August 20, 1997 (Note Card from Connie)

Well, I made it .  It's been frantic here lately and just now have gotten around to getting in touch with people.

Started out just after Labor Day weekend.  Stayed over in Yellowstone (ripoff of all time), and then in Helena.  You wouldn't believe Helena these days -- really neat.   They've extended the mall, and there's all kinds of cute shops and cafes.  Had dinner at Bert and Ernies with Kathy Brown and a few of the old-timers.  (Not many are still there -- really bad problems at the State Library these days.  As always.)  

Got into Seattle late Thursday.  didn't have much time to relax, because Sunday we got word that my Aunt Petrea in California had died.  So we all packed up and ran down to Eureka.

Our family being what it is, the whole thing was more like a wake or a family reunion than a funeral. A lot of pulling closer together, and very few tears.

In between my various travels, I've been job hunting, of course.  No luck so far, but then it's early yet.  Might be able to latch onto a few short-term consultant things, until the "real thing" comes along.  Will keep you posted on that.

In the meantime, I've been gadding about, seeing people and spending money as if I had it.  And trying very hard to put up with good ol' mom, and with the fact that all my stuff is packed away (including my books -- argh! -- my stationary -- everything!)

Will be taking a European history class in October, and I'm trying to get into a ceramics class -- so I can throw some pots, and make my Christmas presents this year.  Haven't seen any films lately, but my cousin Peter has shamed me into reading some good books -- like Dos Passos' U.S.A.  Will let you know about that one when I get into it.

For now, I'm relaxing, soaking up the rain, and enjoying all the good things of Seattle.  And there are so many!

June 4, 1977 (Letter from Connie)

Well it certainly took long enough, but I've finally come to my senses.  I'm moving back to Seattle September first.  Probably won't have a job but I'll get one.

I'm so unbelievably calm and confident about the decision after having been so frantic.  'Smarvelous!  This choice is so right.  It's time to go back, and I think I'm finally ready.

Other than that no unexpected news, really nothing more to report.  Drove to Nebraska for Memorial Day to see some cousins there.  My brother and troup hope to get into their new house by Christmas (but that's what they said last summer!)   And the kids are growing like weeds.  Pam is talking about switching from the enormously unsuccessful real estate to legal secretary or some such.

So pal, you blew it.  You had your chance to come just half a continent to see me, and come September you'll have to go the distance!




Bringing Up Baby was on the tube a bit ago.  Love it of course.  But the channel that cut the stateroom scene from Night at the Opera of course cut the scene where Cary Grant has no choice but to flounce around in Hepburn's negligee -- another of the classic scenes of all time.  And because of a thunder storm, had a transmission failure, and missed what must have been the dance number in Astaire's Flying Down to Rio.  Crud.  I just don't live right!

I'm so silly.  Getting so excited because three months from now I'm finally going to take positive action.  But I never said I was spontaneous.

Anyway -- take care of yourself.  Hope you're as calm and clearsighted right now as I am!

May 1, 1977 (Letter from Connie)

Got your lovely, long letter today.  Always so good to hear form you -- and you write such nice, sane, chatty letters.

Actually, my lame excuse for not having written before (except that that last glowing Seattle) is that I really didn't have anything to say.  It's true now, too, but I thought I'd write anyway.  About the only thing that happens to me here is that I'm either more or less crazy.  At the moment, a bit less.

That trip to Seattle was a brilliant stroke.  It was absolutely unplanned.  I just did it.  I'm still living off the glow.  I had the good sense to take some pictures this time.  So now I can look at all my pictures when I get down, to remind myself of my good friends who really care.  Nuff of that.

Well, while you long to be another Cliburn, I just try to play chopsticks all the way through. Naturally, sometimes I go for weeks without touching that piano and at others I play for hours.  It's creative, and relaxing, and I do enjoy it.  Can only play slow, uncomplicated things, when I can figure them out.  Still going quite solo on it, never have been able to get anyone here to help me. Whoops!  That is not a cut!! The people here are really nice, but not easy to get close to.  I ask my friend Mary, "Hey, wouldn't you really love to give me piano lessons?" and she laughs and says she's sure I'm doing just fine.

But when I get back to Seattle... Everything is "when I get back."  Undoubtedly building up all kinds of false hopes and self-promises.  Watch me.  I'll run back there, find I'm miserable there, too, and then have no where left for me to...Hmpf.

Let me see now.  Spend most of my Saturdays at work these days.  There's so much to do, and it really is great therapy.  Besides, I've got this hang-up that I can't go till I get done -- that is, can't pack up and leave altogether.  And I've been reading a bunch of trash, have to put Irving Stone's The Greek Treasure (about Heinrich and Sophia Schliemann) in that category -- atrocious writing, stick figure characterization -- but a terrific story.  (But then I've always been entranced with the ancient Mediterranean cultures.)  You've heard George Benson's Breezin' with "This Masquerade", I'm sure; I finally got hold of it and play it constantly.  Oh -- and it's been raining here -- and I mean raining.  Almost 2" Sunday afternoon.  Everything's been greening up so nicely -- it's just incredible.

May 5

Hmm.  Got sidetracked and whatnot.  That's OK though.

Did I tell you the latest installment in my epic adventure, "Looking for a Job in Rain Country?" Well, I'd sent a bunch of resumes to Washington State offices.  One of them wrote back that I'd have to write to the State Personnel Office.  Did that, and got a reply from them that they considered only Washington State residents!  Aargh!  Got on the phone, and after a bit of red-tape hassle, ended up talking to the personnel office of the State Library (where I should have started, of course).  The bottom line is that there are, at the moment, exactly three (count 'em, three) library positions open in the whole state, and one of these is Lura Currier's old job as head of PNBC, the bibliographic center.  They said they'd keep me on file, blah, blah, blah -- you know the old story. I'd said that I would not get discouraged about such dismal prospects -- then promptly went off into a real self-doubting trip.  I'm better now, of course.  I'll just have to be totally fatalistic about the whole thing and try to have patience.  If God wants me back in Seattle, he'll get me there.  He's taken almost spookily good care of me so far, and I'll just have to trust that I'm not forsaken.  Besides, my psychic said I'd be firmly back by Thanksgiving.

Did you see the Nixon-Frost interview?  Wild.  Have kind of a hard time following old Dick through all his tangents.  An interesting point hit me over the head, watching him this time.  All his big concerns, the things he "wanted to do for the country" had to do with foreign policy.  China.  Israel. The arms race, and so on.  Not one word for domestic issues:  unemployment, the economy, or anything else, but that just means that these were his most conscious concerns.  (I swear -- he's our American Napoleon.)  He fascinating -- innately corrupt, and very paranoid.

Well, should close off and get back to my piano.  Fully intend to turn from simple arrangements of popular songs, to simple arrangements of show & classical.  If I can find a good book of them.  (Ah!  A splendid excuse!)

Now don't let my long silences keep you from writing to me.  My silences are a reflection of my laziness, and NOT my concern.

Geez -- just remembered -- did you turn down an offer from H.W. Wilson, or did you choose not to apply?  If you turned down an offered remind me to throttle you next time I see you.  Indeed, NY is a big apple with big little green worms -- but anything at H.W. Wilson would be a real coup.

So, my layback friend, take care of yourself.

April 9, 1977 (Letter from Connie)

Part of a double-bill at UConn.  (Hope the print wasn't this bad.)


Are you still out there?  I haven't heard from you in a beastly long time. (But then it's probably me who hasn't written....)

March was kind of hysterical for me.  I don't know why really, and I do dread getting my phone bill.  So on an absolute whim, i decided on Wednesday at 10 pm to fly home that Friday night -- if, (I bargained with myself) I could get my filthy house cleaned up.  I can live in a filthy house, I just can't leave one.  (You never saw anyone more so fast!)  So I took a week off, charged the flight, and ran like hell, home.  Had to be there:  the daffodils and cherry trees were in bloom, and it was my birthday.  And I wanted to go home.

Had a very good time.  I"m always so sane there.  Here I'm just out of synch, out of step -- and almost mad.  There, I have quiet, silly, comfortable times with friends, or just easy times shopping, walking, or doing almost nothing.  A few days there charges up my batteries so I can face Wyoming.

Got my resume whipped into shape and sent out a dozen or so to likely Seattle places.  And I have friends keeping a watch out for me.  Talked to the Weyerhausen people when I was there, and I have a phone interview Monday with Batelli.  Love my job here, and they've been so good to me, and easy to work for that I hope I'll be able to come to a good stopping place before I go 0-- and give them enough notice to fill my spot, too.

Caught a beastly cold the instant I landed back in Denver on Monday a.m.  I'm just now starting to recover.

Aargh!  Got my hair cut in Seattle, too.  And shorter than I wanted.  Everybody likes it; I'm not sure.  Love my long mane, and I'm not sure about "the short perky look".

Did I tell you I always had a black thumb?  Seems it must have been neglect more than anything, because I'm having good luck with my new plants -- they're growing like crazy -- especially my coleus and variegated ivy.  What a surprise.

Still feebly pounding away on the old piano, and making horrid sounds.  But I also love it.  Will buy a piano when I move home.  Have to.  Did I tell you I want to buy a house and get a little dog and the whole bit.  I'm tired of virtually living out of a suitcase.

Went over to our beach place for a moment last week.  Sad to see the cabin all crumpled, but it's still a restful place.  Decided to build my house on the beach -- looks like the only halfway stable place left.

That emergency trip to Seattle was the smartest thing I've done in a long time.  I feel now as though I'm over the crest and on the downhill side -- that the rest of my time here will be quiet waiting to go home -- and not the hysteria I'd had before.

So pal, if you had any ideas of visiting me you'd better hurry.  I will be home by fall.

Take care of yourself, Paul.  And keep those cards and letters coming in.  Love getting furious and murderously jealous of you for all your fun in Boston and New York.  Boo!!!

So drop a line and let me know how you're doing!  And i you've in Seattle (God's country) we'll go see Tut!

2nd feature

December 31, 1976 (Note from Connie)

Gee -- I just wrote, didn't I?  So what's this?   Just in the mood, I'spose.

Thought of you this morning when I sat down at the piano.  Went to Seattle (of course) for Christmas and had a frantic, terrific time (of course).  But I didn't have any chance to play a piano there.  Except for my 4-yr-old niece's toy piano -- bleech!  Managed to squeak Chopsticks out of that -- how it hurts the ears.  I tell ya, my out-of-tune piano sound like heaven now!  Got a new piano book for Christmas -- what fun I'm having!  I remember when I first got the piano I really had to struggle to get any "music" out of it at all.  But it goes easier and easier all the time.  I don't' play well, and I can't go fast at all, and I still have trouble counting out the beat -- but other than than Rubenstein move over!

Trust you had a terrific Christmas surrounded by family, as it should be.

Have a really good New Year -- full of good times and dreams come true.  (You eve gonna make it out this way?  -- better hurry -- I'm not gonna be in Cheyenne a whole lot longer!)

Take care --

December 11, 1976 (Letter from Connie)

I really hadn't written, eh?  Well that shows you how bonkers I really was.  The problem boiled down to the fact that after being so far from everyone and everything I most love, for so long, the idea of being even further away, and apart, upset me.  As awful as it sounds, I would look upon the Eiffel Tower with empty emotion.  Huh.  Looks just like the pictures. I was upset and confused, and upset and confused about being upset and confused, and on and on.  Was a bummer.

The job still goes well.  I got frustrated because the cataloging goes so slowly.  But when I have to be reference librarian, cataloger, cataloging clerk, circulation clerk and page, all rolled into one, what can you expect.  Can't seem to catalog more than about 75 books a week, and that's too slow.  Did I tell you that I've published two subject bibliographies?  Really didn't have any idea of the enormity of the project, when I first took it on.  Well, now I know.  To do a really complete job is very time consuming.

Ran to Seattle, of course for Thanksgiving.  Had a really terrific time, as always.  Ran around trying to see everyone, go everywhere, do everything.  I really get strung out by the end of the week, but of course I love it!  There's so much to do there, and nothing here I really care to do.  Odd, what?

But then, Wyoming and I walk to the beat of different drummers.  After a year, I don't really have what I could call close friends.  Oh, drinking buddies, and people to go to lunch with, but not people who just come over, or to do silly things with (like playing pinochle til 3 AM, or to have a mock English tea with.)  For the longest time I thought it must be me.  But the weirdest thing happened the other day.  Get this.  My friend Terry and hubby and six year old son were all born and raised in Wyoming (about 200 miles from here); hubby graduated from the University at Laramie; they've lived in Cheyenne about about two years; son goes to preschool here.  Both Terry and Rocky are young, personable, cheery people, good partiers (an important thing here), into things like church, and clubs, and classes.  All the ingredients for knowing everybody, wouldn't you say.  (This is a long story, so hang on.)  Well Terry was talking about going up to Sheridan for Christmas, the other day, and the problems they'd have with the animals.  She didn't want to put them in a kennel, and she was worried about leaving enough food out for them for the week.  But couldn't you have someone come over to feed them, I asked?  Well, Cathy (Terry's cousin, who lives in town), is going to be gone that week.  The dog doesn't like strangers, Terry said, and she was afraid the dog might bite someone.  GOOD GOD!!  Do you realize what that means?  Other than Cathy, there's no one in town the dog knows well enough not to worry about -- and that means that Terry and Rocky don't have any really close friends here either.  What a mind blower.. It's not just me.  The rhythm of Wyoming, at least as I've been able to understand it, is that you know people, and party, and go places, but emotionally at least, all but family keep their distance. And I mean, almost literally, blood family.  That's not what I'm used to at all, and up to now it really confused me.  I'm used to people becoming very close, relatively quickly:  with someone you really click with, after just a few weeks, you're running back and forth to each others houses, raiding each other's refrigerators, you pop over for a minute and stay all week because everyone's having too good a time to leave.  Just that whole nonchalant relaxed scene.  It was always like that for me in Seattle (and still is), and it was becoming that in Montana by the time I left.  Getting bit by the family dog is the very least of your worries:  when he barks, as sometimes happens, it's just "Oh shut up, Samm -- don't you recognize me?"   I kept wondering why no one called, why I never felt that the climate was receptive for me to call, or to over, or to invite folks in.  I kept thinking it was me.  No.  I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with this, it's just the way things are here, that's all.  But now, knowing that, it's easier.  I'm not saying I'll stay, but at least now I can flow with a little easier  Until I can leave.

I really love that card you sent.  Don't recognize the scene -- it is "Bringing Up Baby?  Only saw that once, years ago.  If it's not that one, must be something rather like it; one of those marvelous silly romps with Hepburn-Grant (one of my favorite teams).  I'm still so envious of you with all your access to great films.  A few show up here on the toob (shopped all to hell).  And there are a couple of good movie house in Denver, but that's 100 miles away on often iffy roads.  Would you believe I'd never seen "King Kong"?  Caught half or it on TV last night (the last half) - -most interesting.  My friends her think I'm really odd because I won't see stuff like Earthquake, or The Omen, and prefer GWTW or King Kong, or even Bambi. SO I'm weird, so what?

When I was home at Thanksgiving I had a marvelous 4-hour lunch with an old dear friend.  Again people here think it's really odd that I could enjoy spending that much time with a person 50 years old (she was a high school teacher of mine, and has since become one of my two or three Most Influential People, like Ethel Hill).  Ah, what a good time we had (at Boondocks, as luck would have it).  Just to have the time together.  She said something too, about time, that I must pass on to you.  She said that it's commonly said, and most people think, that the most important thing we have is our health.  Health is important, surely, but the most important things is time.  Time to think, to enjoy, to be with the people you most love, to do what you most enjoy.  Health is important only because it gives you the time.  How obvious of course, but I'd never really thought about it quite in that context before -- and how suddenly that idea jerks everything into focus.  It isn't just a cliche -- life is too short to spend minutes, let alone years wasted, wasting the time. Oh, I've gotta get out of here.  The years I've wasted here, off in the boondocks, away from all I hold dear.

In that same line, I talked to Lynne Stevenson the other day.  She's now at Carroll of course.  We agreed that three years in the wilderness, cut off from everything is long enough, is enough dues paid to our profession, enough apprenticeship.  Now it's our turn to get instead of just give.  She'll be quitting Carroll, moving back to the coast, and going back to school in the summer.  And I'm determined to move back to Seattle late summer or early fall.  (Time is short, because of all those Rocky Mountain passes I wont' drive over in the winter with everything I own in the backseat of my Volkswagen).  Unfortunately I can't very well live in Seattle and keep my terrific job here.  So I'll just have to try and find something halfway as good.  I'm going to start looking after the Christmas rush. It's out there somewhere, I know it is.  And I'll find it.

Now you'll probably be thoroughly disgusted with me for this, but here goes.  (But then again, you probably would understand.)  In the ever present search for easy answers, and always  being afraid of making the wrong choices, and wanting the future known and not stumbled over, I went to a psychic in Victoria B.C. over Thanksgiving.  Pam had gone to see this woman before, and had been helped and impressed.  I'd felt I was drifting and stagnating at the same time, anxious about choices made and to be made.  And besides, I figured it would be cheaper than going to a shrink. So I went.  It was terrific.  Whether she read my mind and told me what I wanted to know, or what, I don't know, and I really don't care.  From her at least I got the illusion of objectivity (which you'll never get from friends), and it all sounded great.  She kept saying that I was a very strong person, one of the strongest she's ever met.  (I'd been told that before, by friends, but always thought, this insecure, indecisive lump is "strong"?  Come on, now...)  But maybe I'm stronger than I've thought. And she said, of 1977, that it would be a very good year, with things popping all the time.  That I would move back home, and have a great job, with more money and more responsibility (ugh!) , but that I would be able to handle it much better than I think I can.  So.  (She' didn't say I'd meet a "tall, dark stranger", but she did have good things to say in that line, too!)  All that I really wanted was a pat on the head and a little encouragement to keep me going,k and that's what I got; just a nice objective, You done good so far, just keep going, and, What was good will stay good, what was bad will get better.

(Good grief, this isn't a letter it's a tome!)

Am jetting off the 18th for Christmas.  (I make a decent salary, but Continental Airlines gets it all.) Besides the usual rushing around seeing people, I have all my Christmas shopping to do in three days.  I never get stuff here, it's too much of a mess hauling all that on the plane.  And I refuse to spend four days driving, so I fly.  Pretty stupid, wouldn't you say, to spend all that money flying Thanksgiving and Christmas?  I agree. Fun though!  It's common knowledge that I just plain don't have good sense!

Was just reading through your letter again.  I feel bad that the job isn't going so well anymore.  We both know how impossible the public library thing is anymore.  Hey, just had a thought (and tried to call you -- do you have a phone?)  I know of a public library job in Bremerton, Wash.  A friend of mine is leaving her job there to get four months vacation as a school librarian, so her job there, (or lat least some slot there) will be open, at the Kitsap Regional Public Library.   You could contact the head, Irene Henninger 1-206-377-3955.  Or you could always go back to Montana.  People don't seem to last long there, so there's usually a pretty good turnover....(a joke, a joke).   Would you like me to let you know if I hear of any PL jobs?  Fortunately or unfortunately about the only places I have any contacts are Montana and Western Washington.

As for that piano thing, I'm not very good, although I enjoy it immensely.  But then, considering that I've only really been playing since April I'm not too bad (flattering friends insist that I have natural ability).  I mark it off an enthusiasm.  As for duets, well I do play a mean duet at chopsticks....

As for reading, I go literally months between books these days.  Just can't get into it, or much of anything else these days besides TV and my music.  Sounds dreadful, don't you agree.  I have a bad case of ennui--

My favorite Mae West line is "When I'm good, I'm very, very good, and when I'm bad I'm TERRIFIC."  What a marvelous line!  The best I can say about my letters is that once I start I just keep going, but I have a hard time starting.  In other words, don't wait for me to write, please.

Take cre, and enjoy your Christmas with your family.  And we're going to have to make a point of getting together for those duets!

P.S.  Please forgive the typing, but you can't blame me for the spelling. I have a poorly educated typewriter.

November 6, 1976 (Letter from Connie)

How long has it been since I've written?  Ages, I'm sure.  I did write you after I got back ro Europe, didn't I?  I was bonkers for a long time after that, so I'm really not sure.  I'm much better now.

I'm going to Seattle for Thanksgiving, and of course I'm all excited about that.  Wrangled a couple of extra days off, so I'l have a whole week there!  I'll be frantically busy -- as always.  Seems an old high school pal is getting married, (which, knowing her, is a real shock!), and I'm going to a psychic in Victoria B.C.  The former will be a drag, and I'm really looking forward to the latter.  Pam had gone to see this woman, and she really helped her.  So a friend and I are going.  It's cheaper than a shrink, and maybe I'll find out whether there's any hope at all, or whether I should just snuff it and be done with it.

I know you've heard this one before, but I've decided to move back home.  Enough of this "seeing the world" jazz.  I've got rain in my very blood -- and sunshine just doesn't make it.  Right now I'm kind of targeting next Labor Day.  That would make three full years of Rocky Mountain winters and owing my soul to Ma Bell.  And that's enough.

Let me see now, what else have I been doing?  Ran to Nebraska to see some relatives over Labor Day. I'd always thought of them as being half a continent away -- and they are, from Seattle.  But from here it's only ten hours on the road.  I'd never been out there before, and it's fun, out on teh farm.  And how things change:  one cousin now has five kids (what a madhouse), another (Lorraine), has two kids, is divorced, and works as a welder, and then there's dear Little Allen. Last time I saw Allen he was a 12 year old nurd.  He's now 6'6" and gorgeous.  And he's my cousin -- BOO HOO!  Dammit.

I had some friends out from Seattle in October, so all has not been too bleak.

Oh!  News flash.  Talked to Lynne Stevenson in Helena.  She's now at Carroll College, and the State Library is as always, degenerating even further.  But the news is that Kathy and Ray Brown has split!!  Talk about a shock.  Got a card from Kathy sans Ray the other day -- just a "hi -- how are you" -- and I 'spose a note that they're still in the land of the living.  Geez -- out of all the couples in teh world I had them pegged to giggle and drink beers together for all eternity.

What did you think of the elections?  For the first time in my life I backed a winner!  And whatever else you say about the Georgian, he won't be dull.  I was a little worried though:  did you hear that a dictionary publisher somewhere, in preparing the new edition, had put an entry in for Carter as the 39th President.  Guess he did that when J.C. was 35 pts. ahead.  But when it got so close I started fearing for that edition -- but what a collector's item -- kind of like the Sinner's Bible -- you know the one that has:

"Thou shalt not kill
Thous shalt not steal
Thou shalt commit adultery"!

As for me, boredom prevails.  Been working some more on the piano.  Have now gone, on a scale of 1-10, from 0 to about 2.  Enjoying it enormously, though.

Did you see "Play It Again, Sam" on TV the other night?  Hadn't seen that one before.  Super film! So of course I've been going over my Casablance book for the last two days (its full script with all stills).  What a film!  And GWTW is coming to TV.  What a sacrilege!  I read that it will be split over two nights -- 5 hours of film and 78 minutes of commercials.  Saw it here in Cheyenne a couple of weeks ago -- how it holds up.  And Clark Gable has got everyone else in the world topped.  But on TV -- no.



Finally saw "M" -- it was on PBS a couple of weeks ago.  Blessedly it was in German with subtitles.  (Don't have enuf German to follow it -- but I really dislike dubbing.)  Powerful flick -- and a fearful omen (in 1931) of German fear and mobishness.

"Read any good books, lately?"  I haven't.  Been reading Ceram's "Gods, Graves and Scholars" -- would you believe I hadn't read it before?  And just finished my annual fall read of the Stewart Merline books (Crystal Cave, Hollow Hills).  And in a few weeks, when the world is all bleak and it feels as though winter will never end, I get to re-read the Chronicles of Narnia (for 5th graders) and then the Tolkien trilogy.

Gotta go -- getting writer's cramp.  But I'm surviving.  Sort of.

Take care, and keep in touch.

June 27, 1976 (Letter from Connie)

I feel about two inches high.  I'd started a letter to you a couple of weeks ago, got sidetracked (due to one of this spring's jaunts), and found the #$%*&% unfinished, unmailed letter this morning.

So looks like I owe you some catching up for the last few weeks.  Went to Seattle over Memorial Day.  Tried to eat and drink my way through town, and see everyone, go everywhere, and do everything in three days.  Stayed over for a fourth, still hadn't made it, but by that time I was so exhausted I just went home.  Did manage to see my pals and my family.  My brother and his wife have bought some land (5 acres!) way north of Everett, and are planing on building within a year or so.  Went slogging up through it.  It's way out in the boondocks which suits them very well indeed. Had a chance to see my old neighbor Anke and her kids (did you ever gete a chance to meet them while you were in Seattle?  You couldn't forget Anke:  she's German, about 5'6:, slender and beautiful.)  It was a lucky chance getting to see them, because they left for Germany for the summer that next Tuesday.  She's the one I'm to meet and travel around with.  My mom called yesterday to tell me that rumor has it Anke might not be able to find someone to take care of the two children for those three weeks, and so might not be able to gad around with me.  Egads but that drops the bottom out of everything.  Well, maybe not:  Either we'll find someone to take the kids, or I'll just pop up to England (grumble grumble: I'm not in the mood to go to England), or we'll take them with us.  They're not bad kids (Mark's 10 and Kim's 9, and very nice, smart, well-behaved kids).  Doubt that they'd be interested in going to the Louvre, or clamering up to the Parthenon, but then maybe they might.  Either way, something will work out.  Has to.  Things have been going so well for this trip that it really feels as though God wants me to go -- and that nothing and nobody can stand in my way.

Where was I?  Oh.  After I got back from Seattle (thoroughly exhausted), I hung around Cheyenne for three days, and then hightailed it off to Denver for SLA for four.  Stayed in the Hilton (La-di-da!) with two others, so the bill was not too bad.  16th floor:  terrific view.  I've been to better conferences:  it seemed a little disjointed to me.  All the good workshops were scheduled at conflicting times (of course).  But the exhibits were good.  Ran into a couple of people I knew from Montana, including Ruth Solli (sp?), Lavern Kohl's daughter who now is head of the Reference Room at the State Library (Lavern's old job -- that sort of arrangement is Alma Jacob's way.)  Ruth is preetty nice -- looks so much like Lavern you could faint.  But things seem to be going pretty well there.  Darleen T. is still head of BPH -- I don't know whether they're planning on getting a professional in for the job.  Lynne Stevenson has left, and starts at Carroll College in August. (Talked to Lynne a few weeks ago:  seems Dick Peel was hiding in the woodwork in Helena all this time, and only last month (?) finally dug himself out to make his way to Phoenix.  NOT Salt Lake City, as I'd understood.  Something seemed to have happened, but nobody quite knows what, and from what Lynne said, nobody felt close enough to Dick to ask what.  Hmmm.  Well at least he's off to Phoenix now.)

After SLA, rushed back to Cheyenne, and have been working my little fingers to the bone (sort of) for the last few weeks.  The job has its ups and downs and I'm just now coming up from a down. When I got back from Denver, my desk was piled high with so much housekeeping crud that it took me three days to get through it.  Really hate that kind of junk:  orders, circulation, physical processing of new books  shelving, SHIFTING (BLECHH!!!)  So help me, everytime I imagine I see the Light At The End Of The Tunnel, the tunnel caves in.  The cave-in this time was 1.  A monster annotated bibliography we're going to have published, and 2. Six new boxes of books that got dug out of storage that I had to find something to do with, and 3. Umpteen zillion little interruptions to hep patrons, to do subject searches, to mess with carpenters building shelves (and not building shelves), annotations of new books for the newsletter, and on and on, ad nauseum.

Thing is, I like my job, and I keep telling myself that it suits me perfectly, but I want to go home. This bit of being twelve hundred miles from everybody gets me down.  I have drinking buddies in Cheyenne, but I don't really have any friends here: nobody to call up and gab with, or drop in on, or run off to see a movie with.  Helena was much better in that respect.  And everytime I call someone "at my back I always near, Ma Bell's winged cash register hurrying near" (to mutilate Andrew Marvell).  I can't drive to Seattle, it takes two full days each way, and to fly costs close to $200.  The only thing any one wants to do around here is get drunk.  So I go drinking, but drinking's

You mentioned in your letter about that time we were at the Northlake Tav, and how you were feeling so apprehensive, and how at Horatio's you felt something was blocking your way home.  (I could feel something was wrong, that you felt uncomfortable, but I couldn't figure out what it might be -- it never occurred to me that it might be something like that mess at Deer Lodge.)  I mention that because I seem to be surrounded by psychic people.  My mom called last Saturday.  Pam had gotten this really awful feeling, quite suddenly, and ran frantically from work (leaving her purse in the process -- so like Pam!, trying to find mom.  The target of fear must have mom, because she'd been up t Mike & Benita's, had been feeling weird, and drove home about as fast as a snail. She got home all right, and Pam's fear passed.  They tired to call me, to see it I was the target, but I was off shopping, and they finally got hold of me that evening.  I hadn't had any vibes, or any problems.  I tell ya, it really makes me mad:  everybody's psychic but me.  It's not fair -- I can't even tell when the phone's going to ring!!  Well, that's not absolutely true. I get weak vibes once in a while, but only for good things, and only about me.  Or maybe it's just luck.  Who's to say.  And then I have a lucky day (very important things happen for me every year for the last four, no, five, years on this one day, or close to it, and I'm lucky on the 14th, and especially Friday the 13th. Hmm.)

Been running around frantically trying to get ready for my trip.  Got my ticket, my Eurailpass, my International driver's license (just in case), an American Express card (just in case), my passport, a 26" suitcase, and on and on, and I get my traveler's checks next week.  And then you wouldn't believe my shopping list, all the wile-you're-over-there-do-you-think-you-could-pick-up...would you believe:  a case of German beer, two German beersteins, a German aviator's hat (7 1/2), some liquor filled chocolate, three loaves of German bread, some Italian jewelry, and an inflatable Greek god (in lieu of the real thing).  And of course big-hearted sucker that I am I always agree.  Who'm I trying to kid?  I love getting presents for people -- can I bring you something?

So I leave July 6th, and will be back August 4th.  Finally got my flight schedule:  have to be down at the airport in Denver at 8 a.m.  YECHH!  Finally figured out that the only way I could get there would be to take the 4:30 a.m. Greyhound from here.  Tried to bribe some of my pals at work to drive me down, but couldn't con anyone into getting up in time to pick me up at 6 a.m., drive 100 miles and turn around and rive 100 miles back.  It was a good try.  And then, of course, the plane gets in here at 2:30 a.m.  What fun. Told you that there's now some doubt that Anke would not be able to gad around with me.  Really hope that's not true.  Had my heart set on going to Italy -- ooh -- been reading the guidebooks about all the things to see in Rome and Florence, and my God, Naples.  We'll see. We'll see. I'm fated to go to Europe this summer, but I just don't quite know exactly where.  So maybe I'm fated to go back to England.  Be interesting to find out.

Have I told you about my black thumb, about how I will kill every plant I come near?  Well, seems to have changed.  Got three plants last fall, killed two of them, but the third one is a hearty little fellow and he's still hanging in there!  Even had to transplant him yesterday because he outgrew his little pot.  He's called a pepperomia (sp?) or something like that, and he has these really fat leaves, and might even turn into a tree or some such.  I'm really quite amazed. Then I got cuttings from a couple of plants at work, stuck them in water, and lo and behold if they didn't get roots.  Almost fell over.  Stuck them in some dirt yesterday, and I'm kind of anxious to see what happens.  One of them (a Wandering Jew??) has little mottled green leaves and looks diseased to me, but through giggles at my horticultural inanities I'm told it's supposed to look like that, so I guess it's OK.  Haven't got the faintest idea what the other one is, but it has green and purple striped leaves and really looks neat.  Hope they survive.  But then I wouldn't lay odds.  (I'm having some people watch my place while I'm gone, so I won't worry about them.)  They'll probably be very healthy while I'm gone, only for me to come back and kill them.  That's about my speed.)

Let me see.  I haven't read any books at all lately (I'm getting illiterate) but have you see "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest", or "Robin and Marion"? Superb!  Both of them.  Very, very different of course, but both very good.  The romantic in me loves R & M.  Audrey Hepburn is so gorgeous I could strangle her.  Drat.  She is now tied with Garbo in my book as The Most Beautiful Woman Ever Known.  Do manage to see a few good films on the tube here.  Saw "The Philadelphia Story" (Hepburn-Grant-Stewart, 1940, director by Cukor), and last night caught "Viva Zapata" (Brandon, 1952) -- that is a terrific film, screenplay by Steinbeck.  I was very impressed.  Bette Davis' "Jezebel" was on last week.  Was not impressed, but then I've never been impressed with her.

My house is an absolute sty (in other words, it looks as messy as usual).  Before I went to Seattle I ran around frantically cleaning every inch, so I hope the same urge hits me before I go off this time.  It better.  I don't' mind living in a filthy house, I just can't stand to have anyone see it.

Went out drinking last night (my bon Voyage party -- at least the first one).  Shouldn't have:  my almost ulcer that was now intermittently is, once more, and it is not fond of alcohol.  And I will not have that blasted thing messing up my German-Italian[-Greek feasting.  Looks like I take my Malox...

Looks like I've about run out of steam.  Again I apologize for my forgetfulness and for my typing.  Take care, and keep in touch (don't be as lousy a correspondent as I am, that is).  Would you believe that I almost envy you in New England over the 4th:  I get to watch the parade down main street Cheyenne -- but at least I get to miss the Frontier Days rodeo!!

Take care -- I'll send you a postcard from wherever.....

June 20, 1974 (Letter from Tony)

Now I'm ready to write you a good letter.  My letter-writing was put on hold about 2 months ago as the end of the school year drew near and my creative energy faded away.  My exams were no big thing, but I find law school and the particular social relationships I've developed (or not developed) to be rather stifling.  My response to that is to move into an apartment by myself next year  and work hard first semester and then have only Tuesday and Thursday classes my second and last semester   So much for the distant future. 

Actually the character of events I was involved in in Berkeley was on the upbeat, but my mind set was such that I was not responding as fully as I would like.

I'm now into my annual summer coasting period, this year the place is Walla Walla, Washington.  I'm working with Prison Legal Services in the maximum security prison.  Let me back up a bit so you can grasp the fortuity of the events which led me to Walla Walla.  Before I do that, I'll back up a bit more and tell you about the visit of Michael and Liz.

Just about a month ago I was rushing through my studying as I could be done on the Wednesday before my exams started because that was then M & L were to come.  I had substantially completed my reading when they showed up.  It was really good to see Michael.  His cheerfulness is infectious.  It wasn't quite as good to see Liz.  Although she came across as being friendlier this time than at any other time I have been around here, she still has the knack of making people feel uneasy far too often.

I'm not sure if it's just that she is so incredibly jealous about Michael and anyone else or if she is always this way, even when she and Michael are alone.  I'm more and more convinced that she's always the abrupt, petulant little girl trying to be so serious and often stepping on the toes, unnecessarily, of those around her.

What puzzles me somewhat is why Michael is attracted to her.  Actually I can think of a number of reasons but none of them seem sufficient.

I'm firmly of the opinion that Michael should not marry her, that Liz has been and continues to be the major driving force behind their plans to get married, and her compulsion derives somehow from her Catholic upbringing.

While they were out here, they went to Sausalito to go shopping.  Liz's idea.  They went to a jewelry store to look at rings.  Liz's idea.  There was a $150 ring that fit Michael, although they had previously "decided" not to spend money on wedding rings, it was Liz's idea that Michael buy the ring.  Michael agonized all afternoon, going into the store, walking back to the car, hitting his head again the steering wheel, and then repeating the cycle. In the end Liz won out and Michael bought the ring.

I feel sorry for Michael on their wedding day.  I'm sure her parents are going to press for a major affair.

Michael can bring much happiness to those around him, he deserves someone better suited to his needs than Liz.  Well, I got a little carried away there.  I am still not sure what I should do, I'm tempted to write Michael a letter and explain why I don't think he should get married to Liz.  But that may only offend him, and would surely offend her and the chances of it accomplishing anything are quite slim.  But I think I must, as a friend.

Now then, on to cheerier things.  At lunch one day during exams Bill Chang, a friend and fellow law student, mentioned that he was driving to Seattle because he had a summer job there and he was looking for someone to come along because it's a long ride.  (20 hours by car.)  I like the idea of seeing Oregon and Washington so I said I'd like to.  We left on June 2, and had a very fine drive up.

For all my time in California I have been bothered by the weather, the rain and fog and cold in the winter and the lack of rain during the summer were just too unlike Buffalo and Colden for me to appreciate.  One day I asked Molly, a woman who lived in the same house I was living in, how she could stand the grass dying and the hills turning brown in the summer.  She looked surprised and said "I always thought they turned golden."  Oh wow.

Anyway, on my way up north I finally was able to take in the beauty of the hills and the dark green oak greets and the clear blue sky.  It certainly is what's "natural" there even if it didn't meet my expectations.

We drove up near the coast through Oregon and Washington.  The Coastal range reminded me of the Appalachians back East.  Extremely pretty, green tree-covered, gentle hills and mountains.

It was raining when we drove into Seattle.  And it continued for the next two days.  Bill was a big glum about moving to a city where he knew no one and he was a bit apprehensive about his job.  I decided that Seattle might be a decent place to live for a summer and I knew I would enjoy living with Bill.

I went to the placement office at the Univ of Wash law school and could find only one interesting sounding job, with Prison Legal Services.  I was eligible for work-study and they wanted someone on work study.  So I called them up, they said come in this afternoon for an interview and I did and they said you've got a job if you want it but the first part of the summer you'll have to go to Walla Walla.  I thought about that overnight.  Bill went to work that day and found the job to be quite easy with several very nice people working there.  And we had found him a fine studio apartment.  That plus the fact that Walla Walla sounded like it was quite different from any place I've ever lived led me to accept the job.  I was to fly to Walla Walla the next day with one of the attorneys coming to Walla Walla for some big thing.

That evening Bill and I went up the space needle just before sunset.  Mt. Rainier, even though it was 90 miles away, was huge and snow-covered.  The Olympic Mountains, quite substantial ones to my surprise, were between Seattle and the ocean and it was over them that the sun set.  It was just tremendous.

The next morning I flew from Seattle on Cascade Airlines.  Cascade is smaller than Mohawk was.  It schedules no flights on Saturday   0.  Walla Walla has been very pleasant and relaxing.  It's well irrigated and has trees but not much in the way of excitement.  I flew back to Oakland to get my clothes etc.  While I was there I scoured all the used book stores in Berkeley and bought 4 of the books you recommended.  So far I've read A Cool Million and What I'm Going to Do I Think.  I liked the early chapters of A Cool Million, it got to be a bit too much after that.  The second book I enjoyed very much.  He was able to capture many of the emotions I've felt but never have heard described.  The other two are At Play in the Fields of the Lord and The Journal of Albion Moonlight.  I'll be working here until Aug 10th or so, then head back to Colden, Columbus, Pittsburgh, Albany, Boston, and New York.  I'm thinking of getting an Ameripass from Greyhound, I could travel by bus for 1 month.  It costs $189 and would get me back and forth and all around.  Let me know when you graduate and where you'll be between Aug 10th and Sept 1.  See you soon.