Janaury 9, 1973 (Letter from Albert P.)

Perhaps you noticed that one Pre-Super Bowl show featuring Joe Namath and Curt Gowdy was done in Laguna Beach.  It looked very appealing.  A destination on one of my future trips, definitely.

For now though it's New Orleans. It is a bit discouraging to find so few opportunities to go into creative work after only obtaining a bachelors. However, no doubt Mardi Gras will cheer the mood of the city, of which there was a definite downcast after the sniping incident. If you can make it down here then, there's plenty of carpeted floor space you're welcome to make use of. The partying begins at the end of February and continues 8 days until the last and the biggest celebration on March 6.  I hope you can make it.  Keep in touch.

January 9, 1973 (Letter from Mardi)

I'm breaking down to write figuring I"ll get a letter faster this way???  Only I'm sure you've just been taking it easy.  Mom told me Mike is at Akron now, how did his living quarters look.  I hope he likes it and it gets him somewhere this time.  I've been trying to write a letter to Mark and keep finding it quite difficult to get started.  It seems strange because I haven't seen Mark or corresponded with him in so long-- everything I've received has been secondhand information.  I told Barb not to write till after Rick left and I haven't got a letter to date so.....  I'm presuming Rick is still there.  Has Barb decided to try a job or forget it?  I'm not even going to ask her!!!!  Definitely not!

It appears, the January slump has hit the banking business and work has been exceptionally slow.  The only time I can relax is at work.  We finally got our furnace to work properly after 1 week of on and off.  I woke up yesterday morning and it was freezing!  It's been minus something every day here.  This morning a mere -17.  Poopie was sick last week because of the heat.  I took her out Sat and it was sloppy, so she got soaked and the heat went off Sat night and the apt was cold!  So she was coughing and shaking and I was afraid she'd gotten pneumonia..  I gave her aspirin and fed her hamburger and put her by the heater.  She was so stiff she couldn't move and I felt so sorry for her.  It's like my kids or something.  Not spoiled!  So far, Jan hasn't started off too well for a couple of friends.  I've been making trips to Northwestern Hospital to see a girlfriend that Sue and I went to school with.  The doctors are saying it's multiple sclerosis, which I don't know too much about.  She's lost most of the feeling in her left arm now, and it's hard to encourage her to be hopeful when I know I'd be constantly thinking of the same awful possibilities.  Also Bill's Aunt Pauline is in St. Barnabus Hospital and has had a mastectomy.  It's apparently just a matter of time.  She just lost her husband in November.  I pray this is no indication of the entire year, 1972 was bad enough with Grandpa and Mrs. Lucia.

It's the first New Years I've really ever gone out on the town, unless I count Linda Barney's party at whatever that place was.

So, when are you heading up and moving out?  Have you gotten a chance to visit with anyone in particular that we missed at Christmas?  Oh!  I hope you've been down to help Yolanda on the puzzle.  You'd better stop down, I know she'll really miss Mike's constant visits, he really did help keep her company and did so many small errands for her.  Be sure and drop in on her!  OK?

I went to look at the piano I told you about and it's going to cost me a small fortune to fix so I said forget it right now.  The piano is beautiful, but it's been sitting in this lady's damn basement and had to be thoroughly gone over to be properly tuned.  Besides, I have the feeling I'll be moving again this year and who knows where.  So, it probably is a wise decision to just be patient ntill I get things straightened out.  Must go!  Take care and drop me a line!

November 22, 1972 (Letter from Tony)

I'm sitting here in Laguna Beach, Calif.  It's Tuesday so the Cottage Restaurant is closed.  Can you imagine that.  I cam down here just to eat there and ask the people if they know Paul Nelson and they are closed on Tuesdays.

The sun is shining here, it's just beautiful weather.  You already know the scenery.

I came down to Newport Beach with a friend who lives in Manville.  His father owns a very small beach house there.  I was just going to come down for the weekend to get out of Berkeley and law school and the dorms and to get myself refreshed.  Then, I was invited to Thanksgiving dinner in LaHabra, part of L.A. buy a girl whose parents are going to Arizona.  So, a group of people from the  dorm are coming down for that.

Well, I decided to stay down here for these 3 school days so that I could have a real vacation.  And it's been really nice.

Tim and I drove down here Saturday and it seemed like it took a couple of weeks.  We got stoned and were just driving and driving.

Sunday and Monday we went to the beach for awhile and relaxed the rest of the time.  Tim flew back last night so I now have his truck to drive around and place to stay by the beach.

Berkeley has been going along at not a particularly good pace.

There have been some fine moments but there are too many bothersome little things, like living in the dorm, having to work, which gets frustrating because a lot of what we are learning is garbage, and lastly, having to  (we interrupt this letter to bring you a public service renouncement.  A shifty eyed, probably Community leaning, freak has stolen a red pen, and acting nervous, please call your local police department.  Thank you.  We now return to you letter, already in progress) be so very analytical and literal minded.  I guess the basic problem is one of discipline.  I'm working on it, and anyway, there are only 3 weeks left in this semester.

What are you doing over Christmas?  I sure would like to see you.  I've been very slow about writing you but there are many things I want to talk to you about.  I'm flying to Chicago on a charter flight, going to Columbus to see my sister Rose, then flying to Buffalo.  I should get there by Dec. 20.  Will you still be around there?  I'm looking forward to seeing whoever is left in Buffalo.

Do you remember Nancy, the girl who was part of my wine parties in Buffalo?  Well, anyway, she drove to San Diego to see some friends of here and today they are coming up here.  It will be good.

I've been disappointed by my ability to adapt so far.  I think I'm being too harsh on myself.  I know it will take time to build up relationships like I had in Buffalo.  I fell that hits vacation will be a turning point; I've spent some time reordering my mind and deciding on courses of action.

Patience and discipline are still my keys.  I've lost of lot of my patience and I never did have much discipline.  Ha.

I've come up with this analogy about what's been going on.  You see, it's like light waves.  Each person admits these, and it's a function of their internal state as to how intense these emanations are.  A laser is incredibly powerful because all is in harmony, the purpose and discipline are there.  Right now I feel like I'm giving off varying intensities, at times it's fairly pure, at other times the waves get out of synchronization and the various saves, rather than reinforcing each other, merely interfere.  That leads to frustration. At this point I feel like it's getting stronger.  I realize I am possessed of more potential now that ever before.  I need the strength to control and direct it.  Well, I just go.  I hope to see you in a few weeks.  Let me know what you'll be going.

November 21, 1972 (Letter from Van and Randy)

Today is Randy's and my last day of a three week vacation that we took from the Cottage.  It started out to be a two-week vacation but we liked it so well that we took an extra week off.  We both regret that we're going back. If my car was done we probably would have looked for day jobs.

Pot is picking up as far as quality goes.  There's been a little primo also.

We've been going to quite a few concerts lately.  Our night life was just beginning and now it's just part of the past since we started back to work.  But I'm going to try and hold out until the beginning of summer.

It seems like Christmas is just around the corner.  They already have Christmas decorations up in town.  It doesn't seem like Christmas is almost here, until I go to the shopping plazas and see people scurrying like ants to buy presents for their loved ones.  I guess I'm still used to seeing snow and catching a cold about this time of year.  Don't get me wrong about the weather.  It still get semi-cold at night.  It drops to the high 40's.

Before you know it school will finally cease just as fast as summer ended for you.

Well, I'm hoping you had a fine Thanksgiving Day as we will try to have a good one in spite of work.  Van

Howdy Paul, thought I would drop you a few lines too, to stretch out the letter to make it look good.  As Van said our three weeks off wasn't really what we expected since we were going to go up north until we found out that his car wasn't going to be ready at all.  Van has hassled trying to get his car together for so long we have just about given up hope.  If we are lucky we will be cruising by mid-December.

Van and I really lucked out for Christmas though.  Normally they close Christmas Eve and our days off fall on Christmas and the day after so we have three days off for holiday.  You can be sure we will be up to more than hanging around here.

It's far  out that you saw Steve Miller.  We saw him last week with Commander Cody -- a pretty good show for sure.  Van and I smoked twelve primo joints.  Whoa what a rush that was.

So when are you coming back out anyway.  School should be out for your pretty soon.

Well our hour of turmoil is just about upon us unfortunately.  Take care of yourself and write back soon.

Until later this is Randy signing off.

November 11, 1972 (Letter from Kenny)

I know it's been a really long time since you wrote to me but honestly I haven't had any time to write.  As a matter of fact I don't have time now but I'm writing while eating breakfast.  I keep asking Lauren to get me your phone number (ti's easier for me to call) but she can't find it.  Please send me your #.  Oh yeah, just because I couldn't write, doesn't mean you had to stop writing (it was one of the few letters I've gotten).

 Well let's see.  School sucks.  I realize I overreact but this is really ridiculous.  The amount of work is unbelievable and what's worse is that I honest am not understanding much.  I get up at 9:00, get dressed, study for 1/2 hour, go to 2 classes, eat lunch, study for 1/2 hour, go to 3rd class.  Study from 2:00 to 5:00.  Eat Sinner.  Study from 6:30 to 11:00.  That's it everyday and weekends are even worse.  It has completely destroyed my life.  I've never been so miserable as I am now.  Whatever small amount of confidence I ever had has been completely taken from me.  We got our picture books of all the kids in the first yr class and there are some people with doctorates, no shit.  Some of these dudes graduated college in 1964.  (I hadn't even graduated jr high then.)

In case you haven't heard I'm engaged.  That's another thing that's been bothering me.  I honestly don't know if I'm ready to get married but next year I don't want to be as miserable as I am this year.  I don't know how it happened but somehow it did.  We had decided to wait til the following summer then all of a sudden I found myself saying, "no, let's get married this summer" which is what I had never wanted before.  The wedding (ye gods) will be this summer (probably mid-August).  I really want you to come but if you're going to be in sunny Calif. I'll understand.

I see Herb very rarelyt, usually whenever we're home for a weekend.  He's having a good time, finally getting laid and growing a mustache (a real one).  How's Chris?  I hear he's in Buffalo.  I'm sure he's been hanging around with you or trying to.  I hope to get there sometime in March but you'll probably be gone by then won't you?  Have you heard from Tony at all?  I wonder how the little Polish kid is doing?  How's your car?  How's your life?  Are you brushing your teeth regularly?  The answers to these and other questions will be greatly appreciated in one of Nelson's 70 page documentaries (otherwise known as letters.)

Take care big kid, I've got to go to the library.  I'm sorry again for not writing, don't forget to give me your phone number and when you're in.

October 29, 1972 (Letter from Mardi)

I'm actually going to try and write on non-lined paper.  I never was a "swave" letter writer.

Good to hear that you're truckin straight out to California.  It's very simple, if you do get down and out, you're somewhere you can't bitch because it's your climate and your choice.  I never once hated good old Minneapolis although I've been not too thrilled with the winter, but I have to have a winter.  There are some real weirdo's still around!  It keeps me in good bitching form!

I was talking to my mother Saturday and she mentioned to me if I knew if you would be home at Christmas time.  But I didn't know.  Anyway, she wanted me to ask you if you are going to be home after school, the 15th, for Christmas and all, and if you are stopping in Minneapolis on your way to California, if she could ride out here with you.  Just a thought.   Then we could both fly to Florida together and she'd like that.

Today I am relaxing my body from a party last night.  WOWIE!  The old annual Halloween party -- Bill and I went really original this year!  Football player -- me -- and the devil -- oh, Bill says to "go to hell" and when you're there he'll see you.  Yuck yuck.  God it was one of the best parties I've ever been to.  Owen and Mel, and some other guys, I don't think you know, have a mansion on Irving Ave around the Guthrie and Walker area, how they got it I'll never know.  But this place is huge and about 150 people showed up and a couple of kegs and a few hits and everyone was so fine.  Glad I wasn't there this morning though.

Mom was telling me Dody and his family have sold everything in Warren and moved to Buffalo.  Mr. DeLong apparently being transferred.  She said something about Dody and grad school, but I have mislaid the letter.

I must close, I'm trying to get through "The Cancer Ward".  It's been sitting on my book shelf for over a year.  I picked up a couple of books for a quarter a piece -- 2 from the "Alexandria Quartet" and a book about She that I've wanted.

Take care and tell me about Xmas.  Hope to see ya.

October 28, 1972 (Letter from Barb)

Just got your letter after the long abstinence of communication.  And I just got one from Mardi -- after a month since my mom died.   Of course I haven't written to anybody -- have been in a month long bummer which I hope is drawing to a close.  It was so good hearing form you.  I was feeling very isolated and alone in the world.  I had been home 2 weeks while Mom was in the hospital and was there all the time so I really got into the whole thing.  Timmy and Danny were there when she died -- it was like nothing had happened.  No big thing -- very quiet.  Just another routine thing in the hospital.  All the relatives were wailing away and we were calm.  Mardi called that nite because her mother had called her and told her.  I really didn't expect her to come but did wish that she would.  I was hurt to think she never even considered it.  I felt that she just didn't acknowledge the happening.  So there it is -- I have felt in the last year or so that Mardi puts Mardi first in all -- perhaps it's a lack in communication, and maybe it's just the hassle of living.  I don't know.  Friends don't stay the same in the "grown-up" world.  Joan was home the weekend after and it was really good to talk to her, believe it or not.  She and Freddie are really on the rocks -- she is considering divorce.  If you talk to her don't say anything about this.  She is not in too good shape.  Excuse the handwriting, but Rick and I are in the laundromat sort of hunched up on the window sill -- Sunday afternoon at the laundromat.  There is not much new w/ me -- Rick and I are still together but it's been rocky the last month considering my mood and the fact that I don't have a roommate anymore to help me support the apt.  Rick has been living there but he has no money.  I am really trying to move but it's hard to find something as roomy and nice as my place, only cheaper and in a nice neighborhood.  No such thing!  And I now have a car of sorts.  Our old gray Buick from home.  Rick and I brought it back after the funeral.  He had fixed it cause it wasn't running at all.  Now it runs but has no reverse, no drive, etc. etc.  All we have is low.  It's a lot better than nothing, I can conclude.  That has been one nice thing.

Monday night -- Long pause in between these installments.  I know I'm really not feeling myself when I can't even sit down and write a letter.  It's been very hard to do just that and this is the first in over a month.  Lucky Paul!  It's easy to respond to your rambling raps though. You are going through a phase but don't think it's shallow, youth pre-programmed and all that.  A necessary portion of your awakening into that grown-up world we are all so fond of talking about?  College senior restlessness?  Whatever you call it it's forward with determination -- doesn't seem to be the way.  There's no rush -- right?!  I remember coming to Boston 2 1/2 years ago and sometimes it seems like the blink of an eye -- other times like at least ten years have passed.  I of course do not feel that it is an end or a final place -- whatever it is, it's not here.  I would never be an inhabitant of all this continual motion.  But there's a life in itself here that it worth being attentive to.  Maybe you will find your place or your work soon and remain there -- who knows?  I've found that adulthood has somehow overtaken me in the midst of my travels so I'm at a different viewpoint than 2 years ago, 1 year ago, 3 months ago!  It's really sort of out of our power, so as you said, flow with it.

You also say you're noticing a distance between you and the people you're living among.  I think this is the point where people do go off in their own direction -- last year of school and onward, if it hasn't happened already.  Don't count on your friends to support you completely or to stay with you.  That's not in their power either.  They'll have their own focus and they, (he, she, etc) have to go w/ it.  So explains Mardi and Joan and Barb, Paul, Mike, etc, etc, etc!!  Your consideration of staying in Buffalo till spring sounds like it will be worth it -- you'll have time to think a little.  If your travel plans don't click you're welcome to try Boston, the Cape or the Vineyard -- 3 assorted lifestyles.  As I aid, you're welcome.  Wherever I may be, it till probably be one of the three, although by summer I don't believe it will be Boston.  I have even considered living at home for a few months in view of the circumstances -- I haven't pursued the idea very far I must say.  Getting a place outside of Warren wouldn't be such a bad idea for awhile.  Although the working situation there is really undesirable (???)   Did you know that Joan graduates in January too, and then she has to do her student teaching somewhere and somehow support herself -- like she said, because of Freddie she has no home and no money, and needless to say, no security.  Any encouragement for a too-early biracial marriage?  Thanks god Mardi and Bill didn't get married!  She says she is adjusting to Sue and seeing Bill, period.  That was the extent of the news.  She's mostly tied up with work and school.  I've got to acknowledge her perseverance anyway.  She also says she probably won't be home for Christmas.  I don't know why not but Mardi's mind bears no explanation.  I will be of course and also for Thanksgiving.  Will  you be there?  Warren, Pa and the 15,000 friendly folk?  Leroy Schneck ramblin on?  Scott Saylor socking it to em on WNAE?  It's all there, folks -- just stay on rt 6 and follow the crowd!

Well, I hope this has provided some enlightenment, enjoyment or news -- I really can't elaborate on how things are in old Beantown -- I haven't been paying too much attention to them.  But I am coming out of my retirement to go see Steve Miller Band and James Montgomery Blues Band Friday night and Judy Collins in 2 weeks.  I think it's money well spent.  Also, wistful plans of going to the Vineyard for a few days -- the winter's the best.  Nice and desolate and deserted.  Take care and thanks all over for writing.  Don't forget to go and vote for McGovern -- it's the only gesture we can make and I sadly believe it will only be a gesture.

See you next month I hope.  Don't work too hard at nite or you'll have your yearly shitty cold early this year!

Harry says a doggy hi -- she will probably be home too!

October 26, 1972 (Letter from Mardi)

Happy happy birthday!  I wrote myself a note so I could send you a card but as usual I am behind schedule.

I'll try and get this out before the mail girl gets here!

Everything is in that state of -- HECTIC -- I'm fighting my way through classes, not because they're difficult, I just can't get with it!

Sue and I are getting along fine but it still seems funny to have her for a "roomy".  Bill is still trying to get into a job and it's been a pisser!  Same old story.

Haven't really got too much to say right now, besides being at work I can't quite get into this letter.  I've been waiting and waiting to hear from Barb, but she must be too pre-occupied to write I haven't heard form her since about 2 months ago.  Did get a letter from Joan and she was mentioned about Freddy going back to school in Ohio.  I know they were having a lot of trouble but she didn't even bring it up.  Hopefully they will work things out and old Fred will see the light.

Tonight Arlo Guthrie is going to be at Northrup Hall at the U.  So we are ambling over there.  Last night we went to the hockey game and naturally our fantastic Northstars fell to St. Louis 4-3.  Then we went to the "Little Tiajuana" and ate Mexican food and drank beer all night.  What an awful thing to do to my stomach!  I'll never look at a tamale again!

Take care and I will drop you a line again soon. Oh, I have Gary and Kathy Tuller's address, do you need it?  They don't live in Colorado, I thought you said they lived near Denver, maybe not.

October 26, 1972 (Card and note from Art)

Good to hear from you.   Sorry I did not write sooner but been busy.  Moved up to Lakewood to be close to school and have found myself overwhelmed with  booking.  I'm glad I'm going with one chick helps keep your sanity without worrying about getting dates.  I'm living with a minister which is a story in itself but it is working out remarkably well.  Cottage slowed down unbelievably after you left.  I'm glad I left within two weeks thereafter.  I have since tried to get a hold of Tom but when I mailed a letter to where he was supposed to be, it was returned saying he never lived there.  Sorry I forgot your last name but I did not have trouble remembering your birthday -- have a good one.

October 16, 1972 (Letter from Mardi)

It was good to get a letter from you last week.  It was really funny.  Carol Gus called Sue last week and Sue wasn't in and I spoke to her for awhile and we were discussing Foster's situation etc and I said something about you and Carol said Mike had gotten a letter from you and you were having trouble deciding what to do.  Who doesn't.  She made it sound rather serious though and I thought:  "golly gee" what is Nelson doing.  So I receive your letter and see you are as fine as as usual as you usually are, huh?

So do you have your hot Chevy yet?  It sounds like a good car.  I just hope it runs well for you.  It's close to a van!?  I know where you can get a mail truck for $475 in good shape.  Steering wheel on the right side and everything.

What is it you're going to do, was it travel around or what?  I didn't get a thing straight on that.  You're definitely not going on to grad school, right?  At least not yet.  I can't keep tack of everyone's plans, especially from letters.  You're right about "those good old college days" and grad school but believe me (for you it may be entirely different) but IT DOESN'T"T GET EASIER -- Is that profound or what?  Just watch it buddy cause you can really get behind.  And don't think it might not happen to you, because fate doesn't work that way.  All of a sudden for a number of "good reasons" (they are all good), you have no money, so you work and then you can't stop working and it gets harder to get into grad school.  BLAH BLAH BLAH -- Maybe I'm saying all this shit because I know a lot of people who would like to be in your situation now but it has passed them by.  There is only a moment when you can do these things and if you don't take that moment the fuckin world looks like it's closing in on you.  You've got to outsmart things, you've got to have perfect timing.  I know that I'm never going to be able to travel around the country like you.  I should have done that when I first left Mpls but there was just no agreement I would reach with myself.  Then just as I decided to go to Cape Cod with Barb, POWIE one golf club in the head -- now what kind of fucking thing is that to determine part of my life?  But it did,k I mean I could have been living on Cape Cod and sailing with the Kennedys.

I feel like mother hen.  You're damn well going to do what you want anyway!

Anyway I'm very happy and everything is fine.  I only wish Bill could find a JOB!!!!!  Today is his birthday but we celebrated Sat night.  I found him a ring while strolling around Kinkytown at the U.  You just can't knock it there is something about a college campus in the fall and the sound of the rah rah of the football games that gets ya right in the old nostalgia-melancholy-"The autumn leaves drift by my window" type of deal.  I'm too mush and dig all that stuff anyway.  But our lives are happy and these are the best days and everything is better.  We're so much stronger in some way -- the right ways and our weaknesses are for the things we love.

I must close and get busy around here.

I finally bought a new bed.  A bed, I'm actually going to sleep in a bed!!!  My apt looks a little more decent, I've painted and tried to get all "homey" things for home living!!!!

Bill sends a BIG HELLO!

Take care take care.

October 13, 1972 (Letter from Van)

It's really good to hear form you Paul.  It sounds as though you are giving yourself a real workout.  I'd hate to have to work your hours and still attend classes.  But, at lest you work alone without having someone over your shoulder everytime you turn around.  I have to keep on my toes, especially after having been given Jim Bonner's station and his schedule.  He went on vacation for the month of October.  If he comes back, I believe he will only be working on weekends.  So that leaves me pretty well off having his station.  Of course, Boyd got a little irritated Art moved me into Jim's station instead of moving Boys into it.  At least I still know I'm on Art's good side and not having to put up with the games he plays, like some employees there, is a relief in itself.

Randy and I are really getting spoiled as far as the "smoke it" goes.  In the past 2 weeks alone we have gone through $300 worth of primo hash oil.  You think you got loaded from the "Columbo" this past summer, don't you.  Well, you wouldn't ever believe how loaded Randy and I have gotten after going through two $10 joints in one day.  I'd send you a sample but I really don't want to risk it.  Being caught with oil iis like being caught with heroin.  They really hand you for it.  After all, oil is 4 times as potent as primo hash.  Approximately 62% THC content is obtained in oil, compared to 4% in weed.  It's quite an extreme, believe me.

Randy and I went to the Joe Cocker concert two weeks ago in Long Beach.  It wasn't as good as we had anticipated it to be.  John Mark Almond played also.  They were the whole show.  On Oct 23rd, we are going to see Elton John and Family at the Forum.  We also have tickets for the Moody's Nov 1st, which incidentally begins a two week vacation for us.  I asked Art for a two week vacation which we both badly need.  Between you and I, I gave him the line that we wanted to go East and visit our parents.  But actually we hope to go north to Frisco and Oregon.  The Cottage never did close down, as expected, so that completely bummed us out for sure.  So that prompted me to take the initiate and ask for a couple weeks off.

As for my car, that's another story.  Three weeks ago I had my car towed to a mechanic in Newport to have him put it back together for me.  I got tired of hassling with it.  There it sits, still waiting for the bearings to arrive.  The mechanic was having trouble locating the correct size bearing so I finally told him where he could get them.  So I hope it will be ready before the Elton John concert because I had previously planned to drive there.

The weather here is beginning to sour a bit, as it has been raining off and on lately.  But I keep telling Randy things are going to change once the car is on the road.  I say it encouragingly, continuously to keep ourselves from thinking about the boredom we are experiencing.  After all, the end of November begins the peak of all who fall under the sign of the Capricorn, of which I am a part of.  Things should start picking up soon, I hope.  It does sound encouraging, though, doesn't it!  Well, all I can say now is that time will tell.  We'll continue with an up to date smoke it scene as each month becomes a little better.  Take care and write soon Paul.

October 9, 1972 (Letter from Herb)

Pablo, how the fuck are you?  Enough of the formalities, though.  Believe it or not, in a strange sort of way, I miss Buffalo, or maybe it's just school.  Whatever, it was good hearing from you.

My life is progressing fine.  Work is great.  I really enjoy my job.  I'm learning quite a bit, everyone is friendly, and the work just couldn't be more interesting.  Guess I really got lucky landing a job here.  The area is beautiful -- autumn never seemed so beautiful.  (Can't imagine saying that in Buffalo.)  No shit, this country is really pretty.  Pennsylvania is a nice state -- I've even got Pennsy plates on my car -- I'm a goddamn Pennsylvanian.

I've been keeping myself very busy.  Work takes up most of my time -- but I do a few other things.  I've met a few people -- but incredibly interesting -- nothing like your typical college graduate.  That's the best thing about being out of school I think, meeting people who aren't so alike.  Looking back, I can't believe how alike everyone I knew was.  Background, manners, dress, etc.  It's really a great change.  I've had a few dates and I'm trying hard to meet girls.  I want to start going out a lot.  I enjoy it, and I"m no where near ready to spend my life with one someone.

Hey, isn't it weird that Kenny and I are so close to each other.  I speak to him pretty often -- it's reassuring having a close friend nearby, it makes things all the more comfortable.   You should be hearing from him soon -- he's been busting his ass though, and hasn't had too much time to write.

My apartment is really shaping up.  It's quite a place -- luxury personified -- no where near the typical student dwelling I was used to.  I'm building a desk -- yeah old clutzy Herb.  Well, I'm gonna try.  I need a hobby so if I enjoy it, I'll be able to furnish the whole place.

Paul, you gotta get down here -- it's no Laguna but I'll do.  We got good dope, pretty girls, great countryside, refreshing beer, plenty of room, and me and Kenny.  Anytime you can -- write.  I save all the good stuff to bullshit about over a good brew.  Best of everything.

October 5, 1972 (Letter from Renee)

Although I am sitting here at my desk with 150 test papers and an additional 150 essay papers to grade I just can't bring myself to sit here and dive into my work.  So here I am, writing a long overdue letter to a very dear friend -- which is something I would much rather do anyhow!

Everything is just super great with me.  I've never been happier teaching and I am very excited and motivated about my work.  As it turned out last year was like night as opposed to the day I am having teaching this year.  My kids are wonderful -- we get along just fine -- in fact, I don't even have one kid I can say I even slightly dislike.  I have learned to be myself in the classroom and it really is a pleasure to work with the kids.  I sort of have an honest policy with them -- I don't bullshit them and likewise they don't bullshit me.  For the first time ever I am excited about what materials I am teaching.  I am motivated to spend those extra hours at night to insure an interesting and productive class period(s) the next day.  I guess to sum it up I feel that at last I have a sense of direction.  I know where I am going, what I am doing, and what to expect from the kids.  If the teacher feels confident then half the battle is won.  Also, I can come home at night and be "ME" instead of the bitch grouch I was last year -- and Morrey  has really noticed the change for the better.  I keep wondering when this honeymoon with the kids will be over -- but so far all has gone well and I think I've got the kids on my side!

As for other things -- we've been quite busy -- attending parties, going to football games, shopping, going to classes at night (Morrey is), etc.  Right now Morrey is on his way to Warren with two of his friends for a three day fishing soiree.  I doubt very much if they catch any fish -- I think they are more interested in getting away from it all and having a good time with the "guys".  I really don't mind that Morrey goes cause it gives me a chance to be alone with myself which is quite a unique experience after being married for 3 years and hardly ever being apart.  It makes me feel sort of independent and responsible for myself and sometimes it is just nice to be by one's self and hold private conversations with yourself that you rarely ever do at any other time.  I guess I feel this way cause I have never ever been alone -- I always lived with somebody and had people around me -- so it is a unique and independent feeling.

Morrey and I just recently purchased a 1973 VW Superbeetle as our second car.  We now own two VW's -- one is cherry red and the other is kind of fiery orange.  They look cute next to each other in the parking lot -- they are cheap to run, and they run very well.  At any rate, we are very happy about having two cars since we were sharing one car until now and it made life quite inconvenient at times since we both work in different areas of the city and live quite a ways from where we work.  It is an added expense but a necessary evil.  That's another reason why I'm feeling so independent these days -- I have my own car and can move around to where I have to go without scheduling "my turn for the car" this week syndrome.

I am also tutoring a little 8th grade girl this year who has a learning disability.  She is just slightly brain damaged -- enough to make it difficult for her to grasp concepts, organize thoughts, take the part from the whole and put it back together again.  She really is a delight and very cooperative.  I make ten dollars a week tutoring and that's enough to pay for my gas back and forth to school each week.  Actually Morrey and I agreed that I could save the $50 a month that I make by tutoring since I would like to take some kind of pleasure trip during Xmas vacation and since Morrey cannot get away it would be unfair of me to take the money from either of our salaries to pay for it.  Right now we're pretty much in the hold again with the new car, $500 worth of crown work on my teeth, and bills for back to school clothes.  Oh well -- what's life without a few bills!  I never really worried about them before and I don't suppose I'll start right now.  We're both working so why should we skimp so that we can sit home and count our money for the day we retire.  The time to enjoy it is now while we are both young and healthy.  I guess our motto is "Broke, but happy!"

I am starting to get involved in a few more activities at school, and I am finding that the busier I am the more I like it and the more efficient I am at getting my work done.  I can be quite a procrastinator when I have nothing to do.

I am glad to hear that you are back at school finishing that last long stretch before you get the little piece of paper in your hot little hands that says "you're' OK".  I am also glad to hear that you enjoyed your experiences in California.  Sounds like you had a chance to find yourself out there and make some pretty important decision about the direction of your life.  In a way I regret never having to be on my own cause I fell that sometimes I lean to heavily upon Morrey for making decisions and taking responsibility.  I've always been very secure and more or less "protected" and I kind of wonder what the experience of "fending for myself" and being on my own would have added to my personality.   Oh well -- I'm me and I guess I'm not going to change a whole lot.

Believe it or not Paul I sometimes still feel like a "kid" -- like I'm still learning what "growing up and maturing are all about".  I guess that when I was a kid I thought everyone was automatically a "grownup" when they were 21 --- well --- some of us take a little longer and I don't feel in any way that I have completely finished that "Growing up" stage just yet.  I'm still basically insecure about myself -- still searching to find out about me and why I do what I do and why I act like I act.  Funny, Morrey knows me better than I know me -- and it is a disquieting feeling at times.  I am so easily swayed by other people's ideas and opinions, I feel that I am not creative enough, sometimes I actually feel really stupid -- like how did I ever manage to get a college degree?  I'm really not attempting to put myself down in any way Paul -- I guess I'm just stating some of the anxieties I am feeling about myself.  There is so much to do in life -- so many things to be accomplished, I'm just so afraid that I will become comfortable with the "me" here and now that I'll quite trying to become a better person -- a more intelligent, wise, thoughtful, and creative one.  I feel like I have lots to give yet I am afraid to becoming static, satisfied with my pleasant surroundings and the status-quo. I guess to sum it up a psychiatrist would probably say that I'm still growing up!  (My conclusion precisely my dear Watson!)

Well, I've gone on and on about me and you'll probably think I'm a real self-centered egomaniac.  I do enjoy our correspondence so very much.  I really treasure the letters I receive from you and I don't feel that I have to write back out of politeness -- but because I really want to.  I know typing, spelling and punctuation are atrocious -- especially from an English teacher, but I kind of write what I feel and to hell with the formalities of English composition!!  (Mrs. Coe will you ever forgive me?)

Must get back to those nasty compositions I have to grade.

Be well Paul!  Take care and write soon.  Also, when can you get out here to visit us?  I can't write as much as I can talk!  (how true -- how true!)

September 25, 1972 (Letter from Mardi)

Thought I'd drop you a few quick lines before I get to my exciting job this morning!\
You may know by now, but Barb's mother died Fri night.  I talked to her Fri night and everyone is OK, at least her and her father, Tim and Dan are doing fine.  Everyone is relieved that she is no longer suffering.  The funeral was today.  I guess Rick was going to try and get there.

My mother also was talking to Mark and he has gotten a divorce.  I'll have to drop him a line.  Barb and I were talking about Joan and she and Freddie are having a very bad time of it too.  I hope she gets her student teaching in.  Joan has tried to file for divorce, but Freddie manages to show and talk her out of it.  She hasn't discussed it with anyone but Barb.  As for Bill and I we're still keeping things separated and relaxed.  Sue should be moving in at the end of the week.  I have painted the trim in my bedroom and have gotten an antique vanity and dresser for Sue and I.  I'm tackling the kitchen next and then the bath, things will be organized soon!  (Organized? never but..)

I can't believe you're at Gleason's again.  Immediately projected back to 1969-70?  It's better than not working t all.  I'm glad you applied at U of M, their library science may not be too demanding but it's one of the best universities there are.  Minneapolis and Minnesota, unfortunately, are not familiar or do not hit people as being a well-established hub of the midwest.  The word "midwest" alone tends to turn people from the east or west away, I certainly never pictured it to be what it really is.  It's really a unique city right now.  Everyone has all the culture and activities of the city within reach, but have a community life and family life as well.  I'm sure though that good old Msp will be expanding its boundaries and pushing the rural and suburban communities out of touch with the city.  I think tomorrow I'll join the JC's!??

Anyway, I know how you fell about being back at UB.  It doesn't feel like the same place.  It never is when the people are gone.  It doesn't make any difference where you are.  People make your life, not the place.  BUT I doubt if I'll ever move to Warren, Pa.  Let's be sensible!  I feel sorry for Foster, I can't get over his inability to "cope"!  He's just as bad as, or worse than the rest of the people in Warren.  He's had more than his share of opportunities.  I can't figure out what he expects from life.  He wants a well paying job, car, apt, etc right now!  He's going to get a late start.  I hope he gets something so he can get away before it's too late.  He's so afraid of not succeeding that he's not.  Oh gosh oh me!

I've got to close and get to work.  Take care.

Went to see the Allman Brothers again, just love 'em.  ZOWIE!

September 3, 1972 (Letter from Tony)

It has been a long time, my friend and I have much to tell you.

I am in Berkeley, California and have been since Thursday. Tomorrow I move into my dorm room and another year of school begins.  I want to say that it's hard to believe but that just isn't true.  I've been out here mentally since Aug 13, the day after Jerry's and my car died.

All summer long I knew I would be leaving but it wasn't a reality.  I was very much involved in Buffalo, Gowanda, Springville, etc., on a day to day basis, but nonetheless it was my existence; thinking of changing it just was an abstraction.  All my needs were being satisfied, or at least enough of them that I was perfectly content, a point I shall elaborate on later.

On the day I left for New York, the Friday before the 13th, Jerry and I woke up at 9am and I was going to drive him to work.  (He had a second job with an architectural firm in Buffalo.)  We had gotten in from Gowanda and our going away party there about 5 am.  Jerry said he would ride my bike to work, I could go back to sleep and he would have a way home.  I said OK and went back to sleep.  I finally got up and left Buffalo with my two riders about 2, and drove to Harvey's house.  Saturday he and I visited Elise and Marty, Janet (Harvey's flame for the summer and Elise's best friend), Kenny and Janet, Harvey and I drove in to see Tom Rush in Central Park.  The concert was very nice and driving to Manhattan was tremendous.  I really got into the role of a New York driver.  Anyway, on Sunday on the way back, our gleaming beauty ran through more oil than ever before and after 170 miles of driving it was low enough for the engine to seize up.  Totaled.  It cost $31 to have it towed, the tower was really a bastard.  Enough of the sordid details from that end.

I called Jerry to tell him.  Actually I had called Sunshine House and they got in touch with him and I called him back there.  So eh already knew before I talked to him.  When I started to tell him, he cut in ad said, "Tony first of all I want to tell you that your bike was ripped off."  I started to laugh hysterically.  The only two things of any value that I owned and in one weekend they disappear.

Jerry had felt very badly about having the bike stolen while he had it.  He had locked it and put it on the front porch of the place he worked on Elmwood Ave.  He had tried to figure out how he could make it up to me and he decided he would give me his half of the car.  So when I called and we told each other what happened we were more relieved than upset.  I had felt badly about the car and he had felt badly about the bike.  But it all evened out.

Up until this point, I hadn't been ready to leave Buffalo.  I was very anxious about leaving.  After that it was much easier.  That car provided the theme for the summer, with it gone, my mind was ready to think about life out here and my body finally arrived a week and a half later.

It was exciting to make all new plans and get everything reorganized.  I spent a day walking from Springville to Gowanda along Cattaraugus Creek, through Zoar Valley.  It wasn't as nice as it sounds because it rained but it was enjoyable.

Now, with the preliminaries out of the way, I shall get down to the serious part of my letter.

The week before I went to New York, my sister Rose's husband attempted suicide.  They hadn't been living together since March, but things had started looking better the last month when suddenly Kim snapped.  He took half a bottle of aspirin.  He was in the psychiatric ward of the hospital for a while, he refused to cooperate with the doctors, he was released.  He went back to the room he had been staying in.  One day he telephoned my sister and told her some voices in his head told him to burn her car but that he wouldn't do that because he was too rational.  A few days later, a fire broke out in Kim's room, destroying most of his clothes, his books and records.  He escaped unharmed.  No one was sure what started the fire.  Kim went back in as a patient at the  hospital.  He was given electric shock treatment.  My sister, as a nurse, had worked on a psychiatric ward previously and had seen the effect of electric shocks.  Now this man she had lived with for a year, learned to share with and depend on, was going through that treatment.  She could envision him convulsing on the table.  And she knew that very few of the patients she had worked with had been helped by this method.  It is somewhat of a last ditch attempt.

Rose had been thinking of getting an annulment for some time, she had felt, however, extremely guilty about doing so.  She felt some responsibility for making her marriage work, even now.  And the worst part was that she began to wonder, why had the marriage not worked, what had caused Kim to become so distant, so withdrawn, what had pushed him to commit suicide and led him to the state he was in now.  What part had she, as the closest, by far the closest, person to him played in this tragedy.

I went down to visit her on the 20th.  I had planned a long time ago to stop there on my way out to Calif with my car, then when my car died and I heard about what was happening I flew down to be with her for 4 days.

I had suggested a divorce to her a long time ago, at that time she was very much opposed.  Now, with so many things changed, she had decided to file for an annulment.  The major reason was that Kim's parents were coming up from Louisville to take him back and commit him to a private institution.  There is an Ohio state law that prohibits any separation, annulment or divorce from a person committed to a mental institution, for a period of 4 years.  If Kim were to improve, they might possibly be able to get back together.  If not, she would have to wait 4 years.  (It is 7 years in N.Y.)

The day after I left, Friday Aug 24, Rose filed for the annulment.  It cost $300.  The next day Kim's parents took him to Louisville where everything had been set up and he was committed.  Rose went down the next Monday to see him. That day a blood vessel in Kim's brain burst and Kim died.  A memorial service was held the next night, Kim was then cremated.  Rose never saw him after he died. When I talked to her, she felt numb, a lack of feeling rather than anything else.  This was three days before he had died.  Rose went back to Columbus because she just couldn't stand being around Kim's mother.  That woman had been hysterical.  On sympathy cards sent to her and her husband, she crossed out "son" and put her name there.

Paul, when I left after those 4 days down there, I was really depressed.  There was almost nothing I could do for Rose, and she was going through such hell.  All summer had been so hard for her and then, after a ray of hope, everything crashed down on her.  My god, how much pain can a person be expected to endure.

A long time ago Rose and I had talked about suicide and she had said that if a person could look ahead and see more pain than happiness then she saw suicide as a viable alternative.  I just hope she has enough life left in her that she wants to continue fighting on.

She's been working 40 hours a week and the job of a nurse isn't a very cheery one.  That has been of minor importance but this long drawn out suffering has soured that even more and tinged everything else in her lie.  She was quite cynical when I visited, she didn't trust many people, she couldn't enjoy many things.

And her question and the one I put to you is WHY?

WHY did she have to go through this.

WHY did Kim, an intelligent, young, healthy man go insane and then die.

I can only shrug my shoulders and ascribe it to bad luck.  There is a possibility for disaster every moment of one's life.  I must accept it and to some extent forget it.

I have been on my own out here and I've been extremely excited about conquering new worlds, on my own.  Yet at any time, my frailty and insignificance could overwhelm me and then, what of my little triumphs.

I refuse to dwell on that because I have no answers, not even a hope of seeing the answer.  I would be most interested to hear your views.

I am now actually quite happy and bursting with confidence.  I fell primed to handle anything normal that comes my way.  My creativity is merely waiting for a channel and I'm sure it will soon come up.  Buffalo was a little too comfortable this past summer.

This is the theme I was running through my mind this afternoon as I was walking around Berkeley.  This letter is getting rather long but I want to get this last part down and then I'll end.

I had, in 4 years, established myself in Buffalo to such an extent that I had no dreams.  You mentioned the idea of living your dreams.  Well, I guess my last 5 months in Buffalo, I had no more dreams to strive for.  I was very happy to live my day to day existence.  I had many friends around and man y people I respected.

In you, Jerry, Michael, Joanie, Dr. Holmes, and John in Springville I had around me people that I admired and was learning from.  I was, again, content to absorb all these good influences and work 3 days and entertain myself the other 4.  And things were set up so that I didn't have to look for entertainment.  I had everything right there.  There were always people, friends, to party with.

All the patterns had been worked out, their needs and mine were pretty clear and understood.  The people I wanted round me the most were around me the most.

You, with your individuality and personal philosophy, Jerry, with his sharp mind and impressive manner, Michael, with his lightness and simple enjoyment energy, Joanie, with her strength and her gregarious personality, Holmes, with this scientific and somewhat cynical approach to life, and John with his creativity and a really basic enjoyment of himself, had the qualities that I felt I lacked or was weak in.  I watched, listened and shared with these people, now I am no longer a student in the classroom; now is the time for me to synthesize all these things into my own shape.

Of course I had tried all these things in Buffalo, but I had been limited by the very structure I had spent so much time building.

Old habits persisted, expectations on both sides had been established and the surroundings were too comfortable, I had pretty much attained all I wanted or hoped to in Buffalo.

Now I am in a place with no established social structure around me.  I shall in the next three years build on, and it is up to me to design it, and I am looking forward to that eagerly.  It will be a test, a challenge.

I have started a journal to record what happens and how I fell and also to serve as a reminder for when I start to ease up.  I fell very well organized, even physically.  All my belongings are here in 2 suitcases and a back pack or else in the attic of 75 LeBrun.  All I need is here with me.  Mentally I feel sharp and confident and I have so far kept the newness and strangeness as a positive tool rather than as a scary destructive force.  I feel very much in control of the situation.

I've been pacing myself, giving me time for reflection and organizing and dreaming.  You see, now I can dream again.

And these dream can be more ambitious than any that I ever had before and I have 34 years here to fulfill them and then on to another set.  I would like to somehow keep this newness around me, but realistically I see it fading and being replaced by the somewhat more staid feeling of familiarity.

Perhaps I can learn to use accomplishments as fuel to fire my dreams, but that might also lead to disappointment.

Well, we'll see how it turns out.  I have been somewhat spoiled by my good luck, I have usually had the right thing come up without having to push for it.  If, again, I can transfer that to a basis of confidence from which I can move up, I shall be very pleased.

It looks to be an exciting time ahead.  Write and tell me what happened at the closing scenes of the "Cottage Story".  That position you were in seemed a lot like mine in Buffalo.

I talked to Ralph just before I left.  He still wasn't sure what he was going to be up to after Chautauqua closed.  maybe he's in Florida working in a hotel.  Maybe he's bicycling around the world.  At last report Herbie was doing much better.  I have to write to him soon.

August 20, 1972 (Letter from Mardi)

Glad to see you are staying put till Labor Day?

I just got a call from my mother and she is making reservation to come out here over the long Labor Day weekend.  So if she can get good connections she'll be out.  Bill has moved out of here and is staying at his house.  We decided we both had to call it quits for awhile.  Bill is only working part-time and we are trying to make ends meet and driving each other crazy we decided to call it off.  What really drives me "dingy" is having no stereo!!!

I hope you get a chance to stop in here and see me.  Right now we're having the good old 99-100 weather.  It is driving me crazy.  One of the guys at work who handles houses says possibly he can get an air-conditioner from one of the homes before he resells it.  Of course, then I won't need it.

There isn't too much news happening here.  School will be starting in another month, and I'm not in the mood, whatever the mood is!  Take care and maybe we will see you soon.

August 14, 1972 (Letter from Renee)

It was so nice to return home and find your letter in the mailbox today.  As always I enjoy hearing form you and it gives me such a warm feeling to know that we are continuing our correspondence.

I have so many millions other things that I should be doing today (the laundry, cleaning the apt. etc.) but  I find that I would much rather choose the "escape" route and spend a quiet afternoon at my desk.  I really enjoy the peace, quiet, and solitude of the late afternoon hours when I am at home doing whatever I feel like doing.  I tend to work, write and just sit in spurts and I can't say that I mind it at all.  There is something to be said for just being alone with only thoughts and I rather enjoy  day when I don't even hear the sound of my own voice until Morrey comes home from work.

Morrey and I returned late last night from a weekend trip to Warren.  My brother Hersh and his wife and daughter were there from Omaha and we had a most enjoyable visit.  We reminisced a good deal about when we were kids living at home and we stayed up half the night just talking and joking around. My parents, of course, are always in 7th heaven when anyone of us kids comes home for a weekend and it gave us a good deal of pleasure to see the old twinkle in their eyes when we were ll together laughing and having a merry time of it.  Really, Morrey and I are very fortunate since we both love to go to the cottage and we get along so well with my parents.  Sometimes they are really the life of the party and there really is no such thing as a generation gap when we are with them.  Morrey and I have a relationship with my folks that is ideal.   They are like our best friends and they seem to enjoy doing anything we choose to do.  My folks have always (as I'm sure you know) been quite hospitable and their warmth, good humor, and general sense of "fun" makes any visit to Warren most relaxing and highly enjoyable.  My folks have never interfered in any way with the way Morrey and I live -- they are always willing to extend us a hand if we need it and they never pry into our personal business.  We surely are two very lucky people.  Although my family was never very close when I was younger because of the age differences then, we sure do make up for it now!

I really don't' have much in the say of "news" to tell you about.l  School started on Sept 5 (3 weeks away) and I'm nowhere near ready.  I keep putting things off thinking I still have plenty of time to do them but time is quickly passing by and at the rate I'm going I'll be ready for school on January 1, 1973.

I can't begin to tell you how much I've enjoyed this summer.  Everything has been so carefree, devil-may-care.  I've done a few of the things I had planned to do, relaxed a great deal -- and just plain old "been myself".  This is the first time in a long time Morrey and I haven't had financial worries and somehow we've managed to do just about everything we've wanted to do all summer.  Th ere isn't a single thing I can think of that I desire, or need or want and I'd never deemed that all these things would come true for me.  I used to think that it would take us 10-15 years of married life before I'd have everything I wanted, but I find that I have all those things, and more right here and now.   How wonderful life is Paul -- how exciting, alive, vibrant and wonderful I feel!  I guess not many people are as lucky as Morrey and I to have each other, to have the things we want together, and to do anything we ant at any time without being tied down in any way or responsible to anyone but ourselves.  At times I think we are rather selfish in feeling this way but I know that we both work very hard to reach our goals and we are constantly setting new heights to be reached so that we will never be satisfied with the "status-quo" or even settle down to it.  There's too much of life to live, too many things to see and do and try to ever make us stand still and stay happy for long.  I don't want to close myself up to the rest of the world with a certain social set of friends, or a particularly "perfect" set of surroundings by the time I'm middle-aged.  What is perfect and good today will have flaws tomorrow.  I never want to become stagnated and stale just because I accept everything that surrounds me.  Life moves on and in order to feel really alive and part of it all we must move as well.  Fairy tales that come true are never what one thought they would be-0- nor are they perfect.  Well, enough of my philosophy for now.  I really must close for now since my "man" will be home soon and I have to do a few chores yet today.

Be well, take care and write again soon.

August 13, 1972 (Letter from Kenny)

Hi asshole!  How the fuck are you?  I'm sorry I haven't written but I've had a lot on my mind until recently.  To make it short I got into Univ of Penn and I had a big decision to make between Penn and NYU.  I was going out of my mind as I'm sure you can well imagine.  I called all the big firms in MY and they said the schools now were pretty equal because NYU has come a long way.  I went to Phil to talk to the people there and all in all I still came up with a deadlock.  I talked to one guy who said he had the same decision last yr but went to Penn because they gave him more money (the reverse was true in my case).  I told him I was really caught up in the Ivy League mystique with Penn and went on for about 15 minutes about that.  He said the Ivy League really wasn't that important so I asked him where he went as an undergraduate, and naturally he said Harvard.  I decided to go to NYU at first because I knew people going there and figured I'd be comfortable.  After thinking about it though it seemed stupid because I'd be going to be with people I wasn't that crazy about and for 3 yrs I'd stagnate with the same people.  So I'm going to Penn and meet all new people and although I don't think I'll do as well as if I'd gone to NYU whatever I lack in that respect perhaps I'll make up as far as being a more well-rounded person.  I got a single in the dorms and I'm trying for one with a semi-[private bathroom.  School starts August 29th which is a real kick in the ass but what the hell.  I don't know my address there yet so you can still get a hold of me here.

I haven't gotten to Wolfe's book yet but when I do (hopefully soon) I'll write you my feelings.  I'm really glad that you seem to content with everything because that's really good.  Tony was in N.Y. yesterday and he and Harvey stopped over for awhile.  He's driving out to Calif in 8/21 and he wants to meet you at the Grand Canyon or something.  It's great to hear that he can go home now and that he and his father can get along.  It would have been a hell of a thing to go to Calif knowing you might never see your home again.  How are all the people in Warren?  I'm going to be a Pennsylvania resident now too.  Herb is pretty happy I'm going to school in Philly although at last report he's been meeting some people finally.  I saw Chris about 3 wks ago and he and Judy did break up although he seemed to be handling it pretty well.

Guess what?  Eric and Linda are engaged!?  Lauren and I went out with them last Friday to see Slaughterhouse Five and we found out rather unexpectedly.  They're getting married next summer.  This past Saturday (last night as a matter of fact) I went to a friend's engagement party and saw some friends from high school I haven't seen in 2 yrs.  It was really strange seeing kids I grew up with getting engaged.  Lauren really wants to get married next summer also so I don't know what's going to happen.  I want to in some respects but as of now I don't want to in other respects.  It's either next summer or the summer after but I don't know which, that's pretty scary too.

Slaughterhouse Five is a pretty good film and it's worth seeing if you haven't already done so.  I didn't read the book so it was confusing at first but it was well done.

I got tickets to the Stones concert for the last night of the tour (also Jagger's birthday).  They were pretty shitty though (behind the stage in God's country) so naturally I sold them and have regretted it ever since.  I'm not working anymore but just taking it easy and leading the good life.

Write soon if you can and let me know when you're hitting the east coast.  Take it easy and stay content (better word than happy).

August 12, 1972 (Letter from Chris)

Just a quick note before I go to work.  Hope everything's still going well for you.  Things are fine here except that I have not had time to do anything but work and sleep.  I did get to see the Stones when they were here, but it wasn't so great.

Are you or aren't you going back to school?  Maybe by now you've decided to become a monk and do all your writing on some distant mountain top.  No, huh?  Well, it's just as well.

I've just harvested my first crop of grass from the yard, and in a few days, when it's completely dried I'll put it to the test.  I wonder what ever happened to all the stuff growing on the side at 4028 Bailey.

Herb and Kenny dropped by on Saturday while I was still sleeping.  They were very exciting to see and be with.  Kenny and Lauren still aren't married.  Herb has nothing to do after work, so he's starting to build an amplifier from a kit.

Work is starting to get interesting now.  I usually stay after I'm closed up -- and sit at the bar with a few kids.  Sometimes we get stoned -- and just sit around till 4:30-5:30 in the morning.  If we get hungry -- well, it's a fucking restaurant isn't it.  I've even been raped twice in the last month.  Unfortunately by the same girl both times.  (I think I'm pregnant.)  Last month my life was threatened by four rather obscene youngsters who didn't like the fact that I was having them arrested for theft of service.  (They walked out without paying.)  But these things happen.  What would life be like without some excitement.  Unexciting,  probably.

There's not much for me to say now.  I just finished writing to an old friend, and it seems that every time I write two letters in a row the second is always from hunger.  So I apologize for writing and not saying anything.

But I just wanted to say hello -- send my best wishes and see if you're still alive.  Drop a note sometime.  And if you think you'll be around here sometime -- give an advance notice.  If you'll be back at school, I'll definitely see you there whenever I visit.  Be good - take care.

August 11, 1972 (Letter from Mardi)

I certainly hope you got your raise and have had time not to ponder on the moves to be made.  How's that for advice?  I know actually what you're experiencing.  It's the old "what are you going to do now" syndrome.  When people begin to ask you that and you have a variety of four or five answers, you're in trouble.  Unfortunately, there is no cure but time and good nerves.  You've got to concentrate on one step at t time -- which is impossible because they are usually all related.  If I were you (good and easy for me to say), I'd put my efforts into getting to Buffalo and finishing school and getting a little money in the meantime -- if you can! Then after that, it's POW decision time.  There will be a number of ways to go but which will you take.  (I sound like an announcer for a soap opera.)  The lady or the tiger type of deal.  It's a royal bummer no matter what.  Maybe if Laguna had been a disappointment the very first time, things would have taken a turn, but such is not the case.  All you do is work toward something that seems to be the answer every time and when you've got it all, it is no challenge.  (Simple as that!??)  It goes like that continually.  If you got your fully equipped van, the ideas and drives you had along with your van may have changed.   You just can't win.  I can't see doing anything for a long period of time and being content with it.  Anyway, I wish you good luck and don't worry about your change of heart concerning your present lifestyle.  You do have to push yourself, I know, especially if you want to write.  You'll have to discipline yourself and your habits.  Cheer up.  That's better.
\
Boston was a good time last week.  I had to keep telling myself when I got to Buffalo to changes planes that I wasn't going to Jamestown or Pgh, but Boston!  I got to downtown Bos and to Harvard Square a couple of times.  Rick clued me in on the ins and outs of good healthy grass growing.  He even gave me a book so I can get started "properly".  Barb rented a car on Tuesday and we finally left for the Cape Wednesday, after it was doubtful on getting a tent.  Anyway we got to a camp ground in Brewster near Hyannis and set up our little home.  The tent was great, big, roomy and warm.  We fixed a fantastic meal and then at 9 or so we drove to the ocean, came back, smoked and drank.  Rick and I played cards and we were really enjoying the great outdoors.  Then the next morning as we were fixing breakfast Rick was cutting a piece of board with an ax and a hammer.  Next thing rick is spurting blood from the artery in his arm.  A piece of the hammer had flown off and hit his arm and lodged there.  So we immediately took him to a doctor who gave him a shot and wrapped the arm and sent us to Cape Cod Hospital in Hyannis where we spent the remainder of the day.  They took x-rays, but him in emergency and then took him up to surgery to repair the artery and vein.  The doctor had said it was very serious and was lucky that the surgery went OK.  Naturally, we had to wait during each procedure.  The doctors and nurses at the hospital were great though. So we said goodnight to Rick about 10:30 pm and went to see Linda and Kinky at Petrillo's where we had a couple of drinks and found out Linda was pregnant.  Such excitement in one day was too much.  Anyway when we finally got settled in our tent it started to rain.  We kept our fingers crossed and thankfully we stayed warm and dry all night.  Friday Barb left me at the beach all afternoon where I had a ball.  How can you get tired of the ocean?  YOU FOOL!   Just kidding!!!  One day is hardly a comparison to one month.  We left the Cape Friday around 6 or 7, and got back to Boston around 9.  Took Rick home and he has sworn he will never venture out of Boston again.  He's really getting paranoid about any travel at all.

So Barb and I stayed up all night Friday just about and we were rudely awoken at 12:30 by my mother -- who else?  So Sat we did the laundry and spent the day at the park.  The three of us went out to dinner and just mellonized at this fantastic inexpensive Italian restrained.  It would have been so much nicer without Rick's accident.  I got back Sunday and have been working around the house.  Larry, the owner downstairs, is pretty sure he can get Bill into his construction company, which would be nice.  Bill has been helping him build his new house and then I think we get a reduction in rent.  Larry and his wife are really nice.  They are always up drinking with us.  Anderson has applied at NSP and NWB -- electric and telephone, but they won't be able to let him know for awhile.  I know if he gets a good job he'll be better off -- not to mention how better off my state of mind would be!

I must close and get busy here.  Take care and I hope we'll see you after Labor Day?

August 9, 1972 (Letter from Mardi)

Just a brief note to say that I went to Boston and back in one piece.  Naturally everytime I go somewhere something happens like a major tragedy.  This time was no different.  As we were camping on beautiful Cape Cod the very first morning,  Rick cut his arm by a piece off of a hammer.  We spent the entire day in the Cape Cod Hospital in Hyannis.  The piece cut his artery and vein and he had to have surgery!  Barb was freaking out.  Everything went well, though.  So we came back to Boston Friday night.  At least I did manage to spend two days on the beach.  Barb and Rick never got their toes wet. Rick has taken a solemn vow not to leave Boston ever again!  We had absolutely no trouble with the camping at all. The campground looked like tent city but you got used to it.  There were about 12 bikers staying right behind us.  They were pretty nice though and helped Barb and I when Rick was in the hospital   Saturday we finally splurged and went down to Harvard Square and ate at this fantastic Italian restaurant.  Cheap and great food and atmosphere.   We got drunk and stayed up all night!  It's the first time in ages I've been out to dinner and didn't have to pay.  I flew back Sunday and now I'm ready for the work-school routine.  It won't be long.  When will we be seeing you again?

We are getting settled again in our house.  We are happy with the place even though it was so dirty.

I must close an be off.  Take care.

August 3, 1972 (Letter from Renee)

Many thanks for you letter and the promptness of your reply.  It's rather an unusual feeling to have someone to be as conscientious about correspondence as you seem to be and I really commend you for your efforts.

I really don't have too much "news" to tell you since I have been rather lazy and inactive this summer.  Since it is nearing the end of the summer I have begun to get a guilty feeling for not having accomplished all that I'd like to in the way of plans for school in the fall and it has been just this week that I have gotten off my big arse and begun to straighten out my files, do some reading, studying, and intense planning for the months to come.   Although this is not a terribly pleasurable job I am sure that it will save me a considerable amount of time during the school year.  It's rather funny Paul but I am a totally different person when I assume the title of teacher during the school year.  My interest and devotion are centered on only one thing -- what I do in the classroom -- and I sort of block everything else from my mind.  Morrey and I live together but only a small part of my time then is given to my role as homemaker and wife.  I (or should I say we) spend very little time socializing during that time and I can't say that I really suffer by it in the last.  I'm usually so glad to get home at night, out of my school clothes, and out of my "teacher personality" that it takes me a couple of hours just to unwind from the day and begin to look towards "tomorrow".  Morrey really doesn't mind because he is still going to school at night and when I spend 3 hours a night on my schoolwork he spends his time on his own studies -- so everything works out fine.  I guess that is why I've really enjoyed this summer vacation because I've been totally carefree, enjoying my lack of "mental" responsibilities, and spending a good time with the few friends we have.  It is funny but when I teach school we sort of schedule in a little social life on the weekends, and it is so nice in the summer to be able to do anything we want in the evenings, read all night if I want to, and sleep away half of the day!  So much for a description of our "average" lives!

I guess that I'm finally beginning to realize that all my life I've wanted to do just one thing well -- and one thing that I can be proud to have accomplished.  Teaching has a great many opportunities for me to achieve that goal.  I can hardly wait until three or four years have gone by and I have begun to take on other goals and responsibilities as well.  Morrey and I haven't really been joiners in anythings because we like to think that if we join something we share a commitment to participate fully and not just in "name only".  So I guess we'll just take our "slice of life" one bite at a time so that we can cope well with it and do the best we can.  So -- to be (and us) that's what life is all about right now.

Gee -- when I look back on my high school days I can really begin to see how far I've come -- and in many ways it is a good feeling.  I've finally begun to realize the meaning of friendship, devotion, responsibility, and of course, love.  My life is so very different now and my attitudes and ideals have surely changed -- for the better I'd like to think.  I am really wondering when I go back to Warren for my high school class reunion if the others that I had known "way back then" have changed at all.  Did you ever get the feeling Paul that you are just beginning to really "know yourself"?  That's how I feel now.  I've learned to care a lot less about what other people think and a whole lot of the credit belong to my husband whom I feel has a good self-concept and has always been a strong and very independent sort of individual.  It seems that a lot of people I once knew were important to me (Mardi, Barb and the whole gang) I have really lost touch with.  Suffice it to say that we certainly don't' run in the same circles anymore and time has done a lot to change one's feelings and emotions.  I had to learn from Morrey that one must accept people for exactly what they are and the way they are and all the wishing and hoping that they would change to suit me wouldn't do any good for any of us.  I tend to be extremely critical of others, whereas Morrey is very kind and willing to be friendly and accept everyone just the way they are and appreciate them as individuals.  I really have no idea what point it is I'm trying to make -- but I guess I'm just letting my feelings be typed on this paper.  Forgive me if I seem pedantic or overly philosophical.

Morrey and I have one more week of his vacation coming which we are taking the last week in August.  Haven't made any plans about what we're going to do just yet.  We might go to Savannah, Georgia since that's where Morrey's father will be working for the next few months and he's invited us to come down and stay with him for awhile.  We might just go to Pa. and enjoy the peace and serenity at my father's cottage, and we might just go crazy and get on a plane and head for anywhere that sounds appealing.  We really are "spur of the moment people".  I hate to plan things cause by the time we're done planning them and talking about them we're usually bored to death with the whole idea by the time we get to do it.  We've been known to do some pretty crazy and unexpected things -- but that's what makes life such a mystery and so much fun.    As a matter of fact we both hate routines -- like eating every night at 6 on the dot or doing our grocery shopping every (?) Monday, or doing the laundry on Tuesday.  I like to do things when I'm in the mood to do them and not until then.  We feel hemmed in when we start living a routine like that.  In fact, Morrey  commented to me the other night that in the 2 1/2 years we've been  married we've never eaten dinner at the same time two nights in a row!  I guess that's why I'm happy with my teaching job -- never a dull moment -- and working with kids one never knows what to expect.

Well Paul, Morrey just walked in the door after coming back from taking a final exam in Psychology and he's demanding food for the hungry bear so I must close for now.  Please take care and be well.  Write again soon.  Is there any possibility that you might be passing through Columbus on your way back east?  If so we insist that you stay with us for as long as you can.

July 31, 1972 (Letter from Tony)

I'm sitting here on the porch of the Help Center in Gowanda, it's extremely hot and muggy, but we have some broad shade trees, and a nice breeze is blowing through and I feel rather comfortable. 

Time has been racing by.  My summer is drawing to a close and with that, my stay in Buffalo.  I'm going to miss this part of the country.  I know I'll be coming back for vacation but then I'll just be a visitor.  Now I have all the friends and places that have become important to me over the last four years.  Knowing that these will soon be memories, and long distance relationships is pretty sad.

I am trying to maintain a positive frame of mind but it definitely is tempered with sadness.  I am getting psyched up for my trip out there.  I hope to be able to drive Jerry's and my car out.  Jerry may come with me if he gets an interview set up with International University which is somewhere near San Diego.  He's wanting to go there fits in very nicely with a stop in Laguna Beach.  I expect to leave here on Aug 20 and I have to be in Berkeley by Sept 5.

I am now sitting on top of a cliff in Zoar Valley.  It's so incredibly beautiful here.  There are some hawks soaring, they are truly magnificent.

Getting back to my travel plans, would you still be in Laguna Beach around Aug 28-30?  I know that's pretty late if you intent to hitchhike back here.  My route out there will probably be a directly line to Durango, Colorado.  I dont' have all that much time so I'll probably push it from here, across the Plains, until I get into the mountains.  Dr. Jim Homes, the eco professor I worked with has a cabin in the mountains near Durango.  I want to stop by there, from there go on to the Grand Canyon, then down to San Diego and Laguna Beach.  Maybe we could meet in Durango or at the Grand Canyon and spend a few days together.

(I just discovered that this really isn't a 500 ft cliff, it's nothing but a giant anthill.  So goddamn many ants around here.)

I'm going down to see Ralph at Chautauqua today.  I haven't seen him or spoken to him since early June when he stopped by on his way down there.

I went home again last week.  It was very nice again.  One thing bothered me though, that was I regress when I go there, going back at least partially to the sort of actions and ways of thinking that I had when I lived there four years ago.  It's distressing to realize that is still part of me.  I definitely want to try to work that out in the time I have remaining here.  A lot of insecurities that aren't apparent or even relevant other places, came up there.

I saw Michael Kanter two weeks ago.  He came up for a week.  He had a pretty good time in Europe and was in good spirits.

Work in Gowanda has improved.  In the beginning I felt totally useless and somewhat frustrated.  But now that we have the kids working together on a few projects, an ingenious project of utilizing all their energy for public relations for the Help Center.  They get a chance to work together and get something organized.  The socializing processes her are quite poor.

I moved out of 75 LeBrun, I am now living partly at that place, partly at 41 LeBrun, partly at 11 Merrimac, partly at 105 E Main Springville, partly in Colden, partly at Sunshine House and partly in Gowanda.  A very confusing existence but it's working out well.

Your excitement on reading You Can't Go Home Again came across extremely well in your letter and it was very good to see.  It was also very fine to get the stimulation that your letters provide.  As of yet, I don't have the ultimate goal in my life in sight.  Maybe it's to be a lawyer.  T hat so far is the closest thing I've found to what I want to be, but I'll have to experience it a little more before I can say for sure.  I do know now, that I have the patience and the discipline and the strength to dedicate myself to whatever goal does come up.  Right now I am not concentrating on that one goal, now is a time of preparation.  I have a few more things to work out and then I will be completely ready for whatever may come.  I am working on my social development, extending the bounds of where I have been.  Jerry and I have spent a lot of time together and have exchanged a tremendous amount.  My relationship with Joan is the best I have ever had with a girl and has enabled me to work  out some fears and inhibitions.  Both of these people I admire greatly and have been able to get close enough to study these aspects of them that I admire and learn from them.

Joanie knows how to enjoy herself and have other people enjoy.  She is, along with you, one of the two most positive people that I know.  Jerry has a tremendous ability to organize thoughts ad come to some logical problem solving solution.  The more I can pick up from these tow, the better I will be able to be.

Jerry also has a charisma, a natural leadership that comes about from a good deal of self-confidence and a gentle way of directing a situation.  Again, a valuable asset, one that reduces tensions and frustrations and expedites action.

Yes, Paul, life is a process and we are able to make it a life giving process or a death inviting one.  And, yes Paul, you and I are on the way up.  I feel a need for a challenge, a testing of my mettle, a totally intense trip.  Do you remember when Ralph and Tom went canoeing in the Cattaraugus and tipped over.  Ralph and I talked about that later and that was a really beautiful thing that they went through.  To raise the energy output raises the returns.  To know how to channel that energy towards your self-selected goals is a true art.  To know ho much you can put out, which at this point seems to me to be almost limitless, and how much it will cost are extremely valuable things.  But then, you already know this.

I get almost a religious feeling sitting here surrounded by so much beauty.  The stream, ever moving, the valley, so huge and peaceful, the trees, the sky, the hawks, the sun, the wind all this is so basic and so pure and so powerful and so simple.  Bob Dylan wrote a poem to Woody Guthrie and Woody was very sick and mentally ill.  He was in Brooklyn State Hospital. The ending of the poem, after it asked how can you go on when you re so far down and where can you find hope.  (I don't know the exact wording) said you'll find God in heaven and you''l find Woody Guthrie in the Brooklyn State Hospital but for me, I'll find them both in the Grand Canyon. So, see you in the Grand Canyon as we've met here in Zoar.