October 19, 1971 (Letter from Larry)

I just read your letter and I wanted to write to you while my thoughts were fresh in my head.

Pink Floyd is coming to Cleveland on Nov 6th and I'm hoping I get to see them.

School is going okay but it's a rinky-dink ass school.  I'm trying to do my best but the teaching and administration is fucked up.  It isn't really worth the money but I'm going to make the most of it.  I'd like to go to Ken State after I get out of this school but it depends on the money situation.  It's supposed to be one of the best architectural schools in the nation and besides that there are a lot of freaks down in Kent.

Did you hear that Ford and June bought Bambenek's cottage at Lake Spread Eagle.  Mom and Dad were hoping they would rent nit out so they could go up to the lake for 2 weeks t his summer.  I"d really like to go with them.

About my bad trip -- it really fucked me up.  I don't know what Mom or Dad told you but I'll you the whole story.  I've only touched the chemicals twice -- both times acid.  The first time was out here in Cleveland.  I was over at these guys apartment and just about everybody dropped.  I dropped 1/4 tab and went home by myself.  It wasn't too bad of oa trip.  I just got a lot of cramps and I felt weaker than hell.  I didn't plan on droping again for quite awhile but about three weeks later I dropped with Monty and some other guys.  It was about 2:00 Sunday morning when I did it.  I didn't want to do anything cause I knew that I would have to go to church in a few hours.  Anyhow they persuaded me to, they told me when I first took it that it was mesc, but after about a half hour they told me it was really acid.  I didn't really care then, I wasn't pissed at them for doing it.  But I started peaking about an hour later, I thought I was going to die, I had such bad cramps I could hardly breathe.  I told one of the guys I was with to check me (I was lying in the back seat of a car) every once in awhile to make sure I was still alive.  It really fucked me up.  Things began to be a little beteter when I started coming down but I had terrible cramps.

I went home about 10:30 Sunday morning and nobody was home so I went to bed.  I was still really fucked up, I would hear bells, hammering sounds, motorcycles, just about anything in my head and there was nothing around making the noises.  I thought I was going to be fucked up the rest of my life.  I even told Mom and Dad that they should take me to the State Hospital for observation.  But they wanted to wait a day to see how I'd be.  I didn't start getting back to normal til about 5:00 Sunday nite.  I still wasn't sure if I was going to be normal or not.

It took me about 3 or 4 weeks to get my head clear.  Like about a week or so after this experience I had a couple beers and I laid down and I hear swoshing and cricket like sounds in my head.  Even when I smoked some hash I'd hear cricket sounds but it's been about 7 weeks since that and it doesn't affect my head cuz I don't drink or smoke anymore.

What could have caused such a bad trip is that the acid was probably cut with strychnine (a rat poison) cause it is supposed to cause the bad cramps.

I'll never do chemicals again -- I'd be afraid that it could kill me.  I'll never stop smoking (no reason to).

I listneed to a program on one of the underground radio stations about drugs.  It was a talk session with Cleveland's chief underground toxicologist.  (He inspects the dope in Cleveland that people bring to him.)  I just want to give you some true facts about dope all over the United States.

You've probably never had mescaline before because it done't exist on the street.  If you really have had it, it would have cost about $25 a hit, that's about how much it costs to synthesize it and it is rare in its pure form.  THC doesn't exist outside a laboratory and that would cost $75 per dose cause it is a complicated synthesis.

You won't always get pure acid, a lot of time it's poor quality acid cut with speed or strychnine nto give it strength.

There's no reason why you should get involved with downs or speed -- they can't do anything for you.

Eve the grass is dangerous if it's sprayed or soaked in a chemical.  It's even more dangerous when you smoke a chemical.

The toxicologists does public service announcements on the station so most everything I said is quoted from him.  But I read articles form different people who say the same, so it's not bullshit.

I don't have anything against your taking acid but there's no way in hell that you are sure that it's acid.

It is possible to retrip on LCD under extreme tension.

I would take mesc if I was sure it was pure and could afford it.  But I'd be afraid to take pure acid, I'll never buy any chemical off the street.  The only thing I buy is grass or hash and even then I can't be sure if it hasn't been stepped on.

That's enough of that -- I just wanted to tell you how I felt and a few facts that you might not have known.

I hope everything that I've been writing makes sense.  I wrote down things so fast and I don't plan on proofreading 5 pages.

Mom might have told you I got my hair cut -- I just got about an inch or so of the back so it would grow in more even.

I hope you didn't think I turned straight from what Mom and Dad said.  I could never do that.  I don't' have to take the chemicals to be a freak.

i'm still working at school as a janitor but I'm going to have to have someone start helping me out cause I've been working over 40 hrs/week plus going to school 25 hrs/week that doesn't leave me much time to do anything.  Well my hand is getting tired so i"ll probably see you Christmas.

I hate to bug you about this but know what you're putting down.

This is the longest fuckin letter I've ever written.

October 10, 1971 (Letter from Mardi)

Thanks for the hour of sweeping I had to do in order to get the sand out of the carpet due to the fact that I didn't have a vacuum cleaner handy when I spilt your letter.

Everything is back to normal with Anderson now.  A-C-T-I-O-N weekend though -- Bill and I moaning and groaning with stomach flu.  It could have had something to do with how bombed we got Friday night.  You'd never believe our old drinking bar -- Al's!  Super ritzy now!  It really blew my mind.  I guess Bill left Boston and went to New York and then to Philly.  Barb was upset because everything was such a mess when they were there.  She sounds like she's in "good" shape -- no job, except for typing -- Doreen has moved out and Nancy her new roommate never had any money an does not work.  The eternal hassle...

Things here on the home front are quite stable -- thank god!  When winter sets in it's good to be "secure"?  I'm expecting to be snowed in any day now!

Anyway -- I'm going to close for you -- Comedy for Big Kids in on with Buster Keaton, no 3 Stooges tonight.

Good morning greetings!  (10/12/71)

I can only say that because I am well rested, since I did not have to go to work yesterday!  I must have a phobia about getting up for work every seventh or eighth Monday.  After that amount of time I just can't seem to face another Monday.  Just call me "Abigail Fortitude Abbott!"  Good heavens, what made me think of that name?!  I just had a neato keen day though.  I went and got Cindy's dog (she lives on 31st and Colfax) a St. Bernard, and then went to the park and around Lake Harriet and Lake Calhoun.  The leaves were falling, the sun was out -- wow, I dig that stuff to no end.  It was a truly inspiring day -- inspiring though to quit work and take off or something!   I then set a foot to the drugstore to pick up Bill's pictures of the trip!  My second most favorite things -- PICTURES!  Where the dog knocked over the newspaper stand and caused a big of confusion.  Then upon passing the local ice-cream parlor I had to stop and get a double-dipped chocolate bon bon ice cream cone, which the dog and I both ate.  Now, that's a neat day!

I must go.  CUSTOMER!  Take care!

Do you know when you are coming?  You can stay at our place til Dec. and then fly home w/ me if you want.  I don't know what you plans are!!! I enclosed an October calendar for keeping track of time!

P.S.  You would have #27!!!! That is funny!  Yuk! Yuk!

October 9, 1971 (Letter from Mrs. P)

Paul I want you to know I have been thinking of you, even though I don't write.  How are you?  Working real hard I know.  I hear your are working in a restaurant as a cook.  How do you like it?  I have been real busy at work.  We are getting ready for Xmas.   Just think it's a little over 2 mos away.

Have you heard from Mike?  I got a letter fro him and he seems to be doing OK.  I guess he had a bad cold there for awhile, but is much better now.  He said he lost some weight.  He is so thin now, I hope he doesn't lose anymore weight.

I had my wisdom tooth pulled last week and I swear he pulled my tonsils because my throat and neck were so sore, but it's much better now.

The weather is beginning to turn cold and damp and the leaves are turning their beautiful colors.  In c couple weeks they should be real pretty.  Just think after that will come that white stuff.  You lucky guy enjoying the sun.  Will you be home for Xmas?  It seems most of the kids will be home.  I'm planning on Mardi being home.

Bill Anderson and Bill Peterson (a friend of Bill's out of the Navy) came east for a 2 wk trip and spent a couple of days with me and then they went non to Boston.  They took Barb L. with them.

Tina really had a beautiful wedding.  Her husband seems to be a nice guy.  Mike and I both went.  It seems all I've been doing is going to wedding this summer.  Fine in all.

I'm sending you a snapshot of you kids when Mardi was home in July.  I don't think you saw them.

Paul take good care of yourself and let me know how things are out there in good old Calif.  Write when you get time and my thoughts are with you.  Till I hear from you.  Always a friend and Mardi's mother.

October 8, 1971 (Letter from Barb Lucia)

I'm living in the slums again in my usual October unemployed state -- how is the ocean, sunshine and restaurant life??  Seems to be my forte -- working at the ocean -- the only time I'm ever content -- duh!  Nothing like living in fantasyland all the time.  Maybe Renee was right-- we do live in a dream world.

Anderson drove me back to Boston!  He and another guy came to Warren and stayed at Mardi's house and ate her ravioli -- she was happy, needless to say, about staying in Msp and work!  We started out for Boston one bright sunny day (last Thurs) and ended up spending the nite in Niagara Falls w/ two bombed guys on my hands -- trying to get them up to the room plus sneaking Harry in unobtrusively -- I'm there, duh, what in the hell am I doing in Niagara Falls?!

They stayed here for 2 days -- having a fantastic time w/ no refrigerator, no music, etc.  We were just putting the place together again and had no stereo or radio plus Anderson got stuck w/ getting a U-haul and going out to get our new refrigerator.  He is really nice sometimes, you know?

So here I am -- my head is completely turned around since I left here in July -- seems like 3 years not 3 months.  Since living on the Vineyard, I am so alienated from this kind of life and here I thought I had outgrown these sudden changes of heart (?)  I feel exactly as if I'm living in Warren ,Pa and can't get out!  Not that I mind living in Boston but just the day-to-day shit plus it is so ugly around her e-- I can't explain how I feel -- but yet there's no sense in moving around the goddamn county every 3 months forever -- they ought to lock me up somewhere!  Also am at a loss because it seems I have a job back at old Mass Mental but no salary because of the money freeze, state govt, etc.  Right now I am typing for a guy at Mass Men for $3/yr until this job is done, probably another week.  Hey, I do have a good job.  Enough of such shit -- I had a great 6 weeks of August/Sept -- BIG DEAL -- and now it's over ok -- what are you doing?  Duh!  Mardi and I were talking about this the other nite -- how I got to live at M. Vineyard and have fun in the sun and all that but now I have nothing and she stayed in one place and didn't get to go anywhere but she has everything she needs as far as security goes, etc. -- and we decided that no one is really getting anywhere!  As if there's somewhere to get to -- and there's Sue Smith in Warren thinking that we're so neat because we don't live there but of course we're not neat or cool or whatever -- and everyone sits around envying you because you're in California but they don't think about the hassles with money and a place to stay and no security and all that -- they don't understand that you're just living, wherever you are!  Place has little to do with it.  Although sunshine and peace can let you feel content no matter what your hassles are.  Are you having a quiet time nowadays?  If you're doing a lot of acid, etc. you're not exactly in the place I mean?  Remember my ex-old man from last year who came to Boston last October fresh from tripping his little heart out constantly in California full of love and peace, brother -- I saw him in September and he has lot all his sunshine ways I fear an dis now completely hard-core city -- screw your brother!  God, people are weird!  (Far-out, freaky, and not least of all -- groovy.)  You'll have to see what going back to Buffalo does to your head in January -- believe me, it'll be strange.  And of course, we'll see you at Christmas in Warren -- hey, something new.  Did you know that Don Corey got married last Saturday?!  Far out?  Thought I'd throw that in for old times sake -- so did Marti Graves and of course Tina and Mark -- Joan is going back to Clarion in January.  That's it for the news that makes the news.  Mardi and Bill -- that famed financial wonder -- both ran out of money at the same time -- him in Philly and her in Msp.  She had to send him his paycheck and I had to send her $10 to make it though the week -- amazing, truly amazing.  Here I sit with no car, no stereo, No TV, no car-stereo tapes, etc. sending money to Msp.  They have everything you could possibly want -- except xtra money.  Hey, we're all clean.

Switch to the local news -- you know that Doreen and John are getting married in December -- she's moving out next Friday into their new place in New Hampshire and I am freaking out -- I can't imagine living here and not living with Doreen.  Nancy lives here now -- I don't know if you've met her -- she's going to nursing school now and studies all week long - I am going to be really lonely this year!

Sat. nite.  Hi there-- I just got back from work -- I went to type a couple hours tonite -- every little bit counts!  I stopped by at the hospital to chat with Bill, the security guard.  This is his C.O. job and I swear he's the only person in the world who reads more than you do -- a book a night is his average since all security guards do is sit there all night.  His dream is to go to the Adirondacks and write a novel.  Why do I know such weird people -- not weird, just different?  Well Paul, what are you doing right now -- 11:00 p.m. -- Sat nite -- working -- right?  I hope we all can actually carry on a conversation when you come home.  Mrs. P said to be sure and say hello -- I think she worries about you!  Now why would anybody worry about you!  Duh!  I even worry!  Take care and write -- see you soon.

October 5, 1971 (Letter from Tony)

It's about fucking time that I wrote to you.  I am really sorry that I haven't written yet.  I've started a number of letters lately and haven't finished many.

Well, let's see, since I last saw you in the beginning of August I have:  hitched to Boston.  It was good.  Hitching was remarkably quick and fun.  I saw Mike, went up to Maine for a few days (his father owns property there).  The whole thing was nice but a little too relaxing.  I saw Maddy for a day, we toured Cambridge and then went to Boston Common and Boston Garden.  They are both great.  They were shooting a scene from "That Girl" in the Commons when we were there.  Coming back I got a ride from a 50 year old engineer who owned his own company and then from 2 AWOL Navy guys who were going to Detroit to visit one of their girlfriends.  They were really cool, they kept pulling out a bottle of Scotch to celebrate every 100 miles or so.

Back in Buffalo, I spent a lot of time with Christine and a lot of time working at Sunshine House.

I've gone through a lot of changes of feelings toward Christine.  (I met her at Sunshine House.  She is an occupational therapist at the Cantalician Center and might be going to UB in Jan.)  Sometimes I feel really good being with her, sometimes I feel that I'm forcing myself.  I've only known her for a little over 2 months and we've really moved quite quickly.  The speed of the whole thing coupled with its novelty and my own insecurity have led me often to doubt what was going on.  Right now I feel pretty good about the relationship, I just have to take some sort of an activist role to keep expanding and widening it.  It was due in a large part to her that I took your room. The need for some sort of privacy (especially having my own bedroom) is much greater now than before.  Now, if we want to make love I don't have to worry about my roommates coming in.

It was really a tough decision to leave Allenhurst.  I didn't want to miss the closeness of living with 8 or 9 other people.  I really did enjoy that.  There was always someone there to talk to and people to do things with and we were important to each other.  But I figured after last year, here because Harvey and Mike Engel, who I would have been living with, were stuck way on the end, on Oxford, and they have freshman guys living next door.  Way it's a bad place.  I thank you for going and staying in Calif (that sounds stupid) how about I'm glad I got the chance to move in here.  (Better)

I enjoy my freedom a lot.  I don't have classes and as of yet I'm not working.  I have no set times for anything. It was great when school started and everyone came back.  I went around and spent a lot of time with people like Dennis, Donna, Iris, Maddy, Ralph, Elise, etc.  It was fine but they, for the most part, were slowly bummed out.  (I really learned the meaning of that phrase when Mike Kanter and I went out to Huntingdon for a day.  Boredom is the main ingredient.)  Especially Maddy and Iris; living with Dennis and Donna was tough cuz neither of them has a boyfriend and they are on LaSalle and somewhat isolated (as I am here and you were out on Tonawanda Creek.)  They are very very depressed, nothing they do excites them, they feel that they have few friends, etc.  I felt really bad because they were so depressed, and there wasn't a lot I could do.  I mean my sparkling wit and personality and my terribly creative mind can only be stretched so far.

I'm getting a little annoyed with them because neither one has come to visit me here.  It's tough adjusting from last year to now.  Before there always was time and the place to talk things over.  Now, a conscious and definitive action has to be taken to go see them.  I'm no longer an integral part of their lives, like we were all an integral part of each other's lives in Allenhurst.

Harvey is very bored and not very satisfied with his new roommates (he and Mike Engel were put in with 2 transfer students and a freshman).  He and I are still close and all and I don't feel uncomfortable at all with him, whereas with Iris and Maddy I fell very self-conscious.

There are blind steps and groping of our exile, the painting of our hunger as, remembering speechlessly, we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, a door.  Where?  When?

As you might have guessed I'm reading "Look Homeward Angel".  I've been reading it for a long, long time. No concentration and no time.  It's such a beautifully written book.

Last week I went to Colden and camped out from Tues nite to Friday.  It was fine.  I spent a lot of time walking around and just trying to catch up with myself.

The week before I rode my bike to Springville (40 miles) and nearly died of exhaustion.  I'm so out of shape, I've been playing tennis.

Sunshine House has been doing at least one fine thing of late.  We've been going to concerts, setting up a tent and operating during the concerts.  We get in free and we helped a lot of people that way.

There was a concert on Rotary Field, an all day thing and we were there.  It was pretty poor. Cactus (boo, boo, hiss) was the second featured group.  Savoy Brown was pretty good.  There was about 8 groups there, Long John Baldry and Al Kooper.  We shared a tent with the performers and got high with them.  It rained near the end of the concert.  It seemed sort of fitting.

The day before, Saturday was "Celebration" in War Memorial Stadium with the Blues Project, Taj Mahal, Sha-na-na (they were great), J. Geils, Box Scaggs, and the Paul Butterfield Blues Band.

The concert lasted from 2 till past 12.  The weather was great and so was the music.  Paul Butterfield was incredibly good.  I missed Boz Scaggs because I was in the tent.  We were much more organized at this one and did a fine job.  Also the music was much better than the last one.

Sunshine House has been pretty much a dominant force in my life for awhile now.  I try to keep a little distance just because too many people there (at least two) have made the whole thing into an ego trip and it's really messing them up and it's not helping the house.

We just got funded through Community Action Corps by the Student Association.  We got $8,500 and I'm treasurer.

October 15 we're working at the Blood Sweat and Tears concert in Kleinhans???  Who could possibly bum out for $4-$5-$6-$7, unless they would because of those prices.

Ok I shall wind it up now.  Speaking of money, I think I owe you $ for the deposit you made here.  Yes?  If so, please tell me how much and I'll send it to you in a couple of  years.  You're last phone bill was $5 so I paid Herbie cuz he paid the bill so please deduct that from what I owe you.   Okee dokee.

Well, write again if you get the chance and always remember the immortal words of a great California intellectual, they serve as a source of inspiration in times of need, "Let's shine this left over garbage on."

A couple of weekends ago there was a meeting of crisis center people from all over N.Y.  It was at Buff State and it was really good.  Afterward about 40 of us went into a dorm room and smoked and drank Southern Comfort, scotch, and 6 kinds of wine.  We were on the 4th floor and security was on the 5th so we broke up early.  The first 4 floors of hi-rise are closed to dorm students cuz of faulty construction.  Have you ever heard of Dr. Bronner's soap?  It's supposed to be peppermint flavored.

September 27, 1971 (Letter from Mardi)

Happy to find your letter in my mailbox tonight!  Thanks for such a fast response!  These Monday nights are bad and your letter was just a neato keen surprise.  Lately I feel like the "Orphan of the Storm" or something!  Ah, poor Mardi.  "That's life" I know!  Work, go to school, work, go to school -- how do people do it?

Glad to hear you'll be going back to school and that you got the $620.00.  You definitely have to stop here on you way back or I won't forgive you!

Anderson left the morning for the New England states!  Wouldn't you know he'd get to Boston before me?  He should be calling here before too long, I'm dying to see how far they got.  He went with another guy so with the both of them driving they should make good time.  Jealous?  Not much!

(9/28/1971)  Hello again!  Sorry I didn't finish that piece.  Sue Smith called me with a few greetings.  She told me to be on the look out for this guy she knew that I had met when I was home the last time.  He's suppose to be on a business trip to Minneapolis and I told him he could look me up (SURE!) so I gave him my wrong phone number and address and no name.  He wanted me to get him some hash.  This guy is "Joe Cool" if I ever saw a "Joe Cool".  He's about 42 and from Warren or something.  He's probably a nark.  What a creep!  She said Barb was going back to Boston tomorrow, so she may see Anderson after all!  The ding never did call last night.  I was really freaking out here last night about 1am.  I got really scared when I'm lying in bed!  My mind goes wild with all this crap from every horror movie I've ever seen!!!  I even moved the shelves in front of the hall door and put the living room chair in front of the living room door!  Why I'm so scared I'll never know!  I've never gotten this spastic before.  Anderson is hardly ever around anyway!  It must be psychological. So I'm a big chicken.

Well I had better close and get my tiny butt? in gear!  I've got to go and pay my telephone bill, a mere $60!!!!  Anderson was happy to say the least.  I swear that's the last of those long distance phone calls for at least 2 months.  I get all screwed up with the bill!  When I pay the bill I figure I'm all paid up and owe nothing, only to remember that there are calls on the next bill that have been made since the last bill was sent.  Duh.  Anderson and I are so budget conscious.

Take care, watch out for those "city women", dress warm, say your prayers, and watch out for bad dope -- SHITTY!

Enclosed are various paraphernalia, not to mention completely useless!  TAA DAA!

One comb for those long golden lock!

A jiffy bookmarker to find your place in any book, or newspaper!

A pack of "fast lite" matches for those hard to light roaches!

Can ther ereally be more? that anyone would want?

September 26, 1971 (Letter from Mardi)

Hello friend!  I certainly hope you're feeling ok after your little hospital visit.  I'm sure you're ok.

So, Nelson what's the deal.  You never mentioned a word about what you were planning to do!  Am I to play detective?  Since you stated you were going to open a checking account I took it you are apparently settling there!?  No school I take it?  Exactly what the fuck are you doing?

I've really been busy, classes have started and I'm really shitting my pants!  I've got some really "neato keen" classes; economics (not bad), college algebra (terrible, just terrible), management, accounting, and good old human behavior course!  I don't even think I'll be able to make it -- but I'll try and try.

So life goes on.  Anderson is going to Mexico this week sometime!  He and another guy -- I'm really jealous, but he deserves the trip, as long as he doesn't blow that much dope or get caught.  If he gets it in Mexico no one will ever see or hear from him again "my sister...."  He gets his new car tomorrow or the next day, the thing will be neat to take some trips.  It's a sporty station wagon far out.

Haven't really heard too much from anyone.  Mike is back in Warren, he was in Philly and saw his girl.  Maybe they'll be getting married.  Barb should be home now too; she told me she only "plans" to stay for two weeks.  I think she should stay longer and she may just do that anyway.  You knew Sue Smith was out there for one week (neat letter).  I haven't written too many letters so naturally I haven't gotten any.

I just wanted to get this quick letter off before this week started and I wouldn't have time!!!

Write me a few lines soon and tell me what you're doing -- so I'm a nosy bitch -- Take care.