March 6, 1977 (Letter from Diane)

At the Springfield Museum of Fine Arts


Now that the winter that my dad says I can tell my grandchildren about is hopefully over, finished, ended, a memory, except for the potholes, you should really come to Philly & see what's left, besides the aforementioned potholes. The weekend before & after Easter are particularly good since I'm determined to see the Easter exhibit & orchid display at Longwood Gardens.  But if you can't come then, name a date.  Bev has a meeting the last Sat in April & we're both going home for Easter.  Otherwise, arrangements are flexible.

Christmas seems so long ago but it was one of the best, surprisingly.  I had thought that since most of my friends weren't going to be home at all or for only a few days, things would be boring.  Not so.  This year the McCrearys were finally able to drag Dad out of his chair for some socializing.  And most of my friends stopped by or called.  The week off really flew by.

Since Christmas, a lot has been going on.  Dad had his first major car accident when someone went through a stop sign and hit his car & kept going.  Luckily he wasn't hurt.  My aunt & uncle were nearly killed in a wreck two weeks later.  They've been in a hospital for six weeks & my uncle will remain for at least nine more.  Since he's nearly 63, he'll never go back to work for the railroad.  My car was broken into and the only things in it -- my insurance papers & maps were taken.  It has obviously been one of those bad times that occasionally happens in life.  All the more reason to look forward to spring.

How would you like to have a nun for a friend?  You may, if certain predictions come true.  Last year, my aide Kathy invited me to dinner.  Her husband's former teacher, Father Kelly, was also there.  (This produced an odd situation later in the evening when the party guests appeared & thought I was his date.)  Father Kelly is a very keen observer whose hobby is handwriting analysis.  He also has some psychic ability.  Anyway, he shocked me by saying that I had once seriously considered entering the convent (I had told no one!) and the chances were 60-40 that I still would.  This has been making me uneasy for a year now.  So Kathy had us both to dinner & a party again and I asked Father if he also knew the reasons why I had decided against the religious life.  He said yes & that he would write them down for me & send them through Kathy.  She also conned me into giving him my signature.  I'm most anxious to get this list and see how accurate it is.  Really, though, it is most disconcerting to have someone probe your personality like that.

Work has had it usual ups & downs.  This week I finally received my microform equipment.  But.  The people in the dept. dealing with office equipment ordered the equipment I had specified but forgot the paper for the reader/printer.  Of all the stupidity.  A lot of excitement is being generated by a million dollar civil suit one of the lawyers has filed against his former boss.  The lawyer has asked several people on the staff, including me, to testify for him.  Rumor has it that papers were served this week on our commanding officer (a colonel) and the Chief of Engineers in Washington.  No wonder our Personnel Chief retired suddenly last month.  And to show you what a bunch of yoyos these people are, our above mentioned CO went in search of our technical writer since answers to Congressmen's letters were going out late, badly prepared, etc.  He found out what everyone already knew.  The writer was demoted in a reduction in force last year & took a $2500/year pay cut.  It was too much & he left.  The Col. had thought that no one had taken any cut in pay.  Now here's the unbelievable part.  That writer has filed a complaint with Civil Service and if he wins (which seems possible) he will recover full back pay from Aug. 1.  And the C.O. doesn't even know he's gone.  I pray this country never goes to war because we'll surely lose.

Enough of work.  After all, I have to go back tomorrow.  But speaking of work, I'll debate the superiority of Spic & Span over Pine-sol when you arrive.  Love house-cleaning, huh?  In my more meditative moments, I have sometimes wondered if my life today would be different if I never had that ferocious hatred of housework.

I must do my homework for my needlepoint class tomorrow.  Hope to hear from you soon.

P.S. if you haven't seen "Rocky" yet, please go!

January 23, 1977 (Letter from Grayce)

What I was reading in January 1977

Hi Tweet.  We took a long drive yesterday along some back roads & it was really very beautiful. We had done the same thing in November & it was pretty then, but for me, nothing can really compare with snow-capped mountains.  We have some nice one right near our house, which I always check on as soon as I get awake.  They are different almost every day.  Last night there was a wet atmosphere and the frost formed on everything just glistens.  I can't wait for the sun to come out.  It will really look picturesque then.  It's kind of nice also when it doesn't snow here, but does snow on the mountains.  That's my favorite way for them to look, so far.  It doesn't happen too often, though.  We're fairly high up here -- a little higher than the town part of Pocatello, actually.  This "development" is called the Highland Area.  Today (& yesterday), it's beginning to get more foggy than I've ever seen it here (or anywhere).  I guess the sun won't be coming out.  Y ou can hardly see across the street!  Oh well....

Just went through the Sunday paper (the only one I ever buy & not usually that one, even.)  The want ads are pretty slim pickin's.  There was one exciting sounding job for a beer bar maid -- no experience necessary.  Also, in the personals column (the best part of the paper, in my humble opinion) an ad for a live-in housekeeper -- ages 25-30 -- female -- light work -- call after 6 PM Jack. I read the cars for sale ads, too, sometimes -- but only if I'm really bored!  This same guy has been putting an ad in -- a "must sell in one week" -- 75 Mustang -- for about a month.  Oh, I guess that's enough about Pocatello's classified ads, huh?

Diane says she's definitely coming out -- barring some unforeseen disaster -- but in those disasters, she mentioned airline strikes, along with gas shortages, so I imagine she's not yet decided on how she'll get here.  Bev may be the deciding factor & in her last letter, she told me her next paid vacation is at Christmas.  So...I don't' think she'll want to drive out.   She did say something about taking 1 week without pay -- but certainly not to come out here, I wouldn't think. It would be too expensive & also too much of a bother.  So...I don't really know what's going to happen.

Ange & John just bought a house outside of Southampton, Pa (near Philly) so they'll be postponing their visit til late summer -- possibly early fall.  We're probably going to go to Oregon with them when they get here.  John's family lives there, so we'll have a place to stay.  Willy & Debbie have threatened to camp out on our back yard, but I won't believe it til I can touch them.  They prefer warmer climates & usually go South every year.  My parents have promised a visit in May.  My father wants to drive -- (but I'm hoping he won't).  Anyway, I hope they do come -- but that's another thing I'm not going to hold my breath for!   Brook's parents are now in Florida visiting his sister Pat & her husband Terry.  Also they brought the 2 grandmas!  They will visit us in June, I think.  At least I'm pretty sure about them coming.  Oh well -- I don't really expect every one I know to just come out & visit, but it would be nice!

We're definitely having company for Easter.  Kathy Conaboy & friend (my philosophy major friend from V.U.) will be coming for a week.  I haven't seen her since graduation from V.U. -- so that will certainly be a reunion.  Brook is threatening to move into the Holiday Inn down the road!  He's never had to live in the same house with 2 philosophy majors before!  This is probably boring you to death.  I suppose you've guessed by now that I don't have much to say!

We may be taking skiing lessons starting Feb. 2 -- depending on how expensive they are.  I have to find out tomorrow.  I just can't see myself sliding down a hill like that.  It will be more like tumbling in my case, I'm sure.  If my next letter comes from Bannock County Mem. Hospital, you'll know why!

Oh well -- I'll try to write a longer (& possibly less boring) letter next time.

December 3, 1976 (Letter from Grayce)

The weather here has been so gorgeous -- (knock, knock).  I keep telling myself it can't last another week but keep hoping that it will.  (The ski resorts outside of town are really hurting, though, so I suppose it's awfully selfish of me not to want this to end for the inevitable winter.)  It get awfully cold at night -0- sometimes slightly below zero -- but during the day, glorious sun!  It has not even drizzled for about 2 months.  (I've gotten some really pretty dried weed bouquets.) Some days it's cold, of course -- (20's or below) but some days it goes up to 55 or 60!!!  And it's just perfect.  I've never experienced such an autumn & probably never will again, so I'm trying to keep a clear picture of it.

We got our wood in for the winter this week.  Wood is awfully expensive here.  I suppose because they have to get it from somewhere else -- there being no trees!!!  (Which I miss.)  Brook & 2 of his friends at work were going to go up to a forested area & cut their own down, but the cost of renting a chain saw & trailer was almost the cost of having someone else doing it & delivery it, and they would have had to make 3 trips, so it wasn't really worth it.

People here must have money trees if not the other kind, I think!!  We are the only people in our neighborhood who have only 1 car (regardless of family size, everyone has at least 2-3 cars!)  Also, everyone has -- either a big camper, a boat, a pick-up, a van or all of the above!!!  They clutter up their driveways with all these things I can't imagine why anyone would want all that stuff.  It would drive me crazy, just to have to take care of it.  Also, it's so wasteful.  Every one has their own car. No car pools are even thought of.  When are people going to wise up?  It just sickens me sometime.

Maybe I am too harsh.  I can understand 2 cars -- especially if people work at different times, but very few of the women around here work.  They are much too busy having seven kids each. They're worse than Catholics!!!  And so many men here just assume that i you are a woman, you are just certainly good for nothing else!!!  Maybe I am too sensitive!!!???

Here is an example of the condescending attitude.  I wanted to buy Brook a jigsaw for our anniversary.  So I went (alone, since I wanted to surprise him) to a tool place & was looking at the different types they had.  Immediately, this guy comes up -- all smiles & says (no kidding) "Why would a sweet little girl like you be looking at these saws!"   I told him I was buying a gift.  He just assumed that I'd know nothing about what I wanted & tried to sell me something I didn't want.  I told him I wanted a 2-speed drill, not a variable speed one because I thought the 2-speed one was more stable, although less expensive.  He was surprised that I'd think of that.  But after my getting what I wanted, he did suggest that I bring my husband in & make sure it was the type he'd use before I actually bought it!  Arrgh!!!  Oh well....I'll stop making your beard grow with this subject.

We found the Pocatello Zoo last weekend.  We didn't even know there was one & came upon it by accident.  It's such a neat little place & we had a good time.  I really like the environments that most of hte animals are in.  Some of the cats are in large "cages" and have all these rocks in the background to climb on.  It's a very pretty setting.  I've heard that the Zoo at Idaho Falls is terrible. They have lions in cages that would be for a few birds & they can hardly walk around.

Did you know about Bev's new job at Wyeth Labs?  It's in Westchester & not far from Villanova. As a matter of act, I know the woman who was the librarian there before, but I'm not sure if she's still there or not.  I'll have to ask Bev the name of the person she's succeeding.  Bev will remain in her present apartment til February (or maybe January)& drive the 25 miles. I guess she wants to look around teh area.  Apartments there are very expensive as she will find out soon, so I hope she can get one that fits in with her budget.  Wyeth has a reputation for paying well, though, so maybe it won't be so bad.  The only thing that she's not too pleased with is 2 weeks vacation instead of the 3 she had at Delaware State, but she feels that the fringe benefits will make up for the extra week.  It's so good that she got this job.  I'm sure she'll like it & it seems like it will be more of a challenge for her than the other was.

Well, I suppose that's all for this time.  Have you heard from Barb yet?  I guess you can't wait to see her.  You'll probably have lots to talk about.  How long will she be home?

November 29, 1976 (Note from Diane)

In all fairness, I should tell you what you're in for when you come in Dec.  Hopefully, you won't change your mind!  Anyway, some other friends also wanted to see the Brandywine R.M. and the Gardens so I gave everyone a choice of weekends.  They all picked the tenth.  So why not a houseparty, right?  Guests will include Mary Lou and John Repsher, Rosie & Larry Minster and son, and Marsha Irvin.  We'll stop for Bev along the way.  The group includes several library people and yoga enthusiasts.  If this is beginning to sound like a sales job, you're right.  But if it doesn't work & you do change your mind let me know.  If I don't hear anything, I'll expect you on the 10th, weather cooperating.

Birthday Card from Diane (October 29, 1976)

Could you come down to NJ the first weekend in Dec?  Or the second?  There's a reason for the delay -- Bev & I are planning a trip to the Brandywine River Museum and Longwood Gardens for the Christmas displays -- which will not be ready until after Nov.  (If you can't make it then,k we'll just have to take you Christmas shopping!)  There's an excellent -- and expensive -- restaurant near the museum (the memory of their beef tenderloin tips lingers on) if everyone wants to splurge.  However, the details can wait.  Let me know if either weekend is agreeable & we'll take it from there.

I've just returned from a week in Alexandria, Va., and things are still slight chaotic.  I'll write a proper letter later.  Have a happy birthday!

July 19, 1976 (Note from Grayce)

Hi -- Diane & Bev will definitely be here for the weekend of the 24th (this Sat.).  I'm just assuming that you can be here this weekend also -- no "no's" will be accepted under any circumstances! We just got back from Idaho & I've lots to tell you.  You can look forward to much ear stuffing!

I have one favor to ask -- if you are coming over Thursday night, could you possibly fix it so that you get here after 6 A.M.  You see, Brooks' been working a lot of extra hours & he'll be working that Friday too & I wouldn't want to disturb hi before he has to get up . *He gets up at abt. 7, but if you get here at 6 it wouldn't be too bad.  It's just that if I have to get up for 4 or so, this alarm will bother him, too.  Would this  inconvenience you very much?  Maybe you'd like to nap a few hours before you leave anyway?  Then you can play when you get here.  Is this ok?

Well!  Please come!  It will be so nice, we'd really like to have you.

July 7, 1976 (Letter from Grayce)

Naturally, since the arm-twisting has succeeded, I have bad-good news to report.  Please excuse this little note, but I'll explain!!  Westinghouse, in one of its strange & mysterious ways, has picked July 10th (Sat) til July 17th (?) Sat for our little trip.  Of course I should have known!  I just wrote Diane (not mentioning you, of course) [I had mentioned before that I'd ask you, but I said you probably wouldn't come, ok?]  Therefore, I have asked her to switch to the 24th or 341st & to ask Bev & let me know.  I should hear very soon & will let you know as soon as I do.  By the way, may I have your phone no? -- or is that classified?  Actually, I suppose I could get it from information. I don't  think you are coy enough to have an unlisted number?

Diane & Bev have taken it into their heads that my serving them too many meals would be a "burden" so they have decided we have to go to Poli's one night (Saturday).  How do you feel about this?  I can understanding how being short of money feels since I am always that way myself, but I already agreed that we'd go.  What to do?  Let me know, ok?  Also I'm trying to get reservation for Fallingwater that Sunday (especially since I remember you wanted to see it & we never did, in our excursions )  If only I could find out for which day!!!  (That would be a help.)

I'm sure this is completely incoherent & I sound even nuttier than usually - & of course, I am.

WRITE & tell me what's going on (because I definitely don't know).

June 24, 1976 (Letter from Grayce)

I'm just sitting here, listening to the rain, trying to rest for a while.  I've had a very busy morning. I've been working almost every day trying to finish everything I've started at work.  Tomorrow, my last day, approacheth, AT LAST, as even a lustfully awaited day will eventually do.  Today was my first day off (and at home) for 2 weeks -- so I had a lot to do, you know, the mundane -- cleaning, baking (which I haven't started yet), laundry (which I'm "doing" now), etc.  My last day at Seton Hill is not coming a minute too soon, because I've really started to rattle my cage for the past few weeks -- I suppose because an end was in sight I was even more impatient with things than usual. Sister seems to be doing her best not to have me regret leaving at all.  She tries to hard to give me really boring assignments to fill my last fays.  I try not to get around to them, because I want to finish up classifying a batch of pamphlets.  I decided that I'd ask for a letter of recommendation (I just felt presumptuous one day) and to my great shock, she said she'd be happy to recommend me. I decided not to send this letter out without seeing it (a good idea, since I've seen some letters she's written for other people!) so I went up to GSLIS to read it.  It was very nice (maybe she was afraid I'd not be able to get a job anywhere else & come back to haunt her?)  I saw Wray there & he began to badger me about "When was I going to get another Masters?"  Well yech! to that.  I told him the only thing I was really interested in right now was maybe an art program (he thought I should try Art History, which I'll admit might be more in tune with getting a job! -- but I don't really want to do it.  I would like very much to see what I can do.  (Not learn.)  I have a problem similar to y \ours -- "nothing is good enough" -- which is why I didn't go to art school in the first place.  I was so afraid I wouldn't be perfect.  My father tried to convince me that I was being foolish, but to no avail.  This doesn't mean philosophy was no good.  It really helped me in so many ways & was just what I needed at the time.  It probably did for me something like art would have done -- only not so much a therapy -- do you see what I'm getting at?  I realize it's being presented as clearly as mud!  Anyway, enough of that.

It looks as though it will be westward ho! for us come August 10th.  I'm fairly excited about it, but I do fear having my roots transplanted.  Maybe if I do it often enough, I'll get over this?  I will miss this house so much.  It really is exactly the way I wanted it now (except for 2 rooms we didn't do -- bedroom & spare room).  I wish you could see it.  I was so sorry everything was such a mess when you came in October.  It wasn't even a clean mess   You must have thought it was terrible! Maybe I can send you a few picture of the finished product.

My mother is very upset that we're going.  When we were home for Tommy's graduation, she made it very clear by crying for about 1/3 of the time we were there.  I've tried to make it exciting for her, too, by telling her how nice it will be for her to come out there & visit us & how'll we'll look forward to her visits, etc, but she doesn't want to play.  I was a nervous wreck by the time we were ready to go home.  The news of the flood that weekend did not help matters any, either.  I think she should really find  something that interests her, because now that she's home alone a lot, she gets very depressed.  She said she was going to look for a job.  I hope she can find one she likes.  It would really be good for her.

When I was at home, I saw my grandmother & she said the blood of that saint is not supposed to liquify until September.  She really believes in it because she's seen it happen.

I think my parents are going to come here before we go out west, so I guess we won't be going to Phila.  Of course, that could always change, because my father has a job that he can't really get away from too easily.  If we do come to Philly, I'd love to see you.  (Brook may not come; I may just fly in by myself -- see Mickey can fly!)  We might as well not make any plans yet, though, since I don't know what is going on.

Diane & Bev are coming for a visit for the weekend of July 18th.  (They are staying over til Monday, too.)  I don't suppose you'd like to come for a reunion then?  I was considering asking Bill Louden if he'd like to come too.  I know it would be a nuisance for you to do all that driving, so I won't press you, ok?  I'm sorry I'm such a pest, but I do like to see you & we may not see each other for at least 3 years after this.  (That sounds so terrible!!!)  (We're going to visit Fallingwater.  Does that tempt you at all?)

Our big decision for the month is whether to have me come along on our house-hunting trip to Idaho. Westinghouse will pay for Brook to go, but it will really be a business trip & he will have to show up at work every day.  (It will probably last a week.)  If I went, I could visit the real estate agents and do all that kind of thing during the day.  Unfortunately, the air fare is almost $300 and we'd have to pay for my meals, etc. also.  I'm not sure if it's worth it.  But maybe it would be. We're not sure whether we want an apt. or a house.  (We may not be able to get either because of the flood!) But we'd like a house, if we can afford one we like.  Housing will be at a premium now that so many were water-damaged, so I suppose we'll just have to wait & see.

We have to start looking for someone to buy this one, now.  I hope we make a profit after all the work we've put into it.  I know we'll never find another house as solidly built as this one is.  I'm definitely taking the stained glass.  I just can't part with it.  It would kill me to come back in a few years & see it broken or anything.  You didn't see the window on the 3rd floor.  It's blue & really pretty.  It's also LARGE -- so I don't know what I'll do with it, but hopefully it can just go over another window wherever we live next.

I just can't even think about packing, etc. yet.  I'm not looking forward to that part of moving at all!

I'm sending  you this carrot cake recipe becausae it uses honey.  (Didn't the other I gave you use sugar?)  I never tired either of them, but I think I'm going to bake this honey one tonight.  It sounds pretty good.

Take care

P.S. If you do read any Lessing, read The Four-Gated City instead of Golden Notebook because it is more explicit about her ideas, I think.  (It's the fifth book of a 5-book series, but it can be read without the others, I guess.

June 30, 1976 (Letter from Diane)

Photo credit:  Production Cars

Finally some rest and some time to myself!  I've been doing a great imitation of the headless chicken for about a month now and am paying the price -- literally & figuratively.  But things are getting back to normal.

This merry-go-round started Memorial Day weekend with a trip home.  My sister returned with me for a change of scene and to help me prepare for an influx of relatives the next weekend. I decided to finally buy a dining room set so everyone could eat.  Did you ever try to have furniture delivered within three days of purchase?  Not easy.  But we did it and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

The next weekend I went to the shore for the first time this season & it was miserable.  The wind was very strong and it stuck to the suntan lotion on everyone's skin.  We did see the flower show there so the trip wasn't a total loss.

Then came the big excitement.  My father called to tell me that the car dealership he works for got in a slightly used car in great shape with the equipment I wanted and was I interested?  I was, so I went home, looked it over & bought it.  It's gorgeous.  It's a 1975 Matador coupe with a red body & a cream vinyl roof.  The interior is black with white bucket seats and it's air conditioned!  The thought of all those car payments is scary but the price was extremely reasonable.  Unforgettably, it doesn't get the gas mileage the Ford did and it has a smaller tank.  Not realizing this, I nearly ran out of gas on the Schuykill Expressway.  Total panic!  But I managed to get to a gas station in time, thank God!

On Mon., my roommate from Penn State and her husband came for a few days.  He's going to Fordham in the fall and they're apartment-hunting.  They left Wed  and Fri., more houseguests arrived -- five, in fact.  A friend of mine from Altoona Public Library, two of her children and two of their friends stopped in route to NYC and on Sat., we left for the Big Apple.  The purpose of all this activity was to attend the ballet starring Margot Forteyn.  The whole trip, particularly the ballet, was great!  I came back feeling like I had two weeks vacation under my belt.  Over the 4th, I'll be home again, my sister will be down for the Elton John concert next week, it's Baltimore after that and then -- Pittsburgh!  Bev and I are planning to go the weekend of the 17th (if Brook doesn't have to go househunting in Idaho then.)  I really hope that you can join us there.  Bev wants to go to Poli's.  Remember when you, Bill Louden, Grayce & I went there and the waitress was so horrified when we asked for separate checks?   Maybe Woman's Lib has made more of an impression by now.  So, please try to wrangle some time off.

I'm happy that you're finding your job likeable.  (likable?)  Incidentally, I'm sorry to have let my ignorance of dictionary-making show.  But then, it's difficult to know everything -- not to mention boring.  It would be terrible to live without learning.

Enough philosophy.  I'm going to wash the dishes & soak my feet.  That's the kind of thrilling evening I'm having between weekends -- repairing the damage and resting up.

See you in Pittsburgh?

June 9, 1975 (Letter from Grayce)

This is truly a gorgeous day!  I just got back from in town where I bought my father a sweater (summer) for Sunday (Father's Day).  I didn't want to leave uptown because it was so nice, so I just strolled around for awhile, but, unfortunately, I can only stand that for so long -- especially if I can't go into stores and SPEND! It's like a disease.  I wish I could just control myself.  I buy things I really don't need sometimes.  Now that I'm trying to save money, though, I've gotten a bit more control over myself.  Although, with what I make, I doubt very much if I will be able to save much.

Anyway -- I did some weeding in my garden today.  It's really coming along.  I'm quite proud of myself -- as this is my first attempt at outdoor planting.  The tomatoes, lettuce, and onions are really growing quickly.  The lettuce will be ready to eat in a few more weeks, I think.  I'm so excited I can hardly wait!!!  Brook is ready to send me to a loony bin.  The night I planted everything, I couldn't sleep hardly at all and when I did finally get to sleep, I actually dreamed of plants and vegetables.  I had several dreams about them, too.  Some "good and some "bad".  In one of the "good" ones, I can remember seeing my picture in the back of a comic book holding a head of lettuce about 30" in diameter in one of those queer advertisements for fertilizer.  (Isn't that goofy?) Oh well.

Bev told me about her job hunting when she was here, too.  I hope she gets something she likes better. I really thought she liked it there, but I think she doesn't so much, anymore.  In my position, almost any job looks inviting, you know?

You mentioned being a parent.  I'm really scared to death of being in that position.  I think too many people have children who have no idea about what to do with them and don't really think about how they can affect their lives.  It's such an awesome responsibility.

An aside.  (I hope you never really doubted that I cared about your well-being, Tweet!)

Have you heard from Ken and Denise yet again?  I hope he's not too bad, although I can imagine that he's in a lot of pain.

Harvey is in the hospital.  Poor Harvey certainly has his share of problems.  His nerve tendons in both his hands have given him so much trouble.  On top of that he's diabetic and any operation is a risk for him.  He went in last week and it takes several weeks to recover from this thing and then a few months from now he'll have to go in for the other arm.  Well -- enough bad news....

Nothing much is really happening here.  I'm sorry if this letter is extremely boring.  I think I'll only continue it for 2 more pages.  (Paulie says, oh no, 2 more?!!)

I really like having Mondays and Fridays off now (besides weekends).  I really can't take that place full-time and remain sane too (if I may presume that I am presently sane?)

Right now I'm finishing a weaving for Rich Miller's wedding.  It's kind of primitive in earth tones, but I hope he likes it.  I haven't started on Ange's yet -- or rather, I have started in hers at least 4 times and each time I just take it apart because I'm not satisfied with it.  I guess I'm being ridiculous, but I really want it to be special cause she means so much to me.  We've been really close since 3rd grade and we're almost one person in so many ways.  She's one of the few people that I know who would put my welfare above hers in any kind of crisis.  I mean, some people you think might, but I'm really certain of Ange.  I guess cause I've never had ad sister (and she hasn't either) (she has 4 brothers) we just kind of adopted each other.

We haven't kept one promise very well.  We both promised each other when we were about 19-20 that we definitely would not get married til we were at least 28!  Oh well-

(I'm almost to the end, Tweet!!  Do you think you can bear my ramblings for another side of a page?)

My sewing project right now is a bathing suit.  I haven't had one for 3 years, because 3 years ago I gained 15 pounds in one year and I haven't had the discipline to get rid of them yet (what a dis-grayce I am!!!)  Anyway, I decided not to get a bathing suit til I lost that weight and so far I haven't lost it (yeck!)  But my hand is being forced.  Brook wants to go away for a weekend and I don't think (wherever we go) that the people there will appreciate my cut-offs and halter in their pool (if it has a pool and Brooks likes pools, so...)  I haven't given up yet, though. I'm making this so that it can be taken in, if and when the occasion arises.  Concentrate on that for me, if you please?

Well, I'd better start getting dinner ready.  No dessert!!!  (maybe a grapefruit?)

May 29, 1975 (Letter from Diane)

Actually, I haven't decided to take up residence at ol' Webster Hall.  But the thought did cross my mind.  I didn't realize how much I miss Pgh until we went back.  Anyway, for the rates Bev and I paid, the least I could do was swipe the stationery.

We had a great time except the trip was too short.  Grayce, Bev and I went to Scaife Gallery (I know I spelled it wrong last letter) which is pretty decent, the Lutheran Center which was having a book/plant sale for the Socialists, the Top of the Triangle which has yummy food particularly dessert, GSLIS which is completely remodeled and, of course, Boots and Saddle.  Unfortunately but true, Dr. Kolish, Mr., Lee, et. al., weren't there.  Maybe next time.

So the weekend after that being Memorial Day weekend, I went home.  What a trip!  Right off, I nearly got stuck at the Ben Franklin bridge (lights wouldn't change after I paid toll), made a wrong turn off the Schuylkill Expressway and, in a burst of sheer stupidity, but my turnpike ticket behind my sun visor from whence it blew out the window when I put the visor down. I had to pay the whole toll from Jersey and send to Harrisburg for a refund.  Then when I got home, I found out that the bride-to-be had scheduled fitting for the bridesmaids (one I am) at the same time we had invited 30 people to her surprise shower.  Panic!  Since I and another bridesmaid wouldn't be home again until the wedding, we had to contact the dressmaker (not easy) and switch times without arousing the suspicions of the bride (impossible).  We might have made it if the other bridesmaids hadn't decided to use the same lie for changing times that I had.  Well, we finally muddled thru both the shower and the fitting.  Then I had the trip back.  Everything was fine until I decided to stop for a pistachio ice cream cone.  No pistachio.  When I got back to the car, water was dripping out. Thank goodness it was only on overflow but it did scare me.  Then it was back at the B.F. Bridge where again I put my money in and again the red light refused to turn green.  This time I went through and consequently set off alarms and buzzers.  Luckily no police chased me -- my only lucky break of the weekend.  This weekend I'm going to my aunt's in Baltimore. Wonder what will happen.

If you have put up with this drivel so far, here's something that you might know about already.;  I read in the Pgh Wkly that Chilton is putting out a book in Oct called Sugar Blues (by Wm Duffy). They're publicizing it by distributing "How sweet it isn't" buttons.  Of course, sugar still isn't so bad as saccharin is for your health.

Speaking of health (mental), mine is going to be gone if I have to go through this historic mania for another year.  Today, I barely made it to the post office two blocks away.  At least, two schools with kids and teachers were touring and taking up all the sidewalk space.  And it's a year until the Bicen.  Going abroad sounds great-- can I come?

But mania didn't completely describe the city yesterday.  Totally berserk night.  2.3 million people went to see the Flyers on parade.  Horn honked, people streaked, and everyone acted like goofballs (which really isn't hard for Philadelphians!)  When I described the chaos to the librarian who lives across the street, she remarked, "I didn't realize that people got so worked up over a tennis game."  Sigh.

I must admit that I was concerned about you, Paul.  Your letters weren't sounding like you.  But the last one was much better.  Of course, spring is the greatest time of the year (hay fever notwithstanding) and from what Margaret has aid, Montana should be beautiful.  Incidentally, I'm impressed by the Deer Lodge envelope.  It seems like the kind of place my dad would like -- hunting and fishing territory.

Well, the maintenance people have fixed the bldg sewer backup (my tub was the first to back up, naturally, but they came to fix it right after I called at nine tonight) so I'm going to get ready to rest my weary, weary bones.  Keep me posted (and let us know when you're coming East -- maybe we can all get together.)

May 18, 1975 (Letter from Grayce)

Diane and Bev just left.  It was a very nice weekend.  We wished you have been here, also.  Aren't I awfully greedy?

First, may I say I'm really sorry about Dale.  He must be going through hell.  Have you spoken to him?  I think it would really be good for him to have someone speak to him without recrimination just now.  His guilt must be a vast thing to bear and more of a punishment than any other person could inflict from without.  I think you could do it very well -- being a gentle person.  Ultimately, it would make more of an impression than anything else he'll possibly hear now.

Paul, I hope I don't sound fatuous but "are you tired of writing to me?"  I really enjoy hearing from you but maybe you would need a rest?  If you'd like I will still write to you and you don't necessarily have to answer each time.  I don't know.  this sounds weird and not what I intend to say.  (Really I hope you don't agree to this because I'd really miss your letters), but let me know and we'll see what we can do, ok?

The weather here hasn't been so great, either.  It's been raining constantly.  I want to plan a small garden -- just some tomatoes, onions, peppers, and squash, but we haven't been able to dig up the ground cause it's always sopping wet.

I refuse to dig the ground because I did only a tiny piece by the side of the house and planted some bachelor buttons (which have probably drowned by now!) and I got an enormous blister on my palm.  Women's Lib can have this part of the fight as far as I'm concerned.  Pulling out your own chair is one thing; digging ditches is something else!

My cactus is not doing too well.  I can't figure it out.  I am convinced that cacti are not meant to flourish in this climate.  If they were, we would have some, wouldn't we?  It's entirely too humid. I hardly ever water the thing and I keep it in the sunniest place possible, but it feels like it's getting mushy and that means death is nigh.  Oh well, ---

No, I didn't attend Pitt's graduation.  It just would have been so meaningless.  Besides, Brook's sister graduated from Duquesne the week after that and Seton Hill's was the week after Pat's and I really didn't think I could take 3 Sundays of platitudes all in a row like that.  I mean, I don't go to church for exactly that reason, so why place myself in that position voluntarily?  It's bad enough that I had to go to those 2 others.  I did go get my diploma, though, since I had to go into Oakland to the doctor's anyway, $5 for that piece of paper.

Brook is out playing softball right now.  He joined a league that a bunch of his friends started. They all keep this bar (The Flame!) in business (or they did when they were younger, anyway) so the manager sponsors their team.  They're not too bad, considering they just got together this season.  They even have three flashy red nylon tee-shirts!  I liked them, but am not exceedingly thrilled about them right now since I've learned that they have to be handwashed separately.  Myeer!  Next year-- I will have something to say about the materials of the shirt, methinks!

Paul -- you had better come see us soon!  This is an order and not a request!  I really think that you are not happy there and should not stay any longer than necessary.  I hope I don't seem too audacious in saying this.  I worry about you, though.  I think you need more "civilization" around you.  And you sound said and I don't like to see you that way!  I apologize in advance if I shouldn't be so bold, but I can't help it.  Please consider this seriously.

Take care.

March 2, 1975 (Letter from Diane)

You disappointed me!  Here I was, expecting all kinds of sarcasm because I sent the Tweety stockings 3 weeks after Christmas.  Of course, being a former Scout  I was prepared to have the final word -- the Peanuts cartoon.  Since it's too good to miss, I'm sending it anyway  Incidentally, I was also late for Bev's birthday.  What do you expect from a person who was born 3 wks late and never caught up?

ALso enclosed is an offer from Aim toothpaste for a Tweety doll.  Unfortunately, I'm a longtime devotee of Colgate so I can't take them up on it.

I wish I could say that life has been wildly exciting but actually it's about the same.  This swinging singles stuff is for the TV and movies.  Bev and I did go to the Latin Casino this weekend.  I(It's similar to Pgh's Holiday House.)  The Fifth Dimension was performing -- they were excellent.  The food was awful; it reminded me of the Towers cafeteria.  And the parking attendant lost my car. Eventually they found it, thank goodness.  But I'm not sure we'll recover from the mad rush of 2.000 people all trying to get their coats from the clerks at the same time!  But as I said, the show was great and made up for the rest.

Your discontent with your present home is shared with several of us.  Bev would like to go back to Pgh, Grayce wants to stay in Philly and I miss my mountains.  I'm sure the shore will be a delight this summer but for the rest of the yr., N.J. has little to its advantage except its proximity to N.Y. and Philly.  And when the weather is miserable, it's really miserable.  The wind is terrific and the rain pours.  Of course, with the job situation being so bad and getting worse, I shouldn't complain. However, Pa is looking better all the time.

Work is getting to be frantic!  The people are realizing that a librarian is there and, as they should, they're asking for all kinds of library service.  The problem is the LC conversion and the paperwork that also has to be done.  I won't see daylight for at least a year.  But it's tremendously rewarding to see these engineers become aware of the resources available to them.  Education is one of the biggest aspects of the job.  Lack of it among the higher echelons is causing problems as far as money and, particularly, space requirements are concerned.   If I can make the library an integral part of the district, most of the problems will be solved.

Let me know what's going on in Big Sky country.  Are you really going to Seattle?  Still writing? Keep in touch.

January 13, 1975 (Letter from Diane)

Looks like we left Pgh a little early -- we're missing all that celebrating, rioting and general mania not to mentions the joys of GSLIS.  Of course, if you can't be with the Super Bowl winners, the next bet group is the Stanley Cup winners.

I'm glad that you're enjoying your work.  Mine is coming along slowly but steadily.  Basically the library is a neglected pile of old books and reports with inadequate cataloging.  My first move was to pack nearly twenty boxes of books for discard.  I've also been ordering equipment and basic library resources such as BIP.  Space is a big problem -- I'm overcrowded before I begin.  And I wish people would quit asking me if I came out of the typing pool.  Next month I'm going to D.C. to the Office of the Chief Engineer for an orientation.  I'm looking forward to it since it will give me a chance to compare problems and ideas.  Actually, since I'm really starting from scratch, I'll take all the help I can get.  Last winter, when I was designing a library for Smith's Spec Lib course, I never dreamed that this test would become reality!  I never dreamed either that one of the married men would ask me out the first weekend I was here.  Myer!  ()No, I didn't!)

Where does the money go?  Good question.  There's rent (I love my apartment but it costs), taxes, phone, electric, food, transportation ( I take the train to work), etc.  It's very expensive to set up a household without showers and wedding gifts!  My poor sister found this out the hard way when she came for a week's visit.  She tried making roast beef and mashed potatoes without a browning pan, a roasting pan, a saucepan lid, a masher, a gravy boat or ladle.  Surprisingly enough, it turned out to be quite delicious -- but still improvised.  To buy these things would cost me $30-40.  It's even worse when shopping for furniture.  The sofabed I liked cost $549 -- on sale.  I think I'll have to compromise between taste and finances!  Or go bankrupt 3 mos. after starting work.

I can't believe you hate Christmas.  It's the only time when I find hope for mankind -- at least until I get into traffic.  My decoration are still up because I dread taking them down.  In order to give you the proper spirit next year, I'm sending a package on Sat.  No, I didn't get it at the after-Christmas sale but explanation will be enclosed.

Philly is terrific!  Bev and I went to the Brandywine River Museum to see the Wyeth paintings.  It's a fantastic place -- a renovated mill which suits the paints well.  After all, where else would you find Jamie Wyeth's Pig, Angus, and acrylic sheep.

If this letter sounds disjointed, it's because I've been watching Ford in the White House Library.  It's a nice place.

Take care and keep in touch.

November 26, 1974

Whittier School hallway, Great Falls, Montana

Photo taken September 1974

Speaking of stationery...class, huh?  Just one glance into this box and its contents will reveal to you the secret workings of the maniacal mind, with all its twisted, circuitous routes.  The cigar box (compliments of Mr. Walker) was the strongest one I could find.  I wouldn't want Tweety's head squashed beyond recognition (although, maybe you don't even recognize his sweet face in the full now?)

Actually, when I first "began" Tweety, I had intended the day of his "completeness" to coincide with the day of your birth -- but human imperfection and laziness being personified in my being, such was not the case.  Please accept my contrite words of apology anyway.  You are now the proud (well, maybe that's putting it a little too strongly?) of one Tweet (not thoroughly approved by his owner, but loved all the more for his little imperfections).  Please note the scarf and how it carries out the "theme".

Last week I had the thrilling experience of returning once again to our old "Alma Mater" (funny, how I don't seem to be able to love her imperfections -- maybe there are only so many imperfections one can take!?)  Actually, I didn't want to go, because my last visit there awoke in my myriad strange feelings -- some good; some not so.  But I had called Kate a few weeks before and inadvertently mentioned that I'd be in to see her some day and unfortunately for me, she demanded me to be explicit -- i.e., I was to make an appointment....so.  Actually, I did like seeing her, but I would rather have seen her elsewhere.  I had intended to stop by quickly (*by going straight up to the seventh floor) and then leaving quietly.  But meeting Dr. Kryzs in the elevator foreshadowed disaster!  He was full of questions -- luckily I wasn't full of answers and I escaped.  Kate told me not to stay at this job longer than 1 year (I wish someone would stop saying that and do something constructive like tell me where to get another job.)  We had a nice chat and she was particularly interested in you.  I told her how happy you are and she was pleased.  Then I got up to leave.  I had left dough at home rising because I thought for use that I'd be home in time to roll it out and bake it and have it ready for dinner at 6:00.  But she asked if I had seen Wray and of course I said not.  So -- down to the 5th floor.  Everything has changed -- the library is now on the 3rd floor -- walls are gone, etc. very strange.

So -- I went down expecting to say hello-goodbye but surprisingly enough I talked to Wray (or rather, he talked to me) for almost 2 hours.  We never had a conversation like that before.  10 minutes at the most.  Actually, when I first saw him I felt extremely awkward, I just don't know why, but I couldn't find any words.  So -- then I got up to go and Mr. Lee called from his office and said "Aren't you going to visit with me?"  And really, I did want to see him.  By the way, he did not mention the index and I did not either because I figured if he had any spectacular news he would say it and he didn't so -- I see the index primarily as you do, although I would not mind seeing it published.  I was happy to do it because I feel that I got to know you lots better than if we hadn't and that's enough for it to have done, you know?

Paulie, I certainly did not expect a wedding present.  It was very sweet of you, but do not worry about getting it here quick.  Also, about letters, I would like very much if you, when one of my letters appeared, could be happy to receive it, and not worry about writing back so much.  Your letters are always welcome -- even the "mundane" ones.  I know how you feel.  I get in moods when I can't write much.  So don't feel you "must."  Even a short letter is better than none.  I don't wish to be a pest.  OK?

Brook feels as you do about Christmas.  I like it because I like to make things and stuff like that.  I like to decorate.  I suppose that is a very pagan attitude, but I look forward to it.  I do not like Christmas shopping or anything like that.  But I do hope you will change your mind and have a little tree?  You can decorate it simply.  I don't want to think of you there at Christmas alone.  I probably am making you sick so I will stop, but please reconsider?  Anyway, it is none of my business (but, of course) when did that ever stop me?

How nice about Ken and Denise.  I really don't think they could expect you to travel all that way, though.  It would be crazy.

Are you ever scared at work -- like when that fight occurred?  I don't know, I guess I'm really weird but I would be.

Did you look like you do now when you were 3?  (I mean minus the 6"2", of course) (actually, not minus all of it--)

Harvey mentioned the possibility of going back to the ministry.  I don't know though; he didn't seem really excited about It and I think if you're going to do something like that, you should be.  Oh, well, maybe he is and didn't show it.

Diane is terribly excited because she got Tweety glasses for you at Arby's (I think).  We are going to see her at Thanksgiving.  She's having dinner at my parents' since she wasn't going home for just one day   I really miss her very much.  We asked Bev, too, but she has the long weekend and is going home.

Speaking of Bev, I wrote out Robert's Christmas card last night.  It was certainly tame compared to some of the others that we've sent.  The idea is that I am now living in Philadelphia and missing Alabama's mild winters very much...poor Robert.  Bev said she saw him when she was home and he did not even stop to talk to her -- maybe he's guessed?  I don't know how, though.  It's really untraceable.  In a way, I feel sad now that I can only send him cards once a year, but actually he's probably very grateful and in a way it's better.

The people who live upstairs from us are from Washington State.  They wanted to come "east" for a few years.  They are quite nice.  (Vicki has a loom and will lend it to me.)  I've always wanted one but they are so expensive to buy.  Brook said he would make me one but if it gets done as quickly as the pottery wheel then I won't be able to use it, being crippled by arthritis.  I should not expect so much.  He's so busy not only with work but with this strange house.  He also is busy listening to me complain unnecessarily.

Only last week we spoke of selling this house and moving into some assembly-line apartment in which no plastering, sanding, painting, ----had to be done.  My passion for Victorian homes is slowly diminishing.  The people upstairs have lived here for 5 years and they are just beginning to be satisfied with all the work they've done.  We don't even know if we will be here that long.  I certainly don't  want to stay here for the rest of my life.  (Paul says, "enough, enough.")

Actually I don't need either a loom or a wheel because I won't have time to do anything like that. It's icing.  The house has to look half decent first, I guess.

I have to go in town today and naturally the weather is not cooperating at all.  It's raining and snowing -- slushy!yech.  But I simply cannot put this off anymore.  I'm so lazy lately (even lazier than before? he says, oh, it is not possible.)  By the time I get to work sometimes I am ready to leave, especially when I work til 10 on Thursday -- get home at 11:15 and have to get up at 6:30 Friday (I can't go to sleep at 11:15 -- especially after coming home from work.  I'm just too fidgety. I do regret it the next morning however.

Lately I'm been on this Graham Greene binge.  (Remember how I read everything Hardy wrote?) Well, I just started my 5th Greene novel and lo and behold -- on the dedication page a quote -- a Hardy quote (hmmmm).  I knew there had to be some connection.  Greene's characters seem fate-directed also, but not bound the way Hardy's are.  They have freedom to re-arrange things as they are set up and fate only presents them to situations.  That's how I feel fate really works, anyway.

It seems like I'm really boring, so...I'll stop for now.  (Paul says "whew!")

P.S.  Corneliusson -- I was reading a pamphlet on first name origins while I was organizing the vertical file at work and they explained in the intro how the origins of 1st and last names differed. You name just happened to be an example.  Just one line explaining how it had been shortened from that to Nelson.

November 7, 1974 (Letter from Diane)

In case you're wondering, Lindenwold (where I live) is 15 m. east of Philadelphia (where I work).  At the Army Corps of Engineers, that is.  Naturally, Grayce had quite a bit to say when she heard that.  Actually, she knew before I did since my father thoughtfully called her 2 hrs. before the wedding to tell her to tell me (iIwas at Bev's) that I got the job.  Speaking of which (the wedding), it's too bad y ou couldn't come.  Everything was lovely, except South Philly.

How's big sky country.  Margaret (next door Towers) would envy you!

October 22, 1974 (Letter from Grayce)

I've always really liked train whistles.  There's something very sad about them, though.  Today, on the way home from work (I have an hr and 15 minute bus ride) I got this overwhelming impulse to go to the ocean.  This is the first year of my life (except for my 1st possibly) that I have not gone to see my ocean.  I feel disloyal -- honest, it's a terrible feeling.  My favorite time to be there is about 8 o'clock (pm), all alone, when all the people are getting ready to go on the boardwalk.  It's the most peaceful time, especially if you can climb out over the rock and just sit.  I like Cape May best (have you ever been?) 'cause it's really unspoiled.  Sunrise is pretty nice, too, except the only time I've ever been was after I had stayed up all night and I was probably too exhausted those times to quietly appreciate.  (Aren't you thrilled to be hearing all this?)

*I thought you might appreciate this -- please notice the similarity between my present address and that of my parents.

You sound quite happy about work and that makes me happy.  I'm sure the people you help are really glad to have you.  I'm sure you're learning even more than they are.  When I was at Villanova, I took a course called "Black Urban Experience" (which was a sociology major's practicum but I convinced the dept head that a phil major should have this type of course, also.)  Most of the other soc courses seemed pretty worthless.  I was really glad I got this course (did I tell you about it?) We were really to design our own project and everyone did something different.  Most of the kids were afraid to go into Phila and do something so they picked a "ghetto" area around V.U. which is really a laugh since the rent average around that area is about 200/300 a month and hardly any of the blacks in Ardmore were exactly poor.

But I had been going up to Temple a lot (most of my friends were in Theater there) and had helped with the production of The Cage which was put on by this Barbed Wire Society -- a group of ex-cons who live together in a sort of commune, only not so utopian as many are.  So I decided to apply with them for a semester.  It was one of the best things I ever did -- although I must admit I was scared at first.  In fact, there 2 guys later told me they were apprehensive about me at first, too, because they didn't trust me.   (They didn't trust me?)  Anyway, I can understand you excitement about what you're doing and I know you'll be very successful because of the type of person that you are.

You told me to remind you of apples this time, so APPLES.

I always said you led a charmed life.  I recognized it almost immediately.  It wasn't in any specific instance, but there was something there.  I don't mean to harp (honest) but in a way, fate does tie in here.  I do not feel that I am fated to be a famous person per se, or very successful in a conventional way.  Rather, I seem drawn to certain people I know will be.  (You being one whom I feel has a certain thing to do.)  One of my friends told me (one who I feel will be very "famous") (I don't mean this in any sensational way) that she felt that she had to know me and that her whole future might depend on that.  When she said this I was just appalled.  I was even a bit afraid of her for awhile.  I certainly am no "guiding light" and I told her so but she still persists in this belief and usually before she does anything of even slight importance she consults me.  Of course, my "advice" is not always heeded and sometimes I hesitate or refuse to give any.  (Once I gave it unasked when I thought she was in particular danger and she was not at all pleased, for which she was really right, so I never did that again.)

Anywhoooo -- I've forgotten what the point of this entire things was in the first place now.  I certainly have a keen mind!   I was going to ask something about your statement about your erratic and non-committal character, but it's gone now, oh well...I'll probably think of it just as I'm mailing this.

I don't suppose I will ever get to read your journals unless they are published huh?  (Not that I'd expect to; I don't think I'd let anyone read mine.)  I don't suppose they will ever be published within my lifetime (this one, anyway) either, since they will probably go into print after y our are gone and with your healthy notions you'll definitely outlive me -- at least by 30 years, I'd guess.  I think I'll die by the time I'm 55.  (Of course, I won't mind if I live longer.)  Then I guess during my next lifetime I will come across them in a bookstore (providing I like to read in my next lifetime) and I will instantly be drawn to them.  After all, I do feel that I've known you before and probably for a fairly long time. Why else would things happen the way they do?  Why do we meet some people who are very much like us and whom we really don't like and don't feel drawn to?  (Sorry about the dangling participle, I'm always doing that.)  And then others who may be very different from us seem like old friends in a little short while?

Anyway, I'll be that man you met on the way to Minneapolis who was your father from another life or something like that.  I love to think about stuff like that.

Diane got that job in Phila.  I knew she would.  She will like it very much, I'm sure.  Also, she's only a 30 minute ride form Bev in Delaware.  And now when I come home for visits I can see them at least.  I don't think Pittsburgh can ever be my home.  I'm probably being very unfair, but it's just a big Altoona to me, y'know?  I feel kind of isolated in this place.  The neighbors are mostly older, but not old enough for me to go visit (more nearly my parent's age than my grandparents' age.) This sounds weird, I know, but I just feel this way.  I miss having friends my age to clown around with and I can't let myself become wholly dependent on Brook (although that would be really easy) because it just isn't good.

You might have guessed from my tone (bongggg) that I'm slightly lonely.  Actually, I shouldn't have time to be lonely.  When I'm not working or climbing my 1 1/2 mile hill to get to work from the bus, I'm sanding shelves (with that little sander we bought at Sears that day) or painting, or...ad nauseum.  So -- don't listen to me.  I'm a complainer from way back -- as I'm sure you've already surmised.

I must say first that I feel very sorry for Leslie.  I've never met her, but I know about her that she has good taste and that she has intuition and great love.  I suppose a final ending is best and in the long run hurts less than a long drawn out one.  I do hope she is alright as she seems so in love with you.

I think I have mentally written this part of the letter at least twelve times (mostly on the bus), and the versions have ranged from the sublime to the ridiculous.  Each one has also been mentally ripped up and thrown into the mental circular file.  My basic feeling is likely to be vague and I hope you will be patient with me.  I simply cannot write about this to any great extent.  The things I would like to say to you are things which should be said; they are things which go better with a smile and a hug rather than things which go with ink and paper.  Please understand.  I know you will.

Do you think we can postpone any further discussions of this until we can do it in person?  (I feel certain that we will be able to in the near future.)

I admire and respect your honesty (for telling me) and your self-discipline (for not telling me all the times you probably wanted to.)

Please know how fortunate I feel to be your friend.  Our friendship certainly has enduring qualities -- tempered strength.  I trust you, which is something that usually takes me longer to do than a few months. You must know that you have a very special place in my heart.

October 4, 1974 (Letter from Grayce)

Let me begin by answering your questions...(and let you begin by feeling the proper guilt for not having answered all of mine!) -- actually, I'm only jesting -- although I would be quite pleased if only you could tell me your opinion about fate (please?!?).  I know I am a terrible pest (mea culpa, etc.), but if only the kind gentle man (may I sop here and tell you -- yes I do have some point to make, only wait a few more seconds...) what a perfectly (oh well, almost perfectly, I supposed no one is really perfect -- I mean within reason) kind and thoughtful  person you are to take an interest in that woman.  This is the kind of thing you can't say in person very well, so I'm  happy that I can write it.  (Sorry to be writing on the wrong side of this, but what with the paper shortage )

So anyway, please comply (or be pestered completely!  (abt. fate, I mean).

Now (finally and with no more ado!) your questions:  1) tete-a-tete; 2) no, you did not tell me why Pgh was a fantasyland for you.  Why?; 3) no, I never (hardly ever, maybe) capitalize library science -- which brings me to the next question -- #4 ("What is your actual opinion of library science as a career? Be truthful now.")

Let me ask you if you have ever read Plato's Republic?  In it there is a discussion of the real and the unreal.  Plato feels that for each thing on earth there is some perfection which is being imitated.  (i.e.) If there is a chair on earth it is really only a chair, while the chair (or chairness) is somewhere else and being the only perfect chair nothing matches it -- although all good chairs aspire (to different degrees, naturally).  These perfections are form (essential forms of goodness).

Now -- he tells an allegory of a cave into which prisoners are taken (that's us Tweet).  They are forced to sit facing one of the walls.  In back of them (and they can never turn around) there is a "stage" where things and people can be.  They can move and be moved.  No -- I'm sorry.  The people and things are actually in front of the prisoners, but it happens that they are hidden from the prisoners by a roaring fire which comes between the 2 groups.  

Naturally, the fire casts a shadow of the people and things behind it onto  the wall which the prisoners face.  They see only the image and not the real and the recognize the image as the reality.

If they were released from those chains it would perplex them to be confronted with reality.  It would be painful, but it would be "worth it" since they would experience wisdom.

The last thing to be perceived in the world of knowledge is the essential form of goodness (true reality).  Without this, wisdom is not possible, so it is necessary to detach appearances and reality.

Therefore -- library science seems fit to relegate to the realm of the image (the shadow  rather than being anything real.  It appears to be a passive, menial "profession" with very little to offer one who wants to perform a real function.  It does not seem to be the type of work an activist could be attached to, being so staid and dry.

We -- as librarians -- are confined, it seems to me that we realized this before though, if not consciously, then at least in a small subconscious way.  We just hoped for more, you know?  I suppose to finish the comparison, we are kept from really doing (as the prisoners are kept from really seeing).  If we were given a chance to act maybe we wouldn't be up to accepting it -- or maybe we just wouldn't know what to do.

It would further seem that we could free ourselves but that this would involve hardship ($ not mental) and also what else would we do?

I don't know if this makes any sense at all, really.  At this point I'm hardly the person who would be stable enough to see anything like this clearly and you are probably all ready to have me escorted (white jackets, etc.) to the nearest looney bin.

I suppose my job is not too bad.  It is very hectic and I'm not exactly bored.  But by exactly bored I mean that it's frustrating in many ways.  It certainly is a far cry from what I've ever had planned as a lifework for myself.  I sometimes just stop and wonder just what the hell I'm doing at that place where nuns and only other women abound (I like to talk to men once in awhile and I'm sick of hearing about the guys at Vincent's - Seton Hill's brother school).  Every girl at Seton Hill dates someone from Vincent's -- how quaint! how parochial!!

Seton Hill is a cookie factory -- where almost (I have met some very interesting people) everyone is awfully similar.  It's just depressing   It is also a place where not to much (or no) independent or creative thought of any kind is appreciated.  (Do you know that I stapled something in an "unorthodox" way and had to remove all the stuff I did and change it.  I mean how mundane can you get?)  Also I am in charge of reserves which is a realllll pain (and not only an apparent one!)

I certainly sound mean.  I do the vertical file (subject headings, acquisitions, etc.) which I enjoy but hardly ever get to touch because of "priorities".  I also "do" the picture collection which I have never done 'cause of the above.

Also (last but certainly not least) I do the library statistics!  (And nI am not so good at it, either!) and I get to copy them all very neatly into a ledger -- a real scrivener!

(Ah Bartleby!  Ah, humanity!

I'm certainly being good company, well -- anyway, Bev seems quite thrilled about her job, so I suppose there's some good in it.  She (and you, too) are at least on your own.  Although I shouldn't complain 'cause I'm definitely learning something from the 2 people I work with.  (If it's of value remains to be seen,m of course!)

I don't know, I just hope things turn out all right.  (That's the trouble with being brought up Catholic -- always hoping for miracles.  Maybe I should move to New York and hang around 34th Street?)

This week has been been going pretty well -- actually (and surprisingly).  Yesterday, I got to see Diane (who had an interview at the Phila Customs House where I used to work!) for dinner.  It was so nice, almost like old times.  She is staying with Bev in Delaware.   (Bev works at Delaware State Hosp.)  It would really be nice if Diane got this job.  I hope she does; it's really a neat place to be.  Only 1 block from the wharfs -- really picturesque.  Also, she wants to be near home but not too near, so this would fit in.

I took the bus home (horrors!) on Wed.  I met the most intriguing person.  This guy from London who was traveling across America by thumb and by bus.  Her certainly was nice and we talked (nonstop) for seven hours.  When Phila came, (he was going to N.Y.) we had dinner and I felt as though I were leaving an old friend when we kissed goodbye.  It was very strange, but very nice.  He said that parts of my Philadelphia accent were borrowed from very high class (snobby) English, and he was amazed that he was hearing this in America.  (Imagine that!)  I suppose I shall have to tone that down!  (If I ever went to England it wouldn't help because I could never be mistaken for class!)

I think we've miscommunicated about perceiving what others really feel and think.  I do believe it can be done and I feel I often do it, but I wonder if what we think is the subconscious thought or feeling which we are viewing is really only another coverup.  Or a calculated thing?

That's really what made me take up reading cards.  Not so much to inform the other person of himself, but often to inform myself about the other person.  There are insights to be gotten from not only the information the cards give, but also the reactions the person has to what the card say.   These insights are not otherwise readily available for view in any form, let alone a form so easily discernible.

What? -- oh, never mind;  it's a vicious circle.

Right now I am very happy about the wedding and I thank you for you good wishes.  I'm most excited about going to New England this week because I know it will be gorgeous.  I'm sorry to go on about this but It's the only thing (violins, softly  which I have had to look forward to for the past few months.

Please do send me come smpale of your writing if you wish to, ok?  I would like it very much.  Take care now.

P.S.  I haven't seen Kate or spoken to her.  Everytime I call her she seems to be out.  I will say "hello" to her for you when I finally do get to see her.

September 10, 1974 (Letter from Grayce)

Your organization ("I keep all the letter I have received in ring-bound notebooks") constantly amazes me!  Never again do I wish to be poked fun at about "urgent".  I have been painting all night and am really tired.  It is not a good way to begin a letter, as a matter of fact, this is really absurd, but I think I'm going to stop now and do this tomorrow when I can give it my full attention (see: how important I consider you?!).  Good night....

11 September 1974 -- Well, this is much better.  From your letter you certainly seem to be adjusting rather well to your new environment   I didn't know that polar bears were quite so versatile!  (Maybe it's that cooler climate bringing out your inherent qualities.

Today was a very nostalgic day.  I had a doctor's appointment in Oakland -- so decided to stop by at GSLIS first to see Mr. Lee (who wasn't in -- as usual).  Dr. Kolish was out also, but I did see Mr. Wray  and all the secretaries and Dr. Immroth was so nice to me.  He really looks fine, ans says he's doing well.  I'm so proud of him.  He's really a nice person, but I worried about this way of life.  You know, he actually looks 10 years younger?

I saw Ray Martin.  He said "hello".  I also saw the new batch of students in the library, lounge, etc.  None, of course, quite as precocious as we.  My doctor is on the 500 block of N. Neville -- so -- (my ever-failing sense of direction leading me) -- I decided it must be 1 block up from where you used to live and over 2 blocks.  Guess again.  I passed old "lacucaracha heaven" on Melwood and from there on it took me 1/2 hour to find the good doctor.  Oh well...

Send me a picture of "typical Montana".  I know I shall never see it in person, except by maybe a weird twist of fate.  Speaking of fate -- how do you feel about it?  I love it, actually sometimes.  I guess that's why I like Hardy.  Sometimes things seem awfully controlled to me, you know?  I mean, there are endless possibilities to a situation and it seems as though the possibility that occurs always fits in with another possibility occurring along the parallel of what's happening.  I kind of wonder if possibilities count at all, or if they're just put there by the Practical Joker (Melville's idea of God is certainly bizarre, but maybe  it's true?) to make us think there are endless possibilities?  I don't know, obviously another thing that's been bothering me lately -- human emotion.   Maybe I've always previously had the good fortune to meet simple, open people -- but I always felt that human emotion was a very transparent thing -- or at least translucent.  But lately (as far back as a few years ago, really) it seems much more opaque.  I mean, I didn't always feel that feelings were bared consistently or without guard exactly, but merely that they were fairly easy to discern.  I felt that I could glean from expressions, glances, gestures what a person felt, or at least a slight approximation of their emotion -- not an empathy because I feel that that is very rare and not even consistent among very close people.  But I dont' feel it so much anymore.  Even in people with whom  I've formerly felt it -- only sometimes.  I feel that there are layers and layers of depths and each has to be peeled.  I'll bet even when you reach the core there's something hidden -- a little seed that is impossible to open.  Oh, listen to me (or rather, don't).  See what happens when you get involved with philosophy majors!  They're a bizarre crew!

Anyway to make a long story short (although I never do), I just know that there are some things (both about ourselves and others) that we just can never know!  It's just beyond our reach.  I just got the full impact of that, maybe I'm just slow.  That must be it...I'm just newsy -- I want to know everything.

I'm going to change the subject completely for some good news -- Bev got a job!!!  Only I don't know where -- I just got a phone message that she called while I was out.  I'll let you know what's what as soon as I know.  I'm glad; she was really miserable these past few weeks.  Diane is still looking but she seems fairly calm -- I have never seen Diane worry past the point of just saying "I'm worried" -- I mean, no nervous mannerisms, etc.  Very stable, wish I could imitate!

By the way, I've just decided that you are not allowed to move anywhere for another two years -- at least   I have 3 addresses for you in my address book and if you move once more you will ruin everything, so STAY STILL!!!  (ok?)  (pick, pick, pick)  Maybe someone will give us an address book for a wedding present -- one that has interchangeable spots for addresses.  I mean it -- my friends are vagabonds.  I myself have had only 6 addresses in my life (and most were summer).  Why can't people follow this good example?  (heh, heh)

Did I tell you that I got no duplicates of anything at my shower?  (which was held regardless of the fact that I explicitly stated that there was to be none!)  The noive!  Anyway -- sorry -- no toaster oven will be arriving for you (I didn't get one either, don't cry, tweety!)  We'll see what happens with wedding presents -- I give you fair warning though -- don't expect any address books -- I need all of those that I can get!

This job is really hectic!  The director is a nice woman, but very disorganized and she has all of us a wreck.  I keep reminding myself that this job is not worth killing myself over-- but my brain can't seem to get the message straight -- I'll probably have 3 ulcers by April (if I last that long!)  I'm in charge of "Reserves" (oh, joy!), also picture file and vertical file (neither of which have I even seen yet -- they being what I'm interested mostly in!)  I had forgotten what it was like to be under a nun's wing.  (Oh only that it could have remained forgotten.)

In high school I gradually lost all respect for Catholicism per se -- in college I found (in Phil and Theo  a reason to respect it again -- to actually like it, even and to hold it dear again.  I have a penguin's chance in hell of keeping this here.  This place is really provincial (I can understand why your friend Barb left.)  I can't wait til Oct 3rd so I can come here only to work.  It seemed like an ivory tower -- now it seems like prison.  Stifling is too good a word.  I can't say what I feel about the job yet because I haven't gotten accustomed to ti or to all the people yet.  It will take at least 2 months, if not longer.  (myeer!)

You know, I really wish I had a job like yours -- it seems interesting, but with so many insights to get.  I suppose it will never happen -- but maybe, meanwhile you'll have to tell me all about it -- ok?  Everything -- even little thoughts you have about it.  Do you mind?  If so, tell me.  You probably think me such a pest.  I'm sorry.

I hope you are well, and not lonely out there.  But you like to be alone, huh?  But not always?  Have you written anymore dreams lately?  What does your place look like (colors, etc).  Is it large?  Polar bears should have room for their coat to breathe.