November 5, 1977

I'm not unpacked yet, but I've almost given up caring.  I don't' want to move again (at least not with this much stuff) for a long time!!!  Of course, that's what I said last y ear, but in August I said to Brook -- "OK, where are we going now?"

Both of our parents are delighted, of course.  I kept imagining I'd see mine on the doorstep when we got here, heh, heh.  Actually, I really want to see them, but I'm not sure when they'll be up. Thanksgiving may not be a good idea, because then Brook's parents may feel hurt if they can't be here, too, but I think having them both would be too much.  We did that 2 years ago & it was a nice holiday but I wouldn't want to make a tradition of it.

I did have some bad news this week from home.  My "grandfather" died of a heart attack.  I really loved him.  He wasn't my real grandfather -- my grandmother married him 25 years ago, though & he always was awfully good to me & a lot of fun to be with.  I'll miss knowing he's there.  He was 90, though & he lived a very happy life, so I guess I'm not really "mourning".  I just feel sorry for my grandmother.  It must be awfully lone for he.  Oh well.  I'll get off this subject now...and get to a more pleasant one.

When would you like to visit?  I'm anxious to see you & hope we'll see you often!  Of course, I realize it's a long drive & I don't expect you to give up all your time -- just as much as you can. You know what a demanding wretch I am!

We haven't sold our house yet -- although we have a family interested, but there's a big different between interest and a check in the desired amount.  So we're still paying the mortgage there & the rent here, which isn't too great, but I guess I can give up a few luxuries!  I applied at Rochester Public Library but no jobs right now, naturally.  I also applied at Xerox, but don't really expect much.  I asked at Waldenbooks, but they don't anyone.  I hate looking for jobs!  I really despite "selling" myself to the interviewer.  I just get so lazy, too, when I don't get the first few jobs I apply for.  I know that's a very spoiled brat-type of an attitude but I certainly do feel that way.  I guess maybe I will be a waitress. There's a Lum's down the road -- I can always go there as a last resort, huh.  Also it's good exercise to waitress.  I have a sinking feeling that I will never be a librarian again, and also I'm not sure I ever even want to be one again!  The more I think about it, the more I wonder why I ever went to Pitt?  I must have had some motive -- probably because I was too unsure of myself to get a PhD in philosophy and teach it.  Of course, I chose the "practical" way out & now I can't get a job doing that, either .  Well, I won't torture you with anymore of these reflections.  I just feel like such a failure!

Well, this isn't going to be a very long letter, is it?  Please do write & let me know when you'd like to visit.  We actually have a guest room here -- no more couches for you, Tweety!

September 25, 1977 (Letter from Grayce)

The past few weeks have been quite phenomenal, in terms of travel, seeing new things & old friends, and rushing around trying to get things done.  Maybe I can explain better.  I'd rather tell you about our trip to California in person -- and that not a far-fetched idea.  We've moving to Rochester (we're not sure exactly when, but probably by the end of October).  You can look at it either as a nice birthday gift or as a terrible Halloween prank!  (Probably the latter, huh?)

Anyhow, Brook went out for an interview just before our trip & they offered him a job as a quality control engr. (which is what he did before).  We thought it would be a good area to explore (& hopefully we'll stay for awhile.)  Last week, after coming back from Calif, we had a few days to get ready for our house-hunting trip to Rochester. We got back yesterday.  We saw a few home we liked but nothing that we really liked -- enough to pay what they cost, anyway!!!  And none seemed quite so charming as the place we have now!  So, because of our limited time (& resources) we began looking for roomy townhouses & apts (which were expensive, too, but didn't demand a large down payment such as houses do).  We found one we liked in Fairport, N.Y., 15 minutes outside of Rochester.  We tried to find one right in the city, but the cheapest one we liked was $425/mo. & wasn't nearly as roomy as ours (although ours isn't a hell of a lot cheaper.)   The main reason for our worry about money is we will have to pay the mortgage on this house ($350/mo.) until we sell it -- and the real estate market here is flooded with places on sale!  (Just our luck.)  Oh well -- so I'll be using lots of bean recipes for awhile.

Brook & I haven't eaten red meat for quite some time, anyway, so at least we're used to it.  We mostly eat chicken, fish, and some meatless casseroles.  I still haven't gotten Brook to eat eggplant!! But I haven't given up yet!


I am really dis-oriented lately -- just the thought of the things that need to be done & (thrown out) before we move makes me think of other things to do which aren't' so boring -- which means I haven't gotten much of consequence DONE.  I really have to start pushing myself to send change of address cards & a bunch of other lovely stuff!!

I'm not much of a letter-writer, either, lately, so please forgive -- especially this one.  I'm not looking forward to writing to every single person & saying the same thing about moving, changing jobs, etc. Oh well....

One new address will be (probably by Oct 31st)

Harts Woods Manor
1 High Gate Trali
#2
Fairport, N.Y. 14450

That's about all for now.

July 24, 1977 (Letter from Grayce)

The sun is relentless -- this paper is helping a bit -- to remind me that there are such things as trees, shade & bodies of water.

I forgot if  I mentioned to you that Brook's parents flew out here for a week to visit.  Of course, I was a nervous wreck for a whole week before -- and as a result I broke out in a rash.  On my hands -- fortunately.  It wasn't one you could notice.  It just itched!  I seem to insist on punishing myself.  I really think sometimes that I would have been a good cloistered nun!  (Except that I'd never be able to keep still & silent as long as they do!)  Anyway, all the worrying was for nothing, because it was a pleasant week.  I cooked "American" -- so there wasn't any problem with anyone not liking anything & Brook's mom made one of her scrumptious apple pies & I made a Boston creme pie, so we had plenty of sweets around (for which I feel guilty now, but .....)  I think they had a good time, but I don't think they liked the area much.  Brook's father thinks there's nothing better than Pgh. (just like me abt. Philly!!!), but after a year here, I've come to appreciate this place very much. I love seeing nothing but mountains & clouds & sky.  I think living in a city after this will fell awfully claustrophobic!

We did get to show them a reactor out in the desert.  (Not the one where Brook is, cause you can't get in there) but it was interesting to me because I learned a lot.  Our tour guide was a man  who does research in nuclear physics (and gives these tours for 1 month each summer) & he really had a lot of information & insight to share with us.  We were going to take them to Yellowstone, too, but it was so hot, none of us felt like riding 8 hours (4 each way) and then going down to Salt Lake the next day, which we did do.  We stayed there 2 days -- 3 nights, and got to see some things we didn't see the last visit.

Your idea for Spread Eagle sounds great & thank you for thinking of us.  We certainly will think about it.  Actually, we don't realty know where we'll be next year at this time, or maybe earlier. There's always the chance of a transfer for Brook -- or even of a new job offer.  Th is field is very open right now.  Brook has been approached by Rochester Gas & Elec. Co & they've asked him to come out for an interview, but he's not sure if he wants to or not.  It may not be [scrawl] (I do speak English) the type of job he wants to get into right now.  If he does take this job, though, we may get to see each other more often!  Everything feels very up in the air to me right now and I'm not sure I'm going to look forward to moving again after just 1 year.  I feel like a gypsy sometimes and I did want to be here for at least another year, to get to see some more of the area although we've done a lot on the little time off that Brook has.

Your American History project sounds like it's really interesting.  You must be so full of information.  Do you feel that the books, on the whole, present a truthful or distorted picture?  I mean -- even in this time, when so much is being supposedly "exposed" -- I don't believe the ordinary person, or even the historian gets anything like the whole truth.  So I'm just wondering about the earlier times & whether they've hidden much, which I'm sure they have.  But, I guess, my real question is, can you discern little gaps of information where you are puzzled by things that are left out?

I've heard a few things about the Revolutionary era, which puzzled me -- although I suppose if I did some extensive reading, most of them could be cleared up.  One of them has to do with a supposed murder at Jumonville (sp) which Washington was thought to have committed.  Have you reach much concerning this?  If so, maybe you could give me a concise explanation, lazy wretch that I am!!!  If you ever need Prevention info, don't hesitate to ask, and if I've covered your subject, I'll be glad to send any information along.  I was considering just buying Prevention Press' Encyclopedia of Natural Medicine, but maybe I'll do that later.  I have less & less faith in doctors lately, not that I ever thought they were great, but I just feel that they do so much unnecessary surgery, and so many don't even want to hear about any drugless therapy.  Even pharmacists aren't open to natural healing -- which is understandable, I suppose, since it could put a few of them right out of business!!

I really like Am Heritage.  I've read quite a few of those -- mostly while I was at Seton Hill.

Well, this month I'm going to look forward to getting ready to exhibit my work in the Eastern Idaho Fesstival in Blackfoot.  So far I have a weaving and a watercolor, which both need some preparation before they're entered.  Also, I've completed my first lino cut, but haven't made any prints from it yet.  It's going to be called "Harmony", I think.  It's a picture of the moon & the sun, opposites, which reconcile themselves in the life force, which is depicted by a tree.  I'm awfully pleased with the cut itself -- especially since it's my first one.  I hope you can see it.  My next one is going to be a town scene, I think, but I haven't sketched it yet.  It's still in the vague stage & probably will be for awhile yet.  I don't like to "solidify" an  idea too soon, because once it's definite I find it difficult to picture changes in my mind anymore.  Unfortunately, I may not be here for the Festival itself.  (I'd like to be, to see how my things are received) but we may be going to California for 2 weeks beginning Sept. 1st.  (Not that I'm not anxious to do that, too.)  It just would have been nice to do both.  As it stands right now, Linda, my boss, may be able to take my stuff up to Blackfoot for me, so I guess I shouldn't complain!!

I hope we can see enough in 2 weeks to satisfy me.  So far, we're going to Reno first, then S.F. & some wineries, & a day at least to visit my friend Olga in Los Gatos & then down to L.A. & of course to Disneyland (Brook's main reason for wanting to do is to have my picture taken beside Mickey, I think!!)  On the way home, we'd like to stop at Yosemite Nat'l Park, if we have time. Sounds like a hectic 2 weeks to me, but that's all the vacation Brook gets, so...  Can you think of anything we really should see?  I think we're going to drive down the coast on the way to L.A.  I can't wait to see an ocean again!  (& to get in!)

Well, that's about all for now.

P.S.  I don't think I mentioned that my mom is working in my father's office now.  I think it's greate & it seems to be working out really well.  I think they're even closer now than ever & also it's given my mother some much-needed confidence in her own abilities.

July 10, 1977 (Letter from Grayce)

I'm having a great time tonight.  Just got a package of new records from Brook's dad -- so I'm going thru them to see which ones meet with my "approval".  Right now I'm hearing the new  Brian Auger (Happiness Heartaches) & actually, while its better than most of the junk that's out right now -- I'm slightly disappointed.  It just doesn't have the magic of some of the others, at least, not for me. Next comes Michael Franks, one of my all-time favorites -- (are you familiar with him?)  His lyrics are what interest me most, I guess, although I like the music, too.  I'm saving that one for the "wee hours'.

Brook has been at the site much of this week.  He has a big test tomorrow.  What a grinder they put these people through -- 1/2 of his class has quit already -- and the other half aren't too pleased with things, either.  Hopefully, after August, when he qualifies, he'll be spared these long hours.  I feel so sorry for him.  He has no time to do any of his little putterings.  I'm sure I've harped on this before, though, so I'll fermez ma bouche!

I've started a project this week which I've had in mind for some time.  I've been getting Prevention since early 1973 and the issues were really building up.  Also I never did bother to get the index, so I've decided that I'm going to make my own reference source oft of them.  I bought 2 blank bound record books (lined) and am using 1 for A-L and the other for M-Z (obviously).  Then I'm abstracting each article & other facts I consider important about indiv. subjects (vitamins & which part of body they benefit most, herb remedies, etc.) and entering them in the ledgers.  Then, I'm getting rid of the magazines themselves.  I know someone who'd like them, so I won't have a guilty conscience about it.  And when I need some kind of information on vitamin K, then I'll just use my handy (& compact) ledger of facts!  (Of course, it's not a perfect system -- but then, it keeps me out of trouble, right?)  For most of the time, anyway... (I'm on 1976 now.)

This week, 2 of Brook's friends from the Pgh Westinghouse came out here -- not for a visit, but to stay.  They're living up in Idaho Falls.  These are the same two who got us into that rafting trip last spring.  And this afternoon, Greg called me & tired to entice me to go with them tomorrow on the Snake River trip -- (although I'm sure he knew I wouldn't react favorably to this!)  Luckily, I had a splendid excuse not to go -- work!  Also, I know Brook doesn't want to again, so that settled that anyway.  It will be nice having some buddies out here.  The only thing is -- Greg is really crazy. He says he'll get us all to go hang gliding in a few months, but I'll have to be in another dimension before I ever do that!  I'm afraid to go on a ferris wheel!  Of course, this would probably be the perfect past-time for such a [drawing of little bird] as yourself?!

Don't worry -- if you do get a come out here next year, I'll be sure to have the guest room all ready. We do actually have a guest room here -- with a bed, even.  Or would you rather have a perch?) And -- a window that opens -- (not like our other place) -- haven't we progressed?

Speaking of guests -- Brook's parents are coming on Saturday (July 16th) for a visit.  I intend to spend at least the next 5 days cleaning.  (Maybe nights, too!)  It will be nice having company.  We haven't planned exactly what to do  yet, but we will go down to Salt Lake for 2 days (yeah, seafood!) and , of course, we'll show them all around beautiful Pocatello.  I'll probably have to work at least 2 days that week, so that will limit us a bit.

I do wish I could talk to you sometime - but not just talk, I mean -- see & talk.  It would be nice. But then, I probably wouldn't have anything comforting to say, anyway.

I know you are restless where you are, but maybe it will be good for you in some immense way that is not visible yet?  I thought my 2-year stint at Seton Hill had only a negative side, but of course, now that I can put it into perspective, I can see some good.  (Not a hell of a lot, but some!) And your situation, as you know, is not nearly as negative as Seton Hell was -- this must make you see !  (Nothing could be worse than Seton Hell!)   I know that when your debts are paid, Paul the Phoenix will emerge and that freedom alone will make all the difference.

I had a wonderful dream the other night.  I feel like I was under a spell, so I don't really want to analyze it or anything, but a general outline, maybe.

A unicorn was the main character and he was my friend and he told me all these things.  They were puzzles -- and of course I can't remember what was so great about them.  But I remember that I was completely immersed in them and they were freedom-giving, or some such thing.  I just remember the images of this animal and his face was kind.  I just woke up with a good feeling about everything.  It was a very idealistic dream, but I suppose idealism is more comforting than realism anyway?  (That does not sound like an existentialist, does it?  Maybe I'm not one, after all?)

May 11, 1977 (Letter from Grayce)

Keith's Beautiful Homes magazine

One of my favorite discovers at Johnson's Secondhand bookstore in downtown Springfield, Mass., in 1977

I've been putting off getting my eyes checked for 4 years, now, so I finally went to a Dr. Clothier here. (He's related to the Clothier's of Strawbridge & Clothier & was originally from Philly.  He's about 60 now & has lived in Poky most of his life -- small world?)  Anyway, I did get some good news.  My eyesight has improved!  (It must bee all the carrots I eat  What's up, doc?)  So my new lenses are now only 1/2 the strength of my former ones -- which is encouraging.  My right eye is almost 20/20, also.  He said in cases of eyestrain which is what I had that caused me to need glasses in the first place -- this sometimes happen.

Today I ordered a really nice set of woodcutter's tools -- for etchings, etc.  Linda, my boss, is going to teach me some things about technique & then I'm going to experiment with some printmaking of my own.  Who knows, I may find my niche (no pun intended.  It's a very precise & exacting art, so I hope I have the patience for it.  Here's where yoga may help me some.

You know, sometimes I thoroughly regret not going to art school -- except that I feel that philosophy was also very good for me.  But, I felt so terrified of being "not good enough" in art -- because there are lots of mediocre people in it now, I think & I couldn't take a positive rejection in that area.  Do you know what I mean?  I sometimes think you may feel that way about your writing, huh?  I'm  sure you talented, but it's awfully hard to push & sell yourself?  It is for me. Linda really thinks I should take some of my things to shops around town & try to sell them -- but I don't feel ready -- Although I'm certainly not getting any younger.  She is constantly pushing herself to sell.  She's mostly involved in graphic arts, so gets jobs from area businesses.  But I just can't seem to ask people if they'd like to buy such & such, etc.  I usually wind up giving things to people when they say they like them.  Oh well...

I'm just sitting here with a glass of good beer & I'm also defrosting the refrigerator & also doing some laundry.  I know that any minutes things are going to catch up with me, by which I mean, the ice will start falling all over the floor, just as the dryer with the shirts in it gets finished & I should be there so they don't get wrinkled!  But til then, I suppose I'll just sit her & blabber on in my merry way!

About the macaroni.  I think there's really no comparison between homemade & store boughten -- just like most other things, I guess.  But it is a lot of work to make your own.  I usually do, but I don't do it too often for lack of time (& also inclination, to be honest).  Every once in awhile, brook will reminisce about Philly & my mother's cooking & I'll know it's a hint to please make some manicotti, or some such thing.  Anyway, in South Philly, my neighborhood had a neat little place to go.  This elderly woman made ravioli, cavatelli, canneloni, manicotti, gnocchi, etc. all day long & sold them fresh to the lazy people & they were very good.  It was nice while it lasted.  For ravioli, you really should get a ravioli cutter, whereas with manicotti, you don't need anything special.  The next time I see you, if you want to , I could show you some stuff.  It's not too hard, just time consuming.

I made a cheesecake yesterday & I thought of you & (you had asked for one last time I saw you), I guess I wanted to send you some, so....[drawing of a slice}.  It's the best I can do right now.  (heh, heh)

It looks as though Diane will be coming to see us pretty soon -- sans Paul & Bev.  Oh well.   Maybe next year?  Brook's parents are going to fly out for a week starting July 16th.  I'm looking forward to all this company, but I hope they're not bored.  This isn't that exciting of a place.  I did warn them at least.

On May 20-24, we're going to Salt Lake City for a little rest & relaxation!  Brook has really been working hard -- usually he's away 12-16 hrs/day & sometimes he has to stay overnight.  Last week, because of my working so much we didn't even see each other for 3 days!  We haven't had a fight for months!  I keep telling him we'll have to make an appointment & really have a good fight!! (Actually, I'm only kidding -- I'm not that feisty!)

Well, I guess this is the end.

P.S.  I don't expect you to remember my birthday.  I'm debating with myself whether or not to just make Apr. 27 another day to sort of "de-classify" it in my mind, you know?

March 29, 1977 (Letter from Grayce)

We just had a great 4 days.  Brook starts shift work tomorrow, so gets these 4 days before. Unfortunately, we didn't get anything done that we had planned -- like taxes (yech!) and fixing the VW, although he might do that tonight (I hope) since it's snowing now & I need to drive the car to work tomorrow & I don't' think the Fiat would be as good in snow as the UV.  Oh well...

Did I tell you how Brook's hours will be?  He'll work 7 days straight (leaves at 10 P.M. & be home at 10 A.M. next day) & then he'll have 2 days off.  Then he'll work 7 more days (leave a 2 P.M. & home at 2 A.M.) & get 1 day off & then he'll work 7 more days (leave at 6AM, home at 6 P.M.) & then get 4 days off -- which we'd like to use for trips to nearby places, but some of which we'll probably use for poor Brook to catch up on his sleep.  The "school" part of the program is over & Brook did really well & now he has a few tests every once in a while, but mostly he'll be in the plant itself, in practical situations.  We cannot take any of his vacation off until this part of the program is over in August, but then we'd like to take the full 2 weeks & drive to California.  You'll have to tell us some good things to see & do -- ok?  We'll be going to Reno 1st to see Kathy for a day or two. She's definitely coming with her friend Bob for Easter.  It will be so good to see them -- unfortunately, Brook will be on the 2-2 shift -- so we won't see him too much.  (He doesn't get any holidays off, but he does get a raise, so he guesses it's worth it!)  Right now I'm trying to decide where I can take them around here -- so they won't be bored stiff.



Have you been watching Scenes from a Marriage on PBS?  It's on Wed nights here.  I'm sure a polar bear like you wouldn't want to miss it.  I really like Bergman & Liv Ullmann is one of my favorites.  I didn't get to see Face to Face -- a big regret.  Maybe they'll get it out here yet -- but I'm not holding my breath.  The film they get here are never the good ones!  I was excited about The Front because it was so much better than anything else here.  They seem to really go in for the Whitewater Sam type films.  Brook & I have these free coupons for the drive-in here, but all the films are really strange.  The other night we decided to go, just for the hell of it.  The features were Lipstick (yuck) and Hustle (double yuck).  We had a good time though -- making fun of the acting & the plots.  I made a gigantic bag of popcorn & we took a six pack of Coors & we giggled for 3 hours.  Oh well -- that's life in the little town!



Tomorrow is my boss' birthday.  She just recently got a divorce & she seems awfully lonely so I'm having her over for dinner.  I really like her a lot.  It's so nice having someone normal to work for after my last experience.   Linda is not nit-picky, or spiteful, or a shrew, or any of the lovely things Sister Mary Ronald was.

I think you made the right decision about not moving to N.Y.  I can't imagine living there -- although I'm sure it would be very exciting.  But I'm not sure I'd like the excitement of wondering what would happen to me next.  One of my closest friends lives in N.Y. alone & I do worry about her -- as she lives in Soho & there are lots of strange things happening there all the time.  But she loves it, so...

We seem to have this in common.  I always worry about wasting time -- although I know I do waste it.  But usually I have to be "doing" & I like to have something that I've produced to show for the time I've spent.  Right now, I've been doing wall hangings, but feel like I'm in a rut.  My sewing machine conked out & I'm waiting for the needed part to come in.  The salesman was very eager for me to trad in my economy model for the Diana (electronic) machine -- $600.  Or the Athena (also electronic) -- $1200.  I did try them out & they are great, but the question is do I need something that fancy?  They both do fancy stitches (although the Athena does about 2x as many), but when I make something, I usually like to embroider it myself & make up my own design.  So I guess I'll pass.  Besides, I really can't see spending that much.  Maybe in a few years, when my present machine is a little older.



You know, I hardly ever watched TV very much before I came out here, but I've watched it more now than before.  Sometimes I just put it on to hear people talking!  But I've noticed something which I think is very harmful.  People on TV -- even "middle-class types" have so much more than real people.  Women who are just secretaries wear fabulous clothes & never repeat their clothes from week to week & they live in these great apartments & drive expensive cars.  It must make people who are really poor sick!  I'm sure everyone else noticed this a long time ago, but I've just discovered it, and I think it's awful!  Especially since so many people don't seem to realize the TV is a big illusion -- & a crazy one, at that!  It must be terribly frustrating if you believe that real people live that way who have the same job you have, or your husband has, etc.

Oh well...take care.

February 3, 1977

I like your stationery (heh, heh, a little joke -- it's the best I can do at 6:30 A.M.).  I just drove Brook to his bus stop.  Today is my day for grocery shopping & bank, etc.  (Did I tell you that we found a bank that actually gives interest on CHECKING ACCTS!!?!!)  6% --  monthly -- according to the lowest amount left there for the month -- a real bargain considering most of the banks around here change $3/no. service.

I didn't sleep at all last night.  I  must be nervous about something-- only my subconscious knows for sure & it's not helping my conscious out at all!  I re-read Walden Two (last night) since there wasn't much else to do.  Actually, the first time I read it, I only skimmed it.  Last night I found out why -- it stinks!  It must have been written with 10 year olds in mind -- kind of on a par with Nancy Drew (or what I imagine Nancy Drew to be like, since I never read any of that!)

I'm starting to get tired now.  Am I just perverse or what?  But I'm going to stay up 'cause if I sleep now, I'll be on an entirely different schedule from the rest of the world!  I realize that this letter isn't amusing (a slight exaggeration).  Have they all been bad?  I don't know why, but maybe it has something to do with not much happening to me right now.  When (notice the positive) I get a job, things will liven up!  Please don't hold these doldrums against me?

By the way -- did you ever receive the Xmas ornament I sent?  I sent some to Brook's sister in Florida & they never arrived.  The post office here is a joke, or maybe the post office in Florida is -- or maybe both?

I will answer some questions.

1.  Albums.  We spent $45 on them before leaving Pgh.  (I had to settle for Best of Mountain since Climbing is o.p.)  Since then we haven't bought any new one.  We do get quite a few from Brook's father every so often.  He works for Warner Bros.  He picks out a few of the new releases that he thinks we might like.  Sometimes he sends jazz & I like some of the ones he sends, but I've got to be in a certain kind of mood for it, you know?

2.  People here seemed to favor the execution -- at least, the ones I spoke to.  It really was a farce! Gary G. tee-shirts!!  I imagine the families of the victims were quite pleased to see people wearing those.  People don't seem to realize that it is not possible to legislate morality -- or even other social actions that don't attach themselves to ethics at all.  I think capital punishment does more harm than good.  If I were going to murder someone in cold blood, I'd be much more afraid of a life sentence in some hellish prison (Are there any heavenly ones?  Ha!) whereas, if I were publicity oriented an execution would sound just perfect.  I mean, if someone is insane enough to kill for the hell of it & allow his victims no dignity, then why should they mind execution -- no matter how gory?  And the idea of showing electrocutions on TV!  I'm sure the ratings will be high.  There are certainly a large no. of crazy "sane" people!  Oh well...I don't really want to make a value judgement!

3.  Gas shortages.  BALONEY!  Gas companies want money to develop more gas supplies.  Gov't doesn't act immediately.  People pay the price.  The usual!  (Recall the gasoline "shortages of 1973-74.  it's all a matter of $ & timing, but mostly $$$$!

4.  I think elec. can openers should be outlawed & all the other gadgets.  We got 2 for wedding presents & they're still unopened.   I hate machines, except where necessary.  Maybe I'm too primitive, but I like opening cans manually & I'd rather walk than drive (reasonable distances!), etc. But most people think that's C-R-A-Z-Y!  I was born at the wrong time...or maybe I'm still living my past life?

We've had a few days with no snow, although it's been cold.  (My quilt is coming in very handy!) The ski resorts here are suffering.  Also, they say we'll not have enough water for farming next summer.  Brook says it's always -30 out at the sites (& that's during the day!)  It's usually not that bad here.  Today it's -0 but I'm not sure how much.  It's very windy here, too.  Just walking out the door, I fell like the cold goes through my bones!

So -- what have you been doing to amuse yourself?  I suppose you've noticed that your favorite month is upon us?

This week was really exciting for me.  Brook has oral exams in 2 weeks -- so he's studying a lot. On Monday & Tuesday, I re-lined all the shelves, and on Wednesday I defrosted the refrigerator!! (ho, hum...sigh)   And at night I sew so I let Brook study without me pestering him constantly.  By the summer, I should have a new wardrobe (& hopefully a job to wear it to!)  I even broke down & made a shirt for Brook.  (He's only been waiting for it for 5 years!)  It's all finished except for the buttonholes which are boring & I hate them.  And it actually fits!  (Which is surprising, since I made it as a surprise & he never tired it on while it was in the works.)  Oh well, so much for the exciting life of G. M. E.  Next letter, if you're good, maybe I'll tell you how I dust the furniture.  (I'm saving laundry for a special occasion, because I know it's just your favorite!)  (Ac-cen-tu-ate the +; e-lim-i-nate the - ).  I do recall that song vaguely, but very vaguely.

Did you try out the spinach pie yet?  If I can find goat milk, I may make some cheese someday soon.  I'm sure it will be a great mess, but it will keep mt out of trouble!  Take care.  I really enjoy getting messages from you.  I'm sorry if I'm a pest.

January 23, 1977 (Letter from Grayce)

What I was reading in January 1977

Hi Tweet.  We took a long drive yesterday along some back roads & it was really very beautiful. We had done the same thing in November & it was pretty then, but for me, nothing can really compare with snow-capped mountains.  We have some nice one right near our house, which I always check on as soon as I get awake.  They are different almost every day.  Last night there was a wet atmosphere and the frost formed on everything just glistens.  I can't wait for the sun to come out.  It will really look picturesque then.  It's kind of nice also when it doesn't snow here, but does snow on the mountains.  That's my favorite way for them to look, so far.  It doesn't happen too often, though.  We're fairly high up here -- a little higher than the town part of Pocatello, actually.  This "development" is called the Highland Area.  Today (& yesterday), it's beginning to get more foggy than I've ever seen it here (or anywhere).  I guess the sun won't be coming out.  Y ou can hardly see across the street!  Oh well....

Just went through the Sunday paper (the only one I ever buy & not usually that one, even.)  The want ads are pretty slim pickin's.  There was one exciting sounding job for a beer bar maid -- no experience necessary.  Also, in the personals column (the best part of the paper, in my humble opinion) an ad for a live-in housekeeper -- ages 25-30 -- female -- light work -- call after 6 PM Jack. I read the cars for sale ads, too, sometimes -- but only if I'm really bored!  This same guy has been putting an ad in -- a "must sell in one week" -- 75 Mustang -- for about a month.  Oh, I guess that's enough about Pocatello's classified ads, huh?

Diane says she's definitely coming out -- barring some unforeseen disaster -- but in those disasters, she mentioned airline strikes, along with gas shortages, so I imagine she's not yet decided on how she'll get here.  Bev may be the deciding factor & in her last letter, she told me her next paid vacation is at Christmas.  So...I don't' think she'll want to drive out.   She did say something about taking 1 week without pay -- but certainly not to come out here, I wouldn't think. It would be too expensive & also too much of a bother.  So...I don't really know what's going to happen.

Ange & John just bought a house outside of Southampton, Pa (near Philly) so they'll be postponing their visit til late summer -- possibly early fall.  We're probably going to go to Oregon with them when they get here.  John's family lives there, so we'll have a place to stay.  Willy & Debbie have threatened to camp out on our back yard, but I won't believe it til I can touch them.  They prefer warmer climates & usually go South every year.  My parents have promised a visit in May.  My father wants to drive -- (but I'm hoping he won't).  Anyway, I hope they do come -- but that's another thing I'm not going to hold my breath for!   Brook's parents are now in Florida visiting his sister Pat & her husband Terry.  Also they brought the 2 grandmas!  They will visit us in June, I think.  At least I'm pretty sure about them coming.  Oh well -- I don't really expect every one I know to just come out & visit, but it would be nice!

We're definitely having company for Easter.  Kathy Conaboy & friend (my philosophy major friend from V.U.) will be coming for a week.  I haven't seen her since graduation from V.U. -- so that will certainly be a reunion.  Brook is threatening to move into the Holiday Inn down the road!  He's never had to live in the same house with 2 philosophy majors before!  This is probably boring you to death.  I suppose you've guessed by now that I don't have much to say!

We may be taking skiing lessons starting Feb. 2 -- depending on how expensive they are.  I have to find out tomorrow.  I just can't see myself sliding down a hill like that.  It will be more like tumbling in my case, I'm sure.  If my next letter comes from Bannock County Mem. Hospital, you'll know why!

Oh well -- I'll try to write a longer (& possibly less boring) letter next time.

January 12, 1977 (Letter from Grayce)

Saw this movie at the Pleasant Theater in Northampton on January 6

This person (to use the Buddhist locution) is at this moment in pain.  Actually there is something very comforting about pain in the o/ sense -- it's proof that we are actually ALIVE in a world where it's sometimes none too evident.  I mean th is not purely in the physical sense, of course.

The reason for the pain -- which is, in truth, beginning to subside -- is the extraction of the wisdom teeth (horror of horrors for a philosopher!) on the left side -- the right side will be done on Feb. 12th. (I can hardly wait to feel ALIVE again!)  We went to the dentist before Xmas & he told me in no uncertain terms that those teeth were not to stay in -- there simply was no room there for them. By the way -- by coincidence, our dentist went to dental school in Philly & we had quite a nice chat before he examined me -- an hour long chat, to be exact.  After an hour, I gently reminded him of hte purpose of my visit -- it was pretty funny, I thought.  On Saturday I went in -- a nervous wreck --I've never had a tooth pulled before & had lots of visions of the Medieval methods I'd read about.  (Naturally, I didn't sleep for several days before.)  But one whiff of the ole nitrous oxide & it was never never land for me.  I was conscious during the whole time, but not so one could notice. I think he talked to me, but I only remember smiling a lot.  He said (I remember only this) that I probably wasn't a heavy drinker because he gave me a very low amt of the oxide & I was already in another world.

Actually, part of this has been fun for the following reasons:

1. Milk shakes (but I'm getting hungry for some solid food -- mashed potatoes can get pretty boring after a while.)
2. Being waited on hand & foot (which isn't really necessary, since I can walk -- but far be it from me to deprive Brook of his pleasure in taking care of me (heh, heh).  Aren't I generous?
3. Not being pinched on the cheeks (a favorite habit of Brook's - -but not of me -- I'm afraid!)
4. Loss of 8 pounds (hopefully for good)

Oh well, I'm fairly optimistic for being a "sick person" -- huh?  I think tonight I'll be able to eat something resembling real rood, but I almost feel afraid to -- in case it would hurt.  It reminds me of an argument about the weakness of will we discussed in philosophy once:

--Agathon looks at the Athenian pastries.

--Agathon remembers the indigestion caused him by the Athenian pastries (As in my case, not indigestion, but sore gums!)

--Agathon wants to avoid eating the Athenian pastries (& he tells other people so.)

--Agathon east the Athenian pastries!

Reasons for this paradoxical phenomenon include the enmity between desires, rational preference & moral evaluation (doing what is thought "right").  These wants are different but all present at the same time.  The agent is free to act out which ever want he is conscious of -- the strongest usually being desire which is usually strong enough to prevent the other -- lesser -- wants from arising. Clear as mud?  I'll spare you all the details.  But it's a good argument to remember in times of temptations!!

I miss seeing you too.  It's hard to believe we've only seen each other 2x since GSLIS -- & 2 short & strange times, at that.  (Which feelings I mentioned to you in my letter following your last visit to us.)  It's just that it's almost like seeing you in a dream those 2x -- I don't even think I acted my right part then either, because it had the qualities of displacement which dreams have.  But I do feel very close to you & value our fine relationship very much.  Maybe someday we will see each other on a more regular basis -- who knows what will happen.  I sometimes do, but not in this case.  Maybe it's better not to know too much.  In some things, I don't want to know, like in death. I think about it sometimes.  I know you think I'm just afraid to get old, but really that doesn't enter into it.  I'd like to think I'm not that vain.  Mainly I think about it because on 1 of my grandparents has lived past 49!  This is reality-facing.  I mean, they say that your lifespan is based on inheritance.  My mother's parents both died of cancer -- my grandmother at 44 & my grandfather at 49.  This is not too encouraging & my father's father died at 49 of diabetes.  Am I being too morbid?  I don't feel morbid, but perhaps this is why I like to believe in reincarnation.  It's pleasant to think that death isn't the end.  It also brings up a possible answer to y our question of why we want to know someone intimately & others not at all.  I really feel that people we like immediately & are drawn to are people we've known in another life.  You may have been my father in another life or I your mother, or anything.  It's possibilities re almost endless.  I've recently read an account of a woman who was "regressed" by a hypnotist to find out who she was in a former life (some scoff at this, but not I!).  She remembered her name -- lived during the 18 century NEAR where she was living at this time.  (I think that's interesting.)  So this may explain something about time as well as space!  She looked up this other person's name & it was found that she'd been found guilty of poisoning her husband by some thing she put in his food (a common practice at that time, also). And -- this is really scary! -- her present husband was very suspicious of her cooking & was always asking what as in things she'd made.   Isn't that fantastic?  So he must have been her husband that she'd poisoned.  They tried to hypnotize him but he didn't believe in it & wasn't a good subject.  Maybe she just didn't want to know.  Is this a reasonable assumption?  I wouldn't want to know if Brook had murdered me in another life.  I'd be too afraid of history repeating itself.

I'm currently reading all of Iris Murdoch I can get my hands on.  I never heard of her prior to this but it seems that besides writing novels she's a philosophy don at Oxford.  So her style & subject matter often appeals to me.  I just happened to be drawn to one of her books at the library & ow I cant stop!

As for potatoland, we seem to be very at home here (maybe because of experiences in a former life?)  Neither of us has had to change our lifestyles very much -- except that I have to drive places, which is still foreign to me.  I feel like I'm in a space ship when I'm in that car & controlling it.

Actually, we've always lived fairly simply.  I like to spend my time reading & on my various hobbies which happily sometimes coincide with Brook's & Brook hasn't too much time, but he uses his spare time constructively.  We were never much for going out, except for dinner occasionally & there are so many nice places to go here for dinner (very surprising to us -- we never expected it) & also most re reasonably priced -- which helps!  It's a nice place & I feel so content.  I am going to get a job eventually, but I'm not sure when or at what & I'm in no hurry (especially since I'm scared to death of driving in the ice & snow!)  (We have had about 2 ft. of it in the past week.)  I hope something interesting will kind of drop out of somewhere.  (I know that's unrealistic) [But I still hope!]  Well, I guess that's about all for now!

December 3, 1976 (Letter from Grayce)

The weather here has been so gorgeous -- (knock, knock).  I keep telling myself it can't last another week but keep hoping that it will.  (The ski resorts outside of town are really hurting, though, so I suppose it's awfully selfish of me not to want this to end for the inevitable winter.)  It get awfully cold at night -0- sometimes slightly below zero -- but during the day, glorious sun!  It has not even drizzled for about 2 months.  (I've gotten some really pretty dried weed bouquets.) Some days it's cold, of course -- (20's or below) but some days it goes up to 55 or 60!!!  And it's just perfect.  I've never experienced such an autumn & probably never will again, so I'm trying to keep a clear picture of it.

We got our wood in for the winter this week.  Wood is awfully expensive here.  I suppose because they have to get it from somewhere else -- there being no trees!!!  (Which I miss.)  Brook & 2 of his friends at work were going to go up to a forested area & cut their own down, but the cost of renting a chain saw & trailer was almost the cost of having someone else doing it & delivery it, and they would have had to make 3 trips, so it wasn't really worth it.

People here must have money trees if not the other kind, I think!!  We are the only people in our neighborhood who have only 1 car (regardless of family size, everyone has at least 2-3 cars!)  Also, everyone has -- either a big camper, a boat, a pick-up, a van or all of the above!!!  They clutter up their driveways with all these things I can't imagine why anyone would want all that stuff.  It would drive me crazy, just to have to take care of it.  Also, it's so wasteful.  Every one has their own car. No car pools are even thought of.  When are people going to wise up?  It just sickens me sometime.

Maybe I am too harsh.  I can understand 2 cars -- especially if people work at different times, but very few of the women around here work.  They are much too busy having seven kids each. They're worse than Catholics!!!  And so many men here just assume that i you are a woman, you are just certainly good for nothing else!!!  Maybe I am too sensitive!!!???

Here is an example of the condescending attitude.  I wanted to buy Brook a jigsaw for our anniversary.  So I went (alone, since I wanted to surprise him) to a tool place & was looking at the different types they had.  Immediately, this guy comes up -- all smiles & says (no kidding) "Why would a sweet little girl like you be looking at these saws!"   I told him I was buying a gift.  He just assumed that I'd know nothing about what I wanted & tried to sell me something I didn't want.  I told him I wanted a 2-speed drill, not a variable speed one because I thought the 2-speed one was more stable, although less expensive.  He was surprised that I'd think of that.  But after my getting what I wanted, he did suggest that I bring my husband in & make sure it was the type he'd use before I actually bought it!  Arrgh!!!  Oh well....I'll stop making your beard grow with this subject.

We found the Pocatello Zoo last weekend.  We didn't even know there was one & came upon it by accident.  It's such a neat little place & we had a good time.  I really like the environments that most of hte animals are in.  Some of the cats are in large "cages" and have all these rocks in the background to climb on.  It's a very pretty setting.  I've heard that the Zoo at Idaho Falls is terrible. They have lions in cages that would be for a few birds & they can hardly walk around.

Did you know about Bev's new job at Wyeth Labs?  It's in Westchester & not far from Villanova. As a matter of act, I know the woman who was the librarian there before, but I'm not sure if she's still there or not.  I'll have to ask Bev the name of the person she's succeeding.  Bev will remain in her present apartment til February (or maybe January)& drive the 25 miles. I guess she wants to look around teh area.  Apartments there are very expensive as she will find out soon, so I hope she can get one that fits in with her budget.  Wyeth has a reputation for paying well, though, so maybe it won't be so bad.  The only thing that she's not too pleased with is 2 weeks vacation instead of the 3 she had at Delaware State, but she feels that the fringe benefits will make up for the extra week.  It's so good that she got this job.  I'm sure she'll like it & it seems like it will be more of a challenge for her than the other was.

Well, I suppose that's all for this time.  Have you heard from Barb yet?  I guess you can't wait to see her.  You'll probably have lots to talk about.  How long will she be home?

November 24, 1976 (Letter from Grayce)

I'm so sorry about the recipes -- we really did like the 2-bean casserole.  Oh well ---"de gustibus non disputandem!"  As you can see, I don't give up easily -- we Taurus people are very stubborn!  If you're willing, my aunt's spinach pie recipe is yummy (I think).  Brook hates spinach & will positively not eat it plain.  Actually, the whole first time I made this pie, he made faces at it & would not even come near it.  There was a lot of low comedy flying around also -- but, when it was finished he did condescend not taste it & he liked it. (He'll never live this down, of course) & now he even asks me to make it!  So do try it, ok?  If mushrooms are as expensive now in  New England as they are here, leave them out.  It's still good without them.

I found this little button & thought it would be perfect for you, in case you eve have an identity crisis, or if your being ever feels denied, or something of that sort!

I do hope you aren't seriously suggesting that I have a "negligible interest at most" in your straitened circumstances!  I really do care, but feel a little helpless about it.  Do you budget yourself?  I suppose you do, but are  you an impulsive spender?  I am, so I know what it's like.  I've been very good lately, though, since I'm not working.  I just tell myself that that money isn't mine. (Actually, I let myself have a certain amount to do the grocery shopping & maybe $10 more each week & whatever I want, I kind of "save" for from week to week.)  It's crazy, I guess, but it feels like the right thing to do, to me.  Maybe you could pretend that a certain amt of your money isn't yours. (Aside from the part that really isn't & save it & then splurge with the money later & buy something special for dinner, or something like that?

How nice that you'll all be together for Christmas.  That's what I usually liked about Christmas, but I haven't spent a Christmas with my own family for 2  years. I kind of miss it.  The other thing I like about it is making things for it -- (which I already told you in another letter).  This year I'm making a wreath out of felt pieces on a styrofoam base. I've cut out everything I want to use -- holly leaves, red berries, mistletoe leaves, white berries, & a few Christmas symbols like a gold star, a few white doves, etc.  It's coming along splendidly!  Also, each year I make a few ornaments for the tree.  The first y ear, I made some wooden ones & painted them.  Last year I made a few clothespin ornaments & then decorate them & varnish them so they'll last.  They also make nice gift tags. I guess I"ll do that next week sometime.  Your calendars sound really nice.  I'm sure everyone will like them better than a boughten gift, and they'll think of you every time they see it!

I'm awfully happy this week -- not that I've been unhappy before -- but I'm especially happy now. Maybe because I'm getting adjusted.  I've actually been sleeping very well, only a very few real trying nights.  I must attribute it to the fact that I'm finally over the frustration of Seton Hill.  (I do still freeze up when I think of that place, though & its atmosphere!)

Speaking of jobs -- you asked what the situation was here.  It's bleak, I won't mince words.  The college here has some prissy rule about 5 years experience for librarians or 2 Masters -- so forget about that place.  I went to talk to the director, but he's a real zombie, so I just smiled politely when he told me he was impressed by my letters of recommendation & then I left after he told me to get another Masters  (at ISU, of course) & definitely he'd hire me then.  Needless to say, I think he's absurd!  The director of the public library is great -- only he has no jobs.  If I get desperate I may volunteer because he's a very progressive person and I know he'd be good to work with.  He was "impressed" too (or so he said).  But he did try to find me something else -- even called people for me, but there isn't anything right now.

I'd like to get a job, because we have a $30,000 mortgage & I'd like to help pay it, but I don't see anything right now.  Brook thinks I shouldn't just take anything, but wait for something good.  (I may be waiting forever, of course.)  I went into the bookstore at the mall & asked about part-time, but of course they just hired some one!  My luck is great.  Anyway, I'm hoping they have a quick turnover, so I left my application.  It would be good experience, I guess, huh?  It's a nice bookstore, too -- has lots of interesting stuff in it.

If I hear of anything, I'll let you know -- but jobs don't exactly stick to me -- especially good ones.

Brook has to stay late at work tonight -- to study confidential stuff.   What a drag.   I'm sure whatever it is isn't that secret.  Oh well.  I have to get him at 10:00, because the night bus stop is about a mile from the regular bus stop.  Yesterday, Brook had me drive on Interstate 15.  I was scared, but it really wasn't that bad.  It was the first time I ever had the car in 4th intentionally.  (I used to put it in 4th instead of 2nd all the time when I first started.)  So now I guess I'm qualified to drive to the airport to pick people up when they come to visit.  (I hope you'll be one of them someday.)

I don't think I told you that the movers broke my loom.  Well, actually it may have been a blessing in disguise.  The guy who came to see the part that was broken is a sheep farmer out in Blackfoot & he asked me to teach him how to spin, so I did & he's going to bring me several pounds a raw wool!   I'm so excited.  He called this morning & will be out this afternoon & will also have my loom piece -- hopefully!

It must be the day for phone calls.  My friend Olga called from California at 6AM.  I guess she was getting ready to go to work. I haven't spoken to her for 2 years!  'twas nice. One of my friends in NY wants me to get a cassette recorder so we can exchange tapes.  I don't' know, though. I think I wouldn't like to speak onto tape as much as I like to write.  Do you?

Oh well, I guess I'm finished talking your ear (eye?) off.  Take care.

November 8, 1976 (Letter from Grayce)

I liked the little picture you sent.  It reminds me of something -- but I'm not sure exactly what.

I just sat down a while ago -- all ready to sew some of the quilt (I had put it away for awhile because I was getting bored with it) and the power died -- maybe this is an omen for me to get out some paper & write to  the 19 people I owe letters to!  What do you think?  It seems to me that the more time I have on my hands, the less I feel like writing to people.  It's true, of course, that nothing exciting happens to me, so maybe I want to spare them (& myself) the boredom of writing about nothing.  You are one of the few "lucky" people who receive letters regularly from me -- I don't suppose you'd like to analyze the reason for this?  I must want to punish you in a terrible, twisted way!  You see, I even started your letter first -- to be sure it got written.  Poor you.

When the electricity goes off (which I hope it doesn't do too often this winter!) you get a chance to realize how much you depend on it -- for good or bad.  For instance -- we're going out to dinner tonight because I won a bet with Brook that he'd get a 95 or over in a test he was worried over.  So, I was planning to get a shower & wash my hair this afternoon.  Not too much to ask, right?  Well, it just occurred to me that the shower will be cold because I used the hot water in the tank to do laundry & I can't possibly dry my hair in time without my hair dryer!  Neat huh?  Therefore, I'll make this letter as long as I can to put off the cold shower.  I can't even heat the bathroom because all our heat is electric.  I'm doomed.  Too bad I never bought any "Psssssst" -- maybe IO will now for these little emergencies.  Maybe I'll try a wheat germ shampoo I hard about?  I don't know, though, suppose I can't get it out?  I'll look like I spent the night in a health food store, or something, maybe the restaurant will be mercifully dark.  Actually, my hair doesn't look dirty -- it just feels to me like it is -- so I guess I can forget it.  How to talk yourself into not worrying about trivia that doesn't seem like trivia at the time.

It's nice that you're using your piano talents again.  Maybe I will get interested again someday. Right now I often pick up my guitar & fool with it.  I don't have a good voice, so I usually only play when no one is around.  (That's pretty often that I get a chance around here.)  I love my guitar.  It was a friend's, but she wanted a Martin, so she sold me her Guild for $80 (she had paid $250 for it or $200, I can't remember which).  It has a lovely sound & keeps me company when I get lonely. It's a right handed guitar, so I had to string it backwards to play it, but it really doesn't make any difference except for the pick guard which is at the top instead of at the bottom -- oh, the hazards of being left-handed -- no wonder the Latins referred to it as sinister!)

On Wednesday, I went to 2 cooking classes sponsored by the Intermountain Gas Company.  One was for french cooking & 1 was for Italian.  I asked my neighbor, Betty, across the street, along, because she doesn't  drive & doesn't get to go many place -- nothing is within walking distance from where we live!  She was so grateful, she took me out to lunch at the Holiday Inn between the classes -- which was awfully nice of her.  We had a really good time -- sampling the results was the best part of the classes -- actually the dishes prepared weren't anything too different from things I make myself, but it was fun anyway.  And the other people there (only about 20) seemed to be very impressed so at least they got a lot out of it.

What do you think about your present situation?  Are y ou going to be looking for a new job soon? It would be great if you could get one out West somewhere, maybe we will get to see each other occasionally, after all.  Brook & I just said the other night we'd like to stay out here for about 5 years.  I hope we can.  Let me know if you apply for anything new.  I'll hope that you find something interesting!

I was surprized to get a letter from Wray last week.  He seemed awfully down in the dumps about his being deposed from his former job as "Asst. to the Dean".  Galvin, it seems, told him he didn't know what he did & whatever it was, it wasn't much!  So Wray told him that he (Galvin) was welcome to do it himself & Wray is now just teaching.  (He said to say hello to you, by the way.) It's kind of sad, because I think Wray really tried, but it seems that that accounts for very little at old GSLIS.  I'll have to try & write a cheerful letter back.

Well, I suppose I'd better get that shower now -- brrr!

October 12, 1976

Don't be too upset with Harriet -- it's difficult for most people to love with an open hand.  Maybe she hasn't noticed your bird-like qualities yet -- (which make such non-handling essential).

How are your gums?  My wisdom teeth have been coming in for 2 years now -- they don't trouble me too much, just once in awhile.  I suppose it would be good to have them looked at again soon. The last time the dentist said they were ok.

About your money situation.  I hope you don't have to sell your car -- it would seem like such a waste, don't you think?   To save on your food budget, maybe you could buy beans in bulk at a great savings/  I'm enclosing some recipes I've come across.  On the ones I've tried I've put comments; on the others, no, it can't be good to eat tuna every night -- not because of anything inherently wrong with tuna, but because it's so full of mercury.  I'd think 2-3 times a week would be ok, though, since it's such a good source of protein, iodine, etc.

In case you're wondering what there 2 swatches of material are -- they're samples of the quilt materials I'm going to use.  It wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but the fabric store here doesn't have the greatest selection.  It will be predominantly the dark brown fabric with patches of the contrasting white fabric.  I hope it comes out ok.  If not I'll have wasted a lot of money on 15 yards of material!!

This little project should keep me busy & out of trouble for a few weeks, at lest!  That & watering the grass seed -- a few little sprouts have shown themselves.  At least I don't look like I'm watering mud every 2 hours like I did 2 weeks ago.  We're wondering how much will grow through, because we had several days of very heavy rain & it probably washed a lot of the seed away (drat!!).  Well, time will tell (to coin a phrase!)



Last weekend, 3 of Brook's friends from the Pgh. Westinghouse were here (the same 3 we went rafting with).  They were sent out on business (monkey business) by Westinghouse & were here for a week.  It was really nice to see some familiar faces for a change.  We all went to Jackson Hole, Wyoming for the weekend.  It was beautiful.  It was off-season so it wasn't at all crowded, which was nice.  We had lunch in this "cowboy bar" in Jackson.  I felt strange because I was the only woman in the place, but it wasn't too bad after I got used to it.  Greg escorted me to the "bar" so we could try out the saddle seats. (I was too chicken to go up by myself.   Brook was busy playing "Tank" & "Stunt Cycle" in the game room!)   What class!  I broke down & played a few games with him later on.  I actually beat him once & tied him once.  Those guys couldn't believe it! (Brook was always the champ back there.)  I told them our idea of a big night on the town is to go to the game place at the mall & spend $5 on these games.  (Very seldom, though.)  I mean, I have to play half decently -- just to keep my self respect, you know?  I'm really bad at bi-plane, though -- I guess I'm just not very coordinated!



We looked at all the ski equipment that town had to offer (much) & I think Brook has been bitten -- he wants to buy (not rent).  Actually, I'm not sure I want to ski.  I'll probably kill myself -- or worse!! I told him I'd much rather spend the money on a good camera.  (John had his camera with him [Canon] & all kinds of lenses & I was jealous!!!)   Looking at all the steep slopes scared me; I couldn't see myself going down them at 70 mph.  (I'm afraid to even drive that fast yet!)  The prices for skiing were no less steep than the hills, though.  I'll probably go at lest once, because I'd feel like I missed out on something if I didn't.

I have to water the "grass" -- I'll be back soon.  A few more sprouts today!  Very encouraging!

I have a tale to tell you about one of my last days in Pittsburgh.  I think it would interest you, because it has to do with space & time travel which you have mentioned an interest in.

Anyway, one day before we left, I was to meet Mary Dodson (my partner in crime from Seton Hill -- the cataloger -- remember her?) at GSLIS & later we were going to have lunch.  I was waiting at the bus stop near our house when this guy came along & what first struck was his amazing resemblance to David Bowie, except that he was a blonde, not a redhead.  Anyway, he also had such a presense "presence" about him.  (There are some words which I never have learned to spell!)  Anyway, I was just sitting on the step waiting for the bus & he came along & sat beside me & amazingly enough he said "I feel that you are interested in thought processes."   I must have looked pretty funny because he laughed & he didn't look like a person who laughed very often.  I told him I was, in a way & that I had studied philosophy.  He wanted to know which phil. I believed in most.  I said existentialism & Kierkegaard's version of it seemed like truth to me.  He seemed not to know who K. was (unless he just wanted to see what I knew about him) & asked me to explain a bit about him.  He seemed happy with my "K in a nutshell" story & said did I ever concern myself with Eastern philosophy.  I said I had liked to mediate & had just started a yoga program on my own.  I thought he was going to cry -- he got every emotional about this (if I wasn't so interested in him I would have run away -- I was a little upset by his reactions).  Then the bus came & we got on.  (The idea of meeting someone like this in Wilkinsburg is a little too much to begin with, no?)  He spoke very quietly on the bus about leaving the body -- actually leaving it, not just mentally.  It seems that he felt he had done it.  He asked if I believed him & I said yes, hoping he'd communicate some secret to me.  I asked him where he was from (he really didn't seem like one of "us" -- I'm not kidding).  He said that wasn't "essential"!  He said he'd see me again sometime & I said I was moving far away & he said "so?"  I'll tell you, it was incredible.  The only person I told was Brook & now you.  I wonder if I'll ever see him again.  He also spoke (& this scared me) of becoming a person in another person's body.  What do you think of all this?  Do you think he was just a nut, or really had some valid system worked out.  He may have been a nut, but I believe that "nuts" really have knowledge that "sane" people don't have.  (I really like this point Lessing makes in her works.)

Anyway -- this letter is incoherent.  I'm trying to write & think above a lot of banging noise in the basement.  We're having a water softener installed because the water her is so hard that is you don't have one, the plumbing has to be re-done every year & we can't look forward to that!  I made this guy keep the cold water tap in the kitchen hard though, because I want to drink & cook with the water that's so calcium & magnesium enriched.  I'm sure he thinks I'm really crazy!

Well, write when you can & take care.

September 29, 1976 (Letter from Grayce)

I had the strangest dream last night -- actually, it was so vivid, I went around to check that it hadn't really happened!  I walked into our house (in the dream) & on every window someone had put these curtain  -- hand-embroidered with teddy bears!  I can't remember who made them, but I remember that I was "afraid" of them -- (maybe fear is too strong -- just apprehensive about them) -- I remember not liking them there, but I couldn't give them back to the person because it would be an insult.  It was very upsetting because the person (I wish I could remember who it was) would be to see me fairly often and I couldn't no have them up.

Well -- nothing like a strange beginning to a letter from a strange person.  Teddy bears!  A sure sign of senility -- I'm reverting to my childhood which I actually never did leave!

Today was a full day!  In between watering our "lawn" (I hope, I hope) so the grass seedlings will know I care about them & won't let them die of thirst, I went to the market (more about that later) by MYSELF in the car!  (After driving Brook to the bus station, of course.)  I felt quite independent, but nervous.  ( bargained with God to please let me arrive safely -- we do that a lot, He & I -- we've made some really strong commitments in certain areas.  Also, I got rejected (snif, snif -- violins, softly) by Allied Chemical who said I did not (no kidding?!?) have the proper background to be given a job there.  I also received the good news:

(1)  The site where Brook works does not hire relatives of present employees....

(2)  Aerojet (the other company where it was possible for me to get a job -- even though no science degree) is moving to another state.

Do you think there are degrees of unemployment (not to be confused with DEGREED unemployment -- which there definitely is -- and it seem to settle near me very decidedly -- no?)

I'm not really upset about all this -- actually, being the laaazzzzy person that I am, I'm content to wallow in nothingness for awhile.  I mean, if I get desperate, there's always Taco Bell!  (Actually, the only fast food place of which I slightly approve -- I fell that their food is the most wholesome -- & at least they offer non-meat things, you know?)

Back to the market (are you dizzy?).  I'm sorry.  I found this really neat supermarket -- it's called Waremart.  You go in & pick what you want & put it in a box on this large push cart & mark the price yourself (so they don't have to hire someone else to do it & you save about 15-20%.)  Also, they have a nice selection of "natural" foods & they are sold out of large bins (like at a co-op) & you weight everything yourself & mark & bag it.  I was able to get bulgar wheat (which was hard to find in Pgh.) and cheap wheat germ (which I use as a substitute for any recipe that needs bread crumbs) and nice brown rice.  They have a great selection of dried beans & also different flours. I'm going to try Rye Bread this winter.  I'm also going to try whole wheat manicotti (with bulgar wheat thrown into the dough.)  Poor Brook -- he gets to digest all my experiments. Actually, he's been pretty patient with my meatless concoctions -- for someone who was used to meat & potatoes & peas for 24 years before I started to be the cook.  He actually ate some broccoli the other night & said it wasn't bad.  (He was pretty hungry when he came home & that was the first thing I'd let him eat.)  He also now consents to raw cauliflower in the salad -- a big step for mankind!

My friend Eleanor (my yoga buddy) is going to begin raising bees (is that what it's called?) -- that should be a good experience, huh?

This seems to be a food letter -- I'm making myself hungry!

(I made chicken with sesame seeds & P. cheese -- it was very good.  Thank you.)

Maybe I'll be able to change the subject now.  (Paul says, "Thank god!")

I heard something pretty interesting.  (At least, I thought it's interesting.)  Sugar City, Idaho may be able to get all their energy by geo-thermal means.  At the site where Brook works (ERDA) they do searcher in this area, also  & they think it's possible in certain parts of Idaho (but not many). Anyway -- isn't that somewhat encouraging?  It's already being done in Boise, but on a very small, experimental scale.  It isn't likely to be THE energy source, but it can contribute a lot if gov't has the sense to put some money into it.  It won't be a substitute for what Brook was involved in -- energy for ships -- they will probably have to stay with breeder-reactors on board, but they are very safe & pose none of the problems to the environment that land-core reactors might -- also they use up & recycle their own pellet fuel products, which not many others can do.  Anyway, ti's something to think about !  It would be nice if we didn't have to unearth all the coal available -- it will make such a mess of the land-- one big mine -- yech!

I just read my cards a few hours ago -- and I hadn't read them for months.  I don't like to read my own because when you're too close to a situation, it's sometimes difficult to sort things out correctly -- but as a final outcome today, I got #XXI (the world).  The description of that card is: "Fulfillment of all desires.  Reward; assured success.  Freedom to move ahead in all undertakings.  The ability to make others happy.  Change of home or means of livelihood (not too soon, I hope).; travel.  *Arrival at a state of cosmic consciousness (hopefully thru yoga?)  The path of liberation."

It's kind of difficult to misinterpret such good news, I think.  anyway -- it made my day!  Also, I still keep getting the Hermit & the Magician & the Hanged Man. (All predict the ability to prophesy to some degree.)  I seem to get them in the fear position pretty often, though -- or else they cover the Queen of Pentacles (my card).  Today, the Hermit was in the near past and the Hanged Man covered my card.  Interesting.

I have a new friend -- our mailman.  He comes by at 4:30 everyday & one day he asked me if he could take a drink of water from our hose.  I said he certainly could not (in a stern tone) & he looked quite surprised.  Then I told him to wait til I could get him some lemonade.  He was really funny.  I think he recently graduated from ISU & is looking for a job, & this is only temporary . Anyway, it's nice to see a friendly face.

I haven't met many people yet.  Our neighborhood is new & there's no one living on one side of us & the people on the other side just moved in 2 days ago, and I didn't want to bother them now. They are an older couple (in their 50's) & seem very nice. Also, there is a couple (also in their 50's) across the street form us who we've become friendly with -- the Hunters.  These neighbors seem like a real change from our newsy Wilkinsburg neighbors (except for our upstairs neighbors the Michauxs and our one next door neighbor, the Guys.)

Well, I guess I've babbled on enought now about trivia, and will let you rest.

Take care & please be careful driving.

P.S.  Brook says to say "hello".

P.P.S  Have Diane take you to "Bank Street 5" next time you're in Philly.  It's a hole in the wall, but very good Italian food & you gete delicious sauteed mushrooms free as an appetizer -- I think you'd like it.

September 18, 1976 (Letter from Grayce)

I have the sagebrush blues -- have been pulling the stuff for 1 week and although I'm almost finished I really needed this little respite.  I have a rash (of course) from the stuff & it's beginning to get unbearably itchy -- so I'm stopping (the rash goes away in a few hours if I remove myself from the irritating weed.)

Brook (that lucky wretch) hasn't been able to help because he has 3 exams this week.  He has 2 hrs. each of Math, Physics, & Radiation each day & about 1 hr. of homework in each also -- so he's been pretty busy -- I've been pretty busy making popcorn for him to study with, also!) but his exams are over today & tomorrow we really have to start getting the soil ready for the grass seed. We don't have too many weeks left before the snows (according to the weatherman.)  By the way he (the weatherman) certainly has an easy job of it out here -- it's only rained once in the time we've been here & people said that that was unusual!  It should be great fun trying to grow grass. Oh well, there are always wood chips & bushes.

Something neat this week -- A STEREO!  We're both actually excited about it.  Brook didn't think he'd finish his amp before Xmas & we really didn't want to wait, so we bought one.  Got a good deal on a Kenwood (1/2 price) at the Sound World here in the "mall".  Brook intends to sell it when he finishes his (who knows when?).  He's not going to have much spare time for quite awhile.

I'm just having such a good time listening to all my favorites!  Steely Dan, Bonnie Raitt, Michael Franks, and David Bromberg are the currently most enjoyable.  I don't know how I was able to do without them for so long.

It's so quiet here-- when the records are not on, all I hear is the ticking of the clock.  But just recently, they've started construction on a house near us and I am awakened in the morning by this funny construction worker who sings "Good Morning America" at the top of his lungs --a real comedian!  Actually, I get awakened twice, once at 5:20 AM to get Brook up (a Herculean task!) Just last week I had to take custody of the alarm clock & put it on my side.  It seems that Brook's subconscious didn't want his conscious self to hear the alarm.  He'd shut it & go back to sleep & claim he never heard it.  One day of this trick was enough -- so now I get to be the bad guy!

At least I've been sleeping ok (not great, just ok).  I try not to do the yoga too close to bedtime, though because I find that it gives me too much energy and then I really can't sleep.  I usually do some about an hour after I've been up (not as soon as I wake up -- it doesn't seem to be a good time for me) and then later in the day, about 3-4 in the afternoon.

I've just added the Sun Goddess Salutation to my daily list and I usually do it 2x -- I doubt I'll ever get up to 12!  I didn't think I'd like this one, since it's so long, but I find that I really enjoy it & it's an excellent warm-up (which is its purpose).  I may cut out some of the beginner's warm-ups which this takes the place of.  I find as I go on that I enjoy the positions so much more than the warm-ups (but I'm afraid to drop any arm-ups since they feel so beneficial -- and the fact that I don't like them as much must mean that they're good for me.)  I don't know when I'll ever get to a headstand (one of the pinnacles).  Some people never do.  My "guru" (the woman who encouraged my interest) said it took her 3 years to even attempt a headstand -- let alone to get it right!  So I suppose I won't worry about it.  One thing yoga teaches is Patience, just to wait til it's time for certain things to come -- not only in the physical & mental progress of the discipline, but also in the process of living.

I am also coming to value detachment more & more in receiving your letter about the hopeless situation the world is in.  I can hardly disagree.  I used to feel so disillusioned about man.  You see, at one time I believed that man could progress -- but now I see that that was such a fool's paradise.  (Revolution just reverses itself in every instance.)  Now I feel that the postponement of Armageddon is not a good.  Man really needs something to shake him up.  He doesn't deserve the good things he has & won't until he realizes that he has them. Unfortunately, he won't realize he had them til they're gone -- or at least mildly threatened.  I know this seems rash -- but what else has ever affected man but his own misfortune and pain?  Biblically speaking, this is sound also, no?

I really have a feeling for the Old Testament and its solidness -- the New Testament seems pale by comparison, to me.  In the O.T. the emotions were more "real" it seems, while in the N.T. (& that includes NOW) the emotions are petty -- even the sins seem petty in a way -- this sounds very incoherent -- but I can't seem to express what I feel -- maybe you understand with only the suggestion?

Well, enough of this -- I'll get off the pulpit, now.

I feel very right being here.  I am happy.  I haven't missed yet having a job, because I've been pretty busy.  Actually, I felt that I was stagnating in Pittsburgh (that includes double the year we spent at GSLIS).  I was very disappointed in myself, my lovely job at Seton Hill -- the only thing I was pleased about was being with Brook.  He really held me together during those year.

Here I feel as though I can hold myself together (not always, of course), but that I can explore things that are new & that I can grow a lot.  Brook feels the same way.  (I hope he gets more time later on.)  I think living here is going to have a profound effect on me.  I hope it will be good, but of course there will be some negative thing s-- just not too many would please me.

I have lots of ideas for doing things right now.  I probably will never implement all of them.  Before I left Phila, I found an old quilt that my mother had sewn by hand while my father was going to night school.  It was the only thing she's ever sewn by hand like that.  She used to use it on my bed when I was little.  She wanted to throw it away!  (I'll probably put it in the "guest room".)  I'd also like to make one of my own, but that won't be able to be even thought about for some time, I guess.

Ok, Paul, I know this letter is boring.  I'm sorry.  Maybe my next letter will be better.  I'll try.

You didn't say much about your trip to Philly.  Did you like Winston's?  The Art Museum?  (You really can't see it all very well in 1 day.)  Bev wrote me that she enjoyed seeing you.  I wish I could have been there.  Oh well...

I guess I'll be going -- back to the weeds!

August 31, 1976 (Letter from Grayce)

N.B.  Prevention magazine says a few beers every once in a while are good for you.  Because they contain elements of nutrition that are no longer in modern man's food -- even most "health foods".

I am presently taking a break from the exciting job of UNPACKING!  (Oh, if only my fellow phil. majors could see me now!)  I was going to make a pun from "unpacking" which is the logical positivistic term for "getting down to basics" about a word's true meaning -- which might interest an old dictionary buff like yourself?  Actually, I have no idea of what I'm trying to convey here, myself, my surroundings are a total scramble & my mind is jarred b y them. Maybe I should start over.

You new stationary gave me quite a start -- it's the exact paper I used to get from Brook when we first met.  As you can tell, the stationary business hasn't come up with any brilliant ideas in 5 years!  What a farce, actually, Brook thought little of the paper, too (not me, I like it, but them, I have strange taste) so he went to his friend B.V.D. (Bill Venables, for short) who just happened to run a printing press at the time, and made some papers up 'specially for me -- quite romantic.  Our mailman used to geet quite a kick out of those letters.  Anyway, there were yellow & had a pretty sunset delicately printed on top (just in black) but I really liked them.  What reminded me of this is that for two days, Brook & I sorted our letters (writing every day for 2 years by 2 people equals quite a heap of letters!)  We got rid of some.  I was upset because so many of the ones I wrote said the same things -- what drivel!  Anyway, it was a nostalgic way to spend 2 days -- I do like your stationary, though -- very forceful!  (he-Tweet?)  Should I start again?

Our trip across was (thanks God!) uneventful in the car trouble sense, which we both were a bit worried about.)

Ohio to Indiana - very nice, too flat.

Iowa -- I never want to see corn again.

Nebraska -- ditto, but we stopped at a few Pioneer museums, and they were pretty interesting.

Wyoming -- I liked this place, unfortunately, we drove a lot of it in the dark and I didn't get many pictures.

Utah was my favorite.  I can't imagine this place being the way it is.  It's scary, in a way.  If we have another ice age, maybe the whole earth will look like Utah and when man (or whoever will evolve next; I hope somebody who deserves the earth more) appears, he'll never know about exotic flowers or hardwood trees?  It could change the furniture business!    (I'm sorry, I'm in such a giddy mood!)

We spent a week at Pocatello's finest -- Holiday Inn, which wasn't too bad.  We swam every possible minute & that nice.  Unfortunately, Brook got hut one day by scraping his nose on the bottom of the pool, also his forehead.  I still don't' understand how he did it -- the water he dived into was 10' deep -- but I think he scraped his nose in the 4' part, which appeared a bit too abruptly -- anyway, he's ok.  He was just shaken up a little.  I was afraid, though, when he came up, his face was full of blood.  After that, we were less energetic in the water.

It's so quiet here -- hardly ever a car goes by our house.  The population in this town is rising quickly though.  They expect 80,000 in 5-7 years (it's 48,000 now).  I am now gazing out our back door at 2 workers putting up a house across from us.  They're putting up the skeleton of the roof right now.  I'm surprised at how quickly it's being finished.

Brook is at his first day of classes.  I hope he's having a nice day.  One of the guys he knows who's already out here said the program is very tough.  (Brooks thinks he's very intelligent & didn't think he'd have any problems at all!)  I suppose my main function right now is to be here for Brook so he'll have all the support he needs.  I hope I don't take up too much of his time.  For now, I don't have to worry, because I'm up to my ears in things that need a place to stay, but after the house is settled, I will have to keep myself busty.  Maybe I can be a waitress at  the Mall?  There's an ice cream place -- I definitely have enough experience in that.

Is this letter boring?  I'm sorry -- it's awfully incoherent, too.  Brook has to catch a 6:00 AM bus out to the site each day, and I don't see him again til 6:00 PM.  He's been taking the car down & leaving it at the bus stop (2 1/2 miles away).  Later on, I'll drive him down & ave the car during the day.  I'm not sure I'm ready yet, though.  Brook's taken me out several times, but he's never let me go out alone.  It's pretty crowded here on the roads, it's surprisingly like Monroeville!  Eventually, though, I suppose I'll be driving all by myself!  (Frankly, I'm scared, but I suppose I'll survive!)

The transition from everythingness (maybe just somethingness) by which I mean the possibility of seeing certain people & doing certain things to nothingness (not in the sense really of NOTHING, but in the relative sense of less stimuli of certain types) is certain to be a major difference in my life.  I feel it may be for the best.  I need solitude right now.  I think maybe I'll be able to be alone more readily, also.  That is one thing that's very hard to me and which I must overcome.

I do hope you can make it out here.  You know, I'd love to have you.  Actually since you have such a short time, have you considered flying?  It's really not that expensive & if you consider that "time is money" it's cheap!  (I can always rationalize spending!)  Anyway, think about it?  (It's a natural for a Tweet, anyway!)

I'm so pleased about the yoga.  Actually, I didn't mention it "off the cuff".  I didn't want to seem like I wanted to "force" you to try it, but I did want to consciously make an effort.  I knew you'd be open to that suggestion.  That's one aspect of your personality I am very impressed with -- your openness to new ideas -- (maybe because I'm not always as open as I'd like myself to be?)  I've always felt that I could tell you any thing and it would be taken without undercurrents of "she's crazy" even if I was crazy.  I hope  I get to see you more often at some point in my life.  Oh well -- I guess I'd better get back to UNPACKING!  Take care