May 25, 1977 (Letter from Grayce)

Our trip to Salt Lake was great -- actually any place would have done just as well, I suppose. Mainly, we both wanted to get away.  I really enjoyed the place, though, too.  We saw some films, and had dinners in new places (including a good seafood place, which Pocatello does not have). Actually -- none of the films were the one I wanted to see (Three Women) but we did see Annie Hall (also The Late Show) & since I love Woody Allen, I enjoyed seeing him again.  I feel like he's my friend.  Anyway -- Three Women isn't here or in Salt Lake & I'm assuming it won't be here at all -- so if you've seen it, you can tell me all about it, n'est-ca pas?

As I'm writing this, I'm resting from 3 previous hours of painting.  I'm kind of getting back into watercolors, which I did a lot of before, but haven't done any for a few years.  I had forgotten how much I enjoyed that medium.  What I'm doing, is, just small things of wildflowers that I've seen & sketched, and/or just seen pictures of.  I'm pretty pleased with the results & I have Brook criticize each one -- since I know I couldn't find a more discerning characters!   And of course, he always tells the truth -- and lo & behold -- so far he's been pretty positive about them.  My next step will be to mat them -- which will probably be put off until 1983, because I don't really enjoy that part & it's so tedious!!  Linda (my boss) wants us to go up to Jackson Hole this August to try to sell some of our stuff, so if I get these done, maybe ....but I don't know, I'm such a chicken!!

Work has been really strange lately -- everyone is quitting.  Almost all the department mgrs quit (mostly because of the merchandising manager, who has a real personality problem.  He's overbearing & condescending & also obnoxious (&those are the nicest words anybody can think of!)  Anyway, it's a real nuthouse because all the new managers are new & don't know what's going on & therefore, don't know what I need to do -- when they need displays, signs, etc. etc. -- you get the picture!

The poor head of the store is a nervous wreck.  He's such a sweet man, Mr. Boyle -- and it's going to look like his fault that everyone quiet & nothing could be further from the truth.  I'm worried about him.  He really looks upset all the time.  So the other days, I asked him to lunch with Linda & me. We're going to take him to Jake's on Friday.  (Jake's is a nice place here, but probably not a place he goes to.)  When I asked him, I thought he was going to cry.  I think he's a little apprehensive about going with us, too, because I'm sure he thinks we're both crazy people.  If we're not fighting with people about displays, we're giggling & generally making fools of ourselves in other ways & he always seems to catch us in the strangest situations!!!  Anyway, when I said we'd like to kidnap him for the day, he said something like -- he wouldn't be able to take us for a whole day!  So we told him we'd settle for an hour.  Anyway, I hope he has a good time, he certainly needs too!

How is your sinus condition?  When does the season end there?  Sept? -- that can certainly be an annoying ailment.  Maybe man should have stayed on all 4's - then this wouldn't be known to happen -- also backaches?

I'm sure this is an inane letter.  It's 4 AM and I'm starting to get tired & I have to get up early tomorrow (today) & get Brook to the bus stop.  So....I think I'll stop for now.  I think I won't even read over what's above because it will wind up in the trash & I don't want to waste paper anymore than usual!

Well, here I am again & it's now May 26th, right?  Actually, it was May 26th before, too, but it didn't feel like it because I hadn't gone to sleep -- and you thought that this part of the letter might make some sense, didn't you?

Did I tell you about this book I picked up?  It's called Astral Journeys & I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but it looks very interesting -- and seems like it will tie in with ideas we had of space travel.  So, if I learn anything, expect to see me!  (heh, heh)  Now you'll have to be extra good, since I may be watching you!  Actually, I think the book mainly deals with poltergeists, etc. rather than actual physical travel, but it's a step in the right direction!

Last Sunday, I got this overwhelming desire to talk to a friend.  Brook had been gone for 2 days, so I'm sure that had something to do with it.  I probably would have called you, if you had a phone!!!! It's strange because almost Never do I get a strong desire to call anyone, even people I really want to talk to, like you!  I did call Diane & I think she was awfully surprised.  That's probably the first time I've called her long distance in all the time I've known her.  I'm a disgrace, I guess, but I always feel close to people, even if I don't see them.  I even feel as though I know how they're feeling Y& what's happening with them.  Anyway, it was a dangerous thing to do -- making that 1 phone call.  Because after we hung up, I felt like talking to every one & I think I would have if I didn't have visions of Brook's face when the $200 phone bill arrived!  The phone company should use the Lay's Potato Chip slogan -- "Betcha can't talk to just one?"  I guegss I didn't get quite enough sleep last night, huh?

Well, Ill free you now from this crazyness.

May 11, 1977 (Letter from Grayce)

Keith's Beautiful Homes magazine

One of my favorite discovers at Johnson's Secondhand bookstore in downtown Springfield, Mass., in 1977

I've been putting off getting my eyes checked for 4 years, now, so I finally went to a Dr. Clothier here. (He's related to the Clothier's of Strawbridge & Clothier & was originally from Philly.  He's about 60 now & has lived in Poky most of his life -- small world?)  Anyway, I did get some good news.  My eyesight has improved!  (It must bee all the carrots I eat  What's up, doc?)  So my new lenses are now only 1/2 the strength of my former ones -- which is encouraging.  My right eye is almost 20/20, also.  He said in cases of eyestrain which is what I had that caused me to need glasses in the first place -- this sometimes happen.

Today I ordered a really nice set of woodcutter's tools -- for etchings, etc.  Linda, my boss, is going to teach me some things about technique & then I'm going to experiment with some printmaking of my own.  Who knows, I may find my niche (no pun intended.  It's a very precise & exacting art, so I hope I have the patience for it.  Here's where yoga may help me some.

You know, sometimes I thoroughly regret not going to art school -- except that I feel that philosophy was also very good for me.  But, I felt so terrified of being "not good enough" in art -- because there are lots of mediocre people in it now, I think & I couldn't take a positive rejection in that area.  Do you know what I mean?  I sometimes think you may feel that way about your writing, huh?  I'm  sure you talented, but it's awfully hard to push & sell yourself?  It is for me. Linda really thinks I should take some of my things to shops around town & try to sell them -- but I don't feel ready -- Although I'm certainly not getting any younger.  She is constantly pushing herself to sell.  She's mostly involved in graphic arts, so gets jobs from area businesses.  But I just can't seem to ask people if they'd like to buy such & such, etc.  I usually wind up giving things to people when they say they like them.  Oh well...

I'm just sitting here with a glass of good beer & I'm also defrosting the refrigerator & also doing some laundry.  I know that any minutes things are going to catch up with me, by which I mean, the ice will start falling all over the floor, just as the dryer with the shirts in it gets finished & I should be there so they don't get wrinkled!  But til then, I suppose I'll just sit her & blabber on in my merry way!

About the macaroni.  I think there's really no comparison between homemade & store boughten -- just like most other things, I guess.  But it is a lot of work to make your own.  I usually do, but I don't do it too often for lack of time (& also inclination, to be honest).  Every once in awhile, brook will reminisce about Philly & my mother's cooking & I'll know it's a hint to please make some manicotti, or some such thing.  Anyway, in South Philly, my neighborhood had a neat little place to go.  This elderly woman made ravioli, cavatelli, canneloni, manicotti, gnocchi, etc. all day long & sold them fresh to the lazy people & they were very good.  It was nice while it lasted.  For ravioli, you really should get a ravioli cutter, whereas with manicotti, you don't need anything special.  The next time I see you, if you want to , I could show you some stuff.  It's not too hard, just time consuming.

I made a cheesecake yesterday & I thought of you & (you had asked for one last time I saw you), I guess I wanted to send you some, so....[drawing of a slice}.  It's the best I can do right now.  (heh, heh)

It looks as though Diane will be coming to see us pretty soon -- sans Paul & Bev.  Oh well.   Maybe next year?  Brook's parents are going to fly out for a week starting July 16th.  I'm looking forward to all this company, but I hope they're not bored.  This isn't that exciting of a place.  I did warn them at least.

On May 20-24, we're going to Salt Lake City for a little rest & relaxation!  Brook has really been working hard -- usually he's away 12-16 hrs/day & sometimes he has to stay overnight.  Last week, because of my working so much we didn't even see each other for 3 days!  We haven't had a fight for months!  I keep telling him we'll have to make an appointment & really have a good fight!! (Actually, I'm only kidding -- I'm not that feisty!)

Well, I guess this is the end.

P.S.  I don't expect you to remember my birthday.  I'm debating with myself whether or not to just make Apr. 27 another day to sort of "de-classify" it in my mind, you know?

January 23, 1977 (Letter from Grayce)

What I was reading in January 1977

Hi Tweet.  We took a long drive yesterday along some back roads & it was really very beautiful. We had done the same thing in November & it was pretty then, but for me, nothing can really compare with snow-capped mountains.  We have some nice one right near our house, which I always check on as soon as I get awake.  They are different almost every day.  Last night there was a wet atmosphere and the frost formed on everything just glistens.  I can't wait for the sun to come out.  It will really look picturesque then.  It's kind of nice also when it doesn't snow here, but does snow on the mountains.  That's my favorite way for them to look, so far.  It doesn't happen too often, though.  We're fairly high up here -- a little higher than the town part of Pocatello, actually.  This "development" is called the Highland Area.  Today (& yesterday), it's beginning to get more foggy than I've ever seen it here (or anywhere).  I guess the sun won't be coming out.  Y ou can hardly see across the street!  Oh well....

Just went through the Sunday paper (the only one I ever buy & not usually that one, even.)  The want ads are pretty slim pickin's.  There was one exciting sounding job for a beer bar maid -- no experience necessary.  Also, in the personals column (the best part of the paper, in my humble opinion) an ad for a live-in housekeeper -- ages 25-30 -- female -- light work -- call after 6 PM Jack. I read the cars for sale ads, too, sometimes -- but only if I'm really bored!  This same guy has been putting an ad in -- a "must sell in one week" -- 75 Mustang -- for about a month.  Oh, I guess that's enough about Pocatello's classified ads, huh?

Diane says she's definitely coming out -- barring some unforeseen disaster -- but in those disasters, she mentioned airline strikes, along with gas shortages, so I imagine she's not yet decided on how she'll get here.  Bev may be the deciding factor & in her last letter, she told me her next paid vacation is at Christmas.  So...I don't' think she'll want to drive out.   She did say something about taking 1 week without pay -- but certainly not to come out here, I wouldn't think. It would be too expensive & also too much of a bother.  So...I don't really know what's going to happen.

Ange & John just bought a house outside of Southampton, Pa (near Philly) so they'll be postponing their visit til late summer -- possibly early fall.  We're probably going to go to Oregon with them when they get here.  John's family lives there, so we'll have a place to stay.  Willy & Debbie have threatened to camp out on our back yard, but I won't believe it til I can touch them.  They prefer warmer climates & usually go South every year.  My parents have promised a visit in May.  My father wants to drive -- (but I'm hoping he won't).  Anyway, I hope they do come -- but that's another thing I'm not going to hold my breath for!   Brook's parents are now in Florida visiting his sister Pat & her husband Terry.  Also they brought the 2 grandmas!  They will visit us in June, I think.  At least I'm pretty sure about them coming.  Oh well -- I don't really expect every one I know to just come out & visit, but it would be nice!

We're definitely having company for Easter.  Kathy Conaboy & friend (my philosophy major friend from V.U.) will be coming for a week.  I haven't seen her since graduation from V.U. -- so that will certainly be a reunion.  Brook is threatening to move into the Holiday Inn down the road!  He's never had to live in the same house with 2 philosophy majors before!  This is probably boring you to death.  I suppose you've guessed by now that I don't have much to say!

We may be taking skiing lessons starting Feb. 2 -- depending on how expensive they are.  I have to find out tomorrow.  I just can't see myself sliding down a hill like that.  It will be more like tumbling in my case, I'm sure.  If my next letter comes from Bannock County Mem. Hospital, you'll know why!

Oh well -- I'll try to write a longer (& possibly less boring) letter next time.

September 19, 1976 (Letter from Bev)

Hi.  It was so good to see you again and I really enjoyed spending the day with you and Diane. Possibly you'll be coming down this way again soon?  Diane said that you might and I suggested that you come to New Castle.  She also mentioned going to Chadds Ford.  Have you ever been there to the Brandywine River Museum?  There's a very good Wyeth collection there.

It looks like I'll be at my same job for awhile.  The Wednesday after Labor Day I called the Hampton V.A. Hospital to see why they hadn't called me for an interview as they said they were going to.  Well, they hired someone else without even interviewing me!  What a bummer!  Then I called the Wilmington V.A. and they, too, hired another person.  It seems almost impossible to get into that system.  I was so disappointed that week and very depressed.  But, I guess that something will come along sooner or later.  I have just applied for 3 more positions.  One as Anglo-Germanic Bibliographer at the U. of Va. in Charlottesville.  I've received a reply already from them saying that I'll be hearing from them again in the coming weeks.  Another position as a reference librarian at George Mason Univ. at Fairfax, Va.  The third at Virginia Medical College in Richmond as a periodicals librarian.  All sound good.  I think that I would enjoy working in a university setting and plan on heading my job looking in that direction.  My hopes of getting a V.A. job are very low, but my application is still good until June 1977.  Who knows what will come up.

The day after Labor Day the nursing students came to the hospital and now business has picked up again.  Whenever any come into the library I have to stop what I'm doing and help them.  I do enjoy this and it's good practice for me.  I remember where to look for a lot of little things that often make explanations easier.  It's amazing, though, how helpless some of them are.  I just can't remember getting such help from my college librarians!

On Thursday, Sept. 16, I was at my job for 2 years.  It sure went fast and I think I've learned a lot. I just don't think I can learn much more in this job and do want something better.  I am thankful, though, that I have a decent position.   Last week I had a letter from Ruth Taylor.  Remember her?  She hasn't found a job yet and isn't working anywhere! She said that she soon would have to find something, even work as a clerk.  After reading her letter, I decided not to complain so much anymore.

Last Sunday Diane came down and we went to the Brandywine Arts Festival, the largest art show in Delaware.  There were 200 craftsmen and 250 artists participating.  It was really a nice show and I saw many things that I wanted. I bought a hand-made framed mirror with a planter at its base.  It's quite unique and made a nice addition to my apartment.  This Saturday is Art-on-the-Green in New Castle and Diane is coming down for this, too.  It's much smaller than the Brandywine Arts Festival, but nevertheless it'll be a good showing.

On Saturday, October 2d, the Philadelphia Regional Group of the M.L.A is having their fall meeting in Wilmington at the Academy of Medicine.  Usually the meetings are in Philly, but the program committee chairperson is from Wilmington, so she got her way this time.  The speaker is the copyright specialist from the Library of Congress.  It should be an interesting program.  I'm not too clear on the new law, so this meeting should be quite explanatory.

This Tuesday I'm starting an adult education class at the local high school.  I'm taking beginning Italian.  Why?  Because it was the only language course being offered and since I don't know any Italian I figured that it won't hurt to learn some.  I was the 9th person to sign up for it, so we should have a nice-sized class.  All the names on the list were typical, 3 & $ syllabus Italian names and here I am with my very un-Italian last name.  I'm looking forward to it and I"m sure it'll be more fun than work.

This week is the 1st of the Ford vs. Carter debates.  Things still aren't settled about the telecast and it seems to me that the League of Women Voters is being too picky about the whole matter.  I hope it gets televised. If not, I wonder if it'll be on the radio?  I'm really not too interested in politics, but for some reason this presidential campaign has me intrigued.  I'm most sure that Carter will be the next president and I only hope that he's as sincere as he seems to be.  All at the hospital are hoping for more money for mental health.  Maybe then some real treatment for the patients will be a reality.  Tomorrow the continuing education lecture at the hospital will be about treating the alcoholic.  Although the alcoholism unit is a separate entity from the mental hospital, the staff is sometimes interchanged.  The staff from alcoholic services use the library an awful lot.  Maybe they have more time than the psychiatrists have.

Did you plant the coleus that I gave you?  I hope they grow for you.  I just transplanted my coffee plant.  What a time I had!  I really should have had some help. It's getting very tall and is supposed to grow to 6 feet!  I hope not!  Some of my other plants need repotting soon.  It seems that they doubled in size over the summer.  Some of them will soon take over my apartment!

I hope that all's well with you and that I'll be seeing you again soon.

July 19, 1976 (Note from Grayce)

Hi -- Diane & Bev will definitely be here for the weekend of the 24th (this Sat.).  I'm just assuming that you can be here this weekend also -- no "no's" will be accepted under any circumstances! We just got back from Idaho & I've lots to tell you.  You can look forward to much ear stuffing!

I have one favor to ask -- if you are coming over Thursday night, could you possibly fix it so that you get here after 6 A.M.  You see, Brooks' been working a lot of extra hours & he'll be working that Friday too & I wouldn't want to disturb hi before he has to get up . *He gets up at abt. 7, but if you get here at 6 it wouldn't be too bad.  It's just that if I have to get up for 4 or so, this alarm will bother him, too.  Would this  inconvenience you very much?  Maybe you'd like to nap a few hours before you leave anyway?  Then you can play when you get here.  Is this ok?

Well!  Please come!  It will be so nice, we'd really like to have you.

July 7, 1976 (Letter from Grayce)

Naturally, since the arm-twisting has succeeded, I have bad-good news to report.  Please excuse this little note, but I'll explain!!  Westinghouse, in one of its strange & mysterious ways, has picked July 10th (Sat) til July 17th (?) Sat for our little trip.  Of course I should have known!  I just wrote Diane (not mentioning you, of course) [I had mentioned before that I'd ask you, but I said you probably wouldn't come, ok?]  Therefore, I have asked her to switch to the 24th or 341st & to ask Bev & let me know.  I should hear very soon & will let you know as soon as I do.  By the way, may I have your phone no? -- or is that classified?  Actually, I suppose I could get it from information. I don't  think you are coy enough to have an unlisted number?

Diane & Bev have taken it into their heads that my serving them too many meals would be a "burden" so they have decided we have to go to Poli's one night (Saturday).  How do you feel about this?  I can understanding how being short of money feels since I am always that way myself, but I already agreed that we'd go.  What to do?  Let me know, ok?  Also I'm trying to get reservation for Fallingwater that Sunday (especially since I remember you wanted to see it & we never did, in our excursions )  If only I could find out for which day!!!  (That would be a help.)

I'm sure this is completely incoherent & I sound even nuttier than usually - & of course, I am.

WRITE & tell me what's going on (because I definitely don't know).

June 24, 1976 (Letter from Grayce)

I'm just sitting here, listening to the rain, trying to rest for a while.  I've had a very busy morning. I've been working almost every day trying to finish everything I've started at work.  Tomorrow, my last day, approacheth, AT LAST, as even a lustfully awaited day will eventually do.  Today was my first day off (and at home) for 2 weeks -- so I had a lot to do, you know, the mundane -- cleaning, baking (which I haven't started yet), laundry (which I'm "doing" now), etc.  My last day at Seton Hill is not coming a minute too soon, because I've really started to rattle my cage for the past few weeks -- I suppose because an end was in sight I was even more impatient with things than usual. Sister seems to be doing her best not to have me regret leaving at all.  She tries to hard to give me really boring assignments to fill my last fays.  I try not to get around to them, because I want to finish up classifying a batch of pamphlets.  I decided that I'd ask for a letter of recommendation (I just felt presumptuous one day) and to my great shock, she said she'd be happy to recommend me. I decided not to send this letter out without seeing it (a good idea, since I've seen some letters she's written for other people!) so I went up to GSLIS to read it.  It was very nice (maybe she was afraid I'd not be able to get a job anywhere else & come back to haunt her?)  I saw Wray there & he began to badger me about "When was I going to get another Masters?"  Well yech! to that.  I told him the only thing I was really interested in right now was maybe an art program (he thought I should try Art History, which I'll admit might be more in tune with getting a job! -- but I don't really want to do it.  I would like very much to see what I can do.  (Not learn.)  I have a problem similar to y \ours -- "nothing is good enough" -- which is why I didn't go to art school in the first place.  I was so afraid I wouldn't be perfect.  My father tried to convince me that I was being foolish, but to no avail.  This doesn't mean philosophy was no good.  It really helped me in so many ways & was just what I needed at the time.  It probably did for me something like art would have done -- only not so much a therapy -- do you see what I'm getting at?  I realize it's being presented as clearly as mud!  Anyway, enough of that.

It looks as though it will be westward ho! for us come August 10th.  I'm fairly excited about it, but I do fear having my roots transplanted.  Maybe if I do it often enough, I'll get over this?  I will miss this house so much.  It really is exactly the way I wanted it now (except for 2 rooms we didn't do -- bedroom & spare room).  I wish you could see it.  I was so sorry everything was such a mess when you came in October.  It wasn't even a clean mess   You must have thought it was terrible! Maybe I can send you a few picture of the finished product.

My mother is very upset that we're going.  When we were home for Tommy's graduation, she made it very clear by crying for about 1/3 of the time we were there.  I've tried to make it exciting for her, too, by telling her how nice it will be for her to come out there & visit us & how'll we'll look forward to her visits, etc, but she doesn't want to play.  I was a nervous wreck by the time we were ready to go home.  The news of the flood that weekend did not help matters any, either.  I think she should really find  something that interests her, because now that she's home alone a lot, she gets very depressed.  She said she was going to look for a job.  I hope she can find one she likes.  It would really be good for her.

When I was at home, I saw my grandmother & she said the blood of that saint is not supposed to liquify until September.  She really believes in it because she's seen it happen.

I think my parents are going to come here before we go out west, so I guess we won't be going to Phila.  Of course, that could always change, because my father has a job that he can't really get away from too easily.  If we do come to Philly, I'd love to see you.  (Brook may not come; I may just fly in by myself -- see Mickey can fly!)  We might as well not make any plans yet, though, since I don't know what is going on.

Diane & Bev are coming for a visit for the weekend of July 18th.  (They are staying over til Monday, too.)  I don't suppose you'd like to come for a reunion then?  I was considering asking Bill Louden if he'd like to come too.  I know it would be a nuisance for you to do all that driving, so I won't press you, ok?  I'm sorry I'm such a pest, but I do like to see you & we may not see each other for at least 3 years after this.  (That sounds so terrible!!!)  (We're going to visit Fallingwater.  Does that tempt you at all?)

Our big decision for the month is whether to have me come along on our house-hunting trip to Idaho. Westinghouse will pay for Brook to go, but it will really be a business trip & he will have to show up at work every day.  (It will probably last a week.)  If I went, I could visit the real estate agents and do all that kind of thing during the day.  Unfortunately, the air fare is almost $300 and we'd have to pay for my meals, etc. also.  I'm not sure if it's worth it.  But maybe it would be. We're not sure whether we want an apt. or a house.  (We may not be able to get either because of the flood!) But we'd like a house, if we can afford one we like.  Housing will be at a premium now that so many were water-damaged, so I suppose we'll just have to wait & see.

We have to start looking for someone to buy this one, now.  I hope we make a profit after all the work we've put into it.  I know we'll never find another house as solidly built as this one is.  I'm definitely taking the stained glass.  I just can't part with it.  It would kill me to come back in a few years & see it broken or anything.  You didn't see the window on the 3rd floor.  It's blue & really pretty.  It's also LARGE -- so I don't know what I'll do with it, but hopefully it can just go over another window wherever we live next.

I just can't even think about packing, etc. yet.  I'm not looking forward to that part of moving at all!

I'm sending  you this carrot cake recipe becausae it uses honey.  (Didn't the other I gave you use sugar?)  I never tired either of them, but I think I'm going to bake this honey one tonight.  It sounds pretty good.

Take care

P.S. If you do read any Lessing, read The Four-Gated City instead of Golden Notebook because it is more explicit about her ideas, I think.  (It's the fifth book of a 5-book series, but it can be read without the others, I guess.

May 28, 1975 (Letter from Bev)

Montana 1975

By now you probably know that Diane and I were in Pittsburgh May 16-18 and stayed at Webster Hall.  We were planing to write you a joint letter while we were there, but never got around to it.  It was good to be in Pittsburgh again and to see Grayce and Brook.  We stopped in GSLIS on Friday afternoon but no one was around, naturally.  The building has undergone so many changes with the biggest improvement being the relocation of the library to the 3rd floor.  I also stopped at WPIC. Ellen is acting head librarian and teaching at GSLIS.  There have also been two additions to the WPIC library staff -- 2 full-time librarians.

I've applied with 2 agencies for a new job.  The VA hospital in Wilmington will have an opening shortly for medical librarian and I would really like to fill it.  New Castle county also has 4 openings for librarians.  Both employers pay more than my present job and the positions would probably be more active.  I get so disgusted with my job somedays because the library is underutilized.

My landlord gave me permission to plant a flower garden between the house and the neighbor's fence.  I put in zinnias, snapdragons, and marigolds.  I also planted a tomato plant and a green sweet pepper plant.  My zinnias are in bud already, but the other plants aren't showing any signs of flowering yet.  I can't wait to get my first tomato off the vine.  I noticed that my neighbor has two tomatoes on one of his plants.  My plant doesn't' even have a flower on it yet.

Now that the warm weather has come to Delaware, I plan on hitting the beaches every weekend.  If it doesn't rain, which the weatherman promises,  I'm planning on going to Dewey Beach on Saturday.  It's only a 2 hour drive so I don't think I'll spend the night.

The softball team that I play for isn't doing too great.  We won 1 and lost 2.  Tonight we play the team which we beat 2 weeks ago.  It's really a lot of fun and good exercise.  My tennis game is improving greatly since I started taking lessons.  In two more weeks I should be able to play a decent game, I hope.

Before I forget, Grayce's birthday was April 27th.

That's all that's new from me.  Keep in touch.

May 18, 1975 (Letter from Grayce)

Diane and Bev just left.  It was a very nice weekend.  We wished you have been here, also.  Aren't I awfully greedy?

First, may I say I'm really sorry about Dale.  He must be going through hell.  Have you spoken to him?  I think it would really be good for him to have someone speak to him without recrimination just now.  His guilt must be a vast thing to bear and more of a punishment than any other person could inflict from without.  I think you could do it very well -- being a gentle person.  Ultimately, it would make more of an impression than anything else he'll possibly hear now.

Paul, I hope I don't sound fatuous but "are you tired of writing to me?"  I really enjoy hearing from you but maybe you would need a rest?  If you'd like I will still write to you and you don't necessarily have to answer each time.  I don't know.  this sounds weird and not what I intend to say.  (Really I hope you don't agree to this because I'd really miss your letters), but let me know and we'll see what we can do, ok?

The weather here hasn't been so great, either.  It's been raining constantly.  I want to plan a small garden -- just some tomatoes, onions, peppers, and squash, but we haven't been able to dig up the ground cause it's always sopping wet.

I refuse to dig the ground because I did only a tiny piece by the side of the house and planted some bachelor buttons (which have probably drowned by now!) and I got an enormous blister on my palm.  Women's Lib can have this part of the fight as far as I'm concerned.  Pulling out your own chair is one thing; digging ditches is something else!

My cactus is not doing too well.  I can't figure it out.  I am convinced that cacti are not meant to flourish in this climate.  If they were, we would have some, wouldn't we?  It's entirely too humid. I hardly ever water the thing and I keep it in the sunniest place possible, but it feels like it's getting mushy and that means death is nigh.  Oh well, ---

No, I didn't attend Pitt's graduation.  It just would have been so meaningless.  Besides, Brook's sister graduated from Duquesne the week after that and Seton Hill's was the week after Pat's and I really didn't think I could take 3 Sundays of platitudes all in a row like that.  I mean, I don't go to church for exactly that reason, so why place myself in that position voluntarily?  It's bad enough that I had to go to those 2 others.  I did go get my diploma, though, since I had to go into Oakland to the doctor's anyway, $5 for that piece of paper.

Brook is out playing softball right now.  He joined a league that a bunch of his friends started. They all keep this bar (The Flame!) in business (or they did when they were younger, anyway) so the manager sponsors their team.  They're not too bad, considering they just got together this season.  They even have three flashy red nylon tee-shirts!  I liked them, but am not exceedingly thrilled about them right now since I've learned that they have to be handwashed separately.  Myeer!  Next year-- I will have something to say about the materials of the shirt, methinks!

Paul -- you had better come see us soon!  This is an order and not a request!  I really think that you are not happy there and should not stay any longer than necessary.  I hope I don't seem too audacious in saying this.  I worry about you, though.  I think you need more "civilization" around you.  And you sound said and I don't like to see you that way!  I apologize in advance if I shouldn't be so bold, but I can't help it.  Please consider this seriously.

Take care.

March 1, 1975 (Letter from Grayce)

I hope you are better from your flu by now.  When I saw this picture, I just identified with it so completely that it seemed I had to cut it out and use it.  I, too, like the little man, find it necessary to fantasize while awaiting the Lincoln Coach bus to whisk me away to the never-never land of Seton Hill.

Speaking of old Seton Hill (or Frigid Hill as the guys at St. Vincent's have lovingly tagged it), contract time is almost here.  I can hardly wait to sign another year of my life away.  Actually, I've assured myself of a certain amount of leeway t his time.  As of January (or even before!) Sister has been harping on whether I was going to stay, or not.  She wanted to know so she could make her plans for Sept.  I really didn't have much choice.  Brook was a big help.  He told me I could do whatever I wanted.  And he advised me later to quite and look for something else.  (ha!)  I seriously did consider it and he even said if I got a good-paying job anywhere else, he would quit hit job....and retire (no, actually, he said he'd just look for a job where I had gotten one), but so far, I haven't even heard of anything I'm qualified for.  And after seeing Harvey (still working in the pipe shop) I figured I would not find much.  I did apply for a job with an industrial library in Pgh. who wanted someone with 5-10 yrs experience.  I'm sure they had a good laugh when my application came in...oh well..

So -- about a week ago, Sister confronted me with the definite questions.  Yes? or no?  I figured that I had these options:  (1) say no...and be without a library job for the rest of my life and probably get a job at Sweet William's (which I definitely do not need), (2) say yes, and just suffer along with the same hours, the same low pay, etc.; (3) say yes, but...and make a few mild demands, i.e., a lessening of my hours and no night hours; (4) say yes, but...and make some outlandish demands, like a raise, a paid vacation, medical benefits, reasonably sane hours -- you know, really grandiose changes from the present situation.  Well, I wasn't in a (4) mood, but I also wasn't in a (1) or (2) mood, so I took a chance and said I'd stay if (3) and I just expected her to say "sorry, see you" but to my great surprise, she was really trying to help.  She said she'd do her best to find someone in Greensburg to take over my night hours and she did.  So I'm a little happier about it.  Starting in Sept. I will work every MWF a full day and one full weekend/month. The money hasn't been decided yet, but she said she'd try to get me more.  If she does it will probably make up for some of the hours I'll be losing.  And at least I'll have some time to myself to do things -- which is really what I want most.

Also -- Brook will only have to come get me once a month which I feel is the best part because, although he has never complained, I'm sure he wasn't thrilled to death about coming all that distance to get me 3 times/week.

I may volunteer for a few hours/week at Wilkinsburg Public.  Maybe then if they do get an opening I would have a chance.  And if not, I'd still like to work in a public library for awhile.

Lately, work has been pretty interesting, also.  The reserves don't bother me as much as they used to and I'm responsible for building up a new reference collection.  It's fun cause I just love to spend money -- especially when it isn't mine!  Mayr is also donating 1-2 hrs/week to show me how she catalogs so I'm getting more familiar with Dewey which I had never even used before GSLIS (and not too well at GSLIS, either!!!)

Sister has also left any Bicentennial celebrations ultimately up to me -- so I guess that will be pretty much fun. So, Paulie, I will try not to complain so much about this anymore.  I know it must be very dull.  

Here is a little quiz for you:  August '74.  When?  Actually, I know that's impossible, but I hope you do get a chance to visit in the near future.

I talked to Dr. Kolish and she's better than before, so I'm very happy.  She said to say hello.  I don't think she has any conception of how far way you are, cause she wondered why you couldn't come back "just for a day!"  I tried to explain to her, but you know how she is when she gets an idea into her head.  She's really funny.

Contrary to your guess, I'm not a February fan.  I can't remember more than one Feb that has been good and only a few have been tolerable.  How did you get to work when you car wouldn't start? Next February we'll see what can be done to improve the situation.  Of course, our polar bear friends do hibernate -- maybe, since you are somewhat related, you can emulate their good idea?

I must say, your story about the "escapee" really upset me.  For that man to die that way.  It's just too bad.  I do hope your next warden is a better one.

Diane tells me you're starting a tweety-pie collection   You can open up a tweety library, maybe.  If Brook and I do get a chance to come live in Idaho I will volunteer to be your archivist!

I wish you lots of fun in San Francisco -- you lucky person!  That will be an excellent vacation.

Well, I think I'm finally talked/written out.  Take care now.

January 5, 1975 (Letter from Bev)

Happy New Year!  Were you home for Christmas?  I guess it would be quite a long haul by car.

I only had Christmas day off, but I wanted a little more time, so I took the 26th and 27th as vacation and spent the Christmas holiday at home. New Year's day I spent in Baltimore with Diane and her aunt and uncle.

The week before Christmas was party time at the hospital.  The annual hospital Christmas party was held on the 19th from 1:30 to 4:00.  It took place in one of the gyms on the grounds and was a big success.  Santa Claus was even  present and gave hand-made green ornaments to everyone. (This was a staff Christmas party.  Each ward has its own party for the patients.)

It seems that around the holidays the patients get on edge.  The attendants said that this year was worse than any other. As of December 2d, all the patients who were working on the hospital grounds, lost their jobs.  Due to a federal ruling the hospital was forced to pay the minimum wage of $2.00 per hour or stop all work projects.  The hospital couldn't afford to pay the patients that much, so consequently all work by patients was stopped.  The patients who had jobs were being paid, but not that amount.  So now, that segment of the hospital population, who could do some meaningful work and receive compensation, are faced with nothing but TV, books, crafts, etc. Their small job meant a lot to them.  The hospital is working on an alternative solution to this job problem, but it will probably take awhile for something to get started.  I think the government had the patients' interest at heart when they passed the ruling, but at Delaware State it backfired.  

You sound as if you're very satisfied with your job.  I enjoy my work, but as with any job, I do have some bad days.  Right now I'm so disgusted with the Budget Department.  I have a book budget of $2,000, but I have my doubts if I'll get to spend it.  I've already decided to order my last books for the year in April.  It takes the budget dept. at least one month to process a purchase order and I find that too long.  The library committee meets once a month to select books.  I try to get the purchase order typed and on its way to budget the very same day as the meeting.  The last library committee meeting was Dec. 2d and I still haven't received my purchase order copy, which means the order hasn't been sent out yet!  Heaven forbid I should need any of those materials in a hurry.  I just know I won't get to spend all my book budget.  How do you select books and do you have a budget?

The superintendent of the hospital was to a meeting where he saw a study carrel, used by the Wilmington Medical Center Library.  This carrel had synchronized slide/cassette tape programs to which the user can watch and listen in order to learn how to read a cardiogram, for example.  Well, Dr. Anstreicher was really impressed by this and the next day he called me into his office and requested me to go to the Medical Center and inspect the carrel   It's really a good method for teaching medicine, but I can't see getting one for a psychiatric library.  At least  I haven't found any to operate such a program.  Tomorrow I have to meet with him and give him my opinion about buying such a unit.  I'm against it and will try my darndest to talk him out of it.  The library needs other things more than it needs a $1,000 study carrel.  Would you believe that none of the periodicals have been bound for the past 4 years?  I would like to see some money spent on binding instead of on materials that may not even get used.  There are some things which never get used in that library.  I believe that I'm the only person who looks at Current Contents.  I like to read the Press Digest section and have found the publication's subject index really helpful when Index Medicus doesn't produce what I'm looking for.  Once I start getting some new books in (probably in July!) I want to put out a monthly acquisitions list and include information about the various indexes which the library has.  Some of the staff are regular users of the library and are constantly looking for information.  Then there are some doctors who haven't even been in the library since I've been there.  I would think that doctors especially would try to keep up with what's new in the profession.

You're lucky to have a furnished apartment.  My apartment is beginning to get filled.  Yesterday I bought a small sofa and it makes a big difference in my living-dining room.  My mom gave an end table to use and I hopefully will get a coffee table in the near future.  I like living in New Castle and have made a few friends here.

Do you hear from anyone from GSLIS besides Grayce and Diane?  I had Christmas cards from Bill Louden and Marilyn Long.  Bill is working at Heidelberg College in Tiffin, Ohio and Marilyn is a children's librarian at Charleston, West Virginia public library.  I wonder what percentage of our class found library jobs.  During December I had two letters for interviews.  One was for a reference position at Meadville public library and the other was for a position with a company called Service to Publishers  located in Lewisburg, Pa.

Have you had a lot of snow in Deer Lodge?  A few flakes fell here the other week and that has been it for snow.  Of course, winter has only just begun.  Although I only have a 5 mile ride to work, I hope it doesn't snow.  I hate to drive on slippery roads.  Do you live far from the prison?  I guess like most prisons and mental hospitals, it is located far from the view of society.  I've wondered why they try to hide prisons and mental hospitals.  Is it so the people will forget that they exist?

In June I'd like to go to the Medical Library Association convention in Cleveland.  I've given  up on ALA.  I think it's too public library oriented and really doesn't have much to offer me.  Not even any of the division are helpful.  I belonged to the AHIL division which is for hospital librarians, but I didn't get anything helpful from their newsletter.

It was good to hear from you.  Keep in touch.

November 26, 1974

Whittier School hallway, Great Falls, Montana

Photo taken September 1974

Speaking of stationery...class, huh?  Just one glance into this box and its contents will reveal to you the secret workings of the maniacal mind, with all its twisted, circuitous routes.  The cigar box (compliments of Mr. Walker) was the strongest one I could find.  I wouldn't want Tweety's head squashed beyond recognition (although, maybe you don't even recognize his sweet face in the full now?)

Actually, when I first "began" Tweety, I had intended the day of his "completeness" to coincide with the day of your birth -- but human imperfection and laziness being personified in my being, such was not the case.  Please accept my contrite words of apology anyway.  You are now the proud (well, maybe that's putting it a little too strongly?) of one Tweet (not thoroughly approved by his owner, but loved all the more for his little imperfections).  Please note the scarf and how it carries out the "theme".

Last week I had the thrilling experience of returning once again to our old "Alma Mater" (funny, how I don't seem to be able to love her imperfections -- maybe there are only so many imperfections one can take!?)  Actually, I didn't want to go, because my last visit there awoke in my myriad strange feelings -- some good; some not so.  But I had called Kate a few weeks before and inadvertently mentioned that I'd be in to see her some day and unfortunately for me, she demanded me to be explicit -- i.e., I was to make an appointment....so.  Actually, I did like seeing her, but I would rather have seen her elsewhere.  I had intended to stop by quickly (*by going straight up to the seventh floor) and then leaving quietly.  But meeting Dr. Kryzs in the elevator foreshadowed disaster!  He was full of questions -- luckily I wasn't full of answers and I escaped.  Kate told me not to stay at this job longer than 1 year (I wish someone would stop saying that and do something constructive like tell me where to get another job.)  We had a nice chat and she was particularly interested in you.  I told her how happy you are and she was pleased.  Then I got up to leave.  I had left dough at home rising because I thought for use that I'd be home in time to roll it out and bake it and have it ready for dinner at 6:00.  But she asked if I had seen Wray and of course I said not.  So -- down to the 5th floor.  Everything has changed -- the library is now on the 3rd floor -- walls are gone, etc. very strange.

So -- I went down expecting to say hello-goodbye but surprisingly enough I talked to Wray (or rather, he talked to me) for almost 2 hours.  We never had a conversation like that before.  10 minutes at the most.  Actually, when I first saw him I felt extremely awkward, I just don't know why, but I couldn't find any words.  So -- then I got up to go and Mr. Lee called from his office and said "Aren't you going to visit with me?"  And really, I did want to see him.  By the way, he did not mention the index and I did not either because I figured if he had any spectacular news he would say it and he didn't so -- I see the index primarily as you do, although I would not mind seeing it published.  I was happy to do it because I feel that I got to know you lots better than if we hadn't and that's enough for it to have done, you know?

Paulie, I certainly did not expect a wedding present.  It was very sweet of you, but do not worry about getting it here quick.  Also, about letters, I would like very much if you, when one of my letters appeared, could be happy to receive it, and not worry about writing back so much.  Your letters are always welcome -- even the "mundane" ones.  I know how you feel.  I get in moods when I can't write much.  So don't feel you "must."  Even a short letter is better than none.  I don't wish to be a pest.  OK?

Brook feels as you do about Christmas.  I like it because I like to make things and stuff like that.  I like to decorate.  I suppose that is a very pagan attitude, but I look forward to it.  I do not like Christmas shopping or anything like that.  But I do hope you will change your mind and have a little tree?  You can decorate it simply.  I don't want to think of you there at Christmas alone.  I probably am making you sick so I will stop, but please reconsider?  Anyway, it is none of my business (but, of course) when did that ever stop me?

How nice about Ken and Denise.  I really don't think they could expect you to travel all that way, though.  It would be crazy.

Are you ever scared at work -- like when that fight occurred?  I don't know, I guess I'm really weird but I would be.

Did you look like you do now when you were 3?  (I mean minus the 6"2", of course) (actually, not minus all of it--)

Harvey mentioned the possibility of going back to the ministry.  I don't know though; he didn't seem really excited about It and I think if you're going to do something like that, you should be.  Oh, well, maybe he is and didn't show it.

Diane is terribly excited because she got Tweety glasses for you at Arby's (I think).  We are going to see her at Thanksgiving.  She's having dinner at my parents' since she wasn't going home for just one day   I really miss her very much.  We asked Bev, too, but she has the long weekend and is going home.

Speaking of Bev, I wrote out Robert's Christmas card last night.  It was certainly tame compared to some of the others that we've sent.  The idea is that I am now living in Philadelphia and missing Alabama's mild winters very much...poor Robert.  Bev said she saw him when she was home and he did not even stop to talk to her -- maybe he's guessed?  I don't know how, though.  It's really untraceable.  In a way, I feel sad now that I can only send him cards once a year, but actually he's probably very grateful and in a way it's better.

The people who live upstairs from us are from Washington State.  They wanted to come "east" for a few years.  They are quite nice.  (Vicki has a loom and will lend it to me.)  I've always wanted one but they are so expensive to buy.  Brook said he would make me one but if it gets done as quickly as the pottery wheel then I won't be able to use it, being crippled by arthritis.  I should not expect so much.  He's so busy not only with work but with this strange house.  He also is busy listening to me complain unnecessarily.

Only last week we spoke of selling this house and moving into some assembly-line apartment in which no plastering, sanding, painting, ----had to be done.  My passion for Victorian homes is slowly diminishing.  The people upstairs have lived here for 5 years and they are just beginning to be satisfied with all the work they've done.  We don't even know if we will be here that long.  I certainly don't  want to stay here for the rest of my life.  (Paul says, "enough, enough.")

Actually I don't need either a loom or a wheel because I won't have time to do anything like that. It's icing.  The house has to look half decent first, I guess.

I have to go in town today and naturally the weather is not cooperating at all.  It's raining and snowing -- slushy!yech.  But I simply cannot put this off anymore.  I'm so lazy lately (even lazier than before? he says, oh, it is not possible.)  By the time I get to work sometimes I am ready to leave, especially when I work til 10 on Thursday -- get home at 11:15 and have to get up at 6:30 Friday (I can't go to sleep at 11:15 -- especially after coming home from work.  I'm just too fidgety. I do regret it the next morning however.

Lately I'm been on this Graham Greene binge.  (Remember how I read everything Hardy wrote?) Well, I just started my 5th Greene novel and lo and behold -- on the dedication page a quote -- a Hardy quote (hmmmm).  I knew there had to be some connection.  Greene's characters seem fate-directed also, but not bound the way Hardy's are.  They have freedom to re-arrange things as they are set up and fate only presents them to situations.  That's how I feel fate really works, anyway.

It seems like I'm really boring, so...I'll stop for now.  (Paul says "whew!")

P.S.  Corneliusson -- I was reading a pamphlet on first name origins while I was organizing the vertical file at work and they explained in the intro how the origins of 1st and last names differed. You name just happened to be an example.  Just one line explaining how it had been shortened from that to Nelson.

October 24, 1974 (Letter from Bev)

How do you like your job and what's it like in Montana?  Grayce told me that you were working in a prison library.  Speaking of Grayce -- Diane and I went to her wedding.  Bill Snyder was there, but had to leave.  He had an accident and both of his headlights were knocked out.  He leaves for the army in January.  I don't know if Bill Louden got a job yet.  Have you heard from anyone at GSLIS?  Diane has a job in the library at the Customs House in Philadelphia.  I don't think she has started working yet.

Since September 16th I've been working as the medical librarian at Delaware State Hospital (it's a mental hospital).  The library is small  but quite adequate for the staff.  I do everything in the library, including shelving books!  I'm kept busy everyday and often I don't get things done that I had planned to do.  Some of the doctors expect to be waited on when they come into the library.  I'm not too pleased with having to look call numbers up and then get the books off the shelves while some doctor is following me around.  But how do I put an end to something like that which is expected of me?

This past weekend I went to a Medical Library Association conference at Rutgers.  Janet Seltman, who is working at Medical College of Pa., w there.  I met many people, including the librarian from Eastern Psychiatric Institute.  She's nothing like the late J. O'Mara.

I'm living in the town of New Castle, which is small (pop about 4,000) and safe (I hope).  My apartment is in an old house which was built around 1800.  I have a bedroom, bath, small kitchen, and combination dining-living room area.  The apartment was unfurnished and still isn't exactly what one would call furnished.  So far, I only have the essentials -- bed, dresser, table, and two chairs.  Hopefully, by spring I'll have a sofa.

Are you employed by the Federal government or the state of Montana?  I'm working for the State of Delaware, which gives me a lot of Monday holidays.  The benefits are good, probably better than working for a public library.

I wish you the best on your birthday and I hope that you are happy with your job.  Keep in touch.

October 22, 1974 (Letter from Grayce)

I've always really liked train whistles.  There's something very sad about them, though.  Today, on the way home from work (I have an hr and 15 minute bus ride) I got this overwhelming impulse to go to the ocean.  This is the first year of my life (except for my 1st possibly) that I have not gone to see my ocean.  I feel disloyal -- honest, it's a terrible feeling.  My favorite time to be there is about 8 o'clock (pm), all alone, when all the people are getting ready to go on the boardwalk.  It's the most peaceful time, especially if you can climb out over the rock and just sit.  I like Cape May best (have you ever been?) 'cause it's really unspoiled.  Sunrise is pretty nice, too, except the only time I've ever been was after I had stayed up all night and I was probably too exhausted those times to quietly appreciate.  (Aren't you thrilled to be hearing all this?)

*I thought you might appreciate this -- please notice the similarity between my present address and that of my parents.

You sound quite happy about work and that makes me happy.  I'm sure the people you help are really glad to have you.  I'm sure you're learning even more than they are.  When I was at Villanova, I took a course called "Black Urban Experience" (which was a sociology major's practicum but I convinced the dept head that a phil major should have this type of course, also.)  Most of the other soc courses seemed pretty worthless.  I was really glad I got this course (did I tell you about it?) We were really to design our own project and everyone did something different.  Most of the kids were afraid to go into Phila and do something so they picked a "ghetto" area around V.U. which is really a laugh since the rent average around that area is about 200/300 a month and hardly any of the blacks in Ardmore were exactly poor.

But I had been going up to Temple a lot (most of my friends were in Theater there) and had helped with the production of The Cage which was put on by this Barbed Wire Society -- a group of ex-cons who live together in a sort of commune, only not so utopian as many are.  So I decided to apply with them for a semester.  It was one of the best things I ever did -- although I must admit I was scared at first.  In fact, there 2 guys later told me they were apprehensive about me at first, too, because they didn't trust me.   (They didn't trust me?)  Anyway, I can understand you excitement about what you're doing and I know you'll be very successful because of the type of person that you are.

You told me to remind you of apples this time, so APPLES.

I always said you led a charmed life.  I recognized it almost immediately.  It wasn't in any specific instance, but there was something there.  I don't mean to harp (honest) but in a way, fate does tie in here.  I do not feel that I am fated to be a famous person per se, or very successful in a conventional way.  Rather, I seem drawn to certain people I know will be.  (You being one whom I feel has a certain thing to do.)  One of my friends told me (one who I feel will be very "famous") (I don't mean this in any sensational way) that she felt that she had to know me and that her whole future might depend on that.  When she said this I was just appalled.  I was even a bit afraid of her for awhile.  I certainly am no "guiding light" and I told her so but she still persists in this belief and usually before she does anything of even slight importance she consults me.  Of course, my "advice" is not always heeded and sometimes I hesitate or refuse to give any.  (Once I gave it unasked when I thought she was in particular danger and she was not at all pleased, for which she was really right, so I never did that again.)

Anywhoooo -- I've forgotten what the point of this entire things was in the first place now.  I certainly have a keen mind!   I was going to ask something about your statement about your erratic and non-committal character, but it's gone now, oh well...I'll probably think of it just as I'm mailing this.

I don't suppose I will ever get to read your journals unless they are published huh?  (Not that I'd expect to; I don't think I'd let anyone read mine.)  I don't suppose they will ever be published within my lifetime (this one, anyway) either, since they will probably go into print after y our are gone and with your healthy notions you'll definitely outlive me -- at least by 30 years, I'd guess.  I think I'll die by the time I'm 55.  (Of course, I won't mind if I live longer.)  Then I guess during my next lifetime I will come across them in a bookstore (providing I like to read in my next lifetime) and I will instantly be drawn to them.  After all, I do feel that I've known you before and probably for a fairly long time. Why else would things happen the way they do?  Why do we meet some people who are very much like us and whom we really don't like and don't feel drawn to?  (Sorry about the dangling participle, I'm always doing that.)  And then others who may be very different from us seem like old friends in a little short while?

Anyway, I'll be that man you met on the way to Minneapolis who was your father from another life or something like that.  I love to think about stuff like that.

Diane got that job in Phila.  I knew she would.  She will like it very much, I'm sure.  Also, she's only a 30 minute ride form Bev in Delaware.  And now when I come home for visits I can see them at least.  I don't think Pittsburgh can ever be my home.  I'm probably being very unfair, but it's just a big Altoona to me, y'know?  I feel kind of isolated in this place.  The neighbors are mostly older, but not old enough for me to go visit (more nearly my parent's age than my grandparents' age.) This sounds weird, I know, but I just feel this way.  I miss having friends my age to clown around with and I can't let myself become wholly dependent on Brook (although that would be really easy) because it just isn't good.

You might have guessed from my tone (bongggg) that I'm slightly lonely.  Actually, I shouldn't have time to be lonely.  When I'm not working or climbing my 1 1/2 mile hill to get to work from the bus, I'm sanding shelves (with that little sander we bought at Sears that day) or painting, or...ad nauseum.  So -- don't listen to me.  I'm a complainer from way back -- as I'm sure you've already surmised.

I must say first that I feel very sorry for Leslie.  I've never met her, but I know about her that she has good taste and that she has intuition and great love.  I suppose a final ending is best and in the long run hurts less than a long drawn out one.  I do hope she is alright as she seems so in love with you.

I think I have mentally written this part of the letter at least twelve times (mostly on the bus), and the versions have ranged from the sublime to the ridiculous.  Each one has also been mentally ripped up and thrown into the mental circular file.  My basic feeling is likely to be vague and I hope you will be patient with me.  I simply cannot write about this to any great extent.  The things I would like to say to you are things which should be said; they are things which go better with a smile and a hug rather than things which go with ink and paper.  Please understand.  I know you will.

Do you think we can postpone any further discussions of this until we can do it in person?  (I feel certain that we will be able to in the near future.)

I admire and respect your honesty (for telling me) and your self-discipline (for not telling me all the times you probably wanted to.)

Please know how fortunate I feel to be your friend.  Our friendship certainly has enduring qualities -- tempered strength.  I trust you, which is something that usually takes me longer to do than a few months. You must know that you have a very special place in my heart.

October 4, 1974 (Letter from Grayce)

Let me begin by answering your questions...(and let you begin by feeling the proper guilt for not having answered all of mine!) -- actually, I'm only jesting -- although I would be quite pleased if only you could tell me your opinion about fate (please?!?).  I know I am a terrible pest (mea culpa, etc.), but if only the kind gentle man (may I sop here and tell you -- yes I do have some point to make, only wait a few more seconds...) what a perfectly (oh well, almost perfectly, I supposed no one is really perfect -- I mean within reason) kind and thoughtful  person you are to take an interest in that woman.  This is the kind of thing you can't say in person very well, so I'm  happy that I can write it.  (Sorry to be writing on the wrong side of this, but what with the paper shortage )

So anyway, please comply (or be pestered completely!  (abt. fate, I mean).

Now (finally and with no more ado!) your questions:  1) tete-a-tete; 2) no, you did not tell me why Pgh was a fantasyland for you.  Why?; 3) no, I never (hardly ever, maybe) capitalize library science -- which brings me to the next question -- #4 ("What is your actual opinion of library science as a career? Be truthful now.")

Let me ask you if you have ever read Plato's Republic?  In it there is a discussion of the real and the unreal.  Plato feels that for each thing on earth there is some perfection which is being imitated.  (i.e.) If there is a chair on earth it is really only a chair, while the chair (or chairness) is somewhere else and being the only perfect chair nothing matches it -- although all good chairs aspire (to different degrees, naturally).  These perfections are form (essential forms of goodness).

Now -- he tells an allegory of a cave into which prisoners are taken (that's us Tweet).  They are forced to sit facing one of the walls.  In back of them (and they can never turn around) there is a "stage" where things and people can be.  They can move and be moved.  No -- I'm sorry.  The people and things are actually in front of the prisoners, but it happens that they are hidden from the prisoners by a roaring fire which comes between the 2 groups.  

Naturally, the fire casts a shadow of the people and things behind it onto  the wall which the prisoners face.  They see only the image and not the real and the recognize the image as the reality.

If they were released from those chains it would perplex them to be confronted with reality.  It would be painful, but it would be "worth it" since they would experience wisdom.

The last thing to be perceived in the world of knowledge is the essential form of goodness (true reality).  Without this, wisdom is not possible, so it is necessary to detach appearances and reality.

Therefore -- library science seems fit to relegate to the realm of the image (the shadow  rather than being anything real.  It appears to be a passive, menial "profession" with very little to offer one who wants to perform a real function.  It does not seem to be the type of work an activist could be attached to, being so staid and dry.

We -- as librarians -- are confined, it seems to me that we realized this before though, if not consciously, then at least in a small subconscious way.  We just hoped for more, you know?  I suppose to finish the comparison, we are kept from really doing (as the prisoners are kept from really seeing).  If we were given a chance to act maybe we wouldn't be up to accepting it -- or maybe we just wouldn't know what to do.

It would further seem that we could free ourselves but that this would involve hardship ($ not mental) and also what else would we do?

I don't know if this makes any sense at all, really.  At this point I'm hardly the person who would be stable enough to see anything like this clearly and you are probably all ready to have me escorted (white jackets, etc.) to the nearest looney bin.

I suppose my job is not too bad.  It is very hectic and I'm not exactly bored.  But by exactly bored I mean that it's frustrating in many ways.  It certainly is a far cry from what I've ever had planned as a lifework for myself.  I sometimes just stop and wonder just what the hell I'm doing at that place where nuns and only other women abound (I like to talk to men once in awhile and I'm sick of hearing about the guys at Vincent's - Seton Hill's brother school).  Every girl at Seton Hill dates someone from Vincent's -- how quaint! how parochial!!

Seton Hill is a cookie factory -- where almost (I have met some very interesting people) everyone is awfully similar.  It's just depressing   It is also a place where not to much (or no) independent or creative thought of any kind is appreciated.  (Do you know that I stapled something in an "unorthodox" way and had to remove all the stuff I did and change it.  I mean how mundane can you get?)  Also I am in charge of reserves which is a realllll pain (and not only an apparent one!)

I certainly sound mean.  I do the vertical file (subject headings, acquisitions, etc.) which I enjoy but hardly ever get to touch because of "priorities".  I also "do" the picture collection which I have never done 'cause of the above.

Also (last but certainly not least) I do the library statistics!  (And nI am not so good at it, either!) and I get to copy them all very neatly into a ledger -- a real scrivener!

(Ah Bartleby!  Ah, humanity!

I'm certainly being good company, well -- anyway, Bev seems quite thrilled about her job, so I suppose there's some good in it.  She (and you, too) are at least on your own.  Although I shouldn't complain 'cause I'm definitely learning something from the 2 people I work with.  (If it's of value remains to be seen,m of course!)

I don't know, I just hope things turn out all right.  (That's the trouble with being brought up Catholic -- always hoping for miracles.  Maybe I should move to New York and hang around 34th Street?)

This week has been been going pretty well -- actually (and surprisingly).  Yesterday, I got to see Diane (who had an interview at the Phila Customs House where I used to work!) for dinner.  It was so nice, almost like old times.  She is staying with Bev in Delaware.   (Bev works at Delaware State Hosp.)  It would really be nice if Diane got this job.  I hope she does; it's really a neat place to be.  Only 1 block from the wharfs -- really picturesque.  Also, she wants to be near home but not too near, so this would fit in.

I took the bus home (horrors!) on Wed.  I met the most intriguing person.  This guy from London who was traveling across America by thumb and by bus.  Her certainly was nice and we talked (nonstop) for seven hours.  When Phila came, (he was going to N.Y.) we had dinner and I felt as though I were leaving an old friend when we kissed goodbye.  It was very strange, but very nice.  He said that parts of my Philadelphia accent were borrowed from very high class (snobby) English, and he was amazed that he was hearing this in America.  (Imagine that!)  I suppose I shall have to tone that down!  (If I ever went to England it wouldn't help because I could never be mistaken for class!)

I think we've miscommunicated about perceiving what others really feel and think.  I do believe it can be done and I feel I often do it, but I wonder if what we think is the subconscious thought or feeling which we are viewing is really only another coverup.  Or a calculated thing?

That's really what made me take up reading cards.  Not so much to inform the other person of himself, but often to inform myself about the other person.  There are insights to be gotten from not only the information the cards give, but also the reactions the person has to what the card say.   These insights are not otherwise readily available for view in any form, let alone a form so easily discernible.

What? -- oh, never mind;  it's a vicious circle.

Right now I am very happy about the wedding and I thank you for you good wishes.  I'm most excited about going to New England this week because I know it will be gorgeous.  I'm sorry to go on about this but It's the only thing (violins, softly  which I have had to look forward to for the past few months.

Please do send me come smpale of your writing if you wish to, ok?  I would like it very much.  Take care now.

P.S.  I haven't seen Kate or spoken to her.  Everytime I call her she seems to be out.  I will say "hello" to her for you when I finally do get to see her.

September 10, 1974 (Letter from Grayce)

Your organization ("I keep all the letter I have received in ring-bound notebooks") constantly amazes me!  Never again do I wish to be poked fun at about "urgent".  I have been painting all night and am really tired.  It is not a good way to begin a letter, as a matter of fact, this is really absurd, but I think I'm going to stop now and do this tomorrow when I can give it my full attention (see: how important I consider you?!).  Good night....

11 September 1974 -- Well, this is much better.  From your letter you certainly seem to be adjusting rather well to your new environment   I didn't know that polar bears were quite so versatile!  (Maybe it's that cooler climate bringing out your inherent qualities.

Today was a very nostalgic day.  I had a doctor's appointment in Oakland -- so decided to stop by at GSLIS first to see Mr. Lee (who wasn't in -- as usual).  Dr. Kolish was out also, but I did see Mr. Wray  and all the secretaries and Dr. Immroth was so nice to me.  He really looks fine, ans says he's doing well.  I'm so proud of him.  He's really a nice person, but I worried about this way of life.  You know, he actually looks 10 years younger?

I saw Ray Martin.  He said "hello".  I also saw the new batch of students in the library, lounge, etc.  None, of course, quite as precocious as we.  My doctor is on the 500 block of N. Neville -- so -- (my ever-failing sense of direction leading me) -- I decided it must be 1 block up from where you used to live and over 2 blocks.  Guess again.  I passed old "lacucaracha heaven" on Melwood and from there on it took me 1/2 hour to find the good doctor.  Oh well...

Send me a picture of "typical Montana".  I know I shall never see it in person, except by maybe a weird twist of fate.  Speaking of fate -- how do you feel about it?  I love it, actually sometimes.  I guess that's why I like Hardy.  Sometimes things seem awfully controlled to me, you know?  I mean, there are endless possibilities to a situation and it seems as though the possibility that occurs always fits in with another possibility occurring along the parallel of what's happening.  I kind of wonder if possibilities count at all, or if they're just put there by the Practical Joker (Melville's idea of God is certainly bizarre, but maybe  it's true?) to make us think there are endless possibilities?  I don't know, obviously another thing that's been bothering me lately -- human emotion.   Maybe I've always previously had the good fortune to meet simple, open people -- but I always felt that human emotion was a very transparent thing -- or at least translucent.  But lately (as far back as a few years ago, really) it seems much more opaque.  I mean, I didn't always feel that feelings were bared consistently or without guard exactly, but merely that they were fairly easy to discern.  I felt that I could glean from expressions, glances, gestures what a person felt, or at least a slight approximation of their emotion -- not an empathy because I feel that that is very rare and not even consistent among very close people.  But I dont' feel it so much anymore.  Even in people with whom  I've formerly felt it -- only sometimes.  I feel that there are layers and layers of depths and each has to be peeled.  I'll bet even when you reach the core there's something hidden -- a little seed that is impossible to open.  Oh, listen to me (or rather, don't).  See what happens when you get involved with philosophy majors!  They're a bizarre crew!

Anyway to make a long story short (although I never do), I just know that there are some things (both about ourselves and others) that we just can never know!  It's just beyond our reach.  I just got the full impact of that, maybe I'm just slow.  That must be it...I'm just newsy -- I want to know everything.

I'm going to change the subject completely for some good news -- Bev got a job!!!  Only I don't know where -- I just got a phone message that she called while I was out.  I'll let you know what's what as soon as I know.  I'm glad; she was really miserable these past few weeks.  Diane is still looking but she seems fairly calm -- I have never seen Diane worry past the point of just saying "I'm worried" -- I mean, no nervous mannerisms, etc.  Very stable, wish I could imitate!

By the way, I've just decided that you are not allowed to move anywhere for another two years -- at least   I have 3 addresses for you in my address book and if you move once more you will ruin everything, so STAY STILL!!!  (ok?)  (pick, pick, pick)  Maybe someone will give us an address book for a wedding present -- one that has interchangeable spots for addresses.  I mean it -- my friends are vagabonds.  I myself have had only 6 addresses in my life (and most were summer).  Why can't people follow this good example?  (heh, heh)

Did I tell you that I got no duplicates of anything at my shower?  (which was held regardless of the fact that I explicitly stated that there was to be none!)  The noive!  Anyway -- sorry -- no toaster oven will be arriving for you (I didn't get one either, don't cry, tweety!)  We'll see what happens with wedding presents -- I give you fair warning though -- don't expect any address books -- I need all of those that I can get!

This job is really hectic!  The director is a nice woman, but very disorganized and she has all of us a wreck.  I keep reminding myself that this job is not worth killing myself over-- but my brain can't seem to get the message straight -- I'll probably have 3 ulcers by April (if I last that long!)  I'm in charge of "Reserves" (oh, joy!), also picture file and vertical file (neither of which have I even seen yet -- they being what I'm interested mostly in!)  I had forgotten what it was like to be under a nun's wing.  (Oh only that it could have remained forgotten.)

In high school I gradually lost all respect for Catholicism per se -- in college I found (in Phil and Theo  a reason to respect it again -- to actually like it, even and to hold it dear again.  I have a penguin's chance in hell of keeping this here.  This place is really provincial (I can understand why your friend Barb left.)  I can't wait til Oct 3rd so I can come here only to work.  It seemed like an ivory tower -- now it seems like prison.  Stifling is too good a word.  I can't say what I feel about the job yet because I haven't gotten accustomed to ti or to all the people yet.  It will take at least 2 months, if not longer.  (myeer!)

You know, I really wish I had a job like yours -- it seems interesting, but with so many insights to get.  I suppose it will never happen -- but maybe, meanwhile you'll have to tell me all about it -- ok?  Everything -- even little thoughts you have about it.  Do you mind?  If so, tell me.  You probably think me such a pest.  I'm sorry.

I hope you are well, and not lonely out there.  But you like to be alone, huh?  But not always?  Have you written anymore dreams lately?  What does your place look like (colors, etc).  Is it large?  Polar bears should have room for their coat to breathe.