December 7, 1976 (Note from Tony)

This will be just a short note to confirm your reservation at the Puritan Lane Hilton for Friday, Dec. 11, 1976 and possibly for Saturday Dec 12-- for a party of two.

I'm sure you'll enjoy our delightful oceanside resort.  Past cards & t-shirts with our insignias will be available at the main desk.  Pleases -- not pets or children.

If you have any special needs which we could arrange to fill please let us know at least two weeks in advance.

August 4, 1976 (Letter from Tony)

Here I sit in my Colden retreat, stretching time out to at least four times its normal length.  It's only been one week and 5 days since I finished the rather exhausting grind of the New York State Bar Exam.  and yet that experience has passed through the normal holding ponds of recent memory and is now firmly bedded in my long ago past..  I can't recall any other experience I've had which grew so old this quickly.

My position here is a familiar one, yet not one that I am completely comfortably with.  I guess mainly it's the rapid change from being a decision-maker leader in Binghamton to being a well-fed cared for son in Colden which I haven't quite accepted fully.   Not that it's bad, I do so enjoy being here.  But there is a touch of anxiety every now and then.  It's almost sinfully irresponsible to be here relaxing & reading & sleeping & playing & eating.

A portion of that anxiety can be attributed to the uncertainty of my future.  Do you see the incongruity, Paul, where here I am with all my immediate care provided for, being rather dependent & removed from the hustle & bustle "real" world while I sit & contemplate how I'm going to structure my immediate future. I could just go on relaxing here for some time unless that [illegible] propels me into action.  But a life decision made here would tend to be rosy-colored and may not look so fine in the bright light of coming reality.

But I carry on too much on this.  I expect to stay here at least another week, then I'll trek on to Boston by way of Springfield.  My stay will be more certain when I speak to the unemployment people on Tuesday next.  But now I expect I'll be in Springfield Aug 11, Wednesday.  I may stop in Binghamton first or I may do that on the way home.



My blueprint for the near future is this.  I want to get a seasonal job -- full time for 4-5 months. This, surprisingly to me, is not much accepted in the lawyer world.  Anyway, I then would want mid April til October free to do some vegetable growing.  In this period of 6-7 months I'd be working only about 20 hours a week in April-May & then about 10-12 hr/wk thereafter.  I should be able to grow enough vegetables for myself and several others -- and if I fully commit myself I would become a vegetarian & provide most of my food for myself.  Some of my inspiration from the book -- Living the Good Life -- by Helen & Scott Nearing, wherein they describe their 20-year experiment of living on a Vermont farm & providing their year's livelihood in only 6 months.

This would then leave me up to 2 months free time to do some legal work or travel.

The idea of part-time work has always appealed to me.  It remains to be seen if I have the courage and determination to carry it through.  Enough for now.

February 24, 1975 (Letter from Tony)

I shall start this letter out with something that has almost become a trademark of my letters, an apology for the lateness in coming.

Let's see now, last I talked to you I wasn't coming to Deer Lodge because the gas tank on the Ford van was leaking.  My, that was a while ago.  After that I had two more weeks of classes.  I flew to Buffalo and stayed there for Christmas, went on to Boston to see the gang there, flew back out here, had my exams, went to Lake Tahoe to gamble and ply in the snow, started classes again, continued working, got a new apartment for $55, a car for $250 and screwed a round a bit.

I am in the midst of my last semester exhilaration.  Strange how it works, when I'm in a situation I like, the last period of time is one of non-enjoyment as I regret the fact I have to leave, e.g., Buffalo and Walla Walla.  However, when I find myself coming to the end of a less than terrific era, e.g., law school, having the end in sight makes my situation much more enjoyable.

I have classes that are conducive to doing work and I am doing work.  Some of the classes are interdisciplinary in nature, law and economics and law and criminology, and this tends to be more enjoyable.  Straight law can be deadly and stifling too.  Straight law school can be much the same.

With my car I can explore more of the state before I leave.  I hope to go to Death Valley while the spring flowers are still blooming.

Come June I know not what I will be doing.  Possibilities abound but certainties are scarce.  My head is turning more definitely toward the Wast, with Boston as the focus.  It shall be a test of patience and discipline for me not to rush into anything.  My preferences are being worked on now. Come on feet, don't fail me now.

How's life progressing in Deer Lodge?  I've been watching the temperatures in Butte and Helena, they've been over 23 much of the time.  How does that compare to Deer Lodge?

I re-read One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and I'm just so impressed with that book.  Kesey's description are marvelous.  I'm going to see the play over in S.F. tomorrow.  I doubt that it will top Tom's performance but I thought I'd give it a chance.

Well, I leave off now.  I do apologize for the delay.

December 20, 1974 (Card from Barb L)

Hi there!  It's Christmas in Montana and in Warren, Pa! as it's only a week away.  I think I better start getting it together.  Haven't done any shopping yet or anything.  I hate to part with my meager moneys,.  I guess Mardi wrote to you -- there is no news of course.  Rick was here for a week deer-hunting.  He had fun but didn't get a deer.  He never even shot his gun.  He made it back to Boston in a record 9 hours.  Compared to Timmy and I's 18 hours with the U-haul.  My car is still chugging away -- right now it's getting another minor repair -- the clutch pedal cable broke.  They're all minor repair but they all cost money.  I sound like Marti Graves now!  All business.  I think he must be mellowing or something -- he's really been pretty nice.  He even talks about other subjects than golf now.  Maybe Matthew has done it.  I've babysat fo rhim a few times and he is really a doll.  Of course, Yolanda is crazy about him.  So life goes along here in Warren.  I've been hangin around like a lazy good-for-nothing and loving it.  Doing nothing doesn't bother me -- I must be weird.  But it's get a job time after Christmas.  My rucking landlord sent me $8.50 for the return on my security deposit.  He's about $70 short but writes it off as "expenses".  As unbroken record of lousy landlords -- my lucky star did not shine on me during this year in Boston!  This next year is going to be a definite improvement -- I can feel it?  Have a good holiday up there (?) (I know you're "high") -- drop me a lone and I'll dust off the letter paper and get one out to you.

November 3, 1974 (Birthday Card from Barb)

Gibson Park, Great Falls, Montana

Photo take September 1974

Rather late for your birthday -- thought about you though!  Hope you had a fine day.  I got your letter while I was down in Carver this summer --- many changes happening -- I'm leaving Boston at the end of this week -- don't think it will be the East Coast in my future.  I'm going to Warren on Friday the 8th -- will stay there till after Christmas.  And then -- who knows -- could a girl, a dog, and a cat visit you sometime in '75 without getting snowed in at the pass?  I'm serious!  I will write to you when I get home.  I am open to ideas, suggestions, or whatever you have to offer.  Take care.  Are you coming to Warren for Xmas?

Birthday Card Note from Mardi (October 24,1974)

First English Lutheran Church, Great Falls, Montana

Photo taken September 1974

Any snow yet, we are just recovering from our weekend of "snowbound".

Happy birthday to you!  Almost forgot what this card was for!

Glad to hear your job is going well.  It looks as if I maybe in the job hunting market.  I will hopefully be in at Struthers.  As much as I'm spoiled just "hangin' around", but I am looking forward to the 8-5 drag -- would you believe?

Called Barb Sat and she's moving home.  She's giving up Boston.  Hope her next move is her final move.  You never know what may come up.

Mike called my mother also this weekend -- it was 79 and "balmy".  BLAAAA!  Guess he's alright who knows?!

They've started working on the old Turner building and they should be in at the end of November and the plcae should look great.  Hope business is the same!!!!

Have a good day and will write again soon.

I'm getting some pictures made ot send to you.  Take care.

February 27, 1974 (Letter from Barb)

Today is Ash Wednesday and that means spring and that leads to summer and I can't believe it!  I'm sorry about my seine of time here and also about my lack of correspondence -- I have no excuse except the usual (for me) -- constant hassle, I have seldom experienced a more unproductive and hassled six months -- I think the problem originated w/ my not listening to the right voice about a year back when I was making some decisions.  I haven't had the right strength to get thru this shit positively her e-- I really got royally screwed my by landlord and was forced to move -- I don't even want to go into it.  I'm living w/ Terry and Kathy (from Humboldt Street) in Charlestown -- moved Sunday and Rick helped me move.  The place is not bad although the building looks like a firetrap from the outside -- the apt is OK and you can't beat the price -- $98/no including heat between the 3 of us.  The neighborhood is families but very industrial -- no trees or grass that I can see, it's right near the Bunker Hill Monument -- that's the only cultural find so far.  I have generally lost all my enthusiasm for Boston w/ the bad luck I've had this time.  It's amazing how things can work out so well as they did before when I lived here and so shitty as they do now --  as you can see, I'm not exactly thriving -- fuck it.  I can't blame the city -- I can only blame myself for coming back here when I knew I shouldn't.

New subject -- Harry says hi -- she likes being in the new place cause she's never alone - Terry's cat is her buddy.  The reason I'm writing this now is that I want you to call Teddy -- he's in Pittsburgh now for a few more weeks before he goes out to Columbus -- I talked to his cousin and he said Teddy's been working hard and doesn't know anybody is Pgh so maybe you could call him and offer your services in getting ripped together -- I'll give you his # when I get home to finish this -- I'm just leaving work now. More later.

Hello again -- here's the # -- 824-4300 Ext. 325 -- he's staying at a Quality Inn in North Versaillies, wherever that is, wonder why everybody's ending up in Pittsburgh -- breathtaking Gateway Center -- Greyhound station -- I wish I was back in Pgh and could start all over.  I would have thrown the finger at Seton Hill long before I did!

How ya doin anyway?  It seems to be getting toward the end -- do you finish in June or August?  Then you'll be one of the few professionals among us -- (professional what?)

Have you heard from anybody?  I haven't.  How about Michael?  Is he still not talking to his father?  Hey, Timmy's taking karate at home from Tom Handest's wife -- this is his activity now - he's still not over Rita and is laying low.  Daddy's news is that Jeech is missing -- nothing new -- he always takes off now.  Of course Mama doesn't go anywhere.  Nobody has any news these days.  I haven't heard from the Graves -- no late bulletins on the state of the house-building.   What can I say?  I'm not in tune to these people anymore.  I threw the I Ching Sat nite and put "nourishment" -- in mind and body, rejoin your own kind and the opposite was restraint -- no hard restraint now.  I guess it is the time to be connected to people again -- the cycles always go away from or toward people -- would be nice to break out of the cycle altogether -- now that would be progress!

Write soon and take care -- if you do talk to Teddy, tell him I said hi -- I wish I could come and visit you both -- I fell like going somewhere -- Duh,  no kidding.

P.S.   Terry and Kathy say hello, hello -- Terry's looking for a job again.

December 5, 1973 (Letter from Barb)

It's not my arm that's not functioning, but my head--  I've begun to write about 6 times, and I enclose one of my efforts (didn't), written, like the others in between moving boxes, suitcases, furniture, sleeping, eating, and working.  I haven't yet located my writing paper but I'm sure it will turn up.

I moved.  Y es, goodbye Humboldt Street and no heat, no repairs, and no food in the refrigerator.  In between I spent a week at Rick's (hassle, hassle, hassle!), and I'm safely ensconced in my own apt.  I like it even tho I have no idea how I'll pay for it every month.  It's really homey, w' high, slanting ceilings, a big back porch, 3 rooms and a bathroom on the 3rd floor of a house -- lots of trees around a field for Harry the dog.

Fact #2:  Rick and I have broken up again -- this happens once very other week.  Many problems which will never be resolved -- we'll probably still see each other-- who knows.  (or cares??)  He and his friend, Mac have a house in Roxbury -- nice house too.

Well, Paul, where do I begin?  Have things continued to develop or is your head settled down after each new awakening experience -- I hope I didn't violate a confidence by discussing this 23/ Rick at the time you letter arrived, to get a male point of view, much different from my own, I might add!  He seems to think that your real life history is only beginning, as far as feeling goes.  He doesn't see the danger that I see, but thinks that there is a long road to come, but isn't there for everyone?  (my addition)

I was reminded forcefully of my own feelings during certain vital, truly alive times, usually associated with unfamiliar places and new people -- the sudden closeness and warmth of just being with these people, who -- when you turn your mind back to it at another time -- seems to have lost the radiance and are only faces 2/ a remembered name and place.  But the chance is irreversible and no amount of looking back will change you back into what you once were.  The similarities in the feelings aroused are so great, I wonder if it's a universal experience, but perhaps only open to those who in a certain time and place accept the possibility -- ?  It's frightening to think about before it ever happens but while it's happening -- pure exhilaration.  Of course, my experiences were as "comprehensive" as what you have described -- I mean, including so many, regardless of role, sex, or personality -- I'd way you stepped off the board and right into the deep end.  The other end would be progressing from one individual relationship to another, keeping a firm control on continuity and becoming in a slow way a more complex version of yourself.  The old RATIONAL MIND -- no question of ever losing ego control.  Now there's nothing wrong w/ this way except there's all the effort of control and rationalization and always some regret.  Now, what you've done is the opposite -- total immersion -- a realization of a possible infinite #'s of new you's -- not rationally planned.  The ego is suspected (I wish I could think of another word instead of sounding like a text book, but you know what I mean!) -- but it will come back and try to establish it's own continuity.  Brought up as we are in this world, which worships the ego, we have no choice but to follow this cycle through.  No matter what continuity you finally establish in your ind, I don't think you'll fee any regret as to what's happened.  Even if you find yourself somewhere you never thought you'd be, you won't even want to be where you had always planned on being!  Duh!  So much for your head-- what about all the people you left behind in the old sphere of things -- do you really expect you can reach back and w/ your own power, just bring them along w/ your words and explanations?   You're welcome to try, but will learn something trying.  Here comes the danger -- are you willing to line in a sphere with -- at times -- non one else in it, for an undetermined amount of time?  Do we really want this kind of freedom, I mean not just the idea of it, but the living of it, this is what they wrote all those books about when we were in school and we read and said "Right on, of course everyone wants this", but when you find that no everyone wants it at all, what do you think?  You can stand there and watch as your friends drop into one niche or another, by accommodation, by marriage (no elaboration needed on this one!), by a lot of different ways and what is your choice -- to go on alone, or to keep what you've got but stop there and continue what you were doing and where you were headed before the question ever came up?

As for me to respond to you -- of course I still am responding in the old known way -- don't think words can ever really reach that part of another person.  What a frustration to find out that you so seldom reach anybody and hardly ever with words.   More and more now (from now on up to our parent's level -- or down?) -- people have a lot to lose by changing their course -- they have a balance worked out and it wasn't easy and they're not about to give it up for someone else's vision of how things should be.   Sad, but true -- it's like asking our parents to smoke grass and get into it they simply have too much to lose at this stage of the game and there's no guarantee!  You might not win the big game -- the way they are, they're fairly wise to say no. Think of that when you feel disappointed when people won't respond to you.  I will respond as best I can, within my own time and place and without any loss of my own balance, that's all anyone can do -- at the state we're at, no one is going to leave their own hard-won perception behind for yours -- this is life in the grown-up world.  It's not what we expected it to be is it?  We always thought we'd always be totally open to anything and you turn around and see your self limiting certain spheres out of your range forever.  I've said too much already -- I probably could have summed this all up in a line or two if I had the real clarity of thought you're looking for.  I'm only another one "on the way", like you.  I'm very interested in your thoughts now, after this amount of time has gone by -- if you don't write before Christmas, I'll see you in Warren then.  I'm definitely coming home for Christmas -- trying to get a ride now but I have reservations if I don't.

I hope this will serve as the feedback you wanted-- I'm sure you've heard from other people by now and maybe this will add something to their responses -- I'm glad you decided to write the letter -- it certainly was a "moving" experience.

Take care!

I've talked to Mardi  -- I've buried all my doubts for now and am just trying to gain some support.  (She wants to go out and see Bill!  No surprise, right?  I advised her against it, biting my tongue to keep from saying a lot of things, but if she decides to chance it, she'll do it I'm sure.  Joan and Freddie are now in Meadville, Pa -- one of their strings of Penna towns -- I have no address.  My brother Tim is at home working at the State, substitute teaching at Warren High (weird!) and buying a car -- his girlfriend, Rita, has never been heard of again after going down to Texas to see the Maharishi -- and I'm in old Boston fixing up a new apt. and going nowhere new I suppose!  Warren at Christmas should be interesting!

Now I'll end this -- happy holidays!

October 28, 1972 (Letter from Barb)

Just got your letter after the long abstinence of communication.  And I just got one from Mardi -- after a month since my mom died.   Of course I haven't written to anybody -- have been in a month long bummer which I hope is drawing to a close.  It was so good hearing form you.  I was feeling very isolated and alone in the world.  I had been home 2 weeks while Mom was in the hospital and was there all the time so I really got into the whole thing.  Timmy and Danny were there when she died -- it was like nothing had happened.  No big thing -- very quiet.  Just another routine thing in the hospital.  All the relatives were wailing away and we were calm.  Mardi called that nite because her mother had called her and told her.  I really didn't expect her to come but did wish that she would.  I was hurt to think she never even considered it.  I felt that she just didn't acknowledge the happening.  So there it is -- I have felt in the last year or so that Mardi puts Mardi first in all -- perhaps it's a lack in communication, and maybe it's just the hassle of living.  I don't know.  Friends don't stay the same in the "grown-up" world.  Joan was home the weekend after and it was really good to talk to her, believe it or not.  She and Freddie are really on the rocks -- she is considering divorce.  If you talk to her don't say anything about this.  She is not in too good shape.  Excuse the handwriting, but Rick and I are in the laundromat sort of hunched up on the window sill -- Sunday afternoon at the laundromat.  There is not much new w/ me -- Rick and I are still together but it's been rocky the last month considering my mood and the fact that I don't have a roommate anymore to help me support the apt.  Rick has been living there but he has no money.  I am really trying to move but it's hard to find something as roomy and nice as my place, only cheaper and in a nice neighborhood.  No such thing!  And I now have a car of sorts.  Our old gray Buick from home.  Rick and I brought it back after the funeral.  He had fixed it cause it wasn't running at all.  Now it runs but has no reverse, no drive, etc. etc.  All we have is low.  It's a lot better than nothing, I can conclude.  That has been one nice thing.

Monday night -- Long pause in between these installments.  I know I'm really not feeling myself when I can't even sit down and write a letter.  It's been very hard to do just that and this is the first in over a month.  Lucky Paul!  It's easy to respond to your rambling raps though. You are going through a phase but don't think it's shallow, youth pre-programmed and all that.  A necessary portion of your awakening into that grown-up world we are all so fond of talking about?  College senior restlessness?  Whatever you call it it's forward with determination -- doesn't seem to be the way.  There's no rush -- right?!  I remember coming to Boston 2 1/2 years ago and sometimes it seems like the blink of an eye -- other times like at least ten years have passed.  I of course do not feel that it is an end or a final place -- whatever it is, it's not here.  I would never be an inhabitant of all this continual motion.  But there's a life in itself here that it worth being attentive to.  Maybe you will find your place or your work soon and remain there -- who knows?  I've found that adulthood has somehow overtaken me in the midst of my travels so I'm at a different viewpoint than 2 years ago, 1 year ago, 3 months ago!  It's really sort of out of our power, so as you said, flow with it.

You also say you're noticing a distance between you and the people you're living among.  I think this is the point where people do go off in their own direction -- last year of school and onward, if it hasn't happened already.  Don't count on your friends to support you completely or to stay with you.  That's not in their power either.  They'll have their own focus and they, (he, she, etc) have to go w/ it.  So explains Mardi and Joan and Barb, Paul, Mike, etc, etc, etc!!  Your consideration of staying in Buffalo till spring sounds like it will be worth it -- you'll have time to think a little.  If your travel plans don't click you're welcome to try Boston, the Cape or the Vineyard -- 3 assorted lifestyles.  As I aid, you're welcome.  Wherever I may be, it till probably be one of the three, although by summer I don't believe it will be Boston.  I have even considered living at home for a few months in view of the circumstances -- I haven't pursued the idea very far I must say.  Getting a place outside of Warren wouldn't be such a bad idea for awhile.  Although the working situation there is really undesirable (???)   Did you know that Joan graduates in January too, and then she has to do her student teaching somewhere and somehow support herself -- like she said, because of Freddie she has no home and no money, and needless to say, no security.  Any encouragement for a too-early biracial marriage?  Thanks god Mardi and Bill didn't get married!  She says she is adjusting to Sue and seeing Bill, period.  That was the extent of the news.  She's mostly tied up with work and school.  I've got to acknowledge her perseverance anyway.  She also says she probably won't be home for Christmas.  I don't know why not but Mardi's mind bears no explanation.  I will be of course and also for Thanksgiving.  Will  you be there?  Warren, Pa and the 15,000 friendly folk?  Leroy Schneck ramblin on?  Scott Saylor socking it to em on WNAE?  It's all there, folks -- just stay on rt 6 and follow the crowd!

Well, I hope this has provided some enlightenment, enjoyment or news -- I really can't elaborate on how things are in old Beantown -- I haven't been paying too much attention to them.  But I am coming out of my retirement to go see Steve Miller Band and James Montgomery Blues Band Friday night and Judy Collins in 2 weeks.  I think it's money well spent.  Also, wistful plans of going to the Vineyard for a few days -- the winter's the best.  Nice and desolate and deserted.  Take care and thanks all over for writing.  Don't forget to go and vote for McGovern -- it's the only gesture we can make and I sadly believe it will only be a gesture.

See you next month I hope.  Don't work too hard at nite or you'll have your yearly shitty cold early this year!

Harry says a doggy hi -- she will probably be home too!

March 19, 1972 (Letter from Barb)

Heighdy-ho Paul Nelson how in the hell are you?  I'm sorry about not writing!!  I haven't written a letter since February and I feel like a jerk.  But before I go on -- do you know if you're coming over Easter yet?  Let me know now so I can plan our fun-filled vacation -- gala parties, dope dens, etc. etc.  I think I'm going to go home for the weekend after Easter since I have that Monday off -- some state holiday.

Do you plan on making the Annual Memorial Day Festivities and Chicken Barbecue this year?? I guess that's the only time we ever get together -- that and Christmas.  God, it seems like last May was 35 years ago!

Thursday 3/23.  I can't even get one letter written -- fate is against me.  I had just gotten the date written and the electricity went off -- so we were fooling around 2/ the fuses for awhile.  Everything always works so well in this house.   Not much news to tell you -- did I tell you "I'm in love again" -- well I'm going out w/ a guy anyway.  Since November -- I probably mentioned it to you over Christmas.  The more I know him, the more I like him, which is very strange and not the usual state of affairs.  One good thing (or bad thing? I don't know) it will do is keep me in Boston this summer instead of hitting the road again, as I've done for the last three summers!  I have 3 weeks vacation so it won't be so bad.  I plan to go to the Vineyard then and groove out on the ocean.  A summer w/out the ocean is unheard of!!  I'm back at Mass Mental since the end of January -- completely different than last year -- especially with my good buddy Meryl gone and all different people there-- except the crazies of course.  It's always an experience though -- now instead of Meryl I have Tony -- a guy who is a homosexual, active in  Gay Liberation, etc.  So far 8 hours a day I am getting a new slant on life and since he is very outgoing and frank about his life, etc.  He's a nice guy but very hyper -0- mostly because of popping pills all the time.  Oh, Boston is just a clean place to live!!  (And I got a good job too!)  How are things in Buffalo?? and school?  Harry says hi and she ants you to come visit.  We have a rabbit now, you can groove on -- it's a little baby and Nanse keeps it in her room -- just what we need.  All Harry wants to do it eat it.  Are you going to California this summer?  (What are you going to do???, etc etc ad nauseum!)  I just sent Mardi a brithday card -- she's 22 and I'm 23 and I'm freaking out.  (You're 22 too, right?)  I guess Bil is getting unemployment now -- I don't know what he's doing with his time (Al's).  Mardi was talking about them buying a car and coming home in May.  Memorial Day here we come.  I haven't written to Joan (everytime I think of it I just don't know what to write!)  All I want to know is how she's doing -- I keep expecting the worst -- I don't know why!  Like a divorce or something.  Any word from Michael?  He'll the The Graduate in a few months -- he, he.  We're all "students of life", yes, yes.

Write and talk to me ahilw when you have time -- and let me know about Easter, ok?  You can call if you want (collect of course) - (617/731-1058).  I wont' be going home till weekendn of April 14th.  Take care.

January 28, 1972 (Letter from Mardi)

It was good to hear from you yesterday!  I had just arrived home after an evening of "bowlerama".  I was going to write to you about three weeks ago and have been in a daze since then. School has me in a fog as usual.  But I actually look forward to classes to give my mind some mental exercise -- I really enjoy it all, which I've been trying to do for a long time.  Now whether I can pass or not will be another problem -- it's about this math class I have.

As usual, my Christmas trip back was uneventful!!!!?  Sure.  You definitely know the circumstances, that fateful Sun night.  I must say I'm sorry if I seemed upset but I was so fuckin pissed about the weather and how to get back I didn't give you a fond farewell.  After you left my mother and I managed to make a dozen phone calls and what I did was get a reservation from Jamestown to Buf and then from Buf to Mpls.   Then we got Tim Lucia to take me to Jamestown.  So just before I was ready to leave Mon afternoon the airport calls and says my flight will be half an hour late getting to Jamestown!  I'll still make my connection in Buf -- get to Jamestown and the flight is 50 min late -- so now I'm thinking "Shit, the planes are not going to make it!"  At 3:05 pm the plans lands -- I'm to be in Buf for my connection at 3:45 sharp -- I made it!  The flight from Buf to Msp was late getting in -- thank god!  Otherwise it would have been a mere five hour wait in the Buffalo airport!!!!  The flight from Buf took 2 hrs. because we were heading into such strong winds!  But I was home and had the ravioli heated by 6:30 pm.  It seems like 1 yr ago already!  I'm glad we got to see Tina and Rusty, that was about the only people I really wanted to see.  I would have like to have seen Mark but I don't have too much to say but hello, how ya doin?  I can't get to Joan, I'll never figure her out.  She seems to do everything backwards to get at her goal.  She doesn't want to go to school but she's going, she wants to settle down...  I'm glad she's going to finish anyway -- I hope.  I really didn't like old Freddy over Memorial Day -- he seemed very defensive towards me -- maybe it's my imagination but Freddy gave Barb the same thing.  I think everyone's "group" has dwindled down!  I don't' think any of us need as many people as we used to.  The few we have are close enough to love and "worry" about.  I'm one for intimate talks and walks, and stupid little tings.  But I like getting out as much as I can with the crowd, not among the crowd.  What am I babbling about?  I was thinking if I can get some money saved I could go out to Boston over Easter too.  It's just a thought though.  I want to get out there and see Barb and all the places.  It would be good a time as any I suppose!

Anderson quit his job!  Neat?  He's been "unemployed" for two weeks.  And boy is the money problem tight 00 just when we were coming out ahead -- he quits!  He was getting screwed on the job anyway.  Monday he finds out about a salesman's job at Grossman's Chevrolet.  IT really would be a nice job because he is so out-going and can really hand out the B.S.  He would have a car then too and other advantages -- like a paycheck!  He's been playing hockey about 4 night a week -- hockey hockey hockey.  He's had 1. a black eye, 2. a bashed up nose, 3. a stick across the mouth, 4. a puck in the arm, 5. a sprained thumb, 6. a cut forehead.  Every time he comes home I'm afraid to answer the door and find out what is broken. David lost 3 teeth last game and big goalie "Andy Anderson" got in a fight but Thank God the referee stopped it.  "He can flu......."  So, if that job doesn't come through it's taxi driving for awhile.  This spring we want to move and get a dog and all. But we are really going to have a bitch moving if we even find a reasonable place.  I want to stay in the same area though. I like the lakes and parks etc., which Bill could care less about!

Everything has been find though all in all!  The weather has been a bitch!  Could you believe -65 with the wind chill!  It had been that way on and off for the past two weeks.  I talked to my mother last week and she continues to talk of going to Florida.  If she does move down, which I am hoping, I am really considering the possibility of moving down there myself!  I love Mpls. and the city but------this weather!  The move wouldn't be for quite awhile yet.  I don't' think it would be a bad move!?

 Well I must close and get busy here.  Take care -- I love ya too honey.

Think we are going to see "Straw Dogs" tonight (or is it Dog?)  I don't want to see the ending.  Oh!  Finally read QBVII it was a good book, not as good as Exodus but good reading.  When it finally came out in paperback I had to read it.

October 5, 1971 (Letter from Tony)

It's about fucking time that I wrote to you.  I am really sorry that I haven't written yet.  I've started a number of letters lately and haven't finished many.

Well, let's see, since I last saw you in the beginning of August I have:  hitched to Boston.  It was good.  Hitching was remarkably quick and fun.  I saw Mike, went up to Maine for a few days (his father owns property there).  The whole thing was nice but a little too relaxing.  I saw Maddy for a day, we toured Cambridge and then went to Boston Common and Boston Garden.  They are both great.  They were shooting a scene from "That Girl" in the Commons when we were there.  Coming back I got a ride from a 50 year old engineer who owned his own company and then from 2 AWOL Navy guys who were going to Detroit to visit one of their girlfriends.  They were really cool, they kept pulling out a bottle of Scotch to celebrate every 100 miles or so.

Back in Buffalo, I spent a lot of time with Christine and a lot of time working at Sunshine House.

I've gone through a lot of changes of feelings toward Christine.  (I met her at Sunshine House.  She is an occupational therapist at the Cantalician Center and might be going to UB in Jan.)  Sometimes I feel really good being with her, sometimes I feel that I'm forcing myself.  I've only known her for a little over 2 months and we've really moved quite quickly.  The speed of the whole thing coupled with its novelty and my own insecurity have led me often to doubt what was going on.  Right now I feel pretty good about the relationship, I just have to take some sort of an activist role to keep expanding and widening it.  It was due in a large part to her that I took your room. The need for some sort of privacy (especially having my own bedroom) is much greater now than before.  Now, if we want to make love I don't have to worry about my roommates coming in.

It was really a tough decision to leave Allenhurst.  I didn't want to miss the closeness of living with 8 or 9 other people.  I really did enjoy that.  There was always someone there to talk to and people to do things with and we were important to each other.  But I figured after last year, here because Harvey and Mike Engel, who I would have been living with, were stuck way on the end, on Oxford, and they have freshman guys living next door.  Way it's a bad place.  I thank you for going and staying in Calif (that sounds stupid) how about I'm glad I got the chance to move in here.  (Better)

I enjoy my freedom a lot.  I don't have classes and as of yet I'm not working.  I have no set times for anything. It was great when school started and everyone came back.  I went around and spent a lot of time with people like Dennis, Donna, Iris, Maddy, Ralph, Elise, etc.  It was fine but they, for the most part, were slowly bummed out.  (I really learned the meaning of that phrase when Mike Kanter and I went out to Huntingdon for a day.  Boredom is the main ingredient.)  Especially Maddy and Iris; living with Dennis and Donna was tough cuz neither of them has a boyfriend and they are on LaSalle and somewhat isolated (as I am here and you were out on Tonawanda Creek.)  They are very very depressed, nothing they do excites them, they feel that they have few friends, etc.  I felt really bad because they were so depressed, and there wasn't a lot I could do.  I mean my sparkling wit and personality and my terribly creative mind can only be stretched so far.

I'm getting a little annoyed with them because neither one has come to visit me here.  It's tough adjusting from last year to now.  Before there always was time and the place to talk things over.  Now, a conscious and definitive action has to be taken to go see them.  I'm no longer an integral part of their lives, like we were all an integral part of each other's lives in Allenhurst.

Harvey is very bored and not very satisfied with his new roommates (he and Mike Engel were put in with 2 transfer students and a freshman).  He and I are still close and all and I don't feel uncomfortable at all with him, whereas with Iris and Maddy I fell very self-conscious.

There are blind steps and groping of our exile, the painting of our hunger as, remembering speechlessly, we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, a door.  Where?  When?

As you might have guessed I'm reading "Look Homeward Angel".  I've been reading it for a long, long time. No concentration and no time.  It's such a beautifully written book.

Last week I went to Colden and camped out from Tues nite to Friday.  It was fine.  I spent a lot of time walking around and just trying to catch up with myself.

The week before I rode my bike to Springville (40 miles) and nearly died of exhaustion.  I'm so out of shape, I've been playing tennis.

Sunshine House has been doing at least one fine thing of late.  We've been going to concerts, setting up a tent and operating during the concerts.  We get in free and we helped a lot of people that way.

There was a concert on Rotary Field, an all day thing and we were there.  It was pretty poor. Cactus (boo, boo, hiss) was the second featured group.  Savoy Brown was pretty good.  There was about 8 groups there, Long John Baldry and Al Kooper.  We shared a tent with the performers and got high with them.  It rained near the end of the concert.  It seemed sort of fitting.

The day before, Saturday was "Celebration" in War Memorial Stadium with the Blues Project, Taj Mahal, Sha-na-na (they were great), J. Geils, Box Scaggs, and the Paul Butterfield Blues Band.

The concert lasted from 2 till past 12.  The weather was great and so was the music.  Paul Butterfield was incredibly good.  I missed Boz Scaggs because I was in the tent.  We were much more organized at this one and did a fine job.  Also the music was much better than the last one.

Sunshine House has been pretty much a dominant force in my life for awhile now.  I try to keep a little distance just because too many people there (at least two) have made the whole thing into an ego trip and it's really messing them up and it's not helping the house.

We just got funded through Community Action Corps by the Student Association.  We got $8,500 and I'm treasurer.

October 15 we're working at the Blood Sweat and Tears concert in Kleinhans???  Who could possibly bum out for $4-$5-$6-$7, unless they would because of those prices.

Ok I shall wind it up now.  Speaking of money, I think I owe you $ for the deposit you made here.  Yes?  If so, please tell me how much and I'll send it to you in a couple of  years.  You're last phone bill was $5 so I paid Herbie cuz he paid the bill so please deduct that from what I owe you.   Okee dokee.

Well, write again if you get the chance and always remember the immortal words of a great California intellectual, they serve as a source of inspiration in times of need, "Let's shine this left over garbage on."

A couple of weekends ago there was a meeting of crisis center people from all over N.Y.  It was at Buff State and it was really good.  Afterward about 40 of us went into a dorm room and smoked and drank Southern Comfort, scotch, and 6 kinds of wine.  We were on the 4th floor and security was on the 5th so we broke up early.  The first 4 floors of hi-rise are closed to dorm students cuz of faulty construction.  Have you ever heard of Dr. Bronner's soap?  It's supposed to be peppermint flavored.

September 27, 1971 (Letter from Mardi)

Happy to find your letter in my mailbox tonight!  Thanks for such a fast response!  These Monday nights are bad and your letter was just a neato keen surprise.  Lately I feel like the "Orphan of the Storm" or something!  Ah, poor Mardi.  "That's life" I know!  Work, go to school, work, go to school -- how do people do it?

Glad to hear you'll be going back to school and that you got the $620.00.  You definitely have to stop here on you way back or I won't forgive you!

Anderson left the morning for the New England states!  Wouldn't you know he'd get to Boston before me?  He should be calling here before too long, I'm dying to see how far they got.  He went with another guy so with the both of them driving they should make good time.  Jealous?  Not much!

(9/28/1971)  Hello again!  Sorry I didn't finish that piece.  Sue Smith called me with a few greetings.  She told me to be on the look out for this guy she knew that I had met when I was home the last time.  He's suppose to be on a business trip to Minneapolis and I told him he could look me up (SURE!) so I gave him my wrong phone number and address and no name.  He wanted me to get him some hash.  This guy is "Joe Cool" if I ever saw a "Joe Cool".  He's about 42 and from Warren or something.  He's probably a nark.  What a creep!  She said Barb was going back to Boston tomorrow, so she may see Anderson after all!  The ding never did call last night.  I was really freaking out here last night about 1am.  I got really scared when I'm lying in bed!  My mind goes wild with all this crap from every horror movie I've ever seen!!!  I even moved the shelves in front of the hall door and put the living room chair in front of the living room door!  Why I'm so scared I'll never know!  I've never gotten this spastic before.  Anderson is hardly ever around anyway!  It must be psychological. So I'm a big chicken.

Well I had better close and get my tiny butt? in gear!  I've got to go and pay my telephone bill, a mere $60!!!!  Anderson was happy to say the least.  I swear that's the last of those long distance phone calls for at least 2 months.  I get all screwed up with the bill!  When I pay the bill I figure I'm all paid up and owe nothing, only to remember that there are calls on the next bill that have been made since the last bill was sent.  Duh.  Anderson and I are so budget conscious.

Take care, watch out for those "city women", dress warm, say your prayers, and watch out for bad dope -- SHITTY!

Enclosed are various paraphernalia, not to mention completely useless!  TAA DAA!

One comb for those long golden lock!

A jiffy bookmarker to find your place in any book, or newspaper!

A pack of "fast lite" matches for those hard to light roaches!

Can ther ereally be more? that anyone would want?

March 20, 1970 (Letter from Barb Lucia)

Well, it's another afternoon at work, this time it's a different place, different, city, but the same old shit -- work, eat, sleep, go out... there is nothing to do in the winter but be a dud, no matter where you are of what the hell you're doing!

It'll be two weeks tomorrow I've been here-- the first week was an absolute hell -- after running around w/ everybody, I still got to walk around and get lost 3 thousand times in Boston -- you should have seen me -- taking subways, buses, walking and walking and walking -- I'm there, Hey! Neat!  Of course, none of my interviews worked out so here I am working in an office again.  I didn't want this job but the guy kept calling me up and I didn't know what to say, so I took it.  For a grand total of $85 a week, I'll never get rich.

Well, enough of this money-minded materials, straight-city talk -- other than that, things are great.  I'm still living with Carol in her apartment, sleeping on her couch -- there are 4 of us there and it's a little crowded -- I must get my ass moving and find a place -- I am so helpless when it comes to this stuff.  I went down to Harvard Square last nite and got a "Boston After Dark" and looked -- I'm there Duh!  I got lost trying to come home on the subway -- geez, that's the first time that happened -- perverts to the left, perverts to the right -- I'll never be Ratso Rizzo.

What are you doing besides school (blah) -- working? (blah).  When's your spring break?  You really should go somewhere this year.  Bermuda?  Florida?  The Bahamas?  Warren?  Everybody's always talking about what they're doing th is summer -- help!  I don't even know what I'm doing now!

I wrote a letter to Mardi at Bill's in Mpls.  I imagine that's where she is!  I know she's not working yet -- when will we all see each other again?  Renee's wedding is only a few weeks off and I'm almost sure I won't be able to make it.  Not to mention that I didn't get an invitation, but I will try to send her a present anyway; it's not every day you get married!

Do you realize it's almost summer?  Today is beautiful -- of course it might have changed since I went out at noon - - we don't even have windows here-- now hear this -- I have successfully wasted an entire year and will probably do so again -- Paul, when you're rich and famous, will you still talk to me?  I'll probably be carhopping down on the Bowery -- Mardi will be an airline stewardess, Joan will have 6 kids, oh, I can't stand it....

You better write me a line or two soon, at least before your vacation -- I get lonely sometimes her e-- I fell like I'm running a one-man show and I am such a ding-a-ling anyway.  Take care.  How's Kenny.  Heave you been visiting the music room lately?  Last nite Carol and I got out the pipe, but it didn't do a thing for me -- maybe I should go find a music room.

February 9, 1970 (Letter from Barb Lucia)

It's a swinging afternoon at work, I'm ready to fall asleep on my typewriter so I think I'd better write for awhile.  You almost had two little smiling faces there to cheer things up Saturday afternoon.  We were going to knock on your door and yell -- "Let's go to the Palace!"  I'm sure you and Kenny would have freaked out if we showed up.  No! No! Go home!!  What a weekend this was, let me tell you -- zero!  Friday nite we worked on our decoupages and talked and talked and talked about going away (like what's new in the last six month?)   Then we went over to sleep at Mardi's and Bill's on the phone and we're all there yakking away, getting nothing settled of course.  Now that we've both given notice at work, time is running out.  I think Mardi will end up going to Minneapolis and live with Bill till spring and I mostly probably to Boston.  Why can't we do anything original??  Why, oh why.  I was all psyched to go to Denver and to California but Bill's all involved with a new job now, etc. etc.  I hope for her sake that Mardi is sure, really sure about this - I don't know -- I'm not going to give her any grief about it.  There might be a bright side to all this SHIT -- how does it fell to be settled in school and not wondering about the future -- duh!  I remember my sophomore year all I worried about was the next paper that was due, the next basketball game or kegger -- hey, I was cool.  (Don't let anybody ever tell you, you're cool!!!)

Oh well, we did have a jolly good time last weekend with you guys.  I think we're all slightly warped: God, that was unreal.  We are a bunch of duds, laying around drinking ourselves under the table.  Hey, clean!

I really clonked out on the bus on the way home -- if there's one thing I hate, it's coming home all the time.

Well, what else is new around here.  Joan was home this weekend.  I talked to her about 10 minutes but didn't see her.  She won't be home again till Easter and I won't be around then so that's that.  I guess Freddie goes in the Reserves in two weeks.  If Piccirillo pulls this one off she'll be a genius, I don't know how she's going to do it.  What do you hear from Mike? Did he win the election or whatever -- Mike Foster as president of a "cool": fraternity -- wow! Groovy!  Where's my letter sweater?

When are you coming home -- I have this duh! feeling about going now.  Like, I don't mind going to Boston but I'm not really thrilled about i -- I don't like the idea of going alone but I imagine I'll do it.  Bla-ah, why can't it be summer, spring, fall -- ?  Would love to go somewhere warm pretty soon.  I wish I could get Mardi's ass moving.  I just don't' understand her nowadays.  What, what, what is the problem???  Hey, we're stable.  Normal.

Think I'll close now.  Now that I"m at work I guess I should do home work -- doo-doo-doo -- I'll go find something to do.  Peace, take care, say hi to Kenny -- hope we see you soon.

P.S.  I even gave up smoking Larks last week for 2 days -- I must be really blah or something.

P.P.S.  The collage will get done this week!

October 18, 1969 (Letter from Mike)

Sorry I haven't written but you know me.  I just hate to write letters anymore.

I'm sending you a card that one of my fraternity bros had the foresight to print up.  T hey come in quite handy and you feel better about losing a parking space if you can put one of these on the windshield.

Classes are going along quite well and the fraternity has kepi me really busy lately.  I was homecoming float chairman and that's all I did this past week -- work on the float.

Tina was here for homecoming -- (you missed Blood Sweat and Tears -- sorry) this weekend.  I think she had a good time.  BS&T were tremendous!  The agent said if they like the audience, they'll play for an hour.  They went for 1 hr and 45 min.  Everybody was going out of their minds.  If you haven't seen them in concert, make sure you catch them sometime.

I'm not going to be able to go to Boston.  No money!!  By the way, you owe me some money from vacation.  I'll take it anytime you can afford it.  I think I'll bring Flanagan with me for Thanksgiving.  Wish you could come home so we could goof around.

Must go now.  Sorry this is short, but I'm all talked out.  Sagars says hello.  Write and tell me what's up.

July 16, 1969 (Letter from Patty)

I'm working right now, but everyone has gone to lunch before some big meeting and I won't have anything to do for the rest of the afternoon, so I decided to write you a letter since I owe you one from quite awhile ago.  I'm typing it so that everyone will think I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

I wasn't shocked by your last letter.  In fact I had a feeling that you were up to something like that.  A lot of my friends at school take drugs, and if they and you want to that's your business. I don't' care.  It's just that I don't personally want to get involved with them. Still, that doesn't mean that we're any less friends.  I hope you feel that way too.

If I didn't tell you before, I'm working in my father's office this summer.  I'm really not that crazy about doing nothing but pecking a typewriter all summer, but money is money and $75 a week is pretty good pay.

Over July 4th weekend I went to Boston with some of my friends from school.  I'd never been there before and it was just great.  We went to Harvard, a great restaurant called Boston 1800, Nantasket Beach, Haymarket Square, and quite a few other places.  I really think Boston is a great city.

Is it HOT here today.  It seems as if every office in this building has air conditioning but mine.  I suppose I can't complain though, it'll be even hotter at home tonight.  We kinda live in the country (suburb country) but it always seems h otter there than in the city.  Can't figure it out.

How's the job going?  Are you having a good time this summer.  I hope so.  It always seems that my summers are dull, either because we've just moved or because I don't know anyone my own age cause I don't go to school here.

Have you heard from anyone in Warren lately.  The only person who's really still around there and writes to me is Monica.  I suppose Jinny's at school at this time -- what a hell of a time to be going to school.  I never hear from Mike anymore.  I have a feeling he doesn't consider me good enough to write to.  He always could really piss me off.  (The reason I'm using such good language is that I haven't had much of a chance to use it all summer and it's been building up so that now that I have the chance it just comes pouring out -- sorry about that.)

I'll really be glad when school starts again, this being super good and super staying is really getting to me.  Last night I had so much to do that my father and me (i) fixed the stereo!

If the typing in this letter was an example of my work (or is) it looks as if I should be getting fired any time now.  Oh well!

What do you think?  Should i make my i's, when i'm speaking about me, capital or lower case?  The more i think about it the more it seems to me that by making them capitals i'm being snotty.  Don't you agree that I should be humble, and make them lower case from now on?

As you can see, I'm really cracking up.  Anyhow, I guess I've rambled on long enough so i think i'll go do something construction now -- like the crossword puzzle in the paper.  Write soon.  PLEASE!!! yor nuti friend,