May 5, 1976 (Letter from Grayce)

April & May always seem to be very hectic for me -- and doubly so this year.  I'm awfully sorry I haven't written before this, but I truly did not have time & I don't  like writing little notes & saying I will write more next time -- I feel like such a cheat!

I am curious to know if you received the letter I wrote you at your aunt's & uncle's?  It's not really important, but I just wanted to know because the day after I got the address I washed my jeans and part of the paper was gone.  I just want to know how accurate my memory was.

Anyway -- I am really happy that you are happy in  your new place & your new job, etc.  What color is your car?  Do you have any nice neighbors to keep you from getting lonely?  I mean, aside form your family.  It must be nice to work with people you like.  Sister has arranged our schedules so that Mary & I hardly ever see each other anymore & even when we do work on the same day, we are not "allowed" to go to lunch together (although there is no logical reason for this -- except that Sister doesn't want us to).  I'm sure she thinks we talk about her all the time when we're together (actually, we do, but not all the time) (heh, heh).  Anyway, I won't bore you any longer about my job -- it makes me sick just to think about it.  I do think I'll be quitting at the end of June, so maybe I can put up with it 'til then.

What has been keeping me busy lately, is that Brook's sister is getting married on May 26.  Her boyfriend,m Terry, plays in a jazz band & didn't find very well-paying jobs in Pa. up 'til now, but he went to Florida a few weeks ago & got a good offer.  Since he will have 2 weeks free before he starts, they decided to get married soon & go right down.  Otherwise, he'd probably have to work for about a year without any large amount of free time, and they really didn't want to wait quite that long.  I went out with Pat today to pick out her gown.  I'm sure you're extremely interested in all of this, huh?  Just on the edge of your seat with anticipation of what will come next?

We haven't heard bout Idaho yet.  I wish they'd hurry up & let us know, because I hate not to know what I'll be doing in August.  I'm getting antsy.  I'm hoping we go; and if not I'm going to have some serious thinking to do about my situation in general.  I've become disenchanted with library work, I'm sorry to say.  I know why, but intellectualizing the reasons doesn't help very much.  I just feel like getting into something else entirely right now.  I'm not exactly sure what.  Any suggestions?  I wish I werent' so apprehensive about trying new things -- I usually like new things but I eventually do try, but it takes me forever to relax into doing them.

I'm sorry -- all this babble.  You must be asleep by now -- what does all this matter anyway!

My brother graduates high school in June (the 6th).  My parents are holding their breath, I think. He's not being convinced that he should go to college (& why should he, really?)  It seems to be upsetting my father very much.  This surprizes me because he's not usually so achievement oriented.  (Sometimes, but not usually.)  He cannot understand why Tommy, who gets 95's in physics & does exceptionally well in mostly all sciences & math, doesn't want to go on in it.  (He also never studies.)  The school he goes to is pretty academically inclined, so I suppose he is pretty talented to do so well.  My father was really pushing him to go to Drexel (where he went) but Tommy refuses.

I don't think they'd be so worried if he had a "viable alternative".  But his main ambition right now seems to be to maybe get a part-time job in a clothes store -- not their idea of a viable alternative. I told them to leave him alone & see what he comes up with after a few months, but I don't know if they will or not.

Tommy must be feeling all this, because he called me the other day -- something he's never done before.  I though tit funny that he didn't mention anything though, but maybe he wanted me to initiate that kind of talk.

I suppose if you have a sister with 1 degree in Philosophy & 1 in library science & she has a job she doesn't care for after all that time, it is not exactly an enticement to do what she did, huh?

He also seemed pretty upset about Idaho.  He said kiddingly that he was going to disown me, but I can't help but feel that maybe he meant me to know that I'm deserting him.  I do wish I could see him more often.  He's changed so much in the 3 years that I haven't seen him regularly.  He's really a person now; sometimes I feel like such a stranger.  If we do go to Idaho, it won't get any better.  I'd like to have Tommy come here for about a week this summer just so we could get acquainted again.

Brook & I have become real "back-to-nature" people lately.  Two weekends ago, we went to visit Willy at Penn State & well all went camping at Poe Valley -- it was really a reunion.  Last weekend we went fishing (& didn't catch a thing).  Actually, I took along lots of paper to write you a long, long letter while I was there, but I was so bored I almost went crazy & I simply fidgeted like a madwoman -- so this was not conducive to good letter writing.  (Looking back over this letter, I'm beginning to wonder just what is!)

Have your read anything really exciting lately?   (Fiction)  I have enough philosophy non-fiction to keep me busy.  Doris Lessing is still on the top of the charts as far as I'm concerned.  I just finished her Golden Notebook.  I'm running out of  her & I'm sorry.  Maybe I shouldn't go on these binges, but I just can't wait.

Oh well, I guess I"ll say goodbye now (if you're still here, even!)

November 5, 1974 (Letter from Grayce)

Whittier Elementary School, Great Falls, Montana

Photo taken September 1974

Dear. Mr. Corneliusson (as elongated older version of your last name I came across just recently).

As I write today, I am listening to the record I ordered the day we were in town.  (Debussy's Syrinx for flute solo).  It was his last work and I really like it best of all the others.  I might even go far enough to say it's my favorite classical piece.  The mood I have to be in to really enjoy it doesn't just open up every day, though.  It's such a thoughtful and restrained piece of music that to listen to it when I'm not feeling thoughtful and peaceful would be a type of sacrilege.  It  has a very mysterious quality and can be ethereal at times.  It would be like touching clouds to really explain it so I will stop   I hope you can hear it someday.  The first time I heard it was in January when Brook's sister invited us to an evening of chamber music that she had to give with other people in her class.  I was feeling bad that night and this music was perfect.

I thing (actually, I do speak English) think I told you the story of Pan that it was written to represent.  (He falls in love with a young mortal woman who is afraid of him and hides from him in the reeds.  He cannot find her and sighs deeply and his breath carries over all the reeds and makes the sound of syrinx.)  It's truly beautiful story.

Oh well, enough of this.  You're probably asleep by now.  (Of course, you could always skip the parts of a letter that bore you -- it's not like just walking away from someone that's talking to you, huh?)

I had intended to recommend a crock-pot to you in my last letter.  I got one as a shower gift from Tobin and she said that no "career person" should be without one.  It's really good, isn't it?  Suzy Homemaker has been experimenting a lot lately.  Brook hasn't died of ptomaine yet, so I guess I'm not all that bad.  Last night I made stew (in the crock-pot) and it was really good.  The meat was so tender it fell apart.  If you haven't made that yet, please do.  I made garlic bread and a fresh spinach salad (with Caesar dressing) to go with it.  I'm making myself soooo hungry.  ON Sunday (here I go again) we got the pumpkins we had planted in the summer and I made pumpkin pie.  I think I'm going to have to go on a diet before Thanksgiving (just to stay at my present situation) because we are going to Phila for the holiday and my mother has already called up and asked what we want.  Brook, of course, wants veal scallopini (for Thanksgiving!?) so that mean we'll have it the day after, and I know she'll have all kinds of goodies to tempt me.  I used to be much better at resisting these things.  My will power needs some kind of incentive, I think.  I will have to dress something good up.

Speaking of home, I'm sorry your sister is having a bad time.  But at least she has those nice plans about New England to think of and work for.  I think everybody wants to live in N.E. or California.  I wouldn't want to live in Calif, but I'd really like N.E. -- I like the climate very much.

My news from home is that my brother Tommy (age 15) is "going steady" with a girl who is going to be 20.  My parents are certainly not thrilled to death about it, but they are wisely (for once)( not interfering and not badgering him.  The problem seems to be that Vera "wants to get married". (This seems a little ludicrous to me since he's only 15!  I mean, why would she pick him?)  It's strange.  She's very nice but she's a non-entity.  Her opinions are never even voiced, let alone considered by Tommy.  He's so independent and he kind of lets her tag along, but he does like her a lot.  He's just really immature and doesn't know how to treat her, or anything.  In a way, this will be very good for him.  It's her I'm worried about.  I can't imagine what she's getting out of this relationship, you know?

One thing that bothers me about her is that she graduated from high school 2 years ago and has never gotten a job.  She just stays home all day.  She has 7 brothers and sisters and I guess she helps her mother, but her father died quite awhile ago and I just thought some money would come in hand there.  It's none of my business, of course, but I just can't understand how someone can just do nothing for 2 years!  Myeer!  I would go crazy, I think.

I have to go now cause I have to go to work.  ON Tues and Thurs I start 1 1:00 and work til 10:00.  I was just really getting into this letter, too.  Oh well---

(11/7/74)  -- well, here I am again with lots of energy.  Actually, it is 6:30 am (the middle of the night for me) and I just have washed my hair and I am sitting here deciding whether to set it or not. Brook is already at work.  He had some big top secret engineering to get done today.  It had to be done before everybody was at work, so...and once I wake up fully it's almost impossible for me to go back to sleep.

So, you're stuck with a letter from a tired but awake person.  I'm sorry, but I have a feeling that this letter isn't inspired.  Do you hate this trivia? or what?!

Your phone sounds quite appropriate.  What does you apartment look like?  Colors, age, etc.  (please answer this!)

Guess what?  The other day I went shopping in Wilkinsburg and I passed by the pipe shop and decided to go in and ask for a few cigar boxes (I'm making wooden Xmas tree decorations and they're 3-dimensional so I need a place to store them so they don't break) and lo and behold! the man behind the counter was none other than Harvey Walker.  No sooner did he see me than he started telling everyone (at least 10 people!) that I was his ex-wife and I still went up to visit him on Thursday nights when his present wife worked  etc. etc. -- same old Harvey!  Anyway, it was really nice to see him, despite the fact that 10 people now think we are both crazy, immoral, or both.  I haven't gotten up enough courage to go in and see him again, yet.  I think I will wait for an off-time at the store.

Do you know I haven't seen Kolish yet either? or even spoken to her.  Kate certainly is elusive.  I've called several times and no luck.  I hope she's alright.  I think I'll try again today.  I have to go to Oakland on Nov. 18 so maybe I can see her then!

I am quite excited about tomorrow.  One of the library aides that I've gotten friendly with is taking an indep study in pottery and she's going to let me use her wheel tomorrow!  I haven't done it in such a long time so I've a little apprehensive, but I can't wait!  There's something really neat about playing with clay and mud.  I guess I feel that way because I am an earth sign.  Does your sister like to play with earth?

Right now, as I look around myself, at this mess, I am quite discouraged.  This house is at least 08 years old and I don't believe anything has been done to it for at least 20 years (maybe not even cleaned!).  There is plaster everywhere and the curtains that are on most of the windows are nothing short of hideous.  We can't fix anything until Brook finishes his cabinet which is being built into the wall, so- it will take at least until Christmas to do that.  (shudder)  I don't even feel like cleaning cause it doesn't help one bit!  I have so many ideas and it is frustrating to not get to do any of them. Oh well...

By all means, do send some samples of your journals.  I would especially like to see some representative things about your time at GSLIS -- I mean at different times there, if your opinions changed or altered much.  Actually anything you send would be fine.  Do you like going through all that and editing?  It would be very tedious for me since I am very impatient.   Kierkegaard never went over any of his writings.  They just poured out like a waterfall.  He wrote 20 volumes of journals (each quite large also) and his philosophic works are so voluminous as to really amaze the person who realizes that he died in his very early forties.  (Paul says -- oh no -- do I have to listen to her talk about this goofball again?!)  I'll stop; I promise.

What's prison chow like?

As for travel, I'm not sure how I feel about it.  I used to think it was very exciting but I'm not so sure now.  It seems that I believe in the solidarity of mankind and that most men are awfully basically alike. Maybe it's only because I haven't been to any other really different places like the Orient.  I would love to visit China before the art is totally negated by that state.  From what I've read they are trying to do away with all of the past -- even Confucius.  I think this is a crime -- to take people out of their identity and mold them all together.  I feel that all men placed in the same situation who have the same milieu react very similarly, i.e., I don't believe in "bad" men and "good" men but that, inherently  man becomes what he does.  Like all those people in prison were sort of "channeled" into the lives they led.  And most will probably be channeled into it again when they leave.  I don't know how travel brought this stuff up.  Please excuse this disjointed rambling!

Are you going to go home for Xmas?