Your organization ("I keep all the letter I have received in ring-bound notebooks") constantly amazes me! Never again do I wish to be poked fun at about "urgent". I have been painting all night and am really tired. It is not a good way to begin a letter, as a matter of fact, this is really absurd, but I think I'm going to stop now and do this tomorrow when I can give it my full attention (see: how important I consider you?!). Good night....
11 September 1974 -- Well, this is much better. From your letter you certainly seem to be adjusting rather well to your new environment I didn't know that polar bears were quite so versatile! (Maybe it's that cooler climate bringing out your inherent qualities.
Today was a very nostalgic day. I had a doctor's appointment in Oakland -- so decided to stop by at GSLIS first to see Mr. Lee (who wasn't in -- as usual). Dr. Kolish was out also, but I did see Mr. Wray and all the secretaries and Dr. Immroth was so nice to me. He really looks fine, ans says he's doing well. I'm so proud of him. He's really a nice person, but I worried about this way of life. You know, he actually looks 10 years younger?
I saw Ray Martin. He said "hello". I also saw the new batch of students in the library, lounge, etc. None, of course, quite as precocious as we. My doctor is on the 500 block of N. Neville -- so -- (my ever-failing sense of direction leading me) -- I decided it must be 1 block up from where you used to live and over 2 blocks. Guess again. I passed old "lacucaracha heaven" on Melwood and from there on it took me 1/2 hour to find the good doctor. Oh well...
Send me a picture of "typical Montana". I know I shall never see it in person, except by maybe a weird twist of fate. Speaking of fate -- how do you feel about it? I love it, actually sometimes. I guess that's why I like Hardy. Sometimes things seem awfully controlled to me, you know? I mean, there are endless possibilities to a situation and it seems as though the possibility that occurs always fits in with another possibility occurring along the parallel of what's happening. I kind of wonder if possibilities count at all, or if they're just put there by the Practical Joker (Melville's idea of God is certainly bizarre, but maybe it's true?) to make us think there are endless possibilities? I don't know, obviously another thing that's been bothering me lately -- human emotion. Maybe I've always previously had the good fortune to meet simple, open people -- but I always felt that human emotion was a very transparent thing -- or at least translucent. But lately (as far back as a few years ago, really) it seems much more opaque. I mean, I didn't always feel that feelings were bared consistently or without guard exactly, but merely that they were fairly easy to discern. I felt that I could glean from expressions, glances, gestures what a person felt, or at least a slight approximation of their emotion -- not an empathy because I feel that that is very rare and not even consistent among very close people. But I dont' feel it so much anymore. Even in people with whom I've formerly felt it -- only sometimes. I feel that there are layers and layers of depths and each has to be peeled. I'll bet even when you reach the core there's something hidden -- a little seed that is impossible to open. Oh, listen to me (or rather, don't). See what happens when you get involved with philosophy majors! They're a bizarre crew!
Anyway to make a long story short (although I never do), I just know that there are some things (both about ourselves and others) that we just can never know! It's just beyond our reach. I just got the full impact of that, maybe I'm just slow. That must be it...I'm just newsy -- I want to know everything.
I'm going to change the subject completely for some good news -- Bev got a job!!! Only I don't know where -- I just got a phone message that she called while I was out. I'll let you know what's what as soon as I know. I'm glad; she was really miserable these past few weeks. Diane is still looking but she seems fairly calm -- I have never seen Diane worry past the point of just saying "I'm worried" -- I mean, no nervous mannerisms, etc. Very stable, wish I could imitate!
By the way, I've just decided that you are not allowed to move anywhere for another two years -- at least I have 3 addresses for you in my address book and if you move once more you will ruin everything, so STAY STILL!!! (ok?) (pick, pick, pick) Maybe someone will give us an address book for a wedding present -- one that has interchangeable spots for addresses. I mean it -- my friends are vagabonds. I myself have had only 6 addresses in my life (and most were summer). Why can't people follow this good example? (heh, heh)
Did I tell you that I got no duplicates of anything at my shower? (which was held regardless of the fact that I explicitly stated that there was to be none!) The noive! Anyway -- sorry -- no toaster oven will be arriving for you (I didn't get one either, don't cry, tweety!) We'll see what happens with wedding presents -- I give you fair warning though -- don't expect any address books -- I need all of those that I can get!
This job is really hectic! The director is a nice woman, but very disorganized and she has all of us a wreck. I keep reminding myself that this job is not worth killing myself over-- but my brain can't seem to get the message straight -- I'll probably have 3 ulcers by April (if I last that long!) I'm in charge of "Reserves" (oh, joy!), also picture file and vertical file (neither of which have I even seen yet -- they being what I'm interested mostly in!) I had forgotten what it was like to be under a nun's wing. (Oh only that it could have remained forgotten.)
In high school I gradually lost all respect for Catholicism per se -- in college I found (in Phil and Theo a reason to respect it again -- to actually like it, even and to hold it dear again. I have a penguin's chance in hell of keeping this here. This place is really provincial (I can understand why your friend Barb left.) I can't wait til Oct 3rd so I can come here only to work. It seemed like an ivory tower -- now it seems like prison. Stifling is too good a word. I can't say what I feel about the job yet because I haven't gotten accustomed to ti or to all the people yet. It will take at least 2 months, if not longer. (myeer!)
You know, I really wish I had a job like yours -- it seems interesting, but with so many insights to get. I suppose it will never happen -- but maybe, meanwhile you'll have to tell me all about it -- ok? Everything -- even little thoughts you have about it. Do you mind? If so, tell me. You probably think me such a pest. I'm sorry.
I hope you are well, and not lonely out there. But you like to be alone, huh? But not always? Have you written anymore dreams lately? What does your place look like (colors, etc). Is it large? Polar bears should have room for their coat to breathe.
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