March 21, 1977 (Letter from Barb N)

...a total disaster. Bad acting, atrocious screenplay, uninspired photography, terrible direction.


Hello.

I'm finally getting time to write between my stages of depression and spurts of constructive work and play.  At least I'm to the point where I understand myself and my bodily needs.  Now I need to learn self-control through self-restraint.  It isn't all that easy for me because I always get such a low feeling inside.  Today I was talking to Evelyn and the feeling of despair became very intense so I knew that I could only overcome the feeling my altering my state of mind.  So the rest of the afternoon and the evening are spent baking break, sewing, writing letters, and cleaning out my junk.

I almost got myself into a friendship that would have led me astray.  Fortunately she has been very blunt to me and I have found that her insults have directed me back on my own path.  I can take a few put downs if there are helpful but Sam is a pain in the ass.  I fell relieved that I'm not around her except there are two problems.  I work with her and she is Darrel & my houseguest for the moment.  I'm sure the situation will improve shortly.

I have only eight months left in the Navy and I feel that it is still too long for me.  I am so happy that I only have two seasons left.

Max is in Ventura, California by herself.  Jeff went back to Warren to get a motorcycle and some money.  Max said she didn't have a job from her last letter but that was a week or so ago.

I should go do some more yoga.

Not much news in Italy.  I will write more when I am in a better state of mind and have more time.

February 19, 1977 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.

Thanks for your last letter.  I really enjoyed hearing from you.

I have the blues at the moment.  It's only a temporary depression phase that stems from my Navy life.  I am very unhappy about my course of life.  I feel that these last few months are a total waste for me. I know that unless I make a drastic move on my part my life will remain the same.  I do not intend to do anything foolish.  I do know that I have to conquer my feelings of discontent and strive to gain an inner peace.

Today I made two dives out of the five dives I have to make in order to be certified for scuba.  I made a snorkel dive then a scuba dive.  I was under water for 25 minutes at the depth of 30 ft.  Tuesday I will make two of my last three dives and my last one when I find the time in my schedule next month.  I am finally going to get my certification after nine months.

Next month's watchbill is going to be a bad schedule.  I work five days for eight hours then get a day and a half off then I go back on the watchbill working four-day twelve hour watches then I get two days off and work my four days again etc. until the end of the month.  I will be working 250 hours in March.  They can kiss my ass, too.  If I had any sense I would have been long gone.  I won't discuss it further because it won't do me a bit of good.

The weather has been beautiful lately.  The skies are clear with temps in the upper fifties.  Today I rode in Art's car with the top down.  Spring should be here soon.  (Hopefully.) 

Art, Eve, & I went to the Pinte Mare pool yesterday and we were the only people in the pool for two hours.  Eve & I were in & out of the sauna for awhile.  It was real nice to have a pool to yourselves.

I am going to quit smoking for a week or so.  I haven't been feeling so good.  I want to see if it will make any difference on my system.  I have also been a good space cadet.  (I mailed two letters without stamps.)

I have been using my blender to make smoothies.  I used orange juice or tangerine juice and add a banana, orange, apple, yogurt or whatever else comes to mind.  So far I have had total success.  My bread is still delicious.  I made rolls last time & of course they came out perfect. I'm getting to be a good cook.

I will give you my guitar when I buy myself a new one.  I have to get to Spain.  But I won't be able to give it to you until I get back to the states.  I will send it back with either me or my household goods.

Not much else to say.  I could get into a long discussion about the future events of this planet.  It's really hard to say what the reason for the change is but I do believe that mankind is going to be placed in a position where it will be the "survival of the fittest".  I would like to do some reading on predictions in the next twenty years or so.

November 21, 1976 (Letter from Renee)

Received your letter this week and I was happy to hear from you once again.  You're so great about taking the initiative to write after my long periods of non-correspondence.  It is amazing to me still that after all these year (10 since I've been out of H.S.) that we, as friends, still manage to keep in touch.  It makes me feel good!   I was blessed with 2 letters in 1 week -- 1 from you & 1 from Mardi.  How lucky can I get?

Your letter touched me deeply, for I, too, am experiencing a great deal of depression over my "present state of affairs" concerning my job & my future in the working world.  I am more fortunate than you, however, in the fact that I have Morrey to share in my problems and to guide me in my decisions.  I have decided that this will be my last year of teaching school.  In June I'll hit the "road" looking for a new job.  I am very unhappy with the conditions at school, with the people I work with, and , above all, w/ the people that run the school.  At this point in my life, I feel that I am "giving too much of myself" to my work and I haven't had time to be a good wife or really a good friend.  I feel torn between my school obligations and my private life & family.  When I leave teaching I will have the satisfaction of knowing that I left as a successful teacher and I also know that I'm not really leaving because other people forced me -- but because I forced myself.  I feel as if I've reached the end of my goals in teaching and there's nothing more there for me to tackle -- at which point one begins to fall into a situation in which she rests on past performances instead of reaching for new dimensions!  I want to quit teaching before my attitude reflects in my teaching performance.  There are too many people at my school who long ago gave up on  being good teachers, and who now are in the profession 1) because it pays more than other jobs they could find & 2) because it's routine, easy & no sweat if you don't give a damn anyway.  For a long time, Paul, I was so depressed about the whole thing, but now that I've made up my mind to quit & do something else -- I feel almost as if I'd been given a reprieve.  I feel "cleansed" once I made the decision to quite.  Well, so much for that for now.

I've had a very difficult time of it these last 2 months, Paul.  My grandfather's death wasn't hard for me to accept at first, but now I am feeling the "great loss" to me and my family.  Morrey & I have been to Warren several times since then, and it will take my parents a while to adjust.  I have desperately wanted to spend more time w2/ them but because of my job & other demands I have not been able to.  They are coming here for Thanksgiving and Morrey & I have planned a "fun" weekend.   My mother is scheduled to go in to Warren General for gall bladder surgery on Dec. 15th and I am leaving school 3 days early (before our Xmas vacation)  to be with my father.  I will be in Warren through the Xmas-New Years holidays and I am very much looking forward to seeing you, Paul, and to spending time renewing acquaintances with people from Warren.  If possible I hope you & I could find time to go & visit w/ Mrs. Coe, our h.s. English teacher.  At any rate, call me at my folks' when you get in town.

I told Morrey about y our unhappiness in Springfield and how expensive it was to live there.  He told me to tell you to come to Columbus & stay with us for awhile and perhaps look for work here.  I want you to know Paul that the invitation we're extending is more sincere -- we do have an extra bedroom.  And plenty of room for you and we wouldn't be inconvenienced or bothered a bit if you took us up on the offer.  Morrey is not the type to offer unless he likes someone and really cares -- and he does like you Paul!  Please give some consideration to the idea.  Perhaps we can discuss it at Xmas time.

Paul, I wish there was something I could do to help you in your present circumstances.  I feel for you, and from the tone of your letter, I can share in your feelings of frustration & depression.  Paul, we've been friends for a long time.  Of you need money, Morrey and I would be happy to help you out.  We're not rolling in money, but we do have some and would be happy as an act of friendship to loan you want  you might need.  I've discussed this with Morrey and he supports the offer so please don't hesitate if you're in a hole and need some financial help.  I know that if the circumstances were reversed, you'd do the same for us.

I am writing this letter while watching the NBC 50 years of NBC show and I'm finding that I can't do 2 things at once successfully so I'll close this letter for now cause Morrey's bugging me to watch with him.

Please take care & be well Paul.  Write again soon & I'll plan to see you at Xmas time in Warren.

September 25, 1968 (Letter from Mark)

Well things seem to be looking a whole lot better now than they were a few weeks ago.  I guess it was just the adjustment and confusion and it took awhile to get used to it.  I'm in my permanent room now until my final permanent room is done.  Which should be by Thanksgiving.  There is three in a room.  My roommates are normal kids (introverts).  I haven't seen them except at night.

I've really met loads and loads of kids.  I have a date Saturday night to see the American Breed with an art student.  She's a model with hair like Mia Farrow.  She's nice but very different as I find all art majors are. I'm really finding that it is an honor to be an art major (painting and sculpture at this school) there are only 125 of us.  Everyone of my friends is in art and design.  There is only about 500 girls on campus now and of this 70 of 125 are art majors.  Which makes it really nice.  All the boys are hippies.  All of the art kids stick together.  It is really hard for me to associate with kids other than art & design.  Most of the kids consider the art kids as unique, truly individuals, and for the most part hippie-like thinking.  I eat with all these kids and do everything with them.  My two best friends are hippies.  One is form London, England and the other from New York City.  At dinner all the art majors sit together and talk about anything they feel like.  Some are into pot and others aren't.  I've expressed my views on smoking and they respect my views and really understand.  It's really surprising how these kids think and fell about everything.  They are considerate and most of them well bred.  Most of them dress mod, or really grubby.  I at least think they've accepted me for the way I am now and the way I dress.  Their clothes are nothing like what you find in Warren, for the most part they are from wealthy families.  But I like these kids and I'm starting to become very content with these kids.

My classes are starting tomorrow at 7:45 - Western Civilization and then I'm downtown every day till 5:00.  The art students are the only ones that have any classes downtown so this is really going to be great.  My classes are going to be really hard, but to me some of the problems are really challenges.  The push for creativeness and originality is really tough.  All the color scales we have to create, paint, and use.  Figure drawing, 3-d design, 2-d design, abstract formations, and on and on re the list of the classes I'll be taking.  Some of them are really over my head.

It sounds as though you are really having a good time at school.  The dates and everything.  Your roommates seem really great and you probably have a great time with them.  It sure sounds as though you have a great time of it [unintelligible] and everything.  There isn't too much drinking so far because it is really far to go to a bar.  Starting next week they'll have buses into town at night.

Sounds as though you're really having a lot of dates.  Lots of kids up here have friends that go to the University of Buffalo.  I envy you for being there instead of here.   You're at least with friends you've been used to all your life.  That's more than I've got.  It is really hard on me mentally (if you only knew) to know that these kids are going to be my best friends all through school.

Well, at least I'm not in the sea of depression I was before.  I really do like school and everything.  I'm becoming more and more serious about my work and trying hard to become creative and I just hope I can succeed.  Write soon.