October 8, 1971 (Letter from Barb Lucia)

I'm living in the slums again in my usual October unemployed state -- how is the ocean, sunshine and restaurant life??  Seems to be my forte -- working at the ocean -- the only time I'm ever content -- duh!  Nothing like living in fantasyland all the time.  Maybe Renee was right-- we do live in a dream world.

Anderson drove me back to Boston!  He and another guy came to Warren and stayed at Mardi's house and ate her ravioli -- she was happy, needless to say, about staying in Msp and work!  We started out for Boston one bright sunny day (last Thurs) and ended up spending the nite in Niagara Falls w/ two bombed guys on my hands -- trying to get them up to the room plus sneaking Harry in unobtrusively -- I'm there, duh, what in the hell am I doing in Niagara Falls?!

They stayed here for 2 days -- having a fantastic time w/ no refrigerator, no music, etc.  We were just putting the place together again and had no stereo or radio plus Anderson got stuck w/ getting a U-haul and going out to get our new refrigerator.  He is really nice sometimes, you know?

So here I am -- my head is completely turned around since I left here in July -- seems like 3 years not 3 months.  Since living on the Vineyard, I am so alienated from this kind of life and here I thought I had outgrown these sudden changes of heart (?)  I feel exactly as if I'm living in Warren ,Pa and can't get out!  Not that I mind living in Boston but just the day-to-day shit plus it is so ugly around her e-- I can't explain how I feel -- but yet there's no sense in moving around the goddamn county every 3 months forever -- they ought to lock me up somewhere!  Also am at a loss because it seems I have a job back at old Mass Mental but no salary because of the money freeze, state govt, etc.  Right now I am typing for a guy at Mass Men for $3/yr until this job is done, probably another week.  Hey, I do have a good job.  Enough of such shit -- I had a great 6 weeks of August/Sept -- BIG DEAL -- and now it's over ok -- what are you doing?  Duh!  Mardi and I were talking about this the other nite -- how I got to live at M. Vineyard and have fun in the sun and all that but now I have nothing and she stayed in one place and didn't get to go anywhere but she has everything she needs as far as security goes, etc. -- and we decided that no one is really getting anywhere!  As if there's somewhere to get to -- and there's Sue Smith in Warren thinking that we're so neat because we don't live there but of course we're not neat or cool or whatever -- and everyone sits around envying you because you're in California but they don't think about the hassles with money and a place to stay and no security and all that -- they don't understand that you're just living, wherever you are!  Place has little to do with it.  Although sunshine and peace can let you feel content no matter what your hassles are.  Are you having a quiet time nowadays?  If you're doing a lot of acid, etc. you're not exactly in the place I mean?  Remember my ex-old man from last year who came to Boston last October fresh from tripping his little heart out constantly in California full of love and peace, brother -- I saw him in September and he has lot all his sunshine ways I fear an dis now completely hard-core city -- screw your brother!  God, people are weird!  (Far-out, freaky, and not least of all -- groovy.)  You'll have to see what going back to Buffalo does to your head in January -- believe me, it'll be strange.  And of course, we'll see you at Christmas in Warren -- hey, something new.  Did you know that Don Corey got married last Saturday?!  Far out?  Thought I'd throw that in for old times sake -- so did Marti Graves and of course Tina and Mark -- Joan is going back to Clarion in January.  That's it for the news that makes the news.  Mardi and Bill -- that famed financial wonder -- both ran out of money at the same time -- him in Philly and her in Msp.  She had to send him his paycheck and I had to send her $10 to make it though the week -- amazing, truly amazing.  Here I sit with no car, no stereo, No TV, no car-stereo tapes, etc. sending money to Msp.  They have everything you could possibly want -- except xtra money.  Hey, we're all clean.

Switch to the local news -- you know that Doreen and John are getting married in December -- she's moving out next Friday into their new place in New Hampshire and I am freaking out -- I can't imagine living here and not living with Doreen.  Nancy lives here now -- I don't know if you've met her -- she's going to nursing school now and studies all week long - I am going to be really lonely this year!

Sat. nite.  Hi there-- I just got back from work -- I went to type a couple hours tonite -- every little bit counts!  I stopped by at the hospital to chat with Bill, the security guard.  This is his C.O. job and I swear he's the only person in the world who reads more than you do -- a book a night is his average since all security guards do is sit there all night.  His dream is to go to the Adirondacks and write a novel.  Why do I know such weird people -- not weird, just different?  Well Paul, what are you doing right now -- 11:00 p.m. -- Sat nite -- working -- right?  I hope we all can actually carry on a conversation when you come home.  Mrs. P said to be sure and say hello -- I think she worries about you!  Now why would anybody worry about you!  Duh!  I even worry!  Take care and write -- see you soon.

October 5, 1971 (Letter from Tony)

It's about fucking time that I wrote to you.  I am really sorry that I haven't written yet.  I've started a number of letters lately and haven't finished many.

Well, let's see, since I last saw you in the beginning of August I have:  hitched to Boston.  It was good.  Hitching was remarkably quick and fun.  I saw Mike, went up to Maine for a few days (his father owns property there).  The whole thing was nice but a little too relaxing.  I saw Maddy for a day, we toured Cambridge and then went to Boston Common and Boston Garden.  They are both great.  They were shooting a scene from "That Girl" in the Commons when we were there.  Coming back I got a ride from a 50 year old engineer who owned his own company and then from 2 AWOL Navy guys who were going to Detroit to visit one of their girlfriends.  They were really cool, they kept pulling out a bottle of Scotch to celebrate every 100 miles or so.

Back in Buffalo, I spent a lot of time with Christine and a lot of time working at Sunshine House.

I've gone through a lot of changes of feelings toward Christine.  (I met her at Sunshine House.  She is an occupational therapist at the Cantalician Center and might be going to UB in Jan.)  Sometimes I feel really good being with her, sometimes I feel that I'm forcing myself.  I've only known her for a little over 2 months and we've really moved quite quickly.  The speed of the whole thing coupled with its novelty and my own insecurity have led me often to doubt what was going on.  Right now I feel pretty good about the relationship, I just have to take some sort of an activist role to keep expanding and widening it.  It was due in a large part to her that I took your room. The need for some sort of privacy (especially having my own bedroom) is much greater now than before.  Now, if we want to make love I don't have to worry about my roommates coming in.

It was really a tough decision to leave Allenhurst.  I didn't want to miss the closeness of living with 8 or 9 other people.  I really did enjoy that.  There was always someone there to talk to and people to do things with and we were important to each other.  But I figured after last year, here because Harvey and Mike Engel, who I would have been living with, were stuck way on the end, on Oxford, and they have freshman guys living next door.  Way it's a bad place.  I thank you for going and staying in Calif (that sounds stupid) how about I'm glad I got the chance to move in here.  (Better)

I enjoy my freedom a lot.  I don't have classes and as of yet I'm not working.  I have no set times for anything. It was great when school started and everyone came back.  I went around and spent a lot of time with people like Dennis, Donna, Iris, Maddy, Ralph, Elise, etc.  It was fine but they, for the most part, were slowly bummed out.  (I really learned the meaning of that phrase when Mike Kanter and I went out to Huntingdon for a day.  Boredom is the main ingredient.)  Especially Maddy and Iris; living with Dennis and Donna was tough cuz neither of them has a boyfriend and they are on LaSalle and somewhat isolated (as I am here and you were out on Tonawanda Creek.)  They are very very depressed, nothing they do excites them, they feel that they have few friends, etc.  I felt really bad because they were so depressed, and there wasn't a lot I could do.  I mean my sparkling wit and personality and my terribly creative mind can only be stretched so far.

I'm getting a little annoyed with them because neither one has come to visit me here.  It's tough adjusting from last year to now.  Before there always was time and the place to talk things over.  Now, a conscious and definitive action has to be taken to go see them.  I'm no longer an integral part of their lives, like we were all an integral part of each other's lives in Allenhurst.

Harvey is very bored and not very satisfied with his new roommates (he and Mike Engel were put in with 2 transfer students and a freshman).  He and I are still close and all and I don't feel uncomfortable at all with him, whereas with Iris and Maddy I fell very self-conscious.

There are blind steps and groping of our exile, the painting of our hunger as, remembering speechlessly, we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, a door.  Where?  When?

As you might have guessed I'm reading "Look Homeward Angel".  I've been reading it for a long, long time. No concentration and no time.  It's such a beautifully written book.

Last week I went to Colden and camped out from Tues nite to Friday.  It was fine.  I spent a lot of time walking around and just trying to catch up with myself.

The week before I rode my bike to Springville (40 miles) and nearly died of exhaustion.  I'm so out of shape, I've been playing tennis.

Sunshine House has been doing at least one fine thing of late.  We've been going to concerts, setting up a tent and operating during the concerts.  We get in free and we helped a lot of people that way.

There was a concert on Rotary Field, an all day thing and we were there.  It was pretty poor. Cactus (boo, boo, hiss) was the second featured group.  Savoy Brown was pretty good.  There was about 8 groups there, Long John Baldry and Al Kooper.  We shared a tent with the performers and got high with them.  It rained near the end of the concert.  It seemed sort of fitting.

The day before, Saturday was "Celebration" in War Memorial Stadium with the Blues Project, Taj Mahal, Sha-na-na (they were great), J. Geils, Box Scaggs, and the Paul Butterfield Blues Band.

The concert lasted from 2 till past 12.  The weather was great and so was the music.  Paul Butterfield was incredibly good.  I missed Boz Scaggs because I was in the tent.  We were much more organized at this one and did a fine job.  Also the music was much better than the last one.

Sunshine House has been pretty much a dominant force in my life for awhile now.  I try to keep a little distance just because too many people there (at least two) have made the whole thing into an ego trip and it's really messing them up and it's not helping the house.

We just got funded through Community Action Corps by the Student Association.  We got $8,500 and I'm treasurer.

October 15 we're working at the Blood Sweat and Tears concert in Kleinhans???  Who could possibly bum out for $4-$5-$6-$7, unless they would because of those prices.

Ok I shall wind it up now.  Speaking of money, I think I owe you $ for the deposit you made here.  Yes?  If so, please tell me how much and I'll send it to you in a couple of  years.  You're last phone bill was $5 so I paid Herbie cuz he paid the bill so please deduct that from what I owe you.   Okee dokee.

Well, write again if you get the chance and always remember the immortal words of a great California intellectual, they serve as a source of inspiration in times of need, "Let's shine this left over garbage on."

A couple of weekends ago there was a meeting of crisis center people from all over N.Y.  It was at Buff State and it was really good.  Afterward about 40 of us went into a dorm room and smoked and drank Southern Comfort, scotch, and 6 kinds of wine.  We were on the 4th floor and security was on the 5th so we broke up early.  The first 4 floors of hi-rise are closed to dorm students cuz of faulty construction.  Have you ever heard of Dr. Bronner's soap?  It's supposed to be peppermint flavored.

September 27, 1971 (Letter from Mardi)

Happy to find your letter in my mailbox tonight!  Thanks for such a fast response!  These Monday nights are bad and your letter was just a neato keen surprise.  Lately I feel like the "Orphan of the Storm" or something!  Ah, poor Mardi.  "That's life" I know!  Work, go to school, work, go to school -- how do people do it?

Glad to hear you'll be going back to school and that you got the $620.00.  You definitely have to stop here on you way back or I won't forgive you!

Anderson left the morning for the New England states!  Wouldn't you know he'd get to Boston before me?  He should be calling here before too long, I'm dying to see how far they got.  He went with another guy so with the both of them driving they should make good time.  Jealous?  Not much!

(9/28/1971)  Hello again!  Sorry I didn't finish that piece.  Sue Smith called me with a few greetings.  She told me to be on the look out for this guy she knew that I had met when I was home the last time.  He's suppose to be on a business trip to Minneapolis and I told him he could look me up (SURE!) so I gave him my wrong phone number and address and no name.  He wanted me to get him some hash.  This guy is "Joe Cool" if I ever saw a "Joe Cool".  He's about 42 and from Warren or something.  He's probably a nark.  What a creep!  She said Barb was going back to Boston tomorrow, so she may see Anderson after all!  The ding never did call last night.  I was really freaking out here last night about 1am.  I got really scared when I'm lying in bed!  My mind goes wild with all this crap from every horror movie I've ever seen!!!  I even moved the shelves in front of the hall door and put the living room chair in front of the living room door!  Why I'm so scared I'll never know!  I've never gotten this spastic before.  Anderson is hardly ever around anyway!  It must be psychological. So I'm a big chicken.

Well I had better close and get my tiny butt? in gear!  I've got to go and pay my telephone bill, a mere $60!!!!  Anderson was happy to say the least.  I swear that's the last of those long distance phone calls for at least 2 months.  I get all screwed up with the bill!  When I pay the bill I figure I'm all paid up and owe nothing, only to remember that there are calls on the next bill that have been made since the last bill was sent.  Duh.  Anderson and I are so budget conscious.

Take care, watch out for those "city women", dress warm, say your prayers, and watch out for bad dope -- SHITTY!

Enclosed are various paraphernalia, not to mention completely useless!  TAA DAA!

One comb for those long golden lock!

A jiffy bookmarker to find your place in any book, or newspaper!

A pack of "fast lite" matches for those hard to light roaches!

Can ther ereally be more? that anyone would want?

September 26, 1971 (Letter from Mardi)

Hello friend!  I certainly hope you're feeling ok after your little hospital visit.  I'm sure you're ok.

So, Nelson what's the deal.  You never mentioned a word about what you were planning to do!  Am I to play detective?  Since you stated you were going to open a checking account I took it you are apparently settling there!?  No school I take it?  Exactly what the fuck are you doing?

I've really been busy, classes have started and I'm really shitting my pants!  I've got some really "neato keen" classes; economics (not bad), college algebra (terrible, just terrible), management, accounting, and good old human behavior course!  I don't even think I'll be able to make it -- but I'll try and try.

So life goes on.  Anderson is going to Mexico this week sometime!  He and another guy -- I'm really jealous, but he deserves the trip, as long as he doesn't blow that much dope or get caught.  If he gets it in Mexico no one will ever see or hear from him again "my sister...."  He gets his new car tomorrow or the next day, the thing will be neat to take some trips.  It's a sporty station wagon far out.

Haven't really heard too much from anyone.  Mike is back in Warren, he was in Philly and saw his girl.  Maybe they'll be getting married.  Barb should be home now too; she told me she only "plans" to stay for two weeks.  I think she should stay longer and she may just do that anyway.  You knew Sue Smith was out there for one week (neat letter).  I haven't written too many letters so naturally I haven't gotten any.

I just wanted to get this quick letter off before this week started and I wouldn't have time!!!

Write me a few lines soon and tell me what you're doing -- so I'm a nosy bitch -- Take care.

September 25, 1971 (Letter from Kenny)

Sorry I haven't written but with coming back to school and getting everything set up I really haven't have had a shitload of time, as a matter of fact all I've been doing lately has been working.

I hope you're doing ok in old sunny Laguna Beach.  Just remember the old tropical Buffalo where the temperature is expected to drop to below 50 tonite and frost.  How's the restaurant business?  I got your letter a long time ago (sorry, again) and it sounds like you really had an incredible trip out there.  

I got up to school on the nite of the 7th.  My room was a fuckin' mess but I was too tired to clean up at all.  Naturally I was almost ruined trying to sleep on my $30 mattress for 2 nites.  I came across a 3/4 bed for $30 (3/4 of a double).  It's a real good one for the price and gives me a shitload more room.  Anyhow classes started on the 9th and all of the courses I originally registered for I eventually dropped and picked up new ones.  I'm taking 3 business courses and a Soc Sci College course (Law and Repression).  I have 0 classes on Friday which is pretty good but all my courses are double periods.  I originally registered for a course in Health Phys Ed and Recreation dept called Basketball Coach with old Len Sufristini.  It was really great, 2 credits, 1 nite a week for an hour and a half.  Then the second week the fuckheads said an undergrad couldn't get credit for it because it was a grad course.  All of the people in the class (8) were phys ed teachers in Buffalo schools. Shit, you should have seen the way they looked at me when I walked in the first week.

Chris is working a few nights at Sizzle Steak.  You should see him, really funny.  He's trying to be a freak, wearing overalls and letting his hair grow into a semi-Afro.  He's a real schmuck.  Herb is working about 4 nites at the computer center and sending out applications for grad schools.  Tony is working a lot at Sunshine House, taking 4 credits of Indep Study (really killing himself, sleeping till 3PM) he's got a Polak girlfriend, Chris, who's really nice.

I'm taking the Law Boards Oct 17 and I'm shitting in my pants already.  Something tells me I'm not going to go where I want because of that asshole test.

The fuckin Dodgers are sinking slowly but I guess you hear all about that in sunny Calif., but at least Aaron is having a good year.

Tony wrote a letter to Columbia Records telling them that you moved and left no forwarding address.  I told them that you were convicted to rape and are serving 20-life in SingSing and that all future correspondence be sent to you there.

Tony had put all of your records and stuff into the basement.  I decided they'd warp down there (I'm so nice) so I brought them upstairs and have most of them in my room.  (I hope you don't mind.)  I wrote your name on all of them, (some are in Tony's room) so none should get lost.  I haven't even had a chance to play them because my stereo is very temperamental and has decided not to work.

What happened with your stereo and the insurance company?  I hope you got money for it.  Do you need any of your stuff sent to you out there?  What else is going on?  Let me know.

Oh well, enough bullshit for now, write soon and let me know what the hell you're doing.

September 18, 1971 (Letter from Ralph and Al)

Well I guess you just said to yourself I'm having a good time so fuck everything else, fuck school I'm staying where I am and I'm going to dig and I really hope you still are digging whatever you're doing and I wish you the best of luck in hoping everything goes just great for you.  (Amen)

Right now Ralph, Tom and myself are back into the old swing of school and I myself am not digging it at all but c'est la vie because I don't have the balls to do what you did you sly bastard Nelson.  Anyhow after this year no more school for this kid for awhile.  Maybe a return to Europe which was really a fine trip.

Just to make you feel a little bit nostalgic, I'll describe a few bits about good old Buffalo.  Our apartment is cheap but the landlord sucks and he lives downstairs.  The other day the old buzzard came up and tacked a list of rules on the kitchen wall including no girls overnight then he told us no stereo after 9:00pm and no "niggers": over.  Too fucked up.  School's still the same I don't think it changed a bit since last year.  We found a way to call anywhere in the country for free so send me your phone number if you have one.  Anyhow send me a letter because I'd like to find out if you get this letter and I'd like to hear form you.  If you forget the address is 251 Jewett Avenue.

I'm still a vegetarian freak and Ralph I think is heading that way too.  I still haven't indulged in the evil weed although it might become necessary soon.  I might also proudly say that I haven touched a cigarette either.

What else?  Perhaps a word of advice and wisdom from the great seer and prophet mystical fucked up yogi maharishi, me.  As you ramble through life brother whatever maybe your goal keep your eye upon the donut and not upon the hold, but don't take that too seriously for the donut maybe stale and the hole nice and sweet.  A little abstract thought I felt like adding.  You know symbolic philosophy and anyhow I thought it sounded good.

And now a word from Ralph.

Greetings!  Blind Faith on the grammophone, right now.  Marmul and I sitting around doing next to nothing cause ain't got no car to split for Poverty Hill - remember that tract of land that Student Assn. bought south of here.  Had a good summer at Chautauqua -- good people, good times, and good payola.  In room $ something in 4230 Ridge Lea, there's some dude named Doctor Ono.   You'll never guess his real name.  No hit.  Dr Ono is alive and well in Buffalo.  Was able to register for photography for non-art majors -- I'm finally excited about a course -- after 4 years.  If this weren't' my last year, I would have packed in school.  The two weeks between the end of my summer job and the first day of classes were really soul-searching.  I actually came close to thumbing out West or flying east to Europe. Buffalo's the same old shithole -- just as easy to get into a rut, altho I'm confident that I'll be able to avoid that predicament.  Photography should help -- I have enough equipment to set up a darkroom her e-- so once I learn enough in the course, I'll have a very enjoyable pursuit to keep me going.  I'm really looking forward to it.  Seeing old friends this year has been good.  Many people have changed over the summer but I guess that's only normal.  My summer had the effect on me of making me blase and nonchalant and non-caring about even more, pretty things -- a lot of my uptightness has diminished and disappeared.  Runnin' lo on paper.  Tom isn't here right now (he's in Batavia), but he'll drop you a line soon.  Keep in touch.

September 9, 1971 (Letter from Barb Lucia)

Howdy -- you fucker!  What in the hell are you doing????  Don't you know that living at the beach is all a fantasy -- life that's only good for a little while -- believe me I know and don't I know that's why I'm the dud I am now!  So hep me Nelson, if you do what I did I'll kill you!  I feel like it's my kid or something...really, "what are you going to do?" -- GIANT QUOTES around that question.  When I first heard you were in California I was home -- in Warren Pa 16365 -- I went home for a week -- my mother had an operation -- she has cancer and they had to remove her breast -- it was really heavy for them, so I had to go home for the week.  So I casually call up your house to see where you're living in Buffalo -- I'm there -- California??  Then Mardi tells me you're staying there.  Well, what can I say?  Paul -- how can you, of all people, quit school?  You are the original enjoyer of school --I've never known anyone to enjoy it and get more out of it than you do -- when I quit I knew it would be a wasted  year for me to go on, but for you I don't see it that way.  Anyway, maybe I'm worrying all for naught -- why don't you write and tell me -- I'll only be here on the island till Sunday, then back to Boston and home for a few weeks to help my mother out.  So write to me at home -- OK?

The summer here ended as suddenly as if someone shut it down for the season.   Labor Day was everyone's last day at work and boom -- everything closed and everyone went back to where they came from.  Now the roads are deserted and we are just wondering what to do with the days until we go.  It's like country time -- we have gone through changes in our house lately -- Woodstock II has arrived -- everyone wanting just a place to be and music to listen too -- our house is it.  I can't explain the latest hassles but I will when I see you.  Why in hell can't people get along -- even people that you like you can't get along with anymore.  People are such fucking assholes to each other -- our time here-- I mean on the island -- is so short -- why can't we be generous.  Shit.  Time anywhere is fucking short -- it always seems that it will last forever until all at once you're remembering it.  Mardi told me she was coming here and then I got a letter that she's not and guess why -- no $$$.  Now what the hell kind of fucking excuse is that but with Mardi and Bill it's true.  So I didn't answer to call -- so she called me last night and we talked about all this shit.  There were 10 million people here-- 5 million of whom no one in the house knew and I couldn't talk really freely on the phone -- it's so rare you get to talk freely now-a-days -- it used to be you did it very day of your life!  Everyone's grown up!  I'm also running out of paper -- what am I babbling about?  Hey, I got a letter from Joan today.  Her life is like a fucking soap opera -- she moved on on Freddy -- she said she got drunk and tried to kill him (?) -- but they're together now and all is well.  Did you get all that?  She is also going back to Clarion in January and the government is paying for it.  If that marriage makes it, it will be all Joan's doing -- I hope she can do it!  And Mardi and Bill are not making it together either -- God, the whole thing just sucks -- people are just determined to fuck everything up.  But Mardi's staying tho -- working and going to school at night again this year.  Where the hell does she have to go?  If I didn't go back to Boston where the hell would I go?  I was thinking today -- up on the top of the back field behind our house -- why can't we all be back where we were 2 or 3 years ago, only be what we are now -- just have our new selves there-- I had it all figured out anyway.  I went out in the field w/ Harry to get away from PEOPLE -- I swear I'm going to be a hermit in another year or so -- so I hope I see you before then so I can talk to you.

I saw Mike when he was home -- he's applying to the Peace Corps for next year -- duh!  And Tina and Mark are just about goners -- they're both hitched by now.  So what else is new -- no new lights in my horizon -- for once in 3 years -- everything seems planned out and all I have to do is follow it all through.  I'm going home for a while -- then back to Boston to old Calumet St. and the old job at Mass Mental.  And every fall I'm usually freaking out wondering what to do -- it all seems so dull this way -- maybe something will come up and fuck me up -- if I'm lucky.  You know my Boston address -- right?  It'll be me and Doreen and Nancy and -- get this -- Doreen and John are getting married -- that's too much in itself -- and planning to live with us in the same place when they do.  Shades of Apt 203, Lake Street!  Oh we are just so unconventional aren't we?  Now I am going to end all this -- just write soon.  Take care Paul -- I hate to say it, but I will (see you at Christmas) SHIT!