July 31, 1975 (Letter from Grayce)

Pittsburgh Press, November 3, 1948

Back from fantasy-land!  I really feel very relaxed today, but I definitely miss the beach.  Now I'm looking sourly at several heaps of wash that must be done by this evening.  One thing I really hate is unpacking.  I've been know to not unpack for days & just use other things-- until my mother would be ready to kill me.  Maybe it's because I don't like to see things end that were good & then again, maybe it's because I'm extremely lazy -- probably the latter!  Speaking of lazy, I promised myself I'd hem curtains for the dining room, but there they sit, near the wash, reprimanding me with every word I wrote.  Maybe I'd better do some things about at least 1 basket to assuage my conscience and then return?

There -- I fell better already.  Towels are in and everything else is sorted.  Are you still patronizing the laundry for your shirts?  (For shame, if you are.)  Is there a laundry in Deer Lodge?  I'm sure there must be (and if so, Tweety has found it?)

I can't think of a nicer honor than being on your dedication page, although I cannot really claim to have donated any of the spirit you speak of.  I do feel that you are talented & can accomplish your goal but only with lots of discipline, which I'm sure you already recognize.  That seems to be the most difficult part of any talent we are given.  Potential is only a foggy breath on glass.  Oh well--

Speaking of "literary" pursuits -- I was at GSLIS (blasphemy) & saw Grant Lee (do you think his parents must have been Civil War buffs?) & he mentioned the index & then proceeded to not be able to find it!  But he says he thinks it can get published.  God only knows when though.  I didn't mention it -- he did.  So we shall see.  Unhappily, I missed Kate.  I did want to see her. . People there told me that she wasn't well again.  She is still teaching, which is probably not doing her any good, but, then again, I suppose when people are active, being inactive may be more of a harm.

Maybe we can visit her when you come for a visit?  By the ways -- have any plans gelled on that lately.  Oct?  When -- how long, etc.?  I'm only being pushy because I'm anxious!  And also because one of the purposes of my being is to plan!  (And make alternate plans, too, of course.) Brook refuses to listen to any plans whatsoever because he doesn't believe -- but we know what concentration can do, don't we? I suppose that if enough plans go awry anyone can lose faith, huh?  Maybe even me.

Almost time for the shirts to go in.  I'd better bring them down.  Be right back.  Luckily I made tonight's dinner ahead of time and froze it -- uh, modern conveniences.  My grandmother still will not use any of these, though.  She gets up at 5:30 each morning & attends 6:00 mass and comes home by 7:00 after chatting with friends.  It takes her about 2 hrs to prepare their main meal which they have at 1:00 after my grandfather comes in from scouring the junk stores on Passyunk Avenue where he is well-known.  *(He likes gadgets!)  Maybe their life is better, but I doubt that life will ever be that way in America unless we have a catastrophe of some sort that forces it upon us. Maybe I should go to Idaho, just to live a simple life for awhile.  I know I could do it here, but I would not really be forced to.

I don't have a really automated life, I suppose.  I usually walk when I have to go somewhere (within reason, anyway) and I never use convenience foods unless I absolutely have to.

When we were on Brook's uncle's farm, something that really struck me was the number of convenience foods his aunt used.  I thought they would use all fresh things &  bake their own bread, etc.  I suppose this was rather naive of me.  They really hardly have any time to themselves -- let alone time for making bread.  My mother does these things, but she doesn't work, so it's really a luxury to be able to do them, I guess.  Getting up at 4:00 a.m. to milk 30 cows precludes bread-baking -- a new rule?

While we were on vacation I saw a drop spindle in a little shop which will let me do some of my own wool spinning.  It was only $3 and although it's difficult to learn to use, it will be better than paying $200 for a spinning wheel.  Now, all I need is some sheep's wool - I wonder if the neighbors would mind if I kept a black sheep in the back yard?  I doubt that they'd be pleased.

Oh well -- I guess I'll never get to 25 or 30 pages!

November 26, 1974

Whittier School hallway, Great Falls, Montana

Photo taken September 1974

Speaking of stationery...class, huh?  Just one glance into this box and its contents will reveal to you the secret workings of the maniacal mind, with all its twisted, circuitous routes.  The cigar box (compliments of Mr. Walker) was the strongest one I could find.  I wouldn't want Tweety's head squashed beyond recognition (although, maybe you don't even recognize his sweet face in the full now?)

Actually, when I first "began" Tweety, I had intended the day of his "completeness" to coincide with the day of your birth -- but human imperfection and laziness being personified in my being, such was not the case.  Please accept my contrite words of apology anyway.  You are now the proud (well, maybe that's putting it a little too strongly?) of one Tweet (not thoroughly approved by his owner, but loved all the more for his little imperfections).  Please note the scarf and how it carries out the "theme".

Last week I had the thrilling experience of returning once again to our old "Alma Mater" (funny, how I don't seem to be able to love her imperfections -- maybe there are only so many imperfections one can take!?)  Actually, I didn't want to go, because my last visit there awoke in my myriad strange feelings -- some good; some not so.  But I had called Kate a few weeks before and inadvertently mentioned that I'd be in to see her some day and unfortunately for me, she demanded me to be explicit -- i.e., I was to make an appointment....so.  Actually, I did like seeing her, but I would rather have seen her elsewhere.  I had intended to stop by quickly (*by going straight up to the seventh floor) and then leaving quietly.  But meeting Dr. Kryzs in the elevator foreshadowed disaster!  He was full of questions -- luckily I wasn't full of answers and I escaped.  Kate told me not to stay at this job longer than 1 year (I wish someone would stop saying that and do something constructive like tell me where to get another job.)  We had a nice chat and she was particularly interested in you.  I told her how happy you are and she was pleased.  Then I got up to leave.  I had left dough at home rising because I thought for use that I'd be home in time to roll it out and bake it and have it ready for dinner at 6:00.  But she asked if I had seen Wray and of course I said not.  So -- down to the 5th floor.  Everything has changed -- the library is now on the 3rd floor -- walls are gone, etc. very strange.

So -- I went down expecting to say hello-goodbye but surprisingly enough I talked to Wray (or rather, he talked to me) for almost 2 hours.  We never had a conversation like that before.  10 minutes at the most.  Actually, when I first saw him I felt extremely awkward, I just don't know why, but I couldn't find any words.  So -- then I got up to go and Mr. Lee called from his office and said "Aren't you going to visit with me?"  And really, I did want to see him.  By the way, he did not mention the index and I did not either because I figured if he had any spectacular news he would say it and he didn't so -- I see the index primarily as you do, although I would not mind seeing it published.  I was happy to do it because I feel that I got to know you lots better than if we hadn't and that's enough for it to have done, you know?

Paulie, I certainly did not expect a wedding present.  It was very sweet of you, but do not worry about getting it here quick.  Also, about letters, I would like very much if you, when one of my letters appeared, could be happy to receive it, and not worry about writing back so much.  Your letters are always welcome -- even the "mundane" ones.  I know how you feel.  I get in moods when I can't write much.  So don't feel you "must."  Even a short letter is better than none.  I don't wish to be a pest.  OK?

Brook feels as you do about Christmas.  I like it because I like to make things and stuff like that.  I like to decorate.  I suppose that is a very pagan attitude, but I look forward to it.  I do not like Christmas shopping or anything like that.  But I do hope you will change your mind and have a little tree?  You can decorate it simply.  I don't want to think of you there at Christmas alone.  I probably am making you sick so I will stop, but please reconsider?  Anyway, it is none of my business (but, of course) when did that ever stop me?

How nice about Ken and Denise.  I really don't think they could expect you to travel all that way, though.  It would be crazy.

Are you ever scared at work -- like when that fight occurred?  I don't know, I guess I'm really weird but I would be.

Did you look like you do now when you were 3?  (I mean minus the 6"2", of course) (actually, not minus all of it--)

Harvey mentioned the possibility of going back to the ministry.  I don't know though; he didn't seem really excited about It and I think if you're going to do something like that, you should be.  Oh, well, maybe he is and didn't show it.

Diane is terribly excited because she got Tweety glasses for you at Arby's (I think).  We are going to see her at Thanksgiving.  She's having dinner at my parents' since she wasn't going home for just one day   I really miss her very much.  We asked Bev, too, but she has the long weekend and is going home.

Speaking of Bev, I wrote out Robert's Christmas card last night.  It was certainly tame compared to some of the others that we've sent.  The idea is that I am now living in Philadelphia and missing Alabama's mild winters very much...poor Robert.  Bev said she saw him when she was home and he did not even stop to talk to her -- maybe he's guessed?  I don't know how, though.  It's really untraceable.  In a way, I feel sad now that I can only send him cards once a year, but actually he's probably very grateful and in a way it's better.

The people who live upstairs from us are from Washington State.  They wanted to come "east" for a few years.  They are quite nice.  (Vicki has a loom and will lend it to me.)  I've always wanted one but they are so expensive to buy.  Brook said he would make me one but if it gets done as quickly as the pottery wheel then I won't be able to use it, being crippled by arthritis.  I should not expect so much.  He's so busy not only with work but with this strange house.  He also is busy listening to me complain unnecessarily.

Only last week we spoke of selling this house and moving into some assembly-line apartment in which no plastering, sanding, painting, ----had to be done.  My passion for Victorian homes is slowly diminishing.  The people upstairs have lived here for 5 years and they are just beginning to be satisfied with all the work they've done.  We don't even know if we will be here that long.  I certainly don't  want to stay here for the rest of my life.  (Paul says, "enough, enough.")

Actually I don't need either a loom or a wheel because I won't have time to do anything like that. It's icing.  The house has to look half decent first, I guess.

I have to go in town today and naturally the weather is not cooperating at all.  It's raining and snowing -- slushy!yech.  But I simply cannot put this off anymore.  I'm so lazy lately (even lazier than before? he says, oh, it is not possible.)  By the time I get to work sometimes I am ready to leave, especially when I work til 10 on Thursday -- get home at 11:15 and have to get up at 6:30 Friday (I can't go to sleep at 11:15 -- especially after coming home from work.  I'm just too fidgety. I do regret it the next morning however.

Lately I'm been on this Graham Greene binge.  (Remember how I read everything Hardy wrote?) Well, I just started my 5th Greene novel and lo and behold -- on the dedication page a quote -- a Hardy quote (hmmmm).  I knew there had to be some connection.  Greene's characters seem fate-directed also, but not bound the way Hardy's are.  They have freedom to re-arrange things as they are set up and fate only presents them to situations.  That's how I feel fate really works, anyway.

It seems like I'm really boring, so...I'll stop for now.  (Paul says "whew!")

P.S.  Corneliusson -- I was reading a pamphlet on first name origins while I was organizing the vertical file at work and they explained in the intro how the origins of 1st and last names differed. You name just happened to be an example.  Just one line explaining how it had been shortened from that to Nelson.

September 15, 1974 (Letter from Sue)

My dear Pole --

And I don't mean from Warsaw!  I am ever so sorry not to have written long 'ere this.  I was overjoyed to receive your long, long letter ('way back last July!) with its detailed and descriptive account of ALA.  Apparently "something" did happen to Phil there-- they way I herd it (from Grant, when I passed through Pittsburgh in August) was that Phil did "something unmentionable", though Grant doesn't know what.  I'm consumed with curiosity -- what could it be?

I was sorry to miss you, both in Pittsburgh and in Warren -- I guess your father told you that I called -- I just didn't know when we would get to Pgh -- we had a steaming radiator in Nevada and had to spend some time getting it fixed, etc.

Anyway, I heard that some prison library in Montana was trying to get in touch with you!  For all I know, you could be there now!  (I met a guy recently who graduated from SUNY Albany and who was the libn at Comstock.)  At any rate, I have a feeling that you're gainfully employed as of now (which is more than I can say for myself -- all in good time, I always say.)

Where are you and what are you doing?!  And what of the others -- I spoke to Michael on the phone in Aug -- and he agreed w/ me that U. Maryland is an elitist institution, but other than that, I haven't heard a breath of news (gossip?) since I heard from you and Janet in July.

I'm especially curious about Carmelle -- do you know what she's up to?  I wonder if she's still w/ Gregg -- do you know?

Also -- Paul, you sounded sort of forlorn w/ regard to your penchant for attached women -- (do you think it could be a defense? -- I don't mean to give you a lot of psychoanalytical nonsense, truly I don't -- but do you think it's a defense, a coincidence, that you tend to "fall for" women w/ prior commitments?).  I didn't know you felt so strongly about Grayce.  I always thought she felt that way about you -- though I confess to knowing nothing, except what you've told me, about her own state of independence or lack thereof -- I just had always had a feeling that she "had a crush" on you.  The old pitter-pat, pitter, pat.

For heaven's sake -- of course there's someone "out there" who is not already married, engaged, living w/ someone, a lesbian, or anything else in that category which seems to deny access, one individual to another (of course, some of us don't' believe in that category  but I admit, there are limitations).   Anyway, I think it's always hard to find that one mate -- a companion who can fulfill so many areas of one's life.  Some -- a lot -- of people spend their lives looking for the all-encompassing, multifaceted, soul-mate -- I don't' think any person can satisfy all of one's needs - do you?

I understand what you say about Leslie, though -- if it's not there, it's not there, though I'm sure it's not easy to break those old ties.

I've been reading a lot of Canadian fiction lately (a body of literature largely unknown up there, though it's lately come to surface).  There's a writer I think you'd particularly like -- Brian Moore -- his origins are Irish, and he now lives in sunny Calif -- but he's a naturalized Canadian citizen.  Just read An Answer from Limbo -- great book, dealing w one's art vs. one's personal life, ties, etc., but told in such a human/realism way that it's impossible to put down.  Manhattan locale, which you'd also like, I think.

I think you'd find Montreal intriguing -- which it is , if a somewhat tough nut to crack -- after a most trying week of looking for an apt, we finally found one -- situated in an old, formerly elegant (you know how I love faded grandeur, a la Atlantic City) residential area very centrally located.  Large, sunny, w/ 6 ft windows -- and totally unfurnished.   After a week of sleeping on hardwood floors, we finally got some furniture and are ready to commence Montreal living.  When we get the phone, I'll start job-hunting.  (I finally got my resume down to one page.)

Montreal is really divided between French and English -- even extends to the architecture -- part is London brick row-houses and part is Parisian stone and mansard roofs.  Unfortunately, much has been destroyed by the high-rise construction -- begun for the Expo and continued for the '76 Olympics -- I'm not finding the French (language) too easy, though it's coming, bit by difficult bit.

There are excellent restaurants here, as well as a good street scene.  The music scene I don't know yet -- but I maintain that the French -- even the North American French -- can't handle rock.  Everything comes out like Gilbert Becaud or Charles Aznavour.  I s'pose there's poetry in the lyrics -- but tune-wise -- well, there's nothing quite like the San Francisco sound!

Isn't it strange to think our year of academic endeavor is over -- all those hours gossiping in the library, writing last minute papers (in my case -- I know yours were finished months in advance , you show-off!)  Have you done anything further w/ pub of the R. S. index?  My friend the ex-Comstock libn (who is now a serials libn in an academic library) says he knows of no idea and thinks it's a good idea.

Well, my dear -- I hope this letter finds you in good spirits and financially solvent.  If you aren't working, and are w/in driving distance -- do come up to Montreal.  I'd love to see you again, soon -- (don't you think we should have a reunion?!) (you're the ex-class Pres, and as ex Social Chairwoman, who fell down in her duties toward the end, I can help you plan it!)  Seriously, do consider it.

November 29, 1973 (Letter from Leslie)

Well hello sweetie.  Thank you for sending the postcard so I know you are still alive.  I had imagined that you were busy.  I don't know what to say about us, I guess my last postcard is the most correct.  The subject is not a very good one for discussion by letter.  I hope in your next missal you will make some comments on the things I wrote -- your letter to me was a hard one to write an answer to and continuing thoughts on it have made me cover a lot of ground but if I am still important to you and your feelings haven't changed then I will be comfortable with that.  Please write a letter, though, because I miss your chatty letters discussing what you have been doing.  So no more on that until I hear from you again.

Your independent study project sounds interesting.  I have read (and will enclose it) that Rolling Stone has published a volume of select reviews and has just come our with record reviews from its early years of publication complete with a 20 page index.  As far as I can tell those are the only two aspect indexed.  I imagine you have your sources already but just in case not, Collison has written Indexes and Indexing and is somebody at least readable.

A couple of weeks ago on a Sunday I went to an antique show with my aunt.  I loved it and I think you would have enjoyed it.  It was at least 30 independent dealers showing select wares -- lots of crystal, boxes, and a few specializing in books.  One dealer was the best as far as having books, manuscripts, maps, and personal correspondence.  I could see myself getting into that whole racket -- I already collect stuff.

My car has been acting up and continues to eat gas so I've gone to the dealer where I bought my other motorcycle and have put down a deposit on a new Honda 350F.  It is the baby of the four cylinder bikes and should be smooth as glass -- no vibration like you have with twin cylinder bikes.  It will make a nice small touring bike, very comfortable, which is what I will need commuting to Albany as much as I do.  I'm looking forward to being on two wheels again.

Not much else -- I've been doing a lot of reading lately trying to get most things out of the way.  Had a nice Thanksgiving -- went to NYC for a hot minute.  My father forgot to leave the bills of lading at the terminal in Edgewater, N.J. and my granny was going down Friday to visit so Mom, Nana, and I left after dinner on Thurs and ran the errand.  Unfortunately the people I wanted to see were all busy.  Mom and I drove back on Friday.  I drove up through Manhattan and Yonkers and part way up the Taconic Parkway.  It was the most driving I have done in NYC and wasn't as bad as it looks.  Saturday I went to a party and it was like a small old home week with some long unseen faces.  Sunday was a second Thanksgiving dinner in Troy with friends.  The food was great -- everybody had contributed something -- I made the gravy.  It was good -- I like lots of people around holidays.

Will continue later.

Friday 30:Nov '73 - Good afternoon -- am sitting in the library school  library and thought I would finish writing this before doing some work.

The other day I picked up my pictures and I was really pleased the way they came out.  It was the first time using a tripod.  The longest exposure was 1 second.  I shot a roll of black and white and a roll of color.  The quality of the color pictures was really fine -- I was pleasantly surprised.  Took portrait shots of Mom, Nana, and Dad and they came out great.  So whenever I see you again, will you sit for me?

On the local AM stations they are starting to play Steely Dan's new song.  I don't know the title but it has the phrase "But I did not think that girl could be so cruel and I'm never going back to my old school."   Really fine.  Last night a bunch of us went to the Pub and they were playig some fine listening music by Aretha Franklin, Laura Nyro, and Carole King.  (I think mostly from the Fantasy album.)  Feel like dancing now again -- haven't been since I was in Pittsburgh.

Tonight Chris and I are going to see American Graffiti.  Have you seen it yet?  I've been meaning to go for at least a month and so am looking forward to it.  Still haven't gotten my records from RCA so no comments on Lookin' In.

I guess that's it for now.  I continue to try and understand you more than before and care for you very much.  Take care of yourself.