October 5, 1974 (Letter from Tony)

The foregoing (photocopied letter) was written awhile ago but I figured I'd send it along just to fill you in a bit.

I'm finding that living alone has a great many advantages.  I now must assume a great responsibility over what I'm doing with my time and my future.   It's very comfortable to have others around to play with whenever one wants, but it can also be very restrictive.   Now I can do things with others if I want to expend some effort, so my social outings are now much more selective and, consequently  consist of doing what I want, when I want to.  I guess I've never felt more free than I do now.  My classes this semester were purposely arranged to fall mainly on Tuesday and Thursday and consist mostly of those subjects that I'll need for the bar exams and haven't as yet taken.  Conceptually, the main three are quite simple and my time can be spent more on the remaining course, Lands Use and Development and the Sanctioning Process.  The latter is almost an undergraduate style course, but with a major paper requirement, Land Use is the most interesting of my courses because it ties in most directly with the city planning area of the law that I expect to go into when I graduate.

This is my last year of school!  Grades now mean less than the little they have meant, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  This contributes to my sense of freedom.

I guess it's all the factors mentioned about, plus a certain amount of wisdom gleaned from the Dark Ages of the past two years, which have put me in my present "high on lie" state of mind.  I've been experiencing a joy, that I thought had been lost, in just walking or shopping or talking or being with others, yes, even in studying.  I feel confident that whatever lies in my future, I will be able to appreciate it.  I'm also quite confident that I will get into something I will enjoy as  work, whether by luck or skill or perseverance.   

When I was home I went to Lilydale with my mother, my younger sister Bonnie and Harvey.  I guess that you've heard of the place.  It's a spiritualist colony just outside of Cassadaga.  We were directed to Mrs. Isabel Ferguson by my aunt who used to go there frequently.  I was invited in by Mrs. Ferguson.  She didn't ask my name of any questions, just started out by telling me that she saw that I was going to law school in California.  Her powers of seeing the situation each of us was in at that time is undeniable.  She told Harvey he was looking for a job, saw that he had a former connection to law, etc.  Most impressive.  If her powers of seeing the future are as good then I have another reason for feeling confident.  She told me I'd live long and be very lucky.  She gave me names of people I'd meet etc.  She told Harvey he'd get a job along an ocean coast far from Lilydale.  If old Harv lands a job on the west coast, my future is golden.

Have you ever read any of the works of Celine?  He's a tremendously powerful writer.  I'm reading Death on the Installment Plan and it just sweeps my mind from its mooring in this torrent of dreamlike scenes.

Now then, here's the plan.  I would like to come up to Deer Lodge for a visit around Thanksgiving time.  I'll be looking for a ride up anytime after Nov. 20.  Our vacation is Nov 28 & 29, and with only a few classes being missed, I can extend that to about 1 1/2 weeks.  What's really tempting is the prospect that I could, after Thanksgiving, not come back here, miss only 2 weeks of classes and then not have any commitments until Jan 8, the day for my first final.  More pragmatically  I could come back here by Dec. 1, then fly to Buffalo Dec 12 and stay until Jan 6.  But anyway, let me know if you'll be around Deer Lodge from Nov 20-Dec 1, and if I could come visit OK?

Enough for now.  Take care and write back with your usual promptness.

December 5, 1973 (Letter from Michael)

I have owed you a letter form some time now; sorry I haven't gotten around to it.  (For about two weeks after I got your second letter I carried it back and forth from work to home to have when I had the chance to write.)  So I'll give you the typical response of having no excuse and then give you excuses...I mean explanations.  Largely, almost entirely, that is, my life consists of working six days a week.  Nights and Sundays I seek amusement or, more often, fall out.  Work is OK but having little free time really gets to me.  Actually I wouldn't mind the lack of free time so much if there wasn't such a lack of money.  And that wouldn't be such a problem if my damn brother would ever open his store.  Do you believe that it's not open yet?  It's almost 4 months since the lease was signed.  But my brother does things full-assed.  His idea is to set the store up entirely, make it look beautiful, perfect, get all the stock in before opening.  That's fine if you can afford it.  But we're not quite in that position.  What he could be doing is selling stock while he's working on the interior, etc; but he doesn't believe in doing business that way.  Therefore with regard to that store money is going going out, not a bit is coming in.

Other than that, life is generally good.  Liz and I go to movies now and then, out to eat, or walk around.  We're living apart officially; essentially we're together 90% of our free time.  In some ways though it's good to have separate apartments as we can be apart when we want to.

I see Dennis 2-3 times a week.  He drops into the store to bullshit around.  He quit personnel work and is now selling insurance for John Hancock.  In fact he and Donna have really gotten into the middle class lifestyle.  They've gotten quite settled and bought all sorts of new things -- car, stereo, couch, table.  More than the accumulation of goods, which like the stereo I wouldn't mind having, though is their attitude.  I can see that they are almost on the verge of being trapped into the their mode of living.

Harvey can't stand any of us anymore because we're not acting like the hippie freaks we're supposed to be.  Up to a point I can relate to that.  But I know that I am working not because I want to but for basic survival.  In fact I have in no way compromised my ideals, beliefs, or desires for personal and social change.  But I fear most people can't live totally as they might wish.  What's critical, I think, is to make every effort to maintain one's beliefs, standards, principles, etc., even while one is forced by society to make certain apparent compromises.  (Is this making sense?  I am sort of rambling on, talking off the top of my head in between occasional customers.)  As well I constantly look for ways to help work for the changes which our society needs; although lately I have not been able to find movements or people with whom I desire to work.

Meanwhile Harvey has stopped attending classes and believe it or not is looking for work on a newspaper -- possibly with the Courier in Buffalo.

The other night some friends of mine at Boston College Law School asked me to be a witness for them in a mock trial.  I was a minister who was suing the defendant for libel -- he said I had misused church funds, smoked marijuana, and drank alcohol -- generally caroused around.  Well, it just wasn't true.  I was on the stand for almost 2 hours (I had had to memorize a bunch of stuff, make up the rest) and we won the case.  I sued for $50,000, won $10,000, but my lawyers said that it all goes to lawyers' fees.  C'est la vie.  But it was fun and interesting and I learned a bit about legal doings.

Well, that's it for now.  Please write when you get a chance.  Hope you are well, not working too hard, and more importantly hope yo might get an opportunity to come up and visit.

July 5, 1973 (Letter from Tony)

From the top of the Pine Mountain Ski Jump

Well, it's been awhile, hasn't it?  I'm in Colden, living the good life (i.e., the lazy life).  I decided against going to Colorado and now an interested in going to Warren.

I'll try to set things out in chronological order.  Exams took up my last 2 months in Berkeley.  I did a good deal of studying, Be in the library and only the presence of some friends there with me saved me form total isolation.  Hard times really do bring people closer together and we provided entertainment for each other.  I did OK on the exams.  I won't find out for sure what I got until August.

Our last exam was June 2, an looking back at it, that seems very long ago and very strange.  I never really got to feeling like Berkeley was my home.  My worlds are built around people, and places take on meaning only by my going through experiences there.  Walking across the U.B. campus was exciting because I could think of all the many things that happened there.  I guess this past year was a necessary base-building year both with people and with the location itself.  I certainly hope I can move more actively toward establishing my world out there next fall, it's got a long way to go.

Anyway, I left June 5 in a station wagon with 5 other people and 2 dogs.  It took us 2 1/2 days to get to NYC.  I really enjoyed the trip, I had enough time to sleep and sightsee and even though we went US80 across there were things to see.  Wyoming and a sunset in Nebraska were high points, also seeing green hills with trees growing when we got into Indiana and Illinois.

Dale, Barb, Tony at Lake Spread Eagle

I stayed at my sister's and we did many good and expensive things.  We saw "A Streetcar Named Desire" in Lincoln Center, ate in a fancy restaurant, rode the subways, etc. etc.  I really enjoyed it, my sister is very good at entertaining me when I go visit her.  Of course she enjoys it too, she usually doesn't spend her money so lavishly.

I called Maddy and saw her one day.  She was supposed to play in a tournament and I was going to go watch her.  Unfortunately, the one she had been entered in was held the week before.   So on the way back we were thinking of things to do and we decided to go to Boston.  So, I stayed a few more days in Brooklyn at Rose's, until she got called for a flight to London, and then Maddy and I went up to Boston to see Michael and Liz and Harvey.  It was a good time.  I'll give you the details when I see you.  I then went back to Brooklyn for a few more days and finally after getting a somewhat frantic call from Jim Holmes I came to Buffalo by bus.  I was at this time still planning on going to Colorado with Holmes.  I came to Colden for a day, for Father's day and my mother's birthday.  Then I spent a week working with Holmes to get him ready.  He leads a very complicated life, and he had been working for 4 weeks getting things ended up and was not nearly done.  He's going to be a visiting prof next year at South Carolina and in Australia so he had to finish things in Buffalo.  He had to rent his house, paint it, sell his furniture, pack for the trip, pack for South Carolina, clean up, get his horse ready, rent his horse trailer, fix his truck, etc. etc. etc.  After a week I said I've had it.  It was much too complicated a situation for me.  I had agreed to go on a vacation, not spend half my summer finishing up Holmes' loose ends.  Also, I had reservation about getting along with him for an extended length of time.  He is very domineering and I, although, quite passive, can only take so much.  The deciding factor was Colden.  I hadn't been here much since I went to U.B. and I missed it.  My mother was quite sick this past winter with bronchitis (that was the preliminary diagnosis from her hospital stay in March) I figured it would be a good idea to be around to do the heavy work she normally does.  And finally, I wanted time to visit my friends.

Paul in his Penelec hardhat

While I was in Buffalo, I saw some people and it was good.  One day I was walking down Main St. and Tom Szczesny came riding by on his bike.  It was good to see him.  He's contemplating going to Berkeley in the fall.  Later that day, in Park Edge, I ran into Jeff Greenwald.  They were both nice surprises.

I have been out here for almost a week now and it's quite pleasant.  It's been awhile since I've been as relaxes as I am now, certainly not since last August.

I'm planning a bike trip to Warren Pa. via Lake Chautauqua to see Ralph.  What days do you have off?  Would any particular time be more convenient than the rest?  Could I stay at your house?  Please send answers with your reply letter.

Kenny and Lauren's wedding

Clockwise from lower right

Herb Kleinberger, Tony Szczygiel, Eric Barr, Paul Nelson, Kenny Tuchman

Are you going to Kenny's wedding?  I'm planning on going, it would be nice if we could go there together.

Well, that's enough for now.  Write back soon.  Anytime you fell like coming up, please do.  You have my address here, the phone # is 716-941-3292.  I shall be seeing you soon.  Take care.

August 13, 1972 (Letter from Kenny)

Hi asshole!  How the fuck are you?  I'm sorry I haven't written but I've had a lot on my mind until recently.  To make it short I got into Univ of Penn and I had a big decision to make between Penn and NYU.  I was going out of my mind as I'm sure you can well imagine.  I called all the big firms in MY and they said the schools now were pretty equal because NYU has come a long way.  I went to Phil to talk to the people there and all in all I still came up with a deadlock.  I talked to one guy who said he had the same decision last yr but went to Penn because they gave him more money (the reverse was true in my case).  I told him I was really caught up in the Ivy League mystique with Penn and went on for about 15 minutes about that.  He said the Ivy League really wasn't that important so I asked him where he went as an undergraduate, and naturally he said Harvard.  I decided to go to NYU at first because I knew people going there and figured I'd be comfortable.  After thinking about it though it seemed stupid because I'd be going to be with people I wasn't that crazy about and for 3 yrs I'd stagnate with the same people.  So I'm going to Penn and meet all new people and although I don't think I'll do as well as if I'd gone to NYU whatever I lack in that respect perhaps I'll make up as far as being a more well-rounded person.  I got a single in the dorms and I'm trying for one with a semi-[private bathroom.  School starts August 29th which is a real kick in the ass but what the hell.  I don't know my address there yet so you can still get a hold of me here.

I haven't gotten to Wolfe's book yet but when I do (hopefully soon) I'll write you my feelings.  I'm really glad that you seem to content with everything because that's really good.  Tony was in N.Y. yesterday and he and Harvey stopped over for awhile.  He's driving out to Calif in 8/21 and he wants to meet you at the Grand Canyon or something.  It's great to hear that he can go home now and that he and his father can get along.  It would have been a hell of a thing to go to Calif knowing you might never see your home again.  How are all the people in Warren?  I'm going to be a Pennsylvania resident now too.  Herb is pretty happy I'm going to school in Philly although at last report he's been meeting some people finally.  I saw Chris about 3 wks ago and he and Judy did break up although he seemed to be handling it pretty well.

Guess what?  Eric and Linda are engaged!?  Lauren and I went out with them last Friday to see Slaughterhouse Five and we found out rather unexpectedly.  They're getting married next summer.  This past Saturday (last night as a matter of fact) I went to a friend's engagement party and saw some friends from high school I haven't seen in 2 yrs.  It was really strange seeing kids I grew up with getting engaged.  Lauren really wants to get married next summer also so I don't know what's going to happen.  I want to in some respects but as of now I don't want to in other respects.  It's either next summer or the summer after but I don't know which, that's pretty scary too.

Slaughterhouse Five is a pretty good film and it's worth seeing if you haven't already done so.  I didn't read the book so it was confusing at first but it was well done.

I got tickets to the Stones concert for the last night of the tour (also Jagger's birthday).  They were pretty shitty though (behind the stage in God's country) so naturally I sold them and have regretted it ever since.  I'm not working anymore but just taking it easy and leading the good life.

Write soon if you can and let me know when you're hitting the east coast.  Take it easy and stay content (better word than happy).

June 15, 1972 (Letter from Chris)

I have an hour to write before I have to leave for work.  It has been a very hectic month since I've been home. I started work immediately at Ronnie's Steak House, and only got a raise to $3.00/hr.  Then I had a lot of trouble getting a day off which I needed.  They said no -- I said "fuck you".  They tried to punish me by taking me off the schedule for two day.s  I tried to tell them that I wasn't playing games, that this was now my permanent job, at lest for awhile.  They didn't take me seriously so I went to look for another job.  And now -- get this -- I am the 2nd Assistant Manager of Steak and Brew in Merrick, L. I.  $10,400/a year start -- 1 week vacation after 6 months -- 2 weeks after 1 year.  It's an interesting job -- nice people -- but long hours. I haven't seen Judy except to go to Herb's sister's wedding *which was OK -- no big deal -- stranger people there.)

Since I am no longer a lonely blue collar worker, I've had to start building up a collection of clothes -- so I go to all the cheapie sales -- shirts $2.99, suits $29.99.  Real fancy!  Huh?

I met a really nice young lady last week.  She was a waitress at the first Steak and Brew where I trained for two weeks.  The relationship started really fast - she was very aggressive.  For three days it built and grew -- and a day later she just went dead -- I mean -- nothing.  It was the strangest fucking thing that's ever happened to me and any girl.  But I should have expected it, because she was (is) very mixed up.  She tried to commit suicide last year -- she's all fucked up with her parents and boyfriend.  So now I haven't talked to her for a while, and I'm becoming more and more aggravated by what happened.  I'm not hurt - I'm just confused and would like to be able to understand her.

So what else is new -- nothing.  No dope here that is exceptional.  I have some really good grass -- never tires you out -- but I paid $25 for a rather small ounce.

Tony was down here visiting Harvey, and Herb, Kenny and I went out to a sleazy  bar with them.  Kenny hates his job -- Herb hasn't got much to say about his yet.

I'm still waiting for the last bills to come from Buffalo.  I got the rent deposit back -- $40 short for various reasons.  (Such as garbage removal, late rent, bad checks, etc etc.)  So it is likely that everyone will owe me some money in the end -- $5 or $7 or so.  I'll let you know later on.

I just sent away for tickets to the Stones concert in July.  I'll never be able to get them -- but at least I'm making the effort.

It's really a drag being out of school, and I get sick every time I think of what I'm missing.  However, I'm going to try to get up to Buffalo once or twice next year.

Boy, it's strange, but I thought I was going to have so much to tell you.  I really miss sitting around the living room like slobs and getting high every night.  Actually I don't miss getting high -- I just miss getting together with people.

Well, I'll try to write something better next time.  I hope you have a fucking great time -- and don't forget to drop a line once in awhile.

Be good!

June 6, 1972 (Letter from Kenny)

Well big guy if by chance you are reading this letter you must have made it to old sunny California again.  H ow are you doing?  How are the trip out?  I'm at work n ow and you can't possibly imagine how shitty it is.  All I'm doing is filing huge piles of letters day after day, sitting in a little corner by myself.  It's really getting to me and to think that I've only been working a week now.  Fuck.

Tony was in New York over Memorial Day and he and Harvey came over to my house one night.  Chris and Herb came over also and we all went to a bar and just shot the shit.  Tony is working in a crisis center in Gowanda 3 days a week and he owns 1/2 of a car (he split the cost with a friend of his).  I guess he is really looking forward to going to Berkeley.  Harvey is going to Boston which isn't bad either.

This past Saturday I drove to Paoli, Pa with Herb and helped him move into his apartment.  It's really nice, in a little suburbia.  He pays 165/mo for a 3-room apartment with air conditioning, dishwasher, garbage disposal, etc plus they have a pool he can use.  If you have to live in an apartment that's the way to do it.  From there we drove to Philadelphia, about 40 minutes, and walked around the Univ. of Penn.  It's a really nice looking school and it doesn't seem to be in a part part of the city.  I might go there but they' have to give me some money for me to be able to.  As of now I'm going to NYU.  Herb started work yesterday and he's supposed to be home this weekend for his sister's wedding.  Oh yeah, he bought Lloyd's car (VW) for $1000 the day before Lloyd's wedding.  Lloyd's wedding was last Thurs and it was really nice.  The place was beautiful and the food great.  I was really drunk on champagne and tom collins before they gave daiquiris to everyone, then at my table we started passing around joints, holy shit, did that do me in.  Barbara's father was dancing around with a joint in his mouth!

Lauren is in Europe and will be there until the end of July so I haven't been doing a whole lot.  She seems to be having a good time. Jackie (remember her) called from Buffalo last week and said she's coming to New York during June, just when my mother will be in Europe so we'll see what happens.

Chris fell into a lucky break.  He happened to get a job as trainee for asst-mgr at Steak and Brew Restaurants (like Scotch and Sirloin) and he's making $10,400/yr! for 50 hrs per week (6 days).  He works hard or says he does although I haven't spoken to him recently.

I better get going so write if you can. Take it easy and have fun(?)

October 5, 1971 (Letter from Tony)

It's about fucking time that I wrote to you.  I am really sorry that I haven't written yet.  I've started a number of letters lately and haven't finished many.

Well, let's see, since I last saw you in the beginning of August I have:  hitched to Boston.  It was good.  Hitching was remarkably quick and fun.  I saw Mike, went up to Maine for a few days (his father owns property there).  The whole thing was nice but a little too relaxing.  I saw Maddy for a day, we toured Cambridge and then went to Boston Common and Boston Garden.  They are both great.  They were shooting a scene from "That Girl" in the Commons when we were there.  Coming back I got a ride from a 50 year old engineer who owned his own company and then from 2 AWOL Navy guys who were going to Detroit to visit one of their girlfriends.  They were really cool, they kept pulling out a bottle of Scotch to celebrate every 100 miles or so.

Back in Buffalo, I spent a lot of time with Christine and a lot of time working at Sunshine House.

I've gone through a lot of changes of feelings toward Christine.  (I met her at Sunshine House.  She is an occupational therapist at the Cantalician Center and might be going to UB in Jan.)  Sometimes I feel really good being with her, sometimes I feel that I'm forcing myself.  I've only known her for a little over 2 months and we've really moved quite quickly.  The speed of the whole thing coupled with its novelty and my own insecurity have led me often to doubt what was going on.  Right now I feel pretty good about the relationship, I just have to take some sort of an activist role to keep expanding and widening it.  It was due in a large part to her that I took your room. The need for some sort of privacy (especially having my own bedroom) is much greater now than before.  Now, if we want to make love I don't have to worry about my roommates coming in.

It was really a tough decision to leave Allenhurst.  I didn't want to miss the closeness of living with 8 or 9 other people.  I really did enjoy that.  There was always someone there to talk to and people to do things with and we were important to each other.  But I figured after last year, here because Harvey and Mike Engel, who I would have been living with, were stuck way on the end, on Oxford, and they have freshman guys living next door.  Way it's a bad place.  I thank you for going and staying in Calif (that sounds stupid) how about I'm glad I got the chance to move in here.  (Better)

I enjoy my freedom a lot.  I don't have classes and as of yet I'm not working.  I have no set times for anything. It was great when school started and everyone came back.  I went around and spent a lot of time with people like Dennis, Donna, Iris, Maddy, Ralph, Elise, etc.  It was fine but they, for the most part, were slowly bummed out.  (I really learned the meaning of that phrase when Mike Kanter and I went out to Huntingdon for a day.  Boredom is the main ingredient.)  Especially Maddy and Iris; living with Dennis and Donna was tough cuz neither of them has a boyfriend and they are on LaSalle and somewhat isolated (as I am here and you were out on Tonawanda Creek.)  They are very very depressed, nothing they do excites them, they feel that they have few friends, etc.  I felt really bad because they were so depressed, and there wasn't a lot I could do.  I mean my sparkling wit and personality and my terribly creative mind can only be stretched so far.

I'm getting a little annoyed with them because neither one has come to visit me here.  It's tough adjusting from last year to now.  Before there always was time and the place to talk things over.  Now, a conscious and definitive action has to be taken to go see them.  I'm no longer an integral part of their lives, like we were all an integral part of each other's lives in Allenhurst.

Harvey is very bored and not very satisfied with his new roommates (he and Mike Engel were put in with 2 transfer students and a freshman).  He and I are still close and all and I don't feel uncomfortable at all with him, whereas with Iris and Maddy I fell very self-conscious.

There are blind steps and groping of our exile, the painting of our hunger as, remembering speechlessly, we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, a door.  Where?  When?

As you might have guessed I'm reading "Look Homeward Angel".  I've been reading it for a long, long time. No concentration and no time.  It's such a beautifully written book.

Last week I went to Colden and camped out from Tues nite to Friday.  It was fine.  I spent a lot of time walking around and just trying to catch up with myself.

The week before I rode my bike to Springville (40 miles) and nearly died of exhaustion.  I'm so out of shape, I've been playing tennis.

Sunshine House has been doing at least one fine thing of late.  We've been going to concerts, setting up a tent and operating during the concerts.  We get in free and we helped a lot of people that way.

There was a concert on Rotary Field, an all day thing and we were there.  It was pretty poor. Cactus (boo, boo, hiss) was the second featured group.  Savoy Brown was pretty good.  There was about 8 groups there, Long John Baldry and Al Kooper.  We shared a tent with the performers and got high with them.  It rained near the end of the concert.  It seemed sort of fitting.

The day before, Saturday was "Celebration" in War Memorial Stadium with the Blues Project, Taj Mahal, Sha-na-na (they were great), J. Geils, Box Scaggs, and the Paul Butterfield Blues Band.

The concert lasted from 2 till past 12.  The weather was great and so was the music.  Paul Butterfield was incredibly good.  I missed Boz Scaggs because I was in the tent.  We were much more organized at this one and did a fine job.  Also the music was much better than the last one.

Sunshine House has been pretty much a dominant force in my life for awhile now.  I try to keep a little distance just because too many people there (at least two) have made the whole thing into an ego trip and it's really messing them up and it's not helping the house.

We just got funded through Community Action Corps by the Student Association.  We got $8,500 and I'm treasurer.

October 15 we're working at the Blood Sweat and Tears concert in Kleinhans???  Who could possibly bum out for $4-$5-$6-$7, unless they would because of those prices.

Ok I shall wind it up now.  Speaking of money, I think I owe you $ for the deposit you made here.  Yes?  If so, please tell me how much and I'll send it to you in a couple of  years.  You're last phone bill was $5 so I paid Herbie cuz he paid the bill so please deduct that from what I owe you.   Okee dokee.

Well, write again if you get the chance and always remember the immortal words of a great California intellectual, they serve as a source of inspiration in times of need, "Let's shine this left over garbage on."

A couple of weekends ago there was a meeting of crisis center people from all over N.Y.  It was at Buff State and it was really good.  Afterward about 40 of us went into a dorm room and smoked and drank Southern Comfort, scotch, and 6 kinds of wine.  We were on the 4th floor and security was on the 5th so we broke up early.  The first 4 floors of hi-rise are closed to dorm students cuz of faulty construction.  Have you ever heard of Dr. Bronner's soap?  It's supposed to be peppermint flavored.