June 9, 1975 (Letter from Grayce)

This is truly a gorgeous day!  I just got back from in town where I bought my father a sweater (summer) for Sunday (Father's Day).  I didn't want to leave uptown because it was so nice, so I just strolled around for awhile, but, unfortunately, I can only stand that for so long -- especially if I can't go into stores and SPEND! It's like a disease.  I wish I could just control myself.  I buy things I really don't need sometimes.  Now that I'm trying to save money, though, I've gotten a bit more control over myself.  Although, with what I make, I doubt very much if I will be able to save much.

Anyway -- I did some weeding in my garden today.  It's really coming along.  I'm quite proud of myself -- as this is my first attempt at outdoor planting.  The tomatoes, lettuce, and onions are really growing quickly.  The lettuce will be ready to eat in a few more weeks, I think.  I'm so excited I can hardly wait!!!  Brook is ready to send me to a loony bin.  The night I planted everything, I couldn't sleep hardly at all and when I did finally get to sleep, I actually dreamed of plants and vegetables.  I had several dreams about them, too.  Some "good and some "bad".  In one of the "good" ones, I can remember seeing my picture in the back of a comic book holding a head of lettuce about 30" in diameter in one of those queer advertisements for fertilizer.  (Isn't that goofy?) Oh well.

Bev told me about her job hunting when she was here, too.  I hope she gets something she likes better. I really thought she liked it there, but I think she doesn't so much, anymore.  In my position, almost any job looks inviting, you know?

You mentioned being a parent.  I'm really scared to death of being in that position.  I think too many people have children who have no idea about what to do with them and don't really think about how they can affect their lives.  It's such an awesome responsibility.

An aside.  (I hope you never really doubted that I cared about your well-being, Tweet!)

Have you heard from Ken and Denise yet again?  I hope he's not too bad, although I can imagine that he's in a lot of pain.

Harvey is in the hospital.  Poor Harvey certainly has his share of problems.  His nerve tendons in both his hands have given him so much trouble.  On top of that he's diabetic and any operation is a risk for him.  He went in last week and it takes several weeks to recover from this thing and then a few months from now he'll have to go in for the other arm.  Well -- enough bad news....

Nothing much is really happening here.  I'm sorry if this letter is extremely boring.  I think I'll only continue it for 2 more pages.  (Paulie says, oh no, 2 more?!!)

I really like having Mondays and Fridays off now (besides weekends).  I really can't take that place full-time and remain sane too (if I may presume that I am presently sane?)

Right now I'm finishing a weaving for Rich Miller's wedding.  It's kind of primitive in earth tones, but I hope he likes it.  I haven't started on Ange's yet -- or rather, I have started in hers at least 4 times and each time I just take it apart because I'm not satisfied with it.  I guess I'm being ridiculous, but I really want it to be special cause she means so much to me.  We've been really close since 3rd grade and we're almost one person in so many ways.  She's one of the few people that I know who would put my welfare above hers in any kind of crisis.  I mean, some people you think might, but I'm really certain of Ange.  I guess cause I've never had ad sister (and she hasn't either) (she has 4 brothers) we just kind of adopted each other.

We haven't kept one promise very well.  We both promised each other when we were about 19-20 that we definitely would not get married til we were at least 28!  Oh well-

(I'm almost to the end, Tweet!!  Do you think you can bear my ramblings for another side of a page?)

My sewing project right now is a bathing suit.  I haven't had one for 3 years, because 3 years ago I gained 15 pounds in one year and I haven't had the discipline to get rid of them yet (what a dis-grayce I am!!!)  Anyway, I decided not to get a bathing suit til I lost that weight and so far I haven't lost it (yeck!)  But my hand is being forced.  Brook wants to go away for a weekend and I don't think (wherever we go) that the people there will appreciate my cut-offs and halter in their pool (if it has a pool and Brooks likes pools, so...)  I haven't given up yet, though. I'm making this so that it can be taken in, if and when the occasion arises.  Concentrate on that for me, if you please?

Well, I'd better start getting dinner ready.  No dessert!!!  (maybe a grapefruit?)

November 5, 1974 (Letter from Grayce)

Whittier Elementary School, Great Falls, Montana

Photo taken September 1974

Dear. Mr. Corneliusson (as elongated older version of your last name I came across just recently).

As I write today, I am listening to the record I ordered the day we were in town.  (Debussy's Syrinx for flute solo).  It was his last work and I really like it best of all the others.  I might even go far enough to say it's my favorite classical piece.  The mood I have to be in to really enjoy it doesn't just open up every day, though.  It's such a thoughtful and restrained piece of music that to listen to it when I'm not feeling thoughtful and peaceful would be a type of sacrilege.  It  has a very mysterious quality and can be ethereal at times.  It would be like touching clouds to really explain it so I will stop   I hope you can hear it someday.  The first time I heard it was in January when Brook's sister invited us to an evening of chamber music that she had to give with other people in her class.  I was feeling bad that night and this music was perfect.

I thing (actually, I do speak English) think I told you the story of Pan that it was written to represent.  (He falls in love with a young mortal woman who is afraid of him and hides from him in the reeds.  He cannot find her and sighs deeply and his breath carries over all the reeds and makes the sound of syrinx.)  It's truly beautiful story.

Oh well, enough of this.  You're probably asleep by now.  (Of course, you could always skip the parts of a letter that bore you -- it's not like just walking away from someone that's talking to you, huh?)

I had intended to recommend a crock-pot to you in my last letter.  I got one as a shower gift from Tobin and she said that no "career person" should be without one.  It's really good, isn't it?  Suzy Homemaker has been experimenting a lot lately.  Brook hasn't died of ptomaine yet, so I guess I'm not all that bad.  Last night I made stew (in the crock-pot) and it was really good.  The meat was so tender it fell apart.  If you haven't made that yet, please do.  I made garlic bread and a fresh spinach salad (with Caesar dressing) to go with it.  I'm making myself soooo hungry.  ON Sunday (here I go again) we got the pumpkins we had planted in the summer and I made pumpkin pie.  I think I'm going to have to go on a diet before Thanksgiving (just to stay at my present situation) because we are going to Phila for the holiday and my mother has already called up and asked what we want.  Brook, of course, wants veal scallopini (for Thanksgiving!?) so that mean we'll have it the day after, and I know she'll have all kinds of goodies to tempt me.  I used to be much better at resisting these things.  My will power needs some kind of incentive, I think.  I will have to dress something good up.

Speaking of home, I'm sorry your sister is having a bad time.  But at least she has those nice plans about New England to think of and work for.  I think everybody wants to live in N.E. or California.  I wouldn't want to live in Calif, but I'd really like N.E. -- I like the climate very much.

My news from home is that my brother Tommy (age 15) is "going steady" with a girl who is going to be 20.  My parents are certainly not thrilled to death about it, but they are wisely (for once)( not interfering and not badgering him.  The problem seems to be that Vera "wants to get married". (This seems a little ludicrous to me since he's only 15!  I mean, why would she pick him?)  It's strange.  She's very nice but she's a non-entity.  Her opinions are never even voiced, let alone considered by Tommy.  He's so independent and he kind of lets her tag along, but he does like her a lot.  He's just really immature and doesn't know how to treat her, or anything.  In a way, this will be very good for him.  It's her I'm worried about.  I can't imagine what she's getting out of this relationship, you know?

One thing that bothers me about her is that she graduated from high school 2 years ago and has never gotten a job.  She just stays home all day.  She has 7 brothers and sisters and I guess she helps her mother, but her father died quite awhile ago and I just thought some money would come in hand there.  It's none of my business, of course, but I just can't understand how someone can just do nothing for 2 years!  Myeer!  I would go crazy, I think.

I have to go now cause I have to go to work.  ON Tues and Thurs I start 1 1:00 and work til 10:00.  I was just really getting into this letter, too.  Oh well---

(11/7/74)  -- well, here I am again with lots of energy.  Actually, it is 6:30 am (the middle of the night for me) and I just have washed my hair and I am sitting here deciding whether to set it or not. Brook is already at work.  He had some big top secret engineering to get done today.  It had to be done before everybody was at work, so...and once I wake up fully it's almost impossible for me to go back to sleep.

So, you're stuck with a letter from a tired but awake person.  I'm sorry, but I have a feeling that this letter isn't inspired.  Do you hate this trivia? or what?!

Your phone sounds quite appropriate.  What does you apartment look like?  Colors, age, etc.  (please answer this!)

Guess what?  The other day I went shopping in Wilkinsburg and I passed by the pipe shop and decided to go in and ask for a few cigar boxes (I'm making wooden Xmas tree decorations and they're 3-dimensional so I need a place to store them so they don't break) and lo and behold! the man behind the counter was none other than Harvey Walker.  No sooner did he see me than he started telling everyone (at least 10 people!) that I was his ex-wife and I still went up to visit him on Thursday nights when his present wife worked  etc. etc. -- same old Harvey!  Anyway, it was really nice to see him, despite the fact that 10 people now think we are both crazy, immoral, or both.  I haven't gotten up enough courage to go in and see him again, yet.  I think I will wait for an off-time at the store.

Do you know I haven't seen Kolish yet either? or even spoken to her.  Kate certainly is elusive.  I've called several times and no luck.  I hope she's alright.  I think I'll try again today.  I have to go to Oakland on Nov. 18 so maybe I can see her then!

I am quite excited about tomorrow.  One of the library aides that I've gotten friendly with is taking an indep study in pottery and she's going to let me use her wheel tomorrow!  I haven't done it in such a long time so I've a little apprehensive, but I can't wait!  There's something really neat about playing with clay and mud.  I guess I feel that way because I am an earth sign.  Does your sister like to play with earth?

Right now, as I look around myself, at this mess, I am quite discouraged.  This house is at least 08 years old and I don't believe anything has been done to it for at least 20 years (maybe not even cleaned!).  There is plaster everywhere and the curtains that are on most of the windows are nothing short of hideous.  We can't fix anything until Brook finishes his cabinet which is being built into the wall, so- it will take at least until Christmas to do that.  (shudder)  I don't even feel like cleaning cause it doesn't help one bit!  I have so many ideas and it is frustrating to not get to do any of them. Oh well...

By all means, do send some samples of your journals.  I would especially like to see some representative things about your time at GSLIS -- I mean at different times there, if your opinions changed or altered much.  Actually anything you send would be fine.  Do you like going through all that and editing?  It would be very tedious for me since I am very impatient.   Kierkegaard never went over any of his writings.  They just poured out like a waterfall.  He wrote 20 volumes of journals (each quite large also) and his philosophic works are so voluminous as to really amaze the person who realizes that he died in his very early forties.  (Paul says -- oh no -- do I have to listen to her talk about this goofball again?!)  I'll stop; I promise.

What's prison chow like?

As for travel, I'm not sure how I feel about it.  I used to think it was very exciting but I'm not so sure now.  It seems that I believe in the solidarity of mankind and that most men are awfully basically alike. Maybe it's only because I haven't been to any other really different places like the Orient.  I would love to visit China before the art is totally negated by that state.  From what I've read they are trying to do away with all of the past -- even Confucius.  I think this is a crime -- to take people out of their identity and mold them all together.  I feel that all men placed in the same situation who have the same milieu react very similarly, i.e., I don't believe in "bad" men and "good" men but that, inherently  man becomes what he does.  Like all those people in prison were sort of "channeled" into the lives they led.  And most will probably be channeled into it again when they leave.  I don't know how travel brought this stuff up.  Please excuse this disjointed rambling!

Are you going to go home for Xmas?