February 14, 1977 (Letter from Renee)

Part of a Truffaut double-bill in Amherst

SURPRISE!  I am actually returning a letter to you the very same day I received one.  To tell the truth, I'm not in the mood to do school work and typing a letter is a good excuse to postpone the agony of school work.  I was super glad to hear that you are well and that things are going well with you.  Looks like the year '77 will be a good one for you and I'm thrilled that you are happy.  I wish I could say that I'm equally as happy, but I'm not.  I have much to be thankful for.  Morrey and I are very happy together, we love our dog and have a good life style.  My unhappiness stems from inside myself -- it is not due to something anyone else has created.  To be frank -- I hate my job -- I'm bored to tears with it, and I am really sick and tired of the hassles with administrative garbage and some of the people I work with.  What makes me even more unhappy is the knowledge that there are so few jobs available in the "outside" world and I am a bit afraid and apprehensive about giving mine up to go look for "the rainbow".  I have pretty much decided that this will be my last year of teaching -- but what the future holds in store is so uncertain that I am afraid to think of it.  The whole question is, Paul, do I keep the job I have because it pays $10,960 a year and I can easily do the work but be unhappy, or do I look for something else which will pay less but be more of a challenge?  Added to that, I desperately want to buy a house to have a home to settle in -- but I can't have my cake and eat it too -- as the saying goes.  I will admit that I am willing to put off the buying of a house until next year, and I really wonder if we'll be able to swing it anyhow.  Shit!   My mind is really messed up right now and I don't know what to do.  Morrey says it's okay with him if I quit, but in a way I feel that I'm being selfish and unfair to him in doing do.  With his business right now the future doesn't look too rosey cause a lot of businesses are closed due to the fuel shortage.  If they are close d-- nobody buys electrical goods.  Things might really turn around in the spring but right now it looks kind of grim.  To be honest, Paul, I think my problem is that I'm not a very good "waiter".  I want things now instead of later.  I look at the friends around us who have been married about as long as we and they are in their own homes and have started families, and I wonder why they can do it and we can't.  I guess, to put it nicely, I'm downright frustrated and can't make up my mind what to do.  For now until June I'll put in my time and make it through, but when June comes I'm going to have my resume ready and peddle my butt around town to see if I can come up with a job that is a challenge and a real change from the life of a schoolteacher.  So there, my friend, in a nutshell, (more or less) is my predicament!  I'm sorry if I've burdened you -- I just needed to get it off my chest by putting it down on paper.  Thanks for letting me!

Now -- the fuel crisis in another nutshell -- it stinks!  We've been off and on school for the last several weeks.  We've been freezing our asses off at home and the temperatures in our classrooms vary from 40 to 60 degrees which make trying to teach a nerve wracking BITCH!  Columbus Public Schools are closed until March 7 and they are running a school program thru TV, radio and newspapers and it seems to be working half way decently.  We, in Upper Arlington, managed to purchase extra gas last week and will have it until another cold spell comes and they confiscate it to give it to residential users.  Our kids were off all last week -- but we as teachers had to work and make up really stupid learning packets for them to work on while at home.  The principal admitted to us that the reason we were doing the learning packets was for PR (public relations) to make the schools look good to the parents since we have a 2 mill renewable operating levy to be passed in June.  It's all a crock of shit cause the administration is trying to pull the wool over the eyes of the public.  This week we are back in school and I started a new unit on short stories.  I hope to hell I can finish it before we close down again (if we do) cause I'm getting tired of losing the continuity of my teaching and it is so very hard on the kids to remember and retain stuff we did 3 weeks ago.  My disposition gets rather nasty when I don't know how to dress for school since I never know whether my room will be 40 or 60 -- both of which are cold.  I wore my coat teaching the entire day today and it took me until 7pm tonight  at home to warm up.  My parents sent us an electric blanket, 4 pairs of long johns, and 6 pairs of thermal socks which have been real life-savers.  Thanks G-d for parents -- and especially mine cause they're just super to us.

This sounds really odd -- but my mother and I and my mother-in-law and sister-in-law are going to Las Vegas from March 21-25 which is my spring break if I ever get one.  My mother has gone thru a particularly rough year since there have been several deaths in her side of the family in the last few months and she is still recoupreating from her surgery.  She has always wanted to go to Vegas.  Morrey can't get away and he wants me to go with my mom and his mom and his sister so it appears as though we're in for a really great time.  I really feel guilty about spending the money to go and I feel even worse about Morrey choosing not to go -- but I would like to show my mother the time of her life -- and heaven knows I need a vacation in a place where I can forget entirely that the "real" world exists.  My father can't go either and doesn't really desire to go so it'll just be the ladies.  I could get in a lot of "trouble" in Vegas -- but with my mother and mother-in-law as chaperones I'm sure I'll be safe and secure and I won't break the bank -- mine or theirs!

To answer your question -- I did hear from Mark.  He called me from Dayton and tried to make connections to Cols. but couldn't.  He was supposed to come back the next week and was then going to stay with us but the weather got really bad and I guess he couldn't make it.  He did promise me that he would definitely come here the next trip he makes to Dayton and I believe Mark will keep his promise.  He told me that he sold his house in Rochester and I think he's going to look for a job in Washington.  I will keep you informed when I hear from him again.

I got a letter from Mardi and she told me about Mike being married to a guy.  I guess he wrote to Mrs. P. and told her about it.  I was stunned and shocked at first -- but the more I thought about it -- the pieces of the puzzle seemed to fit. Knowing Mike's background and the kind of adolescence he experienced, I can understand why he would become a homosexual.  I have no ill feelings about ti nor do I dislike him for it.  I accept it and I would accept him as a person if I had the opportunity to meet with him again.  I wondered if you knew about it at Xmas time when we were home cause you sort of hinted around and alluded to it when you and I discussed Mike.  Answer, please?

My parents are supposed to come here this weekend and I'm delighted cause we've spent every weekend at home since Jan. and it will be a pleasant change to entertain my folks.  They always look forward to coming here and going out to interesting and unusual places with us.  They are usually game for anything we plan.  We even took my dad out to see a belly dancer in a Greek nightclub one night and he thought that was neat.  Of course, when you consider what a night life Warren has to offer -- I guess a belly dancer does look and sound pretty appealing to "country" folk.  HA HA

I hope my letter hasn't sounded too dour and depressing.  Basically I am happy with life -- but unsettled and unhappy with myself until I find something which appeals to me in the world of work.

Our puppy, Lady, is getting really big.  I bet she weight about 30 lbs. right now with another 50 to grow on in the next few months.  I want you to know that I am really serious about our 4th of July reunion at the cottage.  My folks said it was okay as long as everyone chipped in for the booze and supplies.  I wrote Mardi and told her to plan on it.  If you can get in touch with Dodi,k Joan, and some of the others from our "circle" please do so, okay?

Well, I've procrastinated long enough to start feeling guilty about the untouched school work so I'd best be closing for now.  Be well Paul and take care.  I'm so glad to have a friend like you!

November 21, 1976 (Letter from Renee)

Received your letter this week and I was happy to hear from you once again.  You're so great about taking the initiative to write after my long periods of non-correspondence.  It is amazing to me still that after all these year (10 since I've been out of H.S.) that we, as friends, still manage to keep in touch.  It makes me feel good!   I was blessed with 2 letters in 1 week -- 1 from you & 1 from Mardi.  How lucky can I get?

Your letter touched me deeply, for I, too, am experiencing a great deal of depression over my "present state of affairs" concerning my job & my future in the working world.  I am more fortunate than you, however, in the fact that I have Morrey to share in my problems and to guide me in my decisions.  I have decided that this will be my last year of teaching school.  In June I'll hit the "road" looking for a new job.  I am very unhappy with the conditions at school, with the people I work with, and , above all, w/ the people that run the school.  At this point in my life, I feel that I am "giving too much of myself" to my work and I haven't had time to be a good wife or really a good friend.  I feel torn between my school obligations and my private life & family.  When I leave teaching I will have the satisfaction of knowing that I left as a successful teacher and I also know that I'm not really leaving because other people forced me -- but because I forced myself.  I feel as if I've reached the end of my goals in teaching and there's nothing more there for me to tackle -- at which point one begins to fall into a situation in which she rests on past performances instead of reaching for new dimensions!  I want to quit teaching before my attitude reflects in my teaching performance.  There are too many people at my school who long ago gave up on  being good teachers, and who now are in the profession 1) because it pays more than other jobs they could find & 2) because it's routine, easy & no sweat if you don't give a damn anyway.  For a long time, Paul, I was so depressed about the whole thing, but now that I've made up my mind to quit & do something else -- I feel almost as if I'd been given a reprieve.  I feel "cleansed" once I made the decision to quite.  Well, so much for that for now.

I've had a very difficult time of it these last 2 months, Paul.  My grandfather's death wasn't hard for me to accept at first, but now I am feeling the "great loss" to me and my family.  Morrey & I have been to Warren several times since then, and it will take my parents a while to adjust.  I have desperately wanted to spend more time w2/ them but because of my job & other demands I have not been able to.  They are coming here for Thanksgiving and Morrey & I have planned a "fun" weekend.   My mother is scheduled to go in to Warren General for gall bladder surgery on Dec. 15th and I am leaving school 3 days early (before our Xmas vacation)  to be with my father.  I will be in Warren through the Xmas-New Years holidays and I am very much looking forward to seeing you, Paul, and to spending time renewing acquaintances with people from Warren.  If possible I hope you & I could find time to go & visit w/ Mrs. Coe, our h.s. English teacher.  At any rate, call me at my folks' when you get in town.

I told Morrey about y our unhappiness in Springfield and how expensive it was to live there.  He told me to tell you to come to Columbus & stay with us for awhile and perhaps look for work here.  I want you to know Paul that the invitation we're extending is more sincere -- we do have an extra bedroom.  And plenty of room for you and we wouldn't be inconvenienced or bothered a bit if you took us up on the offer.  Morrey is not the type to offer unless he likes someone and really cares -- and he does like you Paul!  Please give some consideration to the idea.  Perhaps we can discuss it at Xmas time.

Paul, I wish there was something I could do to help you in your present circumstances.  I feel for you, and from the tone of your letter, I can share in your feelings of frustration & depression.  Paul, we've been friends for a long time.  Of you need money, Morrey and I would be happy to help you out.  We're not rolling in money, but we do have some and would be happy as an act of friendship to loan you want  you might need.  I've discussed this with Morrey and he supports the offer so please don't hesitate if you're in a hole and need some financial help.  I know that if the circumstances were reversed, you'd do the same for us.

I am writing this letter while watching the NBC 50 years of NBC show and I'm finding that I can't do 2 things at once successfully so I'll close this letter for now cause Morrey's bugging me to watch with him.

Please take care & be well Paul.  Write again soon & I'll plan to see you at Xmas time in Warren.

July 7, 1976 (Letter from Renee)

It was so great to hear from you again.  Since you were so sweet about returning my letter, I felt I couldn't stall in sitting down to write a letter back to you.  So far my summer has been great -- hectic, but great!  I joined a health spa and now I go and exercise three morning a week to get my bod toned up since it looks sort of flabby since I took off so much weight.  I am also macrameing, which is a big hobby of mine.  I just finished doing a huge wall hanging for my brother and sister-in-law and I worked my fingers to the bone tying all the millions of knots in it -- but I sure am proud of the finished product.  Macrame is a very expensive hobby -- so I work at it when I have 10 to 30 extra dollar to throw around.  I would absolutely love to macrame a big tree hammock for the cottage, but it takes about 700 yds of rope and would cost me close to $100 to do it.  One of these days "when my boat comes in" I'll do it too.

Boy, Paul, it makes such a difference being off for the summer.  If I had been in school for even one more week I think I would have lost my mind!  I have really been working hard around the house.  When a person doesn't really clean a place thoroughly for a year, then it takes about 1 1/2 weeks to ear everything apart and put it back together again.  Morrey and I finally cleaned out our closets after living here almost 3 years and I shopped home (via my Dad) about 10 huge boxes of rummage.  Now that I've lost so much weight, practically nothing in my closet fits anymore so I had to give it away (HOORAY!).  By next week I will have taken off 50 lbs, but I have another 50 to go before I'm done!  I should reach my goal by Jan. or Feb.  Morrey had kept a Christmas club account of $500.00 for me just to buy clothes when I reach my goal and I can hardly wait.  We are thinking about going to Las Vegas and Phoenix, Arizona probably around Xmas vacation and I can hardly wait to display the new me!  I swear I'm going to find a long gown that really shows off my boobs and figure.  Something slinky, sexy, and for sure, seducing!

My parents were here last week for a visit and we tried to show them the town.  Went to a dinner theater to see Bob Crane (Hogan's Heroes) in a show called "xxxxx, darn, I forget what it was called -- but it was indeed funny and my parents loved it.  Last night we took them to see Harvey Korman (Carol Burnett's sidekick) in a show called "Norman, Is That You?"  It was really hilarious!

I was just in the middle of preparing my husband a real gourmet dinner for tonight when he called from work to say that a friend of ours is giving us free tickets for a dinner theater tonight -- so the hell with dinner!  I really enjoy potting around in the kitchen these days.  (Excuse the pun!)  I was making Rock Cornish game hen, rice, green beans, salad, and an authentic English Trifle for dessert -- but I will just put it off for tomorrow night instead.  I make the desserts but I stay far away from eating them. When Morrey eats his dessert I eat a piece of fruit, and my stomach doesn't know the difference anyhow.

We spent the 4th of July weekend in Chicago at my brother's.  They just bought a new house, only it isn't new cause it is 50 years old.  It was an honest to God mansion with 4 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, 2 dens, a swimming pool and the whole bit.  We felt like we were staying in the "Grand Hotel" but it was sure fun.  I spent the entire weekend schlepping myself from my chair in the sun into the swimming pool and back again.  Needless to say, I'm none the worse for wear and tear.  My brother is doing very well financially and can afford to really live in style   I admire him and his wife for working so hard o get what they wanted.  My other brother in Omaha is moving into a brand new house this week.  They've been hitting my parents up for quite a bit of money,  which I don't think is quite kosher -- but it's really none of my business how my folks choose to spend their money.  I know that if Morrey and I really needed financial help (which, thank God we don't) they would never refuse us.  My brother in Omaha pisses me off a lot cause he "expects" my parents to give him material objects and monetary gifts.  If he showed a little concern for my folks and appreciations for what they do for him than I wouldn't complain, but he just keeps taking and taking as long as they're willing to give.  Oh well, I guess every family has its peculiarities and quirks -- mine is no exception.

Morrey has really been working hard this summer.  He started on commission June 1 and he's been really pushing it to make a buck.  So far, this month, we're in the hole, but next month looks like it will be a really good one.  I think that with Morrey being on commission we will be a lot more careful with our expenditures since we can never tell what next month will bring in.  I'm not worried and I have every confidence in the world that in another few years we'll be sitting kind of pretty ourselves -- if I live to see it!  HA HA

I really can't complain about anything Paul.  I have absolutely everything I want and more than I need to get along.  Morrey never refuses anything that is really important to me and we've really been putting money away in the hope that next year we can buy some kind of a house.  The way things are going with the price of houses, I think that about all we'll be able to afford is the garage or the basement!

It was great to hear the news you wrote about the "old gang of ours".  It would really be nice someday to have us all get together again.  Really, Paul, you are the only one of my friends from Warren over the years that I have kept in touch with, and I am certainly glad that we both don't mind writing letters once in a while.  Even though I might not write for months, I am always thinking about you and wondering how things are going with you.  My parents always ask about you when I see them.  As a matter of act, we're going to Warren this weekend so Morrey can fish and I can sit in the sun.  Morrey is nuts about the cottage.  Once he's there it gets really hard to convince him to ride into town to visit.  He has simple taste and one of his greatest pleasures is sitting in the board "washing worms" as he calls it, since he's never yet in 8 years of going there caught an edible fish!

I haven't read a decent book all summer and can't seem to find anything on the book racks that I like.  When you write back, please give me some "professional" advice on some good reading materials. I do like biography and historical fiction just about the best of anything in print.  I sure would appreciate some hints on good reading material.

Well, I'm doing the laundry again and I have to hang up our clothes so I'll be closing for now.  Hope this letter finds you well and prospering in Springfield, Mass.  By the way, have you been to Sturbridge?  We went last year and I absolutely loved it!  What interesting things are there to do in Springfield?  One of these days I might just hop in the car and drive out for the hell of it.

My typing has gone from bad to worse to please try to overlook the errors.

August 14, 1972 (Letter from Renee)

It was so nice to return home and find your letter in the mailbox today.  As always I enjoy hearing form you and it gives me such a warm feeling to know that we are continuing our correspondence.

I have so many millions other things that I should be doing today (the laundry, cleaning the apt. etc.) but  I find that I would much rather choose the "escape" route and spend a quiet afternoon at my desk.  I really enjoy the peace, quiet, and solitude of the late afternoon hours when I am at home doing whatever I feel like doing.  I tend to work, write and just sit in spurts and I can't say that I mind it at all.  There is something to be said for just being alone with only thoughts and I rather enjoy  day when I don't even hear the sound of my own voice until Morrey comes home from work.

Morrey and I returned late last night from a weekend trip to Warren.  My brother Hersh and his wife and daughter were there from Omaha and we had a most enjoyable visit.  We reminisced a good deal about when we were kids living at home and we stayed up half the night just talking and joking around. My parents, of course, are always in 7th heaven when anyone of us kids comes home for a weekend and it gave us a good deal of pleasure to see the old twinkle in their eyes when we were ll together laughing and having a merry time of it.  Really, Morrey and I are very fortunate since we both love to go to the cottage and we get along so well with my parents.  Sometimes they are really the life of the party and there really is no such thing as a generation gap when we are with them.  Morrey and I have a relationship with my folks that is ideal.   They are like our best friends and they seem to enjoy doing anything we choose to do.  My folks have always (as I'm sure you know) been quite hospitable and their warmth, good humor, and general sense of "fun" makes any visit to Warren most relaxing and highly enjoyable.  My folks have never interfered in any way with the way Morrey and I live -- they are always willing to extend us a hand if we need it and they never pry into our personal business.  We surely are two very lucky people.  Although my family was never very close when I was younger because of the age differences then, we sure do make up for it now!

I really don't' have much in the say of "news" to tell you about.l  School started on Sept 5 (3 weeks away) and I'm nowhere near ready.  I keep putting things off thinking I still have plenty of time to do them but time is quickly passing by and at the rate I'm going I'll be ready for school on January 1, 1973.

I can't begin to tell you how much I've enjoyed this summer.  Everything has been so carefree, devil-may-care.  I've done a few of the things I had planned to do, relaxed a great deal -- and just plain old "been myself".  This is the first time in a long time Morrey and I haven't had financial worries and somehow we've managed to do just about everything we've wanted to do all summer.  Th ere isn't a single thing I can think of that I desire, or need or want and I'd never deemed that all these things would come true for me.  I used to think that it would take us 10-15 years of married life before I'd have everything I wanted, but I find that I have all those things, and more right here and now.   How wonderful life is Paul -- how exciting, alive, vibrant and wonderful I feel!  I guess not many people are as lucky as Morrey and I to have each other, to have the things we want together, and to do anything we ant at any time without being tied down in any way or responsible to anyone but ourselves.  At times I think we are rather selfish in feeling this way but I know that we both work very hard to reach our goals and we are constantly setting new heights to be reached so that we will never be satisfied with the "status-quo" or even settle down to it.  There's too much of life to live, too many things to see and do and try to ever make us stand still and stay happy for long.  I don't want to close myself up to the rest of the world with a certain social set of friends, or a particularly "perfect" set of surroundings by the time I'm middle-aged.  What is perfect and good today will have flaws tomorrow.  I never want to become stagnated and stale just because I accept everything that surrounds me.  Life moves on and in order to feel really alive and part of it all we must move as well.  Fairy tales that come true are never what one thought they would be-0- nor are they perfect.  Well, enough of my philosophy for now.  I really must close for now since my "man" will be home soon and I have to do a few chores yet today.

Be well, take care and write again soon.