October 2, 1977 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.  How are you?

Mom wrote me and said that in January you were going to have a roommate.  Sounds like it is a good idea to help you live a bit easier.   Do you plan to move into a bigger apartment or stay at the same location?  I'm wondering if you still think it's a good idea to visit with you in January.  Will this move cause a lot of rearranging, etc. and would I be in the way.  I am looking forward to visiting you.  So if you can put up with me, I certainly am very flexible; especially after adjusting to work over these past two years.

I had two wisdom teeth pulled out last Wednesday.  By the morning of the 30th my mouth was the size of a golf ball.  It wouldn't' have been too bad if I didn't have to work two mid watches.  I have a hard enough time staying awake all night without trying to recover from oral surgery.  Tomorrow I go back to the dentist to get my stitches out.

I've been dreaming quite feverently for the past month.  I try to write my dreams on paper but a lot of time I wait until a later period and then I never remember details.  I have been experiencing a flow of emotions now that my security is slowing tearing away.  I don't want to make any added changes in my life as of yet.  I have been looking at my dreams and what they mean and at incidents with people in my life and I am trying to look at myself in the light.  For the moment I feel that I should stay alert.  I read a very good book recently on reaching people.  I want to reread the book because I feel I need to retain more thoughts from this book.

I have a lot of thoughts going through my head now.  I am trying to stay neutral to any activity these last few weeks.  Once I leave here and travel through Europe I am going to piece together these thoughts.  Maybe I can even envision a path for my life.  But I won't force it.

I bought a Marantz receive amp, 2250B for $300.00  I decided to get music for myself.  I want Dale to make me a pair of speakers.  I might buy myself a turntable over here before I leave but that depends on my finances.

I sold my car for $700.00  It only took me from the time I put the sign on the bulletin board until the time I turned around.  I was real pleased to get a buyer that quick.  He told me the day before yesterday that the loan came through and he had an appointment set up to transfer ownership.

Now all I have to do is finish sewing my sleeping bag.  I am 95% down with this project.  I will be on my three days off starting tonight so I will finish this project before I go back to work on Thursday.  It has turned out to my approval.

I'm reading an interesting book by Kathryn Watterson Urkhart called "Women in Prison".  It is a very good book depicting the lifestyle of women inmates.  Prison reminds me of boot camp.

Not much else to say.

Hope life is pleasant for you.

January 12, 1977 (Letter from Grayce)

Saw this movie at the Pleasant Theater in Northampton on January 6

This person (to use the Buddhist locution) is at this moment in pain.  Actually there is something very comforting about pain in the o/ sense -- it's proof that we are actually ALIVE in a world where it's sometimes none too evident.  I mean th is not purely in the physical sense, of course.

The reason for the pain -- which is, in truth, beginning to subside -- is the extraction of the wisdom teeth (horror of horrors for a philosopher!) on the left side -- the right side will be done on Feb. 12th. (I can hardly wait to feel ALIVE again!)  We went to the dentist before Xmas & he told me in no uncertain terms that those teeth were not to stay in -- there simply was no room there for them. By the way -- by coincidence, our dentist went to dental school in Philly & we had quite a nice chat before he examined me -- an hour long chat, to be exact.  After an hour, I gently reminded him of hte purpose of my visit -- it was pretty funny, I thought.  On Saturday I went in -- a nervous wreck --I've never had a tooth pulled before & had lots of visions of the Medieval methods I'd read about.  (Naturally, I didn't sleep for several days before.)  But one whiff of the ole nitrous oxide & it was never never land for me.  I was conscious during the whole time, but not so one could notice. I think he talked to me, but I only remember smiling a lot.  He said (I remember only this) that I probably wasn't a heavy drinker because he gave me a very low amt of the oxide & I was already in another world.

Actually, part of this has been fun for the following reasons:

1. Milk shakes (but I'm getting hungry for some solid food -- mashed potatoes can get pretty boring after a while.)
2. Being waited on hand & foot (which isn't really necessary, since I can walk -- but far be it from me to deprive Brook of his pleasure in taking care of me (heh, heh).  Aren't I generous?
3. Not being pinched on the cheeks (a favorite habit of Brook's - -but not of me -- I'm afraid!)
4. Loss of 8 pounds (hopefully for good)

Oh well, I'm fairly optimistic for being a "sick person" -- huh?  I think tonight I'll be able to eat something resembling real rood, but I almost feel afraid to -- in case it would hurt.  It reminds me of an argument about the weakness of will we discussed in philosophy once:

--Agathon looks at the Athenian pastries.

--Agathon remembers the indigestion caused him by the Athenian pastries (As in my case, not indigestion, but sore gums!)

--Agathon wants to avoid eating the Athenian pastries (& he tells other people so.)

--Agathon east the Athenian pastries!

Reasons for this paradoxical phenomenon include the enmity between desires, rational preference & moral evaluation (doing what is thought "right").  These wants are different but all present at the same time.  The agent is free to act out which ever want he is conscious of -- the strongest usually being desire which is usually strong enough to prevent the other -- lesser -- wants from arising. Clear as mud?  I'll spare you all the details.  But it's a good argument to remember in times of temptations!!

I miss seeing you too.  It's hard to believe we've only seen each other 2x since GSLIS -- & 2 short & strange times, at that.  (Which feelings I mentioned to you in my letter following your last visit to us.)  It's just that it's almost like seeing you in a dream those 2x -- I don't even think I acted my right part then either, because it had the qualities of displacement which dreams have.  But I do feel very close to you & value our fine relationship very much.  Maybe someday we will see each other on a more regular basis -- who knows what will happen.  I sometimes do, but not in this case.  Maybe it's better not to know too much.  In some things, I don't want to know, like in death. I think about it sometimes.  I know you think I'm just afraid to get old, but really that doesn't enter into it.  I'd like to think I'm not that vain.  Mainly I think about it because on 1 of my grandparents has lived past 49!  This is reality-facing.  I mean, they say that your lifespan is based on inheritance.  My mother's parents both died of cancer -- my grandmother at 44 & my grandfather at 49.  This is not too encouraging & my father's father died at 49 of diabetes.  Am I being too morbid?  I don't feel morbid, but perhaps this is why I like to believe in reincarnation.  It's pleasant to think that death isn't the end.  It also brings up a possible answer to y our question of why we want to know someone intimately & others not at all.  I really feel that people we like immediately & are drawn to are people we've known in another life.  You may have been my father in another life or I your mother, or anything.  It's possibilities re almost endless.  I've recently read an account of a woman who was "regressed" by a hypnotist to find out who she was in a former life (some scoff at this, but not I!).  She remembered her name -- lived during the 18 century NEAR where she was living at this time.  (I think that's interesting.)  So this may explain something about time as well as space!  She looked up this other person's name & it was found that she'd been found guilty of poisoning her husband by some thing she put in his food (a common practice at that time, also). And -- this is really scary! -- her present husband was very suspicious of her cooking & was always asking what as in things she'd made.   Isn't that fantastic?  So he must have been her husband that she'd poisoned.  They tried to hypnotize him but he didn't believe in it & wasn't a good subject.  Maybe she just didn't want to know.  Is this a reasonable assumption?  I wouldn't want to know if Brook had murdered me in another life.  I'd be too afraid of history repeating itself.

I'm currently reading all of Iris Murdoch I can get my hands on.  I never heard of her prior to this but it seems that besides writing novels she's a philosophy don at Oxford.  So her style & subject matter often appeals to me.  I just happened to be drawn to one of her books at the library & ow I cant stop!

As for potatoland, we seem to be very at home here (maybe because of experiences in a former life?)  Neither of us has had to change our lifestyles very much -- except that I have to drive places, which is still foreign to me.  I feel like I'm in a space ship when I'm in that car & controlling it.

Actually, we've always lived fairly simply.  I like to spend my time reading & on my various hobbies which happily sometimes coincide with Brook's & Brook hasn't too much time, but he uses his spare time constructively.  We were never much for going out, except for dinner occasionally & there are so many nice places to go here for dinner (very surprising to us -- we never expected it) & also most re reasonably priced -- which helps!  It's a nice place & I feel so content.  I am going to get a job eventually, but I'm not sure when or at what & I'm in no hurry (especially since I'm scared to death of driving in the ice & snow!)  (We have had about 2 ft. of it in the past week.)  I hope something interesting will kind of drop out of somewhere.  (I know that's unrealistic) [But I still hope!]  Well, I guess that's about all for now!

October 12, 1976

Don't be too upset with Harriet -- it's difficult for most people to love with an open hand.  Maybe she hasn't noticed your bird-like qualities yet -- (which make such non-handling essential).

How are your gums?  My wisdom teeth have been coming in for 2 years now -- they don't trouble me too much, just once in awhile.  I suppose it would be good to have them looked at again soon. The last time the dentist said they were ok.

About your money situation.  I hope you don't have to sell your car -- it would seem like such a waste, don't you think?   To save on your food budget, maybe you could buy beans in bulk at a great savings/  I'm enclosing some recipes I've come across.  On the ones I've tried I've put comments; on the others, no, it can't be good to eat tuna every night -- not because of anything inherently wrong with tuna, but because it's so full of mercury.  I'd think 2-3 times a week would be ok, though, since it's such a good source of protein, iodine, etc.

In case you're wondering what there 2 swatches of material are -- they're samples of the quilt materials I'm going to use.  It wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but the fabric store here doesn't have the greatest selection.  It will be predominantly the dark brown fabric with patches of the contrasting white fabric.  I hope it comes out ok.  If not I'll have wasted a lot of money on 15 yards of material!!

This little project should keep me busy & out of trouble for a few weeks, at lest!  That & watering the grass seed -- a few little sprouts have shown themselves.  At least I don't look like I'm watering mud every 2 hours like I did 2 weeks ago.  We're wondering how much will grow through, because we had several days of very heavy rain & it probably washed a lot of the seed away (drat!!).  Well, time will tell (to coin a phrase!)



Last weekend, 3 of Brook's friends from the Pgh. Westinghouse were here (the same 3 we went rafting with).  They were sent out on business (monkey business) by Westinghouse & were here for a week.  It was really nice to see some familiar faces for a change.  We all went to Jackson Hole, Wyoming for the weekend.  It was beautiful.  It was off-season so it wasn't at all crowded, which was nice.  We had lunch in this "cowboy bar" in Jackson.  I felt strange because I was the only woman in the place, but it wasn't too bad after I got used to it.  Greg escorted me to the "bar" so we could try out the saddle seats. (I was too chicken to go up by myself.   Brook was busy playing "Tank" & "Stunt Cycle" in the game room!)   What class!  I broke down & played a few games with him later on.  I actually beat him once & tied him once.  Those guys couldn't believe it! (Brook was always the champ back there.)  I told them our idea of a big night on the town is to go to the game place at the mall & spend $5 on these games.  (Very seldom, though.)  I mean, I have to play half decently -- just to keep my self respect, you know?  I'm really bad at bi-plane, though -- I guess I'm just not very coordinated!



We looked at all the ski equipment that town had to offer (much) & I think Brook has been bitten -- he wants to buy (not rent).  Actually, I'm not sure I want to ski.  I'll probably kill myself -- or worse!! I told him I'd much rather spend the money on a good camera.  (John had his camera with him [Canon] & all kinds of lenses & I was jealous!!!)   Looking at all the steep slopes scared me; I couldn't see myself going down them at 70 mph.  (I'm afraid to even drive that fast yet!)  The prices for skiing were no less steep than the hills, though.  I'll probably go at lest once, because I'd feel like I missed out on something if I didn't.

I have to water the "grass" -- I'll be back soon.  A few more sprouts today!  Very encouraging!

I have a tale to tell you about one of my last days in Pittsburgh.  I think it would interest you, because it has to do with space & time travel which you have mentioned an interest in.

Anyway, one day before we left, I was to meet Mary Dodson (my partner in crime from Seton Hill -- the cataloger -- remember her?) at GSLIS & later we were going to have lunch.  I was waiting at the bus stop near our house when this guy came along & what first struck was his amazing resemblance to David Bowie, except that he was a blonde, not a redhead.  Anyway, he also had such a presense "presence" about him.  (There are some words which I never have learned to spell!)  Anyway, I was just sitting on the step waiting for the bus & he came along & sat beside me & amazingly enough he said "I feel that you are interested in thought processes."   I must have looked pretty funny because he laughed & he didn't look like a person who laughed very often.  I told him I was, in a way & that I had studied philosophy.  He wanted to know which phil. I believed in most.  I said existentialism & Kierkegaard's version of it seemed like truth to me.  He seemed not to know who K. was (unless he just wanted to see what I knew about him) & asked me to explain a bit about him.  He seemed happy with my "K in a nutshell" story & said did I ever concern myself with Eastern philosophy.  I said I had liked to mediate & had just started a yoga program on my own.  I thought he was going to cry -- he got every emotional about this (if I wasn't so interested in him I would have run away -- I was a little upset by his reactions).  Then the bus came & we got on.  (The idea of meeting someone like this in Wilkinsburg is a little too much to begin with, no?)  He spoke very quietly on the bus about leaving the body -- actually leaving it, not just mentally.  It seems that he felt he had done it.  He asked if I believed him & I said yes, hoping he'd communicate some secret to me.  I asked him where he was from (he really didn't seem like one of "us" -- I'm not kidding).  He said that wasn't "essential"!  He said he'd see me again sometime & I said I was moving far away & he said "so?"  I'll tell you, it was incredible.  The only person I told was Brook & now you.  I wonder if I'll ever see him again.  He also spoke (& this scared me) of becoming a person in another person's body.  What do you think of all this?  Do you think he was just a nut, or really had some valid system worked out.  He may have been a nut, but I believe that "nuts" really have knowledge that "sane" people don't have.  (I really like this point Lessing makes in her works.)

Anyway -- this letter is incoherent.  I'm trying to write & think above a lot of banging noise in the basement.  We're having a water softener installed because the water her is so hard that is you don't have one, the plumbing has to be re-done every year & we can't look forward to that!  I made this guy keep the cold water tap in the kitchen hard though, because I want to drink & cook with the water that's so calcium & magnesium enriched.  I'm sure he thinks I'm really crazy!

Well, write when you can & take care.

July 27, 1973 (Letter from Leslie)

Hi sweetie.  Am sitting here in my room playing the stereo with Coryell's "Foreplay" turning on the upstairs of the house.  Right now I'm feeling good for lots of reasons.  1) This week I heard from you, Carol, and Roberta, 2) I pre-registered on Monday and turned in my loan application and the bank called today to check something with me so they have gotten it back from the school.  3) Pat and Linda are coming in tonight and we are all going to New York tomorrow to visit with John and Roberta.  I think this will be the only weekend I will be away, no other plans right now -- I eagerly await your visit.  More on that later.  4) My right bottom wisdom tooth became infected and has been hurting for the last week quite nicely.  Thurs I went to my grandmother's dentist and he said it has to come out but first the infection must be taken care of.  So I've been walking around with an herb poultice called Poloris in between my cheek and gum.  Last night I didn't sleep well despite smoking as a celebration to finishing my bed (next point) but after dinner the infection came to a head and I was able to get pus out of it so it is on the mend -- no more pain!!!  Yeah!  5) I've been working on a bed frame -- I built it all by myself with screws and bolts -- no nails.  I'm really proud of it.  Last night I painted it after putting the last touches on it (more supports at the bottom) and decided to smoke to celebrate.  Had a nice time re-reading your letter and looking at the Farmer's Almanac, boy what a riot!!  You have to look at it -- the advertising is great and all kinds of bits of information on all sorts of things.  6) Having my stereo again after having it out of the room for three days while I was working and moving things around.  7) My parents bought a Ford Torino Sport and we will pick it up Monday evening.  New cars are always fun.  It is a metallic beige with a darker vinyl roof and tan interior, black wall tires with white raised lettering and to top it off a reflectorized "laser stripe" running from one end to the other on both sides.

Close enough.


Monday 30:July -- Greetings!  As I was writing that last sentence, Pat and Linda arrived and although I had good intentions (the letter traveled with me) I did not get a chance to finish it until now.  I got your postcard -- so your car must be doing okay.  Very good and happy for you.

Had a fine time -- played Coryell and Get Off in Chicago for Pat and Linda -- they liked both. Talked and they went to bed.  They got up around 9 and ate breakfast and then I took them for a short ride around the area. We didn't leave for New York until 12:30 pm.  Made a stop in Peekskill to see their friend Settie, but she wasn't home.  So onto Youkers to John's.  We had to try out Pat's bong and the hash I brought and then it was dinnertime so we bought pizza and wedges. Proceeded from that point on to Manhattan to pick up Roberta and look off her terrace -- she lives on the 27th floor, what a trip!  Went to a coffee house to listen to John's friend -- was okay, sang lots of songs from Jacques Brel and back to Yonkers (Roberta came back with us).   Sunday was gorgeous so we went to the Palisades -- it was a hike to go where John's favorite spots were, but it was easy and very enjoyable.  I went out near the edge and then sat down or crawled on my stomach to look over the edge 500 ft. straight down.  It was beautiful, impressive, peaceful, and quiet.  A fine place to come just to sit and think, read, or maybe write a letter or in a journal.  I took pictures but don't know if they will catch the emotions.  Maybe you will be able to see it -- I would enjoy experiencing it with you.  Went back to Yonkers for dinner, took Roberta back home and then Pat, Linda, and I packed up and left.  Stopped in Peekskill and this time Settie was home.  We didn't 'get to my house until about 2am.  Pat and Linda didn't stay -- just had a cup of coffee and left.

I think I am going to Buffalo this coming weekend with my friend Marc -- he called after Pat and Linda had arrived.  He is going to U.B. Law School and wants to look for an apartment.  Aside from that again I say I should be home, so whenever you come it is okay with me.  I'm glad you have company going to Kenny's wedding -- I would have been glad to go with you -- I hop you enjoy the city.

Did I ever mention to you that the last song on the first side of "Offering" sounds much like Mahavishnu Orchestra?  At that time McLaughlin and Coryell were very close -- had the same guru -- they and their wives spent a lot of time together.  There is an article on Coryell in an old issue of Downbeat.  I have almost all of the issues from the time my subscription started so feel free to poke through them all.

I think I will end this for now.  Take care of yourself.  (Smile!)

August 25, 1970 (Letter from Kenny)

This letter will be in duplicate with one sent to Warren and one sent to Minnesota just in case I miss you at one.

I am doing all right and have been having (?) a pretty good time.  I saw the Guess Who last Friday.  The concert started 3 hours late but they were pretty good.  The new Moody Blues album still isn't in the stores here but I've heard parts of it on the radio and it's really good.  The new "Band" albums is good and I'll probably get it within the next week or so, that has been in the stores for awhile now.  Led Zeppelin came out with a new album but I haven't heard anything about it yet.

I'm probably going to go up to school Sept 8 or 9 with Chris.  I'm getting tickets to see the Bway show "Company" on Thursday Sept 3.  But the big news is that this Friday on my last day of work when I should be happy and bubbling I won't be.  I have to have 4 wisdom teeth extracted that afternoon (I'm leaving work early) by an oral surgeon with intravenous to put me to sleep and everything.  I know a lot of people how have had it done recently and the pain has been long and hard.  I expect to be OK I hope by Wednesday.  Which leaves us a problem about you calling me.  Try to make it Aug 31 or Sept 1 to make sure hopefully that I'll be able to talk by then, seriously.  I haven't heard from Tony in awhile so I don't know if he found an apartment.  I seriously doubt it, even doubting whether he looked.  I know two people so far who have recently gone up there and found apts with people looking for roommates.  You are welcome to stay with me as long as you like but, although he hasn't said anything, if it becomes awhile Christ will probably get all pissed off.  You really should contact Tony and find out what the story is. If you do go to Buffalo rather than NYC you can still come here Thanksgiving so don't worry, New York will still be waiting for you.  I hope you find something to live in you Polak.  Try to call if you can either from Buffalo or Warren.  Take it easy and write.

P.S.  Tomorrow is Women's Lib Day so I'm not going to wear a bra!  (ha!ha!)  Some women in the park are supposed to burn theirs.