April 7, 1975 (Letter from Grayce)

This paper reminded me of Deer Lodge and You.  Did I tell you how good it was to hear your voice again?  Honest, I was quite overwhelmed by it, and very pleased   Especially since you didn't sound sad and I was less worried about you when we hung up.  Thank you so much for calling.

About "our bookstore" -- (heh, heh).  Actually, it's fast becoming an obsession.  I spoke to Brook about its not only being a dream but a reality in a few years hence, expecting him to put this in perspective and say, "No, it won't work -- we'll never get money" and various other sundry statements.  (Not that he's a negative person, but he's very realistic and not a featherhead like me.)  But -- lo and behold -- he was very excited by the idea and was even full of ideas of his own!  I told him he could be the acquisitions person for technical subjects and have the title "Chief Consultant for technical programs" and he was quite pleased.  Of course, I don't think this will come about very soon but it's definitely a favorite possibility of mine at the moment (it also appears as a happy escape from the humdrums of daily library routine!)  Maybe when (not if) you come see us in September we can all sit down over a lovely (ahem) dinner and discuss it?  Anyhoo -- it's something to plan and save for.  Now that I have something specific we thought it might be a good idea if I saved some of my salary (paltry though it is) for this possibility.  If it fell through I'd still have some money and I find it difficult to save if there's no need in sight.

Anyway, I must leave for work now.  There's a "faculty meeting" today and I've got to try and get there earlier (bleaaghhh!)  But I will definitely finish this letter as soon as possible!  pronto-immediatement.

April 9, 1975 -- Not quite so immediately, huh?  Well, things have been happening quite weirdly here lately (not so unusual in my weird life, though).  Yesterday when I was at work I (thank God) answered the phone call and it just happened to be for me.  (I share the director's office and phone so she was sitting right there.)  Anyway, I answered the phone and gave my name and this woman on the line says, "Grayce, I'm glad I got you -- I want to know if you're still interested in the job you applied for with Fisher Employment Agency (I applied for this around Xmas time and just figured they would laugh at me because they wanted someone with 10-15 years experience.  Not hearing, I figured that was that.  But for them to call me at work!  I was not too pleased and couldn't say I couldn't talk there because sister would have wanted to know what was going on.  So I waited until this woman guessed what the situation was and just said "no" to every question she tried to ask me.  She must have thought I was a real basket case!  Finally, she said she knew I couldn't talk and gave me her phone no and asked when I could call her.  Well, I called this morning and expressed my surprise since they obviously wanted an older person.  She said they might be willing to hire a young person for the position if they were creative and innovative and could get some new programs going so the library would be used more.   She said when they read my resume and saw that I was interested in pottery (!) and that I had had lots of jobs in which I came into contact with people they thought I might be good.  (Personally, I don't know what pottery could do me any good in this way -- but.)  Anyway, I told her I only have 1 month to sign my Seton Hill contract so they'd have to let me know right away and she set up an appointment with me at 10:00 Friday (11th).  I am really scared.  I don't think they'll be very impressed because I can't think of any really different ideas to get a bunch of advertising (that's what the company is) people to use the library.   They're very big and have offices in San Francisco, N.Y., Phila, Chicago, and a few other places.  I'm just going to go in cold and be calm (if that out-of-character role is possible for me to play!) and hope the Holy Spirit will enlighten me.  I'm kind of ambivalent about this whole thing, because I was looking forward to being part-time (lazy wretch that I am) and also because I feel very unprincipled in being so devious about this.  I'm sure this isn't an ethical thing I'm doing, especially after sister went through all that trouble to let me not work evenings.  I'm not taking responsibility for my decision to stay at SHC and I feel like I'm just cheating my soul in some way.  (One of my friends told me that I just like to suffer and so place myself in a situation where I'm likely to suffer most -- in some ways, he may be very correct, I guess.)  I suppose, since fate has been very kind to me so far, that I should leave myself in her hands and que sera era?  But I haven't had such hellish mood swings since ages ago.

Ever since graduation from VU, I've been about 8 feet away from reality, I think.  I think this job would push me into confronting reality but I'm not sure if I would be successful in that confrontation.  I don't like reality much.  I guess that's why I like philosophy.  They just can't go hand in hand.  Even ethics is far above reality in many situations.

So -- right now I'm keeping myself busy by sewing like a maniac.  I've made a coat, a dress and a smock in a two-week period (unusual for me) and I don't think I'm finished yet!

I'm also busy with preparations for a little luncheon I've giving my friends at Seton Hill who are graduating.  Olga, Linda, Lauri, and Anne have been so good to me, especially when I was living there and had no one to be with.  They even gave me a "bachelor party" the night before I left. They are all really sweet and Lauri is going to Africa in the Peace Corps so I won't see her for a long time; Anne is going back to Virginia and I don't imagine I'll see her very often, either.  Olga lives outside Pgh but I don't think she'll stay.  She wants to do something with ceramics and her uncle is a potter in Calif -- so...the only one who will still be here will be Linda who is (even though I warned her quite vehemently) going to GSLIS!   She has a B.A. in bio which I feel will really be wasted in library school.  But she's convinced!  (And I sincerely hope I did nothing to convince her.) Anyway, I wanted to have a little graduation -- I'll miss hosting the thing here but the house just isn't ready -- not by a long shot, so I've decided to have it at a restaurant, but I haven't decided which one -- I suppose it depends on who much money I can spend.  Oh, well, I'm sure this is all very interesting to you.

Now, take care.

P.S.  Do you have a fireplace?

P.P.S.  I saw a nightgown that had "Sylvester" all over it.  It was a floor length tee-shirt.

October 4, 1974 (Letter from Grayce)

Let me begin by answering your questions...(and let you begin by feeling the proper guilt for not having answered all of mine!) -- actually, I'm only jesting -- although I would be quite pleased if only you could tell me your opinion about fate (please?!?).  I know I am a terrible pest (mea culpa, etc.), but if only the kind gentle man (may I sop here and tell you -- yes I do have some point to make, only wait a few more seconds...) what a perfectly (oh well, almost perfectly, I supposed no one is really perfect -- I mean within reason) kind and thoughtful  person you are to take an interest in that woman.  This is the kind of thing you can't say in person very well, so I'm  happy that I can write it.  (Sorry to be writing on the wrong side of this, but what with the paper shortage )

So anyway, please comply (or be pestered completely!  (abt. fate, I mean).

Now (finally and with no more ado!) your questions:  1) tete-a-tete; 2) no, you did not tell me why Pgh was a fantasyland for you.  Why?; 3) no, I never (hardly ever, maybe) capitalize library science -- which brings me to the next question -- #4 ("What is your actual opinion of library science as a career? Be truthful now.")

Let me ask you if you have ever read Plato's Republic?  In it there is a discussion of the real and the unreal.  Plato feels that for each thing on earth there is some perfection which is being imitated.  (i.e.) If there is a chair on earth it is really only a chair, while the chair (or chairness) is somewhere else and being the only perfect chair nothing matches it -- although all good chairs aspire (to different degrees, naturally).  These perfections are form (essential forms of goodness).

Now -- he tells an allegory of a cave into which prisoners are taken (that's us Tweet).  They are forced to sit facing one of the walls.  In back of them (and they can never turn around) there is a "stage" where things and people can be.  They can move and be moved.  No -- I'm sorry.  The people and things are actually in front of the prisoners, but it happens that they are hidden from the prisoners by a roaring fire which comes between the 2 groups.  

Naturally, the fire casts a shadow of the people and things behind it onto  the wall which the prisoners face.  They see only the image and not the real and the recognize the image as the reality.

If they were released from those chains it would perplex them to be confronted with reality.  It would be painful, but it would be "worth it" since they would experience wisdom.

The last thing to be perceived in the world of knowledge is the essential form of goodness (true reality).  Without this, wisdom is not possible, so it is necessary to detach appearances and reality.

Therefore -- library science seems fit to relegate to the realm of the image (the shadow  rather than being anything real.  It appears to be a passive, menial "profession" with very little to offer one who wants to perform a real function.  It does not seem to be the type of work an activist could be attached to, being so staid and dry.

We -- as librarians -- are confined, it seems to me that we realized this before though, if not consciously, then at least in a small subconscious way.  We just hoped for more, you know?  I suppose to finish the comparison, we are kept from really doing (as the prisoners are kept from really seeing).  If we were given a chance to act maybe we wouldn't be up to accepting it -- or maybe we just wouldn't know what to do.

It would further seem that we could free ourselves but that this would involve hardship ($ not mental) and also what else would we do?

I don't know if this makes any sense at all, really.  At this point I'm hardly the person who would be stable enough to see anything like this clearly and you are probably all ready to have me escorted (white jackets, etc.) to the nearest looney bin.

I suppose my job is not too bad.  It is very hectic and I'm not exactly bored.  But by exactly bored I mean that it's frustrating in many ways.  It certainly is a far cry from what I've ever had planned as a lifework for myself.  I sometimes just stop and wonder just what the hell I'm doing at that place where nuns and only other women abound (I like to talk to men once in awhile and I'm sick of hearing about the guys at Vincent's - Seton Hill's brother school).  Every girl at Seton Hill dates someone from Vincent's -- how quaint! how parochial!!

Seton Hill is a cookie factory -- where almost (I have met some very interesting people) everyone is awfully similar.  It's just depressing   It is also a place where not to much (or no) independent or creative thought of any kind is appreciated.  (Do you know that I stapled something in an "unorthodox" way and had to remove all the stuff I did and change it.  I mean how mundane can you get?)  Also I am in charge of reserves which is a realllll pain (and not only an apparent one!)

I certainly sound mean.  I do the vertical file (subject headings, acquisitions, etc.) which I enjoy but hardly ever get to touch because of "priorities".  I also "do" the picture collection which I have never done 'cause of the above.

Also (last but certainly not least) I do the library statistics!  (And nI am not so good at it, either!) and I get to copy them all very neatly into a ledger -- a real scrivener!

(Ah Bartleby!  Ah, humanity!

I'm certainly being good company, well -- anyway, Bev seems quite thrilled about her job, so I suppose there's some good in it.  She (and you, too) are at least on your own.  Although I shouldn't complain 'cause I'm definitely learning something from the 2 people I work with.  (If it's of value remains to be seen,m of course!)

I don't know, I just hope things turn out all right.  (That's the trouble with being brought up Catholic -- always hoping for miracles.  Maybe I should move to New York and hang around 34th Street?)

This week has been been going pretty well -- actually (and surprisingly).  Yesterday, I got to see Diane (who had an interview at the Phila Customs House where I used to work!) for dinner.  It was so nice, almost like old times.  She is staying with Bev in Delaware.   (Bev works at Delaware State Hosp.)  It would really be nice if Diane got this job.  I hope she does; it's really a neat place to be.  Only 1 block from the wharfs -- really picturesque.  Also, she wants to be near home but not too near, so this would fit in.

I took the bus home (horrors!) on Wed.  I met the most intriguing person.  This guy from London who was traveling across America by thumb and by bus.  Her certainly was nice and we talked (nonstop) for seven hours.  When Phila came, (he was going to N.Y.) we had dinner and I felt as though I were leaving an old friend when we kissed goodbye.  It was very strange, but very nice.  He said that parts of my Philadelphia accent were borrowed from very high class (snobby) English, and he was amazed that he was hearing this in America.  (Imagine that!)  I suppose I shall have to tone that down!  (If I ever went to England it wouldn't help because I could never be mistaken for class!)

I think we've miscommunicated about perceiving what others really feel and think.  I do believe it can be done and I feel I often do it, but I wonder if what we think is the subconscious thought or feeling which we are viewing is really only another coverup.  Or a calculated thing?

That's really what made me take up reading cards.  Not so much to inform the other person of himself, but often to inform myself about the other person.  There are insights to be gotten from not only the information the cards give, but also the reactions the person has to what the card say.   These insights are not otherwise readily available for view in any form, let alone a form so easily discernible.

What? -- oh, never mind;  it's a vicious circle.

Right now I am very happy about the wedding and I thank you for you good wishes.  I'm most excited about going to New England this week because I know it will be gorgeous.  I'm sorry to go on about this but It's the only thing (violins, softly  which I have had to look forward to for the past few months.

Please do send me come smpale of your writing if you wish to, ok?  I would like it very much.  Take care now.

P.S.  I haven't seen Kate or spoken to her.  Everytime I call her she seems to be out.  I will say "hello" to her for you when I finally do get to see her.