April 11, 1977 (Letter from Grayce)

I just drove Kathy to the airport.  My heart is beating at a normal rate again.  (I had never driven home from there alone).  I can't believe what a good weekend this was.  The last time I saw Kathy was May 1973, and we had been friendly for 2 years, but she's  not a writer (like us!) & other than an occasional call or note, I hadn't heard from her.  Ii was slightly apprehensive about this visit -- but we just blabbered on like 2 magpies from Thursday til this afternoon & we've gotten caught up on all levels -- superficial & psychological & in-between - a really satisfying experience to renew a relationship that you do value, but didn't get much chance to pursue.  It was so great to have company 'round the clock, too.  Bob (her boyfriend) couldn't come, but they are going to come together next time & in a way it was providential since we'd never have talked so much with another person here!  Brook was thrilled -- especially since he didn't have to listen to me for a few days!!

This little insert came in this writing paper.  Do you think I need to sent for it?  I know my letters must be boring & incoherent sometimes (at least!) but I don't think I need "professional" help at this time!

Your letters usually arrive on Thursdays, or Fridays, for me, & I always answer them as soon as I can & I really enjoy hearing from you this often.  I'm afraid my other letters often get neglected, but more of my other "pen pals" don't answer nearly as quickly as my friend Paul.  He must know that I need this continuum, huh?

Actually, I'm not a phone person.  I like to see the person I'm speaking to.  Just the voice makes me feel a great gap!  I know I'm persnickety, but I guess it's too late to change -- and especially at this senile age I'm about to reach!!!

As for your lack of concentration -- maybe it's something trite like spring fever?  (Not to belittle the effects.)  The weather here has been so gorgeous.  I often find myself just sittin' 'n' 'starin' -- instead of doing!  Linda (my boss) & I manage to spend at least one of our breaks outside now, even it it's just to sit on the parking lot curb out back of the store.  We've decided that once or twice a week, we'll take turns bringing a picnic lunch.  (Kath brought me a perfect picnic basket from Bob for Easter -- almost as if she had guessed that I'd been wanting one!)  Another funny thing -- we both  had a very similar dream on the first night she was here.  (Both dreamed that I was late for work the next day!)


I really liked Kiss Me Deadly, as I remember -- but I don't remember too much about it.  (I hate the Academy Awards -- ever since John Wayne won the Oscar over Dustin Hoffman) (I've boycotted them, ever since).  I've never wanted to see Rocky -- maybe I'm just strange -- since everyone else seems to rave about it!

One of my favorites was Boys in the Band.  I love Leonard Frey -- ever since I met him & he gave me half of his dinner!  (I'll tell you that one, sometime!)


Kathy & I couldn't find a movie to watch here in Weird Land -- so we decided to see Thieves (Marlo Thomas).  Brook said he'd throw up, so we went while he was at work, so he wouldn't have to. Actually, it wasn't too bad.  There were a few funny lines, but her husband -- who was supposed to have been in a tough street game at one, looked like a marshmallow, to me -- unlike any street person  I've ever known!!  And to top it off, he played the flute!  (Very well.)  Oh well -- talk about incongruities.  Actually I usually go to movies to be entertained on a very superficial level (is this blasphemy to you?) and only at the worst ones do I get indignant!  (My mother & you would get along great.  She's a real movie buff -- but mostly about the older ones.  She's not ready for most of the newer ones, she says.)


I hope you had a splendid time in my town.  Did you say hello to Billy Penn for me?  Hope so!

Do you think you'll be out this way this summer at all?

November 21, 1976 (Letter from Renee)

Received your letter this week and I was happy to hear from you once again.  You're so great about taking the initiative to write after my long periods of non-correspondence.  It is amazing to me still that after all these year (10 since I've been out of H.S.) that we, as friends, still manage to keep in touch.  It makes me feel good!   I was blessed with 2 letters in 1 week -- 1 from you & 1 from Mardi.  How lucky can I get?

Your letter touched me deeply, for I, too, am experiencing a great deal of depression over my "present state of affairs" concerning my job & my future in the working world.  I am more fortunate than you, however, in the fact that I have Morrey to share in my problems and to guide me in my decisions.  I have decided that this will be my last year of teaching school.  In June I'll hit the "road" looking for a new job.  I am very unhappy with the conditions at school, with the people I work with, and , above all, w/ the people that run the school.  At this point in my life, I feel that I am "giving too much of myself" to my work and I haven't had time to be a good wife or really a good friend.  I feel torn between my school obligations and my private life & family.  When I leave teaching I will have the satisfaction of knowing that I left as a successful teacher and I also know that I'm not really leaving because other people forced me -- but because I forced myself.  I feel as if I've reached the end of my goals in teaching and there's nothing more there for me to tackle -- at which point one begins to fall into a situation in which she rests on past performances instead of reaching for new dimensions!  I want to quit teaching before my attitude reflects in my teaching performance.  There are too many people at my school who long ago gave up on  being good teachers, and who now are in the profession 1) because it pays more than other jobs they could find & 2) because it's routine, easy & no sweat if you don't give a damn anyway.  For a long time, Paul, I was so depressed about the whole thing, but now that I've made up my mind to quit & do something else -- I feel almost as if I'd been given a reprieve.  I feel "cleansed" once I made the decision to quite.  Well, so much for that for now.

I've had a very difficult time of it these last 2 months, Paul.  My grandfather's death wasn't hard for me to accept at first, but now I am feeling the "great loss" to me and my family.  Morrey & I have been to Warren several times since then, and it will take my parents a while to adjust.  I have desperately wanted to spend more time w2/ them but because of my job & other demands I have not been able to.  They are coming here for Thanksgiving and Morrey & I have planned a "fun" weekend.   My mother is scheduled to go in to Warren General for gall bladder surgery on Dec. 15th and I am leaving school 3 days early (before our Xmas vacation)  to be with my father.  I will be in Warren through the Xmas-New Years holidays and I am very much looking forward to seeing you, Paul, and to spending time renewing acquaintances with people from Warren.  If possible I hope you & I could find time to go & visit w/ Mrs. Coe, our h.s. English teacher.  At any rate, call me at my folks' when you get in town.

I told Morrey about y our unhappiness in Springfield and how expensive it was to live there.  He told me to tell you to come to Columbus & stay with us for awhile and perhaps look for work here.  I want you to know Paul that the invitation we're extending is more sincere -- we do have an extra bedroom.  And plenty of room for you and we wouldn't be inconvenienced or bothered a bit if you took us up on the offer.  Morrey is not the type to offer unless he likes someone and really cares -- and he does like you Paul!  Please give some consideration to the idea.  Perhaps we can discuss it at Xmas time.

Paul, I wish there was something I could do to help you in your present circumstances.  I feel for you, and from the tone of your letter, I can share in your feelings of frustration & depression.  Paul, we've been friends for a long time.  Of you need money, Morrey and I would be happy to help you out.  We're not rolling in money, but we do have some and would be happy as an act of friendship to loan you want  you might need.  I've discussed this with Morrey and he supports the offer so please don't hesitate if you're in a hole and need some financial help.  I know that if the circumstances were reversed, you'd do the same for us.

I am writing this letter while watching the NBC 50 years of NBC show and I'm finding that I can't do 2 things at once successfully so I'll close this letter for now cause Morrey's bugging me to watch with him.

Please take care & be well Paul.  Write again soon & I'll plan to see you at Xmas time in Warren.

November 8, 1976 (Letter from Grayce)

I liked the little picture you sent.  It reminds me of something -- but I'm not sure exactly what.

I just sat down a while ago -- all ready to sew some of the quilt (I had put it away for awhile because I was getting bored with it) and the power died -- maybe this is an omen for me to get out some paper & write to  the 19 people I owe letters to!  What do you think?  It seems to me that the more time I have on my hands, the less I feel like writing to people.  It's true, of course, that nothing exciting happens to me, so maybe I want to spare them (& myself) the boredom of writing about nothing.  You are one of the few "lucky" people who receive letters regularly from me -- I don't suppose you'd like to analyze the reason for this?  I must want to punish you in a terrible, twisted way!  You see, I even started your letter first -- to be sure it got written.  Poor you.

When the electricity goes off (which I hope it doesn't do too often this winter!) you get a chance to realize how much you depend on it -- for good or bad.  For instance -- we're going out to dinner tonight because I won a bet with Brook that he'd get a 95 or over in a test he was worried over.  So, I was planning to get a shower & wash my hair this afternoon.  Not too much to ask, right?  Well, it just occurred to me that the shower will be cold because I used the hot water in the tank to do laundry & I can't possibly dry my hair in time without my hair dryer!  Neat huh?  Therefore, I'll make this letter as long as I can to put off the cold shower.  I can't even heat the bathroom because all our heat is electric.  I'm doomed.  Too bad I never bought any "Psssssst" -- maybe IO will now for these little emergencies.  Maybe I'll try a wheat germ shampoo I hard about?  I don't know, though, suppose I can't get it out?  I'll look like I spent the night in a health food store, or something, maybe the restaurant will be mercifully dark.  Actually, my hair doesn't look dirty -- it just feels to me like it is -- so I guess I can forget it.  How to talk yourself into not worrying about trivia that doesn't seem like trivia at the time.

It's nice that you're using your piano talents again.  Maybe I will get interested again someday. Right now I often pick up my guitar & fool with it.  I don't have a good voice, so I usually only play when no one is around.  (That's pretty often that I get a chance around here.)  I love my guitar.  It was a friend's, but she wanted a Martin, so she sold me her Guild for $80 (she had paid $250 for it or $200, I can't remember which).  It has a lovely sound & keeps me company when I get lonely. It's a right handed guitar, so I had to string it backwards to play it, but it really doesn't make any difference except for the pick guard which is at the top instead of at the bottom -- oh, the hazards of being left-handed -- no wonder the Latins referred to it as sinister!)

On Wednesday, I went to 2 cooking classes sponsored by the Intermountain Gas Company.  One was for french cooking & 1 was for Italian.  I asked my neighbor, Betty, across the street, along, because she doesn't  drive & doesn't get to go many place -- nothing is within walking distance from where we live!  She was so grateful, she took me out to lunch at the Holiday Inn between the classes -- which was awfully nice of her.  We had a really good time -- sampling the results was the best part of the classes -- actually the dishes prepared weren't anything too different from things I make myself, but it was fun anyway.  And the other people there (only about 20) seemed to be very impressed so at least they got a lot out of it.

What do you think about your present situation?  Are y ou going to be looking for a new job soon? It would be great if you could get one out West somewhere, maybe we will get to see each other occasionally, after all.  Brook & I just said the other night we'd like to stay out here for about 5 years.  I hope we can.  Let me know if you apply for anything new.  I'll hope that you find something interesting!

I was surprized to get a letter from Wray last week.  He seemed awfully down in the dumps about his being deposed from his former job as "Asst. to the Dean".  Galvin, it seems, told him he didn't know what he did & whatever it was, it wasn't much!  So Wray told him that he (Galvin) was welcome to do it himself & Wray is now just teaching.  (He said to say hello to you, by the way.) It's kind of sad, because I think Wray really tried, but it seems that that accounts for very little at old GSLIS.  I'll have to try & write a cheerful letter back.

Well, I suppose I'd better get that shower now -- brrr!

August 14, 1975 (Letter from Barb L)

Yes, it's been a while -- now that I have a few things settled my mind is free enough to write.  The last week just about did me in -- a pregnancy scare of the first magnitude.  I was really getting anxious -- 12 days late & good reason to worry.  But, never fear -- I got my period Monday nite -- have been celebrating for 2 days & nites.  Whew!  Did I ever write to you about Jeff? -- the guy I work with at the workshop, he's from California -- did a thing w/ him this spring & we had a little reunion last month but I've learned my lesson with him -- no more involvement.

I've come to the conclusion that I've been acting irrationally for some time -- don't know exactly what to do about it.  If I was that kind of a person I'd to go a psychiatrist & say "Fix me up", but that's not my trip.  I can't really explain what's been happening in my head -- kind of a subject/object conflict -- I can see two opposite points of view on every single issue in my life & experience a desire or need for each solution -- both of which are opposite!  Simple example -- I feel a strong urge for warmth, fellowship, sharing & settling down at the same time that an equally strong urge for travel, exploration & danger manifests itself.  My old method of going on instead cannot solve the dilemma.  I can't even find the true instinct!  Rationality doesn't help -- a rational solution never satisfies the emotional side.  It's very perplexing & extends to all areas, not just the one narrow one I've shown you.  It must be middle 20's menopause so famous in friends & acquaintances.  As a highlight to this slate, I am going up to Boston next week & am staying at Rick's.  That relationship endures despite everything -- don't know why at this point.  Going to see him pregnant would have been better melodrama but bad living.

I am racking my brain still on how to come out there, & how to get out of my job long enough to do it.  My current wish (?) is to go back with you in September & then to fly back.  What do you think of that one?  I can't do it this month because I can't get any time off more than 2 or 3 days.  Every summer I seem to find myself indispensable in some job or other working every day while the sun shines.  Of course you know the feeling by now, but it's not that bad of late.

Your recent letters have been well-written and interesting but there seems to be a distance there -- maybe it's the objectivity of your point of view.  I can't find any expression of feelings in your writings of late, but maybe that's what your aiming for.  Your commentary on Michael came as no surprise -- I have no unconquerable urge to go & tell anyone about it. I hope he's calm now & happier. I know it's a hard thing to accept for him, as it would be for anyone, but especially someone as sensitive as Mike.  My only concern would be the callousness you find in that life, as I've seen affect Tonie & others I've known.  I sure hope Mike doesn't have to go through that aspect.

Your idea of collating and editing your letters sounds like a familiar fantasy.  I don't know now if I could force myself to go through the past that closely, but finding the patterns would be good, really good.  Our correspondence has been somewhat erratic -- it seems to come in spurts, but maybe it 's my letter-writing habits of the last couple years -- my letters are few & far between now, but I've kept up the journal I started 2 1/2 years ago.  Even in that I find that it's the same pattern -- spurts of writing with a time lapse in-between.  Seems like when the feelings are in movement then the writing begins, but when things are calm & ordinary there's no need for it.  With discipline the writing would take place constantly but I admit I don't exert it.

Would you cre to hear some Warren news?  There's not much!  Mardi & Mardi are in Maine for their vacation.  Haven't seen Mardi much this summer due to social plans, etc. (of hers), plus I'm not living in town.  Did I ever tell you I moved?  I got a trailer on Jackson Ave. Ext. at the end of June -- it's up near Scandia Road (Fifth Ave. Ext.) - -it's the last dwelling on this road & from here on it's farms & woods.  It's small but not bad.  I have a garden & a yard & Harry & Sanchez like it! The only drawback is always driving anywhere, so I don't know what will happen when winter comes.  I like the privacy most of the time but miss the easy access to people and places.   I have been going more to Scandia area lately than Warren, except to go to work.  I go up to Timmy's farm to swim or to Well's Ferry on Roper Hollow.  I'd be much more content to stay home if there was water around here.  I miss the ocean!  I've never gone though a summer without it in 6 years!  I feel landlocked.  But I get to be near it next week, even if only for a day.

Here's my address now:
1034 Jackson Ave Ext
Warren
726-2538

Back to local news -- Joan is leaving Meadville next month.  She still doesn't have her divorce due to Freddie's blocking of it but is leaving anyway.  Latest I heard was Atlanta & she has a job offer there.  She really needs to relax & let go & I think a city will do it for her.

I don't know what's happening w/ your brother, Dale.  Every once in a while I see something in the paper about it.  I guess it will go to court & I wish him luck with Judge Wolfe.

Can't think of any more news!  You probably know more of what's going on in Warren than I do -- I'm oblivious to it all usually -- I live in my own little world no matter where I am.  Right now it's a trailer on Jackson Ave!

I'm running a bath & about ready to go to bed -- haven't had much sleep lately -- (5 or 6 days).   Now it's relax time, or crash time, whatever you call it.

Thanks for your letters, even though you got no answers --

I will be seeing you in about a month -- the last time was sitting on your porch on the 4th of July a year ago -- seems like 5 at least.  I'm looking forward to th is one!

P.S.  Write & encourage or discourage the idea of going back with you to Montana in Sept.  I don't want to infringe on your free movement.

P.S. again!

Am re-reading Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig.  Absolutely intriguing book.  I'm searching for some good reading -- you know there's nowhere to go & look for some around here  Any recommendations?

July 22, 1972 (Letter from Renee)

So sorry it has taken me so long in responding to your last letter.  I guess I've been kind of lazy and just this week got around to cleaning the debris off my desk so that I could begin to do a little work.  I have really been enjoying my summer vacation and it has been pleasant and uneventful for the most part.  I guess one could say that my status at t his point is strictly as a housewife and I'm kind of enjoying it.  I have been reading a lot -- in fact that is what occupies 75% of my time these days.  Haven't been reading anything earthshaking or pertinent -- but I've enjoyed it just the same.

I spent a little time just cleaning and re-organizing our apartment.  We finally got some new living room furniture much to our delight, and we really settled down in many ways that we never were before.  I can't exactly describe it but Morrey and I have finally achieved some sort of financial security, our home is now complete with the furniture we want, and we both are doing exactly what we want to do without anything holding us back or getting in our way.

I'm beginning to feel quite guilty because so far I haven't done a thing about my lesson plans and materials for next year yet and I'm getting kind of itchy to do so.  I was a pretty lousy teacher by my own standards last year and I aim to do much to improve that situation.  Even if it means that I have to be a tough-assed bitch at times I'm determined to be that way as long as the kids know who is boss and meet my expectations of them. This year instead of being afraid of the kids and having them know I'm afraid -- the tables are going to be switched and they will have to live a little bit in terror of Prayzer the English teacher in room 2061.

I was home in Warren for a week after the 4th of July and was bored stiff, which is what I should have expected.  It was a pleasant visit with my parents and I just kind of enjoyed sitting around doing nothing and being responsible for nothing.  Morrey didn't mind that I stayed on in Pa. and I think that it does us good once in a while to be separated.  Absence makes that old heart grow fonder so they say -- and I'll agree.  We plan on returning to Warren the weekend of August 19th for my high school reunion -- which will probably turn out to be a gigantic fiasco and waste of time -- but I can't help being curious to see how some of my classmates turned out.

I can't tell you how impressed I am with the letters you have been writing to me.  They really paint a picture of you Paul - and one that I admire and respect a great deal.  I can see that you are still independent and are enjoying it and also that you are a very flexible type of person.  You seem to have certain goals well defined for yourself yet then you leave enough room i there for being yourself and not getting into any fixed groove or bind.  I'm also very glad to hear that you have been reading a good deal and enjoying it.  I must admit -- I'm way far behind you in the quality of works we read.  I am not a disciplined reader and I would choose 9 times out of ten some \junk on the best seller list than to ever go back to the classics and really dig deep!

I really must admit Paul that at the moment I'm not much in the letter writing mood and I'm not getting too much said that I want to say in this letter for that reason.  (Besides the fact that Morrey is kissy-facing and bugging me at the moment.)

I hope you will forgive me for the brevity of this letter and I promise to write at greater length and with more substance in my next letter to you.

Meantime I hope you are enjoying yourself in sunny California.  We've had a heat wave here for the last week and it's 93 and really miserable outside.  God bless air-conditioned apartments.

Please keep in touch and write again soon.