First -- a burning question -- have you yet found your comb? (Imagine Tweety being ill-groomed -- it definitely doesn't fit the image.)
You asked me to comment at length on the change in your letters since September...actually I don't know what the difference is, but I'll try. You spoke of often dropping a subject too soon before you've finished with it. I think you did that more then than you do now. I don't think you are consciously being secretive, either, but it's a natural thing to do, I thin. Also, I think it's just that there's always a loss of concrete description about whatever it is that's closest to our hear and spirit.
Sometimes when I'm writing something down that I feel deeply about, all the words come into my mind at once and I don't ever get them all down and once they're gone they never come back. So I have to either try to improvise a general feeling, or just drop it. Do you know what I mean? And after that you can "ponder these things on your heart" forever but only you will know what you feel.
So, I don't think you're being secretive. Lots of times I say things that are really only approximations of what I really want to say but what can you do? You just try to approximate as closely as you can, I suppose.
As for your looking too deeply into life -- never can anyone ever, I don't think. There are just such a vast number of levels that although we can never get to the core, it would be so dull to just take everything at face value. You are right to attempt to avoid this as you said -- I mean why should the majority be correct? When were they ever before?
As for your being a "lone wolf" -- I really think every man is by virtue of what has been said above. Each person has so many levels of feeling, intelligence, etc that it is simply impossible to communicate with another, Even the solidarity of man's nature (if, indeed he even has a common nature) can only go so far to let him touch others. It's very frightening to feel alone like this, to me, anyway -- does it scare you?
There are times when we all really want and actually need to be alone to sort ourselves out but sometimes don't you feel that when you're with someone who understands you to a great extent that you can see more of yourself as a result of interaction with that other being? T hat's what I meant in one of my early letters about needing people to be around. (And also what I meant by the levels of others we would never ever know about -- no matter how long or well we knew them.
I sometimes think language is a detriment to man -- a wrong turn in evolution. I hate the philosophy people who concentrate on this aspect of man and argue semantics and logical equations back and forth. What is it their hope to accomplish? What can they possibly understand by all this?
I feel that primitive man must have lost some of his gift of communication by touch, look, smell, etc when the first word was uttered. Man may have developed a communication of souls and spirits if this had not occurred. Do you think I'm crazy? Just think of all the empty words we waste on each other when -- (if our minds develop on this way) we could someday discern a really deep level or two of another person by just thinking of them or something. You know? Well, anyway -- look at me and all the words I'm wasting.
I've got to get ready for work now -- so I'll stop for awhile.
25 April, 1975 -- Hello. I just got back from Shadyside and since I had to wait in pouring cats and dogs rain for exactly 45 minutes for a bus (achooo!) I'm not making myself a cup of tea and honey (no sugar, please notice) and I'm writing to my good friend, tweet.
I spent over $25 on weaving yarn. I'm such a disgrace -- (almost as bad as Paul Nelson when he's in the vicinity of a record store, huh?) I just couldn't resist all those colors and textures, and since it was such a dreary day today, they looked even more tempting. Oh well, I have to make some wall hanging -- three of my friends are getting married in Sept. On Sept 6th Ange and Rich Miller are getting married (not to each other). Since one wedding is in Phila and the other is in Trenton I guess I'll have to miss one of them and since I'm in Ange's; the choice seems already made. I really feel obligated to make something for Rich since he made me a really nice wooden box with a tapestry top in October. The funny thing about this is that Sharon (a girl to whom Rich was once engaged) is also getting married -- two weeks later. It's odd for me, since none of my friends are married -- now, at least, I'll have some company (although it's not a case of "misery").
I'm sure that you're asleep by now -- so I'll shut-up about the above.
I've been wondering -- do you look the same as when I last saw you? I do hope you still have your beard and mustache. I think you look awfully nice with them.
Today I also went to Oakland and had to go to Pitt's bookstore. It certainly has changed! (for the worse -- less interesting stuff) while there I saw Immroth. He's looking very nice and lots healthier.
The reason for my being there was to pick up my "MLS hood". I had to buy one for work (it's such a farce -- I have to dress in academic robes for graduation and several other functions so I decided to buy the thing for $15 instead of renting it for $5 every time they have something (which is quite often). It's funny, how the less truly good a school seems to be -- the more value they place on the rituals. They have all sorts of "Honors Convocations" to pat themselves on the back for every little award that a student might receive. They even have everyone come who has been accepted at grad school! (Of course, this may really be an achievement since they are now getting away from SHC and will have reason to shout joy!
By the way -- what ever happened to those sample journal entries that you were going to send me? I especially remember you mentioned ones that you'd send separately which intrigued me. I'd still like to see them. (If you'd still like me to see them.)_
Anyway, take care.
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