November 22, 1972 (Letter from Tony)

I'm sitting here in Laguna Beach, Calif.  It's Tuesday so the Cottage Restaurant is closed.  Can you imagine that.  I cam down here just to eat there and ask the people if they know Paul Nelson and they are closed on Tuesdays.

The sun is shining here, it's just beautiful weather.  You already know the scenery.

I came down to Newport Beach with a friend who lives in Manville.  His father owns a very small beach house there.  I was just going to come down for the weekend to get out of Berkeley and law school and the dorms and to get myself refreshed.  Then, I was invited to Thanksgiving dinner in LaHabra, part of L.A. buy a girl whose parents are going to Arizona.  So, a group of people from the  dorm are coming down for that.

Well, I decided to stay down here for these 3 school days so that I could have a real vacation.  And it's been really nice.

Tim and I drove down here Saturday and it seemed like it took a couple of weeks.  We got stoned and were just driving and driving.

Sunday and Monday we went to the beach for awhile and relaxed the rest of the time.  Tim flew back last night so I now have his truck to drive around and place to stay by the beach.

Berkeley has been going along at not a particularly good pace.

There have been some fine moments but there are too many bothersome little things, like living in the dorm, having to work, which gets frustrating because a lot of what we are learning is garbage, and lastly, having to  (we interrupt this letter to bring you a public service renouncement.  A shifty eyed, probably Community leaning, freak has stolen a red pen, and acting nervous, please call your local police department.  Thank you.  We now return to you letter, already in progress) be so very analytical and literal minded.  I guess the basic problem is one of discipline.  I'm working on it, and anyway, there are only 3 weeks left in this semester.

What are you doing over Christmas?  I sure would like to see you.  I've been very slow about writing you but there are many things I want to talk to you about.  I'm flying to Chicago on a charter flight, going to Columbus to see my sister Rose, then flying to Buffalo.  I should get there by Dec. 20.  Will you still be around there?  I'm looking forward to seeing whoever is left in Buffalo.

Do you remember Nancy, the girl who was part of my wine parties in Buffalo?  Well, anyway, she drove to San Diego to see some friends of here and today they are coming up here.  It will be good.

I've been disappointed by my ability to adapt so far.  I think I'm being too harsh on myself.  I know it will take time to build up relationships like I had in Buffalo.  I fell that hits vacation will be a turning point; I've spent some time reordering my mind and deciding on courses of action.

Patience and discipline are still my keys.  I've lost of lot of my patience and I never did have much discipline.  Ha.

I've come up with this analogy about what's been going on.  You see, it's like light waves.  Each person admits these, and it's a function of their internal state as to how intense these emanations are.  A laser is incredibly powerful because all is in harmony, the purpose and discipline are there.  Right now I feel like I'm giving off varying intensities, at times it's fairly pure, at other times the waves get out of synchronization and the various saves, rather than reinforcing each other, merely interfere.  That leads to frustration. At this point I feel like it's getting stronger.  I realize I am possessed of more potential now that ever before.  I need the strength to control and direct it.  Well, I just go.  I hope to see you in a few weeks.  Let me know what you'll be going.

September 9, 1971 (Letter from Barb Lucia)

Howdy -- you fucker!  What in the hell are you doing????  Don't you know that living at the beach is all a fantasy -- life that's only good for a little while -- believe me I know and don't I know that's why I'm the dud I am now!  So hep me Nelson, if you do what I did I'll kill you!  I feel like it's my kid or something...really, "what are you going to do?" -- GIANT QUOTES around that question.  When I first heard you were in California I was home -- in Warren Pa 16365 -- I went home for a week -- my mother had an operation -- she has cancer and they had to remove her breast -- it was really heavy for them, so I had to go home for the week.  So I casually call up your house to see where you're living in Buffalo -- I'm there -- California??  Then Mardi tells me you're staying there.  Well, what can I say?  Paul -- how can you, of all people, quit school?  You are the original enjoyer of school --I've never known anyone to enjoy it and get more out of it than you do -- when I quit I knew it would be a wasted  year for me to go on, but for you I don't see it that way.  Anyway, maybe I'm worrying all for naught -- why don't you write and tell me -- I'll only be here on the island till Sunday, then back to Boston and home for a few weeks to help my mother out.  So write to me at home -- OK?

The summer here ended as suddenly as if someone shut it down for the season.   Labor Day was everyone's last day at work and boom -- everything closed and everyone went back to where they came from.  Now the roads are deserted and we are just wondering what to do with the days until we go.  It's like country time -- we have gone through changes in our house lately -- Woodstock II has arrived -- everyone wanting just a place to be and music to listen too -- our house is it.  I can't explain the latest hassles but I will when I see you.  Why in hell can't people get along -- even people that you like you can't get along with anymore.  People are such fucking assholes to each other -- our time here-- I mean on the island -- is so short -- why can't we be generous.  Shit.  Time anywhere is fucking short -- it always seems that it will last forever until all at once you're remembering it.  Mardi told me she was coming here and then I got a letter that she's not and guess why -- no $$$.  Now what the hell kind of fucking excuse is that but with Mardi and Bill it's true.  So I didn't answer to call -- so she called me last night and we talked about all this shit.  There were 10 million people here-- 5 million of whom no one in the house knew and I couldn't talk really freely on the phone -- it's so rare you get to talk freely now-a-days -- it used to be you did it very day of your life!  Everyone's grown up!  I'm also running out of paper -- what am I babbling about?  Hey, I got a letter from Joan today.  Her life is like a fucking soap opera -- she moved on on Freddy -- she said she got drunk and tried to kill him (?) -- but they're together now and all is well.  Did you get all that?  She is also going back to Clarion in January and the government is paying for it.  If that marriage makes it, it will be all Joan's doing -- I hope she can do it!  And Mardi and Bill are not making it together either -- God, the whole thing just sucks -- people are just determined to fuck everything up.  But Mardi's staying tho -- working and going to school at night again this year.  Where the hell does she have to go?  If I didn't go back to Boston where the hell would I go?  I was thinking today -- up on the top of the back field behind our house -- why can't we all be back where we were 2 or 3 years ago, only be what we are now -- just have our new selves there-- I had it all figured out anyway.  I went out in the field w/ Harry to get away from PEOPLE -- I swear I'm going to be a hermit in another year or so -- so I hope I see you before then so I can talk to you.

I saw Mike when he was home -- he's applying to the Peace Corps for next year -- duh!  And Tina and Mark are just about goners -- they're both hitched by now.  So what else is new -- no new lights in my horizon -- for once in 3 years -- everything seems planned out and all I have to do is follow it all through.  I'm going home for a while -- then back to Boston to old Calumet St. and the old job at Mass Mental.  And every fall I'm usually freaking out wondering what to do -- it all seems so dull this way -- maybe something will come up and fuck me up -- if I'm lucky.  You know my Boston address -- right?  It'll be me and Doreen and Nancy and -- get this -- Doreen and John are getting married -- that's too much in itself -- and planning to live with us in the same place when they do.  Shades of Apt 203, Lake Street!  Oh we are just so unconventional aren't we?  Now I am going to end all this -- just write soon.  Take care Paul -- I hate to say it, but I will (see you at Christmas) SHIT!

May 7, 1971 (Letter from Barb Lucia)

Hi there you freak -- how are you doing?  The whole scene here has changed completely since you were her e-- all of a sudden out of 3 weeks of rain, today popped up -- hot and sunny, as if its' been summer for at least 6 months.  Of course everybody had to rush outside and hang out in the sun -- it's so rare to have sun in Boss-town!  All other shit is about the same -- Pam has settled down somewhat -- the crisis are only about once a month.  We had a giant quarrel and eve since have been getting along pretty well -- if we didn't live together we'd get along super -- too bad about that.  Doreen is roving around the country side every weekend singing with the band.  I never see her on weekends but she usually leaves me her car for the weekend so I'm not grounded.  Things are really dead.  I know some day soon I'm just going to bolt, pack up my belongings, take Harry and stick out my thumb toward the Cape.  Wait and see -- the job things is the hassle -- I haven't spoken to "the man" about it yet -- I haven't any plans - -so what can I tell him?  Fuck.  How are your plans -- will it be Buffalo for the summer?  I imagine you're right in the middle of papers, finals, etc.  I had to do one paper for my class and it was such an effort -- I can't imagine being in school full-time now!  You know when you were sick in February?  Well, I had the same shit all this week -- my throat was hanging out -- I got a Dr's appointment and got some penicillin -- he thought it might be mono and I could see myself in bed all summer! -- but I don't think it is.  Such shit.  All I did this week was rest after work, and work on my paper.  I went out last nite to a party at Teddy's -- forgot what it's like to go out.  Got stoned and generally hung out.

Did I tell you I went home -- I guess I did, huh?  The week after you were here.  I really enjoyed being home for the weekend -- now how's that for culture shock?  I visited Mrs. P, went up to Rimrock and clonked around -- - it was nice, didn't mind it at all.  I tried to call Joan from home but couldn't locate her so I called her after I got back.  She had just gotten home from work (at a store) and sounded pretty good.  1st thing she asked me was if I saw her mother.  Now how could I see her mother -- they wouldn't let me in the house I'm sure.  Joan's heard from her father and from Carol but of course her mother is being a martyr -- I know that it really bothers Joan -- I wish her mother would give in a little -- what a jerk she is.

Well, I am the last one left in the office -- this 9-5 is for shit when it's nice out -- what's up for the weekend -- ever since I've been sick all I've wanted to do is rest -- get out of my rocker and go.

Me and Nancy went to the Vineyard one weekend just looking around and froze our asses off at nigh t-- things do not look encouraging for a job there -- but when do things ever look encouraging -- the thing is to go it and if it doesn't work out -- move on.  Right?  Duh.  I don't know.

I wonder how things are with the Minneapolis people -- haven't heard from Mardi in awhile -- if they go to the Bahamas or Florida with Mr. Sayles I'll kill Mardi!  Not that I want to go to Florida, but I just want to go somewhere.  If Anderson ever saves the money he should get a gold medal; and a slap on the back -- what a superhuman feat!  Everyone seems so far away -- all the people I want to see are halfway across the fucking country and here I am going to work every day -- doo-doo-doo.   As you may be able to tell, I am discouraged about the whole deal -- and any words of wisdom are appreciated.  I just feel that nothing will ever go right -- and if they do -- it will only be for a little while -- blah.  Forget all this schlopp and have a happy spring -- write soon and take care.