got to the garage at twenty of nine and left it about 12:10. The man said I needed 3 new tires and he went to price some tire for me. I was not surprised -- I had noticed thin spots and had hoped they would go away. Also the power steering was beginning to leak very bad so I had them repair that and I bought 5 new tires for the Dart. Had changed the oil on Sunday so now I feel like I have a new car. Of course, I paid for it cheerfully with my Amoco charge card.
Last Sunday was Women's Day celebration in Washington Park and it was an incredibly beautiful and satisfying day. The sun was beaming and I just soaked it up for hours. The first time I went with Carol and Rob and we walked around for a couple hours and then we went back for lunch and then Carol and I went bike riding (have some great houses to show you) and ended up watching a women's softball game in the park. It was just one of those days that felt like there should be no work tomorrow only another day in the sun. After that we rode back and the three of us had dinner together with Carol doing the cooking.
Yesterday I made banana bread using Carol's roommate's recipe. I had forgotten that my mother had given me 7 bananas so they became very ripe, too ripe to eat as a banana. I did not want to throw them out so thought about making banana bread. Haven't baked in a long time and it felt good to be setting out my ingredients and pre-heating the oven. It came out delicious and the batter made three good size loaves. Put one in the freezer box -- excuse me a minute WRPI is playing this incredible song "Nixon's the one he is the only one we believe in Nixon N I X O N Nixon's the only one", all with a chorus and orchestration and a marching band at the end. Whew can't believe that. Back to the bread, one in the freezer one is being eaten and I'm giving the other one to Robin and Carol. Next time I bake I will send you a sample as I will then have your address.
Soda is curled and purring in my lap. I wish you were in my lap.
"Itchycoo Park" by Small Faces. Have heard it before but didn't know who did it. Also "I Can't Explains" by David Bowie -- didn't know he did that. Well will pick up the pen later.
(9-30-74) -- I keep putting off writing to you -- there are a lot of things I want to say and I guess it doesn't matter what order they come in. Obviously things have changed since I wrote the first part of the letter.
The day your letter arrived I knew it was coming, but I was not prepared for what you had to say. I can't say if I was really surprised or not though I know I can't say I'm glad it's over. I just feel very sad that we were never together when we should have been. For over a year and a half we have seen each other very briefly and it's just made our relationship an impossibility. Even before that I did not see you on a very regular basis so it is no wonder that you have not fallen in love with me.
What the hell did you want with me? Why was there so much ambiguity on your part? When you did not write by the end of May I thought that it was over, but then you called and then later I saw you in New York City. I really thought that you wanted to try again and now I get your letter. I feel sad and I feel frustrated as hell.
I feel very upset -- seeing you again was like coming home. I forgot how many of the same things we enjoyed and how nice it was to be held and to make love with you. I would have come to you in Montana after I had graduated. I'm glad you didn't wait until I came out to visit you in November to tell me this. At the present time there is not much use in my coming to visit you.
I don't want to be friends and occasionally lovers. I wanted to be lovers first and then friends. I still do but if you have finally made up your mind, then you have made up your mind. I'm not happy but I do not want to break off all contact with you yet, I am expecting you to write back and perhaps explain yourself a little better.
That's all I have to say right now -- I don't feel like chatting about music. Please note, I have moved -- maybe I will explain at a later day why. My new address is: 14 Kent St. Albany, N.Y. 12206. I'm not living with Robin and Nancy -- Carol lives downstairss.
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