August 14, 1972 (Letter from Renee)

It was so nice to return home and find your letter in the mailbox today.  As always I enjoy hearing form you and it gives me such a warm feeling to know that we are continuing our correspondence.

I have so many millions other things that I should be doing today (the laundry, cleaning the apt. etc.) but  I find that I would much rather choose the "escape" route and spend a quiet afternoon at my desk.  I really enjoy the peace, quiet, and solitude of the late afternoon hours when I am at home doing whatever I feel like doing.  I tend to work, write and just sit in spurts and I can't say that I mind it at all.  There is something to be said for just being alone with only thoughts and I rather enjoy  day when I don't even hear the sound of my own voice until Morrey comes home from work.

Morrey and I returned late last night from a weekend trip to Warren.  My brother Hersh and his wife and daughter were there from Omaha and we had a most enjoyable visit.  We reminisced a good deal about when we were kids living at home and we stayed up half the night just talking and joking around. My parents, of course, are always in 7th heaven when anyone of us kids comes home for a weekend and it gave us a good deal of pleasure to see the old twinkle in their eyes when we were ll together laughing and having a merry time of it.  Really, Morrey and I are very fortunate since we both love to go to the cottage and we get along so well with my parents.  Sometimes they are really the life of the party and there really is no such thing as a generation gap when we are with them.  Morrey and I have a relationship with my folks that is ideal.   They are like our best friends and they seem to enjoy doing anything we choose to do.  My folks have always (as I'm sure you know) been quite hospitable and their warmth, good humor, and general sense of "fun" makes any visit to Warren most relaxing and highly enjoyable.  My folks have never interfered in any way with the way Morrey and I live -- they are always willing to extend us a hand if we need it and they never pry into our personal business.  We surely are two very lucky people.  Although my family was never very close when I was younger because of the age differences then, we sure do make up for it now!

I really don't' have much in the say of "news" to tell you about.l  School started on Sept 5 (3 weeks away) and I'm nowhere near ready.  I keep putting things off thinking I still have plenty of time to do them but time is quickly passing by and at the rate I'm going I'll be ready for school on January 1, 1973.

I can't begin to tell you how much I've enjoyed this summer.  Everything has been so carefree, devil-may-care.  I've done a few of the things I had planned to do, relaxed a great deal -- and just plain old "been myself".  This is the first time in a long time Morrey and I haven't had financial worries and somehow we've managed to do just about everything we've wanted to do all summer.  Th ere isn't a single thing I can think of that I desire, or need or want and I'd never deemed that all these things would come true for me.  I used to think that it would take us 10-15 years of married life before I'd have everything I wanted, but I find that I have all those things, and more right here and now.   How wonderful life is Paul -- how exciting, alive, vibrant and wonderful I feel!  I guess not many people are as lucky as Morrey and I to have each other, to have the things we want together, and to do anything we ant at any time without being tied down in any way or responsible to anyone but ourselves.  At times I think we are rather selfish in feeling this way but I know that we both work very hard to reach our goals and we are constantly setting new heights to be reached so that we will never be satisfied with the "status-quo" or even settle down to it.  There's too much of life to live, too many things to see and do and try to ever make us stand still and stay happy for long.  I don't want to close myself up to the rest of the world with a certain social set of friends, or a particularly "perfect" set of surroundings by the time I'm middle-aged.  What is perfect and good today will have flaws tomorrow.  I never want to become stagnated and stale just because I accept everything that surrounds me.  Life moves on and in order to feel really alive and part of it all we must move as well.  Fairy tales that come true are never what one thought they would be-0- nor are they perfect.  Well, enough of my philosophy for now.  I really must close for now since my "man" will be home soon and I have to do a few chores yet today.

Be well, take care and write again soon.

August 13, 1972 (Letter from Kenny)

Hi asshole!  How the fuck are you?  I'm sorry I haven't written but I've had a lot on my mind until recently.  To make it short I got into Univ of Penn and I had a big decision to make between Penn and NYU.  I was going out of my mind as I'm sure you can well imagine.  I called all the big firms in MY and they said the schools now were pretty equal because NYU has come a long way.  I went to Phil to talk to the people there and all in all I still came up with a deadlock.  I talked to one guy who said he had the same decision last yr but went to Penn because they gave him more money (the reverse was true in my case).  I told him I was really caught up in the Ivy League mystique with Penn and went on for about 15 minutes about that.  He said the Ivy League really wasn't that important so I asked him where he went as an undergraduate, and naturally he said Harvard.  I decided to go to NYU at first because I knew people going there and figured I'd be comfortable.  After thinking about it though it seemed stupid because I'd be going to be with people I wasn't that crazy about and for 3 yrs I'd stagnate with the same people.  So I'm going to Penn and meet all new people and although I don't think I'll do as well as if I'd gone to NYU whatever I lack in that respect perhaps I'll make up as far as being a more well-rounded person.  I got a single in the dorms and I'm trying for one with a semi-[private bathroom.  School starts August 29th which is a real kick in the ass but what the hell.  I don't know my address there yet so you can still get a hold of me here.

I haven't gotten to Wolfe's book yet but when I do (hopefully soon) I'll write you my feelings.  I'm really glad that you seem to content with everything because that's really good.  Tony was in N.Y. yesterday and he and Harvey stopped over for awhile.  He's driving out to Calif in 8/21 and he wants to meet you at the Grand Canyon or something.  It's great to hear that he can go home now and that he and his father can get along.  It would have been a hell of a thing to go to Calif knowing you might never see your home again.  How are all the people in Warren?  I'm going to be a Pennsylvania resident now too.  Herb is pretty happy I'm going to school in Philly although at last report he's been meeting some people finally.  I saw Chris about 3 wks ago and he and Judy did break up although he seemed to be handling it pretty well.

Guess what?  Eric and Linda are engaged!?  Lauren and I went out with them last Friday to see Slaughterhouse Five and we found out rather unexpectedly.  They're getting married next summer.  This past Saturday (last night as a matter of fact) I went to a friend's engagement party and saw some friends from high school I haven't seen in 2 yrs.  It was really strange seeing kids I grew up with getting engaged.  Lauren really wants to get married next summer also so I don't know what's going to happen.  I want to in some respects but as of now I don't want to in other respects.  It's either next summer or the summer after but I don't know which, that's pretty scary too.

Slaughterhouse Five is a pretty good film and it's worth seeing if you haven't already done so.  I didn't read the book so it was confusing at first but it was well done.

I got tickets to the Stones concert for the last night of the tour (also Jagger's birthday).  They were pretty shitty though (behind the stage in God's country) so naturally I sold them and have regretted it ever since.  I'm not working anymore but just taking it easy and leading the good life.

Write soon if you can and let me know when you're hitting the east coast.  Take it easy and stay content (better word than happy).

August 12, 1972 (Letter from Chris)

Just a quick note before I go to work.  Hope everything's still going well for you.  Things are fine here except that I have not had time to do anything but work and sleep.  I did get to see the Stones when they were here, but it wasn't so great.

Are you or aren't you going back to school?  Maybe by now you've decided to become a monk and do all your writing on some distant mountain top.  No, huh?  Well, it's just as well.

I've just harvested my first crop of grass from the yard, and in a few days, when it's completely dried I'll put it to the test.  I wonder what ever happened to all the stuff growing on the side at 4028 Bailey.

Herb and Kenny dropped by on Saturday while I was still sleeping.  They were very exciting to see and be with.  Kenny and Lauren still aren't married.  Herb has nothing to do after work, so he's starting to build an amplifier from a kit.

Work is starting to get interesting now.  I usually stay after I'm closed up -- and sit at the bar with a few kids.  Sometimes we get stoned -- and just sit around till 4:30-5:30 in the morning.  If we get hungry -- well, it's a fucking restaurant isn't it.  I've even been raped twice in the last month.  Unfortunately by the same girl both times.  (I think I'm pregnant.)  Last month my life was threatened by four rather obscene youngsters who didn't like the fact that I was having them arrested for theft of service.  (They walked out without paying.)  But these things happen.  What would life be like without some excitement.  Unexciting,  probably.

There's not much for me to say now.  I just finished writing to an old friend, and it seems that every time I write two letters in a row the second is always from hunger.  So I apologize for writing and not saying anything.

But I just wanted to say hello -- send my best wishes and see if you're still alive.  Drop a note sometime.  And if you think you'll be around here sometime -- give an advance notice.  If you'll be back at school, I'll definitely see you there whenever I visit.  Be good - take care.

August 11, 1972 (Letter from Mardi)

I certainly hope you got your raise and have had time not to ponder on the moves to be made.  How's that for advice?  I know actually what you're experiencing.  It's the old "what are you going to do now" syndrome.  When people begin to ask you that and you have a variety of four or five answers, you're in trouble.  Unfortunately, there is no cure but time and good nerves.  You've got to concentrate on one step at t time -- which is impossible because they are usually all related.  If I were you (good and easy for me to say), I'd put my efforts into getting to Buffalo and finishing school and getting a little money in the meantime -- if you can! Then after that, it's POW decision time.  There will be a number of ways to go but which will you take.  (I sound like an announcer for a soap opera.)  The lady or the tiger type of deal.  It's a royal bummer no matter what.  Maybe if Laguna had been a disappointment the very first time, things would have taken a turn, but such is not the case.  All you do is work toward something that seems to be the answer every time and when you've got it all, it is no challenge.  (Simple as that!??)  It goes like that continually.  If you got your fully equipped van, the ideas and drives you had along with your van may have changed.   You just can't win.  I can't see doing anything for a long period of time and being content with it.  Anyway, I wish you good luck and don't worry about your change of heart concerning your present lifestyle.  You do have to push yourself, I know, especially if you want to write.  You'll have to discipline yourself and your habits.  Cheer up.  That's better.
\
Boston was a good time last week.  I had to keep telling myself when I got to Buffalo to changes planes that I wasn't going to Jamestown or Pgh, but Boston!  I got to downtown Bos and to Harvard Square a couple of times.  Rick clued me in on the ins and outs of good healthy grass growing.  He even gave me a book so I can get started "properly".  Barb rented a car on Tuesday and we finally left for the Cape Wednesday, after it was doubtful on getting a tent.  Anyway we got to a camp ground in Brewster near Hyannis and set up our little home.  The tent was great, big, roomy and warm.  We fixed a fantastic meal and then at 9 or so we drove to the ocean, came back, smoked and drank.  Rick and I played cards and we were really enjoying the great outdoors.  Then the next morning as we were fixing breakfast Rick was cutting a piece of board with an ax and a hammer.  Next thing rick is spurting blood from the artery in his arm.  A piece of the hammer had flown off and hit his arm and lodged there.  So we immediately took him to a doctor who gave him a shot and wrapped the arm and sent us to Cape Cod Hospital in Hyannis where we spent the remainder of the day.  They took x-rays, but him in emergency and then took him up to surgery to repair the artery and vein.  The doctor had said it was very serious and was lucky that the surgery went OK.  Naturally, we had to wait during each procedure.  The doctors and nurses at the hospital were great though. So we said goodnight to Rick about 10:30 pm and went to see Linda and Kinky at Petrillo's where we had a couple of drinks and found out Linda was pregnant.  Such excitement in one day was too much.  Anyway when we finally got settled in our tent it started to rain.  We kept our fingers crossed and thankfully we stayed warm and dry all night.  Friday Barb left me at the beach all afternoon where I had a ball.  How can you get tired of the ocean?  YOU FOOL!   Just kidding!!!  One day is hardly a comparison to one month.  We left the Cape Friday around 6 or 7, and got back to Boston around 9.  Took Rick home and he has sworn he will never venture out of Boston again.  He's really getting paranoid about any travel at all.

So Barb and I stayed up all night Friday just about and we were rudely awoken at 12:30 by my mother -- who else?  So Sat we did the laundry and spent the day at the park.  The three of us went out to dinner and just mellonized at this fantastic inexpensive Italian restrained.  It would have been so much nicer without Rick's accident.  I got back Sunday and have been working around the house.  Larry, the owner downstairs, is pretty sure he can get Bill into his construction company, which would be nice.  Bill has been helping him build his new house and then I think we get a reduction in rent.  Larry and his wife are really nice.  They are always up drinking with us.  Anderson has applied at NSP and NWB -- electric and telephone, but they won't be able to let him know for awhile.  I know if he gets a good job he'll be better off -- not to mention how better off my state of mind would be!

I must close and get busy here.  Take care and I hope we'll see you after Labor Day?

August 9, 1972 (Letter from Mardi)

Just a brief note to say that I went to Boston and back in one piece.  Naturally everytime I go somewhere something happens like a major tragedy.  This time was no different.  As we were camping on beautiful Cape Cod the very first morning,  Rick cut his arm by a piece off of a hammer.  We spent the entire day in the Cape Cod Hospital in Hyannis.  The piece cut his artery and vein and he had to have surgery!  Barb was freaking out.  Everything went well, though.  So we came back to Boston Friday night.  At least I did manage to spend two days on the beach.  Barb and Rick never got their toes wet. Rick has taken a solemn vow not to leave Boston ever again!  We had absolutely no trouble with the camping at all. The campground looked like tent city but you got used to it.  There were about 12 bikers staying right behind us.  They were pretty nice though and helped Barb and I when Rick was in the hospital   Saturday we finally splurged and went down to Harvard Square and ate at this fantastic Italian restaurant.  Cheap and great food and atmosphere.   We got drunk and stayed up all night!  It's the first time in ages I've been out to dinner and didn't have to pay.  I flew back Sunday and now I'm ready for the work-school routine.  It won't be long.  When will we be seeing you again?

We are getting settled again in our house.  We are happy with the place even though it was so dirty.

I must close an be off.  Take care.

August 3, 1972 (Letter from Renee)

Many thanks for you letter and the promptness of your reply.  It's rather an unusual feeling to have someone to be as conscientious about correspondence as you seem to be and I really commend you for your efforts.

I really don't have too much "news" to tell you since I have been rather lazy and inactive this summer.  Since it is nearing the end of the summer I have begun to get a guilty feeling for not having accomplished all that I'd like to in the way of plans for school in the fall and it has been just this week that I have gotten off my big arse and begun to straighten out my files, do some reading, studying, and intense planning for the months to come.   Although this is not a terribly pleasurable job I am sure that it will save me a considerable amount of time during the school year.  It's rather funny Paul but I am a totally different person when I assume the title of teacher during the school year.  My interest and devotion are centered on only one thing -- what I do in the classroom -- and I sort of block everything else from my mind.  Morrey and I live together but only a small part of my time then is given to my role as homemaker and wife.  I (or should I say we) spend very little time socializing during that time and I can't say that I really suffer by it in the last.  I'm usually so glad to get home at night, out of my school clothes, and out of my "teacher personality" that it takes me a couple of hours just to unwind from the day and begin to look towards "tomorrow".  Morrey really doesn't mind because he is still going to school at night and when I spend 3 hours a night on my schoolwork he spends his time on his own studies -- so everything works out fine.  I guess that is why I've really enjoyed this summer vacation because I've been totally carefree, enjoying my lack of "mental" responsibilities, and spending a good time with the few friends we have.  It is funny but when I teach school we sort of schedule in a little social life on the weekends, and it is so nice in the summer to be able to do anything we want in the evenings, read all night if I want to, and sleep away half of the day!  So much for a description of our "average" lives!

I guess that I'm finally beginning to realize that all my life I've wanted to do just one thing well -- and one thing that I can be proud to have accomplished.  Teaching has a great many opportunities for me to achieve that goal.  I can hardly wait until three or four years have gone by and I have begun to take on other goals and responsibilities as well.  Morrey and I haven't really been joiners in anythings because we like to think that if we join something we share a commitment to participate fully and not just in "name only".  So I guess we'll just take our "slice of life" one bite at a time so that we can cope well with it and do the best we can.  So -- to be (and us) that's what life is all about right now.

Gee -- when I look back on my high school days I can really begin to see how far I've come -- and in many ways it is a good feeling.  I've finally begun to realize the meaning of friendship, devotion, responsibility, and of course, love.  My life is so very different now and my attitudes and ideals have surely changed -- for the better I'd like to think.  I am really wondering when I go back to Warren for my high school class reunion if the others that I had known "way back then" have changed at all.  Did you ever get the feeling Paul that you are just beginning to really "know yourself"?  That's how I feel now.  I've learned to care a lot less about what other people think and a whole lot of the credit belong to my husband whom I feel has a good self-concept and has always been a strong and very independent sort of individual.  It seems that a lot of people I once knew were important to me (Mardi, Barb and the whole gang) I have really lost touch with.  Suffice it to say that we certainly don't' run in the same circles anymore and time has done a lot to change one's feelings and emotions.  I had to learn from Morrey that one must accept people for exactly what they are and the way they are and all the wishing and hoping that they would change to suit me wouldn't do any good for any of us.  I tend to be extremely critical of others, whereas Morrey is very kind and willing to be friendly and accept everyone just the way they are and appreciate them as individuals.  I really have no idea what point it is I'm trying to make -- but I guess I'm just letting my feelings be typed on this paper.  Forgive me if I seem pedantic or overly philosophical.

Morrey and I have one more week of his vacation coming which we are taking the last week in August.  Haven't made any plans about what we're going to do just yet.  We might go to Savannah, Georgia since that's where Morrey's father will be working for the next few months and he's invited us to come down and stay with him for awhile.  We might just go to Pa. and enjoy the peace and serenity at my father's cottage, and we might just go crazy and get on a plane and head for anywhere that sounds appealing.  We really are "spur of the moment people".  I hate to plan things cause by the time we're done planning them and talking about them we're usually bored to death with the whole idea by the time we get to do it.  We've been known to do some pretty crazy and unexpected things -- but that's what makes life such a mystery and so much fun.    As a matter of fact we both hate routines -- like eating every night at 6 on the dot or doing our grocery shopping every (?) Monday, or doing the laundry on Tuesday.  I like to do things when I'm in the mood to do them and not until then.  We feel hemmed in when we start living a routine like that.  In fact, Morrey  commented to me the other night that in the 2 1/2 years we've been  married we've never eaten dinner at the same time two nights in a row!  I guess that's why I'm happy with my teaching job -- never a dull moment -- and working with kids one never knows what to expect.

Well Paul, Morrey just walked in the door after coming back from taking a final exam in Psychology and he's demanding food for the hungry bear so I must close for now.  Please take care and be well.  Write again soon.  Is there any possibility that you might be passing through Columbus on your way back east?  If so we insist that you stay with us for as long as you can.

July 31, 1972 (Letter from Tony)

I'm sitting here on the porch of the Help Center in Gowanda, it's extremely hot and muggy, but we have some broad shade trees, and a nice breeze is blowing through and I feel rather comfortable. 

Time has been racing by.  My summer is drawing to a close and with that, my stay in Buffalo.  I'm going to miss this part of the country.  I know I'll be coming back for vacation but then I'll just be a visitor.  Now I have all the friends and places that have become important to me over the last four years.  Knowing that these will soon be memories, and long distance relationships is pretty sad.

I am trying to maintain a positive frame of mind but it definitely is tempered with sadness.  I am getting psyched up for my trip out there.  I hope to be able to drive Jerry's and my car out.  Jerry may come with me if he gets an interview set up with International University which is somewhere near San Diego.  He's wanting to go there fits in very nicely with a stop in Laguna Beach.  I expect to leave here on Aug 20 and I have to be in Berkeley by Sept 5.

I am now sitting on top of a cliff in Zoar Valley.  It's so incredibly beautiful here.  There are some hawks soaring, they are truly magnificent.

Getting back to my travel plans, would you still be in Laguna Beach around Aug 28-30?  I know that's pretty late if you intent to hitchhike back here.  My route out there will probably be a directly line to Durango, Colorado.  I dont' have all that much time so I'll probably push it from here, across the Plains, until I get into the mountains.  Dr. Jim Homes, the eco professor I worked with has a cabin in the mountains near Durango.  I want to stop by there, from there go on to the Grand Canyon, then down to San Diego and Laguna Beach.  Maybe we could meet in Durango or at the Grand Canyon and spend a few days together.

(I just discovered that this really isn't a 500 ft cliff, it's nothing but a giant anthill.  So goddamn many ants around here.)

I'm going down to see Ralph at Chautauqua today.  I haven't seen him or spoken to him since early June when he stopped by on his way down there.

I went home again last week.  It was very nice again.  One thing bothered me though, that was I regress when I go there, going back at least partially to the sort of actions and ways of thinking that I had when I lived there four years ago.  It's distressing to realize that is still part of me.  I definitely want to try to work that out in the time I have remaining here.  A lot of insecurities that aren't apparent or even relevant other places, came up there.

I saw Michael Kanter two weeks ago.  He came up for a week.  He had a pretty good time in Europe and was in good spirits.

Work in Gowanda has improved.  In the beginning I felt totally useless and somewhat frustrated.  But now that we have the kids working together on a few projects, an ingenious project of utilizing all their energy for public relations for the Help Center.  They get a chance to work together and get something organized.  The socializing processes her are quite poor.

I moved out of 75 LeBrun, I am now living partly at that place, partly at 41 LeBrun, partly at 11 Merrimac, partly at 105 E Main Springville, partly in Colden, partly at Sunshine House and partly in Gowanda.  A very confusing existence but it's working out well.

Your excitement on reading You Can't Go Home Again came across extremely well in your letter and it was very good to see.  It was also very fine to get the stimulation that your letters provide.  As of yet, I don't have the ultimate goal in my life in sight.  Maybe it's to be a lawyer.  T hat so far is the closest thing I've found to what I want to be, but I'll have to experience it a little more before I can say for sure.  I do know now, that I have the patience and the discipline and the strength to dedicate myself to whatever goal does come up.  Right now I am not concentrating on that one goal, now is a time of preparation.  I have a few more things to work out and then I will be completely ready for whatever may come.  I am working on my social development, extending the bounds of where I have been.  Jerry and I have spent a lot of time together and have exchanged a tremendous amount.  My relationship with Joan is the best I have ever had with a girl and has enabled me to work  out some fears and inhibitions.  Both of these people I admire greatly and have been able to get close enough to study these aspects of them that I admire and learn from them.

Joanie knows how to enjoy herself and have other people enjoy.  She is, along with you, one of the two most positive people that I know.  Jerry has a tremendous ability to organize thoughts ad come to some logical problem solving solution.  The more I can pick up from these tow, the better I will be able to be.

Jerry also has a charisma, a natural leadership that comes about from a good deal of self-confidence and a gentle way of directing a situation.  Again, a valuable asset, one that reduces tensions and frustrations and expedites action.

Yes, Paul, life is a process and we are able to make it a life giving process or a death inviting one.  And, yes Paul, you and I are on the way up.  I feel a need for a challenge, a testing of my mettle, a totally intense trip.  Do you remember when Ralph and Tom went canoeing in the Cattaraugus and tipped over.  Ralph and I talked about that later and that was a really beautiful thing that they went through.  To raise the energy output raises the returns.  To know how to channel that energy towards your self-selected goals is a true art.  To know ho much you can put out, which at this point seems to me to be almost limitless, and how much it will cost are extremely valuable things.  But then, you already know this.

I get almost a religious feeling sitting here surrounded by so much beauty.  The stream, ever moving, the valley, so huge and peaceful, the trees, the sky, the hawks, the sun, the wind all this is so basic and so pure and so powerful and so simple.  Bob Dylan wrote a poem to Woody Guthrie and Woody was very sick and mentally ill.  He was in Brooklyn State Hospital. The ending of the poem, after it asked how can you go on when you re so far down and where can you find hope.  (I don't know the exact wording) said you'll find God in heaven and you''l find Woody Guthrie in the Brooklyn State Hospital but for me, I'll find them both in the Grand Canyon. So, see you in the Grand Canyon as we've met here in Zoar.