June 24, 1976 (Letter from Grayce)

I'm just sitting here, listening to the rain, trying to rest for a while.  I've had a very busy morning. I've been working almost every day trying to finish everything I've started at work.  Tomorrow, my last day, approacheth, AT LAST, as even a lustfully awaited day will eventually do.  Today was my first day off (and at home) for 2 weeks -- so I had a lot to do, you know, the mundane -- cleaning, baking (which I haven't started yet), laundry (which I'm "doing" now), etc.  My last day at Seton Hill is not coming a minute too soon, because I've really started to rattle my cage for the past few weeks -- I suppose because an end was in sight I was even more impatient with things than usual. Sister seems to be doing her best not to have me regret leaving at all.  She tries to hard to give me really boring assignments to fill my last fays.  I try not to get around to them, because I want to finish up classifying a batch of pamphlets.  I decided that I'd ask for a letter of recommendation (I just felt presumptuous one day) and to my great shock, she said she'd be happy to recommend me. I decided not to send this letter out without seeing it (a good idea, since I've seen some letters she's written for other people!) so I went up to GSLIS to read it.  It was very nice (maybe she was afraid I'd not be able to get a job anywhere else & come back to haunt her?)  I saw Wray there & he began to badger me about "When was I going to get another Masters?"  Well yech! to that.  I told him the only thing I was really interested in right now was maybe an art program (he thought I should try Art History, which I'll admit might be more in tune with getting a job! -- but I don't really want to do it.  I would like very much to see what I can do.  (Not learn.)  I have a problem similar to y \ours -- "nothing is good enough" -- which is why I didn't go to art school in the first place.  I was so afraid I wouldn't be perfect.  My father tried to convince me that I was being foolish, but to no avail.  This doesn't mean philosophy was no good.  It really helped me in so many ways & was just what I needed at the time.  It probably did for me something like art would have done -- only not so much a therapy -- do you see what I'm getting at?  I realize it's being presented as clearly as mud!  Anyway, enough of that.

It looks as though it will be westward ho! for us come August 10th.  I'm fairly excited about it, but I do fear having my roots transplanted.  Maybe if I do it often enough, I'll get over this?  I will miss this house so much.  It really is exactly the way I wanted it now (except for 2 rooms we didn't do -- bedroom & spare room).  I wish you could see it.  I was so sorry everything was such a mess when you came in October.  It wasn't even a clean mess   You must have thought it was terrible! Maybe I can send you a few picture of the finished product.

My mother is very upset that we're going.  When we were home for Tommy's graduation, she made it very clear by crying for about 1/3 of the time we were there.  I've tried to make it exciting for her, too, by telling her how nice it will be for her to come out there & visit us & how'll we'll look forward to her visits, etc, but she doesn't want to play.  I was a nervous wreck by the time we were ready to go home.  The news of the flood that weekend did not help matters any, either.  I think she should really find  something that interests her, because now that she's home alone a lot, she gets very depressed.  She said she was going to look for a job.  I hope she can find one she likes.  It would really be good for her.

When I was at home, I saw my grandmother & she said the blood of that saint is not supposed to liquify until September.  She really believes in it because she's seen it happen.

I think my parents are going to come here before we go out west, so I guess we won't be going to Phila.  Of course, that could always change, because my father has a job that he can't really get away from too easily.  If we do come to Philly, I'd love to see you.  (Brook may not come; I may just fly in by myself -- see Mickey can fly!)  We might as well not make any plans yet, though, since I don't know what is going on.

Diane & Bev are coming for a visit for the weekend of July 18th.  (They are staying over til Monday, too.)  I don't suppose you'd like to come for a reunion then?  I was considering asking Bill Louden if he'd like to come too.  I know it would be a nuisance for you to do all that driving, so I won't press you, ok?  I'm sorry I'm such a pest, but I do like to see you & we may not see each other for at least 3 years after this.  (That sounds so terrible!!!)  (We're going to visit Fallingwater.  Does that tempt you at all?)

Our big decision for the month is whether to have me come along on our house-hunting trip to Idaho. Westinghouse will pay for Brook to go, but it will really be a business trip & he will have to show up at work every day.  (It will probably last a week.)  If I went, I could visit the real estate agents and do all that kind of thing during the day.  Unfortunately, the air fare is almost $300 and we'd have to pay for my meals, etc. also.  I'm not sure if it's worth it.  But maybe it would be. We're not sure whether we want an apt. or a house.  (We may not be able to get either because of the flood!) But we'd like a house, if we can afford one we like.  Housing will be at a premium now that so many were water-damaged, so I suppose we'll just have to wait & see.

We have to start looking for someone to buy this one, now.  I hope we make a profit after all the work we've put into it.  I know we'll never find another house as solidly built as this one is.  I'm definitely taking the stained glass.  I just can't part with it.  It would kill me to come back in a few years & see it broken or anything.  You didn't see the window on the 3rd floor.  It's blue & really pretty.  It's also LARGE -- so I don't know what I'll do with it, but hopefully it can just go over another window wherever we live next.

I just can't even think about packing, etc. yet.  I'm not looking forward to that part of moving at all!

I'm sending  you this carrot cake recipe becausae it uses honey.  (Didn't the other I gave you use sugar?)  I never tired either of them, but I think I'm going to bake this honey one tonight.  It sounds pretty good.

Take care

P.S. If you do read any Lessing, read The Four-Gated City instead of Golden Notebook because it is more explicit about her ideas, I think.  (It's the fifth book of a 5-book series, but it can be read without the others, I guess.

July 31, 1975 (Letter from Grayce)

Pittsburgh Press, November 3, 1948

Back from fantasy-land!  I really feel very relaxed today, but I definitely miss the beach.  Now I'm looking sourly at several heaps of wash that must be done by this evening.  One thing I really hate is unpacking.  I've been know to not unpack for days & just use other things-- until my mother would be ready to kill me.  Maybe it's because I don't like to see things end that were good & then again, maybe it's because I'm extremely lazy -- probably the latter!  Speaking of lazy, I promised myself I'd hem curtains for the dining room, but there they sit, near the wash, reprimanding me with every word I wrote.  Maybe I'd better do some things about at least 1 basket to assuage my conscience and then return?

There -- I fell better already.  Towels are in and everything else is sorted.  Are you still patronizing the laundry for your shirts?  (For shame, if you are.)  Is there a laundry in Deer Lodge?  I'm sure there must be (and if so, Tweety has found it?)

I can't think of a nicer honor than being on your dedication page, although I cannot really claim to have donated any of the spirit you speak of.  I do feel that you are talented & can accomplish your goal but only with lots of discipline, which I'm sure you already recognize.  That seems to be the most difficult part of any talent we are given.  Potential is only a foggy breath on glass.  Oh well--

Speaking of "literary" pursuits -- I was at GSLIS (blasphemy) & saw Grant Lee (do you think his parents must have been Civil War buffs?) & he mentioned the index & then proceeded to not be able to find it!  But he says he thinks it can get published.  God only knows when though.  I didn't mention it -- he did.  So we shall see.  Unhappily, I missed Kate.  I did want to see her. . People there told me that she wasn't well again.  She is still teaching, which is probably not doing her any good, but, then again, I suppose when people are active, being inactive may be more of a harm.

Maybe we can visit her when you come for a visit?  By the ways -- have any plans gelled on that lately.  Oct?  When -- how long, etc.?  I'm only being pushy because I'm anxious!  And also because one of the purposes of my being is to plan!  (And make alternate plans, too, of course.) Brook refuses to listen to any plans whatsoever because he doesn't believe -- but we know what concentration can do, don't we? I suppose that if enough plans go awry anyone can lose faith, huh?  Maybe even me.

Almost time for the shirts to go in.  I'd better bring them down.  Be right back.  Luckily I made tonight's dinner ahead of time and froze it -- uh, modern conveniences.  My grandmother still will not use any of these, though.  She gets up at 5:30 each morning & attends 6:00 mass and comes home by 7:00 after chatting with friends.  It takes her about 2 hrs to prepare their main meal which they have at 1:00 after my grandfather comes in from scouring the junk stores on Passyunk Avenue where he is well-known.  *(He likes gadgets!)  Maybe their life is better, but I doubt that life will ever be that way in America unless we have a catastrophe of some sort that forces it upon us. Maybe I should go to Idaho, just to live a simple life for awhile.  I know I could do it here, but I would not really be forced to.

I don't have a really automated life, I suppose.  I usually walk when I have to go somewhere (within reason, anyway) and I never use convenience foods unless I absolutely have to.

When we were on Brook's uncle's farm, something that really struck me was the number of convenience foods his aunt used.  I thought they would use all fresh things &  bake their own bread, etc.  I suppose this was rather naive of me.  They really hardly have any time to themselves -- let alone time for making bread.  My mother does these things, but she doesn't work, so it's really a luxury to be able to do them, I guess.  Getting up at 4:00 a.m. to milk 30 cows precludes bread-baking -- a new rule?

While we were on vacation I saw a drop spindle in a little shop which will let me do some of my own wool spinning.  It was only $3 and although it's difficult to learn to use, it will be better than paying $200 for a spinning wheel.  Now, all I need is some sheep's wool - I wonder if the neighbors would mind if I kept a black sheep in the back yard?  I doubt that they'd be pleased.

Oh well -- I guess I'll never get to 25 or 30 pages!

May 29, 1975 (Letter from Diane)

Actually, I haven't decided to take up residence at ol' Webster Hall.  But the thought did cross my mind.  I didn't realize how much I miss Pgh until we went back.  Anyway, for the rates Bev and I paid, the least I could do was swipe the stationery.

We had a great time except the trip was too short.  Grayce, Bev and I went to Scaife Gallery (I know I spelled it wrong last letter) which is pretty decent, the Lutheran Center which was having a book/plant sale for the Socialists, the Top of the Triangle which has yummy food particularly dessert, GSLIS which is completely remodeled and, of course, Boots and Saddle.  Unfortunately but true, Dr. Kolish, Mr., Lee, et. al., weren't there.  Maybe next time.

So the weekend after that being Memorial Day weekend, I went home.  What a trip!  Right off, I nearly got stuck at the Ben Franklin bridge (lights wouldn't change after I paid toll), made a wrong turn off the Schuylkill Expressway and, in a burst of sheer stupidity, but my turnpike ticket behind my sun visor from whence it blew out the window when I put the visor down. I had to pay the whole toll from Jersey and send to Harrisburg for a refund.  Then when I got home, I found out that the bride-to-be had scheduled fitting for the bridesmaids (one I am) at the same time we had invited 30 people to her surprise shower.  Panic!  Since I and another bridesmaid wouldn't be home again until the wedding, we had to contact the dressmaker (not easy) and switch times without arousing the suspicions of the bride (impossible).  We might have made it if the other bridesmaids hadn't decided to use the same lie for changing times that I had.  Well, we finally muddled thru both the shower and the fitting.  Then I had the trip back.  Everything was fine until I decided to stop for a pistachio ice cream cone.  No pistachio.  When I got back to the car, water was dripping out. Thank goodness it was only on overflow but it did scare me.  Then it was back at the B.F. Bridge where again I put my money in and again the red light refused to turn green.  This time I went through and consequently set off alarms and buzzers.  Luckily no police chased me -- my only lucky break of the weekend.  This weekend I'm going to my aunt's in Baltimore. Wonder what will happen.

If you have put up with this drivel so far, here's something that you might know about already.;  I read in the Pgh Wkly that Chilton is putting out a book in Oct called Sugar Blues (by Wm Duffy). They're publicizing it by distributing "How sweet it isn't" buttons.  Of course, sugar still isn't so bad as saccharin is for your health.

Speaking of health (mental), mine is going to be gone if I have to go through this historic mania for another year.  Today, I barely made it to the post office two blocks away.  At least, two schools with kids and teachers were touring and taking up all the sidewalk space.  And it's a year until the Bicen.  Going abroad sounds great-- can I come?

But mania didn't completely describe the city yesterday.  Totally berserk night.  2.3 million people went to see the Flyers on parade.  Horn honked, people streaked, and everyone acted like goofballs (which really isn't hard for Philadelphians!)  When I described the chaos to the librarian who lives across the street, she remarked, "I didn't realize that people got so worked up over a tennis game."  Sigh.

I must admit that I was concerned about you, Paul.  Your letters weren't sounding like you.  But the last one was much better.  Of course, spring is the greatest time of the year (hay fever notwithstanding) and from what Margaret has aid, Montana should be beautiful.  Incidentally, I'm impressed by the Deer Lodge envelope.  It seems like the kind of place my dad would like -- hunting and fishing territory.

Well, the maintenance people have fixed the bldg sewer backup (my tub was the first to back up, naturally, but they came to fix it right after I called at nine tonight) so I'm going to get ready to rest my weary, weary bones.  Keep me posted (and let us know when you're coming East -- maybe we can all get together.)

May 28, 1975 (Letter from Bev)

Montana 1975

By now you probably know that Diane and I were in Pittsburgh May 16-18 and stayed at Webster Hall.  We were planing to write you a joint letter while we were there, but never got around to it.  It was good to be in Pittsburgh again and to see Grayce and Brook.  We stopped in GSLIS on Friday afternoon but no one was around, naturally.  The building has undergone so many changes with the biggest improvement being the relocation of the library to the 3rd floor.  I also stopped at WPIC. Ellen is acting head librarian and teaching at GSLIS.  There have also been two additions to the WPIC library staff -- 2 full-time librarians.

I've applied with 2 agencies for a new job.  The VA hospital in Wilmington will have an opening shortly for medical librarian and I would really like to fill it.  New Castle county also has 4 openings for librarians.  Both employers pay more than my present job and the positions would probably be more active.  I get so disgusted with my job somedays because the library is underutilized.

My landlord gave me permission to plant a flower garden between the house and the neighbor's fence.  I put in zinnias, snapdragons, and marigolds.  I also planted a tomato plant and a green sweet pepper plant.  My zinnias are in bud already, but the other plants aren't showing any signs of flowering yet.  I can't wait to get my first tomato off the vine.  I noticed that my neighbor has two tomatoes on one of his plants.  My plant doesn't' even have a flower on it yet.

Now that the warm weather has come to Delaware, I plan on hitting the beaches every weekend.  If it doesn't rain, which the weatherman promises,  I'm planning on going to Dewey Beach on Saturday.  It's only a 2 hour drive so I don't think I'll spend the night.

The softball team that I play for isn't doing too great.  We won 1 and lost 2.  Tonight we play the team which we beat 2 weeks ago.  It's really a lot of fun and good exercise.  My tennis game is improving greatly since I started taking lessons.  In two more weeks I should be able to play a decent game, I hope.

Before I forget, Grayce's birthday was April 27th.

That's all that's new from me.  Keep in touch.

February 7, 1975 (Letter from Grayce)

This is the closest I could get to Sweden.  I just don't like to see such nice pictures go to waste and we get so many of them at the library.  Be prepared!  You just never know what may turn up next....

I think I have reached (although I never thought it possible) a new level of boredom.  I am sick, again!  I don't understand it, at all.  I usually get sick once a year, right before Xmas and I've already done that this year.

Brook was very sick at New Year's and I was rather pleased with myself that I never got what he had -- until now, anyway.  I have exactly the same symptoms and they have appeared in exactly the same sequence.  We figure that this bug must have a month of more incubation time.

On Wednesday, I got up early and went to the bank and all of a sudden when I got home I felt terrible but I was still going to work.  But by 2:30 when I started to get ready, I knew I would never make it up the hill.  So I called in sick and I've been in bed ever since.  On Wednesday night I had a very high fever (102) and had terrible dreams.  I can't remember them but I remember that they were frightening.  Now the fever is gone, but my throat is really raw and I have a cough.

I've read 2 books (long ones) and I'm being subjected to daytime TV (yech!)  Pgh doesn't show old movies in the afternoons the way Philly does.  So I watched "Rolling for Dollars", "Hollywood Squares" and the 12 o'clock news (a little bit of reality, you understand).

Now "Split Second" is on -- it's not so bad because the questions are pretty interesting.  Of course, the commercial are great.  I've just been told how to cope with "The Naked Hamburger". Actually, all of this would not be so bad, if only I felt like doing something.  I just have no energy or strength.

I think on the news last night that it was -11 in Montana.  A warm spell, huh?

9 February 1975 - Well, here I am, again!  I feel much better today.  Yesterday I thought I would go mad.  It was Saturday and the first day I didn't feel like death warmed over and Brook was home to keep me company and things were starting to look up.  (For awhile, anyway!)  Brook and I decided to play Scrabble.  (This is one of the few games I am really competitive about.)  Now, Brook doesn't like "words" in the same way that I don't like "numbers" so it involves considerable sacrifice for him to play Scrabble.  But he's very good at it (he plays "strategically" if you can believe that!) and I really have to think hard to keep up with him.  Anyway, w hen Brook got a 64! point word yesterday!!!I got so excited I tried to jump up and being in a semi-lotus pose I pulled a muscle in my side.  I really saw stars.  I couldn't stand up straight for almost an hour.  Actually,l this wasn't very funny,  but it seemed so hysterical at the time.  I seem to be ok now (knock wood).  I've just never had so many things wrong with me at one time.  I'm such a klutz!  Brook said I have to be the only person on earth to hurt herself playing Scrabble.

10 February - I guess this is another bits and pieces effort.  It's really cold (for here).  I don't know firsthand since I can't go out, but on the news they said that parts of western Pa had -20 weather last night.  It was only -3 in Pgh -- but that's not too common here, either.

I haven't been to GSLIS since before Christmas.  I hope Kate isn't really bad.  I'll call her today. She's awfully hard to reach by phone, though.

You dream sounds pretty scary.  My grandmother says when you have a dream about death it means good luck!  And if you dream about a baby then death is involved.  I don't know. My grandmother definitely is psychic.  This is just one instance.  When I was in a car accident, she was at this resort at the shore she goes to for a month each year.  There is no phone and no one called her because she didn't know and they didn't want her to worry.  The next morning she was at Bryn Mawr hospital to see me!  (Bryn Mawr is near Villanova and at least 15 miles from where my parents live and even if she knew I was in a hospital, she would never know which one. When I told my parents she had come, they were astounded!  When I asked her how she knew, she just smiled her queer little smile and said "I knew">  Whew!  My father said she almost always knew everything when they were little, too.  Remind me sometime to tell you about her silverware set.

I think your philosophy of work is great.  I mean, why should a fight increase someone's sentence when if they had a scuffle on the street someone would just break it up and everyone would go home and no trouble  right?  Don't worry -- who would I tell?

How is Sue?  What's she doing? Wasn't Forsman's contract dropped?  That's the only thing I heard.  I never really cared anyway.  I think Forsman has more problems than someone who is trying to "change things" should have.

Well -- another letter.  By the way, I get home around 11:00 on Wednesday nighits.

P.S.  I finally broke down and bought a loom!  I'm so excited I can hardly see straight!  It's small (20") and it's primitive but it was dirt cheap ($20).  Spendo the magnificent lives!

November 26, 1974

Whittier School hallway, Great Falls, Montana

Photo taken September 1974

Speaking of stationery...class, huh?  Just one glance into this box and its contents will reveal to you the secret workings of the maniacal mind, with all its twisted, circuitous routes.  The cigar box (compliments of Mr. Walker) was the strongest one I could find.  I wouldn't want Tweety's head squashed beyond recognition (although, maybe you don't even recognize his sweet face in the full now?)

Actually, when I first "began" Tweety, I had intended the day of his "completeness" to coincide with the day of your birth -- but human imperfection and laziness being personified in my being, such was not the case.  Please accept my contrite words of apology anyway.  You are now the proud (well, maybe that's putting it a little too strongly?) of one Tweet (not thoroughly approved by his owner, but loved all the more for his little imperfections).  Please note the scarf and how it carries out the "theme".

Last week I had the thrilling experience of returning once again to our old "Alma Mater" (funny, how I don't seem to be able to love her imperfections -- maybe there are only so many imperfections one can take!?)  Actually, I didn't want to go, because my last visit there awoke in my myriad strange feelings -- some good; some not so.  But I had called Kate a few weeks before and inadvertently mentioned that I'd be in to see her some day and unfortunately for me, she demanded me to be explicit -- i.e., I was to make an appointment....so.  Actually, I did like seeing her, but I would rather have seen her elsewhere.  I had intended to stop by quickly (*by going straight up to the seventh floor) and then leaving quietly.  But meeting Dr. Kryzs in the elevator foreshadowed disaster!  He was full of questions -- luckily I wasn't full of answers and I escaped.  Kate told me not to stay at this job longer than 1 year (I wish someone would stop saying that and do something constructive like tell me where to get another job.)  We had a nice chat and she was particularly interested in you.  I told her how happy you are and she was pleased.  Then I got up to leave.  I had left dough at home rising because I thought for use that I'd be home in time to roll it out and bake it and have it ready for dinner at 6:00.  But she asked if I had seen Wray and of course I said not.  So -- down to the 5th floor.  Everything has changed -- the library is now on the 3rd floor -- walls are gone, etc. very strange.

So -- I went down expecting to say hello-goodbye but surprisingly enough I talked to Wray (or rather, he talked to me) for almost 2 hours.  We never had a conversation like that before.  10 minutes at the most.  Actually, when I first saw him I felt extremely awkward, I just don't know why, but I couldn't find any words.  So -- then I got up to go and Mr. Lee called from his office and said "Aren't you going to visit with me?"  And really, I did want to see him.  By the way, he did not mention the index and I did not either because I figured if he had any spectacular news he would say it and he didn't so -- I see the index primarily as you do, although I would not mind seeing it published.  I was happy to do it because I feel that I got to know you lots better than if we hadn't and that's enough for it to have done, you know?

Paulie, I certainly did not expect a wedding present.  It was very sweet of you, but do not worry about getting it here quick.  Also, about letters, I would like very much if you, when one of my letters appeared, could be happy to receive it, and not worry about writing back so much.  Your letters are always welcome -- even the "mundane" ones.  I know how you feel.  I get in moods when I can't write much.  So don't feel you "must."  Even a short letter is better than none.  I don't wish to be a pest.  OK?

Brook feels as you do about Christmas.  I like it because I like to make things and stuff like that.  I like to decorate.  I suppose that is a very pagan attitude, but I look forward to it.  I do not like Christmas shopping or anything like that.  But I do hope you will change your mind and have a little tree?  You can decorate it simply.  I don't want to think of you there at Christmas alone.  I probably am making you sick so I will stop, but please reconsider?  Anyway, it is none of my business (but, of course) when did that ever stop me?

How nice about Ken and Denise.  I really don't think they could expect you to travel all that way, though.  It would be crazy.

Are you ever scared at work -- like when that fight occurred?  I don't know, I guess I'm really weird but I would be.

Did you look like you do now when you were 3?  (I mean minus the 6"2", of course) (actually, not minus all of it--)

Harvey mentioned the possibility of going back to the ministry.  I don't know though; he didn't seem really excited about It and I think if you're going to do something like that, you should be.  Oh, well, maybe he is and didn't show it.

Diane is terribly excited because she got Tweety glasses for you at Arby's (I think).  We are going to see her at Thanksgiving.  She's having dinner at my parents' since she wasn't going home for just one day   I really miss her very much.  We asked Bev, too, but she has the long weekend and is going home.

Speaking of Bev, I wrote out Robert's Christmas card last night.  It was certainly tame compared to some of the others that we've sent.  The idea is that I am now living in Philadelphia and missing Alabama's mild winters very much...poor Robert.  Bev said she saw him when she was home and he did not even stop to talk to her -- maybe he's guessed?  I don't know how, though.  It's really untraceable.  In a way, I feel sad now that I can only send him cards once a year, but actually he's probably very grateful and in a way it's better.

The people who live upstairs from us are from Washington State.  They wanted to come "east" for a few years.  They are quite nice.  (Vicki has a loom and will lend it to me.)  I've always wanted one but they are so expensive to buy.  Brook said he would make me one but if it gets done as quickly as the pottery wheel then I won't be able to use it, being crippled by arthritis.  I should not expect so much.  He's so busy not only with work but with this strange house.  He also is busy listening to me complain unnecessarily.

Only last week we spoke of selling this house and moving into some assembly-line apartment in which no plastering, sanding, painting, ----had to be done.  My passion for Victorian homes is slowly diminishing.  The people upstairs have lived here for 5 years and they are just beginning to be satisfied with all the work they've done.  We don't even know if we will be here that long.  I certainly don't  want to stay here for the rest of my life.  (Paul says, "enough, enough.")

Actually I don't need either a loom or a wheel because I won't have time to do anything like that. It's icing.  The house has to look half decent first, I guess.

I have to go in town today and naturally the weather is not cooperating at all.  It's raining and snowing -- slushy!yech.  But I simply cannot put this off anymore.  I'm so lazy lately (even lazier than before? he says, oh, it is not possible.)  By the time I get to work sometimes I am ready to leave, especially when I work til 10 on Thursday -- get home at 11:15 and have to get up at 6:30 Friday (I can't go to sleep at 11:15 -- especially after coming home from work.  I'm just too fidgety. I do regret it the next morning however.

Lately I'm been on this Graham Greene binge.  (Remember how I read everything Hardy wrote?) Well, I just started my 5th Greene novel and lo and behold -- on the dedication page a quote -- a Hardy quote (hmmmm).  I knew there had to be some connection.  Greene's characters seem fate-directed also, but not bound the way Hardy's are.  They have freedom to re-arrange things as they are set up and fate only presents them to situations.  That's how I feel fate really works, anyway.

It seems like I'm really boring, so...I'll stop for now.  (Paul says "whew!")

P.S.  Corneliusson -- I was reading a pamphlet on first name origins while I was organizing the vertical file at work and they explained in the intro how the origins of 1st and last names differed. You name just happened to be an example.  Just one line explaining how it had been shortened from that to Nelson.

September 10, 1974 (Letter from Grayce)

Your organization ("I keep all the letter I have received in ring-bound notebooks") constantly amazes me!  Never again do I wish to be poked fun at about "urgent".  I have been painting all night and am really tired.  It is not a good way to begin a letter, as a matter of fact, this is really absurd, but I think I'm going to stop now and do this tomorrow when I can give it my full attention (see: how important I consider you?!).  Good night....

11 September 1974 -- Well, this is much better.  From your letter you certainly seem to be adjusting rather well to your new environment   I didn't know that polar bears were quite so versatile!  (Maybe it's that cooler climate bringing out your inherent qualities.

Today was a very nostalgic day.  I had a doctor's appointment in Oakland -- so decided to stop by at GSLIS first to see Mr. Lee (who wasn't in -- as usual).  Dr. Kolish was out also, but I did see Mr. Wray  and all the secretaries and Dr. Immroth was so nice to me.  He really looks fine, ans says he's doing well.  I'm so proud of him.  He's really a nice person, but I worried about this way of life.  You know, he actually looks 10 years younger?

I saw Ray Martin.  He said "hello".  I also saw the new batch of students in the library, lounge, etc.  None, of course, quite as precocious as we.  My doctor is on the 500 block of N. Neville -- so -- (my ever-failing sense of direction leading me) -- I decided it must be 1 block up from where you used to live and over 2 blocks.  Guess again.  I passed old "lacucaracha heaven" on Melwood and from there on it took me 1/2 hour to find the good doctor.  Oh well...

Send me a picture of "typical Montana".  I know I shall never see it in person, except by maybe a weird twist of fate.  Speaking of fate -- how do you feel about it?  I love it, actually sometimes.  I guess that's why I like Hardy.  Sometimes things seem awfully controlled to me, you know?  I mean, there are endless possibilities to a situation and it seems as though the possibility that occurs always fits in with another possibility occurring along the parallel of what's happening.  I kind of wonder if possibilities count at all, or if they're just put there by the Practical Joker (Melville's idea of God is certainly bizarre, but maybe  it's true?) to make us think there are endless possibilities?  I don't know, obviously another thing that's been bothering me lately -- human emotion.   Maybe I've always previously had the good fortune to meet simple, open people -- but I always felt that human emotion was a very transparent thing -- or at least translucent.  But lately (as far back as a few years ago, really) it seems much more opaque.  I mean, I didn't always feel that feelings were bared consistently or without guard exactly, but merely that they were fairly easy to discern.  I felt that I could glean from expressions, glances, gestures what a person felt, or at least a slight approximation of their emotion -- not an empathy because I feel that that is very rare and not even consistent among very close people.  But I dont' feel it so much anymore.  Even in people with whom  I've formerly felt it -- only sometimes.  I feel that there are layers and layers of depths and each has to be peeled.  I'll bet even when you reach the core there's something hidden -- a little seed that is impossible to open.  Oh, listen to me (or rather, don't).  See what happens when you get involved with philosophy majors!  They're a bizarre crew!

Anyway to make a long story short (although I never do), I just know that there are some things (both about ourselves and others) that we just can never know!  It's just beyond our reach.  I just got the full impact of that, maybe I'm just slow.  That must be it...I'm just newsy -- I want to know everything.

I'm going to change the subject completely for some good news -- Bev got a job!!!  Only I don't know where -- I just got a phone message that she called while I was out.  I'll let you know what's what as soon as I know.  I'm glad; she was really miserable these past few weeks.  Diane is still looking but she seems fairly calm -- I have never seen Diane worry past the point of just saying "I'm worried" -- I mean, no nervous mannerisms, etc.  Very stable, wish I could imitate!

By the way, I've just decided that you are not allowed to move anywhere for another two years -- at least   I have 3 addresses for you in my address book and if you move once more you will ruin everything, so STAY STILL!!!  (ok?)  (pick, pick, pick)  Maybe someone will give us an address book for a wedding present -- one that has interchangeable spots for addresses.  I mean it -- my friends are vagabonds.  I myself have had only 6 addresses in my life (and most were summer).  Why can't people follow this good example?  (heh, heh)

Did I tell you that I got no duplicates of anything at my shower?  (which was held regardless of the fact that I explicitly stated that there was to be none!)  The noive!  Anyway -- sorry -- no toaster oven will be arriving for you (I didn't get one either, don't cry, tweety!)  We'll see what happens with wedding presents -- I give you fair warning though -- don't expect any address books -- I need all of those that I can get!

This job is really hectic!  The director is a nice woman, but very disorganized and she has all of us a wreck.  I keep reminding myself that this job is not worth killing myself over-- but my brain can't seem to get the message straight -- I'll probably have 3 ulcers by April (if I last that long!)  I'm in charge of "Reserves" (oh, joy!), also picture file and vertical file (neither of which have I even seen yet -- they being what I'm interested mostly in!)  I had forgotten what it was like to be under a nun's wing.  (Oh only that it could have remained forgotten.)

In high school I gradually lost all respect for Catholicism per se -- in college I found (in Phil and Theo  a reason to respect it again -- to actually like it, even and to hold it dear again.  I have a penguin's chance in hell of keeping this here.  This place is really provincial (I can understand why your friend Barb left.)  I can't wait til Oct 3rd so I can come here only to work.  It seemed like an ivory tower -- now it seems like prison.  Stifling is too good a word.  I can't say what I feel about the job yet because I haven't gotten accustomed to ti or to all the people yet.  It will take at least 2 months, if not longer.  (myeer!)

You know, I really wish I had a job like yours -- it seems interesting, but with so many insights to get.  I suppose it will never happen -- but maybe, meanwhile you'll have to tell me all about it -- ok?  Everything -- even little thoughts you have about it.  Do you mind?  If so, tell me.  You probably think me such a pest.  I'm sorry.

I hope you are well, and not lonely out there.  But you like to be alone, huh?  But not always?  Have you written anymore dreams lately?  What does your place look like (colors, etc).  Is it large?  Polar bears should have room for their coat to breathe.