February 8, 1975 (Letter from Barb L)

How long have I been here anyway?  This is the first installment from Warren since Christmas -- I can't believe my gross neglect of just about all correspondence, including my journal.  It was good to hear from you again.  When you described your yearning for the road again, I felt a wince of recognition -- the spell comes over me frequently, but I never see myself as I used to be.  I feel that my desire is to recreate my spiritual state at that time, as exemplified by my mobility then.  As things are now, I don't know how to express that yearning for freedom in an age (?) appropriate manner.  I was talking to Mardi about this last Thursday (while Martin was out bowling) and she commented that these feelings are no longer in her life at all and she never thinks of them. The thrust of her statement was that she's a completely satisfied person, now that she has a job that she likes again.  This was the 2nd time that we've "talked" in 3 months, and it didn't do anything to bridge the tremendous gulf between us.  The only rapport we seem to have is talking about feelings in the past -- it's uncanny.  She has taken on many of Martin's attitudes and seems quite content with them.  I just don't know how to talk about it -- it seems so weird to me! No matter how she puts out the story that she's happy, there's no sparkle in her as there always was before -- I don't know, I can't put  my finger on it.  Since we both started working I don't see her anyway -- I call her once in a while and say hello -- in between social engagements.

Yes, I got a job.  Have worked for 1 weeks for low, low money   Am working for ANC Enterprises on Conewango Ave -- a sheltered workshop for retarded and handicapped adults.  This guy and I were hired as aides.  I'm supposed to be teaching arts and crafts, but since I don't know beans about arts and crafts I'm learning along with them.  We had both registered at CETA -- the federal manpower thing and were placed there.  I don't  know if I'm enthusiastic about it or not -- some days I like it and some I wonder what I'm doing there!  Much time is needed to form a relationship to each of the people because there' such a diversity -- some have IQ's below 70, some are crippled w/ brain damage, some are recently discharged State Hospital patients, most are on medication, too.  I think my role as aide is the problem, because I have no real responsibility and can't make any policy, even as far as what we're going to do for an afternoon.  After my job at Children's I'm used to taking responsibility and being independent.  Other than that aspect, I like what I'm doing although what I really wanted was to work with children, as opposed to mental-age children!  It seems that I never have a chance in this area (Warren) to do what I want to do.  People seem to be more rigid in their hiring, being more impressed w/ a B.A. from Edinboro than with much (or any) relevant experience or aptitude.  I'm going through the usual culture shock of living there.  Everytime I'm here I look at the whole scene a little differently -- I always sense a certain shallowness in attitudes that I don't  find among even the neighborhood people in Boston.  They have a certain knowledge and toughness that there is not evidence of here.  I can look at myself and acknowledge my own attitudes when I first left school and went to Mass and they seemed to be based on a pretty shaky foundation.  I would not want to bring up a family in Warren. Smalltown life may be more stifling mentality than city life for kids.  Duh -- who knows.

Now that I have a job I don't know how I'm going to pull off this travelling to Montana, but never fear, I will think of something.  What I'm thinking of it coming out and staying for a month or so -- I'd have to sell my car, if it lasts still spring that is!  It barely makes it around Warren.  Brakes just went on it again so I've been carless all week.  Just had a whole bunch of work done a few weeks ago to get my PA inspection.  shit, nothing hash worked out in an easy way.  When I really wanted to come out in August I could have done it but I felt too responsible to my job and couldn't gracefully get out of it till late October.  I felt a commitment both to the kids and to the staff.  I wished that I could have stayed there but still left Boston.  Boy am I confused!  Meanwhile, Rick is still calling me -- shades of 2 years ago.  As usual, he wants me to come back and then of course we could be happy in some fairy tale.  He doesn't  even have an inkling that he is reaching back to about a 6 month period three years ago and labeling it "happiness".  I could never be that person again.  What bums me out is that since then I have failed to encounter a man who I want to have a close relationship with.  It's incredible -- after all these recent years of hordes of people passing through, everyone seems to be permanently placed in a slot.  Where did the people our age go?  Are they all married with families or what?  Did you know that I turned 26 last month?  Ye gods -- I have a nagging sensation that I should be carving out a career for myself and making house payments instead of watching the sunset and lighting up to Dave Mason!  I think "dissonance" is the descriptive term.  One nite in Jan, Timmy and Rita and Rita's brother, Peter and I went out -- went to the Drafthouse, played pool, etc. -- then went over to Jon Thorton's house (another brother -- who is working here at Legal Services) and listened to "our time" records -- when we heard "Truckin" we all looked at each other.  It was like alma mater, in comparison to the gray reality that is today.  Have we all outgrown our ideas or has everything changed around us silently?  Did you know that Warren has its own little counterculture?  I keep running into these stray people -- this long-haired guy whose here setting up a half-way house (fresh from Boston!), the lawyer at Legal Services (another freak fresh from B.U.!), the guy running CETA (ditto) -- there are more -- I don't know why these people end up in Warren, Pa but here we all are.  First I deal w/ this group and w/ the clients at work, then I may go up to Timmy's and get stoned in Scandia, then I walk into Mardi's and Marti's and it's a different world, what can I say -- do your thing, man!



I went down to Meadville to see Joan 2 weekends ago -- was very curious as to how she was getting along.  Her divorce proceedings are almost over and she'll be free again, free again.  I was honestly impressed w/ the Unity Center as far as their day-care program goes -- it's one of the best I've seen.  Joan is extremely busy and is working at her job 24 hours a day, which she should cut down on, but what's important is that she needs this commitment now so let it be.  She has a apt upstairs from Freddie's sister and her husband and baby, -- there 2 are real nice people, completely opposite from Freddie.  They're poor of course, but graceful and friendly.  I felt that Joan was doing the best I've seen her in 4 years.  The old wheel keeps a-turnin' for us all.

So -- so much for me, you, Mardi, and Joan.  We're all in our usual places I guess -- Joan's committed, Mardi's secure, I'm learning, and you're independent.  Think of the confusion if we decided to switch roles, which if we were really free, we'd be able to do at will.  "Conscious labor and intentional suffering" -- that's Gurdjieff.  Get ahold of his books if you feel like stretching your mind out to nowhere   Meetings w/ Remarkable Men and Beelzebub's Tales to his Grandson are the ones that are most readily available.   I used to read him on the subway last year -- talk about splitting your worlds!  I admit at the closing that I miss Beantown, only because it's winter and that's the time to be there if you're going to be there at all and I do miss the music -- live, on radio, records, etc.  This is a desert for music.  I did hook up my radio to the TV cable so once in awhile I get Buffalo and Erie.  But they can't compare to CAS in Cambridge, my favorite station of all time. Warren FM has hit an all-time low -- now it's the "piped-in music" genre -- gross.  But Leroy Schneck likes it so what can I say?  I will now head on downstairs to watch the late show -- this is a groovy Saturday night alright.  I really wish you were here, Paul for you unsurpassed companionship, camaraderie and all that.  I would take Harry out with me, but they won't let her in the movies    Isn't that narrow of them?  They did on the Vineyard!  They had this two-bit theater in Vineyard Haven complete w/wooden chairs and a home-movie screen and I took Harry once. She enjoyed it immensely.

Well, take care and remember Frank Zappa's immortal tune -- "Going to Montana soon, going to be a dental floss tycoon.."

P.S.  My brother Danny has switched from a Ph.D. program in Amer Studies to -- guess what -- Library Science (M.A.)  There's your replacement in Deer Lodge in bout a year and a half.  (long time!)

February 7, 1975 (Letter from Grayce)

This is the closest I could get to Sweden.  I just don't like to see such nice pictures go to waste and we get so many of them at the library.  Be prepared!  You just never know what may turn up next....

I think I have reached (although I never thought it possible) a new level of boredom.  I am sick, again!  I don't understand it, at all.  I usually get sick once a year, right before Xmas and I've already done that this year.

Brook was very sick at New Year's and I was rather pleased with myself that I never got what he had -- until now, anyway.  I have exactly the same symptoms and they have appeared in exactly the same sequence.  We figure that this bug must have a month of more incubation time.

On Wednesday, I got up early and went to the bank and all of a sudden when I got home I felt terrible but I was still going to work.  But by 2:30 when I started to get ready, I knew I would never make it up the hill.  So I called in sick and I've been in bed ever since.  On Wednesday night I had a very high fever (102) and had terrible dreams.  I can't remember them but I remember that they were frightening.  Now the fever is gone, but my throat is really raw and I have a cough.

I've read 2 books (long ones) and I'm being subjected to daytime TV (yech!)  Pgh doesn't show old movies in the afternoons the way Philly does.  So I watched "Rolling for Dollars", "Hollywood Squares" and the 12 o'clock news (a little bit of reality, you understand).

Now "Split Second" is on -- it's not so bad because the questions are pretty interesting.  Of course, the commercial are great.  I've just been told how to cope with "The Naked Hamburger". Actually, all of this would not be so bad, if only I felt like doing something.  I just have no energy or strength.

I think on the news last night that it was -11 in Montana.  A warm spell, huh?

9 February 1975 - Well, here I am, again!  I feel much better today.  Yesterday I thought I would go mad.  It was Saturday and the first day I didn't feel like death warmed over and Brook was home to keep me company and things were starting to look up.  (For awhile, anyway!)  Brook and I decided to play Scrabble.  (This is one of the few games I am really competitive about.)  Now, Brook doesn't like "words" in the same way that I don't like "numbers" so it involves considerable sacrifice for him to play Scrabble.  But he's very good at it (he plays "strategically" if you can believe that!) and I really have to think hard to keep up with him.  Anyway, w hen Brook got a 64! point word yesterday!!!I got so excited I tried to jump up and being in a semi-lotus pose I pulled a muscle in my side.  I really saw stars.  I couldn't stand up straight for almost an hour.  Actually,l this wasn't very funny,  but it seemed so hysterical at the time.  I seem to be ok now (knock wood).  I've just never had so many things wrong with me at one time.  I'm such a klutz!  Brook said I have to be the only person on earth to hurt herself playing Scrabble.

10 February - I guess this is another bits and pieces effort.  It's really cold (for here).  I don't know firsthand since I can't go out, but on the news they said that parts of western Pa had -20 weather last night.  It was only -3 in Pgh -- but that's not too common here, either.

I haven't been to GSLIS since before Christmas.  I hope Kate isn't really bad.  I'll call her today. She's awfully hard to reach by phone, though.

You dream sounds pretty scary.  My grandmother says when you have a dream about death it means good luck!  And if you dream about a baby then death is involved.  I don't know. My grandmother definitely is psychic.  This is just one instance.  When I was in a car accident, she was at this resort at the shore she goes to for a month each year.  There is no phone and no one called her because she didn't know and they didn't want her to worry.  The next morning she was at Bryn Mawr hospital to see me!  (Bryn Mawr is near Villanova and at least 15 miles from where my parents live and even if she knew I was in a hospital, she would never know which one. When I told my parents she had come, they were astounded!  When I asked her how she knew, she just smiled her queer little smile and said "I knew">  Whew!  My father said she almost always knew everything when they were little, too.  Remind me sometime to tell you about her silverware set.

I think your philosophy of work is great.  I mean, why should a fight increase someone's sentence when if they had a scuffle on the street someone would just break it up and everyone would go home and no trouble  right?  Don't worry -- who would I tell?

How is Sue?  What's she doing? Wasn't Forsman's contract dropped?  That's the only thing I heard.  I never really cared anyway.  I think Forsman has more problems than someone who is trying to "change things" should have.

Well -- another letter.  By the way, I get home around 11:00 on Wednesday nighits.

P.S.  I finally broke down and bought a loom!  I'm so excited I can hardly see straight!  It's small (20") and it's primitive but it was dirt cheap ($20).  Spendo the magnificent lives!

February 6, 1975 (Letter from Mrs. Peroski)

Thank you for the nice letter.  Sorry I'm late.  We all have been very busy.

My Mardi is now working at Warren Nat'l Bank in the trust dept and the new store.

What do you think of our little boy?  Isn't he something else.  He sure looks undernourished.  Don't you think.  I just love him.  He is a very good baby.

Whenever you get back home things are sure going to look so different to you.  By the by Barb L. is back home for good.  You probably know this.  Take good care.  Think of you and Mike always.  Write.

February 3, 1975 (Letter from Renee)

Wow!  I can't believe you answered my letter so quickly.  Things must be pretty quiet out there in Montana.  Needless to say, I was very pleased to hear from you so soon.  I did promise you a "second installment" on my last letter, and, for a change (a big change) I'm sticking to my promises!

Last week I stayed home for 3 days with a really bad cold and practically drove myself crazy.  I read three books and a million magazines and I refused to turn on the TV cause I hate most of what is on during the daytime anyhow.  I read Plain Speaking, the oral biography of Harry Truman, which was interesting, informative, and fast reading.  I never really knew much about him and decided it was about time, so I picked up the book at the local book store, where I usually spend a fortune every week.  I also read Across Five Aprils which is an adolescent novel about the Civil War.  The only reason I read it is that I am currently teaching Huck Finn and thought that the background of Across Five Aprils might provide some interesting insights -- which it didn't cause I really thought the book was kind of dull.  My head might also have been somewhat clogged at the time -- so I really can't say for sure.  I started a third book which was a weird autobiography about the life of Lillian Hellman who is a famous author and playwright.  It was a bore -- so I kind of struck out.  Well, Mr. LIBRARIAN, now that I've wasted my money on all sorts of junky books, can you suggest anything that might be of interest to me in the literary line.  I respect your taste and judgement when it comes to books -- so in your next letter to me how about firing away a couple of your personal book reviews for me please?

I was supposed to go to my piano lesson tonight but half of Columbus must be down with the flu and my instructor cancelled -- thank God!  Instead, I did some much neglected housework, and am working on a huge stack of dirty laundry that is crying for attention.  This flu business is really at its peak around here and half our staff and students are out with it.  The weather is simply frustrating cause one day it's 60 and the next day it is 20.  They cut down the heat in our school building this week -- which really makes it kind of crisp in the classroom for all of us.  I'd rather have a cool classroom than a hot and drowsy one.

Morrey and I had a most enjoyable weekend this last weekend.  We didn't do anything we didn't want to do and we definitely didn't have any company -- which is really a pleasure for a change.  I guess we go in spurts where we're always entertaining, and then I kind of get tired of people and want to be left entirely alone for long periods of time.  Frankly, sometimes I get kind of tired of the same old people all the time, and I"m trying very hard to break away from the mold that Morrey and I have fallen into socially for the last 2 years.  We had an absolutely crazy fondue party last weekend and it took me 1 day to put everything together and 3 days to clean it up afterward.  For our evening's entertainment Morry and I borrowed a projector from school and showed old silent funny films.  We also showed a film on "Why Man Creates" which I've seen several times, and each time I get more and more out of it.  It was an interesting evening for us and our guests (I hope) but I'm done entertaining for at least another week (?) ha ha!

Last night Morrey and I had a super evening.  We went to a concert given by the pianist (humorist) Victor Borge and we laughed until the tears came!  It really was a fun type of evening for us, the only drawback what that we got home at 12 and I had to get up at 6am.  During the working week I'm usually in bed by 9 or 10, so that was really LATE for me.

I told Morrey tonight that come June 11th when school is out I am willing to hop in the car and head West with no pre-planning and no reservations.  I am really in the mood these days to break out of the routine of every day life.  I guess school is really getting to be a hassle for me lately cause there is very little change in the routine.  I really wish that for once in my life I could be a completely free spirit and do anything I want cause I'm so tired of responsibilities and routines and schedules, and always have to "plan" for things and to do "things".  I guess I'm just going through a stage these days, but I do feel kind of restless and tired of the "mold".  I know it is not unusual for people to feel the way I do -- but I'm getting itchy to do something new and different.  I guess I want my cake and ice cream too.  I really enjoy the security of a comfortable home, a happy marriage, and all the social trappings, but I kind of yearn to break out and do all the crazy things I've never done before.  Yuk -- none of what I said makes much sense now that I read it over-- but I guess I'm just thinking on paper.

Your last letter was the most unusual I have received to date.  You seemed to be in a most reflective mood -- and I must say in all honesty you didn't seem to be too chipper.  Are you happy Paul?

Do you get any kind of vacation this year?  If so, what are your plans?  If you decide to come East would you please seriously consider stopping here in Columbus for a visit with us?

Well, it happened again -- I just got all pooped out and tired and I've got to get back to my laundry duty.  I'll try to write again soon if you do too.  Be well and take care Paul.

February 3, 1975 (Letter from Barb N)

Hello.  I just got your letter today and I thought I would write back to you.

Mary has been making some wall hangings that have turned out real nice.  She has found pieces of driftwood and varnished them, then she macrames with rope.  She takes a piece of driftwood about three feet long and as large round as she desires.  Then she puts a few coats of varnish for gloss and protection.  She buys regular rope (it has the texture of straw).  Her first wall-hanging was more bulky because she macramed without separating the rope whereas she separated the rope and made a smaller design on her second wall hanging   You would tie the rope in a cesure knot all the way across of each individual rope.  Then you start macramaing with a pattern you desire to use.  She adds beads or you can come up with almost any idea.  It's really simple to learn how to do and fast depending on how long you want your wallhanging.  You cold even dye the rope in different colors.  They would make a nice gift or you could sell them. I want to try to make a wallhanging but I have been busy knitting.  I should start sewing soon.    I have the materials but lack the ambition.

I put in a request (  ) for duty in Iceland.  I was going to wait until this summer to go to Iceland, but I want to see if I can get it in a few months.  I have talked to a few people who are and have been stationed in Iceland.  They really enjoy it there.  Harry (I met him here.  He is going to school but goes back to Iceland Thursday) has told me a lot about it there.  He is a really funny person.  So I'm sure he will show me around.  I want to go so bad!  I'm really excited about getting transferred there.  Maybe them I'll get a chance to go to Sweden.

The time in the Navy has gone by pretty fast.  I wouldn't want to get out of the Navy yet.  I figure once I get to Iceland and out I'll have a y ear and a half left and that will go real fast.  I'll be able to save a lot more money up in Iceland than in Norfolk.  It would be a good experience for me.

Don't have much more to say at t his moment.  Just thought I'd write and give you a suggestion of a hobby.

January 29, 1975 (Letter from Barb N)

Live version of title cut from the January 1975 release Sunday's Child

Hello.  I'm sitting here with nothing to do so I thought I'd drop you a line.  How is everything going for you?

The weather here has been beautiful for the past few days.  We are getting a warm front from up north so it will bring the temp down in the 50's.  (maybe even lower)  But the weather has been surprisingly nice for January.

If you start thinking about all the signs in the Bible about the end of the world you can detect them happening now.  It's something to think about.  It's quite a controversial subject without any answers.  Who is right?  Maybe God does exist...maybe he doesn't.  It's matter of faith.  I had a long talk with Larry at Christmas about his beliefs.  He felt better because he could express to me all of his thoughts   I don't know what to believe.  I'll have to form my faith through my experiences. God's plan was to give us hope of a better place than the evil world.  No matter how hard we try to improve the world the other side is  trying just as hard to corrupt it.

I like my job at the Master Chiefs office, but I just stuck my foot in my mouth.  I wanted to talk to my OS detailer so the Master Chief asked me if I wanted to change over to Yeoman and I told him no.  So now I might get transferred back to LP-1.  I really hope not.  I didn't care to work there.  I went to see my detailer and he was at another part of the base so I couldn't talk to him.  I want to transfer to Iceland this summer.

I have been talking to some people who have been to Iceland and they enjoyed it.  I would like to move around in the Navy.  That's one of the reasons why I joined.  I will be here in Norfolk a year this June and that is long enough for me.  At first I wanted to stay here this summer and go to Va. Beach a lot and just live it up.  I'd probably waste more money going to bars, etc. etc.  I'd be looking for something that wasn't there.  I also had made plans with a few friends to go more places, but I'm sure a lot of it is hot air.

31 Jan -- Hello again.  I'll finish your letter and I am going to start another letter to Dale.  I wrote him a long letter hoping to influence him in some way.  At this stage in life I believe Dale needs someone to guide him instead of hassle him.  Give him comfort instead of tell him he's a fool.  Dale still needs to discipline himself, but we shouldn't turn him off.  Dale is a good boy and a professing young man but he needs to snap out of it.I had a date last night for the first time in awhile.  John is a pretty nice guy.  We went out to dinner at a Ramada Inn and went to a club afterwards.  I don't care to go to fancy restaurants to eat.  I don't  like to put on an act just to eat dinner. Anyways...homecooked food is better.  But Norfolk probably has the worst selection of restaurants.

I started my knitting again.  I am knitting a lavender sweater.  It is a lacey pattern more or less a sweater for spring.  I almost have the back finished.  I bought some yarn for Larry and I am going to knit him a regular button style sweater. I want to make all my Xmas presents this year so I"ll start early.  (Really early if I expect to make something for everybody.)

I've been writing to Mom and Dad more regularly.  Mom wrote back a letter saying she appreciated hearing from me so regularly.

I haven't heard from you in awhile?  How do you like your yogurt maker?  I wanted to get you some sort of present for Xmas because money to me is so impersonal.  I didn't want  you to feel bad sitting out there in the middle of nowhere getting money from your sister for Xmas.

I should write a letter to Ed and Gen, and Edna.  I imagine they would enjoy hearing form me.

Well I'll end here for now.

January 27, 1975 (Letter from Sue)

At long last, here is my long-overdue letter.  (And the book -- give me you reactions -- I'm curious whether a non-Montrealer will receive the same impact as did I.)

Well, things are never boring here.  Just after New Years, our part was ransacked -- the thief made away w/ my Pentax, which is about the only possession we have, anyway, and Bart's immigration papers.  Happy New Year.  Too bad -- I was just beginning to get into photog.  But thems' the breaks, I guess.

Still don't know about the job.  I have an appt w/ Immigration on Thurs. and will find out then.  The whole thing bores me stiff by now.  But I will persevere!  (for awhile anyway.)

I have been seeing a lot of "flicks" lately.  One of the universities very near to us has an excellent film program -- 75 cents too.  They've had a D. W. Griffith retrospective (in honor of D.W.'s 100th) -- it was very interesting as I've never seen any of his stuff.  Missed the biggies, Birth of a Nation and Intolerance  but saw Orphans of the Storm, complete with a very lovely Lillian Gish as well as a "pussy-footing Robespierre"!  Griffith's montage effects -- the "Griffith sequence" or whatever it's called, are very effective -- lot of suspense.

Yesterday there was a Stan Brakhage festival -- with Stan himself in person.  Fortunately, he was there, or I probably wouldn't have understood a quarter of what he is trying to do (in terms of "document" art, capturing all aspects of "sight").  He is a very unassuming guy, very unpretentious, wit a very kind and articulate manner.  I remember that Immorth told me he lived (?) with him awhile when Brakhage was in Pittsburgh.  (Surely you know of his famous "Pittsburgh Trilogy!"  I didn't, before yesterday!)  What do you know, and what is your opinion, of Brakhage?  I've always heard of him as an important underground filmmaker, but till yesterday knew nada.

Also saw Godfather II which provokes mixed feelings.  Think what Coppola is trying to show in terms of degeneration and power corruption is excellent, but story line and motivation need to be tightened up.  Saw the Emigrants and The New Land (together on a double bill -- quite a viewing feat) just after God. II and it provides an interesting contrast of 2 different periods of immigration as well as 2 different types (rural vs. urban settlement).  I'm sure you've seen them -- what's your opinion?  The other film I've seen recently is Fellini's Amarcord which I liked, with reservations -- it's a little too broad-humored (pun intended) for my taste (pun not intended!)  Maybe it's my Puritan background, but big-breasted women don't make me fall off my chair with laughter!

Now that I've gloated over all the "cinema" available in this cultural center -- what are you up to?  It must be Coldsvilles, U.S.A. in Deer Lodge.  (It has been -15 here!)  Unthinkable!  How is the job -- still freeform?  Hope so -- I know how rebellious you'd become if your freedom were curtailed, and I'd hate to hear you were incarcerated for insubordination!  Didn't you tell me they have Wed. night movies at the prison?  What sort of films?

Has your friend from Boston come to brighten your days and nights.  If so, how are things working out?  I'm sure your heart is going pitty-pat at the sight of an Eastern face again!

Got a letter from Wendell a few weeks ago -- he told me "Forsman left under a cloud".  How intriguing!  I am simply consumed with curiosity!!  He also told me, sadly, that Lancour and Kolish have both had health problems recently.  I guess Lancour had a mild heart attack and Dr. Kolish must be having more of the same problems she had before.

Oh -- I spent a week in NYC at N.Y. Eve time.  Hard-hearted that I am, I left Bart in Montreal as he was sick and had a lot of studying to do.  But I had a simply gala time!  I stayed with Anne (you've met her_ -- who is just back from 7 months in France *and having some problems of readjustment, bien sur).  New York is such an infinite sort of place, don't you think?  Just everything, good and evil, is there.  I fell in love with Little Italy.  It seemed so authentically ethnic -- also very reminiscent of part of North Beach in S.F.  I wouldn't mind living there, should I decided to try to get my bite of the Big Apple.

Apropos of which, I received a letter recently from Elaine -- she hadn't written before as she'd really had a truckload of problems.  Her husband had had some sort of enlarged lymph nodes and they were very worried -- the tests, etc. were dragged out for months, but everything turned out OK as the growths were benign.  What a relief -- I hate to think of Elaine under such psychological pressure -- as we've agreed (you and I) so many times, she is such a tip-top sort of woman.

Anyway -- she sent me a bunch of addresses of library director friends of hers in various Long Island locales -- so if I do decide to return stateside, there will be a lead.

I'm enclosing a clipping re the origins of Halloween which you were grumbling about in your last letter.   (My God -- Halloween -- it's only 3 months ago -- I am a procrastinator!)

Well, shall warp this up for this time.  Write soon -- letters are the boon of my existence.  Hope the hot and cold water faucet of your life (your analogy) maintains an even temperature (but what would you do if, as in our apt bldg, they shut the hot water off?  Hmmmmm?!)

P.S.  Thanks again for you Noel phone call -- it was a bright addition to the holiday season!

January 27, 1975 (Letter from Grayce)

Enclosed, pleased find 7 (1-cent) stamps which you have received as a prize for out-witting the U.S. Postal Service!  (Actually, only 6, since one was partially canceled out and I did not notice it until now.)  I suggest Elmer's glue for these, or clear rubber cement.  Notice -- there is a $300 fine for doing this (I doubt that it's ever been enforced, though.)

Enclosed, also, please find a sweet little bird which made me think of you, Tweet.  I just loved the muted tones and colors and thought you might, too.  Sorry I had to fold him up, but if you want, you can iron him (very lightly).

The idea of talking to you seems a very exciting prospect but I must, in good conscience  dissuade you from such an un-Spartan-like use of your sheckels!  Now that my conscience has been assuaged... Actually, I'm afraid to have you spend all that money money when I will not have anything worthwhile to say.  (like last time!)

Someone's on the phone..excuse...It was Brook's mom.  She wants me to go with her to the bank and deposit $50 in our savings account so she can get another free silverware serving.  So, first I have to get a $50 check cashed.  Myeer!  I'll be back in about 2 hrs.

Hello, again!  Here I am, back from my jaunt.

Anyhow -- if you do decide to call, I suppose you should know when I won't be home.  So these are my hours.  I work every other weekend (Sat 9-4 and Sun 1-10) and on these days am away from home (Sat 7:30-6:00, Sunday 11:15 to 11:00).  On weekends when I work, I have the Friday and Monday around them off.  I work every Tues, Wed, and Thurs.  My Thurs hours are the same as when I work on Saturdays and on Tues I work from 1-10 (out from 11:15 to 11:00) on Wednesday (praise the Lord!) I don't have to be in until 3:40 so I leave at 3 o'clock.

Now that you have absolutely no idea of what I'm talking about, I suppose I'll stop.  Out of this entire nonsense paragraph, I feel that since you are off on Wed that would be a good day to call. Let me know if and when you decide to so I will be here and not at Murphy's or something.

I agree with you about being able to concentrate on things that you want to happen.  It seems just a matter of mind and will.  I have done that a few times, but I usually do it only for things that I feel are extremely important -- i.e., will affect my life completely -- all facets.  Maybe you'll think I'm crazy, but I feel that this type of relationship between mind and will is one of the rep-requisites for gaining perfection in prayer.  I never could believe that if God were God as we know Him -- that this all-perfect force in the Universe, could be used as a pawn merely by our imperfect and feeble intercessions.  What a disappointment I would feel if He were like that!

Rather, I feel that He (if a force can be personal) "wants" us to meditate in order to direct all of our potential energy towards what we need to become.  Our concentration in such matters serves to motivate us -- even if only in attitude and expectancy -- to do that which we want.  I believe in man's total free will but of course, since I also believe in fate, I think that the "love" of this force guides us into situations where we can be most useful.  And, if we don't make the best of them, then we are unhappy within ourselves.  I know that there are many external causes of unhappiness but I attribute them to a lack in others, which is re-directed back to the people around then, i.e., someones hates an ex-con because he fears him.  This fear produces the hate because the person lacks -- not only an assurance within himself that someone guides the Universe (for better or worse) and maybe puts him here for a reason but he also lacks the will and the spiritual resources to cope with a situation which may be difficult for anyone, but especially difficult for the person of impoverished ideas.  He lacks every desire to take up his responsibility for the rest of men and if the whole of mankind doesn't cooperate in this enterprise -- the eternal unhappiness increases in proportion to the decrease of men willing to be truly free and responsible.  The internal happiness or unhappiness we feel, then is inherently attached to the external and one must always affect the other in some respect.  -(depending on how much the person wishes to admit that they are connected).  Most people won't.  They think they are separate and can exist freely separately.  This seems ludicrous to me.

Of course, Grayce is very good in the talk department, but she doesn't always cut the mustard in deed.  Actually, I'm trying to reconcile the philosophies of Kierkegaard and Sartre, and to come up with a livable ethical code which will also allow for me to believe in a God -- of some kind, anyway, -- this is very nearly impossible, but never let it be said that I did no try!

Wake up!  Paulie!  I promise to come down now.  I think I actually miss having a philosophy course or two to push my thoughts around.  You should be very grateful that I also write to Rich Miller and that he gets the bulk of this, because if it weren't  for him I'd be assembling all this stuff on you!  (I daren't write to many people about this because my sanity is none too well thought of and I wouldn't like to risk having to be committed!)  At least, Rich writes his mutterings back to me and we share equally the burden of boredom.

Now -- to go from the sublime to the ridiculous -- the weather her has been absolutely mad!  One day it's 70 and the next day it snows.  I may start believing that the end is near pretty soon if some rhyme or reason does not show its face.

Unfortunately, I had to work the Sunday of the Super Bowl and you can be certain that here was no orgy at Seton Hill!

Well, I guess this is enough torture for one letter for you.  Take care.

January 23, 1975 (Letter from Renee)

Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles -- sing praises to the Lord -- Hallelujah!  Renee has finally decided to sit down and write to a very good, (provably pretty "pissed at me") friend.  I beg your forgiveness for my poor writing record -- I was pretty busy, and pretty lazy, and not always in the mood to sit down and write a long letter after a hard day at the "factory"!

Well, where do I begin?  I guess by telling you that Morrey and I are both fine and in relatively good spirits   Morrey had a big promotion, and now he is a salesman for the same company which means more money, and lots more work and headaches. He was given a 9 passenger, air-conditioned station wagon for his personal and business use, and an expense account and all the accoutrements (spelling is bad!), so life isn't too bad these days.  We sold one of our VW's and since Morrey is on company gas cards, the only bill we have for gas is about 10.00 per month for my VW which I drive back and forth to school every day.  I'm really proud of Morrey and his new position, and thank God there really is a good future for him as a salesman.  Who knows, maybe someday I can sit around the house on my big ass eating bon-bons and watching all the lovely (???) soap operas that would tear my heart out!  Just joking, of course.  Morrey is happy with his work and that's what counts cause it took him 6 years to get where he wanted to be.  Another neat thing about his job is that his time is his own and he doesn't have to report to anyone at the office.  It is convenient when we want to trek to Pa. early on a Friday afternoon cause now we can do it.   We'll never be millionaires, but at least in a couple of years I can think about quitting my job and doing "my thing".  "My thing" is that I'd sort of like to go back to get my master's degree, and take all the courses I really needed to take as an undergrad, but didn't.  We have no immediate plans for a family -- even though Morrey's Mom is harping the daylights out of us about giving her grandchildren.  I can stand the harping -- but probably couldn't stand the kids at this stage of the game.  I get all I want of kids 8-9 hours a day, and the only saving grace is that I can come home to peace and quiet and a few hours of sanity each night!  Wow, that was a long paragraph -- time to change to a different color!!

Last winter Morrey and I took bridge lessons -- but I didn't do too well with that cause I have very little card sense, and not much in the way of patience to play the game.  My new interest is the piano -- and I am taking piano lessons at O.S.U. one night a week from now till March.  Paul, you'll be the very first to receive an engraved invitation to my virtuoso appearance at Carnegie Hall (in Podunk, Iowa probably).  Seriously, I really do enjoy the lessons, and since I have a brand new piano with no one to play it, I figured that it would be a good idea to learn to play not just the right hand, but also the left!  I am at the point in my teaching career where the demands on my evening hours are very little, and I can't stand to get bored cause I sulk and get moody and depressed and all that crap.  Sometimes I yearn for the days when I was in high school and trying to do 50 things at once -- cause it sure kept me busy and probably full of the devil too!

Our new program called the house plan at school is working out beautifully and we're really working as a team.  We've seen a lot of things happen that couldn't have happened if each of us was closed off in our own classroom doing our own individual thing.  I've learned a lot about history and science and math this year-- and I've also learned a lot about what makes other "teachers tick" through working closely w/ them.  This is my fourth year teaching 8th grade, and frankly I'm a little bored with it since the materials in the curriculum is largely the same from year to year and things can get kind of stale after a while.  I really like my kids, and they don't give me any trouble -- but I'm either going through a stage, or I really need a change of pace.  Our school system failed its third levy which is bad, bad news, and we just got our gas allotment changed so that we now have to cut back 45% of our heat in the building.  Looks like it's going to be a long cold winter head -- and I think my next project after the piano had better be taking knitting lessons so I'll be warm in my room.

I had every intention of writing a six page letter but I just finished tutoring tonight and I'm getting kind of tired.  I'll try to get out a "second installment" to this letter next week.  I figure getting something in the mail is better than nothing, and if I waited much longer to write to you I would have to publish it in book form, chapter by chapter.

Until next week, when I promise to faithfully write again I will bid you adieu!  Write if you have a chance-- although I don't blame you at all if you hold out on me cause I was so poor in writing you back.

January 23, 1975 (Letter from Larry)

How's things in Montana?  It's cold here.  Was down to almost 0 this morning.  I'm sitting my the heater while I write.  I keep my place at about 65.  I just got out of the shower and felt a little cold.

Thanks for the "Family" album.  I've been looking for the Can album but can't find it around here.  Bruce said he saw it in Cleveland.  Bruce and I plan on going to Cleveland in a couple weeks on a Saturday.  Then I could pick up the album.

Dale got expelled for two days for skipping a class.  Dad was kinda upset but he's getting used to things like that.

I'm taking Mom and Dad out to eat on their anniversary this Sunday.

I made out my income tax last night and I'll be getting $100 back.

I've started reading some of Eric Sloane's books.  I really enjoy his books of early Americana.

January 21, 1975 (Letter from Barb N.)

Hello.  How are you?  I am doing fine?

Today is a miserable day.  We have a pretty fierce rain storm now.  It sounds like the winds are very wicked today.  At least I'm safe at work in the office.

Speaking for work I got transferred to a new job.  I work for the master chief of the station.  Most of the time he's not in the office which is nice for me.  I turn the radio to my station and do what I want to do.  The main work in my job is to attend a monthly Human Relations Council meeting, take notes, and type up the minutes.  As you can surmise the job does not require too much of an effort.  I usually try to break up the routine by reading, typing and writing letters.

Thank you for your Xmas gifts.  I would like to macrame myself a belt but I want to start with another belt first.  My girlfriend is macramaing a wall hanging from rope   It looks pretty good.  She would be a good influence on me and I on her.  I'm lazy and she's not whereas she has some problems that I have more insight than she dose.  I would like to get in the same room so we can hep each other on projects.  We'll have to see how everything develops in the future weeks.

22 Jan. 1975 - I don't feel like reading now so I'll finish your letter.

Right now I feel like I need a vacation of some sort.  I have to get away from this base.  If I had only signed up for two years I would be out in Nov.  I don't see how I will make it through the rest of my enlistment.  I guess I'm in my down moods over the Navy, but I feel like I'm wasting so much time. I know the employment situation is bad outside now.  It doesn't seem like it will improve.  Most people believe we are on the verge of WWIII.  Damn.  That's all I need.  If there was a war and then they ratified the amendment which would put women aboard combat ships, I would go UA.  I would be gone faraway.

Mom probably wrote and told you that I sold my car.  Now all I have to do is pay off my college loan and I will be out of debt.  I will have to start saving money for when I do get out.  I'll need something to fall back on.

What have you been doing in Montana?  What is the weather like?  Have you been sightseeing?  I wish I could travel all over.  I hate sitting idle.  I'm too restless at this moment.  I'll have to calm myself down.

Of course, you have heard about the trouble Dale has been getting into.  I can't understand him.  I wish I knew how his mind works.  He's not a bad person.  I hope he knows what he is doing.

I think my main problem is that I'm lonely for a male.  The sailors only upset me.  I hate sailors, (generalizing them in a group).  I haven't really dated anyone I have liked in over a y ear.  It's too long of a time period for me.

Well Paul I'll end here.  I'll write more soon, after I get out of this mood.

January 13, 1975 (Letter from Diane)

Looks like we left Pgh a little early -- we're missing all that celebrating, rioting and general mania not to mentions the joys of GSLIS.  Of course, if you can't be with the Super Bowl winners, the next bet group is the Stanley Cup winners.

I'm glad that you're enjoying your work.  Mine is coming along slowly but steadily.  Basically the library is a neglected pile of old books and reports with inadequate cataloging.  My first move was to pack nearly twenty boxes of books for discard.  I've also been ordering equipment and basic library resources such as BIP.  Space is a big problem -- I'm overcrowded before I begin.  And I wish people would quit asking me if I came out of the typing pool.  Next month I'm going to D.C. to the Office of the Chief Engineer for an orientation.  I'm looking forward to it since it will give me a chance to compare problems and ideas.  Actually, since I'm really starting from scratch, I'll take all the help I can get.  Last winter, when I was designing a library for Smith's Spec Lib course, I never dreamed that this test would become reality!  I never dreamed either that one of the married men would ask me out the first weekend I was here.  Myer!  ()No, I didn't!)

Where does the money go?  Good question.  There's rent (I love my apartment but it costs), taxes, phone, electric, food, transportation ( I take the train to work), etc.  It's very expensive to set up a household without showers and wedding gifts!  My poor sister found this out the hard way when she came for a week's visit.  She tried making roast beef and mashed potatoes without a browning pan, a roasting pan, a saucepan lid, a masher, a gravy boat or ladle.  Surprisingly enough, it turned out to be quite delicious -- but still improvised.  To buy these things would cost me $30-40.  It's even worse when shopping for furniture.  The sofabed I liked cost $549 -- on sale.  I think I'll have to compromise between taste and finances!  Or go bankrupt 3 mos. after starting work.

I can't believe you hate Christmas.  It's the only time when I find hope for mankind -- at least until I get into traffic.  My decoration are still up because I dread taking them down.  In order to give you the proper spirit next year, I'm sending a package on Sat.  No, I didn't get it at the after-Christmas sale but explanation will be enclosed.

Philly is terrific!  Bev and I went to the Brandywine River Museum to see the Wyeth paintings.  It's a fantastic place -- a renovated mill which suits the paints well.  After all, where else would you find Jamie Wyeth's Pig, Angus, and acrylic sheep.

If this letter sounds disjointed, it's because I've been watching Ford in the White House Library.  It's a nice place.

Take care and keep in touch.

January 11, 1975 (Letter from Grayce)

I should warn you, that further insulting remarks about my "citie of brotherlie love", "my faire green countrie towne" (William Penn's own true words) will not be tolerated.  From this time onward, I would suggest that any observation (on this subject) you feel it necessary to make be approached with extreme trepidation.  (i.e. walk on eggs).  Hrmph, I guess I've told him!  The very idea!  (putting a gun to Diane's temple to elicit a favorable remark about a wonderful place!?! unheard of!)

Actually, I am trying to my myself into my most belligerent mood for writing another letter.  That letter will go to our friends, Quality Paperback Service.  (Remember them?)  Really, I have only meself to blame for this situation.  I should never have gotten myself into this because this is only just another of a long line of "club" battles that these weary "check-writing", "protest-writing", "don't' send me another book that I don't want or I will kill myself writing" hands have seen.

It all started (the pain in just recalling this may be unbearable!) about 2 months ago when I, in my deluded simplicity, thought that it would be a good idea to take up reading some existential psych. (Little knowing that I might need some therapy in a short time.)  I happened to see that QPBS had a 2 vol set of Rollo May -- so, ...I ordered it -- "in good faith", as Sartre would be sure to say.  Let me digress here, kind listener, to state another part of my case (maybe this will be counted against me?).  In a moment of crazed mental imbalance -- a moment of time in which even I will admit my lunacy -- I wrote to QPBS and actually told them that my address would no longer be at Pitt and gave them my new address.  (Foolhardy girl that I am.) I think that when they saw this, they themselves must have been convulsed with laughter and awe.  I mean, it was really a stupid thing to do !  I even told them my new name.  Anyway--

After several weeks of not receiving my beloved Rollo, I opened my door one day to find a package which contained -- no, not Rollo!) but Light on Yoga!  Now yoga is very nice, but it is not Rollo! Anyone can distinguish between the two, can they not?  Now -- having already opened the package and seeing Yoga I thought that it must be an omen of some kind.  Someone wanted me to have this book and eat up its contents.  So -- I dutifully wrote to QPBS and told them I received Yoga and how much did I owe and the next day I got a bill (obviously before they got my letter ) for Rollo ($5.60 which I had already sent them a check for!)  Weeks passed -- no word from QPBS -- I felt like K in The Castle.  Then, I got Legend in America! which I sent back with a nasty (but not nearly as nasty as this one will be!) letter.  Then I got something else which I didn't open cause they were not Rollo's size.  I just sent them back.  Then, last but not least, came Rollo -- last but waited for.  So I was relatively happy til I got my bank statement and they haven't cashed any of my checks (I haven't balanced my checkbook for about 4 months for which Brook was so happy!). A week ago I got a letter from them and a bill for 2 books besides the ones sent that I never heard of -- myeer!

(Paul says -- when does this end!?)  Now since I'm finished raving, but I think I'm somewhat talked out.  I'm tempted to send this letter to QPBS except they didn't say anything terrible about Philadelphia, as far as I know, anyway!  And then they might come and lock me up.  --Enough!  I'm not very good company today -- am I?  Maybe I can try again later...

12 January -- I have a new dilemma today.  I never did write QPBS.  I don't think it will help -- maybe if I ignore them, they'll go away.

I have been informed that contracts are signed in March at Seton Hill.  Mary (the cataloger who started in August when I did ) and I are not exactly delighted cause we are both committed til August by our former contracts.  I feel that this is unfair since if I wanted to leave I would still have to stay til August but I'd have to give them 5 months notice.  And I can't start really looking for another job now because I can't start working til at least the end of August.  I am feeling somewhat put out by this, especially since this is no great job.  I have really worked hard here.  I know she wants me to stay -- (certainly, where else can she get a "professional" who will work for 3/25 an hour!) - and has said it repeatedly, but I really am exhausted all the time, commuting from so far away.  I'm tired when I get there in the morning let alone when I have to work til 10 and don't get home usually till 11:30.  And the nun herself is so repressive.  She watches you constantly and nothing you do is ever the way she would have done it.  Mary wants to quit but she has six kids and is divorced and has moved to Greensburg and bought a house there for this job, so she thinks she'll stay another year.  Actually, sometimes I think she's the only reason I stay.  We have fun and she's got a really odd sense of humor.  Sister wanted us to help her on this "project" (she's always dreaming up projects which she hasn't the time or the staff or the money for.)  So we were supposed to cut out pieces of plastic to put over certain index entries to emphasize things like see ref, etc.  (Remember them?)  Do you know she wouldn't even let us touch the plastic.  She had to cut it herself and she practically tore Mary's head off for cutting one piece when she (Sr) went to lunch and there wasn't any left.  She's just so petty and I could never stand that.  She's always after me to turn lights off.  I swear the students will go blind because of her.  Oh, here I go again, ranting.  I'm sorry please forgive me.  I'll stop now.

I heard from Bill Louden and he really likes his job at Heidelburg College (cataloging).  Bill Snyder wrote also and will be in Pgh to sign up for the army.  I can't believe he's really going.  It seemed liked so long ago he first said he would.  I guess I'd better get going.  Well, take care.

January 5, 1975 (Letter from Bev)

Happy New Year!  Were you home for Christmas?  I guess it would be quite a long haul by car.

I only had Christmas day off, but I wanted a little more time, so I took the 26th and 27th as vacation and spent the Christmas holiday at home. New Year's day I spent in Baltimore with Diane and her aunt and uncle.

The week before Christmas was party time at the hospital.  The annual hospital Christmas party was held on the 19th from 1:30 to 4:00.  It took place in one of the gyms on the grounds and was a big success.  Santa Claus was even  present and gave hand-made green ornaments to everyone. (This was a staff Christmas party.  Each ward has its own party for the patients.)

It seems that around the holidays the patients get on edge.  The attendants said that this year was worse than any other. As of December 2d, all the patients who were working on the hospital grounds, lost their jobs.  Due to a federal ruling the hospital was forced to pay the minimum wage of $2.00 per hour or stop all work projects.  The hospital couldn't afford to pay the patients that much, so consequently all work by patients was stopped.  The patients who had jobs were being paid, but not that amount.  So now, that segment of the hospital population, who could do some meaningful work and receive compensation, are faced with nothing but TV, books, crafts, etc. Their small job meant a lot to them.  The hospital is working on an alternative solution to this job problem, but it will probably take awhile for something to get started.  I think the government had the patients' interest at heart when they passed the ruling, but at Delaware State it backfired.  

You sound as if you're very satisfied with your job.  I enjoy my work, but as with any job, I do have some bad days.  Right now I'm so disgusted with the Budget Department.  I have a book budget of $2,000, but I have my doubts if I'll get to spend it.  I've already decided to order my last books for the year in April.  It takes the budget dept. at least one month to process a purchase order and I find that too long.  The library committee meets once a month to select books.  I try to get the purchase order typed and on its way to budget the very same day as the meeting.  The last library committee meeting was Dec. 2d and I still haven't received my purchase order copy, which means the order hasn't been sent out yet!  Heaven forbid I should need any of those materials in a hurry.  I just know I won't get to spend all my book budget.  How do you select books and do you have a budget?

The superintendent of the hospital was to a meeting where he saw a study carrel, used by the Wilmington Medical Center Library.  This carrel had synchronized slide/cassette tape programs to which the user can watch and listen in order to learn how to read a cardiogram, for example.  Well, Dr. Anstreicher was really impressed by this and the next day he called me into his office and requested me to go to the Medical Center and inspect the carrel   It's really a good method for teaching medicine, but I can't see getting one for a psychiatric library.  At least  I haven't found any to operate such a program.  Tomorrow I have to meet with him and give him my opinion about buying such a unit.  I'm against it and will try my darndest to talk him out of it.  The library needs other things more than it needs a $1,000 study carrel.  Would you believe that none of the periodicals have been bound for the past 4 years?  I would like to see some money spent on binding instead of on materials that may not even get used.  There are some things which never get used in that library.  I believe that I'm the only person who looks at Current Contents.  I like to read the Press Digest section and have found the publication's subject index really helpful when Index Medicus doesn't produce what I'm looking for.  Once I start getting some new books in (probably in July!) I want to put out a monthly acquisitions list and include information about the various indexes which the library has.  Some of the staff are regular users of the library and are constantly looking for information.  Then there are some doctors who haven't even been in the library since I've been there.  I would think that doctors especially would try to keep up with what's new in the profession.

You're lucky to have a furnished apartment.  My apartment is beginning to get filled.  Yesterday I bought a small sofa and it makes a big difference in my living-dining room.  My mom gave an end table to use and I hopefully will get a coffee table in the near future.  I like living in New Castle and have made a few friends here.

Do you hear from anyone from GSLIS besides Grayce and Diane?  I had Christmas cards from Bill Louden and Marilyn Long.  Bill is working at Heidelberg College in Tiffin, Ohio and Marilyn is a children's librarian at Charleston, West Virginia public library.  I wonder what percentage of our class found library jobs.  During December I had two letters for interviews.  One was for a reference position at Meadville public library and the other was for a position with a company called Service to Publishers  located in Lewisburg, Pa.

Have you had a lot of snow in Deer Lodge?  A few flakes fell here the other week and that has been it for snow.  Of course, winter has only just begun.  Although I only have a 5 mile ride to work, I hope it doesn't snow.  I hate to drive on slippery roads.  Do you live far from the prison?  I guess like most prisons and mental hospitals, it is located far from the view of society.  I've wondered why they try to hide prisons and mental hospitals.  Is it so the people will forget that they exist?

In June I'd like to go to the Medical Library Association convention in Cleveland.  I've given  up on ALA.  I think it's too public library oriented and really doesn't have much to offer me.  Not even any of the division are helpful.  I belonged to the AHIL division which is for hospital librarians, but I didn't get anything helpful from their newsletter.

It was good to hear from you.  Keep in touch.

January 3, 1975 (Letter from Mary R.)

Well the day I mailed the letter to you Boe called so everything is straightened out, and I'm asking another favor of you.  Would you take this head band into Boe for his birthday?  They won't let stuff like that go in because they said they can make it themselves.  A friend of mine that lives in Yukon Terr. in Canada made it.  The mail was screwed up he hadn't gotten any of my letters and I hadn't gotten his.  I got three from him yesterday.

Sorry all I can send is $5 this time, but it was all I could spare.

Hope things are going OK for you.  We have having a snowstorm, we've had about 16" in the last 3 1/2 hours and it's still snowing.

Matt talks about you a lot.  He refers to you as "that guy Paul".

I guess I will close for now and crash.  Please let me know if you get the money.  I don't like sending money in the mail, you never know if it's going to make it.

Oh! my ex old man called New Year's Day.  He said he didn't want to pay child support, and I can do whatever I want.  So that's just what I'm going to do.

Take care and thanks.

December 29, 1974 (Note from Elaine)

I'm terribly sorry that I didn't answer your letter sooner.  Unfortunately, my husband and I have had health "scares" these past months (I was down with hepatitus for 5 long weeks)---but happily we're both fine now.

Your job sounds interesting -- but even more important -- you sound so happy about it.  (It's a bit of a contrast with "straight" Manhasset -- pun intended -- nevertheless, I think I might have been able to offer something both challenging and satisfying here, too.   Maybe?  By your sights?  I guess I really don't know.)

I don't know if she has contacted you, but a friend of of a friend of mine is doing research, has a grant (trying to get a grant?) to work with prison inmates on a sort of author's apprenticeship program -- an inmate writer, who would work with a specific author...I don't really know the details. Anyway, her name is Kathy Pernitz and she was very interested to learn about you and where you are -- and may write to you.

I really look forward to hearing from you, so keep in touch?

Hope you have a very happy year.

December 29, 1973 (Note from Renee)

I do deserve a slap on the wrists for not writing sooner and I certainly apologize.  Time flys by and the school year is half over.  Morrey is now a salesman for his company.  He loves it and is doing well.  We not drive a beautiful station wagon at company expense!

My grandfather has been in poor health and we're going to Warren for Xmas.  Unfortunately, things haven't gone well with my folks since Grandpa has been ill, and they are really tied to the house these days.

Morrey and I have been exceptionally busy and have had company every weekend since Sept.  It's kind of nice to be in vacation without a houseful of people around.

I promise to write after the New Year once things settle down around here.  Please write to us you can.  I love hearing from you.

December 28, 1974 (Note from Dale)

Happy New Year.  I didn't send this package out until Friday so I doubt that it will make it for Christmas.  I didn't know what to get you so I just got this piece of shit and some money.

I hope your enjoying yourself out there in all your work and such.  Everything is going pretty good around here as far as school, work, and partying goes.  School is still a bummer but the year is almost half way over.  As far as Christmas itself goes my one big present is an electric guitar.  I'm learning how to play it a little but I still need to get an amplifier before it will really sound nice.

Well that's about all I have to say now.  I hope your enjoying yourself and maybe I'll write you again sometime soon.

December 28, 1974 (Postcard from Grayce)

Greetings from Philadelphia!  (See, we have a few polar bears, too!)  I just popped in to see my family for a few days and since it's quite like a vacation, I thought I'd send you a post card a la touriste!  This is one of my favorite places and the pictures just doesn't do it any justice.  A very happy new year.

December 24, 1974 (Letter from Tom)

It's been awhile and I'll admit that I'm confused about who wrote who last.  I've been busy if not productive the last month or so.  Lots of guys have been coming in for military counselling, and the radio show, plus some other developments at work -- then at home we've been getting readjusted to being two instead of four, since our friend Brenda and her baby have found a place of other own.  Also we started making toys to sell for Christmas craft fairs and shows, to supplement our income.

Lots of grey days this month, and a couple for real snowstorms.  I'm getting psychologically prepared to be locked up from the sunshine and the storms of winter in January when there is another 2 wk study for $500 at the Chatham.  Barbara will fill in for me at work.  The more and more I reveal who I am the less I am liked by some of our friends at the lab.  Actually that's not as accurate as saying the more difficult it becomes to go through the whole thing smoothly.  I'm changing my behavior and saying less and staying in my room to read again, and I'm quite happy and content to do that.

Been writing down my dreams a lot lately, reading new things and saying goodbye to friends who are leaving.

As me questions, and write to me before January 12th when I'm supposed to check in a Bio-d and I'll write you a good letter.

I know all your days can't be happy, but I wish you that anyway, to bake the good ones go a little farther.
Have a good Christmas and a happy re-new year.  Be seein' you.

December 23, 1974 (Letter from Grayce)

When I bestowed you with the name "Tweety" -- not through any great thought about the subject, either -- I never dreamed that such an avalanche would descend.  I really intended this to be quite subtle, but maybe the fact that so many seem to agree is only giving testimony to my original insight.  I suppose the most incisive insights are those that are somewhat intuitive rather than diagnostic.

I'm sorry that it's taken me longer than usual to reply.  I intended to write as soon as I received your letter, but I got sick.  Not real sick, but just sick enough that I couldn't go to work.  As a matter of fact, I wasn't in shape to do much of anything.  I don't think I'll live it down!  Brook had off on Thursday and that was the day it was really the worst.  And my new nickname for this week is "Zombie".  Only yesterday -- my first day "out" -- (I was going shopping and Brook was overly concerned in a very caustic way about whether I could "handle" it!  the noive!)  Anyway, my recollections of Thursday are nil, except that I remember getting up for a dinner which Brook made (I have no idea what I ate except that there was a baked potato which was already buttered, etc.)  Then, apparently, I went right back to bed and slept til 10:30.  Then, at 10:30 I woke up again and waited around and watched the news while Brook told me that I was never going to sleep the night and -- I did.  I don't believe it myself.  Well, at least I'm rested.  Most of the kids at school have been sick -- so... I'm just glad it wasn't mono.  That would certainly not be nice right now.

My Thanksgiving story about driving is only mildly amusing compared to your harrowing experience, but...it took us 14 1/2 hours to get from Philly to Pgh.  Yes -- really!  It took about 4 hrs. to get from Philly to Breezewood (with no stopping) and at Breezewood there was a foot of snow -- all of a sudden -- and it was 15-20 mph the rest of the way with lots of stopping and people getting stuck.  One kid at school did not get back for 2 days!  He slept in his car for 2 nights in Bedford.  I was thankful for teh VW cause we couldn't  have made it otherwise.  I don't think.  I am prone to claustrophobia and our car was all packed with stuff which I was bringing back from my parent's home -- so there was no place to go.  I was quite upset.  I felt, by the time we got home, as if I were born in a bucket seat.

Did you finally get something for your parents?  My parents gave us these 2 big packages when we were home and told us we were not to even rattle them before Xmas.  I can't wait.  I can see them from here.  My father is all excited about whatever they are because he wanted us to open them then and there but my mother forbade such iconoclastic behavior.  I know it's something delicate because she kept stressing that we were to be very careful with them.  Suspense kills!

I am so upset.  Remember the day I went up to Seton Hill and used the pottery wheel?  Well, I made several fairly nice pots along with the Tweety mold, and I also handbuilt a little goblet.  I was so happy.  I wish I were good enough to do that for a living.  But, anyway, all the pots were put into the bisque kiln and came out nicely and so was the tweet cause he's low fire material.  But the next week when they were glazed -- a catastrophe!  Some ass used rice to pattern something they made and left some of it in the clay and the damn piece exploded! and everything in the kiln was practically ruined! (sigh)  I wanted to give most of those things away as Xmas gifts, too.  Oh well.

I have been having the strangest dreams lately.  These happened before I was sick mostly, too, except for one or two, so they are not products of a fevered mind.  I had 2 epic dreams about a week and a half ago.  I hardly ever remember what I dream, but thees were so vivid that I think they were supposed to mean something.  They are rather like a Cecil B. DeMille production with a "cast of thousands"!  The first one contained  I think, almost every person I ever as even somewhat close to before I came to Pittsburgh.  It was almost as if I were reliving my life in the dream to some extent.  I wonder if that is at all like what drowning people are supposed to see before they go under.  And the very next night I had a very similar dream except that almost everyone I knew at Pitt was there.  It was the sequel to Part I, I guess. You were there, and you had a red shirt with flowers (do you have a shirt like this?) -- vaguely remember a lt. blue one like it and seeing a red one like it in a store window when we went for a walk one day -- across it in a line and jeans on.  I can remember what almost everyone was wearing.  Diane was wearing this culotte thing that she wore the very first time I met her and Bev was really dressed up and going to work at Western Psych.  They were both very nostalgic dreams and I do think they had a message for me.  Remember when you told me that I just had my head on backwards when I was so sad that everyone was leaving in August?  Well, you certainly were right about it.  I'm still that way, somewhat, but I think those dreams were to tell me to stop it.  I really must.  I'm just slow, I guess.

 Speaking of movies -- when we were at home, we went to Theater of Living Arts to see -- The King of Hearts.  I really wanted to see it -- but when we got there there were only 3 seats left and there were 4 of us -- so...myeer!  Well, maybe another time and we purposely didn't go to the first 2 shows because we knew they'd be crowded.  I just thought that by the 1 AM show there would be more seats.  Foiled again!!  Ange and John had already seen it so they didn't really care.

I am now on my 3rd driving permit.  Please do not laugh or make fun of me in any way as this is a very sensitive area for me.  My first permit arrived while I was in the hospital 2 years ago after my head broke a windshield -- so I was not a candidate for driving lessons at that time.  My second permit came in August and I hardly was even out driving at all and then all those wedding things etc. and now I have my third.  Now nice.  I felt really bad about it until my cousin Beri and her husband came over on Thanksgiving and Bill told me that Geri had the most expensive driving license on record, he thinks.  7 permits!  Well, I, being very thick with Geri, did not of course, laugh, or even smile.  (Geri has always been very good to me and we've always stuck together from the days we were in kindergarten and I hated milk and she used to drink mine for me so I wouldn't get yelled at for waste!)  So now at least I know I have 4 more to go before I break the family record for permits.

Brook wants us to get a van so we can go camping, but I can't even drive the VW -- so I find it difficult to picture myself driving such a big thin.  He insists that they are not hard to drive, but....

Well, I guess this is all.  (All?)  Bill Louden is working at Heidelburg College in Ohio and really likes it.  You may already know this, but I thought I'd tell you in case you didn't.

P.S.  Margaret (remember Mgt?) McMillion is on her way!  She's been accepted into Foreign Office for Jan. 16th and they haven't told her where she's going yet.  (WWIII?)

P.P.S.  I was just wondering if you looked anything like Tweety when you were 3.

December 20, 1974 (Card from Barb L)

Hi there!  It's Christmas in Montana and in Warren, Pa! as it's only a week away.  I think I better start getting it together.  Haven't done any shopping yet or anything.  I hate to part with my meager moneys,.  I guess Mardi wrote to you -- there is no news of course.  Rick was here for a week deer-hunting.  He had fun but didn't get a deer.  He never even shot his gun.  He made it back to Boston in a record 9 hours.  Compared to Timmy and I's 18 hours with the U-haul.  My car is still chugging away -- right now it's getting another minor repair -- the clutch pedal cable broke.  They're all minor repair but they all cost money.  I sound like Marti Graves now!  All business.  I think he must be mellowing or something -- he's really been pretty nice.  He even talks about other subjects than golf now.  Maybe Matthew has done it.  I've babysat fo rhim a few times and he is really a doll.  Of course, Yolanda is crazy about him.  So life goes along here in Warren.  I've been hangin around like a lazy good-for-nothing and loving it.  Doing nothing doesn't bother me -- I must be weird.  But it's get a job time after Christmas.  My rucking landlord sent me $8.50 for the return on my security deposit.  He's about $70 short but writes it off as "expenses".  As unbroken record of lousy landlords -- my lucky star did not shine on me during this year in Boston!  This next year is going to be a definite improvement -- I can feel it?  Have a good holiday up there (?) (I know you're "high") -- drop me a lone and I'll dust off the letter paper and get one out to you.

December 18, 1974 (Card from Barb N.)

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and much happiness through the New Year.  I hope our family gets closer together throughout the coming years.  I have realized how much I love Mom, Dad, Larry, Dale, and you!  Our prayer that we said each night before we went to sleep didn't mean as much as it means to me now.  I really hope that we all live near each other eventually so we can get to know each other again.

P.S.  May God's blessing be bountiful for you.

December 17, 1974 (Card from Mardi)

Have a nice Christmas wherever it was you are going to be.  I can't remember!  It looks as if we may have a dreary, wet Christmas.  What can you expect in Warren?  We are all fine and Matthew is growing like a week, talks all the time, wonder where he gets that from?

Take care and I'll get a letter off to you after the holidays.  I've been working at the store and there just is no time.

December 16, 1974 (Card from Michael)

Have you gotten all my letters these past few months?  If you haven't I'm sorry and I'll send you another one real soon.  Liz and I have been working like hell 6 and 7 days a week for some time now.  It's letting up a bit now and hopefully we'll have some free time to spend relaxing and, of course, writing letters.  Hope you are well and don't give up on me yet.  See you (I hope also).

December 11, 1974 (Letter from Gordon)

Paul -- the following letter is pretty free-wheeling and quite subjective -- not to say chaotic.

I wanted to let you know before hand that the same evaluation, observations, and conclusions are arrived at in the Manual (for my old job) and various enclosures and memoranda that are in the MSP librarians' file at MSL, but in a restrained, relatively objective and deliberative manner.  Well aware of my own proclivities and emphases, and peculiar insights and sensitivities, I tried to back off and take a look, comprehensive and fair look at the MDL position and work at MSP, but only as presently conducted but with proposals for the future.

If you are unable, in the end, to have access to these materials, I will be delighted to provide you with a copy of my own set.  (End of prefatory notes.)

Well I can see you're already going over the contents of Pandora's box, even at this early stage!  I assume you have already asked Dick Peel for the long manual and accompanying memoranda on my work and evaluation of the job, all of which he has.  If it does not appear you will be given these materials, let me know and I'll send you the whole shitpot full. Also, Alma Jacobs has a complete file of the above, as well.  (So did I, heh, heh!)   It would be preferable if one of them gave you access to it (thinking in terms of their support, etc.)

In the Manual and the memoranda I spell out all my views and measurements of the job.  I have also this fall written a 15-page (double-spaced) account of the job, called "Prison Librarianship -- Some Controversial Aspects", written in an anonymous context, which I am trying to get published.  It is loaned out at the moment, but when it returns I will send you a copy, for yourself.  It is thoroughly doctored for anonymity.

I have a package of papers, and also a number of posters, both of which I will try to get off this week.  It might get a bad reaction if Crist sees my mailing address on the papers, but "I can't help it".  Whether you remove it or not is your business.  Crist tends to get terribly upset and "emotionally involved in (his) job" (something he accused me of, by the way.)   Hoping you can get access to the above sources, I won't run on here about the job, expect to say that the prison pressure is to get you to identify totally "with the inmates".  Cultivate an objective, professional stance and approach.  So that any decision you make has been well-though-out.  That way you can never be caught off guard.

Paul, try your very cool and patient best to stay there as long as possible --

On the administration people you mentioned:  Generally speaking, never trust anything they tell you.  (Not totally anyway.)  Boyette, Jaksha, Blodgett, Weer, and Yankoskie are first of all the warden's toadies and flunkies.  They are excellently conditioned bureaucratic subordinates.  Like they talk to the prisoners, they will feed you a story, a line or a "cue" to get you to talk loosely. Control of staff, to Crist's ilk, is every bit as important as control of inmates.  (Read the Policy and Procedures on staff conduct in my life.)  Communicate orally, not in writing, if at all possible.

Hence the supreme importance of maintaining your own professional integrity.  I never had problems with the prisoners, or with line staff -- only with Roger, Joe, and Jim.  Blodgett is especially treacherous because he comes on so loosely, easy, and "nice".  Don't believe your eyes and ears!!  His head is aching for a wardenship all his own, once Crist goofs up badly enough.

Jaksha - a toady and a dunce (but who will be silent at times, too)

Yankoskie - a craven, uptight, paper bully of a dunce

Blodgett - viper (nothing he doesn't say will come to pass) and bully.

Weer - an original nice guy undergoing final institutionalization.

Boyette - a redneck, at bottom

Crist - Hitleresque and arch-chauvinist (watch him around women), custody-obsessed, "Christian" (watch out!), militaristic (chain of command).

But despite all this--

I let 15 months go by before letting it go - I also loved it, and as a first library job I learned an immense amount.  I went about my job with full self-respect and with a pride in associating with such a victimized and oppressed clientele, (whose spirit also remains high -- right?)  I came to like Montana very much -- try to get East any time you can.  (At first I was thoroughly uptight, coming from an urban ghetto straight to rural Montana!  Bought a .38 special and was armed most of the time off the job.  (Fearful of Montanans!!)  But I got over that -- it's a fine life environment  really, and maybe someday I'll be working again over there (at least for another stint).

My prior association with parolees and prisoners helped.  Plus 3 years army experience (in the 1950's, well remembered though).  Also several years in militant civil rights and anti-ware activity. (In Seattle the next stage was terrorism, when Johnson relented...)  Not to state my politics -- I'll let you draw your own conclusions.

I kept a detailed journal of my experiences there, as well.

I am corresponding now and then with Al Charlo of the Hunter, and it's a wonder Crist's mail room lets it happen.  Others have been refused permission to write me.  I asked to be able to write:  (list of names).  I know several of these are gone, but no matter.  Bless every one of their devious hearts!  Maybe under capitalism, "deviance" is every person's survival option.

Now to the State library -- bless their hardy trooper souls -- I accept and recognize a minimal degree of bureaucratic complicity on their part (the politics of government?), regarding working with the prison and the Dept. of Institutions.  I hope Dick Peel can weather the storm and find the recognition he richly deserves.  Though we came to disagree somewhat at the end (I am totally against the concept of a "warden", and the absolute thought control he feels necessary to exercise over staff in every area.)  I really appreciated working with him that first year or so.  When Alma Jacobs came things sort of fell apart, at MSL, structurewise (organizationally).

The "complicity" I refer to above is derived from: 1.  The fact that Peel wasn't upset that Crist had a big dossier on me, which included an excessive amount of evaluative materials by a variety of persons.    (I wanted to demand access to it.)  2.  The fact that perhaps MSL does the same thing (background checks of an excessively prying nature) and that Peel (for one) sends letters of reference or recommendation without ever sending you a copy.  This is a kind of oppression that thoroughly erodes the trust and confidence of "subordinates".  If we don't work for the people's best interests, whose interests are we serving?

P.S.  Keep in mind too that Deer Lodge is a very small, loyalist town....the barroom walls have eyes and ears.

P.S.  Regarding meetings or (audiences) with Crist, or any of his lieutenants; often a certain reaction will be feinted (like shock or whatever with the comix), to put you on the the spot as corrupting innocents, etc.  Here let it be said that anyone who stays longer in the closed institution than a nominal period (1-2, 3 years?) is becoming corrupted.  The essence of traditional, and closed, institutions is abnormality and prostitution and corruption, both in principle and practice. (Anything to stay on the job, maintain or curry the administration's favor, anything to control the prisoners for control's sake.)

There is a monstrous double standard working in prisons that should see a whole lot of collaborators taken to the wall and shot.  One thing we con the public into thinking we're doing; one thing we are really doing.  And control of staff under these circumstances is critical.  Don't educate them too much.  One reason "staff training" has come so late into prisons is because no warden wants an "aware" group of officers to deal with.  They might get some self-respect and start reflecting on their work, and on the efficacy and purpose behind "corrections".  A lot of line staff come from the same socio-economic experience as the prisoner s they tend -- a situation that has not escaped the "aware" con's observation (see Fred Perry, et al.)